Friday Morning Links

Friday Links. On time, bulleted, and with content. This Interwebz shit ain’t so hard.

  • Not exactly a gasoline fight. Male models rescue teens who fall through ice at Central Park. Jesse and Riven have tickets to NYC already booked.
  • AFL-CIO cutting staff due to slow sale of their product. I wonder if they’re getting cushy pensions and unemployment benefits from their former employer.
  • If you hoped Trump’s fight with the deep state would become a fight with the police state, you’re disappointed today.
  • Good news cocaine users, heroin’s share of overdoses rise to 25% of the total. Only, not heroin, the stuff people adulterate heroin with. If only there were a solution…
  • What to publish if you don’t want tenure.
I got my mind right boss
See this? It looks like a catbutt doesn’t it? This is what happens at our site if you screw up the links twice in a row.

Comments

449 responses to “Friday Morning Links”

  1. Chipwooder

    BULLET POINTS!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Swiss Servator

      *ducks behind table*

      1. UnCivilServant

        If we set the bullet points to music, does it become an unnumbered Liszt?

        1. Come Bach when you’re ready to take things seriously.

          1. UnCivilServant

            Naw I’d Strauss out if I did that.

          2. Somebody needs to get a Handel on this subthread before it gets out of control.

          3. Keep it up and everyone will be Chopin for another hangout, jerk.

          4. Slammer

            I’m Haydn all of you right now.

          5. Max Coins

            Grab ’em by Debussy.

          6. Rasilio

            That’s a good way to get your rachmaninoff

          7. mr simple

            These puns are only Saint Saëns (pronounced [sɛ̃sɑ̃] in French).

    2. bacon-magic

      *Blam, blam, blam*

      1. dbleagle

        I’m Ravel-ing in this discussion

  2. UnCivilServant

    Is this site set to central time?

    1. Tundra

      The only time that matters, you mean?

      1. UnCivilServant

        I’m just wondering if there’s a localization option which would allow people to use the time zone that’s actually relevent to them.

        1. Tundra

          Where are you UCS?

          1. UnCivilServant

            New York. I make no secret of this.

          2. Rhywun

            Use the Tampermonkey/monocle combo. It also fixes the time zone.

          3. Swiss Servator

            “Fixes”?!?!?!? CENTRAL TIME IS ALL THAT MATTERS!

          4. Bobarian LMD

            The word you’re looking for is ‘neuters’.

          5. bacon-magic

            Central time zone, the name says it all. /Centrist

      2. That would be UTC.

      3. MikeT86

        What’re we Cattle?

        EST or GTFO.

    2. As God intended.

    3. Brett L

      Cis-hetero Shitlord Time.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m on board with that.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          See! I said it was a thing.

      2. Rasilio

        It’s always Cis-heterto Shitlord Time

    4. Old Man With Candy

      We’re Centrists.

      1. Private Chipperbot

        Filthy neutrals…

        1. Negroni Please

          I can never remember if I’m chaotic neutral or neutral good. Does that make me more chaotic? Or maybe less good.

        2. Swiss Servator

          *narrows gaze*

          1. Negroni Please

            Awesome. I lurked that other place for like 8 years. Finally a narrowed gaze of my own. I will cherish it forever.

          2. UnCivilServant

            It wasn’t yours…

          3. Negroni Please

            fucking threading fail. sigh. I am retarded.

          4. You get one now…

            *narrows gaze*

          5. Bobarian LMD

            A pity gaze? There’s something to be proud of.

            Don’t hang it up for display.

          6. TripodKat

            I can’t wait till I get a narrowed gaze some day. Also been watching Swiss hand them out for 5 years.

          7. The real skill is to,post something worthy of a narrowed gaze, but to not be one.

            *selects another sour grape from large bowl*

          8. TripodKat

            Words of wisdom

      2. bacon-magic

        Long live the Centrists! *waves fly-over states flag*(what would that be…a few stalks of corn on a green field with a bird dog pointing and a 24 oz can of Bud?)

        1. Rhywun

          With a deep-dish pizza in the canton.

          1. Old Man With Candy

            DEEP DISH ISN’T PIZZA!!!!

            /goes to control panel to break out cat butthole

          2. bacon-magic

            Itsa pizza pie!

          3. Max Coins

            DEEP DISH ISN’T PIZZA!!!!
            /goes to control panel to break out cat butthole

            I am 100% convinced that these words have never been put in this order in all of human history.

          4. Rhywun

            DEEP DISH ISN’T PIZZA!!!!

            You won’t get any argument from me about that.

          5. *prepares counter cat-butthole*

            YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

        2. mikey

          With the motto “This fuel contains 25% ethanol”

    5. Chipwooder

      In all the time that I lived in the central time zone, I never did get used to football game starting at noon.

      1. Old Man With Candy

        That was one thing I hated about living in California. 10am start times? Jesus christ, I’m not even done puking from Saturday night.

      2. robc

        In central time, they start at 11 AM.

        Oh, you mean the NFL? Nevermind, I thought we were talking football.

        1. Swiss Servator

          *slow clap*

          1. dbleagle

            Pikers, the lot of ya. NFL kick off at 7am here in America’s Polynesian outpost.

        2. The Last American Hero

          Yeah, but who wants to watch kids kick a ball around a field for 2 hours?

          1. Zunalter

            People who love looking like dandy’s in scarves?

  3. Brett L

    We should really team up with the Liberty Memes guys. That and kid pics keep me on Facebook.

    1. UnCivilServant

      I’m not clicking on that.

      1. Slammer

        Some Ancap groups I used to be in on Fbook dealt with Liberty Memes a lot. They have a lot of followers, so putting a meme there could get a lot of views. But people also accuse them of stealing memes without attribution.
        On the other hand, there is no such thing as stealing a meme. I had one go fairly vital, but I never have a shit that I didn’t get creator credit, I knew I made it and that was enough. People watermark their memes now, but it’s easy to erase.
        Liberty Memes has dank stuff, tho.

        1. Well? Are you gonna post your meme at least?

          1. Bobarian LMD

            That meme is pretty vital.

            Makes me want to consider Russia.

  4. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Benadryl hangover this morning. It’s like that cat perched on my chest and took a dump in my mouth while I was sleeping.

    More coffee…….

    1. UnCivilServant

      More coffee…….

      Washing the taste of cat excrement out with something even worse?

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        This Folgers has got flavor crystals. FLAVOR CRYSTALS.

      2. Old Man With Candy

        Kopi Luwak?

        1. UnCivilServant

          Is that the civet shit coffee?

          1. Old Man With Candy

            Yeah. I actually tried some last year. Not. Impressed.

      3. Bobarian LMD

        Washing the taste of cat excrement out…

        It’s not ‘out’, it’s ‘washing it down’.

    2. It’s like that cat perched on my chest and took a dump in my mouth while I was sleeping.

      Yick, that’s a lot of belly button lint. Which always suspiciously looks like dried hairballs…

      What I am trying to figure out is:

      Did the cat have the worst case of haemorrhoids any vet has ever seen, or did the guy get stabbed or have the worst umbilical hernia or omphalocele EVAR?

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Nothing a rubber band or two won’t fix.

        1. What about her band? How much rubbing are we talking here?

  5. SIV

    I require my students to tweet as a class assignment.

    Media studies prof notes her conservative students stick with the media studies assignment while the progressive students derp out.

    1. Zero Sum Game

      The conservative students went rogue and have been fighting in the meme wars. Did you fight in the meme wars, daddy?

      1. The Last American Hero

        I knew your father back in the meme wars. He was a good friend, a great pilot, and powerful Jedi.

        1. Zero Sum Game

          An uncivilized weapon for an uncivilized age.

  6. Brett L

    I think we lost a member the other day.

    Some people throw things when they’re unhappy, others convert their bulldozer into a tank and destroy half their town.

    Marvin John Heemeyer chose the latter option after losing a zoning dispute. The outraged welder and auto mechanic outfitted his Komatsu D355A bulldozer with homemade armor plating. Using 5000 psi Quikrete concrete mix layered between sheets of tool steel, Heemeyer covered his cabin, engine, and portions of his tracks with 1 foot thick armor plates. He mounted multiple cameras around the exterior which could be viewed by multiple monitors mounted to the dashboard. This man was so outraged he was willing to destroy a town, but maintained the thoughtful composure to include air jets that would blast dust away from the camera lenses. Now that’s planning ahead!

    1. UnCivilServant

      I know they made asphalt armor for ships, but now I wonder how well this form of concrete armor holds up against actual anti-tank weapons. (I know, it’s not going to have a great strength to weight ratio…)

      1. Negroni Please

        first you shit on coffee and now you shit on killdozers? I knew you were allegedly a monster, but I assumed like most everything these assholes post that they were lying.

        1. UnCivilServant

          What are you even talking about? I want to know if his armor was truely tank-grade or if it was merely good enough for small arms.

          1. Negroni Please

            I kid I kid. About your reputation for hating everything in the world. I’m not kidding about the rest of these guys being assholes though…

          2. Bobarian LMD

            A good AT weapon can ‘defeat’ about 3 feet of rolled homogeneous armor (RHA). Concrete is no where near the strength of RHA.

            A .50 cal browning firing AP rounds can penetrate about 14″ of reinforced concrete.

            His armor would stop anything in a cop car’s trunk, but the national guard armory would have lots of simple answers to this problem.

          3. LT_Fish

            360mm of RHA maybe…..36″?!? (although I may be conflating terms).

        2. John Titor

          You should believe everything we say, even the lies.

          Especially the lies.

          1. leonadasiv

            The lies are the truest things we say

          2. A half-lie is a double truth!

      2. Brett L

        He died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, so it was up to everything the cops and townies had.

        1. UnCivilServant

          I still want to know what it could take.

          1. Swiss Servator

            *puts Ordnance Officer hat back on*

            If you are talking about something like your common RPG-7…probably take the first hit, no worries. You start getting bigger…TOW II and the like. Might be a problem for ol’ Killdozer. Creating the plasma jet to cut through metal doesn’t help – but enough straight out bang might just tear off a chunk of concrete and leave you open.

          2. Private Chipperbot

            Ask one of the 50 million Russians who play World of Tanks. They could probably tell you the effective armor thickness and how much penetration you’d need to get through it ;-D

          3. dbleagle

            Don’t forget the spalling effect. If hit with a round with enough energy the shock waves can break out lethal shards on the inside layer of metal. He could mitigate this with spacing between the layers of armor.

            Don’t count on Armories or Reserve Centers to have the right stuff even if they were Abrams or Mech units. Most of their equipment is kept elsewhere and one doesn’t keep that Class V in them.

          4. Personally speaking, I’d be looking for the Class VI first…

          5. Emmerson Biggins

            Heh. When you said what it could take I thought you meant “How bad would the zoning ordinance have to be before I did this?”. A little projection on my part, perhaps.

          6. Zero Sum Game

            Ordinance vs. ordnance.

            Round 1. FIGHT!

    2. Zoning issue? Or did somebody fuck up his links one too many times?

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I remember when Shawn Nelson stole the tank from the National Guard depot in San Diego and went berzerk. When they searched his house, they found that he had dug a gold mine in the backyard. Meth is a hell of a drug.

    4. Slammer

      Why am I now seeing so many ads for the World of Bulldozers App on my phone?

      1. Swiss Servator

        *quietly sets down coffee mug, pushes back chair and stands…begins applause that quickly become loud and rapid, throws in a ‘huzzah’ or two*

    5. Trials and Trippelations

      Tell me he bulldozed city hall and the police station

      1. Grumbletarian

        And the former mayor’s house, and a few businesses he had a beef with.

        1. dbleagle

          If you want to add to the number of government watch lists you are on visit some of the ISIS affiliated sites to check out their home made armored vehicles. Many of them would make any Mad Max franchise fan green with envy. The Kurds were making some but the real treasures are ISIS made.

          1. LT_Fish

            Yeahhhh, but most of them are meant to go *boom* with the drivers still in them….a little counter-productive.

  7. Tundra

    This made me smile:

    Hey, Philly – how’s that soda tax working for you?

    So, the geniuses in Philadelphia jacked up the tax on sweetened beverages, people go elsewhere to buy, and businesses start responding rationally.

    The mayor? Not so much:

    Mayor Kenney harshly rebuked reports of coming layoffs late Tuesday night.

    “I didn’t think it was possible for the soda industry to be any greedier,” Kenney said in an emailed statement. “ … They are so committed to stopping this tax from spreading to other cities, that they are not only passing the tax they should be paying onto their customer, they are actually willing to threaten working men and women’s jobs rather than marginally reduce their seven figure bonuses.”

    1. Somebody should pop that guy.

        1. Ha! A classic.

          I’m still surprised Swissy left that one alone. Soda tax. Pop. It was a fucking softball.

    2. UnCivilServant

      Mayor Kenney failed math. And Economics. And logic.

      Mayor Kenney just failed.

      Anyway, the tax amount is equal to the retail price of the beverages in many places, sometimes greater. How in the hell would anyone selling this ever be able to eat that instead of passing it on?

      1. Tonio

        ^This. Let’s hope he gets tossed next election.

      2. John Titor

        He’s an elected official, of course he failed math, economics and logic.

        1. Swiss Servator

          …and ethics.

          1. Bobarian LMD

            I doubt he ever even took that class.

          2. Brett L

            He did, but he cheated.

          3. The first assignment in the class “Ethics for Politicians 101” is to…

    3. The Fusionist

      That mayor sounds like more of a nutter than the mayor named Nutter.

      1. Trolleric the Goth

        who, surprisingly, wasn’t that bad.

    4. straffinrun

      If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe)
      We’d get by
      If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles)
      So would I
      If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe)
      We’d get by
      If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles)
      So would I

    5. straffinrun

      This mayor sounds like he listens to Starship.

      If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe)
      We’d get by
      If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles)
      So would I
      If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe)
      We’d get by
      If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles)
      So would I

      1. Tundra

        Starship is truly worse than Hitler.

        1. straffinrun

          Worse than the Orange Player?

          Hitler, come back.
          Any kind of fool could see.
          There was something in everything about you.
          Hitler, come back.
          You can blame it all on me.
          I was wrong and I just can’t live without you.

          1. tarran

            THERE IS ONLY ONE HITLER SONG! – (((Mel Brooks)))

            Well hi there people, you know me

            I used to run a little joint called Germany.
            I was number one, the people’s choice,
            And everybody listened to my mighty voice.
            My name is Adolf, I’m on the mike.
            I’m gonna hip you to the story of the New Third Reich.
            It all began down in Munich town and pretty soon
            The word started gettin’ around.
            So I said to Martin Boorman
            I said, “Hey Marty, why don’t we throw a little nazi party?”
            We had an election,
            well, kinda sorta,
            And before you knew it, hello! New order.

            To all those mothers in the fatherland I said
            Achtung, Baby, I got me a plan.

            ‘Whatcha got Adolf? Whatcha gonna do?”
            I said “how about this one? World War Two?”

            To be or not to be. Oh baby, can’t you see?
            We’re gonna take it to the top. You’re making history!
            And it feels so good to me!

            ooh darlin’, please don’t ever stop.

            Don’t be stupid; be a smarty
            come on and join the nazi party!
            Like humpty dumpty offa that wall

            All the little countries they began to fall
            Holland
            Belgium
            Denmark
            Poland-
            The troops were rockin’ and the tanks were rollin’

            We were swingin’ along with a song in our hearts.
            And “Deutschland über alles” was making the charts

            We had a new step called a goosestep we were dancing to.
            Well, it’s sorta kinda like a German boogaloo

            I was gettin’ what I wanted. But it wasn’t enough.
            So I called the boys.
            I said, “boys, get though!”

            Now I surrounded myself with some unusual cats.
            There was skinny little Göbbels and Göring mister fats

            And let’s not forget ole Himmler and Hess.
            You’d better believe we made a hell of a mess

            Say Heil – Heil – siegety Heil
            we gonna whip it on the people teutonic style

            To be or not to be. Oh baby, can’t you see?
            We’re gonna make it to the top. You are our destiny
            This thing was meant to be! Why don’t we do it till we drop?

            Say your boots ain’t black and shirt ain’t brown?
            Well, get back Jack! Wou can’t get down.

            Do it
            Adolf
            do it.

            I drank wine from the Rhine with the finest ladies
            And we did it in the back of my black Mercedes.
            I was on a roll. I couldn’t lose.
            Then came D-day – the birth of the blues.
            The Yanks and the Brits started raising Cain

            Those guys were the pits. I was goin’ insane!
            People all around me started swallowing pills

            Let’s face it, folks, we was going downhill.
            Berlin was crumbling. We was under the gun

            Time to look out for number one.
            So I grabbed a blonde and a case of beer

            Say the Russians are commin’! Lets get out of here!

            To be or not to be. Oh honey, can’t you see?
            We had to take it to the top. You sure made history!
            And it felt so good to me!

            oh schatze! Please don’t ever stop.

            Auf wiedersehn! good to’ve seen ya!
            I got a one way ticket to Argentina!

  8. Rhywun

    Male models rescue teens who fall through ice at Central Park

    I saw the original report, with a fairly extensive on-the-scene interview, before their occupation was known. I remember thinking, there’s something about these two that seems… off.

    1. Brett L

      Too good looking to be real New Yorkers? I know what you mean.

      1. Pomp

        It’s a publicity stunt and a big conspiracy. You heard it here first.

      2. Rhywun

        Too good looking to be real New Yorkers?

        Exactly.

  9. Tonio

    Good morning, everyone. I recently watched DRUNK STONED BRILLIANT DEAD: The Story of the National Lampoon. Highly recommend this, particularly for people who are too young to remember when NatLamp was funny and trendy (say up until around 1980), or who wants to know the origins of Animal House and Saturday Night Live.

    It’s particularly relevant for us Glibertarians as a meditation of the ephemerality of media, etc.

    1. Slammer

      National Lampoon and MAD magazine helped form a lot of young minds.

    2. Old Man With Candy

      SP and I watched it about 2 weeks ago. Yes, excellent. It was particularly interesting to see PJ’s take on the transformation following the departure of the creators.

      1. Tonio

        “This type of thing would have never happened were Doug Kenney still in charge.” LOL

        RIP Doug Kenney, John Belushi and Vaughn Bodé.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          I wasn’t happy about how Shary Flenniken aged. Damn, Trots and Bonnie was brilliant.

    1. Glitterstorm

      Thanks Eddie.

  10. Pomp

    Good news cocaine users, heroin’s share of overdoses rise to 25% of the total. Only, not heroin, the stuff people adulterate heroin with. If only there were a solution…

    You mendacious fuck, it’s an epidemic. Didn’t you see that a several hundred more junkies OD’d on shitty heroin and/or black market fentanyl????

    1. The drug problem is self-correcting.

  11. Thymirus

    http://heatst.com/world/german-prosecutor-afghan-asylum-seeker-charged-with-rape-murder-of-student-pretended-to-be-a-child/

    German Prosecutor: Afghan Asylum Seeker Charged with Rape, Murder of Student Pretended to be a Child

    An Afghan asylum seeker charged with raping and murdering the daughter of an EU official in Germany will be tried as an adult after the authorities realized he lied about being under 18.

    Hussein Khavari was arrested over the rape and murder of 19-year-old medical student Maria Ladenburger in Freiburg, south-west Germany, in December. Her body was found in the River Dreisam on October 16.

    Miss Ladenburger was the daughter of Dr Clemens Ladenburger, a lawyer who assists the legal director of the European Commission. In her spare time, the student volunteered at a center helping asylum seekers.

    At the time of his arrest in December, Hussein Khavari claimed to be 17 years old – something Heat Street reported. Under German law, his status as a minor meant he would have served a maximum of 10 years in jail if found guilty.

    However, a report commissioned by the prosecutor’s office has concluded that Khavari was at least 22-years-old at the time of the alleged crime. Their report means he can now be charged as an adult. If found guilty, he could face a life sentence.

    After his arrest, it came to light that in 2013 he told Greek authorities that he was aged 17. This followed a gruesome incident in May of that year in which he threw a 20-year-old student off a cliff on the island of Corfu.

    1. The Fusionist

      “An Afghan asylum seeker [is] charged with raping and murdering the daughter of an EU official in Germany”

      Obviously fake news.

    2. Private Chipperbot

      WTF? How did he get into Germany after throwing someone off a cliff?

      1. UnCivilServant

        You think Angela is checking this history on her hausguests?

    3. In her spare time, the student volunteered at a center helping asylum seekers.

      I had a dream last night where I was Bob Hope and I had to murder Woody Harrelson.

      1. And??? Did you finish the job?

  12. Thymirus

    http://heatst.com/life/teacher-28-gang-raped-by-9-iraqi-immigrants-in-vienna-attack/

    Teacher, 28, ‘Gang Raped By 9 Iraqi Immigrants In Vienna Attack’

    A court in Austria has heard that nine Iraqi immigrants gang raped a teacher during New Year’s Eve celebrations in Vienna.

    The woman, 28, said she was drinking in a bar with a female friend but was apparently “taken away” by four men and led to an apartment where five more men were waiting to begin the “humiliating and agonizing” attack, which lasted for two hours.

    The defendants in the case are aged 22 to 45 and are all related to each other. At the time of the alleged attack, which is said to have taken place on January 1, 2016, five of the men had refugee status while the asylum applications of the other four were pending.

    After the alleged incident, one of the men led the woman – who is German – to a bathroom in the apartment and with his phone took a photo featuring both of them. She was later taken to a tram stop in central Vienna and subsequently hospitalized.

    One defendant has pleaded guilty to rape. The others deny assaulting the woman. The court was told they feel “no guilt” despite the existence of DNA evidence. One claimed the woman had been “offered” to them by relatives while another said she was willing.

    1. Thymirus

      http://heatst.com/culture-wars/man-in-denmark-charged-with-blasphemy-for-burning-the-koran-uploading-it-to-facebook/

      Man in Denmark Charged with Blasphemy for Burning the Koran on Facebook

      A man in Denmark has been arrested and charged with blasphemy after filming himself burning a copy of the Koran.

      The unnamed suspect uploaded the footage of himself setting fire to the religious text onto Facebook, to a group called “YES TO FREEDOM – NO TO ISLAM”. The video was titled “Consider your neighbour: it stinks when it burns.”

      The 42-year-old is understood to be the first person to be charged with blasphemy in Denmark for 46 years. The last time it happened, in 1971, two radio hosts were prosecuted, and acquitted, after being accused of insulting Christianity.

      A conviction for blasphemy in Denmark, where it is defined as “publicly insulting or degrading religious doctrines or worship”, can lead to a prison sentence of four months.

      1. Thymirus

        Behold, my fellow hellions, the European vanguard of modernity.

    2. The Fusionist

      Historical Rubbish

      “I used to belong to the Society for Military History. I withdrew my membership yesterday when I was informed by the Society that it had signed on to the following resolution by the American Historical Association. Below is that resolution with my commentary…”

      1. The Fusionist

        Oops, I meant to put that in its own subthread, but I suppose it’s relevant to a “refugee” post.

      2. John Titor

        Is that cross killing that eagle with lasers?

    3. Tonio

      One claimed the woman had been “offered” to them by relatives

      While possible, that sounds implausible. Modern westerners don’t do that. Sounds like they are projecting their own cultural norms onto their hosts. It’s not the Islam so much as the third-world shitholery.

      1. Thymirus

        Genuinely Westernized Muslims whose religious practices have been remolded by their immersion in civilized society, and who no longer observe the precepts of their dogma well, likely wouldn’t conduct themselves this way. Pious Muslims can, and often do, treat their women as chattel.

      2. Old Man With Candy

        Unstated assumption: the news report is accurate. Remember the previous New Year gang-grope that turned out to be… nothing at all?

        1. Tonio

          That, too, OMWC.

        2. Private Chipperbot

          I *think* the nothing-at-all rape was the most recent NYE in Frankfurt. The 2016 attacks were legit.

          1. Tonio

            Chip, those two events seem to have become conflated in the collective conscious, thus disproving one disproves both.

          2. Private Chipperbot

            Yeah. It’s why I hate the hand waving about actual incidents. It makes it more difficult to tamp down the fake shit.

          3. What “fake shit”? There were legit attacks in GER in 2017 NYE.

            If you’re referring to that smut rag Bild claiming, “FAKE Nooze!,” I wouldn’t trust it to line a bird cage and reliably catch budgie biscuits.

            It’s a seriously disreputable rag. All the Euro-Nooze! we viewed here still regards the 2017 (much fewer than 2016) attacks and mayhem as legit.

          4. Private Chipperbot

            We’ve reached the reply limit! I was referring to an ENB article from a week or two ago where a specific incident turned out to be fake. The way she wrote the article tried to make it sound like all the other reports were fake. It was one of those “See, fake news!!!” that tried to muddy up the fact that actual crimes were committed.

      3. Steve Son of Steve

        “Modern westerners don’t do that”

        Yes, some do. I have a female friend who was “offered” to several men by her brother over the course of a week. Right here in the good ol’ US of A. The price varied each time, but it was never more than $250 for a weekend. Not at all suggesting that’s what happened here, but it’s not completely out of the question.

  13. Good morning, freaks and geeks –

    Day two of the “great unpacking” continues. The wine stores are getting dangerously low, and my back, even after all my strength conditioning, is screaming for some couch time.

    My parent’s new place is very, very nice but none of the furniture they have – from a log cabin built in the 1980s – really matches very well. And you also get to learn some weird stuff – like my dad who refuses to spend $200-$300 to replace a futon frame that got damaged during the move, but has no problem dropping a shit load of money on a pair of new top-o’-line box springs and mattresses.

    1. UnCivilServant

      I actually agree with your father. The futon frame might be repaired, but a good bed is a good bed and a decent’s night sleep has a high marginal value.

      1. Raven Nation

        It also has other value: my then girlfriend now wife made it clear that getting rid of my futon and buying a bed were necessary if we were going to get married.

        1. UnCivilServant

          Sire Humungus is already married.

    2. [L]ike my dad who refuses to spend $200-$300 to replace a futon frame that got damaged during the move…

      “HEY! It’s still good! I can fix that! Don’t you *dare* throw away that perfectly good frame!” *fires up mig & arc welders or Ryobi mini saw and nailgun*

      -The Ghost of Primus Maximus

    3. The Last American Hero

      Why you don’t have the orphans hauling the furniture? Surely they can take one day off from mining and monocle polishing.

  14. Mystery as massive hairy blob-like ‘monster’ washes up on beach in the Philippines

    Gobsmacked locals can be seen posing for selfies next to the mystery sea creatures in Cagdainao, Dinagat Islands.

    Several unusual sea creatures have been washing up on the islands following a deadly earthquake last week.

    It prompted speculation that the sea creatures are able to “predict” or detect early tremors.

    In this case, a massive white creature that appeared to be bleeding appeared on the coast.

    1. straffinrun

      So that is how The Never Ending Story ends.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        dammit, took my joke

        1. Trials and Trippelations

          double damn!

    2. Old Man With Candy

      STEVE SMITH.

    3. Tonio

      Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!

      The stars are coming right…

      1. Swiss Servator

        *hides until after Midsummer*

    4. Drake

      Should we be building Jaegers?

  15. Rhywun

    you’re disappointed today

    If Trump didn’t campaign on it, and I don’t remember him doing so, it won’t happen.

    1. straffinrun

      If you weren’t planning on being disappointed, well, you are going to be disappointed.

      1. Rhywun

        If you like your disappointment, you can keep your disappointment.

        1. Swiss Servator

          Then I shall!

          *hugs disappointment*

        2. Rhywun

          Someone went in and fixed my typo. Disappointed!

          1. straffinrun

            No worries. Your run-on sentence is still there.

          2. straffinrun

            Ok. I’m a bit tipsy. I actually read that wrong.

          3. *it was the Good Edit Fairy!*

          4. Bobarian LMD

            I didn’t think we’re supposed to call them fairies anymore?

  16. Winter Garden cop breaks knee cap in struggle with Victoria’s Secret theft suspect

    In a broken radio call just after 1:30 p.m. Tuesday, backup officers heard Officer Jose Rivera say he needed help at the lingerie store on Daniels Road in Winter Garden.

    Rivera was fighting with a man, who was trying to stop him from using his police radio, an arrest report states. He asked for backup to “step it up.”

    The other officers arrived to find Rivera on the ground trying to pin down the 300-pound, 5-foot-6-inch man, later identified as Algernon Jemau Baker, 23, of Orlando, according to the report.

    It took three officers to finally subdue him, police said.

    1. straffinrun

      That poor guy. Where do I send him flowers?

      1. Swiss Servator

        Dammit, you got in first!

    2. Private Chipperbot

      Panties for Algernon?

    3. Grumbletarian

      5′ 6′ and 300 lbs? Either he’s a solid block of muscle or he’s shorter than his circumference.

    4. The Last American Hero

      Poor cop was probably thinking this was going to turn out like some Penthouse Forum story where he shows up, dispatches the perp, and then some of the clerks decide to close the store and give him a private show after being so impressed with his bravery.

      Instead he needs backup to take down a fatass, and gets a broken kneecap to boot.

      Kudos for not shooting anyone, though.

  17. Tonio

    This site detects double-posts and won’t allow them. The squirrel-wrangling skills of SP are truly great.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’ll take “Things I Didn’t Know I Was Missing” for $800 Alex.

    2. Thymirus

      You won’t believe how much money my second cousin’s uncle’s coworker’s drug dealer’s ex-girlfriend’s grandmother’s transsexual boyfriend makes working at home on his laptop just thirty minutes a day!

      More information here:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z37PR0-kdhA

    3. Swiss Servator

      Tonio, When I fire up the site each day, I Tebow to SP’s profile.

      1. Slammer

        I love this site. Everything runs smoother than a perfectly double-tapered turd. That’s a compliment.

    4. Old Man With Candy

      squirrel-wrangling skills of SP are truly great

      There’s a handjob joke in there somewhere. But I dare not risk her mighty wrath.

  18. RESIST!

    One month in, anti-Trump movement shows signs of sustained momentum

    Parallel scenes have played out across the country this week during the first congressional recess since Donald Trump became president. Republican lawmakers returning home confronted a wave of anger over a spectrum of issues, including immigration, healthcare and Trump’s possible ties to Russia.

    The raucous meetings are the latest in a relentless series of rallies, marches and protests that shows no signs of abating more than 30 days into the new administration.

    The anti-Trump energy has prompted talk of a liberal-style Tea Party movement, in reference to the protests in 2009 that helped reshape the Republican Party and arguably laid the groundwork for Trump’s surprise electoral victory last year.

    1. UnCivilServant

      One month in, well-funded tantrums haven’t stopped.

    2. Zero Sum Game

      spectrum of issues

      Oh, they have issues and many are on the spectrum alright.

      1. This Machine

        Nice.

        *low-fives ZSG*

        1. Zero Sum Game

          I haven’t had a low-five in a while!

          Wanna trade POGs? I’ve got a pretty good one.

    3. Grumbletarian

      I’ll bet they said the same thing about the Occupy Wall Street movement.

  19. Rhywun

    By the end of the semester, if any employer asks for their social-media feed, they can show a record of intelligent, thoughtful, and professional tweets tell them to piss off?

    Fixed.

    1. Brett L

      Presumably, these are the type of people who WANT to get jobs tweeting. Media studies.

      1. Rhywun

        Want… to tweet.

        That sounds like torture.

      2. The Last American Hero

        How the fuck is this an actual college course?

  20. Pomp

    Things are heating up in a big way in the Philippines. This poor cursed collection of islands just can’t catch a break.

    1. Tundra

      Ah, the sweet, sweet smell of prohibition…

    1. Brett L

      So you’re saying he was big in Mexico?

      1. The Last American Hero

        Hyouuge.

  21. Warty

    Here is a decent guide to Bayesian statistics. Learn up, fags.

    1. Pomp

      I’m sorry Smokey, you were over the line. Mark it zero, Dude.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Warty’s got the power to edit his posts, doesn’t he? Well shit.

        1. Tundra

          Some animals are more equal than others, Scruffy.

        2. UnCivilServant

          Apparently.

          The Cheater

        3. Pomp

          Don’t be jelly.

        4. Tonio

          Warty just goes back in time and changes them. It is known.

        5. Warty

          Yep. It’s easier to post and then use my powers to put the link in in edit mode than to put the raw HTML in myself. Especially on my phone. Putting those brackets in is a pain in the dick.

          1. Putting those brackets in is a pain in the dick.

            Indeed.

          2. Warty

            What the fuck is that thing? Some sort of robotic ass-hammer device, I hope.

          3. straffinrun

            It’s a penis. Unfamilar?

          4. It’s a male enhancement device, actually. It stretches the penis so’s internal tissue is elongated whilst flaccid; it’s different take on the concept of hyperaemia, where one uses suction to draw more blood into the member to increase size and volume.

            Both do work, but the effects are temporary at best for hyperaemia. The penis stretcher, well, you just end up with a long, skinny noodle, assuming you don’t break yourself in the process.

          5. Swiss Servator

            It’s a coaxial schlong gun set up.

          6. It’s a coaxial schlong gun set up.

            That’s this.

          7. That’s not my bag, baby.

          8. That’s not my bag, baby.

            Banjos, care to confirm? East German judges?

          9. Old Man With Candy

            She and I were talking yesterday about how she can fit both of sloopy’s balls in her mouth at the same time.

        6. Francisco d’Anconia

          AND he’s got the power to edit YOUR posts.

    2. Negroni Please

      Are you sure it’s a decent guide? How many iterations of reading it have you catalogued?

        1. Swiss Servator

          *enthusiastic applause*

  22. The Fusionist

    Here’s the White House transcript that includes Spicer’s marijuana remarks.

    Bad news about recreational marijuana – the feds will be stepping up their attacks on the 10th Amendment on that subject.

    On medical marijuaua:

    “I think medical marijuana, I’ve said before that the President understands the pain and suffering that many people go through who are facing especially terminal diseases and the comfort that some of these drugs, including medical marijuana, can bring to them. And that’s one that Congress, through a rider in 2011 — looking for a little help — I think put in an appropriations bill saying the Department of Justice wouldn’t be funded to go after those folks.”

    So at least they acknowledge that the Rohrabacher Amendment means what it says – under Obama, we sometimes had US Attorneys ignoring that amendment and prosecuting state-legal medical marijuana.

    1. Certified Public Asshat

      No, the radio this morning told me Obama looked the other way, but Trump will be arresting your grandma with cancer.

    2. The Tenth Amendment has nothing to do with this.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Sure it does. It’s one of many reasons why the Controlled Substances Act is blatantly unconstitutional.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          The 10th Amendment was put to bed in the 1860’s.

  23. The Fusionist

    Dana Dana Rohrabacher is filing a bill again this year requiring the feds to respect state marijuana laws, not just medical marijuana this time but recreational too.

    1. The Fusionist

      Sperfluous “Dana”

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Too much sacramental wine last night?

      2. UnCivilServant

        “Superfluous Dana” sounds like a non-de-plume.

        1. Swiss Servator

          Or a New Age-Jazz fusion band.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    AFL-CIO cutting staff due to slow sale of their product. I wonder if they’re getting cushy pensions and unemployment benefits from their former employer.

    I’m sure they’ll get first shot at $5/hr picket line jobs, under the watchful eye of the giant inflatable rat.

    1. UnCivilServant

      The inflatable rat has his thirty years in, he retired.

      1. Swiss Servator

        Now he just hangs at the union hall with a bottle of Old Grandad and tells stories from the good old days.

  25. straffinrun

    Hadn’t read Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar since Uni, so I did a search for a podcast. I wanted to compare the reaction many are having to Trump to that of Cassius and Brutus. Nice little site here for the audio with line by explanations. I actually read the play very carefully back in the day, but this guy’s explanations of each line made me realize just how much I missed.

  26. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I must take my leave now. Off to download 22 years of business data from the AS400, format it, and upload to PostgreSQL. After that, I can turn that black box off forever.

    1. UnCivilServant

      Muahahahaha!

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Question for the Peanuts:

    Yesterday, I got an official-looking “notice” on my (android) phone to re- sign in. I got about half way through my password and suddenly saw a cartoon image of myself in the mode of Elmer Fudd with a giant lollipop where my head should be (SUCKER!). Am I being phished? I was unable to find a direct link to google support.

    Should I do a factory reset? I have been toying with that idea for a while, just as a severe housekeeping strategy.

    ps-I already tried turning it off and then turning it back on, you wiseasses.

    1. UnCivilServant

      Find a woodchipper – throw the phone in.

      Get a non-smartass phone.

        1. UnCivilServant

          Imagine the battery life you can get with modern batteries in that case and up-to-date cell electronics behind the keypad.

          “I charge my phone once a year”

    2. Swiss Servator

      *struggles to resist cat-butting P Brooks for using “Peanuts*

      1. P Brooks is my honourable and right good friend. He iis new to the ways of these Glibertariats; he knows not what he does.

        I offer to take his punishment is his place, so’s Brooksie may save face. I will even watch Morning Joke as penance.

        *braces for impact*

        1. “I will even watch Morning Joke as penance.”

          Whoa, hey….no need to go that far!

    3. 1. What credentials is it asking for? Your Google username and password, just your device password, or something else?

      2. Assuming Google username and password, go to Settings and then “Accounts”. Your Google account should be listed there; click it, and if it’s having trouble signing in it ought to say so there.

      If that pane indicates that your phone is having trouble signing in to your Google account, then it is probably true*. If not, you may indeed be subject to a phishing attempt.

      *Technically, malware could root your phone and tamper with that screen, especially if you have an older version of Android. But malware that escalates itself that far doesn’t have a huge amount of need to attempt to phish you, not that it would be shocking.

    4. Nephilium

      I got the same thing yesterday through both of my android devices and Google desktop apps. Since I use 2-factor, I went ahead and logged in, then ran the security checkup. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Since it popped up on everything at once, I’m assuming it was legit.

      1. bacon-magic

        Had same issue. I was worried about it, couldn’t sign in using a text message verify. Went to my email and re-logged back in and now I don’t see it anymore. I assume it’s fixed or my bank account is being drained as we speak. Thank Jebus I’m poor.

    5. grrizzly

      Yesterday I had to re-sign to one of my Google accounts on every device. I think it’s not just your phone.

    6. GSL in E

      One option: install the Lookout security app and see if it detects any malware.

      I haven’t seen this myself. Wonder if this only applies to non-Nougat Android?

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Off to download 22 years of business data from the AS400, format it, and upload to PostgreSQL.

    Are you going to do a hard copy in cuneiform?

    1. UnCivilServant

      That’s the “Format it” phase.

    2. Old Man With Candy

      Ugh, we went through a MAS500 -> AS400 -> NAV ERP migration all within one year. I’m astonished that only 75% of our data went missing.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    For those of you who missed it, Steve Bullock, Governor of Montana, vetoed Constitutional carry (again).

    For the children OFFICER SAFETY.

    1. Slammer

      COMMENTLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

      1. Slammer

        Well. That looks retarded.

        1. straffinrun

          Nah. Your thumb pic makes it suitable.

          1. Slammer

            *sssssssssssss*

    2. John Titor

      Well, at least he’d probably lose.

      Personally I’d prefer a Napoleon, I don’t even care which one.

      1. Swiss Servator

        +1 Sphinx without a riddle

      2. Slammer

        +1 Mille-feuille

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          Now I want dessert. Dammit.

    3. Rhywun

      They can have him.

      1. John Titor

        You want to combine the smugness of Barack Obama with the smugness of the entire French nation?

        You monster.

        1. Rhywun

          Who gets the last laugh when Trump adds France to the Axis of Evil.

          1. Swiss Servator

            You know who else considered France evil?

          2. UnCivilServant

            John Lackland?

          3. straffinrun

            Jack LaLanne?

          4. Old Man With Candy

            Johnny LaRue?

          5. mr simple

            Harold Godwinson?

      2. Slammer

        He’d take the job. Almost guaranteed.

    4. The Last American Hero

      Hey, he could smoke without catching a ton of shit for it.

  30. Warty

    Holy shit, 20 comments on the H&R morning links. Did everyone leave and come here?

    1. UnCivilServant

      I think so.

      1. straffinrun

        It’s great. Emergent order FTW.

        1. cyto

          Everyone except me. I’m not here.

          1. Shouldn’t your handle be, “Viro,”? Your avatar looks suspiciously like a bacteriophage. I suggest quarantine & vaccine protocols, STAT!

            You’re probably the reason why Brooksie and Nephilium are having problems with their phones.

    2. John Titor

      It’s partially a feedback loop. Bunch of the commentariat leaves, less discussion occurs, more space for trolls, more people leave as a result, the cycle continues. Ecosystem permanently damaged.

      1. Pomp

        Mike M. thrives.

        1. John Titor

          You know all those dumb pollution villains from those shitty 90s environmentalist kids’ cartoons like the Ooze or the Smogmaker or some nonsense?

          That’s Mike M. in this scenario.

          1. Pomp

            Unlike Smoggy, Mike huffs potato chips and pizza bagel bites farts.

      2. R C Dean

        Kind of a death spiral, really. Sad!

        Give it another week, and it will be trollbot on trollbot action, with auto-comments in the thousands. Kinda like that video where two Alexas “talk” to each other and wind up falling in love.

        1. JOhnny MAckson sez:

          It kinda Makes sense when you Think about it! Lol!

          http://www.anonyb0TonTop.joke.com

    3. Mostly. Critical mass, I suspect.

    4. TripodKat

      I did. Reason is basically a progressive-lite site when it comes to social issues. They’re still okay on economics though as far as I can tell.

    5. Certified Public Asshat

      I was wrong, the Emily video they posted yesterday was not enough to bring us back.

    6. BuSab Agent

      Yes

    7. UnCivilServant

      74 comments at 1hr 38 minutes after posting.

      Less than one comment a minute is well below pre-exodus levels.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    *struggles to resist cat-butting P Brooks for using “Peanuts*

    “I was Joking! Don’t you people know a joke when you hear one?”

    1. UnCivilServant

      No.

      We did not purchase the humor detection module upgrade.

      1. That’s because it’s an automatic upgrade. Yours simply keeps FAILing to update, for some odd reason.

        1. UnCivilServant

          Automatic updates are a violation of security policy. They must be extensively tested in Dev before being implemented. However, due to budget cuts, we do not have a dev environment at this time.

    2. Don’t worry, I won the struggle over myself. I truly do love Big Brooks.

      1. This Machine

        *two deep-dish pizza-scented tears trickle down the side of Switzy’s nose*

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Holy shit, 20 comments on the H&R morning links. Did everyone leave and come here?

    Dave’s not here, man.

  33. straffinrun

    I didn’t see anything in O’Keefe’s big dump on CNN. Seems like another big nothing burger.

    1. UnCivilServant

      you listened to all 119 hours?

      I stopped when I heard how long it was.

      1. straffinrun

        Wasn’t so bad. Downloaded into my skull ala Martrix. Now I know Kung Fu and Richard Quest’s preferred gag ball maker.

  34. TripodKat

    So I’m in the market for a new car – a 4-door sedan or a 2-door coup, somewhere in the ballpark of $20k-$35k. I took a look at the Maxima SR & SV, which I really like. I also test drove a Kia Optima (hated it), the new hatchback Civic (loved it) and an Accord (hated it). What else should I test drive before I make a decision?

    I’m looking for a nice interior, something with creature comforts. My area has a ton of traffic each day so it doesn’t need to be anything crazy performance-wise, since I’ll be doing a lot of stop-and-go. My main concern is comfort, a good sound system and decent safety features.

    1. Certified Public Asshat

      Does the HR-V interest you at all?

      1. TripodKat

        Na, the HR-V is too much like an SUV, I don’t really have much use for the extra room other than for occasional transport of new bulk items.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Lesbaru

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Also, a lot of people overlook Mazda. I once had an RX-7 that I loved.

        1. Pomp

          Look into uses bugattis

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            *checks wallet*

            Yeah, not there yet.

          2. Brett L

            My experience with cars like that (okay, not Bugattis but Audi/Mercedes even Lotus) is that they become dirt cheap once they are outside of the maintenance warranties. Seriously inside your price range. Until you need new brakes.

          3. Thymirus

            I only know one guy personally who’s got a Lotus. It’s a newer Elise, and it’s delicate as fuck, and everything is pricey. I could rebuild my Firebird for what he spends on detailing it every month.

        2. TripodKat

          Oh shit, thanks Scruffy I forgot about Mazda. I heard the new Mazda 6 models are pretty good too…

        3. Drake

          I bought a Mazda 3 Grand Touring S last year. Like the interior, sportiness, good economy even with the bigger engine, and I was able to get it with a manual transmission. The 6 is basically a bigger version of the same car.

          I drove a Maxima for a decade back when they had manuals and were going with the “4-door sportscar” theme. I like the way the new one looks but too pricey for me.

          1. TripodKat

            Okay, I’ll have to look at the 3 too. My step-father has a Mazda 3 and he likes it a lot. Thanks for the suggestions.

          2. The Last American Hero

            I’ll second the 3. Have to get the S GT, though. They pack in a lot of value for your dollar.

        4. Thymirus

          Wenkels tend to be unreliable and thirsty.

          1. Bobarian LMD

            They don’t put wankels in anything, anymore.

          2. Thymirus

            I was referring to his RX7.

          3. Bobarian LMD

            Ahh, I missed that, but depending on the year of the RX-7, those rotaries were pretty reliable and fun. They ended them more because of the emission issues.

            My college roommate had one. I remember him passing out in the passenger seat while I was the DD, doing 125 on Hwy 9 along the Hudson river.

    3. straffinrun

      I love my Honda. Bought it new and despite a few recalls, it’s been great. Then again the Mazda Demio (don’t know the name they use in the states) we had before that was awesome, too. Glad my wife talked me out of the Benz I had wanted. She thought we’d look too uppity picking up the kid at school. Japanese modesty is a money saver.

      1. TripodKat

        What kind of Honda do you have?

        I hear you about modesty though – I’m trying to make sure I don’t get a more expensive car than my bosses’ boss, who just bought a new car. I don’t want people at work thinking I’m making more than them (even if I might), especially since I’m a lot younger than most of the people here.

        1. Thymirus

          If you don’t mind my asking, why is this an issue?

          1. TripodKat

            Office politics. The place I work has a lot of lifers, and I’m jockeying to climb the ladder. They’ve already put my on the board of directors for the company’s charity and I’m making waves in the public speaking space here. Basically, I have an image I’d like to cultivate cause I’m a devious bastard. I’ll throw more money around once I’m up a rung or two on the ladder.

          2. Thymirus

            Fair play, pal. Well, fear not – if you DO like the Challenger, it won’t be an issue, since it’s relatively cheap. But I suppose a Pagani is off the table for now. 😛

          3. TripodKat

            Yeah I am VERY surprised by the prices of some of the cars you guys are suggesting, my options are a lot more open than I thought at this price range. I appreciate all the help!

          4. Thymirus

            For what it’s worth, I’ve personally heard nothing but good things from both old and new enthusiasts who’ve test-driven newer Challengers and V8 Mustangs . If you don’t end up buying one, go try one and dick around for 15 minutes. 😛

            Also, as much as I dislike Asian cars typically, I know two guys with some sporty Nissan Zs they very much laud.

          5. Thymirus

            *Even if you don’t end up buying one

          6. TripodKat

            Yeah, fuck it, I might as well try one out since I’m in the market. Thanks again for the advice.

    4. Thymirus

      Post-2015 Dodge Challengers are genuinely comfortable cars, especially considering that they’re muscle. They’re coupes, but rear space is good (it’s based on a sedan chassis). Fuel efficiency climbs slightly beyond the mid-twenties, although it improves even further under low loads. The HEMI shuts down four cylinders at cruise and low speed.

      The 2017 Dodge Challenger R/T is the one I’d recommend. You’re looking at just under the upper limit of your budget for a well-optioned one. And they’re sexy. It’ll be the 350ci HEMI V8.

      Your requirements seem to relatively lax, which is a good recipe for avoiding boring shit on the automotive market.

      1. Thymirus

        *seem to be

      2. TripodKat

        I’m surprised a car like that can be bought on my budget. It’s a interesting thought, I’ll have to test drive one. How is visibility sitting inside?

        I do worry a little bit about how I’ll be perceived at work driving a muscle car like that, especially since I’m not an enthusiast. I don’t even like to go fast so is there really a point to having a V8?

        1. Thymirus

          They’re sharp and responsive to drive, and visibility is average (hampered by colossal C-pillars). The latest Challengers have detectors and lights on the mirrors that notify you if there’s someone in a blindspot – although, quite frankly, I thought it was relatively easy to drive, even on a first attempt (small British town, approximately 20 minutes). They’re not a burden, by any means, if you’ve got reasonable skill as a driver generally.

          I can’t divine how you assign value to your coworkers’ perceptions, or why they’d view driving a Challenger negatively, but honestly, if you’ve got 35,000USD to spend on a new car, a unique ride with both convenience and enjoyability seems like the perfect choice. That’s my personal take on it.

          You can buy a well-equipped 2017 Dodge Challenger SXT for about 28,000 that’ll come packing a 220ci Pentastar V6, and it’ll be slightly more efficient on gasoline, but the difference in price between it and the HEMI is relatively small, so I’d go for the V8 as a matter of preference.

          1. TripodKat

            Hmm, interesting. I just don’t know if its “me”. I feel like when you buy a muscle car it kinda says “hey, I’m into cars, I know some stuff.” I really don’t, so I don’t have a full appreciation for the muscle.

    5. Thymirus

      Since you seem focused presently on Asian cars, my personal recommendation would be to avoid the Subaru BRZ and its counterpart. Bored the shit out of me.

      1. TripodKat

        I haven’t even considered Subaru — Subarus remind me of soccer moms. Probably because my mom owns one. I appreciate the heads up on it. I will check out Ford, just cause ‘merica!

        1. UnCivilServant

          I recently bought the least popular Ford in the country.

          According to Ford’s own numbers for every 15 Fusions and 10 Foci on the road there is only one of my model.

          I’m starting to wonder why I never see anyone else driving one.

          1. I recently bought the least popular Ford in the country.

            You finally found that Pinto you’ve been pining for all these years. I’ll give you points for tenacity.

    6. Tonio

      Suby.

    7. R C Dean

      Mrs. Dean is looking for a sedan (more work-appropriate than her jacked-up modded FJ Cruiser). She’s a gearhead, so she is insisting on rearwheel drive, which seriously limits the choices (not necessarily a bad thing). She has pretty well settled on a Cadillac CTS (6 cylinder only). If you shop around, you can find them with less than 35,000 miles for less than $30,000 – pretty good value.

      1. Thymirus

        There’s a whole realm of possibilities available if he isn’t looking to buy a new car specifically.

      2. Trolleric the Goth

        Q50 with the new twin turbo 3.0, another to consider

      3. Brett L

        This site has about 5 right at $30k.

        I bought my most recent used car from them when their main show room was just up the street. I was impressed by the operation.

    8. Bobarian LMD

      If you liked the Maxima, the Altima is also a good choice.

      A Ford Focus or Fusion are decent ‘merican choices. As is the new Malibu.

      Mazda 6 is good, too. Probably the best handling of the bunch.

      1. TripodKat

        I currently have an Altima and its done its job well. I’m just bored of the look and feel of it, so I’m looking to change it up. I only hear good things about the Focus — definitely going to give ‘Merica a shot for sure. I’ll ask about the Fusion and Malibu while I’m there.

        Anyone know anything about Volvo? My boss swears they’re great these days, but I never hear much positive buzz around them.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          Volvo is now Chinese owned (Geely). I don’t have any clue as to their dependability being what it once was.

          But I’m skeptical that they can be as dependable as they once were.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    What else should I test drive before I make a decision?

    Audi A6, maybe? I have a soft spot for German cars not made by Mercedes Benz.

    It seems like it’s pretty hard to go wrong with Honda; I have a 26 year old Civic which I have owned for more than ten years, and have put about 100k miles on. I’d kick myself if I ever got rid of it, so I just keep making it go.

    1. Drake

      I’ve learned to despise them after our last BMW had ridiculous maintenance problems.

      1. TripodKat

        Yeah, how is Audi when it comes to maintenance? BMW’s notoriously high repair cost and faulty electronics kept me away from them. I never really considered Audi before.

        1. Thymirus

          Early-decade Audis are expensive to maintain, and are horrifically overcomputerized.

          1. GSL in E

            German cars in general are really expensive to maintain. My parents are VW people, and I was always shocked by this.

            Also: would not recommend VW. They can be fun to drive (especially the smaller Golf/GTI models), but in my experience a lot of costly shit starts to go wrong around 80K miles, and doesn’t really stop.

            Would recommend: Hondas are great (had a CR-V not long ago that I really liked), as are Mazdas (drive a CX-7 now, which they don’t make anymore; I’d guess the CX-5 is the closest equivalent).

          2. Thymirus

            Funnily enough, I’ve seen an increase in well-loved, enthusiast-owned RX8s around recently. They were refused certification for failing European regulations a while ago, which is why they were discontinued, but people seem to enjoy them.

          3. Trash Panda

            Can confirm- I own an ’08 Jetta and once it passed 80k a little over a year ago I became a well-recognized face in the dealership’s waiting room while my car’s electrical/transmission/brakes/others I’ve forgotten were hacked away at nearby. The car is still decent to drive and I highly doubt used cars with manual transmissions have gotten any more common as of late but another few grand into that thing in the next year or two may very well change my mind.

            And now, with the first moderated comment out of the way I will return to my lurking ways…

  36. The Late P Brooks

    1. What credentials is it asking for? Your Google username and password, just your device password, or something else?

    2. Assuming Google username and password, go to Settings and then “Accounts”. Your Google account should be listed there; click it, and if it’s having trouble signing in it ought to say so there.

    If that pane indicates that your phone is having trouble signing in to your Google account, then it is probably true*. If not, you may indeed be subject to a phishing attempt.

    It’s asking for my google account password. I haven’t been able to get into the google play store for a while- I get some “unable to download” error code; it’s probably legit.

    It’s just that I had a “Are you smarter than John Podesta?” moment. I’ll try the settings route.

    Thanks, Carl.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    And- Nephilium-

    I have a second phone (lapsed tracfone) I use just over wifi for youtube, music, and roku remote app. It did the same thing. Maybe it’s some kind of andriod update.

    1. Nephilium

      Looks like a bug on the back end.

  38. Chipwooder

    An 86 year old man was shot dead by cops during a supposed “welfare check” in which they kicked his door down in the night. The old Navy vet grabbed his .38 pistol as his home was being invaded, which of course led to our heroes killing him.

    1. Rhywun

      38 degrees in SJ?! 63 in NYC, suckers

      1. Slammer

        No wonder people are falling through the ice.

        1. Rhywun

          Yeah, that wasn’t any kind of brain trust out on that ice.

    2. Drake

      So how was his ‘wellness” other than the bullet holes?

      1. UnCivilServant

        He is now in a stable condition.

      2. Trials and Trippelations

        The cops are well and their firearms seem to be well functioning

  39. The Late P Brooks

    Krugabe offers up more of his keenest insights.

    After years to prepare, Mr. Ryan finally unveiled what was supposedly the outline of a health care plan. It was basically a sick joke: flat tax credits, unrelated to income, that could be applied to the purchase of insurance.

    These credits would be obviously inadequate for the lower- and even middle-income families that gained coverage under Obamacare, so it would cause a huge surge in the number of uninsured. Meanwhile, the affluent would receive a nice windfall. Funny how that seems to happen in every plan Mr. Ryan proposes.

    Hold on to your hats, folks; policies based on manipulation of income tax liabilities disproportionately affect those with significant taxable income!

    And this-

    This week, perhaps realizing how flat his effort fell, he began tweeting about freedom, which he defined as “the ability to buy what you want to fit what you need.” Give me consumer sovereignty or give me death! And Obamacare, he declared, is bad because it deprives Americans of that freedom by doing things like establishing minimum standards for insurance policies.

    ——

    And one more thing: Insurance policies must meet a minimum standard. Otherwise, healthy people will buy cheap policies with paper-thin coverage and huge deductibles, which is basically the same as not buying insurance at all.

    Without “minimum standards” in the insurance market, some people will buy policies I do not approve of. I wonder if he has noticed the deductibles on the Obamacare policies. With Obamacare, you get high deductibles and high premiums; what could be better than that?

    As usual, Freedom is Slavery!

    1. UnCivilServant

      And one more thing: Insurance policies must meet a minimum standard. Otherwise, healthy people will buy cheap policies with paper-thin coverage and huge deductibles, which is basically the same as not buying insurance at all. An Obamacare policy

      FTFH

      1. UnCivilServant

        Alternatively, if instead of being “thin” because it pays so little before maxing out and instead only covers traumatic injury instead of the kitchen sink, it would be a catastrophic plan – IE INSURANCE not “Pre-paid care”

    2. YAY! The first Krugabe! I must say this place is worth the price of admission!

      I wonder if he has noticed the deductibles on the Obamacare policies.

      Feature, not a bug.

      With Obamacare, you get high deductibles and high premiums; what could be better than that?

      Why, guaranteed issue, Brooksie! What better way to make sure all these burned down houses get the post-arson policies uninsured the coverage they need? Really, you heartless monster….

    3. Chipwooder

      You guys can speak for yourselves – I for one am delighted that my deductible has almost tripled over the past three years!

      1. Brett L

        At least your premiums have only doubled?

    4. Rhywun

      As long as they’re still punishing vaping exactly like smoking the whole fucking pile of crap is a sham if you ask me.

    5. TripodKat

      I volunteer to help people sign up for Obamacare each year, and the amount of young people that get screwed under this system is astonishing. Also, middle-income families bear a huge burden since they qualify for jack-shit in terms of subsidies, meaning they get hit with the full force of the increased premiums and deductibles that were caused by this shit legislation. There’s a lot of crying and anger that goes on.

      I am 100% convinced that as long as health insurance exists, we will have healthcare cost problems. We need to go to a pay-for-what-you-use model, fuck the middle man. You shouldn’t be getting insurance for something you KNOW is going to happen at some point. That’s what savings accounts are for.

      1. GSL in E

        Agreed. Something that would help this debate: stop calling something “insurance” that doesn’t function like insurance in any way. “Health insurance” is basically a scheme to subsidize consumption of health services (many of which are discretionary and/or low-cost); as with other schemes for letting me buy something with someone else’s money, true cost control is impossible.

        But those catastrophically expensive and unforeseeable health events that you’d expect something called “insurance” to help with? If you’re unlucky enough to experience one, you’ll probably be shocked at how unhelpful your “coverage” is. And not just private insurance; Medicare, eg, imposes huge cost-sharing for longer-term hospitalization.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    If you have a Google account error that says “something has changed” and asks you to log in again, there’s no cause for alarm. Google tells us they know something’s up and it’s not related to any suspicious activity.

    That’s the one.

    Thanks, Nephilium!

  41. wdalasio

    The professor who wrote the article should assign her students to write a social media strategy for the opposite side from their own. Their grade should be dependent on how well they can convince a neutral third party that it is from the side assigned.

    1. UnCivilServant

      Where would you find a neutral thrid party?

      1. The Last American Hero

        According to my derpbook feed – The NYT, ABC/NBC/CBS, WA PO, and NPR.

  42. The Late P Brooks

    There’s a whole realm of possibilities available if he isn’t looking to buy a new car specifically.

    Fifth Gear (much better than Top Gear, in my opinion) occasionally will do a feature on smoking used car buys. It’s basically what my father taught me long, long ago. “Never buy a new car. Let somebody else take the hit on depreciation.”

    1. UnCivilServant

      Depreciation is only a hit if you plan to sell the car.

      I have never sold or traded in a vehicle, and I don’t intend to start.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        I do the same thing, but buying slightly used can be a huge cost savings, depending on what you buy.

        1. UnCivilServant

          http://fav.me/daw4ei9

          178.3 miles on the Odometer.

  43. Zero Sum Game

    Article today on the site which shall not be named about belittling the holocaust by making Nazi comparisons about everything.

    Posted a link to this.

    No survivors.

    1. This Machine

      Is-

      Is that real?

      1. TripodKat

        Ditto. Is this a real thing or is this a joke/fake?

        1. Zero Sum Game

          It’s apparently real. Ed Krayewski and Lucy Steigerwald liked and commented on it respectively, and ENB didn’t respond to it denying that it happened. So, likelihood of it being fake news seems low.

          1. TripodKat

            Hm. Didn’t ENB deny some commenter a story about how their mom got beaten by police at a basketball game? Something, something not content that fits Reason…. She seems like a scummy person in general.

          2. Thymirus

            Sloopy’s mother was the victim. I believe ENB’s exact reaction to being sent a lead on the story was, “It’s not quite right for Reason.”

          3. TripodKat

            Even though they post stories about police abuse all the time? Wow, they really don’t give a shit about their audience anymore. Maybe KMW’s take over really is killing the site.

          4. GSL in E

            In fairness to ENB, that was KMW.

          5. Thymirus

            My mistake.

          6. TripodKat

            Ah, okay. For shame, KMW.

          7. Cliche Bandit

            also, KMW does dead tree the Jacket does Web…keep up folks.

          8. Zero Sum Game

            COMMENTAnd, the confirmation tweet.

            Apparently it’s the “dork-brat 16 year old” that dwells in her and not festering TDS.

          9. Thymirus

            Spuriously accusing political adversaries of Nazism is the hallmark of deranged progressives.

    2. John Titor

      This site has a bit of a Fenian thing going on where we tolerate guerrilla action directed at the Other Site and just sort of turn our heads and pretend we know nothing about it.

      1. Zero Sum Game

        Eh, I’d have posted that over there regardless of the existence of the glibs. I’m a savage, I know.

      2. And we would prefer that the other site not really be a subject here – short of anything newsworthy, please.

    3. Suthenboy

      Do I understand correctly?

      ENB got inside of the Vice President’s security perimeter and a security man stepped in to prevent, remove or cuff her and she yells at the security man, a guy whose job it is to guard the VP regardless of his political affiliation, that he is in the tank for Trump and calls him a Nazi? Do I have that right?

      Was she wearing a pussy hat?

      1. Zero Sum Game

        That is my understanding of the situation. No word on whether the police officer was dressed in Hugo Boss.

      2. Chipwooder

        She was always Weigel in drag. The entirety of her writing prior to being hired by Reason was of a leftish bent, and who could forget her assertion that the goals of social justice are noble even if its tactics aren’t?

        I give her another 6-12 months before she’s writing for Slate.

        1. Suthenboy

          “…her assertion that the goals of social justice are noble even if its tactics aren’t?”

          As I recall she tried to explain that away but I didn’t really buy it. This hysteria confirms my suspicions.

          Weigal in drag describes more of the staff over there than ENB.

          1. Suthenboy

            You know who else asserted that their goals were noble even if their tactics weren’t?

          2. R C Dean

            Me, at the last executive session of our board?

          3. Cliche Bandit

            LOL

            * nervously rips up corp docs asking RC to join… *

          4. R C Dean

            As I told our CEO shortly before a rather . . . lively conversation with some of our docs:

            “You have a building full of warm, compassionate, caring people. Thousands of them. All you need, really. That’s why you hired me.”

          5. This Machine

            As I recall she tried to explain that away but I didn’t really buy it.

            I believe her justification was something along the lines of, “I was young and I needed the money.” Wasn’t it Gilmore who elicited that response from her, or is my memory all fuckered up?

  44. The Late P Brooks

    I’ve learned to despise them after our last BMW had ridiculous maintenance problems.

    I have owned several early-70’s BMWs, and I absolutely love(d) them; but to be honest, you couldn’t give me a brand new one.

    But you couldn’t give me a brand new ANYTHING, so…

    1. Thymirus

      I’d honestly never buy a new car, unless I had the money to gut it and decomputerize everything custom at a shop.

      If you handed me 30,000USD, I’d classically upgrade my older Trans Am. Fuck the bloated bullshit of today.

    2. TripodKat

      I love all the new-age bells and whistles stuff. I don’t need a new-new car though, lightly used is fine too.

  45. Domestic Dissident

    You guys are doing awesome work here, I love the site!

    All you need now is a virtual tip jar and you’re really in business.

    1. Brett L

      Working on it. If you want to send liquor donations, I’ll email you my address.

      1. Thymirus

        Russian moonshine suffices, I trust? *Packs crate.*

        Давай, старик, за нас!

        1. Brett L

          Sure. I’ll probably redistill it, but its good to have feedstock.

    2. deepspeed

      Hey, you stole my totally-unique-never-before-seen-on-a-libertarian-website avatar!

      1. Emmerson Biggins

        Making your own isn’t hard. I promise.

        1. deepspeed

          You’ve set a high bar my friend.

  46. Glitterstorm

    Thanks for the suggestions on the car yesterday boys, it was indeed the tensioner spring.
    However, my wife backed out of the driveway this morning and somehow mangled the ENTIRE FUCKING WHEEL.
    Just fuck me up fam.

  47. The Late P Brooks

    I just don’t know if its “me”. I feel like when you buy a muscle car it kinda says “hey, I’m into cars, I know some stuff.” I really don’t, so I don’t have a full appreciation for the muscle.

    This old ad jumped into my head when I read that. I hadn’t thought of it in… forever.

    1. Herb Edelman, an American Icon. Did you know that OMWC is really Herb Edelman?

      This ad is more your style, Brooksie. (Though you don’t strike me as a Mercury kind of guy – I never cared for them).

      1. The Last American Hero

        C’mon, you sayin’ Jill Wagner couldn’t convince you to put Mercury on your list?

      2. Zero Sum Game

        Why is it that the titles of 99% of YouTube videos that should contain “you’re” manage to write “your” instead?

        I swear that there’s a conspiracy to piss me off.

        1. UnCivilServant

          You’re
          Your
          Yore
          Yor
          or, more aptly
          Yor

  48. Juvenile Bluster

    The Illinois House is trying to make Barack Obama’s birthday a state holiday, complete with a day off for state employees. The State senate is merely trying to make it a holiday without days off.

    Also saw they’re trying to name a highway after the Lightbringer.

    1. The Last American Hero

      Please please please name the highway. Then people can drive down that pot hole ridden nightmare and be reminded of this dickhead.

  49. The Late P Brooks

    (Though you don’t strike me as a Mercury kind of guy – I never cared for them).

    A Cougar- bah!

    I had a teacher (jr high?) who bought one hot off the presses. We all suspected he was a fag.

  50. The Late P Brooks

    If you handed me 30,000USD, I’d classically upgrade my older Trans Am. Fuck the bloated bullshit of today.

    Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you attempting to imply that a Trans Am *isn’t* bloated? Unless it’s a ’69, I’m going to be forced to guffaw heartily.

    True story-

    If you offered me a blank check to go buy the “perfect” “ultimate” performance car, I’d buy a Caterham. Not even the one with the blower and sequential gearbox, either. Just the naturally aspirated two liter and five speed. That is the perfectest, purest car.

    1. Thymirus

      Our tastes differ wildly, evidently. I don’t do British cars, no matter how minimalistic.

  51. Thymirus

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNzXze5Yza8

    I abhor electric vehicles, but the tone of the commercial provoked a great deal of whining, and it was delicious.

    1. TripodKat

      I love that commercial

  52. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of classic ads, have another.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    Our tastes differ wildly, evidently. I don’t do British cars, no matter how minimalistic.

    I wouldn’t want you to think of me as some sort of stringback-glove-wearing toffee-nosed git. I also owned one of these for many years.

    Loud, uncomfortable, ill-handling, overpowered and underengineered; you know- generally fun as shit. And you never walk out to the parking lot and ask yourself, “Which one is mine?”

    1. Thymirus

      Is that an AMX? Awesome. I’ve only seen one AMC in recent years, and it was a gorgeous, red Javelin. Have you ever considered dropping back into American muscle? 😛

  54. The Late P Brooks

    Have you ever considered dropping back into American muscle?

    Not really, although I sometimes toy with the idea of building something like a mid-’60s Malibu station wagon with a little (302) smallblock and a manual five speed. My current toy is a Porsche 914 Karmann Ghia Mk 4. I have come to despise that fucking type4 VW motor, so I’m hatching a scheme to put something water cooled in it (like an Audi V8). I need more money. Lots more.

    1. Bobarian LMD

      A Chevy LS would be a lot of fun in something like that.

      I once owned a Datsun 240Z with a bored out 350 in it. It was the funnest car ever, but a maintenance nightmare. I managed to replace almost every american component in it over the 6 years I owned it.

      Having a kit like this would have eliminated most of the issues I had.

  55. Hihndication

    Posted without comment

    |2.24.17 @ 11:56AM| block | mute | #

    Shouldn’t libertarians be looking for more people like Soave, so that libertarianism can grow within the left-wing of politics as well? As insufferable as his articles can be, they do appeal to people who think along similar lines to him, and expose them to libertarian principles.
    report spam

    Meh.|2.24.17 @ 12:29PM| block | mute | #

    Agreed. Shikha and Robby articles are the only ones I can get my friends to read or even consider the points made.

  56. The Late P Brooks

    Shouldn’t libertarians be looking for more people like Soave

    NEEDZ MOAR LEFT WING CONCERN TROLLS

    Good gravy.

    1. Cliche Bandit

      I went over there today for the first time in a while…i came right back.

      1. Emmerson Biggins

        I’ve been weening myself slowly. But man, I’m already way more comfortable here. Going there is like visiting a house you used to live in. At first you think it’s going to be nostalgic, but all the furniture is different and weird and you quickly realize that old home only exists in your mind, and you can’t go back to it.