The commenters began to shuffle out in a desultory fashion, their feet making splishing and sploshing noises as they trod through the various reeking viscous liquids and quivery bits. Rufus began singing the Commenter Anthem:
Every comment’s sacred,
Every comment’s great,
Everytime we post one,
She gets quite irate.
Monégasque Mercenary and Woodchuck of Foreboding began to skip towards one another and as they passed they locked arms and slid one eighty on the slickery floor.
Every snark is wanted,
Every snark is good,
Every Godwin needed,
In our neighborhood.
Axl and Rufus, Drs Bombay (you know, from Mumbai) and Funkenstein, and various other pairings of commenters also did the skip, link and spin until the whole chamber was filled with singing, dancing and airborne droplets of bodily fluids kicked up by all the footwork.
Let the snowflakes spill tears,
By gallons in their pain,
Market glut shall make us,
Flush them down the drain.
Once each dance couple parted the two members each skipped towards a new partner in a great chain reaction of free radicals for liberty.
Every fact-check needed,
Every takedown great,
Every time we reason,
Progs get quite irate.
Then the commenters all linked arms and did a kick-step-kick first leftwards then rightwards.
Let Preet now come with,
Subpoenas by the pound,
Ken shall show that mutton-
Head the law more sound.
At the mention of Preet the commenters unlinked arms, bent over, dropped trou or flipped up skirts and mooned with the full knowledge that performance of rude gestures in an absurd fictional production number does not rise anywhere near the level of an actual threat.
Trolls they doth Gambol,
Cross the fields and plain,
Nothing we can e’er do,
Will make them not insane.
The sight of the commenters’ bums was not a pretty one what with all the welts, boils, sores, lesions, scabs, pustules, scars and tattoos. But show and shake them they did as if there were actually an audience, or a camera or if the scene were being described by an invisible narrator in a piece of cringeworthy slashfic.
Every comment’s sacred,
Every comment’s great,
Everytime we post one,
She gets quite irate.
With the commenters still bent-over and mooning, the most dainty and petite of the commenters, wearing a shimmery elfin dress such as one would see on an Olympic ice-dancing contestant slid towards the end of the line of commenters and vaulted upwards and over in a somersault then untucking to do a series of cartwheels along the backs of the commenters. before vaulting off the last commenter and exiting stage right.
The commenters quickly pulled their garments up and formed a human pyramid with Dr. Bombay at the apex, his South Asian indigenous shamanic outfit festooned with multiple indigenous South Asian gnostic symbols of various sizes and colors, a virtual follow spot illuminating him.
And, cut.
So beautiful, so glorious…
Part One hier.
Needs a mention of dew. Or a dewy something.
Something, Something…an upskirt of Ann Margaret in Viet Nam?
+1 Cameltoe
*I am used to being the only one around that gets references from the stone age like that.
Googled around…here is the actual event.
http://forum.oneclickchicks.com/showthread.php?t=88320
Naw Southen, Another fossil here. I am old enough to remember that when Saigon fell my hard as nails wrestling coach/ science teacher sitting in the back of class despondent as hell. He had been an infantry LT over there.
dbleagle? More like spreadeagle, amirite?
Re: Ann Margaret.
You are correct sir.
I meant in my life in meatspace.
Thomas Pynchon is that you?
I don’t get it.
/Zzzzip!
10/10
It’s like tripping balls and reading an alternate reality Men in Tights. Well done.
That is ….disturbingly on target.
That’s gold, Tonio! Gold!
Thank you very much!
Well done, sir!
*tips pint of high ABV beer, it being a holiday and all*
*applauds*
Might we have more sir?
It’s like the left took logic classes so as to learn all of the formal fallacies and use them in earnest.
On TV just now – Robbie Mook – “Its not important that the Russians did or did not cause us to lose the election, the important thing is that they could have.”
Na, na, nuh, na, na. You cant prove they didn’t!
I wonder, how exactly did the Ruskies ruin the election? If they monkeyed with votes wouldn’t they monkey with the popular vote? How would they manipulate 50 different electoral college selections, all using different methods, 50 different state electoral college votes, all using different methods and predict which states were important to fuck with? None of those votes are done electronically. Here in La they vote via a show of hands in a closed room. How would they do that?
They wouldn’t, thats how. They would monkey with the popular vote. You know, the one Hillary won. The whole ‘Ruskies stole the election’ line is such an absurd canard. The press keeps pushing it over the chorus of Boooos from the public and the press cant figure out why they have no credibility. The Dems keep pushing this nonsense they pulled straight out of their ass and cant figure out why they keep losing elections.
I think what we are seeing here is the downfall of the mouks (pun intended) that make up the self-styled elite class. I am watching all this with glee. Fall far and land hard motherfuckers.
Robby Mook, lol. Even his name screams ‘retard’.
Whatever you do, don’t ask them to explain the mechanism by which the election was stolen.
The sputtering and blistering illogic you will get in response can sprain your brain.
You know who else blamed their problems on foreigners?
Al-Qaeda?
Did you notice that server time here is central time instead of Eastern?
Yeah, I think monocle (trshmnstr’s creation) changed it to be the correct time.
CENTRAL IS THE CORRECT TIME!
I’ve been finding it entertaining to read Mook (and for that matter, Tony over at TSTSNBN) as though they are Criswell at the end of Plan 9 From Outer Space: “Can you PROVE it DIDN’T happen???”
I just wish they weren’t serious about it.
So, over at TSTSNBN… did I get that right this time? They’re calling glibertarians ‘The secession of the yokels’. Heh, I thought that was cute. Not sure if it’s a shreek sock or a new person. But I somehow get the impression that it’s a longer time poster with a new name or one of the trolls.
The trolls have truly been running the asylum over there for the last few days. It’s a sight.
sadness.
It’s sad, actually. The site had the best commentariat on the web and now, well for one thing, you can’t hardly even post. 2 out of 3 attempts ends in frustration. It was funny for a while, the squirrels thing and all, and then it was all day, every day. I was over there yesterday and there was a thread that had 45 posts and at least 20 of them were dajjal just posting the same thing over and over ‘where has all my little trumpenstitlskeins gone’. The trolls are wrecking the place.
Sooo…extreme vetting of commenters isn’t such a bad idea after all?
Either that, or the, “Nuke ’em from orbit,” (Like “Draw Mewhammad”), “Kill it with Fire!” (The Salty Ham Tears Thread, and Shikha’s Fake Troomp Tweet Thread).
I’ll take the extreme vetting, actually, especially since I remember the days of contrarian commenters like Elemenope, Chad, MNG, and Chicago Tom, who did try to argue with some sense of good faith (Though I would *still* punch MNG in face and throw him down a flight of stairs, personally).
MNG actually got along with me (in one of my earlier pre-ban incarnations), despite my being a Zionist Jew. He was a bit… off, but in no sense a malicious troll.
I hated the fucker after he said he would kick the shit out of me until I treated someone who was bleeding to death on the street; never forgot that one.
Still makes me mad, because for every one of him who thinks that, there are tens of thousands more (and probably even more than that) who readily agree.
Which reminds me, you know another commenter of olde whom I miss?
Heller.
Speaking of commenters we miss, I have been thinking of sending ClubMedSux a message and informing him of this site. Don’t know if he will be back, he spends too much time posting on twitter.
It’s like the left is driving the country towards 1968 just because it was “cool man” and “power to the people”. Just change the terms to cis-gender shitlord and the resistance. As far as I can tell, they “feel” that half of the country are National Socialists who want them in the KZ Lager. As far as I can tell, half of the country just wants them to get out of our lives. There is a bonus feel good from us for shutting up and getting a job.
1968 sucked from start to almost finish. Every time we turned on the TV to one of the three networks it made you wince. The Tet Offensive, Khe Sahn siege, a classmate had his father shot down over NVTN, assassinations (not just Kennedy and King), rioting all over the country, police riots in Chicago, Lombardi resigning as the Packers coach, “bad air days”, it just kept going on and on. The only bright spot for the year was Apollo 8. We watched them speak to us from the moon on TV and it was incredible. Afterwards I went out back of the house with my telescope and looked at the moon knowing that men were there and it just stunned me.
The left also forgets what 1968 brought to the left back then- the election of Richard M Nixon. It is like the left is printing up the tickets for the Trump 2021 Inauguration Balls.
“It is like the left is printing up the tickets for the Trump 2021 Inauguration Balls”
Oh yeah, they’re going to keep it up until they make Democrats a permanent minority party. The lunatics are running the asylum and they really have no idea how much ordinary working people despise them and their antics. They need to get right out there and block some traffic with those ‘protests’. I would suggest that they do it on the busiest thoroughfares in cities, right during morning and evening rush hour.
any progress on who is gonna head the DNC?
I haven’t heard much on that lately. I think that the TDS has overcome them to the extent that they can’t focus. But I’m all in for Keith Ellison. He’s perfect.
Much to my dismay, Keith is my Congresscritter. I have met him numerous times and heard him speak. He has below average intelligence without a doubt. He would be a terrible DNC chair. I hope he wins the seat.
I think that is where we might really see where the dems are heading. But not a lot of talk about it. And remember I am the guy who can only get 4 channels of PBS and an NPR station on the car. So if they are not talking about it they must be really embarrassed.
If they are keeping it quiet it is a rare show of common sense.
There’s this guy who has a local broadcast in Balmer at 5pm weekdays. I found it accidentally station flipping on a commute from the city one day. I’ll never forget the first time I heard it. The guy brings up a topic and then he has people call in to comment. That day, I can’t remember the topic, but it was about the Obama admin and what he needed to do to make the economy better. The caller says ‘Ummm, Capitalism has … failed.’ And I’m thinking ‘this is going to be good’. I was laughing my ass off all the way home. If someone did a parody of something like that, there’s no way it could be that funny. The callers are seriously the dumbest fucking retards I’ve ever heard. I listened to that several times, then lost the station and couldn’t remember the name of the show. I tried unsuccessfully to google it a while back, damnit. There’s no way that guy ever gets a caller that had finished 3rd grade of school, that has to be it.
Just recently I realized that about 95% of the time you hear someone on the talking head shows or news say the word capitalism you should just go ahead and replace it with materialism and everything they say makes a lot more sense.
And I bet that old guy is hugging on his huvaround and saying ‘They aint’s taking my huvaround, them capitalists!’. Yeah, who you think made that thing, grandpa? The government? It’s got a freaking DVD player and beer holder, you ain’t gettin that shit from the government, pops.
I was elk hunting along the Columbia River in Washington on election day. The next day as I was coming out of the hills I heard on the radio about the rush hour protests in Portland closing the interstate, major streets, bridges and their light rail system followed the next night by actual rioting in addition to the closures. You are in a blue state, in a hugely blue city and you are trying to convince people trying to get home from work that your cause is righteous by holding them up for hours?
If the Libertarian Party can actually run some decent candidates at multiple levels in 2018 and 2020 then I think they can pick up a couple of elections since disgust at the major parties is palpable. If they can run better candidates than GJ in 2020 then it may force the major parties to at least espouse some liberty friendly positions to try and keep a close race close. If the progs double down on stupid then DT wins in a walk.
The Dems and Progs forget that their snake oil didn’t sell in 2010, 2012, 2014, and 2016. Obama (PBUH) is the only president to win re-election with a smaller percentage of the vote than their first victory. But when I read Vox, Slate, Salon, The Nation the overriding voice is that they need to increase intersectionalism and identity politics. They turned large numbers of the biggest identity group- whites 70% of the population- into another identity group. They keep that going and they’ll never win outside of a prog stronghold.
Oh, they’re going to double down on identity politics and move further to the left. And these protests are going to get out of hand eventually and they’re going to make even more people hate them. There’s nothing left to do with the left except watch them self destruct at this point. Did you see that “My Job Is To Shut Down White People” DNC Chair Candidate? Oh yeah, you go girl!
That is about the last I’ve heard out of it was that gal. Every now and then I wonder are they maybe just trying the “troll ” the opposition idea or are they really going to go there.
Occasionally, no quite often actually, I think that there has to be GOP plants doing the crazy shit. No one is that dumb.
It just seems like at the top of that party there has to be enough power aggregated that it would at least draw the attention of a few non-morons.
I am trying to look at the thing from a weird way tonight.
A lot of the left – the low info voters – are well meaning sorts, who want to make the world a nicer, fairer place.
They don’t know how bad it was back then. They think people protested against mean old Richard Nixon, the sex and pot flowed freely, and the government was forced to end the war.
They want to be like the heros who changed the world. They have no idea that they are part of the stodgy establishment. They have no idea that they are puppets dancing on the strings tugged by the elites in control of the state. They are the foot-soldiers of the counter-revolution.
The best term I’ve heard for them was “Civil Rights Re-enactors”.
That is friggin priceless. Consider it stolen.
Holy shit, thats beautiful. I am stealing that too.
I call them LARPers
DT announced LTG McMaster as the new National Security Adviser. He is intelligent, very street smart and should be able to cut through some of the BS. Hopefully he can cut the NSC staff down to a handful from the over 200 it swelled to under Obama.
Nice one Tonio. Channeling Kerouac? I felt like I was reading a lost chapter of Dr. Sax.
Thanks, everyone. It looks like there will be two more parts to this. Planning to release one per week.
After that I’m on to a new story featuring a pussy hat wearing activist.
Oh goody! I am on pins and needles waiting to see what’s in store for that wacky Dr. Funk ‘n Groov’n (I still have a Tee shirt from the VW “Fahrvergnügen” ad blitz, but it’s Funkengrüven , along with the spell tossing witch doctor Bombay.
*shivers in anticipation*