Belly Up to the Bar

Cocktail of the Week: Dark and Stormy

By RC Dean

The Dark and Stormy, the classic cocktail from Bermuda. This is an easy one, but as ever when cocktailing, there is the opportunity to make it a little more elaborate. I actually have two versions of this, depending on what I have for ginger beer and/or what I’m in the mood for. I think dark rum is absolutely essential for this – I prefer Pusser’s, which gives a really nice deep molasses flavor; Mrs. Dean prefers Pyrat XO, which is a tad lighter. It’s the combo of molasses and a serious ginger flavor that makes this one work.

3 oz dark rum (I use either Pyrat XO or Pusser’s)
6 oz ginger beer (see below)
Healthy splash of lime juice, w/optional lime garnish

Dark and Stormy (bottled ginger beer):

Pour ingredients over ice in a highball glass, give it quick stir, garnish. Pretty easy. The key is the right bottled ginger beer. Grocery store ginger ale (Schweppes or whatever), and even the Bermudan ginger beers are just too sweet and not gingery enough for me. I haven’t found anything in a bottle I like better than Maine Root’s Ginger Brew – it delivers the ginger. I get it at Whole Foods. If not available, I would probably fall back to Gosling’s.

Dark and Stormy (ginger beer syrup):

This is the one for impressing the ladies with your mixological mastery. I like the Pickett’s #1 Medium Spice Ginger Beer syrup – they make stronger #3 Hot ‘N Spicy also, but it’s a little overwhelming for me. BTW, these syrups can go into some very interesting meat glazes as well, if you like getting your meat all sticky and gingery.

Additional gear for this one includes a 16 oz. cocktail measuring glass (with all the measurements marked on the side), and a soda siphon to make the drink fizzy. The classic soda siphon is the 1 liter with the metal mesh wrap on it that takes standard CO2 cartridges, but there are cheaper alternatives. I’ve taken to throwing a little salt and baking soda into mine when I fill it – its almost a club soda, but I think it helps draw out the flavors. As with much else, gearing up for the Dark and Stormy means you are now equipped for a whole range of other drinks or upgrades to standard drinks (once you have had “real” tonic water made from a good syrup, you’ll never go back).

Pour the rum, an ounce or maybe a little less of the ginger beer syrup, and the lime juice into the measuring glass, add around 6 oz. of fizzy water from the soda siphon, and pour over ice in a highball glass. Garnish if you feel like it.

On a hot day, these go down fast and maybe a little too easy.

Bonus Cocktail – Mexican Moose. If you’re a tequila fan, you can substitute tequila for rum to make a Mexican Moose (our name for it at the Casa Dean; it’s basically a variation on the Mexican Mule). We use silver tequila, but I’m thinking an anejo would be good, too.

 

Derpetologist’s Spot the Not:

Round One: Donald Trump

1. Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.

2. I was never in this for the money. But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me.

3. The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.

4. When we go in church and I drink the little wine, which is about the only wine I drink, and I eat the little cracker.

5. Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure. It’s not your fault.

6. My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body.

 

Round Two: Mistakes were made…

All but 1 of the following are real quotes from American politicians.

1. Mistakes were made. Then, other larger mistakes were made.

2. Mistakes have been made, as all can see and I admit.

3. Serious mistakes were made.

4. It is quite possible that mistakes were made.

5. Mistakes were made in terms of comments.

6. Serious mistakes were made.

Comments

140 responses to “Belly Up to the Bar”

  1. Juvenile Bluster

    Using a “British Navy” rum on St. Patrick’s Day? I, my good man, am shocked and appalled.

    1. Brett L

      Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash was a Pogues album. QED

    2. Diane Reynolds

      I’m wearing orange.

    3. The British navy? I’m not impressed.

  2. Juvenile Bluster

    Round 1: I’m guessing 1 is the not, because Trump doesn’t talk about Trump in the third person

    Round 2: Trick question, because no politician has ever admitted to making mistakes.

    1. AlmightyJB

      That’s why 2 is definately the not on round 2

      1. AlmightyJB

        I’ll go with 6 on round. Could e 1 but seems too obvious.

  3. Trigger Hippie

    That drink looks like far too much effort to make.

    I’ll just sit here with my Grey Goose and Modelo Negra and patiently wait for a dark haired Irish lass to come swoop me up,… which she was supposed to do 45 minutes ago. Fuckin’ Irish…

    1. westernsloper

      That drink looks like far too much effort to make.

      No kidding. I have had jobs that were less work.

      1. westernsloper

        Oh, that is two drinks RC has there. Never mind. looks easy enough.

    2. AlmightyJB

      Rum, ginger beer, and lime juice is too much effort? While I admire your laziness, you could have one of your orphans or slave girls make it.

  4. Juvenile Bluster

    I’m not drinking tonight. Which is weird, because it’s been a really, really shitty week at work.

    I really need to find a new job. In a new place, preferrably. And not in biglaw anymore. I turn 40 soon; if I don’t change something I won’t be around for my 50th.

    Blah.

    1. trshmnstr

      I can’t imagine spending a year in biglaw, let alone a decade. It’s a sweatshop.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        It’s like High School, except more money and the people are bigger assholes. It’s one giant goddamn clique and if the “right people” don’t like you you’re dead in the water.

        I’m also not enough of a rainmaker to ever have enough of a book of business to make partner. Which means I need to go in house somewhere to survive.

        1. trshmnstr

          I’m also not enough of a rainmaker to ever have enough of a book of business to make partner.

          Yeah, that was the part that scared the shit out of me when my only prospects were biglaw and not-as-big law. I have no interest in schmoozing clients trying to get them to give me business. I’m not a salesman. God forbid you’re a decent attorney who isn’t much of a salesman.

          1. Juvenile Bluster

            That’s just it. I’m a good attorney (or at least all my yearly evaluations say so), but I can’t build business. I’ve tried and I can’t.

          2. Suthenboy

            The happiest lawyers I know do something else to pay the bills and do law on the side 3/4 time or less.

            *Welder – trailer dealership and homemade top notch welded fire pits and bbq pits
            *Hunting fishing guide
            *Seafood restaurant
            *Gunshop
            *fishtrap manufacturer

            Most of these guys just chase ambulances or do divorces on the side. One swore off divorces. I asked him why – “I got tired of fixing the windows and picking bricks up off of my living room floor.”

            What do you love to do? Find a way to make some money at that and hang your lawyer’s shingle out. You only live once dude. At your age it is time to find what makes you happy.

    2. AlmightyJB

      I’m not drinking tonight either. Was planning on it but just want feeling it. Wife and I tied one on Wednesday night and I’m going out tomorrow night so I feel like I’m not slacking too much. Rough week for me too. I think about retirement way too much considering I’m probably 6 to 9 years out.

    3. straffinrun

      Hear that and have been there. About 10 years ago when I was 37, I had the same feeling. Tossed the old job in the toilet and had a year or so of making a little less money, but now I’ve been able to double my old salary, work less, and enjoy what I’m doing. Good luck. Take the plunge because we’re all dead in the end and you may as well take a shot. Vague advice.

    4. Playa Manhattan

      I’m definitely drinking tonight. It’s mother-son night at school, so it’s just me and my little fuckface (he’s 2).

      We’re having pizza, and fort building starts at 7.

      My wife switched firms about 2 years ago. And she’s… happy. Just made partner. Shorter hours and triple the pay. Fuck big law.

      1. Pomp

        You might find this entertaining even if it’s not news to you, although even the blogger seems to view big law == success for the most part, or at least he did a year or two ago, the last I checked. I enjoy the scatology and how the blogger calls out law school pimps from time to time.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          I find it all entertaining. There are even first tier idiots. A lot.

          As far as the schools…. It’s probably fraud in a lot of cases. We get the alumni shit in the mail asking to donate. FUCK NO. I don’t care how it affects the rankings. If the ranking of your law school still matters 10 years out, something has gone horribly wrong.

    5. westernsloper

      I turn 40 soon

      Oh to be 40 again. I was fit and had a job I loved. I made good money. (by my standards) It took ten years for that to fall apart. Not by my doing. World markets do what they do. Since you didn’t ask, I will give the only advice I know. Don’t do work you do not enjoy. As straffin said above. We are all dead in the end. I envy and appreciate you guys who studied law. I was too busy doing idiocy to apply myself to such things. Life is regrets punctuated by bits of wish I had dones.

      1. AlmightyJB

        Little over 20 years ago. Two small children at home. Wife didn’t work. Was laid-off from a job I hated. Best thing that ever happened to me. I actually used to leave there and would feel physically better the further away I got from the building.

        1. Rhywun

          Oh god, I’ve been there. Luckily the guy who was terrorizing my team found a “better” job in another state. Because I actually like my job and my place of work.

    6. R C Dean

      Fired three times by biglaw. Not for me.

      Depending on specialty and willingness to move and a possible pay cut, there’s always in-house.

      Sadly, setting up your own shop ( law or otherwise) takes capital.

      Would be happy to discuss/commiserate offline.

      1. Suthenboy

        “Fired three times…”

        *laughs*

        Why does this not surprise me? It is one of the reasons I like you Dean. You are a real, honest to God no bullshit guy. Sadly the world can be hard on people like that.

        One of my requests: If you dont cremate me make sure the mortician poses me with my fists doubled up.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          Uh…. There’s another pose that morticians like to do, but you probably won’t like it.

          1. Suthenboy

            Do tell.

    7. Pomp

      God damn. One of my lawyers sometimes has the shittiest, grueling, dragging schedules I’ve ever heard of. He also runs his own practice. Awesome lawyer though, just spends about 40% of his time consulting under another firm and is constantly on concalls.

    8. Broswater

      IANAL, but I can relate. I was on a good career track in finance : had good grades, good employers, worked on big accounts.

      But I was bored. So bored with it. The Métro, Boulot, Dodo, routine killed me (Subway, Work, Sleep). And then I got sick of it. Mentally and physically. So I had to let it go. Sure it’s a big step at first (and there is no money in it at all). But I’ve learned new trades, got a lot of interesting and rewarding opportunities. I’m still not making as much as I did when I started in finance but I wouldn’t be surprised if in the long run I end up making more.

      I think some of us still see the job market as our parents did. You studied in something, and then worked your whole life in that. Sounds like a good plan if you want to die before you get to 50. I don’t think that’s how life works. I might only be working at a job that only requires a GED, but I’m starting to realize that all the stuff I’ve learned is not lost. Even if I haven’t worked in finance for about 5 years, I’m still a finance guy. I get ”things” that most of my colleagues don’t, and I guess it makes me more efficient. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

      Anyways, before I get too drunk to type, I can only only suggest you watch some Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. If I recalled correctly, he once said most of the business owners he met came from fields that had nothing to do with their current business, and most of them are happier and make way more money than they used to.

  5. quincy

    4

    6

  6. westernsloper

    2 and 2

    1. Trigger Hippie

      46 and 2 are just ahead of me. Ha!

      Aaaannddd, I’m out like bell-bottoms.

      Later, gents!

      1. westernsloper

        Ok, I think TH is an Agile Cyborg sock. What is 46 and 2 are just ahead of me. Ha!

        Plus the bell bottoms reference.

        1. Pomp

          If I were a betting man, I’d bet on the negative on that one good buddy. TH is usually way too coherent.

          1. quincy

            How to find out:
            One question: Do you own 44 tape measures?

        2. BakedPenguin

          He was set up by the previous comments, and talking about this.

          1. Brett L

            Welp, I’m down the rabbit hole. See you all tomorrow. I’m about 3 hours behind in my Tool listening for the year.

          2. westernsloper

            Ok, learning again on the Glibs. That is great stuff.

        3. Trigger Hippie

          You flatter me, sir. AC’s most half-hearted prose puts my best thought out expressions to shame.

          Has anybody contacted AC or invited him to the site?

          I still visit and occasionally comment at the other place and have seen that AC has begun to comment during daylight lucidity, and it makes me yearn for an article written by him.

          The format is perfect. The audience, eager and ravenous for any glimpse into what truly moves AC.

          This has to happen. It needs to happen. It was destined to happen.

  7. Juvenile Bluster

    Your Friday Night Nut-Punch

    Andrew Scott and his girlfriend were playing video games in their Florida apartment late at night when they heard a loud banging at the front door. Scott, who was understandably disturbed, retrieved the handgun that he lawfully owned, then opened the door with the gun pointed safely down. Outside, he saw a shadowy figure holding a pistol. He began to retreat inside and close the door when the figure fired six shots without warning, three of which hit Scott, killing him. Scott hadn’t fired a single bullet or even lifted his firearm.

    The figure outside was Deputy Richard Sylvester. He failed to identify himself as a law enforcement officer at any point. He had no warrant and no reason to suspect that Scott or his girlfriend had committed a crime. He did not attempt to engage with Scott at all after he opened the door; he simply shot him dead. And on Thursday, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit held that Scott’s parents and girlfriend cannot sue Sylvester because the officer’s conduct was not “clearly” illegal.

    The court’s reasoning? Qualified immunity, a constitutionally dubious doctrine that bars individuals from suing the government for violating their rights unless those rights were “clearly established.” And what, exactly, constitutes a “clearly established” right? It’s almost always possible to argue the point either way. Consider the events that led up to Scott’s killing. Sylvester had been pursuing a speeding motorcyclist who, he suspected, might be the same motorcyclist who’d recently committed armed assault and battery. (He had no legitimate reason to suspect this particular motorcyclist was the suspect in question.) Sylvester found a motorcycle at Scott’s apartment complex and decided it was the one he was looking for, even though a license plate search revealed no incriminating information. He and three other officers drew their guns and pounded on Scott’s door. When Scott opened it, Sylvester shot and killed him.

    A district court granted Sylvester qualified immunity, holding that no “clearly established law” prohibited his actions. A panel of judges for the 11th Circuit affirmed. And on Thursday, the 11th Circuit, sitting en banc, declined to revisit the panel’s decision. In support of this refusal to rehear the case, Judge Frank M. Hull wrote that Sylvester’s behavior was a variation on “the knock and talk rule.” This rule allows officers to enter private property and knock on an individual’s door for “legitimate police purposes.” Hull reasoned that Sylvester had merely engaged in a form of “knock and talk” and that Scott could have simply declined to open his door. Shooting Scott once he did open the door, Hull wrote, did not violate any “clearly established … constitutional rights.”

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Wait, now that I think of it, this is the case with the infamous Reason thread with Dunphy, isn’t it.

      1. trshmnstr

        I’m on the beach with Morgan Freeman!!! Smooches HTH

        1. Gustave Lytton

          +1 totality of circus

        2. Diane Reynolds

          What’s Morgan Fairchild? Chopped liver?

          1. Juvenile Bluster

            No, trashmnstr was just saying that he’s actually Andy Dufrense

        3. I didn’t know Dunphy was Milo Yiannopoulos.

      2. DEG

        Yes, yes it is. Fuck him.

      3. Rhywun

        Which infamous Reason thread with Dunphy?

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          The one where he was saying the guy deserved to be shot for answering the door with a gun in his hand and that he should’ve known it was the cops or something like that.

          1. Rhywun

            Ah. There have been a few.

    2. Gustave Lytton

      variation on “the knock and talk rule.”

      Ah yes, the old “knock and shoot” variation. Gezzus christ, it’s shit like this that really will create a war on cops.

    3. Brett L

      So I was at my dad’s place earlier and he flips back and forth between Cops, American Pickers, and some Gopd Diffing show. All those stupid motherfuckers on Cops talk too much. Just shut the fuck up. “Your girlfriend says you hit her.””She slapped me first like five times and that pissed me off!”
      No, dumbass. You are already in cuffs, in the car. You say “I want a lawyer.”

    4. Diane Reynolds

      A district court granted Sylvester qualified immunity, holding that no “clearly established law” prohibited his actions

      Well that’s not true. Hopefully there’ll be an appeal.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Nah, they’re right. It’s not clearly established that laws against murder actually apply to police officers.

    5. AlmightyJB

      First Mother Jones, now Slate? What’s going on?

  8. Vhyrus

    Am I drunk, or are 3 and 6 on round 2 identical?

    1. westernsloper

      You’re drunk. different numbers duhh

  9. AlmightyJB

    I just discovered ginger beer within the last year or so. Went across town in search of decent fried chicken and they had it there. It’s a nice holiday beverage. We get Crabbys around here. Never tried it in a cocktail but I love rum so I’ll try that sometime.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Basically all mules/bucks are fun drinks. Most of them are just a base liquor with fresh lime and ginger beer. A few of them (notably the Irish mule) take a dash of bitters as well.

      1. AlmightyJB

        I’m not sure that I’ve ever had bitters in a drink and I’ve actually had some lying around here for years. Might have tried it when I bought it. I rarely ever drink at home. When I do it’s usually beer. Sometime I’ll do some cocktails for New year’s.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          I was a little surprised what a difference they made in the Irish mule, but I rarely use them for anything else. I have cherry bitters which occasionally go in rum and coke or something

          1. AlmightyJB

            Well I’ll have to give it a try

        2. Raven Nation

          Lemon, lime & bitters used to be the drink of choice for designated drivers in Australia.

          1. AlmightyJB

            Like a lemon-lime soda or actual lemon and lime juice I assume mixed with a simple syrup or something.

  10. Brett L

    Mr. Dean, I am partial to your Mexican Moose, only throw in a little pickled jalapeño brine or muddle some fresh ones with limes for a little kick. Although this may work better with less spicy ginger beers.

  11. jesse.in.mb

    I usually go Reed’s Extra Ginger Brew. The Kroeger brand actually reminds me a bit of Vernor’s before they changed the recipe a decade or so ago.

  12. DEG

    Dark and Stormy – Gosling’s Rum and Barritt’s Ginger Beer.

    3 and 6 for Spot the Not round 2 are the same. Is that a hint?

  13. Gilmore

    Round 1 = #6

    that seems too long a sentence for trump.

    Round 2 = #1

    its too funny

    also 3 and 6 are the same, yo

  14. OT: Fuck the NHL refs. Sidney Crosby could slew-foot somebody and the refs would call the penalty on the guy he slew-footed.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Title was all I needed and I closed the window again.

      1. straffinrun

        Sorry. 🙁 . I just wanted to roll out my new avatar and that was the best I could find.

      2. Rhywun

        Yikes. True dat.

      3. Playa Manhattan

        Fuck that guy.

        Btw, is he legitimately retarded? I’m detecting an extra chromosome.

        1. Gilmore

          Stanford grad. BS computer science. JD from Gtown. Holds rank of Col. in Air Force reserves.

          top man, doing toppish work, advancing the interests of his constitutents, and fighting injustices.

          Proofs =

          In 2008, in a surprising twist of events in the Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) English language controversy, Lieu and State Senator Leland Yee of San Francisco were able to help rescind the LPGA Tour Commission’s suspension-penalty policy for players who failed to learn enough English to speak to sponsors and at award ceremonies. Both officials publicly challenged the legality and galvanized community attention to the LPGA’s policy in August 2008 when it was released, which resulted in revision of the policy by the end of 2008.[8][9]

          Also =

          In 2012 Lieu authored a bill[30] that bans the provision of sexual orientation change efforts (including conversion therapy) to minors. This bill passed both the State Assembly and Senate with substantial support, and was signed into law by Governor Jerry Brown in 2012.[31] This made California the first U.S. state to have such a ban.

          We can all be thrilled that its illegal now for kids who are confused about their orientation to get therapy. Because Justice.

          Take that, oppressors.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            If he wasn’t retarded before Stanford, he certainly was after.

            He’s my rep, BTW. If you ever want to see a gerrymandered district….

          2. Gilmore

            This guy Gerry really fucks shit up wherever he goes.

          3. Rhywun

            Isn’t this “therapy” usually the choice of the parent against their kid’s will? I’m open to proof it isn’t but your wording seems a little one-sided. “Kids who are confused” – what about kids who aren’t confused?

          4. Gilmore

            1) Isn’t this “therapy” usually the choice of the parent against their kid’s will? I’m open to proof it isn’t but 2) your wording seems a little one-sided. 3) “Kids who are confused” – what about kids who aren’t confused?

            1) Yes. Lots of things parents do are against their kids will. I played football until i was hafway through highschool. It wasn’t because i volunteered. I also went to therapy i didn’t want to go to (because my parents got divorced and apparently that means kids and not parents need therapy)

            2) “”your wording seems a little one-sided.”” Yes, it was mocking the idea of making therapy illegal because there happens to be a difference of opinion between the parent and kid on X topic, but not on every other one that kids and parents disagree about.

            3) i was making a qualitative observation which should be better understood as “all kids are confused by definition”. What about kids who are “certain” about their orientation? They’ll be pissed at their parents, and rail at their therapist and generally feel the way i did about being forced to talk about shit and pretend it will change things. Or wait – no they won’t because now its illegal.

            I personally think its a gross intrusion of law for the Government to intrude and declare what types of therapeutic relationship is or isn’t OK. At essence here is the nature of whether a parent can raise a kid the way they want to . Yes, that would include protecting asshole bigots who refuse to accept that their kids are gay. Me arguing that there should be no such intrusion of law between parents/kids/therapists regardless of the subject isn’t me saying, “gay kids need therapy”.

            e.g. I think it should be OK to use drugs (I did). I also think it is a parent right to force their kid into therapy if they’re taking drugs and the parents think the kid is going to destroy his life. Same point.

          5. Rhywun

            Fair enough. I count my blessings that my mom never put me through that bullshit

          6. Rhywun

            Of course that raises the whole “behavior” vs. “being” debate. Rather than open that can of worms I think your approach is probably right. Kids are generally strong enough to deprogram themselves later if needed.

          7. Gilmore

            i count your blessings as well.

            I think one of the therapists *I* attended tried to convince me I was gay. Call it, “reverse-conversion-therapy”.

            Or at least was hoping i’d have something interesting to talk about so he could justify his existence. I basically abused him (later her) for the 1 hour a week i had to go to that shit.

          8. Playa Manhattan

            They get to go to a camp filled with gay dudes, gay counselors, and gay administrators.

            Sexy times.

          9. jesse.in.mb

            False. I had to drive to the valley in rush hour every Wednesday and sit across from this guy while he tried to convince me that I had been molested because according to his theory of the genesis of homosexuality you had to have been molested.

            I read his book out of morbid curiosity his case studies were people who had been kicked out of their homes by their parents who had rejected them and they’d ended up prostituting themselves or doing drugs at a relatively young age and had become trainwrecks as a result. They viewed this as a product of their homosexuality, and were very eager to change. There were no long term follow ups.

            Oh and he was one of the *not* crazy ones.

          10. Playa Manhattan

            If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?

            GOJIRA, YOU GOT THIS

          11. Gilmore

            Here’s Shackelfarb on the same topic

            he raises a number of similar points – some legal ones, some ethical/libertarian points.

          12. Gilmore

            Sorry, wrong link (apparently you can link to Glib comments now? i don’t even know how i copied the comment-url)

            here’s scott

    2. AlmightyJB

      Dem pol on MSNBC. I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t derptarded.

  15. AlmightyJB

    Latest in Venezuelan Socialist paradise news. Of course the last couple of times I’ve brought up Venezuela to lefties I was told that all of there problems are due to American interference.

    http://hotair.com/archives/2017/03/17/venezuela-cracks-down-on-illegal-brownies-made-with-flour/

    1. Derpetologist

      In other Venezuela news, did you know there that the govt there will pay you to get a Chavez tattoo?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6i4JBPImEc

    2. Shpip

      Maybe if they stopping loafing…

  16. Playa Manhattan

    I changed all of the ingredients in the recipe, made it, and it came out wrong. 1 star.

    Also, my phone kept ringing. 0 stars.

    1. Rhywun

      I substituted vodka for rum and Mountain Dew for all the other ingredients.

      10/10 would mix again

      1. westernsloper

        Now that is classy. Right on.

      2. Pomp

        Ugh. Substitute out the MD for Faygo and 11/10. *retarded emoji 1* *retarded emoji 6* *retarded emoji 1* *retarded emoji 8* *retarded emoji 4*

        1. Playa Manhattan

          Faygo is actually a boutique item here now. You can only find it at BevMo and the really expensive grocery store.

          1. Pomp

            That’s incredibly depressing. Did you novelty buy?????

          2. Playa Manhattan

            Yes. It’s actually pretty good, but not 1.89 per 12oz bottle good.

    2. jesse.in.mb

      I was having a pretty great day and thought I’d try this recipe. When I got home I realized that my rum was probably stale, since I don’t drink rum anymore after that time I made out with my girlfriend’s dad at her 27th birthday (OMG, don’t even ask, long story). So I decided that I’d use antifreeze which has a similar flavor profile. I didn’t have any ginger beer because I’m deeply triggered by the word ginger, having grown up with red hair, and all the hatred that people have toward us, so I just left that part out. Then I realized that I only had meyer lemons from this amazing cake I was making a lemon glaze for, but I didn’t want to use the lemons because I needed them for the glaze, but I also didn’t want to go to the store, so I just drank the antifreeze. IT was a pretty good drink, but now I’m dying and it’s all the fault of the original poster. THIS RECIPE IS POISON. But it is pretty tasty. 3/5.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Emergency Room 5/5; paramedics were hot but needed dental work. Didn’t care, good painkillers.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          UPDATE:

          They keep calling me to pay the bill. HOW RUDE!!!!

          Zero stars.

      2. Brett L

        You know, if you would just buy the propylene glycol it will only make you feel bad, not kill you.

      3. This Machine

        You, uh, you’re aware booze is the antidote for antifreeze poisoning, right?

        Ah wait, Jesse’s making a joke. As you were.

    3. Pomp

      Are you a Yelper???

      1. Playa Manhattan

        When my wife and I are drunk, we Yelp out loud as a joke. Other than that, no.

        Your question gets 2 stars, but you have room for improvement.

        1. Gilmore

          “” I too am not a bit tamed—I too am untranslatable; I sound my barbaric yelp over the roofs of the world.””

      2. Gustave Lytton

        Needs to be written in the second person.

  17. Rhywun

    Oh wow, I just noticed the new favicon (and logo) – nice job. One of the resident trolls at the other place who is obsessed with us mentioned it earlier. The favicon looks like a new gender – that’s appropriate I guess.

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      Tell that troll that I said, and I quote, “yo ? tf you complaining for ?? i grind 24/7 ?☝?? you don’t see ? me crying ???‼️ foh lil bitch ??️?”.

      Thank you.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        Such a cunning linguist

      2. Rhywun

        I don’t respond to trolls – especially obvious ones like that one.

        So who won the contest? I miss all the daytime stuff thanks to work.

        1. straffinrun

          Lafe. I liked the “g” monocle. Clever.

          1. Rhywun

            Oh duh, I didn’t see that.

        2. Gilmore

          I miss all the daytime stuff thanks to work.

          Can you at least get the posts via RSS?

          Moderators = can you set the RSS feed to be full text?

          1. Rhywun

            I do use a feed reader at home – not sure if it’s picking them up at work but without the comments why bother.

          2. Gilmore

            without the comments why bother.

            lol i had the same thought, but hey i was just thinking it was a halfway workaround

            i used to get reason articles via RSS in my outlook so i could look like i was working (reading emails) rather than spending my whole day on Reason.com Subtle.

          3. Rhywun

            I use a custom stylesheet that blocks all images.

    2. Gilmore

      “favicon” is a horrible word and i am angry at having been forced to look that up.

      now i need another drink.

  18. straffinrun

    With proposal to penalize men for masturbating, legislator aims to shake up health debate. State Rep. Jessica Farrar, a Houston Democrat, has filed House Bill 4260, which would fine men $100 for masturbating.

    Farrar continued: “Men have to answer for their actions and so forth. So if there’s going to be an emission, it would have to be done in a hospital where the semen could be preserved for future pregnancies or it would be directly deposited into the vagina of a woman.”

    I don’t think satire works like that.

    1. Derpetologist

      Hurr durr, gametes is sames as fetuses.

      herp herp herpaderp

      Is it too much to ask them to come up with *new* retarded arguments?

      1. straffinrun

        And yet if you say, “Taxation is theft” they go ballistic. “Totally different! Apples and Oranges! Cats and dogs! Mein and Kampf!”

    2. Gilmore

      While Farrar knows her “proposed satirical regulations” will not become law, she hoped the bill’s filing would at least foster a deeper discussion about what should be a priority during session years.

      I would hope it actually fostered a deeper discussion about who the fuck voted for this moron and how can people make them suffer

      1. straffinrun

        Eudaimonia links virtue to happiness. So if she is going to be a disingenuous fuck, she is going to lack virtue. Therefore, no happiness for you bitch. Syllogism FTW.

        1. Gilmore

          you read that link i posted last week? that makes me happy.

          its a bit different than that, but i think your point is probably broadly accurate the case for the lady.

          – her work requires no virtue from her, therefore whatever virtues she might have have no opportunity to exercise themselves, and hence wither, leaving her a useless sack of human shit. aka “politicians”.

          Although i think the greeks did suggest that politicians often needed to be able to persuade the public with honeyed words; and that persuasion, while often dishonest, nevertheless required appeals to the better natures of their audiences, and in so doing exercised the audience’s virtues. Something like that. (drinks bourbon). greeks were some deep motherfuckers.

    3. Tacit Rainbow

      I see a business opportunity for “extraction and storage according to state law”. It would have to cost less than $100 per … incident.

  19. Derpetologist

    Gotta love the butthurt socialists in the comments:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jga48jFr004

    1. straffinrun

      Socialist5 か月前
      Chavez was never a hard core socialist.

      Oh boy. That’s why I never read Youtube comments. I’m dumb enough already.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        A very important Chrome extension.

        Somehow it makes YouTube comments more intelligible.

        1. Rhywun

          Holy crap that is brilliant

  20. Derpetologist

    Thom Hartmann furrows his brows in a futile attempt to understand to the crisis in Venezeula:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puKZepPEohU

  21. Tacit Rainbow

    This was a lost opportunity for me. For some people, their favorite St. Pat’s drinking song is “The Rifles of the IRA”. Others prefer newer standards like “Crossmaglen”.

    My favorite is “The Great Fenian Ram”. Unlike most of the commie “up the ‘Ra” songs, this is about a visionary Irish engineer and entrepreneur, John Holland. Holland built the first useful submarines.

    The story of the Fenian Ram, his second submarine, is worthy of coverage by The Fusionist. Alas, maybe I’ll do something for that next St. Pat’s.

    Holland built the first commissioned US submarine, The USS Holland (SS-1). In spite of, or perhaps because of the Fenian Ram escapade, he also designed the first Royal Navy submarine, The HMS Holland 1

    Now there’s some Irish heritage that isn’t Muddled by Drink, and Taken to Boasts.

  22. Tacit Rainbow

    A sad song, from the days before Irish real estate could inflate a bubble: “Flight of Earls”.

    “Our best asset is our best export too.”

    Economic migration. It leaves a scar, yo.

  23. Playa Manhattan

    I was right. Kent State is a massacre. Still waiting on the body count.

    1. Brett L

      Tin soldiers?

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Four quarters in Sacramento.

  24. Derpetologist

    STN answers

    Round 1: 2 is the Not. Michael Scott from The Office said that.

    Round 2: 1 is the Not. Dale Gribble from King of the Hill said that.

    Fun fact: Ulysses Grant was the first US politician to use the phrase “mistakes were made”.