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No way that’s happening. She’s married.
+1 Jar of beans.
That’s one of the ushers.
Lol.
Last one ever – enjoy.
Birthdays?
Ha!
Totally not the case in my marriage, which is a major reason why our marriage is still a happy one after 14 years.
Do you sit and watch, or does she come home later and tell you about it?
Cell phone video
Teach me your ways.
She’s obviously checking him for ticks.
It would really be a shame to lose your new husband/meal ticket to tick fever or lyme disease or something.
Well, I guess they get to have fun explaining the mudstains? Also since this is clearly some sort of staged pic, whose fuckin idea was it? I would say the groom, but I couldn’t imagine the bride being down with it.
I’d say the wedding is over and this is just the beginning of the honeymoon.
(insert witty married sex life joke here)
Why not? It’s a fun picture that I’m sure a small but significant fraction of couples would enjoy taking and passing around.
I’d have guessed it’s actors pretending to be a bride and groom, not a real bride and groom.
She’s definitely marriage material.
Which one burps first?
Depends on her.
Her what?
Experience? Quality? Tongue? Mouth/Throat?
And I am off to bed. Can’t wait to see how this thread turns out.
You’ll be in your bunk?
*narrows gaze*
The first BJ I got was – stereotype alert! – on prom night on a cold Michigan in May beach.
Bonus points: It wasn’t my prom date, but her friend, a super slutty blonde. She was waaay beyond my experience.
Extra Credit points: And I also made out with my date, and another girl – during the dance – that night, for a total of 3.
I came home the next morning and felt like a total dog. Slept in until the afternoon.
Life can only go downhill from there.
Um… college? I was pulling that 6 nights a week. The seventh day was the lord’s day.
My first BJ was when I was 14 from a 4/10 wannabe goth chick. It was behind a utility shed in the downtown area.
I hope she posted that on social media. “Get a load of my new husband”.
I’d think she’d want to keep the load for herself?
Point taken. How about “Getting a facial for the wedding”?
“
GetGot a load of my new husband.”For all three of you…
*narrows gaze*
Sounds more like a wide glaze to me…
Et tu, Reptile?
*narrows gaze, basilisk style*
How The Graduate should have ended?
Call me a fuddy duddy, but deepthroating a hot cock on camera, in your wedding dress, just doesn’t seem like couth behavior
My wife just took a gander and said “A wedding photographer is using that for an ad? Can you imagine the class of people he has for clients?”
LOL THEYRE FUN AND CRAZY!! JORDAN AND KHAYLEE ARE JUST WILD AND FUN LOL!
*48 facebook likes*
“Jordan and Khaylee”
*begins to wipe computer screen*
I didn’t realize people who like to have fun are supposed to be relegated to a certain class. … Can someone direct me to the proper line?
Lines are for squares, Riven. The fun class just wanders as they please.
man, I can’t even be fun properly!
Sure.It’s right back the way you came
*points in general direction of my house*
Party at Suthen’s house! Jefe’s clown not invited. Jefe’s alright, though. 😛
Any woman that describes what is occurring in that picture as ‘fun’ to her, is alright in my book
Note to self: Just Say’n loves pantomime blowjobs
The pantomime versions are the second best type
Who doesn’t like a little naughty fun while your wedding guests are all waiting for you to come back? Just eat the damn cake while you wait, jerks. We’ll be back, um, eventually!
No, monogamous marriage is the pretty lie we like to tell ourselves to cover over the ugly truth that monogamous marriages almost never work.
Once you filter out the marriages which aren’t monogamous because of infidelity in one or both parties (or because they are in open marriages or swingers), the marriages that end in divorce, and the marriages that simply linger on in misery with one or both parties profoundly unhappy with their spouses, and the marriages that end early because of a death you are down to somewhere in the low single digit percentages of marriages .
Basically on you wedding day you have maybe a 3% chance to still be happily married and both of you have forsaken all others in the next 20 years.
What is more, while those odds were probably higher in the past I doubt they were much higher at any point in history, sure you had fewer divorces and in some placetimes you may have had lower infidelity rates but you had a hell of a lot more marriages ending in death early or falling into profound unhappiness for one or both parties (probably more often the woman in the past) .
The simple fact of the matter is humans are not biologically equipped for long term monogamy
You must be a blast at receptions.
Don’t worry, 75% of all statistics are 85% fabricated.
No worries on my part, I’ve been single so long I’m functionally asexual at this point.
What do you crank down to?
Anime?
I’m single, not autistic.
Most people are capable of recognizing that the word *maybe* placed before a numeric value indicates that you are giving a rough estimate based off of incomplete facts and not an actual statistical measure. The percentages are indeed made up off the top of my head however they are not completely baseless.
Somewhere in the vicinity of half of all marriages end in divorce, it is probably a little less than half and not one has any real good statistics on it but half as an estimate gets you into the correct order of magnitude.
Depending in which surveys you read the percentage of people who are happily married ranges from a low of 10% to a high of 70% and obviously some of those unhappy marriages will go on to divorce, a lot of them will also contain infidelity but a rough estimate is that somewhere around 50% of long term marriages one or both parties are seriously unhappy.
Finally, I’ve seen estimates that anywhere from 25% to 70% of marriages experience infidelity at some point, now obviously many of those cases will end in divorce and more in an ongoing but unhappy marriage but many more remain undiscovered and some even recover from the infidelity and go on to be relatively happy marriages in the future.
So if you just .5 * .5 * .5 you end up with 12.5% of marriages might meet the criteria of life long monogamous relationships that continue to meet the emotional and physical needs of both people. That said I personally think the numbers are significantly lower because I think incidences of unhappiness and infidelity are significantly under reported in surveys because the people themselves don’t like to think of themselves as a cheater or being in an unhappy marriage so when asked directly about it they rationalize events away as not counting as cheating and reflexively answer that they are happy.
That said, even if I am underestimating things and the real odds are in the 10 – 15% range rather than the 1 – 5% range where I think they are, does that really changing anything? Even if it was 25% of marriages were faithful till death do us part and happy for both people that is still pathetic odds to base our entire society around.
Jesus Christ, it’s a joke. Lighten up, Francis!
If you take into account that it’s the same people getting divorced multiple times, the statistics aren’t that bleak.
Most people I know are either still married to their original spouse, or they’ve been married multiple times. Not a lot of middle ground as you get older.
My parents are still married, and my mother in law has been married 5 times. Using those numbers, 83% of all marriages in my family end in divorce.
^this. In addition, if you weed out the ones that implode within the first couple of years, the numbers go way up for happy/successful marriages. Also, I would challenge the numbers based on talking with the elderly. If you ask them about their thoughts on marriage, they are overwhelmingly pro-marriage. It is rare that they says “I put up with that bitch (or sonofabitch) for 50 years and am glad she finally keeled over.” Sometimes being down in the thick of the daily challenges obscure the longer term rewards/satisfaction of marriage.
You know a very different group of people from the ones I know.
When I was in high school there was a group of about 20 kids that were in my social group (essentially the ROTC unit), out of the 20 2 of us still had our parents married and NEITHER of those relationships could reasonably be called “happy”.
My own parents are a pretty good example, they were married for 48 years until my Father died earlier this week and they did truly deeply love each other, but they were never happy, my father suffered from numerous mental health issues and for most of their lives together was seriously mentally abusive and slightly physically abusive. My Mother is one of the mentally strongest people you could ever meet so she was absolutely never a victim in that relationship and often she went out of her way to pick fights with him.
If you asked them, they would both have said they were happy in their marriage, and I suppose by some internal measure they were because we each define our own happiness but their relationship had about as much resemblance to what the overwhelming majority of people would describe a happy marriage to be as the Democratic Party resembles small government constitutionalists.
truly deeply love
madly, deeply” target=”_blank” >Truly, madly, deeply?
But in all fairness the most successful wedded couple I know (I think they’re at 67 years now) is my grandparents, and as far as I can figure, my grandmother stepped out on grandad early in their marriage and they made it work anyway (there’s some adorably low-key dickishness from my grandfather that would require way too much backstory to explain). None of their three kids managed to pin down a marriage and make it work although a couple of their grandkids are starting to rack up some long-term-wedded-bliss numbers and one of my aunt’s *counts on fingers* fourth marriage (I think) has lasted quite a while.
My grandparents had the most successful marriage I know, right up until he went and died and ruined it all.
Yeah, I need to fly east and visit. I’m waiting to hear back if my grandfather has mesothelioma. I’d planned on seeing him in August, but there’s a chance that won’t be a thing.
Plus, if you’d asked me this morning when my wife and I were bitching at each other about whether or not to throw out some old travel mugs I’d say I was not, in fact, happily married, but ask me again this evening when we’re sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy and drinking mojitos and I’ll testify to marital bliss. And marriage isn’t for everyone, certainly. My SIL got married mostly to spite my wife, her sister, with whom she has had a one-sided, vicious competition since birth. Naturally, her marriage lasted about three years. Most of my friends who married young are now divorced; all of them who married in their late 20s or later are still married.
So, yeah, if you look at a given set of statistical data and don’t do much in the way of analysis, it looks like marriage is a losing proposition. If you use a little bit of the skepticism people around here traditionally apply towards other statistics, it’s a much sunnier picture. Again, there are no absolutes in this case; not everyone is built for a happy, monogamous marriage, which is fine. That doesn’t contradict the proposition that monogamous marriage contributes to social stability, is arguably the best environment in which to raise children, and engenders values and behaviors that are most compatible–perhaps paradoxically–with individual liberty.
On rereading, that might have come across a little snarky, which wasn’t my intention, so I apologize if I caused any offense.
lol no problems.
I’m a libertarian who likes to argue on the internet and has been hanging around the other site with varying degrees of frequency for more than a decade, this is tame compared to what I am used to.
Also I assume Naptown is Annapolis?
And yes I agree that long term pair bonding is a very good thing for society, what I reject is that monogamy is an essential or even useful part of that and long term need not mean “till death do us part” far more useful is to recognize that people change and grow as they age and life hits them in the face with periodic sledgehammers and to expect 2 people to always grow in the same direction is a fools errand and it is much better to recognize when things are going south and re-evaluate, re-negotiate, and maybe even dissolve the relatinship than to try and force it to stay together.
In my first marriage the biggest mistake I made was not divorcing my ex 2 years earlier than I did when it became absolutely clear she wanted very different things out of life than I did. Had I done that we would probably still be friends instead of going through the very bitter angry split we did.
I am also one of the few people who has often wished my parents DID get divorced, because had my mother said “enough is enough” and kicked my father out it might have actually spurred him to get the mental health care he absolutely needed before it was so baked into his personality that it couldn’t be reversed.
Were you pro or con on the travel mugs?
I married SP. Why would I ever need or want anyone else?
Intensive therapy/deprogramming cures her of her Stockholm syndrome?
People whose spouses read the comments here can be ignored.
Sounds like Scott Steiner attempting to explain his chances to win a match.
https://youtu.be/msDuNZyYAIQ
lol that would imply that I’ve ever been invited to a wedding.
The last 2 weddings I was at were my own 13 and 24 years ago respectively, prior to that was my Sisters wedding 27 years ago.
Being a curmudgeonly geek libertarian pretty well ensures that I will never have any friends close enough to want me at their weddings.
As far as my two marriages, both were well aware of my thoughts on monogamy going in and both relationships have had open components to them.
Shorter Rasilio
Or maybe this.
Hahahah! I know purists don’t like that movie, but I think it’s good fun.
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought they did a fine job of it. I am glad they never tried to do all 5 books of the trilogy since I believe the quality would have fallen way off.
I thought it was hilarious. Adams himself had so many different versions floating around (radio, tv, other tv, books, by choice) that I don’t think h would have minded another
He said there were so many versions that he would lose track of them himself.
I liked the yarn scene.
That is all.
Your chances of winning the lottery are 1 in ten zillion, yet someone always wins.
“The simple fact of the matter is humans are not biologically equipped for long term monogamy”
And you use death as evidence to support this claim???? Hahahaha! Good one!
Too good.
Disagree if you must, but I posit that humans are not biologically equipped to not die.
If a marriage ends with one dying it proves monogamy is bullshit I guess.
Rasilio gives the best man’s speech.
Anyway, marital vows are aspirational. Nobody takes them under threat of death, and nobody believes his or her spouse is literally incapable of breaking them. That we can, and perhaps will, or at the very least will be tempted to, is beside the point. We are creatures of flesh and fleshly desires. The best we can do is uphold fidelity as a virtue and attempt to live by it. That’s not a lie, it’s bowing to reality.
I put together a couple of friends who were in that small percentage, until Charlie’s death ended it about a decade later. Then Nadine found and married Sebastien, and they’ve been together over a decade — but spending long periods separated by the Atlantic Ocean.
Meanwhile, not counting my parents’ generation (and I’m 63, and they were pretty old too), the great majority of marriages of my close friends and relatives have been ended by divorce, unbalanced, or even abusive. I’m struggling to think of a marriage of them that had/has them together for a long time comfortably. And I also know a lot of never-marrieds, including me.
My sister and her husband married right out of college, and will be celebrating their 29th anniversary in June. As far as I know they’re happy together.
My other sister married about a year out of college, and that marriage ended in divorce three years later. Her second marriage is going on 16 years. I think. They basically eloped since they didn’t want to make everybody else spend on coming to a wedding after she’d already done that once.
Is this one of those NSFW gifs I keep hearing about?
I was going to add “if that’s not NSWF, what would NSWF look like,” but I decided I didn’t want to know.
C’mon Eddy, where’s your sense of adventure?
It’s hiding up a tree and refuses to come down.
That strongly depends on where you work.
Probably better that she swallows. We don’t need anymore red headed kids walking the earth.
filthy gingers
Interfaith weddings really go overboard sometimes
I’m getting married on the 28th this month. I’m pretty excited for the wedding but the planning overall was bullshit because having an in depth conversation about what sort of flowers you want at each of the tables makes you want to jump out of the nearest window.
And the wedding industry is a fucking racket. Just put the word wedding in front of something and the price magically increases by 20 percent.
This is why we eloped.
Again, also why we eloped.
We invited the parents and our sisters, but we had an elopment ceremony somewhere and they handled the stupid details like cake, flowers, and the rest of that garbage.
Glad you’re getting excited, though! I hope your day goes off without a hitch! … Wait! That’s not what I meant!
Luckily for us, we’re having it in the Cleveland suburb of Shaker Heights. I know that sounds strange because who in the hell wants to have anything in Cleveland, but my fiance (who grew up in Cleveland) and I live in Chicago and for us to have done a wedding here with the stuff we wanted would have been double of what we are paying to have a wedding in Cleveland. I think the average wedding in Chicago is $40,000. Fuck that shit, that’s basically my student loans.
Ha! I used to live in Garfield Heights! Shaker heights is definitely not a town that leaps to mind when you ask yourself “where do I want to get hitched?”
We’re getting married at the Shaker Heights Country Club. The place that my fiance and I originally wanted to get married was at the The Country Club (that’s the actual name) in Pepper Pike, Ohio. We calculated the costs and said fuck that shit.
Oh lawd D: Absolutely not. I think we spent maybe $5,000 on ours, including the dress, the suit, rental wedding location, gas to travel there, hotel stay, dinner for the whole family, governmental fees, etc.
I can’t … I just… 40k for ONE DAY?!
The best part is that Chicago and Cook County has a special tax for wedding events. Even on your most intimate and happiest day of your life, Chicago has a way to make money off of you.
Ours wasn’t too far from that. Gotta figure $5000 for the dress, maybe $1000 for my suit and the groomsmen’s gear, $12000 for the venue, $5000 for the catering (done by the venue, which saved us money), another couple of grand for the photographer, a few hunge for the DJ (who knew us and hooked us), and then something like $2000 for a block of rooms at the hotel. So after all that, invitations, stuff like that, we probably came in around $30k, and we cut corners where we could.
Ours was about $80 for the fees and judge’s honorium. Plus another $500 or so for travel costs and $60 for the dog’s grooming while we got married. Figure another $80 for our dinner afterwards.
Ditto. Probably 40k. But the presidential suite was empty that night and they put us in it for free, so we were practically making money!
My first marriage in 1990 was $25k or so. About $45-$48k in 2017 dollars. The 2nd one, which I am in now for the past 22+ years, was less than my first one by a lot.
If you break the wedding costs down by year, my 2nd marriage has been less than $1500/year, while the first was between $45-$48k per year.
Under 5k for mine in 2014.
Well, maybe between 5-6k, I dont remember exactly.
Fuel to Vegas and back, an hour with Elvis, a night at the Luxor. I spent under $1000 on mine.
But you’ll have memories for a lifetime! Or not.
True about the wedding industry being a racket. I swear you say weeding and the supplier’s eyes turn into dollar signs like in a cartoon.
Wedding. Weeding well that’s a different story.
Congrats.
I was involved in a lot of the planning for my wedding. The main course and the cocktails, for example.
However, I had nothing to do with the flowers, cake, center pieces, seat covers, or any of the other bullshit I don’t care about.
And for the record, I’ve had several people over the years tell me that they still remember the Beef Wellington. Not a single person has ever mentioned flowers.
Thanks for the invite!
You were probably still in High School. Can’t have you unsupervised around the open bar. Especially with my group of friends.
That’s … actually probably very wise. That said, High School Riven wasn’t really into mind altering substances–even those as tame as alcohol.
Probably would have banged a couple of your friends, though.
One of the best perks of knowing Playa in meatspace is that there’s *always* food involved in socializing with him and most of it is good.
From my time lurking on Reason and commenting here, I’ve always gotten the impression that if you hang out with Playa, you will be well fed.
What the fuck do you mean, “most”?
Sometimes it’s Domino’s Pizza, yo.
I tried to avoid those areas too but my fiance like Elizabeth Warren persisted. The food and booze part was the part of the planning process I excelled in.
My wedding was in the back yard of my cousin-in-law who also officiated. The only reason the wife and I had one was because our families would have had kittens about us eloping. It was lost cost, low maintenance affair with plentiful booze and a great band. Spent less the 4k on the whole thing. Besides being the best day of my life emotionally I was also told it was one of the most fun weddings anyone had been too in a while.
The fiancee and I thought about eloping, but we’re going to have a traditional Episcopalian ceremony later this year with her parents and sister, my parents, and maybe 5 friends in attendance. No music, no flowers, not groomsmen or bridesmaids, we have a friend taking pictures for next to nothing, and the reception will be a casual drunken BBQ in my dad’s backyard.
My suit will probably cost more than the entire wedding (and my fiancee’s dress, the frugal minx).
I think I’m more giddy about the lack of wedding bullshit than the actual wedding
The odd part is that my fiance’s mom when she got married in the 70’s, had a small Presbyterian/Catholic wedding in her parent’s backyard in Hudson, Ohio. But for some reason she is all about the big wedding. It helps that my fiance’s family are upper class and can afford this shit because otherwise, if it was up to me, we would be having a BBQ in my parent’s backyard on the Southside of Chicago.
Their money, their rules (within reason).
My dad had about 20 people that he worked with over the years that he wanted to invite. Sure. Fine. Get out your checkbook.
No music, no flowers, not groomsmen or bridesmaids,
Just a union card and a wedding coat?
First wedding: very expensive logistical nightmare
Lasted 8 years
Second wedding: eloped.
Still going 20+ years on
My wife and I kept in simple. We invited 30 family members and close friends, had it at the backyard of my mom’s house and had a caterer bring food. She wore her favorite nice dress. I wore a suit (the same one I wore to my most recent court hearing in my never-ending custody battle with the ex).
All the guests said it was the most beautiful wedding they’d attended. Very little stress for us. Very little expense.
We have 150 guests at our wedding. We invited 225 people.
Congrats, and ignore Rasilo, who has admittedly failed twice at marriage. Just because it ain’t for some people don’t mean it’s not for everyone.
I’ve dated around a little bit and my fiancee was the first woman that I actually liked being around and tolerated my shit.
Wait, what makes you think I have failed with the second marriage?
I never said I got divorce twice, only married twice.
And further while I will freely admit that no, I am not happy in my marriage, the reasons for that unhappiness have relatively little to do with my relationship with my wife and far more to do with life doing it’s damndest to tear us apart with the Job (as in the biblical dude, not the workplace) treatment. The biggest issue I have with my wife is that she is coming down with creeping sjw disease
Feminism should be grounds for annulment.
I did threaten to divorce her the first time she accused me of mansplaining
Correction, it wasn’t a threat
As far as I can tell the stereotype that women dream about the wedding has some truth. I just didn’t care about most anything about the decorations, so I let her decide.
Since She was not a godless heathen the church offered the venue and a reception hall for free. The only thing I wanted but didn’t get was alcohol at the reception. But my family came, and had alcohol in their trunks so spent most of the time in the parking lot drinking. It cost a couple a thousand dollars all paid by the father of the bride. Score a point for tradition I guess, we didn’t have to start out with debt.
another reason I know I married well – my wife wanted us to get married in her house by a notary (which is legal in Florida). Spent about $100 on a cake and a few bottles of champagne, maybe another $100 in flowers, and $50 or so on a dress from a thrift store. All told, our wedding cost less than $500. Love that woman!
SP set ours up. We flew to Vegas (a city we both hate, but the laws were easier there), picked up the license, selected someone from the crowd of wedding chapel shills, went to the Allure Wedding Chapel (hilariously cheesy, right across the street from the muffler shop and next door to the bail bondsman storefront), got out in 15 minutes after doing our vows in front of Minister David, had pizza, went back to our room, Champagne and hot monkey sex, a nap, then prime seats for Penn and Teller. Then flew home. A perfect wedding.
I got married by a magistrate at the local court. Over with in 15 minutes. And later that weekend we had a party in the backyard with a keg and a bunch of food, My wife, to my delight, wasn’t really into the big wedding. Thank goodness.
There is an inverse correlation between cost of wedding and success of wedding.
As I get older I have a harder time looking at photos with skewed horizon lines.
Also would on the chubby ginger fellow provided he doesn’t have the Irish curse of course.
Alcoholism? Potato fetish?
Get woke, yo.
America not #1 in size? Trump needs to get on that. Make America Erect Again!
USA!USA!USA!
It’ll be huuuuuuuuuuuge!
Shush you, this is how you get Chinese Exclusion Acts.
Hey, it’s not my fault they bring down the national average.
What you talking about?
Trump is the biggest dick in the world!
Also pretty sure those stats are some sort of microaggression. Where’s the pyramid of woke-inter-sectional-grievances.
that’s only because Danny D lives in the UK now.
Not googling, cause I’m at work but I’m guessing pr0n star?
he doubles as a pinch-hitter
He’s not Irish is he? And I still remember when he was Matt Hughes and *only* did gay4pay work. Sigh. They grow up so fast.
born in UK (or thats what IMDB tells me), but has features that are glaringly, stereotypically paddy-ish.
I wasn’t really trying to undermine your scientific proof of the irish endowment-deficiency as much as have a laff about goofy looking white guys with horse cocks
goofy looking white guys with horse cocks
That’s a delightfully accurate description of him. I have some of his straight stuff as Danny D on hand just because occasionally someone will want straight porn on while they’re getting railed and I already knew who he was when I went looking for straight stuff.
I’m a little concerned about this in his resume: “Alone and Dripping (1991)” That’s gotta be a typo, right? He was born in ’87.
Perennial whiskey dick
Me, too
The Irish tend to be rather ill equipped in the genital department.
Now don’t make me beat you with my Shillelagh for that talk
Speaking of chubby, the bride’s arm circumference indicates she is really good at what’s she’s doing
Fat girls give the best. I’ll absolutely endorse that.
Fat girl + braces = ohdeargodwhy
Hey, look, just in this morning’s links we learned the dangers involved. Do you want to risk asphyxiation, Jesse? DO YOU?
Haha. I saw that in my news feed. I didn’t get a chance to play in the links this morning.
The perfect mate can breath through their ears.