My eldest child was born in the Central Valley of California, my middle was born less than a year later in the Inland Empire region of California, and my youngest born a year and a half later in Fort Worth, Texas. In addition to these places, our family has also lived in Northern Virginia and currently reside in Houston. We have lived on a hobby farm, in an urban apartment, and in a house in the suburbs. Despite being under the age of 5, my children have visited many museums, zoos, eaten at many restaurants, have attended concerts and basketball, hockey, baseball, and football games (including the 2015 Sugar Bowl where they witnessed The Ohio State University Buckeyes beat the hell out of Alabama). Our girls swim, play golf, draw and paint, play instruments, cook, know more lyrics to songs than I do and play video games. Our children do not have regular routines that they follow. What we lack in regimentation we more than make up for in life experiences. We believe children should be seen, heard, and exposed to the world.
All of that being said, we are not “libertarian parents” as there is no such thing. If I were to describe our parenting it would be highly active and unregimented, but not libertarian. Helicopter parents, Tiger Moms, and free ranged parents can all be libertarians. Libertarianism does not ascribe an ideal parenting style. Libertarians simply believe the ideal way to raise a child is up to the individual parents and not the state. Our parenting is what works best for us and is a reflection of who we are just as other people’s parenting is a reflection of them. And as I would never chastise a Tiger Mom or a helicopter parent for having too much involvement in their children’s lives or a free ranged parent for having too little, I would expect the same from others in a free society. As our parenting style is not ideal for other families, just as others are not ideal for us.
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Great post. Thanks.
Crap, that was supposed to be a top-level post for Banjos.
I blame Marty’s arcane spells.
I’ll take the compliment anyway. Yoink.
Give me back my compliment you comment thread hoodlum!
Yes! We’re all individuals!
I like it. It also eliminates the insane competitive parenting.
The Tundra spawn have been raised in a similar fashion to yours and, although they are asshole teenagers, I’m digging them.
Thanks, Banjos!
stupid hormones.
I couldn’t really ask for better. Little shits are good at everything and usually nice to be around.
Weirdos.
Bridger is looking good, by the way.
Nice garage!
Thank ya! I am so excited for my garage. No words.
SP raised her daughter (webdominatrix) like that and look at how SHE turned out. Cautionary tale.
Darned tootin’.
With my eldest, I once asked my grandmother why he hadn’t reached a specific milestone by the time the books said he was supposed to.
“I dunno. Maybe he hasn’t read the books.”
The way I figure it, in all the years humanity has been around, if someone had figured out the One True Perfect Way that made parenting easy and always turned out good results, we’d have all adopted it by now out of pure lazy self-interest.
Hear! Hear!
Is that a crack about deaf parents?
What?
Libertarians simply believe the ideal way to raise a child is up to the individual parents and not the state.
Thank you.
My daughter spends most afternoons on her scooter playing on the cul de sac with the other kids on our block. We’re lucky enough to have multiple kids within 1-2 years of each other’s age living near one another. They run around. They play on their scooters and bikes. Last week she took a tumble when she was on the neighbor kid’s electric scooter. Got back up, road rash and all, and kept going. I know some parents would approve of that. I know some parents would chastize me for not running up to her and treating her boo boos immediately. I know some parents would’ve chastized me for letting her ride the electric scooter in the first place. But that’s all fine with me. She’s happy, I’m happy.
In the end, if you’re there for your kid, it’s pretty hard to screw up child-rearing.
Great article! My wife just crossed into the 3rd trimester of our first, and she’s already getting unholy hell from all the competitive parents. As an aside, mommy blogs are a level of evil that makes the devil blush.
I do want to play the contrarian for a second and say that there are better and worse parenting styles. It doesn’t mean that you should be an asshole when you think that others aren’t parenting “correctly,” but the sheer number of fucked up people in the world shows that there’s a such thing as bad parenting, and it’s pretty damn common.
Depends, I wouldn’t call neglect a parenting style (real neglect, not I allowed my kids to walk home from school by themselves “neglect”) as there’s no parenting being practiced (which is the problem). Out right abuse, on the other hand, is a parenting style and I’ll give to you as being bad parenting.
My brother worked a short stint in Phoenix at the state AG’a office severing parental rights. All the children involved were the neglected children of meth heads. All of them.
Teach respect for the individual above all else. Teach self-sufficiency. Teach responsibility. Be consistent.
Oh and they aren’t small friends.
Trsh, see my recommendation below. My wife has really gotten out of the Mommy Wars since she started listening to One Bad Mother and hanging on their FB group. Good luck.
Thanks!
The only rule I have is no machete fights.
I don’t need my (our) kids getting halved.
Absolutely. People who would chastise other parents for their child rearing choices are assholes. Mind your own business.
I still reserve the right to say what I think about various parenting styles. But I fully expect any parents it might apply to to ignore me.
Is how I teach my orphans management or parenting?
You got it Banjos. To be a libertarian parent all you have to do is to preach and live self-ownership to them.
After they believe they own themselves they cant be separated from that belief with a crowbar. Pretty simple really.
Doing it right, I’d say. I fill the daddy/father role for my nieces somewhat, so they get lots of trips to the zoo, museums, my backyard gun range for firearms and tactical training. As an aside, the Museum of Science and Natural History there is the bomb. I pretty much grew up there while mom was at doc appointments through the ’70s (though last time I went was right after visiting the Smithsonian version, so it all looked smaller and a bit shabbier than memory served).
For those here with little-littles looking for some positive feedback, I recommend the podcast One Bad Mother. They are hilarious, take the same idea that parenting is doing right by your kids not some set of rules, and work hard to tell moms (and dads) that if you were the World’s Okayest Parent today, you are doing a good job. Mrs. L was pretty neurotic about whether she was doing it “right”, even though our boys are already arranged to be married to Banjo’s girls. OBM has helped her relax and not be hard on herself as she figures out the motherhood thing.
Good post Banjos.
Great article–I have three daughters very close in age as well. 10,8 and 7.
My rule is–if i dont think its going to kill or paralyze them–i let the do it. My wife on the other hand is a bit of a worrier. Not a helicopter parent, but a bit more careful than myself. We argue about it now and again, but i dont have much of a leg to stand on anymore. Three broken bones and some stitches here and there–every incident has happened on my watch.
When my son was born, my next door neighbor (who had three teenage daughters) told me, “You’re lucky it’s a boy. Then you only have one penis to worry about.”
True AF
I have no idea how I raised my kids. Was there a method, other than “leave dad alone when the TV is on and while you’re at it, get him another beer.”? OK, maybe there was more to it than that.
Mostly it was just surviving each day and hoping not to fuck them up too badly. I mocked them when they got too uppity and tried to show as much affection as I could.
My marriage sucked, massively, so that had it’s own effect. It made for a shitty and acrimonious environment about half the time.
Still, the kids have turned out pretty good. She-spawn is way fucking smart, but equally lazy, which is a shit combination, but she’s way too much like me at that age. So, she’s got a few more years before shit gets put together. The Boy is so amazingly normal and average, I could cry. First real gf is a smoking Filipina. I told him that he already peaked. at 16. He’s a great kid with great potential, probably. Maybe. I think. (He’ll do alright.)
But, my relationship with both is solid as a fucking rock, even though I moved out a year ago, and they know that I love them and would kill for them. But, if I could give them their allowance first, that would be awesome. OK, now you can go kill.