I’m going to abuse my demigod-like status to deal with a housekeeping topic that vexes me: handle-hopping.
That one quirk drove me fucking bugnuts at H&R, with people changing handles so often, that I had no idea who I was talking to. Â H&R, and now, Glibiteria, is a reputation-based economy. Â If we don’t know who you are, we can’t judge the value of your opinion. Â And our mongoloid trolls would use this to their advantage. Â (Hi KK!)
So, as one of your apparently friendly landlords, I plead with you, just don’t. Â Keep the same handle you rode in with and if you had a different, non-woodchipper handle that we all came to know and cautiously love you under, use that one. Â Make this place better than the place we left behind. Â It’s the viscous glue that holds the community together. Â At least, I think that’s glue.
So, don’t make me angry, by handle-hopping. Â You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
What kind of fucking (((Renegade))) would hop handles?
Dammit, my first impulse when reading this (of course) was to go and change my nickname. I was almost finished typing Tony.
…but since you pleaded, I shan’t.
[Does not smash Lafe]
Each of my handle changes at the site not to be named had a perfectly good justification, and I warned about each one, but if you insist I’ll keep the one I seem to be stuck with now.
Although lately I was thinking “Biff Headbanger” seemed cool.
Here’s one of those rare moments when I’m happy I’ve never been that clever.
And another thing, everyone should use their real photos in their profile pics. Like Michael and I.
Hear, hear!
Sounds reasonable… do I need the filthy assistants?
Nephilium and the Filthy Assistants!
I love that band name.
It’s totally me under the mask. I wear it to work everyday.
I read about you and the red light cameras.
I might be visible in the reflection if you zoom/enhance.
What beer is that?
One of my own. Strong dark Belgian in style.
Nice!
I hope you brought enough to share with the whole class!
You’re the Holy Spirit?
No problem.
Warty signed up yesterday. Want to reconsider?
OK. Will do
And another thing, everyone should use their real photos in their profile pics.
Done*.
*On the internet, nobody knows if you’re a dog, right?
My name is Broswater and I approve this message.
One thing to note- you don’t want to piss off JW. He looks like Lurch.
But, I was really wanting to pretend to be CytoToxic here! I was going to make a second account and everything! Fine, I guess I won’t. Hope you’re happy, crushing dreams like that!
here to get my first moderated post out of the way. 🙂 Only ever posted once on H&R many years ago. Looking forward to great content and to continue to from the commentariat
Well, I do feel a bit silly soldiering on with a woodchipper handle, but I’ve had it for so long now, and I was hardly a prolific enough poster that anyone would remember my previous handle (radar).
HANDLE HOPPERS SHOULD BE ASHAMED.
I actually think an exception could be made for you, Jr.
JW?
[waves royal hand in a dismissive manner] I will allow this.
*mopes, kicks can*
[Picks up can] Do I have to do everything around here? There’s a can, on the floor, just lying there, waiting to be picked up. Everyone just walks around it!
**storms off in huff**
thanks, dad.
Go to your room. Warty is waiting.
oh god no.
Would you rather it was STEVE SMITH?
I considered changing handles when I got here. I like reason in the pre-account, pre-threaded days where you could change names to enhance humor.
Will the real Slim Shady please shut up?
This is my first handle change in years, and only then because bylines under an internet meme/short joke are a little harder to pimp to Forbes as proper clips.
The avatar is just because I’m lazy and have no fucks to give.
I like the one from your Twitter account..
*makes gimme hands*
May I follow you? It’ll cut the ratio of incoherent screeching–funny on the good side.
What, no plain text files?
Well lah tee frickin’ dah.
God. I’ve been so busy over here, I still haven’t gone back to edit over there.
I would only change if I submitted an article.
just no more fake Amsocs please.
Gross somebody gave JW authority.
What’s with the pancake?
A friend gave me a crepe pan and then bounced on plans to go hiking, so she got disincluded from the first crepe breakfast and everyone took a bunch of pictures and sent them to her. This was the opening salvo. By the end even the cat was nomming on crepes.
Nice!
That’ll learn her.
It was very effective. She planned the next hike and I planned another crepe breakfast at my place expeditiously.
uhh i’ll go hiking with you but you’re on point. I think STEVE SMITH will smell the crepes on you and leave me alone.
You might think that.
I love really thin pancakes.
I posted briefly as Sandusky’s Kids on Reason.
This is probably pertinent as a policy for the userbase
I dub thee Sir Phallus.
I added a . to my name, and then I removed it.
I apologize for the confusion, JW.
And accent marks. Dick.
[Puts down Mjölnir. Pouts]
You should swap between those so we all know when you’re on your period or not.
Speaking of which, 4chan reaches out from the depths and claims yet more idiots in the media.
In People: Yoga Instructor Practices in White Pants While Free-Bleeding to Make a Point About Period Shame
Since the original 4chan screencap might be NSFW (crude language and photo that might disturb really sensitive people), I won’t post it. It’s easy to find with Google anyway.
The Internet, of course, already did all the jokes and memes about “free-shitting” within hours of the article being published, so you can put down your Photoshop.
I am a man, therefore, I jack off. . It’s messy, it’s painful, it’s terrible, & it’s beautiful. . And yet, you wouldn’t know. Because I hide it. . I bury things at the bottom of the trash. I breathe, ragged and awkward through the hand cramps, all the while holding onto this tight lipped, painted on smile. . Kleenex? Shhh. We don’t say those words out loud. Hide them. In the back pocket of your jeans, in the corner of the bathroom drawer, at the very bottom of your shopping cart (please let me get a female cashier with big anime tiddies). . Events or engagements get missed. I’ll tell myself it’s because there’s a video on Pornhub were Asa Akira cosplays as a Twi’lek while giving some dude a blowjob, sure, but it has more to with the risk of being “caught,” at what…I’m not quite sure. . And I’m lucky. . Over 100 million young men around the globe miss school or work for fapping, & fear of what might happen if the world witnesses A NATURAL BODILY FUNCTION. . WHY? . Because hundreds of years of culture have made us embarrassed to masturbate. Have left us feeling dirty and ashamed. . STOP PRETENDING. Stop using silly pet names like Handy and her 5 Sisters because you’re too afraid to say “I’m ‘batin'” or “Fleshlight.” Stop wasting so much effort hiding the very thing that gives this species continuity. . START talking about it. Educate your sons. Make them understand that it can be both an inconvenience and a gift, but NEVER something to be ashamed about. Educate your daughters so they don’t recoil from the word “bukkake.” So when a dude plays pocket pool through his khaki shorts in third period (pun intended), they don’t perpetuate the cycle of shame and intolerance. . This #StartSomethingSunday , I want to highlight @tylerxsu . . Tyler Su is a freshman at Stanford. . But that’s not all. She’s a regular on my fap Rolodex. Making it ok to jack off, even to random women onsocial media. Providing personalized masturbatory fantasies right to your door. Fuck yeah. That’s the kind of stuff I can galvanize behind, NO money OR product needed. Just a mission I support on a topic we should ALL be talking about. . THIS IS JUST A LEAK, NOT A FULL WET DREAM ✌????
You’re doing it wrong.
Perhaps, or done until raw.
I’m supposed to take a break?
Not if you’re going to fully commit to it as a normative value. See also, Insert Left-Handed Mike (NSFW) (on the epistemology of ‘bating)
A philosophy professor (an online course) once asked the class if they had any philosophers they admired. I answered Diogenes.
Would have been my fall-back for plausible deniability had he called me on it. No idea if he laughed or not, but nobody else seemed to get the joke, given Diogenes’s other activities.
JW, please…have a seat. *motions towards chair*
You’ve participated in a community of non-conformist, anti-authoritarian, sarcastic, contrarian assholes for how many years now?
And what do you think the first reaction of this group of non-conformist, anti-authoritarian, sarcastic, contrarian assholes would be if you ask them not to do something?
Hey, I almost asked nicely.
That’s even worse.
Look, just stop shaking your damn head already. Your going to throw an embolism.
Radio check. Mostly a lurker.
Shouldn’t it be “Dr. Eurosteen” ever since France joined the Eurozone and eliminated their original currency?
Trying to get me to change my name on this post? Well played. It’s still pronounced Fronkensteen.
With all the hubbub about Le Pen, and that she hopes to lead France out of the Eurozone and back to its own currency, one ought not be hasty anyway. We live in strange times. Anything could happen in this timeline.
Fine. But don’t nobody say I didn’t try.
Oh… huh. I guess your nickname is not in fact your display name.
Welp, I’m stuck with this one. I am commodious from the old land.
I’m not much of a WordPress guy, but does the “Display name publicly as” dropdown under the nickname let you pick the one you want?
Yes
I handle-hopped a few times. I started off as Ayn_Randian / Randian, but I got tired of being pigeonholed into arguments about Rand or how what I was saying was inconsistent with what Rand possibly did say or would have said on a subject, so I switched to “The Angry Optimist” for a while, then I settled on this one.
I used one more handle recently, but I won’t tell because it would just cause division in a community that looks awesome so far, so I am sticking with Rev. Blue Moon 4 LYFE
Alright, then… What if I changed my handle at the old site just before I actually got the go-ahead to sign up here? I mean, if it’s my handle there prior to here, aren’t I technically covered?
Perhaps, “technically correct”, as it were?
I was most recently (╯°o°)╯︵ S∀XÆŽ_|_ at the old place, and I still use (╯°o°)╯ï¹ï¹]■■̥Г for Reasonoids.
I wanted something less whimsical and more … pronounceable … here. I’m satisfied with Emissary of Cospaia. It’s not witty, but it has just the right feel.
For what it’s worth, flipping Texas is hilarious.
Thanks. I tend to think of changing our handles to show support in times of commentariat crisis to be roughly the equivalent of idiots on Facebook doing the flag overlay after a bombing somewhere, except, of course, many of us actually donate and write letters, and the flag overlay is just feel-good-while-not-doing-jack-shit signaling.
Good to know it’s appreciated by at least one fellow ASCII art aficionado.
The best part is the Texas looks like a steer, so you get the entire cow tipping meme packaged in along with the messing with Texas. It’s a great payload.