The Super Awesome Adventures of Secret Nazi President!!!!11!!

Find Part One Here.

Comments

145 responses to “The Super Awesome Adventures of Secret Nazi President!!!!11!!”

  1. westernsloper

    Becky? Would.

    1. AlmightyJB

      All day

    2. John Titor

      The hate-fuck is one of the most powerful forces in the universe.

    3. Jimbo

      Becky WOOD, amirite??

      1. Playa Manhattan

        I thought you were a USC bro. Why no red and gold Hawaiian shirt?

        1. Jimbo

          No good response to that, Playa. With a son at Cal and one at Cal Poly, I am more into blue and green nowadays.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            I heard Cal is a really good school. It might just be rumor, but I’m pretty sure.

          2. Jimbo

            I am thrilled he is there! He is in Air Force ROTC with tuition paid by all of us generous taxpayers. All in all, it’s less than his catholic school expenses. Man, I love that! Your kids are young, but are you already hoping for UCLA?

          3. Jimbo

            Not to be a broken record, but shit! The worls is topsy-turvy: he got into UCLA and Cal, but not USC…wtf?

          4. Playa Manhattan

            Very complicated answer. I have 8 years to figure it out, but I have very little confidence in the direction the UC system is headed right now.

            Everyone in my family went to UCLA in one form or another but me, including my grandparents.

            Cal was $4100 a year when I went. I expect it to be 8-10x that when it’s time. For that amount of money, there are other options. Hopefully.

            Catholic school? Loyola?

          5. Jimbo

            By Catholic school, I mean High School.

          6. Playa Manhattan

            Around here, Loyola is THE Catholic high school.

            For some reason, I thought you were local to me.

          7. Jimbo

            San Rafael, ca

          8. Playa Manhattan

            You can admit you’re in San Quentin. I won’t judge.

  2. DOOMco

    I like his eyes.

    1. westernsloper

      Cortez Cortez?

      1. DOOMco

        His glasses are cool, i was thinking about those swastikas

      2. westernsloper

        Which is an excellent name btw. Reminiscent of Don Dedon Don, from a movie I can’t remember the name of.

        1. Rhywun

          I thought it was a reference to this.

          1. westernsloper

            No it was either a cheech and chong movie, or monty python. I vaguely remember they rode around on imaginary horses, and the “trusty side kick” who clacked two shells together to make the horse hoof sounds was named Don De Don Don. (I don’t know how to do the thing over the O to make it long) I am probably misspelling it, and or confusing two movies.

            Forgive me, I smoked a bunch of pot in those days.

          2. westernsloper

            That reply was supposed to be further down. Maybe it is a reference to that song Rywun. BP must inform us.

          3. BakedPenguin

            I haven’t heard that song in a while. I saw the name on a list of “hot” “unusual” boy names, thought of the conquistador, and imagined a proggy couple naming their kid that.

            It sounds like you’re thinking of The Holy Grail, but I didn’t see the name you mentioned.

          4. westernsloper

            Ya, the “Holy Grail” had the imaginary horses and the clop clop guy.

            I don’t know where I remember the other dude from.

        2. You must be misspelling it, because IMDb lists no character by that name.

          1. Unless you’re referring to the notes of the Dragnet theme, which were lifted from the Burt Lancaster film The Killers.

          2. The Fusionist

            I think he’s referring to some of the music in Dragnet.

    2. Pomp

      I, on the other hand, have been triggered by them.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Sexually?

        1. Pomp

          No, no no no, eyes don’t tap the prostate yet.

  3. Suthenboy

    “Did he also visit slavery? You talked about where he visited, the exhibits he visited. Did he also visit slavery? And the reason I am asking this when he was candidate Trump he said things, like, you know, ‘We made this country’, meaning White America, not necessarily Black.”

    Why does anyone bother making cartoon parodies of these people?

    1. Suthenboy

      Comedians should be outraged by the proggies. Don’t comedians belong to some kind of union? Who is fighting for their jobs?

    2. Somalian Road Corporation

      At least a few are finally realizing that there can be no victory or appeasement with these folks: grievance is an end in and of itself and there’s always something more to complain about, because they get off on being self-righteously offended.

      Unfortunately, that revelation needs to be far more widespread than it is at the moment.

  4. John Titor

    I’ve got the opening for the inevitable Secret Nazi President-Senpai anime ready.

    1. LT_Fish

      I’ll see you and raise you <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COp-TS3puHE&quot;?God Emperor Trump the anime.

        1. juris imprudent

          God Emperor and not even a handwave in the direction of Dune? I am disappoint.

          1. John Titor

            Most of the kids nowadays are referencing this God-Emperor instead.

        2. Pomp

          Don’t blame YouTube, brah

  5. Gilmore

    I like how everyone just takes the fact that Steve Bannon is some mix of Dick Cheney and Hitler and Goering for granted….

    …. when – can anyone actually name a single thing the guy has actually done?

    I know he’s made quotes that – in context or out of context – basically say MURICA ISA WHITE COUNTRY, and variations to that effect.

    but that seems to be the sum total of it. You’d think there was actually some, you know, *reason* he is considered important enough to serve as Chief Strategist or whatever his job is.
    This NYT piece provides some bio-gloss;

    Mr. Bannon, 63, has won a reputation for abrasive brilliance at almost every stop in his unorthodox career — as a naval officer, Goldman Sachs mergers specialist, entertainment-industry financier, documentary screenwriter and director, Breitbart News cyber-agitprop impresario and chief executive of Mr. Trump’s presidential campaign. One Harvard Business School classmate described him to The Boston Globe as “top three in intellectual horsepower in our class — perhaps the smartest.” Benjamin Harnwell of the Institute for Human Dignity, a Catholic organization in Rome, calls him a “walking bibliography.” Perhaps because Mr. Bannon came late to conservatism, turning his full-time energy to political matters only after the Sept. 11 attacks, he radiates an excitement about it that most of his conservative contemporaries long ago lost.

    All of which is news to me. …my point being that the way he’s covered seems to act as tho the only important detail about the guy is that he Hates Negroes and Brown People in general, and that is his core competency.

    Even the Times seems to think the “cup runneth over”

    While he is certainly a hard-line conservative of some kind, the evidence that he is an extremist of a more troubling sort has generally been either massaged, misread or hyped up.

    The demonization in the media has gotten to the point where you don’t even pay attention to it anymore. Which is a bad thing, because sooner or later (as Eric Raymond said a while back) someone who is *ACTUALLY* really bad is going to come along, and no one will believe the media.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      But, but, he’s actually the President, and Trump is just a shill for him! Or, something.

      One of the things I hate most about modern progressivism is that they’re making me defend Trump.

      1. Chafed

        Exactly. I don’t like Trump but the damn proghies constantly overplay their hand so I wind up defending him.

    2. DOOMco

      We all say 1984 isnt a how to manual, but maybe we should replace it with the boy who cried wolf.

    3. Not an Economist

      YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!! HE IS MAKES HITLER LOOK LIKE A CHOIR BOY!!!!!!! THERE ARE EXAMPLES ALL OVER THE WEB!!!! IF YOU CAN’T FIND THEM THAT MEANS YOU AGREE WITH HIM!!!!

      /derp

    4. westernsloper

      can anyone actually name a single thing the guy has actually done?

      He got very wealthy. Good for him. Mostly from being an investor in Seinfeld from what I have heard. (I didn’t read your link)

      The racist/hitler claims on him are idiocy, but make for good humor. He is, I think, a true believer in protectionism and high tariffs from things I have heard him say. When I quit NPR, I started listening to SiriusXm in the morning. Bannon used to host a morning show there. I had never heard of Breitbart or Bannon. He often promoted racially diverse speakers and writers. It is his economic views that are scary.

      1. Francisco d’Anconia

        He is, I think, a true believer in protectionism and high tariffs from things I have heard him say

        So an ignorant Hitler?

        1. Playa Manhattan

          No, an intolerant Hitler. A mean Hitler, if you will.

      2. Pomp

        When I quit NPR

        Ssssssloperrr, come back to the darrrk ssssside

    5. John Titor

      I wasn’t very impressed with his…odd historical justifications for some of his trade and economics positions, so I’m questioning his ‘towering intellect’, but the idea that he’s some secret fascist because he referenced knowledge of Evola in a completely neutral way.

      1. John Titor

        *is ridiculous, gimme that freaking edit button already.

      2. I agree with you and westernloper, I listened to him for a while and never heard him say a racist,sexist,Nazi thing. His bizarre economics and his admiration for that Filipino strongman who likes to kill drug dealers gave me pause, and he went on about a war with China so often one might wonder whether he isn’t hoping for one.

      3. Viking1865

        odd historical justifications for some of his trade and economics positions

        Meh, I can’t speak for Bannon, but I could argue that the replacing the current taxation regimen in this country with the tax policy of the Coolidge Administration would be a net gain for liberty, even if it doesn’t meet the purity test.

        My great fear with the Trump Tarriff (It’s Yuge, The Best Tariff,) is that it’s going to be in addition to all the current taxes, and not in replacement of any of them.

        1. John Titor

          I’m talking more about stuff like Bannon lecturing on how ‘modern capitalism’ is corrupt and immoral while ‘old Christian capitalism’ was wonderful and moral. When in reality what he means is “I don’t like free trade”.

          1. Viking1865

            I’ve not really bothered to explore his opinions on the subject, but I will say there sure as hell aren’t many Carnegies, Rockefellers, or Mellons operating in corporate boardrooms today, in my opinion. But I attribute that to the corrupting influence of government more than the failings of capitalism. There’s nothing wrong with the productivity of the American worker, it’s entirely government regulation and red tape.

      4. grrizzly

        The Evola outrage was among the most intellectually dishonest things coming from the TDS establishment. There are many things coming from them lately that are crazy but the Evola “controversy” deserves to be recognized as among the worst. Bannon displayed some insight into the worldview of Putin and Putin’s inner circle. He should be praised for it: we finally have somebody at the top of the government who might have a clue what motivates Putin, whom btw Bannon considers an adversary of the US. Perhaps Bannon is wrong about Putin, but at least his ideas about Putin are not the childish nonsense (“reset button”) pushed by Obama, Clinton and their people. And yet every major newspaper reprinted the moronic claim that we all should be horrified that Bannon even knows who Evola is.

        1. Viking1865

          we finally have somebody at the top of the government who might have a clue what motivates Putin

          I mean, I don’t understand how it’s some kind of mystery. Russia wants what Russia has wanted for centuries: security, and access to a warm water port. It’s Current Year, but you still need to ship stuff by water, and Russia still has enormous borders that are hard to defend.

          The idiocy of supposed experts wondering why Putin was adversarial as the US goes around smashing up their glacis of client states holding down their southern flank, while puncturing their sphere of influence in Eastern Europe shows you just how dumb these supposed experts are.

          1. To be fair, some of them didn’t want to be client states.

          2. Viking1865

            Eh the Big Idea of American foreign policy in the 90s and 00s was that every nation was a Jeffersonian Democracy in Waiting, only with different charming ethnic costumes and foodstuffs. The Russians disagreed, and while it’s obviously a very very complex matter, I think the Russians were more right about that then they were wrong.

          3. wdalasio

            True.

            And the only remaining question is whether we’re willing to risk war with Russia to make these countries not Russian client states. Anything else is superfluous in the discussion.

      5. Zero Sum Game

        If you read Das Kapital, you’re a person seeking enlightenment even if you don’t agree with Marx.
        If you read Mein Kampf, you’re a budding fascist regardless of whether you agree with Hitler.

        Suppose I interviewed you and you confirmed that you have read Mein Kampf fifteen years ago because it was assigned reading for a college class. I can then report,

        The fact that John Titor has read Mein Kampf doesn’t make him a fascist. However, Titor’s views on xyz happen to align with Hitler’s as you can see from these two passages from writings of both men. This gives us pause.

        It’s an incredibly shitty trick of sophistry. You can smear someone while denying that you are. There’s no room to sue for defamation, and readers who are already inclined to think ill of someone now have one more piece of “evidence” which has been absorbed without doing any due diligence to confirm that it should have been.

        I’m not saying you’re a Nazi. I’m just saying that you drink water. The Nazis also drank water. That might be a coincidence, or it might not, but it gives us pause.

        1. Akira

          I’m actually reading Mein Kampf right now; I’m on page 171 of 678. It’s actually rather difficult to read due to the disorganized flow of ideas and boring autobiographical elements. But I’m still determined to finish it so that I’ll have a better knowledge of Hitler’s beliefs than 99 percent of people who toss his name around as a casual insult for their political opponents.

          1. Viking1865

            I usually just go with the NSDAP platform. If you delete the Jew hatred, it’s a Bernie bros paradise.

    6. Rhywun

      the way he’s covered seems to act as tho the only important detail about the guy is that he Hates Negroes and Brown People

      You mean it isn’t?

    7. JaimeRoberto

      He did say that Breitbart was a platform for the alt-Right, but that was back before anybody had a definition of alt-Right, and I wonder what his definition was at the time.

    8. wdalasio

      I know he’s made quotes that – in context or out of context – basically say MURICA ISA WHITE COUNTRY, and variations to that effect.

      I don’t even think he’s ever done that. It’s largely that some of the commenters at Breitbart have made commentary to that effect.

  6. AlmightyJB

    Gender? I thought there was no such thing? Also, do I have to give all my races?

    http://nbc4i.com/2017/02/26/ohio-police-departments-must-collect-data-on-suspect-race-under-plan/

    1. Rhywun

      I bet this is probably a prelude to quotas.

    2. Hyperion

      What are you even talking about? I have job security just updating the gender checkboxes on clients forms.

    1. Gilmore

      Game over, man

    2. Playa Manhattan

      You’re in charge of links tonight.

      1. DOOMco

        Is that how we assign them?

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          Well, Paxton was supposed to, but now that he’s dead…

      1. Old Man With Candy

        SPOILER!

      2. Playa Manhattan

        GOD DAMMIT.

        That was actually a Dinner Sausage Link.

      3. Rhywun

        I can’t believe he was still alive. 97, wow.

        I wonder how Rusty’s doing.

        1. Rusty’s been dead for years. Almost 15.

          1. Rhywun

            Jesus… it’s like my childhood is disappearing. Next thing you’ll tell me is Gene Rayburn is dead.

    3. Gilmore

      While he played a lot of supporting roles in sometimes-silly-movies, everyone who worked with him said he was probably a better actor than 95% of the stars in hollywood. He was one of the few who really did have talent. He raised the quality level of a lot of B movies to A-material

      e.g. as an example, look up the vampire movie, “Near Dark”

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        I liked him in ‘True Lies’. But I suspect that’s accurate. He was among the more abled and popular ‘I know the face but not the name’ actors.

        RIP.

        1. Of course, there were a lot of those in old Hollywood. Just this morning I watched “Irish Mafia” member Frank McHugh play a journalist in Dodge City, of all things.

          1. And Dodge City is a very anti-libertarian movie. Errol Flynn violates the 2A more or less by fiat, and then imposes laws banning gambling and one instituting new taxes. And all of this shit is portrayed as a good thing.

          2. Pomp

            Not a Bill Paxton vehicle, but Tom Petty from The Postman: “Welcome to Cloud City, where we don’t allow guns.”

            ……iiiiin a post-apocalyptic world controlled by warlords, and armed guards all over the place.

          3. Are you talking about Kevin Costner’s version of Il Postino?

          4. Pomp

            The very same one, el Tedderino. Put ‘er there.

      2. Playa Manhattan

        He also seemed to have been a nice guy, unlike 95% of the stars in hollywood.

  7. Not an Economist

    Question: I’ve been watching the Daytona 500. Does the 500 stand for the number of wrecks?

  8. The Fusionist

    Civil War vet given proper marker

    “It has been many springs since anybody saw the daffodils emerge at Young’s Memorial Church Cemetery.

    “Most of the burying ground in New Market was overrun with weeds and brush — until a group of volunteers began to recover the past last year.

    “Now about 20 of the rediscovered graves in the African American cemetery are decorated with yellow flowers planted there by loved ones years ago.

    “And one grave, that of a black man who fought for his country in the Civil War, now has the marble marker it has lacked since 1929.”

    Oops, sorry about that, old habits die hard.

    1. Pope Francis ordered you to post this, didn’t he? :-p

  9. Rufus the Monocled

    It’s utterly gratifying to be on the side of the Nazis. Finally I can see my side see some of its policies through. I mean, it’s been, what, 75 years since the Nazis last held power? This time the RIGHT people are in and we’re gonna show the world what Nazifascism is all about.

  10. Rufus the Monocled

    So. Over/under some faux-righteous, gasbag, dipshit actor/ress goes off on some political screed and tirade tonight?

    1. Is it Wednesday already?

    2. Rhywun

      You couldn’t pay me to watch that garbage. And that was before Trump.

      1. I’m a movie blogger, and I don’t even watch the Oscars.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Never watched an episode. Ever. Then again, you’re talking to a guy who never ate poutine AND a Big Mac (that cream…gross).

          1. Pomp

            Now’s the time to combine them. Poutine on a Bignore Mac.

          2. Pomp

            Yes thank you autocorrect, Bignore it is.

      2. wdalasio

        Rich people hold a gala to tell one another how amazingly talented they are? I think I have more interest in watching flies fuck.

  11. straffinrun

    First they made him Hitler. Recently, he’s a Stalinist. I’m thinking a “Stalinist Hitler” is next. I’m confused on what the mustache is going to look like.

    1. John Titor

      You don’t get it straff, we need to keep our UNICEF pennies away from the Commie-Nazis!

      1. straffinrun

        Commie-Nazis. That’s supposedly the entire spectrum, right there. Reminds me of the line, “We’ve got both kinds. Country and Western”.

    2. westernsloper

      I’m confused on what the mustache is going to look like.

      Like this?

      It has to be the greatest mustache. A mustache like no others.

  12. Suthenboy

    Anyone know what kind of surgery killed Bill? (Paxton)

    1. hayeksplosives

      I read one report that said heart surgery, but they didn’t specify any further.

      1. AlmightyJB

        That is cool

    2. Playa Manhattan

      Circumcision.

  13. The Fusionist

    No Religious Discrimination In Suspension of Minister’s Gym Membership

    “In Armstrong v. James Madison University, 2017 U.S. Dist. LEXIS 25014 (WD VA, Feb. 23, 2017), a Virginia federal magistrate judge recommended dismissing claims of religious discrimination and infringement of free exercise rights brought by Matthew Armstrong, a 65-year old Christian minister, after his alumnus membership in James Madison University Recreation gym was suspended. The suspension followed a complaint filed by a female student employee of the gym who claimed that comments made to her by Armstrong amounted to sexual harassment. Armstrong had told the student about his religious beliefs that allowed him to have a young wife, and asked her if she would be interested in getting to know him better with the eventual possibility of marriage.”

    1. Suthenboy

      Hey Eddie, you know that game called ‘Hot Potato’? You should play that now. The Brown guy was good. This one…not so much.

    1. hayeksplosives

      Nobody does hyperbole better, of that we can be sure.

    2. Nobody does it better
      Makes me feel sad for the rest
      Nobody does it half as good as me
      Baby I’m the best….

      1. straffinrun

        You’re so vein.

        1. Wait until she finds out Jesse isn’t interested in her.

    3. Suthenboy

      Priceless. Saved to desktop for future use.

  14. The Fusionist

    AR Supreme Court Abolishes Fayetteville’s LGBT Protections

    “LITTLE ROCK, Ark. – Fayetteville’s Ordinance 5781, which bans discrimination based on a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity, was struck down by the Arkansas Supreme Court Thursday…

    “The ruling says Ordinance 5781 is a municipal decision to expand the coverage of the Arkansas Civil Rights Act to include LGBT people. Adding in a new classification of people covered under the Arkansas Civil Rights Act is a violation of state law, as LGBT people are a classification not previously included under state law.

    “It’s a sweeping decision that likely rolls back similar anti-discrimination efforts adopted around Arkansas.”

    (includes autoplay video)

    1. ArchieBunker

      As much as folks like pointing out racists and nazis you’d think they might be against anti-discriminatiin laws just so they would have a better idea of who to point at and scream “RACIST”.

    2. Suthenboy

      Granting someone special privileges is not the same as protecting them.

  15. The Fusionist

    A prog was pressuring me to see this takedown of David Brooks in The Nation.

    1. bacon-magic

      Progs will pressure you into all kinds of things…just say no.

    2. Rhywun

      I made a few sentences in before remembering how insufferable The Nation is and bailing.

    3. Gilmore

      Andrew Bacevitch is a retired Army Colonel who served in Vietnam and is a historian @ Boston U. He describes himself as “catholic conservative”, but i think The Nation gives him some love because he’s written critically about US policy in the Middle East.

      He recently wrote a book about the middle east and did a podcast about it @ Reuters “War College” which is worth a listen.

      In short = the piece on Brooks is probably worth reading. (i haven’t read it)

    4. Suthenboy

      The Nation. David Brooks.

      Put ’em both in a sack and toss it into the river.

  16. AlmightyJB
    1. bacon-magic

      But is it deep dish?

      1. DOOMco

        Why??

      2. AlmightyJB

        This was the biggest crime in that recipe. Even more so than the spam.

        “can refrigerated all-ready pizza crust”

    2. Somalian Road Corporation

      What I’d really like to try myself is Finnish reindeer pizza.

      1. Pomp

        Oh, would you be offended if someone ever commercialized t-shirts based on your namesake?

        1. Somalian Road Corporation

          You know, I did a Google search when this moniker first came to mind to see if I was the first to come up with the chocolate-and-peanut-butter combination of Somalia, roadzzz, and korporayshuns, and as far as I could tell I was. Now I see other folks using it or making otherwise very similar references, and while I’d love to get royalties, because I could really use the ducats right now, other folks using it for ideological promotion certainly isn’t the end of the world.

          I’ve flirted with the idea of commercializing it in other ways, but unfortunately that keeps getting sidetracked.

          1. Pomp

            The idea would to make it look like a basic bitch paving company t-shirt, a double-take shirt. Apparel is a nasty biz, so it would be mostly for lulz anyhow.

    3. Hyperion

      When was that ever in doubt?

  17. Hyperion

    I can read the speech bubbles this time, at only 150% zoom. Well done.

  18. The Fusionist

    test

    1. Playa Manhattan

      fail

  19. Hyperion

    Is it my imagination, or does Bannon look like an alcoholic bum? Maybe it’s just me, I dunno.