The question is quite simple: Which is the worst band with the hottest female lead?

I’m going to limit the question to girl-fronted bands, not all-girl bands, not female singers with mostly anonymous session players backing them, or duos. Female lead singer, dudes in the rest of the band. And the question has a double axis: attractiveness of the lead singer and the general shittiness of the band as a whole, so a super-hot leader of a merely mediocre band doesn’t cut it. And I’m going to try judge both the girl and the band at what is generally considered their peak.

Some contenders:

Paramore / Hayley Williams

It’s hard to define Paramore’s sound, such as it is. They occupy a strange interzone of emo and pop that is, thankfully, almost completely dead as a sub-genre.

Pros: They seem fairly competent with their instruments, none of the boys feel the need to sing.

Con: The sound of the band is homogenized like 1% milk, first signed as essentially a gimmick band because the lead singer was 13 and the drummer was 12.

Least Believable Part of Their Wikipedia Page: “According to Williams, the name ‘Paramore’ came from the maiden name of the mother of one of their first bass players.”

Hayley Williams

She can actually sing, which is a relief from AutoTune. She’s a tiny little thing and flings herself around while the band plays. Her defining style is that she doesn’t really have one, going through hair colors and haircuts like the rest band does hair gel.

Pros: Slim and fit, a spinner at 5′ 2″, married at 26 (so someone must be able to put up with her.)

Cons: Practically boobless based on leaked nude, face gets less pretty the longer you look at it, wears thick makeup to hide Olmos-level bad skin, is straight edge and married to an older guy (also straight edge) who wouldn’t have passed the half-your-age+7 years test when they started dating.

Band Name: Misspelled. This will come up again.

BONUS OUTRAGE: Seems to be biting Poppy’s style lately!

 

Evanescence / Amy Lee

Formed at church camp, Amy Lee and Ben Moody’s Evanescence is frothy goth-pop for the Hot Topic set, with some very, very, very unfortunate nü-metal undertones.

Sharp-eared fans of crap will recognize this as their original contribution to the Ben Affleck Daredevil soundtrack…

Once again, it’s kind of a shame that Amy Lee can actually sing. The unresolved tension between (what one can assume) is Lee’s urge toward the operatic and the gothic and (what one can assume) is Moody’s desire to set the record straight about Fred Durst being an unheralded musical genius, has the unfortunate effect of making the band’s music into syphilitic ear mush.

Pros: Lee’s singing. That’s it.

Cons: see: syphilitic ear mush; favorite of Twilight fans everywhere

Possible Disqualifying Factor: Evanescence maybe a duo, despite the rest of the band, which seems to change around often.

Amy Lee

Pros: Those eyes, those boobs, dresses like the day manager of a Hot Topic

Cons: Weight seems to fluctuate often, married at 19 to a therapist who might have been 30 at the time (there are various birth years floating around the internet,) has a giant head, dresses like the day manager of a Hot Topic

Band Name: Not misspelled, just an archaic word, but it makes the band sound like a brand of flavored sparkling water.

 

The Pretty Reckless / Taylor Momsen

Sub-feckless Sheryl Crowe? Joni Mitchell and Axl Rose’s secret abortion? VH1 implosion? I really don’t know how to describe this crap.

A band that only exists because the lead singer was on a TV show, and got kicked off it for being a drunk mess at 15. She’s a Bret Easton Ellis short story come to life.

Pros: It might keep the kids off the H for a few months.

Cons: Listen to it.

Break It Down For Me: Three creepy old guys start a band with a jailbait TV actress. Somehow they still exist 7 years later.

Taylor Momsen

 

Pros: Hotter than the fires of a thousand dying suns, would be the girl worth it to get herpes from

Cons: Would definitely give you herpes, would require you to support her terrible music career, has more baggage than JFK at Christmas, probably stabby, inevitable relapse, will fuck your friends behind your back, possible suicide risk when she doesn’t get a call for the Gossip Girl Netflix reunion show

Band Name: An ironic comment on the lead singer. I like it.

 

Chvrches / Lauren Mayberry

The Scottish synth-pop band that autocorrect loves to hate.

Mayberry is not a very good singer and the music is the same sort of degraded synth-pop being pedaled since EMD invaded the clubs where white people dance.

Pros: It doesn’t go out of its way to be actively horrible, except for when they had the misplaced temerity to cover Bauhaus.

Cons: Pretty forgettable, like the soundtrack for a hip Danish airport terminal

Lauren Mayberry

Pros: Holy shit, she’s cute AF

Cons: Vegan, might actually be a magical wood elf, vegan, sounds dumber than Wynona Ryder in interviews (no mean feat), vegan, occasionally does this shit to her face, vegan, police would question you if you were out with her in public, vegan, might uncomfortably remind some of their favorite 12-year-old niece, vegan, is annoyingly woke, vegan

Bonus: Mention finding her hot to women in their 30s for an epic rant about the evils of “manic pixie dream girls.”

Band Name: Spell shit right, people. It was never cute.

 

Suggest more in the comments and please show your work.