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THE CONTINUING AWESOME ADVENTURES OF SECRET NAZI PRESIDENT!!11!1! Vol 15: Francophobia and Malaise

Posted by BakedPenguin | May 8, 2017 | Comic, Satire, Secret Nazi President | 76

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About The Author

BakedPenguin

76 Comments

  1. Brochettaward on May 8, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    Secret Nazi President needs a theme song.

    • Trigger Hippie on May 8, 2017 at 12:30 pm

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-u-HCHCuHMg

      This?

      • Vhyrus on May 8, 2017 at 1:05 pm

        I was expecting shadilay

        • Trigger Hippie on May 8, 2017 at 1:41 pm

          You’re too clever by half.

    • John Titor on May 8, 2017 at 1:26 pm

      Secret Nazi President, fighting for his clients, wearing orange tans and being self-reliant.

      • John Titor on May 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

        Also Secret Nazi President The Anime has its own OP.

    • Chipwooder on May 8, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      I take it the Horst Wessel Lied is out?

  2. Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    the French reporter holding the microphone like a cigarette (and how a fancy-pants Euro-person holds a cigarette, no less) is a stroke of genius.

    • Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 12:24 pm

      translated for you American philistines

      • commodious spittoon on May 8, 2017 at 12:57 pm

        Merci.

  3. The Late P Brooks on May 8, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    Phew! I was worried the 25th Amendment Mob had usurped Secret Nazi President.

  4. The Late P Brooks on May 8, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    Also-

    RANDOM DRUNKEN ASSHOLE FOR SUPREME COURT.

    He couldn’t be any worst than Kagan.

    • robc on May 8, 2017 at 12:47 pm

      Speaking of which, has Gorsuch heard any cases yet?

      I am pretty sure no opinions from him yet.

      • Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 1:01 pm

        He sat in 3 cases in April

        https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/04/17/gorsuch-era-supreme-court-begins-first-three-cases/22042935/

        the court’s term operates in “sessions” where they hear cases, than recesses where they write opinions/other business. they alternate every few weeks. the next i guess would be in mid-may

  5. The Late P Brooks on May 8, 2017 at 12:55 pm

    has Gorsuch heard any cases yet?

    I believe he has been in the court for oral arguments. I’m not sure they have issued any opinions (except perhaps procedural stuff).

    I’m not a SC scholar, but I think he is excluded from ruling on cases heard prior to being sworn in.

    • commodious spittoon on May 8, 2017 at 12:59 pm

      Also, he has to run his opinions by Judge Garland first because THAT SEAT BELONGS TO HIM.

    • Juvenile Bluster on May 8, 2017 at 1:07 pm

      Well, he did murder those death row prisoners in Arkansas that Garland totally would’ve voted to stay their executions even though he has a record as being far more agreeable to whatever the government asks for than Gorsuch does.

  6. Swiss Servator on May 8, 2017 at 1:13 pm

    Whew…Secret Nazi President is back!

    • Robert on May 8, 2017 at 2:15 pm

      For a second I thought you wrote, “Wow…Secret Nazi President is black!”

      • Floridaman on May 8, 2017 at 2:30 pm

        No no, That was secret Commie President.

  7. Pomp on May 8, 2017 at 1:16 pm

    Did Conchita used to be holding a sno-cone or a cocktail glass before she got that awesome microphone?

    • Pomp on May 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm

      Also whatever happened to Cortex Cortez? I miss that guy.

      • BakedPenguin on May 8, 2017 at 1:36 pm

        Cortex was beloved former President’s name for him.

  8. Scruffy Nerfherder on May 8, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    OT: Condescending Brit is Still Condescending

    Net neutrality could be protected by an act of Congress, but Oliver does not trust this Congress or any Congress to handle such a complex and technical issue. Instead, Oliver believes that anyone who loves the Internet needs to speak up and make sure the FCC knows that net neutrality is important. To make that easy, Oliver bought the website GoFCCYourself.com which leads directly to the FCC’s public comment area.

    • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 1:44 pm

      Net neutrality could be protected by an act of Congress, but Oliver does not trust this Congress or any Congress to handle such a complex and technical issue.

      Unlike bloated bureaucracies full of unaccountable civil servants, which are bastions of efficiency, technical aptitude, and concern for public interest.

    • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      Also, I imagine John Oliver knows more about guns than he does about network engineering, and he knows very little about guns.

      • Ed Wuncler on May 8, 2017 at 2:02 pm

        Rule Number 454 of Progressivism: It’s okay to pontificate on subjects that you don’t know anything about as long as it’s upholding the party line. And if someone with more knowledge calls you out, double down and use ad hominems.

        • Q Continuum on May 8, 2017 at 3:00 pm

          How do you apply rule 454 of Progressivism to rule 34 of Progressivism?

          • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 3:03 pm

            Bill Nye the “Special” Pizza Delivery Guy

          • Dr. Fronkensteen on May 8, 2017 at 3:05 pm

            If there is a way to screw over the populace, some progressive has already pontificated on it.

    • John Titor on May 8, 2017 at 1:58 pm

      For the last time you morons, tiered service already exists, it hasn’t created some horrific dystopia.

    • Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      et neutrality, it is the idea that Internet service providers (ISPs) cannot limit, slow down access to, or otherwise manipulate the choices that consumers make online by slowing down access to less popular sites. In short, they have to treat all websites as equal.

      If they’re “less popular” then they aren’t equal by definition. Demand builds roads motherfucker, and there is no superhighway running through every town in America.

      • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 2:14 pm

        Unless the net neutrality retards have gone off the deep end*, the use of different size pipes based on demand is still okay for them. It’s only the use of software solutions, e.g. QoS, throttling, bandwidth shaping, that sets them off. Basically, if you strip out “muh torrents” and “omg teh censorships”** from their justifications, what they want is for ISPs to just keep building bigger pipes, i.e. solve every problem in the most capital-intensive way possible.

        * = Give it time
        ** = Because the FCC is so good on free speech

        • Scruffy Nerfherder on May 8, 2017 at 2:19 pm

          They’re way beyond that level of derp now.

          [–]ThatFinchLad 259 points 4 hours ago

          Does US net neutrality affect the rest of world? I know a lot servers are hosted in the US but I’m guessing our external laws would take precedence?

          permalinkembed

          [–]SteveJEO 350 points 4 hours ago

          Yup.

          Introduces a market cost and established precedence for selective filtering and monitoring (with the nicest thing in the universe: self selection).

          US is going to add a ‘cost to the consumer’ model. UK’s adding a ‘consumer cost/control basis’.

          When the two mix you’ll have to ‘pay’ for the privilege of reading anything your government doesn’t find preferable and be monitored 100% doing it. (kinda like china but with massive profiteering)

          The entire point behind these ideas is to establish 100% information dominance whilst exploiting and controlling the opinions of peons (that would be you) at the same time.

          • Floridaman on May 8, 2017 at 2:21 pm

            They are a never ending fountain of derp.

          • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 2:30 pm

            The only real question, if the FCC gets control of the ISPs, is not whether they will exercise censorship and facilitate spying, it’s whether they will do so in the hands of the SJWs or the socons. I lean heavily toward the former, but politics is not set in stone and today’s trends could be undone in the future. Ironically, they would of course both crack down on porn.

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on May 8, 2017 at 2:33 pm

            This, a hundred times over.

            No bureaucracy/politician can resist the siren song of content control.

        • Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 2:27 pm

          the use of different size pipes based on demand is still okay for them. It’s only the use of software solutions, e.g. QoS, throttling, bandwidth shaping, that sets them off.

          I understand (most of) the technical differences. but in the end its the same issue = trying to force ISPs to impose a an arbitrary equality on the ‘value’ of traffic. Some traffic is highly profitable, other traffic is not. Bandwidth-rationing may not always have such a simple demand-driven purpose – i realize that it is in the interests of all the ‘content providers’ to prevent piracy and block competing “free”-services in favor of paid ones. and I also know that may ISPs are owned by same companies which push content, so they’re generally likely to favor their own content over that of competitors. I still think the consumer benefits the most when the vendors have the freedom to choose how they do business and compete, rather than be reduced to mere-utility-status.

          • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 2:39 pm

            You’ll get no argument from me. I was just pointing out that the NN crowd will say they’re not against ISPs innovating or offering better service. The problem is that they want to narrow down the ways ISPs can innovate and improve service to basically only the most expensive options. You and I are smart enough to realize that this will just lead to ISPs becoming stagnant utilities, but the NN crowd doesn’t connect those dots for the most part. They also seem to operate on outdated models of how the Internet works. The whole concept of “peering” is anachronistic. How many services actually have symmetric use of bandwidth? And why shouldn’t transit be paid for both ways?

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on May 8, 2017 at 2:44 pm

            It’s like Ma Bell never existed.

  9. Q Continuum on May 8, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    Howdy all. Long time lurker from TSTSNBN (as in Bush the Lesser’s first term), but thought I’d jump on board with the new project. I dig the vibe a lot more over here anyway. So… there you go I guess. Obligatory introduction post. And, yes, I will go fuck myself.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on May 8, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      And, yes, I will go fuck myself.

      This one gets us.

      Welcome.

      • Riven on May 8, 2017 at 2:17 pm

        Right? I think he’s going to do just fine here. Just fine, indeed.

    • Floridaman on May 8, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      Send pictures.

    • Caput Lupinum on May 8, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      If you need it, Jesse can get you a good rate on lube.

      • Q Continuum on May 8, 2017 at 2:56 pm

        “WOODHOUSE! Do we have any lube? Like at this point even some olive oil would… help me get that drawer unstuck.”

    • Juvenile Bluster on May 8, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      Fuck off, Tulpa. *

      * This is the standard greeting for all newbies, right?

      • Rufus the Monocled on May 8, 2017 at 2:48 pm

        Fuck off is the my greeting.

        Fuck off.

        • Rufus the Monocled on May 8, 2017 at 2:48 pm

          Yeh, I completely messed that up.

          F/O is my go-to greeting.

          So.

          Fuck off.

          • Gustave Lytton on May 8, 2017 at 2:52 pm

            You fucked it up?

    • John Titor on May 8, 2017 at 2:31 pm

      I dig the vibe a lot more over here anyway.

      It’s interesting to me that The Other Site’s response to the French election has been ‘thank god the pro-free market candidate won!’. Yes, the former employee of Rothschilds and the socialist party won’t be cronyist at all. And boy those ‘free market reforms’ will sure be great ten to fifteen years down the road when EU authoritarianism pushed for a more planned economy (fortunately for them, I think the EU is likely dead in the long run anyway).

      It’s almost like tearing down the EU is priority one to prevent some horrific bureaucratic totalitarianism or something. But virtue signal about the evils of Le Pen is surely better than, I don’t know, actual strategy.

      • Chipwooder on May 8, 2017 at 2:39 pm

        I noticed that too. I used to expect better of Ed Krayewski, but then I guess he knows who’s signing his checks.

        Not only are they huzzahing Macron as a free marketeer, they actually call him a “reformer” because he pushed Hollande to be slightly less of a socialist.

      • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 2:46 pm

        There has been a distinctive trend, call it the “shrike perspective”, to play up every way in which candidates/politicians “of the right” are anti-libertarian while conveniently glossing over the ways in which candidates/politicians “of the left” are anti-libertarian, up to the absurd extreme of shrike/PB himself calling Obama the most pro-free market President ever.

        • Ed Wuncler on May 8, 2017 at 2:47 pm

          I remember when he wrote that. It was one of the few times I didn’t have any sort of response because it was that dumb.

          • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 2:58 pm

            Hey, if you just misrepresent everything the opposition does and cherry-pick only the “good” things your side does, then you can come to whatever conclusion makes you feel good.

        • John Titor on May 8, 2017 at 2:58 pm

          PB has the excuse of being a coke-addled idiot with massive insecurities about Republicans, Reason does not have such a justification.

          • kbolino on May 8, 2017 at 3:04 pm

            Well, they’re probably not coke-addled, anyway.

          • John Titor on May 8, 2017 at 3:10 pm

            Hey, hey, I said massive, as in “those bullies who pulled my pants down in high school must have been Republicans.” I wouldn’t think the Reason staff would be that bad, more just typical DC virtue signalling.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder on May 8, 2017 at 2:48 pm

        Virtue signaling is exactly what it is. Reason be damned.

        • Mike Schmidt on May 8, 2017 at 2:49 pm

          I see what you did there

        • Ed Wuncler on May 8, 2017 at 2:51 pm

          But the crazy part is that they are getting nothing out of it. What really burns me is that establishment Libertarians are always willing to compromise their principles while the Left refuse to do so.

          • Chipwooder on May 8, 2017 at 2:56 pm

            Who says they get nothing out of it? You think The Niskanen Center pays for itself? How else would they get all that sweet, sweet lefty foundation grant money?

      • Q Continuum on May 8, 2017 at 2:52 pm

        It strikes me that embracing the EU and calling oneself “pro free market” are mutually exclusive. I remember reading around the time of Brexit that the EU has over 100 regulations that must be followed for a pillow. And none of these regulations have what I would call any backing from the consent of the governed. The EU represents the technocrat, nanny state, administrative class wet dream. It is to a free market as a pillow to your ex-wife, smothering.

        • one true athena on May 8, 2017 at 3:02 pm

          I had a class on EU law more than ten years ago. It was exactly that THEN, I can’t even imagine how much worse it is now.

        • Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 3:25 pm

          I remember reading around the time of Brexit that the EU has over 100 regulations that must be followed for a pillow

          109

          The numbers are obviously hyperbole which probably include a lot of labor/safety/distribution related regulations, but the point is still that pretending that “bigger-markets” means “Freer Markets” is a lie.

    • Mike Schmidt on May 8, 2017 at 2:50 pm

      STEVE SMITH will be bringing by a rape welcome basket.

  10. AlmightyJB on May 8, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    I would like to do further research on this. In the name of science.

    http://hotair.com/archives/2017/05/08/emma-watson-receives-tribute-genderless-something/

    • Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 2:33 pm

      Has anyone seen Emma Watson act in anything that made you go, “wow”?

      i.e. the sort of “wow” that you felt when Gary Oldman did Drexel the white-pimp in True Romance, or Charlize Theron in Monster… or whatver.

      You know…. anything exceptionally-good? she’s one of these people (like lena dunham) whose name keeps popping up all the time that makes me wonder, “why does anyone care what this person thinks?” iow, does she have some talent beyond merely ‘hogging media attention’

      • Chipwooder on May 8, 2017 at 2:42 pm

        The endless fascination with her is predicated entirely on this generation’s never-ending, childish attachment to Harry fucking Potter. I mean, can you name another movie she’s been in? I can think of one – This Is the End, where she played herself. She’s done no other acting of note. She’s attractive but hardly a raving beauty. She seems to spend most of her time flapping her gums on behalf of one useless UN program or another.

      • Ed Wuncler on May 8, 2017 at 2:46 pm

        She’s currently in that Tom Hanks Google-ish movie.

        I wouldn’t throw her out of bed but yeah, her incessant blathering about some bullshit cause is a huge turnoff when I am determining whether I want to see any of her movies.

      • Raston Bot on May 8, 2017 at 2:54 pm

        don’t forget Brad Pitt’s “Clyde”

        • Gilmore on May 8, 2017 at 3:21 pm

          and get some cleaning products

        • SimonD on May 8, 2017 at 4:17 pm

          and the Darren Aronofsky thing that turned Jehovah into an enviro-Nazi.

  11. The Late P Brooks on May 8, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    what they want is for ISPs to just keep building bigger pipes, i.e. solve every problem in the most capital-intensive way possible.

    All our problems will disappear when every American has free unlimited internetz! Utopia is just a few bandwidths away.

  12. westernsloper on May 8, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    Late is good enough BP.

    What is it with the scarves like Vivian Gouche is wearing? I saw a middle aged couple walking in front of the liquor store I was going to a few weeks ago, and the woman was wearing that sort of an apparatus. It wasn’t cold out and they had zip off at the knee pants. People around these parts do not wear that sort of attire. I was befuddled. There may be an invasion underway.

  13. The Elite Elite on May 8, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    Thank you for this series, BP. I really need the laughs right now.

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