Friday Morning Links

Did I call it, or did I call it? The basketball game last night was a predictable ass-kicking and the Celtics were rightfully humiliated by the Cavs.  And I mean hu-mil-i-a-ted. So now the NBA can get down to the playoff matchup everyone knew was coming and teams can sandbag more regular season games since playoff seeding and home court didn’t seem to matter to the two teams that were so much better than the rest of the league its laughable.

And then…there was hockey. That sport that one minute has fans jumping off the couch in excitement and rips their heart the next. That was a hell of a game for the neutral fan. The refs let them play and the goalies both had pretty damn good games. Its just that somebody had to win. And to the chagrin of Canadians everywhere, not to mention fans of every other NHL team, that “somebody” had to be the Penguins that hoisted the Prince of Wales trophy after scoring in the second overtime. But I can sure tell you the people in the NHL offices breathed a sigh of relief.  An Ottawa-Nashville Stanley Cup final would have gotten less viewership than a best of seven matchup between Rosie O’Donnell and Nancy Pelosi striptease competition.

Anyway, that’s all the sports news for today.  Sort of. The other, sports-related tale of misogyny and shitlording directed at a poor, widdle girl will follow shortly. Because its now time for…the links!

Greg Gianforte wins MT Special Election

Republican Congressional hopeful Greg Gianforte wins the special election a night after being charged with misdemeanor assault for allegedly body-slamming a reporter. He was way out in front and every media outlet in the nation has already called it. That reporter might as well give up and just start embracing political violence if this is how the world is gonna operate. No sense in getting just the facts. He, too, may as well embrace violence. What’s that you say? he apparently advocated for violence against political opponents 10 weeks ago? But that’s different, right? I mean, the violence he was advocating was against a 16 year old kid.

I guess WaPo and the NYT have too many resources invested in the Trumputin “impeachment investigation”, as WaPo literally called it this week, to investigate the avalanche of criminality happening at the FBI and other spy agencies under the Obama administration. Seriously, this is the biggest story in years and they’re just sitting there with a thumb up their collective ass as they grind that axe on the non-existent Russian collusion bullshit.  It’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.

Nice body…

OK, now the story that is somewhat related to sports. Just read it yourself. I won’t go into any more detail than to say that its retarded as shit. Everybody involved is retarded as shit. And now I feel retarded as shit for having contributed to its spread.

Um, why the hell is this news? “Hey, wanna see a dead guy?” might be in bad taste. It might even be a dubious plot device for a River Phoenix vehicle. But how is it disrespecting of remains? You want to disrespect the remains of Glenn? Then piss into his dead eye sockets, the big government piece of shit that he was. But just pulling open the tray his body is resting on doesn’t count, sorry. (Wait, why were my tax dollars being wasted to keep this guy on ice for four months anyway? Just so he could have a more showy funeral? Even in death, eh John?)

Hey dumbass. Learn to read.

You gotta have faith. No, its not that song. Give me more credit than that.

Comments

626 responses to “Friday Morning Links”

  1. UnCivilServant

    Random rambling tangent time I guess.

    If I measure difficulty in terms of number of times I had to rip out a block of text and take a different tack, then Omnirunner was the hardest story to write. It is also, however, one of the most well-liked entries based on reader feedback. So I’ve been working on continuing the story past the point it left off. The trend of requiring frequent rewinds and rewrites has continued.

    I once remarked that Dan, the narrator of that story, was a fun character to write for. But if he’s so fun to write for, why are stories he narrates so difficult to write?

    I’ve come to realize it’s because of his voice. If I sit down and just write a first-person narrator, they will tend to sound like Travis. This is good for Travis’ books, but a problem when writing for Dan, who has a very different set of mannerisms and style of address. A contriguting factor is trying to keep the interplay of characters and plotlines consistant with the feel of the reference point already published.

    But the results are sometimes worth it.

    The whole reason I wandered down this tangent was because the editing is done on Shadowrealm and the work left over is mostly in the hands of the cover artist. So I’ve been sifting through my active projects, adding bits and pieces as I try to decide which project to tackle next. The long version of Omnirunner came into contention because I already have cover art for that one, should I finish it…

    (Yes, I did specifically ask for an homage to Miami Vice as a stylistic influence in that piece)

    PS, I’m on the road as of tomorrow and may not be around to snark at people until I return to the day job in two weeks. I’m sure you won’t notice.

    1. UnCivilServant

      Clearly the prof was a racist for objecting to discriminating against people based on race.

    2. straffinrun

      Well, F*** you, JD. Nobody cares what you think. Am I doing this right?

      1. JD

        Apparently.

        *Runs away sobbing*

        1. straffinrun

          Abe would’ve stayed and fought. Damn whippersnappers!

          1. JD

            Get off my lawn!

    3. WTF

      Bret Weinstein, a biology professor at the university, sent out an email criticizing the purpose of this year’s “Day Of Absence” event where, unlike in the past, white students and faculty members were asked to leave campus to give space to people of color.

      Traditionally, the annual event is characterized by people of color leaving the campus to show their contribution to the campus, while white students and faculty members are attending anti-racism workshops.

      I’ll take a wild guess that nobody noticed any downside to their absence, so they need to change it up. Although the result likely won’t be what they were hoping for.

      1. TripodKat

        while white students and faculty members are attending anti-racism workshops.

        They’re probably wondering how these students got so radicalized in the first place… dumbasses.

      2. mr simple

        What? I’m sure everyone missed both students of color at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington.

        1. Somalian Road Corporation

          10.7% of the student body is disabled? Also, I like how there are three different racial makeup charts, to really display the identity politics obsession.

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Debate means you are trying to win, dialectic means you are using disagreement to discover what is true. I am not interested in debate. I am only interested in dialectic, which does mean I listen to you, and you listen to me.”

      I guess that depends on which school of dialectic you subscribe to. They seem pretty familiar with some of the later versions.

    5. Chipwooder

      It’s Evergreen State. That place makes Berkeley look like Bob Jones U in comparison.

      1. Somalian Road Corporation

        Truly? Boy, that’s a ringing endorsement.

  2. ChipsnSalsa

    Abe denies involvement in school land deal

    Yasunori Kagoike, head of Osaka-based Moritomo Gakuen, alleged in Diet testimony that the name of first lady Akie Abe may have been instrumental in making a cut-price land deal possible and repeated claims that she donated ¥1 million in person to the school in the prime minister’s name.

    Who know what other politician was involved in shady land deals?

    1. The sheriff of Nottingham?

      1. *opera applause*

    2. UnCivilServant

      Lex Luthor?

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Damn near every local politician everywhere ever.

      1. UnCivilServant

        You didn’t answer in the form of a question. Haven’t you palyed before?

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          Do I get to spin the wheel now?

          1. WTF

            “These people are annoying”
            Would you like to solve the puzzle?

          2. UnCivilServant

            “GLIBERTARIANS!”

          3. TripodKat

            Naggers?

    4. Hammercorps

      Senator Joseph Paine?

    5. Every major Illinois politician in the 1990s?

    6. DOOMco

      Trump?

    7. Juice

      But, isn’t he known as good old honest Abe?

  3. PieInTheSKy

    ‘Mattress Girl’ Emma Sulkowicz Is Back—And Channeling Her Rage Through BDSM

    https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/mattress-girl-emma-sulkowicz-is-backand-channeling-her-rage-through-bdsm?utm_source=broadlytwitterus

    Somewhat NSFW I guess – matres girl in bikini and whatnot

    “Two years after “Mattress Performance,” Emma Sulkowicz continues to provoke. Her most recent piece, in which she was bound, berated, and hung from the ceiling, tackles the question of the value of art under the Trump administration. ” – The value of art totally changed in the last 6 months

    “My body already carries material in it just because of the way I look, it’s embedded in my skin,” Sulkowicz explained. “White men have the privilege of entire institutions built for their paintings… These paintings are very often abstract. You have people like Pollock splattering a bunch of shit and then saying it’s art. It doesn’t say anything political and in fact, that actual political statement it does say is: ‘I’m a white man and I can do whatever the fuck I want and make a ton of money off of it.’”

    Everybody’s an art critic these days …

    1. Pat

      ‘I’m a white man and I can do whatever the fuck I want and make a ton of money off of it.’

      Maybe I’ll make a false rape accusation and carry a bed roll around with me, if it’s that easy.

      1. PieInTheSKy

        Well how do you explain that every single white man is filthy rich?

        1. WTF

          Tricknology?

          1. SHHHH!!!! You will give it away!

    2. UnCivilServant

      We knew she was broken, but instead of getting the mental help she so dearly needs, she keeps doing this kind of crap.

      Look, if you want to do this behind closed doors, fine. Just don’t do it in public and claim it’s “Art”. Pollack wasn’t art, and neither are you.

      1. Old Man With Candy

        Pollack was art. Not even a question there. Emma… not so much.

        1. Tundra

          Uh oh. Art wars incoming.

          *puts on helmet*

          1. I just came for the dumb Pollack jokes. I have a feeling I’m gonna be disappointed.

        2. straffinrun

          Your saying if Emma had just had the rape sheets framed, it would’ve been art?

        3. UnCivilServant

          Pollack was a fraud. The only thing remarkable about his career was the fact that he had a career and was able to convince people to buy drop cloths.

          1. Old Man With Candy

            I’ve seen people say the same thing about Picasso. “My 5 year old could do that.” Great, get her crackin’.

          2. UnCivilServant

            You can debate Picasso as a matter of taste, and from the evidence of his early career, he could do less-garbled work should he have chosen.

            But people have fooled people with fake Pollack splatters because there is nothing in them.

          3. Old Man With Candy

            That tells you more about the “people” than about the art.

          4. UnCivilServant

            Thank you.

          5. UnCivilServant

            *my thank you was to tundra.

          6. UnCivilServant

            OMWC – my general rule on judging a stance on art is thus – if your argument could be swapped for that of the tailors in “The Emperor’s New Clothes” and not require substantial re-writes, it’s time to think about what’s being sold – art or bull

          7. Ok, I’m clearing the whole thing up here and now.
            Art is whatever the artist calls “art”. That doesn’t mean it’s worthy of adoration or disdain, profit or loss. It merely labels it for what it is: the creative expression of a person.
            There’s plenty of “art” that I wouldn’t buy or waste my time going to see. But that doesn’t diminish what it is to its creator.

          8. UnCivilServant

            Old Man With Candy on May 26, 2017 at 7:54 am

            Get your 5 year old to do this.

            I’m not sure what’s up, but that link comes out as a blank page. If that was the joke that’s one thing, but if there was something there then my work internet isn’t liking it.

          9. Tundra

            You’re welcome, but I’m a Picasso fan, too.

            And Miro.

            Art is cool.

          10. Count Potato

            I’m thinking this might not be the first time OMWC tried to encourage a five-year-old.

          11. Old Man With Candy

            Love Miro. He was just gender-confused by his first name.

          12. mr simple

            You’ve obviously never seen a Pollack in person. It’s a completely different experience to seeing on a page or computer screen. You might not understand his work or want to take the time to understand it, but that doesn’t mean you get to define what art is or call him a fraud and have your opinion respected. It just makes you sound uneducated.

          13. UnCivilServant

            Actually, Mr Simple, I have – and several Mondrians. That is hat convinced me that these people did not deserve the accodlades rained upon them.

          14. UnCivilServant

            *I know Mondrian’s works are all very orderly and thus a stark contrast to the chaos of Pollack.

            They’re still not anything to rave about.

          15. Akira

            Agreed.

            I’m not going to pretend that I have a concrete definition of what is art and what isn’t, but if just about anyone can create an imitation that is indistinguishable from a genuine article, there’s something wrong.

          16. wdalasio

            Mr. Simple, I’ve seen Pollacks in person. I’m still not terribly impressed. And there isn’t any meaning there. The whole point of abstract expressionism was that it wasn’t conscious.

          17. WTF

            If you could get the “art” curators and other gate keepers to go along with it, by convincing them with some jargonistic bullshit, you actually could be successful selling amateurish crap. If the “right people” proclaim something to be “art”, suddenly it becomes valuable.

          18. UnCivilServant

            That’s a big problem I have.

            I’m not going to go on a rant if someone says “I like the way this splatter painting looks and I’m going to keep it on my wall” that’s one thing. But giving it the official stamp of “real art” is what sticks in the craw. Especially when the gatekeepers trot out condescending claptrap to justify their purchases.

          19. FreeSociety

            An extremely talented artist friend of mine had a hard time getting into the Southern Californian art school of his choice, with his hand painted Rembrandt homages or his photo-accurate neo-classical oil paintings. They told him that he was talented but it’s not what they were looking for, so they asked him to resubmit a portfolio with “real artisitic merit”. So he took a peak at what was hanging on the walls in the lobby outside of the dean’s office. He re-submitted a portfolio with some post-modernist paint splatters and crudely drawn renderings of everyday objects. They loved it.

            That’s kind of an indication of what is considered high art nowadays, it’s almost a bad thing to be genuinely talented.

          20. WTF

            And that’s a big problem I have with current art. The gatekeepers insist on celebrating and elevating the crude while denigrating the skilled. It’s a pretty good metaphor for the state of Western culture in general under the thumb of the left.

          21. FreeSociety

            Somewhere in the leftist bible it says “the weak, mediocre, untalented, unsuccessful entitled losers shall inherit the Earth.”

          22. robc

            The gatekeepers insist on celebrating and elevating the crude while denigrating the skilled

            Wasnt that part of the plot of The Fountainhead.

          23. Akira

            FreeSociety:

            “That’s kind of an indication of what is considered high art nowadays, it’s almost a bad thing to be genuinely talented.”

            I think the same thing is going on with modern poetry. Case in point: Ern Malley.

          24. wdalasio

            One of my favorite stories about the art world is that, when Andy Warhol died, the executors of his will found that he collected Old Masters in his personal residence.

          25. wdalasio

            I think there is a bit of a difference. Picasso was making artistic points with a lot of his work. Pollack’s own philosophy said abstract expressionism was inherently unconscious.

      2. Rasilio

        Oh I know quite a few people who enjoy doing it in public and in every city there are a handful of venues dedicated to providing a space for such activities but no one calls it art

      3. wdalasio

        We knew she was broken

        Is she though? It strikes me that this crap from her has managed to get her a national podium.

        Maybe one day, she’ll come out and admit that the whole spiel was just a joke on progressives, getting them to celebrate idiocy as brilliance and acting out as art. Now, to me, that really would constitute great performance art. She could label the exhibition of the whole thing The Art of the Troll.

        Sort of like the Italian artist who sold a can of his own poop to the art world.

    3. Slammer

      Would. Still would after all those Mattress Miles

      1. Count Potato

        There is a difference between brave and foolhardy.

        1. straffinrun

          She’s only cried “wolf” once. Let her do it one more time before going in there.

        2. Slammer

          No guts No glory

          1. UnCivilServant

            No guts, No gory.

      2. PieInTheSKy

        I mean if she weren’t crazy. Like a woman who looks like that but isn’t her. I would.

      3. Vhyrus

        I came here to say this. Crazy is the highest grade of aphrodisiac apparently.

    4. WTF

      “My body already carries material in it just because of the way I look, it’s embedded in my skin,” Sulkowicz explained. “White men have the privilege of entire institutions built for their paintings…

      Wait, Sulkowicz isn’t (((white)))?
      (Did I do that right?)

      1. Count Potato

        It’s just cultural Marxist jibber-jabber. Take words like “white”, “privilege”, “institution”, and put them with other words to make a sentence. That makes softcore porn, “art” and “political”.

      2. Old Man With Candy

        Asian.

        But if you see her PornHub video, you’ll likely find out that her body does indeed carry material. White gooey material.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          Haven’t seen it but it sounds like the poor girl may have had a sinus infection.

        2. WTF

          Ah, so she’s (((Asian))).

        3. Chipwooder

          of course, from the famous Sulkowicz clan of Manila!

    5. Stinky Wizzleteats

      She should give Vivid Video a call. I’m sure they’d be more than happy to pay her well for her art.

    6. Rufus the Monocled

      She’s just playing out her fantasies and blaming others or things for it.

      I would love to know what her mental status is.

      Also. I hope she cut no funding. Just in case, cut the budget.

    7. PBRstreetgang

      Her parents are both psychiatrists, which I think explains much about her.

      1. Somalian Road Corporation

        Yeah, I remember reading and nodding to that little factoid a while back.

      2. Number.6

        I suspect she was informed of her ‘specialness’ regularly.

    8. Hammercorps

      Dear lord, they’re apologizing for misgendering people now?

    9. FreeSociety

      “White men have the privilege of entire institutions built for their paintings…

      Even if this were true, which it’s not, whats’s the problem? If I move to Japan, should I be outraged that they have entire institutions built for the display of the art work of Japanese men? If white privilege is a real thing, the most universal characteristic of this scourge is that everywhere it happens, society is opened up to opportunities for non-whites without limit. So limitless in fact that professional non-white race baiters lacking in all perspective, like Sulkowicz, get vociferous applause and national acclaim just for lacking all perspective while race baiting. So brave.

    10. Suthenboy

      “My body already carries material in it just because of the way I look”

      She is a spunky girl.

      *seriously, who would be stupid enough to even let their dick get within a hundred yards of this loon?

      1. Vhyrus

        *Looks around, meekly raises hand*

        …I have a problem.

      2. I mean, if I knew absolutely nothing about her and she didn’t really talk, I’m not going to sit here and say I wouldn’t. Besides, this is nothing I haven’t seen at Bound back in the day, it’s just better lit and seemingly without $2 rail drinks.

    11. mr simple

      Her most recent piece, in which she was bound, berated, and hung from the ceiling, tackles the question of the value of art under the Trump administration.

      Oh, is that what it does?

      Here was a woman demanding accountability and justice from a society that allows and perpetrates sexual violence.

      I don’t think these people really understand what that kind of society is really like.

      A crowd slowly formed around the artist and her set, including a college-aged girl wearing a handmade T-shirt the read “Team Emma.”

      Everything is about teams with these people.

      1. WTF

        Here was a woman demanding accountability and justice from a society that allows and perpetrates sexual violence.

        She was demanding accountability and justice from the Muslim world?

      2. Akira

        “tackles the question of the value of art under the Trump administration.”

        Good god, are they still throwing a tendie-fit about the cuts to arts funding?

        I don’t think it was ever the government’s job to promote arts and culture by handing out wads of cash, but whatever – for the sake of argument, let’s suppose that it wasn’t such a stupid idea several decades ago. Is it really necessary today, when even poor people can afford high-speed Internet? You can get on the Internet and listen to the works of Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Handel, and tons of other composers for free. You can watch the most noteworthy operas and plays for free. You can find a shitload of classic literature in the public domain for free. You can look at high-definition images of famous paintings for free.

        Face it, progtards… The world has changed. Arts and culture will not wither and die if the government isn’t handing out wads of cash.

  4. ChipsnSalsa

    Hey dumbass. Learn to read.

    Looked at the picture on the package and my first thought that some marketing person thought it would be fun to repackage a jelly bean as a “sport bean”.

    1. Tundra

      Well, sports drinks are basically non-carbonated sodas, protein bars are candy bars with added protein and ‘coffee coolers’ are milkshakes, so there is a precedent.

      People are weird.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Cytomax bitches!

    2. Nephilium

      The sport beans aren’t terrible. They have added vitamins and electrolytes, which you need for endurance events, and they come in resealable packets (which can be helpful). Thinking that any of the sports foods/gels/chews don’t have sugar means you are dumb beyond dumb. They are basically nothing but sugar, salt, vitamins and some flavoring.

      1. TripodKat

        Bingo. Granted, a lot of these things are just terrible for you unless you are very dedicated to your training. Out of the 10 protein bar pacakges at my local grocery store, only 1 has a decent carb to protein ratio — unfortunately its also the one with the least amount of calories, which is too bad because I struggle to eat enough calories while keeping my macros where I want them to be.

        1. Nephilium

          I use them when my bike rides are pushing the 25+ mile range. Anything shorter, I’m good just grabbing a snack when I get home. At that point, I’m just looking for easy carbs to allow me to keep riding. I was hoping to get a good 70 mile day in this weekend, but it looks like rain will prevent that.

  5. Count Potato

    I’m going to need more Aly Raisman pics in order to evaluate her musculature. And some hand lotion. Because science.

    1. You ought to get some Mckayla Maroney pics too. You know, for a comparison.

      1. Count Potato

        I see you are familiar with doing research.

        1. We are all honorary PhD’s around here.

    2. Slammer

      Only you can Prevent Prostate Cancer

    3. Tundra

      She blinded me – with Science!

      1. PBRstreetgang

        Its poetry in motion

    4. Chipping Pioneer

      That’s not Aly Raisman; that’s a man, baby!

      1. ScoobaSteve

        She looks like Anthony Keidus circa 1996.

  6. Slammer

    I’ve gotta Jelly Belly Woman,

    But she don’t know how to read

    I’ve gotta Jelly Belly Woman

    She sho nuff doesnt read

    Get herself a fancy lawyer

    Now she sho nuff gonna bleed

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Sing ‘Jelly Bean Woman’ to Kiss’s ‘Hard luck woman’. At around noon you will all be cursing Rufus.

      1. Why wait until then?

      2. Lachowsky

        Fuck you, Rufus

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          “….baby ’til you find your man…you’ll be a Jelly bean woman…”

          1. Yusef drives a Kia

            I read it as Jelly Belly Woman, oh and Fuck you Rufus, nice earworm

  7. WTF

    Raisman didn’t say where or when the airport exchange took place.

    The TSA issued a statement Thursday saying that it conducts screenings at security checkpoints for travelers departing from U.S. or U.S territory airports, and that it appears Raisman was traveling from a foreign airport.

    It says it has reached out to her via Twitter for more details and that if the situation took place at one of its checkpoints, it will “look into this further.”

    So, either a foreign airport or it didn’t actually happen.

    1. Certified Public Asshat

      An Olympic athlete cannot take a stupid comment from an airport employee.

      She looks the worst in all of this.

      1. Chipping Pioneer

        Yeah, I read this as: airport security guy is a dick; snowflake triggered.

      2. The Last American Hero

        If it was a TSA pervert, I will be outraged.

  8. Pat

    Getting rich has more to do with luck than talent

    People, particularly rich people, like to think getting rich takes skill and grit. But nobody creates wealth out of the ether, says social geographer Danny Dorling.

    1. UnCivilServant

      Danny makes this claim because he’s a failure at making money. So he whines and makes up a comfortable fantasy where those other guys got rich because they were lucky, and no other reason at all. That last part is the only way he sleeps at night knowing his failures are his own damn fault.

      1. Pat

        His main thesis is that millionaires were all born into wealth accumulated across generations. Which, A) so fucking what, and B) is completely untrue.

        1. UnCivilServant

          There was an old saying “Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations” which describes the pattern of family wealth. Generation 1 earns a fortune. Generation 2 sepnds a fortune. Generation 3 might be lucky to have anything left. Generation 4 definately has to work for a living. Inherited wealth does not linger indefinately. Especially if the person who inherited it is not capable of making it work for them.

          1. The numerous small and medium businesses I worked with that were having trouble went like:

            First generation builds it, second saw/lived through this and continued growth or at least maintained….third pissed it away because they saw it as an entitlement or piggy bank (“the dissolute heirs”).

          2. UnCivilServant

            That may have been the more accurate ‘three generations’. I remember the waying but sometimes flub the pattern.

          3. straffinrun

            Shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves (in three generations).

    2. PieInTheSKy

      “The UK suffers from the highest levels of income inequality in Europe – partly because of the delusions of its rich” – right there is real cause and effect there.

      In truth, no one creates wealth out of the ether as the mythic phrase “wealth creator” suggests. Most wealth is appropriated from others, not made. – right wealth just exists and is appropriated. Jesus there’s a lot of stupid there

      1. Can somebody please tell me why income inequality is a bad thing? Isn’t it better to be in the fourth quintile in America, where there is great income inequality, than in the second quintile in Cuba where there is very little income inequality?
        Income inequality is what drives people to work harder and succeed at life. It should be revered, not vilified.

        1. UnCivilServant

          Don’t you know, it’s better if the poor were poorer so long as the rich were less rich

          /UK Libs.

          1. Stinky Wizzleteats

            Not just the U.K. When Saint Castro croaked that line was being thrown around here too.

            Relative wealth is far more important to leftists than absolute wealth. If everyone (except them) was dirt poor they’d be fine with it.

        2. Pat

          The cause of the inequality is an important qualifier. Income and wealth inequality by themselves are neither good nor bad, they just are. If the inequality is resultant of unequal distribution of talent, skills, and fortune in a more or less open market place then there’s no reasonable objection to it. If the inequality is resultant of a central authority stealing from its citizenry for the benefit of themselves or others, then that’s not kosher. Ironically enough, most of the people most strenuously concerned with wealth and/or income inequality favor the latter at the expense of the former.

          1. robc

            Best part is the end:

            Never in my life, even before I was exposed to economics, did I worry about income or wealth ‘inequality.’ And whenever I encounter complaints about income or wealth inequality I confess to being completely put off by those who so complain. Such complaints come across to me as evidence of childishness, ignorance, and incivility. I’m as put off by those who do such complaining as I would be by encountering a man who publicly complains that his neighbor’s daughter got accepted into a college more prestigious than the one his own daughter attends, or who publicly bemoans the fact that his co-worker’s wife is prettier than his own. Civilized people just do not behave so immaturely and rudely.

        3. WTF

          Especially since in America the quintile anybody is in tends to change over time. People move up as they gain experience, skills, etc.

        4. WTF

          Can somebody please tell me why income inequality is a bad thing?

          Envy. They try to dress it up with convoluted arguments, but that’s the bottom line.

          1. Lachowsky

            You nailed it. Leftists would rather everyone be poor than see another above their station.

          2. TripodKat

            Everyone except them, of course, they’re smart enough to make the rules. Why would you ever want to take away their wealth?

        5. A Leap at the Wheel

          Two reasons:

          1) There are some goods that there can never be more of. Land, generally, they aren’t making more of. Some types of art, some goods and services that have particular value because the are the ‘best’ or ‘biggest’ or whatevever. For example, the ‘best’ lawyer, or ball player, or lobbying group, or private security. Your lawyer may only be 1% better than then next best guy, but if that means you can parlay that into victory in winner-take-all scenarios (of which lawsuits, ball games, lobbying for favors, and violent conflict all are), the inequality that allows the hiring of the best talent makes it harder for the #2 guy to claw their way to the top. And the #2 guy clawing his way to the top is usually very, very good for everyone else (ie the biggest market player is rarely the one innovating for tomorrow).

          2) With enough inequality, the haves will twist the structure of society toward protectionism, cronyism, etc.

          Which isn’t to say inequality is always bad. And I’m not saying THERE AUTA BE A LAW because the medicine on offer are always worse than the disease. But when we do things like.. say tying school funding to a non expandable resource (land), its a real bad deal above and beyond government provisioning of school funding in the first place.

          1. kbolino

            tying school funding to a non expandable resource (land)

            To the extent schools are locally funded and that funding is somehow a fixed ratio of local tax revenue*, school funding is tied to property, not land. That’s an important distinction, because while the number of square miles of land in a township/district/county/whatever is unchanging, the value of the property that land is divided into is not.

            * = Neither of these assumptions hold up in reality. Schools receive substantial funding from the state in most states, and from the Feds. Local governments can and do adjust how much funding schools get even when gross tax revenues are fairly stable.

            The other issues you talk about generally require extreme income inequality to metastasize like you describe, i.e. a small handful of people controlling the vast majority of income/wealth, which is a condition that has only really existed in absolute monarchies and dictatorships.

          2. kbolino

            Addendum: monarchies, dictatorships, or places with widespread legal slavery.

          3. A Leap at the Wheel

            For the school issue, the geographic funding of schools means that enrollment of schools is bounded by that tax area. Therefore, to attend a school, you must move into the school district. This inflates the housing prices in that school district. Inflated housing prices aren’t a problem when they reflect the fundamentals of the area (ie its ok when city life is expensive because land in cities can be put to high use). But inflated housing prices due to arbitrary choices of government is a problem.

            Doesn’t every great suburban school district in wealthy suburbia have one or two ‘low-rent’ apartment complexes that are still expensive compared to comps just on the other side of the school district line? (Example for the MN contingent – Edina has one of those).

            For the other issue, is your suggestions that in 201x in the US, banks, unions, and very large corporations don’t distort the operation of government in a way that’s bad for most citizens?

          4. kbolino

            For the other issue, is your suggestions that in 201x in the US, banks, unions, and very large corporations don’t distort the operation of government in a way that’s bad for most citizens?

            You have it backwards (at least, in terms of primary mover). It is the government that distorts the operation of banks, unions, corporations, and other (nominally) private organizations in a way that’s bad for most citizens. What you’re talking about is mostly a feedback effect from what I’m talking about.

            As to the geographic bounding of schools, I would agree that it’s not a great way to do things. But governments are not purely arbitrary, especially at the local level. People move based on many factors, but quality (perceived or actual) of government and government institutions are among them. A smaller voter pool means votes don’t wash out as much in aggregate. Those are two important factors that drive accountability and representation.

          5. ruodberht

            Transactional lawyers exist.

        6. mr simple

          Because the left is primarily composed of children trying hard at “adulting” and are full of childish notions of fairness learned in preschool.

    3. Slammer

      “But nobody creates wealth out of the ether, says social geographer

      The irony, it burns

      1. His paycheck seems to appear from the aether…

    4. PieInTheSKy

      Anyway even if luck plays some part – and I don’t think many deny this – what of it? And I say that as definitely not a rich guy. I have no problem with honest wealth in others. State cronyism is a much bigger issue with wealth than not enough taxes in poor under-taxed Britain.

      1. WTF

        Also, luck tends to play a part for people who are willing to be risk-takers. Risk-taking tends to be a big part of becoming wealthy as well.

        1. robc

          Its the entrepreneurial paradox. On average, they earn less than if they worked a regular job instead of going out on their own. But they do it trying to hit big. Or because they enjoy working for themselves.

          I have started two companies, one successful and one not. But even with the successful one, I made less over a dozen years than I would have made if I had stayed with my old job. The good years were really good, but the bad years offset the average. But still totally worth it.

          1. WTF

            And if your company had taken off and you had become the founder of a wildly successful company, you would have been “lucky:, so it it would be fine to confiscate ever bigger percentages of your earnings. Because “fairness”.
            Never mind the ridiculously hard work, long hours, and risky investment you put into it.

    5. straffinrun

      But nobody creates wealth out of the ether

      Somebody better tell Yellin.

    6. PieInTheSKy

      Those who make money are often not very talented at all. They were just lucky at the right points in their lives. They might have worked hard and often are driven and greedy, but thousands of others will have worked as hard as them, been just as greedy as them, and not consistently struck it lucky. – Lots of claims with no evidence. Also just because two people work eqaully hard and make different money does not mean automatically luck is involved. Ok I’m done. It’s like a concentrated clishee of stupid left talking points

      there is also the classic “unfair advantages to start with, such as being born male, white”

      1. Old Man With Candy

        “Chance favors the prepared mind.”

        1. That’s easy for you to say, honkey.

        2. Lachowsky

          “luck favors the bold”

          That’s what I was taught.

          1. LT_Fish

            Who Dares Wins

      2. WTF

        Yeah, those white males, with the benefits of affirmative action, white male set-asides, college admittance quotas, etc. etc. All unfair advantages.

        1. straffinrun

          You joke, but imagine if you’re a butt ugly, midget from a crack mom and hearing “Privilege!” just because of your skin. It’s so damn crazy.

          1. WTF

            Look, the son of white Appalachian coal miners is more privileged than the daughter of black Manhattan opthamologists.

          2. DOOMco

            my life is better than the obama girls, any nba player or family, or black actor.
            It’s also clearly better than my woman doctors, or again, literally any actress.
            Its so obvious.

          3. WTF

            So you suffer from being subjected to Male Gaze? Ha! I thought not!

    7. Rufus the Monocled

      Didn’t read but I think everyone knows luck is part of the equation. Ever hear of luck = preparation + opportunity? Luck plays a role in sports too. How many times we hear that team ‘got lucky’? Sometimes it’s more accurate than not and vice-versa. Total dominance of a game but losing is not always unlucky; it just means you didn’t execute and that possibly you suck. A team that exploits its opportunities are not weak especially if done by design and can be perceived as lucky; but in the end they got it done. No one gives a shit about the little incidences throughout a game that may or may not have impacted anything; they care about results.

      Same with entrepreneurs.

      Danny Oxford, if he’s claiming it’s all luck, would be so lucky to suck my dick.

      1. Exactly. It’s very damn rare to have someone accidentally give you $10 million without your involvement or knowledge. Most of what this guy is calling luck is really people who have put themselves in a position to take advantage of opportunities when they arise and who are capable of spotting them when they do.

    8. Rasilio

      While he is a moron there is a nugget of truth we must acknowledge lest we be just as dumb.

      Luck is an essential element to becoming “rich”.

      Hard work, determination, and making good life choices all help but none of those, or even all of those are sufficient to guarantee wealth and wealth can come without any of them (ex. the Cash me outside girl).

      That said hard work, determination, and good life choices WILL guarantee that you will not be impoverished for any significant periods of time (temporary setbacks are always a possibility) and they act as a force multiplier to the forces of good luck and an oppositional force to bad luck. The actual value of these things is not in that they are a path to wealth but that they are a path out of poverty and by focusing on the rich they can make the argument that the protestant values of hard work are a fraud because we can all point to examples of people who followed those precepts and did not become wealthy and others who clearly became wealthy through pure luck. This acts as a distraction and makes it so they don’t have to engage with the question of what causes long term endemic poverty where a lack of hard work, determination, and good life choices are always at the top of the list of causes.

      1. WTF

        Statistically it’s actually quite easy to avoid poverty. In general, you finish High School, you don’t have kids out of wedlock, and you don’t get married before you are 23 or 24. Add in a little work ethic and some ability for delayed gratification, and you will not be poor.

        1. UnCivilServant

          That’s asking a lot of some people (and I know these people for whom all of those except not being married young are a problem)

        2. Rasilio

          Well temporary poverty is a fact of life. You are going to have your economic ups and downs but yes, avoiding long term poverty is quite easy as you say. Even things like having kids out of wedlock or getting married young are irrelivant, simply living within your means, having a strong work ethic, and even a modicum of drive to improve your job skills and options will guarantee you will not be poor for more than short periods of time.

          That is why proggies always talk about those traits in response to the rich, it allows them to denigrate the traits and provides cover to the actual long term poor

          1. Number.6

            Typical – white cis-male trots out Protestant Work Ethic and Nuclear Family as his excuses for amassed generational wealth and privilege.

            Shitlord.

          2. Rasilio

            I apologize, you are correct. I shall report to the gender reassignment camp post haste

          3. WTF

            Yeah, when I was young and first entering the work force I was pretty poor, make crap money, drove a crap car that I had to keep fixing myself because I couldn’t afford a mechanic, had to have room mates, etc. etc. But I amassed skills and experience, never spent money I didn’t have, and moved up the food chain.

    9. mr simple

      His proof for the claim that more equal societies have higher wealth growth rates, which is false depending on how you define wealth, is a link to his book. The blurb claims:

      The Equality Effect is almost magical. In more equal countries, human beings are generally happier and healthier, there is less crime, more creativity and higher educational attainment. Danny Dorling delivers all evidence that is now so overwhelming that it should be changing politics and society all over the world.

      There’s also a quote that says his proof is irrefutable. Just like Pikkety I’m sure. I almost want to read it just to see and refute his claims.

  9. straffinrun

    The court isn’t the only oversight body to disclose recent concerns that the FBI’s voluntary system for policing its behavior and self-disclosing mistakes hasn’t been working.

    Oversight body=anyone not delusional.

  10. Pat

    Muslim man sues Little Caesars, claiming ‘halal’ was a lie in Dearborn

    A Muslim man is suing Little Caesars for $100 million after he says he was served and then accidentally ate pepperoni made with pork, a food prohibited by Islamic law.

    1. Slammer

      Didn’t he read the pizza?

    2. UnCivilServant

      He should be awarded the amount of money he paid for the ‘pizza’ then be requried to pay little caesar’s legal fees.

    3. You guys can complain, but he does have a valid suit if they advertised it as halal when it wasn’t.
      And while no fan of punitive damages, this seems like a case where if they knowingly advertised it wrongfully to increase their business in Dearbornistan, they should be in the hook for more than the $5 he paid.

      1. Pat

        Presuming his story is accurate and that it was deliberate, then sure. The article says McDonald’s settled a similar claim a few years ago for $700k. Which is higher than most wrongful death settlements, for a bit of perspective. $100 million? Give me a break.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          In McDonalds’s case, they didn’t even make the claim, the doofus assumed the fries were vegetarian.

          1. WTF

            And in a sane world his claim would have been thrown right out with him being forced to pay McD’s legal fees.

          2. Old Man With Candy

            Let me know when you find that sane world. Inhabited by female libertarians, of course.

          3. Mad Scientist

            If the multiverse theory is correct, such a place exists. I gotta invent that portal gun!

          4. thom

            This is the case involving the Hindus who began eating McDonald’s fries after McDonald’s publicly announced that they were switching to cooking their fries with beef fat to 100% vegetable oil?

      2. PBRstreetgang

        If he’s in state court, goes to trial and gets the Dearborn jury pool (the key obviously), he’ll get a lot more than $700k.

      3. Drake

        They also advertise their products as “pizza”.

        1. Juice

          Little Caesar’s is better than Pizza Hut and Domimoes.

          1. Drake

            Low praise indeed.

          2. thom

            Dominoes has gotten a lot better in the last few years. Pizza Hut is the worst. Toppers is even worse than Pizza Hut.

        2. Mike Schmidt

          That’s what they should be sued for

    4. Rufus the Monocled

      Hey, he got off lucky. At least it wasn’t deep dish.

      /ducks.

      1. *flings Giordano’s deep dish at Rufus*

      2. Nephilium

        Did you miss the fact that it was Little Caesars?

        1. WTF

          That’s not actually pizza, either. Anyone who eats Little Caesar’s has no case complaining about food quality.

      3. WTF

        Of course it wasn’t deep dish. They said “pizza”.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          Bless you.

  11. Tundra

    Give me more credit than that.

    Thanks for not going there. That fucking song creates ear worms that can only be killed with a hammer drill.

    And, so as not to fuck up your next offering, I will refrain from linking any related acts.

    1. straffinrun

      Don’t tell sloop, but that’s the first one I listened all the way through.

      1. UnCivilServant

        I don’t have audio at work – so I haven’t listened to any.

        1. Tundra

          You probably would have hated it.

          I like the morning music. I use it to determine the genre for the rest of the day.

          1. Pat

            You probably would have hated it.

            UnCiv? Surely you jest.

          2. Tundra

            I never jest.

            And don’t call me Shirley.

          3. Damn. Way to pile on the pressure.

            I hoped the morning music would be a force for good. So far it seems to have only irritated a few people on a few occasions.

    2. Lachowsky

      I don’t know. Limp Biscuit cover faith when I was a young teenager and I liked it. I doubt I would like it now, but it does bring nostalgia.

  12. Pat

    Grown Men Upset By Movie Theater Offering Women-Only Screening Of ‘Wonder Woman’

    An Austin-based movie theater has angered men for offering a women-only screening of the upcoming “Wonder Woman” film.

      1. UnCivilServant

        I find Public Accomodation law more offensive to the sensibilities than people restricting who they admit to their events or venues.

        1. Pat

          Of course. SLD. But the irony is palpable considering the source.

        2. antisthenes

          So, when they’re tired of being sued for breaking them, then progressives can rescind their terrible, illiberal laws.

      2. The Elite Elite

        It’s OK to break that law if it’s stopping straight white men from doing something.

        1. Hammercorps

          Wouldn’t want them raping looting and killing now, would we?

    1. Count Potato

      This means I can do a white-only screening of Gone With The Wind, right?

      1. WTF

        No, because white male privilege.

      2. Rufus the Monocled

        And ‘Birth of a Nation’.

        And ‘The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat!’

      3. The Elite Elite

        A men-only screening of “The Red Pill” perhaps?

        1. straffinrun

          Bunch o’ womyn screaming at dudes, calling them “Sexists!” in protest of “The Red Pill” just destroys my irony-o-meter.

          1. wdalasio

            If “The Red Pill” does go to distribution, tapes of feminist reactions would be the ideal advertisement.

          2. Number.6

            Perfect clickbait too

            “100 feminists saw this movie and you won’t believe what happened next!”

          3. hate_speech

            It is. I bought it on blu-ray.

            Or do you mean getting broad screenings in theaters?

  13. JD

    You gotta have faith. No, its not that song.

    I knew what that song meant, which I actually like. But nice choice!

    1. PieInTheSKy

      That song is silence

      1. straffinrun
      2. Pat

        No, this song is silence.

        1. WTF

          Love that.

  14. Scruffy Nerfherder

    The Justice Department argued in that matter that the extra restriction would keep FBI agents from connecting the dots in terror cases and compared NSA searches to something Americans do every day.

    “If we require our agents to write a full justification every time think about if you wrote a full justification every time you used Google. Among other things, you would use Google a lot less,” a lawyer told the court.

    Americans are searching my phone history everyday?

    1. UnCivilServant

      My google searchs don’t violate the privacy of other people. That, in of itself, is enough to point and laugh at the DoJ lawyer.

    2. WTF

      Oh, gee, it’s too much work to have to justify spying on American citizens. Fuck you, asshole.

    3. thom

      So their argument is “everybody else is doing it”? My 3rd grade teacher would have a harshly worded response for them.

    4. Suthenboy

      I am still waiting for them to give a single example where their illegal spying on the american people have cracked a single terror case.

      1. UnCivilServant

        “You want us to show you proof? Uh… We could, but… it’s classified”

        /NSA

    1. Pat

      Fox News creator and former chief Roger Ailes… may have been the most significant political figure of the last 35 years — which isn’t necessarily a compliment to those of us who believe media mavens shouldn’t also be political operatives.

      o i am laffin

      1. WTF

        Because the bulk of the media are not actually left-wing Democratic operatives, no siree! Just ask George Stephanopolis.

        1. wdalasio

          Or Chris Matthews or Bill Moyers.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Objectivity? The idiots that push concepts that spring out of critical theory dare to talk about objectivity?

    1. Weaponized autism FTW!

    2. Count Potato

      Ah, I meant to type “TSA”.

    3. I read somewhere that he was arrested recently. Don’t have the link handy, though.

  15. straffinrun

    Denzel’s Magnificent Seven worth a watch at 5$?

    1. Count Potato

      Not considering that watching a a $5 bill burn might be a better entertainment value. It’s nothing compared to the originals.

      Um, Sichinin no Samurai arimasen?

      1. straffinrun

        I was gonna watch Ran again, but I’ve seen it half a dozen times.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      The Diversity Seven?

      Meh.

      You can’t replace Brunner, McQueen and that original cast, man. No way.

      1. WTF

        ^This.

      2. straffinrun

        I liked Training Day. Denzel is hit or miss.

        1. Lachowsky

          Training day was most likely a documentary.

    3. LT_Fish

      It’s fun enough. Worth checking out if you like the actors.

  16. Certified Public Asshat

    When superlatives go too far…

    Student named most likely to become a terrorist

    Disciplinary action was taken against several Texas middle school teachers after they named a student “most likely to become a terrorist.”

    The superlative was given to seventh grader Lizeth Villanueva in a mock ceremony this week at Anthony Aguirre Junior High in Channelview, Texas, according to news station KHOU.

    Lizeth, 13, claims that her teacher handed her a certificate as other faculty members laughed.

    That definitely won’t scar a middle school girl at all.

    1. Count Potato

      I don’t even get the joke.

    2. UnCivilServant

      Huh. I was dubbed “Most likely to become a serial killer” and I still haven’t killed anybody.

      1. Certified Public Asshat

        Well, out of all your class mates, you are still most likely.

      2. straffinrun

        Ashton Kutcher?

      3. Juvenile Bluster

        Yet.

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          I really should learn to reload the page before replying.

    3. Brett L

      I think they were celebrating her talent at asymmetrical warfare.

    4. Suthenboy

      Did she have a clock?

      Looks like they are catching on that tort law is a serious weakness in our society. They can use it to do a hell of a lot of damage without having to blow themselves up.

  17. Count Potato

    “Hallmark Is Now Selling Cards to Celebrate Transgender People Who Are Transitioning”

    http://www.glamour.com/story/hallmark-is-now-selling-cards-to-celebrate-transgender-people-who-are-transitioning

    1. WTF

      Hey, they identified a market niche to exploit.

      1. Tundra

        They are smart. 99% of those sold will be gags.

        I’m going to send one to my little brother…

        1. WTF

          Dammit, I just though of a few ways I can use them, too.

    2. PieInTheSKy

      Well if they can sell em good for them

    3. “I heard you’re cutting off your dick.
      Let’s hope the hormones don’t make you sick.

      It was sure nice knowing you as “Mister”.
      But I can’t wait to call you sister!”

      Jesus H Christ.

      1. Tundra

        Dude.

        Call Hallmark right now.

        1. Does that qualify as “art”?

          1. UnCivilServant

            I thought you had a creator-centric subjective definition of art.

          2. I’m willing to play by the “society gets to dictate what is art” rules on this one.

          3. straffinrun

            Don’t remember who said it (some ancient Greek snob) but I always liked, “Art exists to remind us that beauty exists in the world.”

  18. Michael

    Please keep me in your thoughts, fellow brutals, for tonight I am off to spend the weekend with the in-laws. I am bracing myself for three full days of pearl-clutching histrionics about how Trump is going to force Our Nation’s Most Vulnerable (TM) to eat cat food as they slowly die in the streets.

    1. Tundra

      I dare you to wear a MAGA hat.

      1. Michael

        If only I owned one.

        (sigh)

      2. straffinrun

        MAGA emblazoned on a ushanka.

        1. Michael

          In this case a kippah would be orders of magnitude funnier.

      3. The Elite Elite

        Add it with Sargon’s new Toxic Feminism t-shirt. That should be a full blown triggering.

    2. Old Man With Candy

      Have you seen the price of cat food lately?

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        They should eat store brand ravioli-much cheaper.

        1. KibbledKristen
    3. Drake

      That’s a feature not a bug, right?

    4. Rasilio

      Could be worse, my Inlaws are Trump supporters and my family hates Trump because he’s not conservative enough (and my conservative they mean racist, homphobic, and pro bombing brown people)

      1. Michael

        Man, that’s a tough call. Do they at least have their shit together and not blame misfortune for every bad decision they’ve made? Though I’m guessing yours might blame teh Illegul messicans instead which isn’t any better.

        1. Rasilio

          They don’t blame illegul messicans for their problems (both my inlaws are retired career army) but they sure do blame them for all of the countries problems and my family are just outright racist bigots

          1. Michael

            That sucks. Like most people I also have a few people in my family like that, and it sure can get uncomfortable at times.

          2. WTF

            You should converse with them in Spanglish, and when they comment on it tell them the country will soon have as many Mexicans as Europeans so we all really need to adapt.

  19. Chipping Pioneer

    Gomez claims the company tricked her into thinking the tiny beans contain juice rather than sugar, by listing “evaporated cane juice” as an ingredient.

    To be fair, was probably looking for “high-fructose corn syrup”.

    1. UnCivilServant

      Do they sell low-fructose corn syrup?

      1. thom

        Well, they sell regular fructose corn syrup. It’s called “corn syrup.”

    2. Nephilium

      So you’re saying these were ((jelly beans))?

      1. Chipping Pioneer

        ((()))lly beans?

    3. Chipping Pioneer

      Also, WTF does she think sugar is?

        1. Chipping Pioneer

          I’m just a shill for Big Sugar

      1. WTF

        You assume she thinks.
        I see the flaw in your logic.

      2. Suthenboy

        That white powdery stuff that they make in the grocery store and put in bags?

        1. UnCivilServant

          Flour?
          Salt?
          Bicarbonate?
          Cocaine?

          1. WTF

            What grocer do you go to?

          2. Number.6

            … and where is my nearest store?

  20. Count Potato

    “A Public Safety Alert from David Burge
    Executive Director and Chief Research Officer
    The Media Violence Project / Center for the Study of Politician Sociopathy”

    http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2010/04/journopolitico-violence.html

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Oh, yay! Trump said something dumb about German car makers, and the Bloombergousie are on it like stink on shit.

    Real journalism, FTW!

    1. PieInTheSKy

      To be fair, it was particularly dumb

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        Didn’t read it. Did he say they make reliable cars or something because that would be stupid.

      2. If he was smart, he’d have just piled on the VW shenanigans. Or he could have just made a crack that BMW was now basically an American company.
        Or he could have just STFU. Which isn’t possible.

    2. Hammercorps

      All I’m seeing is Macron snubbed Trump to greet Merkel.

  22. Drake

    Anyone with a face as punchable as Ben Jacobs should not be advocating punching people.

  23. Pat

    This probably got posted yesterday, but I’m too lazy to go through all the threads to check

    Pigeon ‘caught with backpack of drugs’

    Customs officials in Kuwait have apprehended a pigeon carrying drugs in a miniature backpack, Kuwaiti newspaper al-Rai reports.

    1. KibbledKristen

      Pigeon was immediately beheaded.

      1. And made into a tasty casserole.

        1. KibbledKristen

          MMMM….b’stilla. *stomach growls*

  24. KibbledKristen

    I had the third most stressful day of my professional life yesterday. Fuckin work. How do I get on the dole and get me an Obama phone?

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Have you considered making money by working a few hours a day on your computer? I can teach you how for a small upfront fee.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      *insert racist joke here*

    3. Tundra

      Third most stressful is an interesting statement. I don’t think I’ve ever rated mine.

      I hope today is better. The Vikings kicked off OTAs this week, so you have that!

      1. KibbledKristen

        I was laid off twice – those days were more stressful. Yesterday was a Duesenberg, though.

        1. Tundra

          So is this!

          If you went for a spin, I’ll bet the stress would disappear – as if by magic!

      2. Lachowsky

        My absolute worst was 5 years ago on the day after thanksgiving. I went to work violently hung over. It was a pretty normal 12 hour shift at the plant. About an hour before my shift ended, a wheel on an over crane locked up and we had to stay to change it. The entire process didn’t work like it was supposed to and I ended up working until 2 in the morning. I started my shift at 7am. I damn near killed myself falling asleep on the drive home that night.

    4. Old Man With Candy

      Chaturbate accounts are free.

    5. The Elite Elite

      Ever thought of becoming a YouTuber?

    6. ChipsnSalsa

      First and most importantly, burn any sort of pride you have

      Second… I don’t know I have a job. I’m confused on how all the handouts work.

      Third, PROFIT!

  25. robc

    Special secret tip I was given 26 years ago.

    Have a horrible song stuck in your head?

    Sing this. It may help if they happen to be your favorite band, so you already know the lyrics.

    1. robc

      The key is the line lengths are longer than brain buffer size, so anything stuck in there gets pushed out while it can’t get stuck itself.

    2. Number.6

      Not a bad choice, but I’m old-school. I find this works better.

      1. Trolleric the Goth

        This has been my go to for a long time

  26. Lachowsky

    Anyway, that’s all the sports news for today.

    You missed one story. Nobody much cares for college baseball, my Razorback set three sec tournament records last night.

    Chad spanberger hit 3 home runs (record) drove in 7 rbis (record) and the razorback pitching staff turned in the first no hitter in the 40 year history of the tournament.

    I know it’s no a big deal to most, but I go to a lot hog games. This season has been enjoyable.

    1. Chipwooder

      I care a lot about college baseball because UVA is good at it. When your football team is as bad as ours is, you have to get your thrills where you can find them.

      1. Lachowsky

        Me too. I can’t remember the year, but arkansas won a regional at USA a few years back. Sorry for your loss, but that was a great time for me.

        1. Chipwooder

          I had to look it up because I was pretty sure you were off – we beat you in the 2014 regional in Charlottesville. The Hogs did knock us out in our first Omaha appearance in 2009. I remember that one very well because it was an excruciating 12 inning loss. We were one strike from winning the game in the ninth and Tyler Wilson gave up a two strike,two out single. The next batter hit a game tying homer. Dallas Keuchel, who was fucking infuriating even then with that neverending buffet of slop, got into major jams in each of the last four innings – bases loaded twice, second and third with one out once, and finally man on third with one out in the 12th when we needed a run to keep the game going. The sonofabitch Houdinied his way out of it every time. One of the most devastating losses I’ve ever watched.

    2. SimonD

      Nice.

      It’s been a frustrating season for the Horned Frogs. I have the feeling our teams may run into each other.

  27. Hammercorps

    I must admit, I’m disappointed. I expected more small-town stereotyping for me to laugh at. This just looks like Far Cry 4 with a setting swap again.

    1. Hammercorps

      However, progs are still bitching because they didn’t include any of the Indian tribes.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    I am bracing myself for three full days of pearl-clutching histrionics about how Trump is going to force Our Nation’s Most Vulnerable (TM) to eat cat food as they slowly die in the streets.

    Three cheers for Trump. Unfortunately, as I recall, Alpo is owned by M&M Mars, so you can’t buy a piece of that action.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Alpo is a subsidiary of Purina, which is owned by Nestle.

    2. Alpo isn’t owned by M&M Mars. It’s under control of ISIS and Assad wants it back.

      -Goatee’d Gary Johnson

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        *golf clap*

  29. PBRstreetgang
    1. KibbledKristen

      These little fuckers have too much time on their hands.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      A textbook case of presentism if I’ve ever seen one. In those days that song was about as openminded as anyone could possibly hope for but people seem to count historical illiteracy as a virtue now.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Did he say they make reliable cars or something because that would be stupid.

    Something nonsensical about “all those *imported* German cars are wrecking our domestic car manufacturing sector.”

    I guess he hasn’t been to South Carolina, lately.

    1. WTF

      So, a joke that somebody decided to take seriously?

  31. The Other Kevin

    Sloopy, you have fucking great taste in music.

    1. Hammercorps

      Hear hear.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    Alpo is a subsidiary of Purina, which is owned by Nestle.

    Ah.

    First time I’ve been wrong today.

    Didn’t Mars own Alpo at on time? My Wiki-ing finger is very weary. Enact my labor. Chop fucking chop.

    1. Chipwooder

      Remember Chuck Wagon? Those commercials cracked me up when I was a kid.

  33. Drake

    Another slaughter of Egyptian Christians.

    1. straffinrun

      You stoke the fires of Islamophobia by posting that.

    2. FreeSociety

      Oh yeah, well…CRUSADES! Case. Closed.

  34. Count Potato

    “We watched a repentant Trump voter reach catharsis by having a dominatrix dressed as Hillary Clinton repeatedly hit him in the balls with a golf club. ”

    https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/inside-a-bdsm-dungeon-with-a-hillary-dom-and-a-guilty-diaper-clad-trump-voter

    1. Hammercorps

      Fifty Shades of Orange?

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      SugarFree is writing stories for Vice now?

      1. Count Potato

        It looks like he’s been there for a while.

        https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/getting-wasted-on-cum-cocktails

        Also, possibly NSFW.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      a repentant Trump voter

      Yeah… sure….

      1. WTF

        Yeah, I kind of have my doubts on that score.

      2. Somalian Road Corporation

        There’s this big astroturf push on reddit in regards to “Trumpgrets” with obviously fake stories of apostasy that this reminds me of.

        1. WTF

          That shit always cracks me up, like leftys who call in to Rush Limbaugh, proclaim they are conservative and voted for Bush/Trump,/whoever, then proceed to spout all the proggie talking points. Do they really think they are fooling anyone?

  35. The Late P Brooks

    M&M Mars does have a pet food division. For some reason, I thought that included Alpo.

    Live and learn.

    The Mars family must give investment bankers the night terrors. “What if everybody decided to just grow their businesses organically and never go public? GAAAAAAAH!”

    1. Lachowsky

      Mars has a pet food factory right down the road from where I work.

      1. straffinrun

        Drove through Greeley, Co. once and the smell of dog food permeated the car. 10 hour road trip and I could smell it until we arrived at our destination.

        1. Pat

          I used to play paintball at a place about 1/4 mile from a rendering facility. When the wind would shift the wrong way, hoo boy. They had both indoor and outdoor facilities. The smell was just as strong either way.

          1. straffinrun

            Makes it smell like a real war zone. Good marketing ploy.

        2. Hammercorps

          Fort Morgan is worse. Smell of processing beets mixed with the stench of dairy farms.

  36. Chipwooder

    He’ll Fight for 15!!!! Well, as long as you pay him $146,000 per year. Favorite quote:

    “The question you should be asking is like how much do these corporations make and how much do these people make and why are they out here protesting,” Fells said, while holding a coffee from Starbucks, which does not pay its workers $15 an hour.

  37. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Manchester – It’s just like transphobia

    This argument is not to say that no political analysis should be given to the causes of any tragic incident, or that we should not be thinking about the ways in which further violence can be stopped. Large scale violence that targets women, for example, must be analyzed for the links it has to toxic masculinity. We cannot ignore how the lessons that we teach young men can influence the ways in which they grow up to enact violence on to women. Mass shootings must prompt a discussion on gun ownership because we must understand how easy access to guns is directly, statistically and verifiably correlated to increased deaths. That fix is legislative and relatively uncomplicated.

    What we face here is an entirely different situation. What chauvinists like Hopkins or Morgan desire is not an honest analysis of the complex geopolitical roots of terrorism, but an excuse to demonize an entire ethnicity of people. There’s no analogy between asking for a cultural change in patriarchal attitudes, or for laws regulating the purchase of an item, and asking for multiple communities of people — who only have a religion in common — to be incarcerated, increasingly surveilled and discriminated against.

    The use of young girls is especially vile. Not only are young women always exploited to be an excuse for bigotry — see for example transphobic bathroom policies — but the policies that these right wing commentators push for have a direct impact on the lives of other young girls — the women and children who suffer under Islamophobic policies. To pit the lives of some young girls against others and in the name of some sort of feminist protection of these girls is both divisive and disgusting.

    1. Mass shootings must prompt a discussion on gun ownership because we must understand how easy access to guns is directly, statistically and verifiably correlated to increased deaths.

      Um, care to cite a few studies where this is the case?

      Also, the whole thing is fucking gibberish.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        My favorite snippet

        the women and children who suffer under Islamophobic policies

        1. Chipwooder

          As opposed to the women and children who suffer under Islamophilic policies.

        2. KibbledKristen

          I do not understand why the left has picked Islam as their pet group of the minute. Muslims, in general, have never been an oppressed minority anywhere. Quite the opposite, in fact.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Well they are oppressed, mostly by their own people.

          2. commodious spittoon

            Somebody made the point that, at least in Britain, when you see Muslims turn out in solidarity for atrocities like Manchester, it’s always Ahmadiyya Muslims who are themselves reviled and oppressed by mainstream Muslims. But it’s never reported that way. They’re just lumped in to make the point that Not All Muslims.

          3. Count Potato

            Because they are both out to destroy Western culture?

          4. kbolino

            Maybe. If so, methinks they need to pay just a little more attention to what anti-Western Muslims want to replace Western culture with.

          5. FreeSociety

            You mean the Muslims don’t want to build an inclusive society dominated by trannies, gays and social democrats? I need to go lay down and reevaluate my life.

          6. Somalian Road Corporation

            Yep.

      2. WTF

        Yes, that assertion is objectively and demonstrably false.

    2. Lachowsky

      “how easy access to guns is directly, statistically and verifiably correlated to increased deaths”

      BULLSHIT!

      1. kbolino

        Brazil, peaceful paradise thanks to strict gun control.

        Also, “directly, statistically, verifiably correlated” has two useless/redudant adjectives. What is a non-statistical correlation? Most correlations are direct; only inverse correlations need to be specifically qualified. While “verifiably” serves an definite grammatical function, it makes the statement of questionable truth value. All of the “veriable” studies a) accept stats with different metholodogies as comparable and b) exclude countries that disprove the correlation (like Brazil) because “poor people like to kill each other” or something.

        1. FreeSociety

          Or pick a rural area pretty much anywhere in the US where the gun ownership rate is almost invariably higher but violent crime is much lower than urban areas.

          1. kbolino

            The number of people who understand Simpson’s Paradox is far lower than the number of people who cite “statistics” as though numbers are inherently authoritative.

          2. Suthenboy

            I live in the parish (county for the rest of you backward people) that has the highest gun ownership rate in the country. We had one murder about five years ago. The murder was committed with a knife.

            Guns are inanimate objects. They do not have agency. People have agency. Culture strongly influences how that agency is used.

          3. UnCivilServant

            Look, New York had actual nobility even when it wasn’t the proprietary colony of the Duke of York and Albany. We have counties out of tradition.

            Why there are counties in Montana, I don’t have a clue.

          4. FreeSociety

            It’s a holdover of administrative rank. Historical counties were fairly local administrative units whose lords were fairly accessible to commoners, more so than dukes and princes, less so than thanes and barons.

          5. FreeSociety

            Why the term was retained despite the lack of the title ‘count’, probably has to do with common law. ‘Parish’ being the operative term in Lousiana I suppose has to do with it’s civil law tradition and diminished influence of common law in that particular state.

    3. Chipwooder

      What the hell does gun control have to do with a nail bomb?

      1. Count Potato

        Maybe she means nail guns. A campus was shut down over a glue gun, recently.

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Only a shitlord would ask that

    4. Count Potato

      “Mass shootings must prompt a discussion on gun ownership because we must understand how easy access to guns is directly, statistically and verifiably correlated to increased deaths.”

      Except it isn’t.

      “That fix is legislative and relatively uncomplicated.”

      Wait, what?

      1. Pat

        Wait, what?

        They still haven’t come to terms with the fact that the supreme court already ruled that the 2nd amendment means something at least vaguely similar to what it actually says, so they think banning guns is as easy as getting congress to pass a bill that says “hey, no more guns” (ignoring the practicality of taking 300 million guns away from 300 million people).

        1. WTF

          And 300 million guns is a very low estimate based mostly on registration and background check data. The real number is likely closer to double that.

        2. kbolino

          they think banning guns is as easy as getting congress to pass a bill that says “hey, no more guns”

          That easy, huh? What a crazy bubble they live in. Getting a supermajority of Representatives and Senators to pass a gun confiscation bill may actually be harder than getting SCOTUS to find a weaselly way to uphold it.

    5. Pat

      Feministing? -5 points for punching down.

    6. Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s cute honey but go over there and be quiet: men are talking.

      **pinches ass**

    7. Juvenile Bluster

      Headline: “PSA: If You Exploit the Deaths of Children, You Are Literal Human Garbage”

      Article: Exploits deaths of children to advance author’s political stances

    8. WTF

      Large scale violence that targets women, for example, must be analyzed for the links it has to toxic masculinity. We cannot ignore how the lessons that we teach young men can influence the ways in which they grow up to enact violence on to women.

      So, she is admitting that Islamic teaching influences violence against women?

      1. kbolino

        Chances this person has actually been a victim or knows anyone who has been a victim of “large scale violence that targets women”: 0.001%

        1. TripodKat

          Your comment is large scale violence targeting women, shitlord.

          1. WTF

            Words are violence!!111!!

  38. Drake

    So Trump wants to talk about terrorism while Macron is re-arranging the deck furniture on the Titanic.

    1. AlexinCT

      I happened to make that point to someone yesterday, especially the distinction where Trump is actually concerned about stuff that is affecting/hurting/killing the plebes, while the Euro elite are only focused on that scheme they are pushing that will give these top men more power and money. You should have seen the head asploding and rambling that followed…

      1. kbolino

        A lot of fairly well-off people have deluded themselves into thinking they’re part of the “working class” or are, at least, sympathetic to the concerns of said group. They are having a hard time accepting that that is not actually the case, to say the least.

        1. AlexinCT

          Yeah kbolino, I know plenty of people where I work making in excess of $100K that consider themselves working class and envy those making more than they do harder than actual working class people do.

        2. WTF

          Really? So since I make six figures at my job I’m not “working class”? Because I sure as shit ain’t the leisure class, and I sure as shit am well within middle class here in the NYC metro area.

          1. kbolino

            The “class” distinctions are arbitrary, but making six figures puts you in the top 20% of income earners in this country. That might not be a lot to live on where you are, but an income-based definition “working class” tends to exclude the outer quartiles/quintiles.

          2. kbolino

            Addendum: If you are making at least $72k but less than $112k, you are (as of 2015) in the fourth quintile (60th to 80th percentile) not the fifth (I was basing this on numbers from a few years ago). According to this data, the fourth quintile for the NY metro area is $85k to $135k.

            So you would be in the “middle class” if your income is below $135k. Whether that’s “working class” or not depends on how you define working class. I don’t like the income-based definitions personally, but it’s more complicated to assess definitions that have more predictive power, e.g. based on sources of income, debt, assets, etc.

  39. KibbledKristen
    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Damn kids, they might get on my lawn…

    2. commodious spittoon

      Larry David?

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Greg Gianforte- he’ll fight for you!

    1. Chipwooder

      I thought that was Larry H. Parker?

  41. commodious spittoon

    Trump to Duterte: “I just wanted to congratulate you because I am hearing of the unbelievable job on the drug problem. Many countries have the problem, we have a problem, but what a great job you are doing and I just wanted to call and tell you that.”

    Fuck this half-literate asshole, and fuck Duterte. Fuck AG Sessions, for good measure.

    1. Hammercorps

      Duterte reminds me of the literal, flesh and blood version of South Park’s “Fuck’em all to death!” slogan.

  42. Pope Jimbo

    Last night at 3:30 am my doorbell started ringing and someone was pounding on my door. As I looked out my front window, I saw a cop car with the lights flashing.

    I opened the door to have some woman cop tell me that my garage door was open. As I just stared at her, she told me that there were a lot of garage burglaries in the area and I should close it.

    Thanks to this site, I was able to keep my mouth shut and not tell her to go fuck herself.

    I did disobey my superior and tell her it was none of her business when she asked my name.

    1. Hammercorps

      At which point you were subsequently tased and arrested for contempt?

    2. Tundra

      Nice of your neighbors to let you know.

      I guess it was too much for the cop to, you know, close the fucking door?

      1. Pat

        Nice of your neighbors to let you know.

        I heard you got robbed…

      2. Pope Jimbo

        Garage door opener, so they cop couldn’t close it easily.

        No, this is about the 20K time that the wife forgets to close her door when she gets home. So I’ve been telling her this morning that she really owes me.

        We’ve lived at this house for 20+ years and have had 2 garage/car burglaries (1 time the car was in the driveway and unlocked). Never had a cop stop and bitch before.

        We live near some Section 8 housing and there are waves of petty thefts that happen every 5 or so years as a new crop of delinquents come of age.

    3. DOOMco

      “i bet its an hoa violation, too.”

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Nope. No HOA’s here for me. Just the rough side of Maple Grove (Tundra lives on the toney west side).

        1. DOOMco

          whew. sorry you had your car broken into before. always sucks.

    4. commodious spittoon
    5. Pat

      Mind you, call them after you actually get robbed and they won’t even put in that much effort.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Especially after I did call them years ago when I caught the punk who stole my kid’s bike and they couldn’t be bothered to come get him.

    6. Chipwooder

      I likely would have ended up getting shot in that scenario. I do not take well to being awoken in the middle of the night.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        My wife was really impressed that I wasn’t shot or tased. She knows me. She refuses to go through TSA check points anywhere near me because I bitch at those assholes too.

        Like I said it was a combo grogginess/reading too much bad shit on this site that kept me from telling her to go fucking die in a fire.

    1. WTF

      But it’s obviously not their fault, it’s Trump’s fault because his unique awfulness forces them to do it.

      1. Brochettaward

        I actually don’t care much about national security leaks, frankly. But I find the whole “let’s convict people of crimes through vague innuendo from anonymous sources in the intelligence apparatus” to be far more sinister.

        1. AlexinCT

          Especially after they defended Comey saying that he found no intent to break the law in the whole Clinton server scandal, even though the sole purpose of that server was to avoid the legal obligation government track and keep all communications from their employees, especially about things that impact national security. I also wonder why the DNC server hacking was such a big deal when these tools had every foreign intelligence agency hacking our government network through that Clinton server. The Russians were not a problem when they used the Clinton server to hack the rest of our government, but the lies about them hacking the DNC servers though, hoo boy.

    2. Suthenboy

      They will burn the country down if that is what it takes to get rid of Trump. The problem is that they cant do anything to get rid of him, so…

      *checks food and ammo stock*

  43. Brochettaward

    “A plain reading of the rules says you don’t need a permit to do what he did,” Francois said. “How do you impose a multimillion penalty on someone for thinking the law says what it says.”

    You’ll never guess how the government is abusing the Clean Water Act!

    Obama era regulatory expansion. Obama appointee judge letting it happen. Sounds legit.

    1. UnCivilServant

      What an Obamination.

    2. commodious spittoon

      Drain the swamp swales and wetlands!

    3. kbolino

      Ooh, ooh, I know this one!

      FYTW

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      That sounds like he ticked off some petty bureaucrat who decided to get even.

      Burn the Army Corps of Engineers to the ground, they’ve outlived their usefulness.

    5. Suthenboy

      That is what they have been after all along. The entire EPA needs to go. It has been infested with watermelons from the ground up. The sole purpose of their movement is to destroy our ability to create wealth of any kind.

      They have to go.

  44. KibbledKristen

    So the guy in front of me in line at Starbucks this morning was 90 years old if he was a day. When it came time to pay, instead of fumbling with his bill fold, he whipped his wrist up to the scanner and paid with one o’ them Apple watches. That kind of made my day.

    1. Pat

      Could have been a 30 year old meth head.

      1. KibbledKristen

        Could have, except for the Thomas Pink shirt and well-pressed slacks.

        1. Pat

          Those kind of harmful stereotypes are very damaging to the meth head community.

    2. KibbledKristen

      Reminded me of the elderly couple in the weed store in Frisco, CO that were enchanted by the whole thing. They asked if they could take pictures.

    3. kbolino

      Worst checkout experience: family (I presume, no kids were actually visible) pays for their groceries with no less than six different WIC checks. I don’t even know how that’s legally possible but after switching to a longer line, I was still out of the store before they were done.

      1. UnCivilServant

        Actually the way I’ve seen it those individual check are for some specific set of products, with any unbought wasted, so you have to have the combination of approved items per piece of paper, and get multiple even as a single recipient.

        I should move to a more affluent area… *checks house prices* fuck that.

        1. kbolino

          I knew the checks were conditional, I didn’t realize different checks had different conditions. The conditions are messed up though, they’re based on USDA guidelines, which have varied from “quite literally the cause of the ‘obesity epidemic’” to “slightly less shitty than that, but still pretty bad”.

        2. kbolino

          I should move to a more affluent area… *checks house prices* fuck that.

          While the 6 WIC checks experience was not so great, the worst shopping experiences I’ve had were in affluent areas. Stuck-up, rude, condescending is apparently a great way to go through life if you live around people with money.

        3. thom

          This. WIC checks are for specific things. I assume created to appease all the crotchety old people who complain about welfare recipients spending fifty cents on a candy bar once in a while.

          1. kbolino

            I think it’s part that, part “do-gooders” thinking that they need to steer the poors to making “healthier” choices. No bacon or chiccarones for you, eat some quinoa, kale*, and whole-wheat bread instead!

            * = NTTAWW quinoa or kale, especially served alongside meat and other good sources of fat

          2. LT_Fish

            Listened to a very interesting message from a church I used to attend in WA (stream on my phone when I’m out on Sundays for work) – Supervisor of the Shelter Ministry in Everett was actually saying that they get a lot better results in general when folks at the food bank are allowed to pick whatever they want from the shelves (just put signs up saying “Please just take 1” or something like that).

            Folks are a lot more responsive and grateful at being able to “shop” normally vs being handed a bag of set groceries based on what someone thinks is what they need. Also, obviously more flexibility in feeding family, etc.

    4. DOOMco

      at work, i’ve now had maybe 5 seniors use a smart watch or their phones to pay.
      It’s so much quicker on our system. The chip on a physical card takes about 3 times as long, if you do it right the first time.

      1. robc

        I hate the new chip cards.

        1. DOOMco

          they are also starting to wear out. I thought they were supposed to last longer than the old mag stripe.
          they really are a regression as far as ease of use or longevity go.

      2. thom

        And that’s when you figure out which one you’re supposed to use. Swipe? Insert? Whatever you do first, it will be wrong.

        1. DOOMco

          I have to talk every transaction through it.

        2. R C Dean

          These euphemisms.

          1. Drake

            Always try to insert first.

          2. ChipsnSalsa

            fuck

        3. ChipsnSalsa

          Swipe? Insert? Whatever you do first, it will be wrong.

          Euphemism much?

      3. AlexinCT

        I pay cash for a reason… No douchebags can track that unless they are super serial about that.

    5. WTF

      Jesus, I thought you were going to say he pulled out his check book. I hate that shit.

      1. Brochettaward

        We really just need some sort of camps we can stick them all in.

        1. Number.6

          I don’t think we need camps really, just some of their education needs updating …

          1. Brochettaward

            We can do that in the camps before we make them take their final shower, ok?

          2. TripodKat

            Some of the best education is done in camps!

  45. Scruffy Nerfherder

    FoxNews displays some economic ignorance

    Valued at $10,000 quadrillion, according to Lindy Elkins-Tanton, the lead scientist on the NASA mission, it is definitely worth more than its weight in gold.

    But bringing back an asteroid of this value could completely wipe out our global economy.

    Luckily, the space agency is taking the trip for scientific purposes and isn’t planning on conducting any mining — yet.

    1. Chipwooder

      How many kajillions is that?

      1. Vhyrus

        I wish you had asked how many brazilians is that so I could have responded “All of them… and the hot ones twice.”

        1. commodious spittoon

          My buddy’s brother married a Brazilian chick. She’s the sort of hot that makes you feel like men in cartoons who repeatedly club themselves over the head with a hammer.

          1. AlexinCT

            They also can be serially crazy…

    2. kbolino

      Some? More like “profound and disturbing”.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        We must maintain scarcity!

    3. WTF

      Newly developed sources of wealth wipe out economies, apparently.

      1. kbolino

        It’s like they took the lesson of 1600s Spain, completely fucked it up, and then also forgot everything else there is to know about economics for good measure.

      2. thom

        There’s nothing more devastating than a large quantity of cheap resources.

        1. AlexinCT

          It definitely is the worst that can happen to people that need you to believe that the pie is finite and they are the ones qualified to carve it.

          1. Number.6

            The danger is, of course, that the people who actually bake MORE pies give up and stop making them.

            Someone could write a book about that …

    4. UnCivilServant

      It would not crash the economy, just potentially the price of gold.

      We’re not on the gold standard.

      1. robc

        Sure we are, we never left it.

        Its just that US dollars arent tied to it anymore.

        But what stuff costs has stayed pretty steady wrt gold.

        1. robc

          [technological advances excepted]

        2. straffinrun

          Yep. Ounce of gold, buys you a suit.

          1. DOOMco

            pretty much never changes

          2. robc

            Ounce of gold == 10 bbls of oil

    5. Count Potato

      Supply and demand, how does it work?

      Although I guess it’s a good argument against a gold standard.

      1. DOOMco

        eh, we’ve had a few gold rushes before.

        1. commodious spittoon
      2. FreeSociety

        It’s a potential argument against any single commodity backed money. A better option in this scenario would be backing with a ‘basket’ of commodities so any heretofore unprecedented increase in supply of something wouldn’t necessarily result in hyperinflation. And even with a gold standard while a gold asteroid is in orbit, it’d still be better than fiat.

    6. Drake

      Wipe out the economy or create an economic model for space mining?

    7. Fatty Bolger

      “This article says mining an asteroid could completely wipe out the global economy!”

      “How?”

      [scanning article] “Doesn’t say.”

  46. The Late P Brooks

    But bringing back an asteroid of this value could completely wipe out our global economy.

    “You MANIACS!”

    1. Brett L

      I think it depends on where they land it. A targeted landing of a high-metal-content heavenly body that size at a steep re-entry angle could really generate some huge multiplier effects in a rebuilding process.

      1. Number.6

        The initial find depressed Herr Krugnuts, but the expectation of landing the ‘find’ made him HAPPY AGAIN!

      2. Q Continuum

        If we could take out India and China simultaneously, that would satisfy Malthusian proggie bloodlust for at least a whole year! (maybe…)

        1. Number.6

          I’d settle for this place or maybe Foggy Bottom, frankly.

          Sorry UT or NoVa/MD/DE Glibs. Time to take one for the team.

  47. Gadianton

    best of seven matchup between Rosie O’Donnell and Nancy Pelosi striptease competition.

    /projectile vomits

    1. Rasilio

      I don’t know who wins, but I know that we all loose that matchup

      1. Pope Jimbo

        How do you know it is loose? I think Pelosi is the type of broad who would go in for vaginal reconstruction.

        1. Number.6

          Dear god, no. Please.

          FETCH THE BRAIN BLEACH!

  48. Scruffy Nerfherder

    So when does it stop being advice?

    Germany is set to pass a law next week that will require kindergartens to inform authorities if parents have failed to consult a doctor about vaccinating their children, with those who refuse advice subject to fines worth up to $2,800.

    1. kbolino

      At first, I thought it said it would require kindergarteners to inform authorities, and I was thinking “1984 much?”

    2. commodious spittoon

      So when does it stop being advice?

      You’ll have to ask Roberts.

  49. Count Potato

    “Lisa Spoonauer, the actress who played Caitlin Bree in the cult-classic film “Clerks,” died on Saturday at the age of 44.

    Her family announced her passing in an obituary posted on the website of a New Jersey Funeral Home. They did not specify her cause of death.”

    http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2017/05/24/clerks-actress-lisa-spoonauer-dead-at-44.html

    No news whether someone accidentally knocked over the coffin.

    1. DOOMco

      shitty.

    2. Chipwooder

      Jeez……first Chris Cornell kills himself, now Caitlin Bree is dead. It’s like the world is anally raping my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank.

      1. Vhyrus

        Would you rather someone pour sugar in your mother’s ass while raping your car?

        Because if so, call me.

        1. Chipwooder

          Your name will be the first that comes to mind.

          In case you didn’t know it, that was one of Dante’s lines in Clerks.

          Dante: You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us thrown out of a funeral by violating a corpse, and then to top it all off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what’s your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? You know what the real tragedy about all this is? I’m not even supposed to be here today!Randal: Oh fuck you! Fuck you, pal! Jesus, there you go. Trying to pass the buck. I`m the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You want to blame somebody? Blame yourself! [mimicking] ‘I’m not even supposed to be here today.’ You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You’re here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder, like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn’t here. Jesus, you over-compensate for havin’ what’s basically a monkey’s job. You push fuckin’ buttons! Anybody could waltz in here and do our jobs. You, you’re so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante, and badly I might add. I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay’s got it right, man, he has no delusions about what he does. Us – we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper or God forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we’re so advanced. Well, if we’re so fuckin’ advanced, what are we doin’ working here?

          1. commodious spittoon

            At least you still have Becky from Clerks 2.

      2. Number.6

        Not sure of your age, but that’s what getting older feels like. Cultural markers start to shuffle off the mortal coil; you realize that the reunion of that band that got you laid that November evening in ’78 ain’t gonna happen.

        Felt like that when Chris Squire went. Felt much worse when Keith Emerson AND Greg Lake both went within a few months of each other, and just to pre-empt the question, “YES!” – over-the-top, pretentious Prog Rock can, did, and does get you laid. Sometimes, you even get a partner of the same species and opposite sex!

        1. Chipwooder

          I’m 40.

          1. DOOMco

            the ages here seem fairly spread.

        2. commodious spittoon

          RIP Chris Squire. Was half-surreal but totally fitting after beating Homeworld and hearing this.

          1. robc

            It pisses me off that the R&R HOF waiting until he died.

            Not that Squire probably gave a damn, but still.

    3. damn – It amazes me, considering some of the stuff I did when I was younger, that I’m still walking. Those Dutch farmer genetics makes a body that can take a lot of damage. Like my ex-junky friend who: abused prescription pain killers, did heroin for over a decade, did crack for a few years, went back to abusing prescriptions by doctor shopping, then became a serious alcoholic, and now just enjoys an occasional toke. But looking at him, you would never guess – now he looks like an overweight accountant.

    4. Raston Bot

      I heard she was engaged to an Asian design major.

  50. The Late P Brooks

    High-faluting gibberish

    For the last 10 years, the advanced world has been stuck in a troubling low growth equilibrium — sub-2 percent annually. Making matters worse, the vast majority of the benefits of this already too-low growth have accrued to the rich, which is worsening an alarming trifecta of income and wealth disparities and inequality.

    This unusual period has taught us the first important lesson — that advanced economies face not just cyclical headwinds, but also meaningful structural and secular ones. Moreover, in the absence of a sense of crisis, the required policy response is hampered by the difficulties that liberal democracies with short election cycles encounter when pursuing structural reforms — a common feature of which is that the costs are immediate while the benefits come over time.

    Something something rich people. This is what passes for academic economic analysis.

    Yay central banks!

    1. yeah nothing about regulations? Or the welfare state where living with benefits (and no or little employment) is also an easy way out?

    2. DOOMco

      Moreover, in the absence of a sense of crisis, the required policy response is hampered by the difficulties that liberal democracies with short election cycles encounter when pursuing structural reforms

      do they know how the fed works? or the treasury?

      1. Number.6

        Given that El-Arian served on the U.S. Treasury Borrowing Advisory Committee I would indeed hope that he did know how the Treasury works.

        Having run lots of money at PIMCO, you’d think he had a reasonable grounding in the dismal science in general.

    3. Somalian Road Corporation

      I read the article. Sheesh. Looking at the byline, I’ve seen this guy’s name before, but I don’t recall reading anything in specific by him… but, boy oh boy, does it seem that his own output is quite prodigious.

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      alarming trifecta of income and wealth disparities and inequality.

      The author obviously needed a trifecta to make it sound more serious, so they beat the English language into submission until it coughed one up.

      the required policy response is hampered by the difficulties that liberal democracies with short election cycles encounter when pursuing structural reforms

      The Authoritarian’s Lament

    5. Fatty Bolger

      Fortunately, as detailed in previous columns, what is holding us back is no longer an economic engineering problem. The four main elements of the solution are gaining greater acceptance.

      Um, yeah… what solution is that, exactly? Don’t see it in the article. And nothing obvious in the link to previous columns, either.

    6. Number.6

      Hey, Mo, ya moron!

      That’s what happens when you fuck up the economy by making all types of bond returns so low that nobody OTHER than very large, politically-connected commercial banks see any point in buying them. Everyone else (especially people who follow advice from alleged ‘investment professionals’ who tell them that as they near retirement, should be in “safe investments”) have retirement portfolios that look almost identical to having a stash of quarters under the mattress.

      The very same policies that virtually guarantees that defined-benefit pension funds, always a bad idea, are an even worse idea, because the returns for a prudently-constructed investment portfolio can’t possibly cover the benefits they have to deliver. As CEO to Harvard Management Company he ran a team that realized a 23% net gain in 2007, but wisely departed back to PIMCO before the 08 blowup. Which sounds entirely coincidental.

      “Mo Stormcrow” his name should be.

    7. ChipsnSalsa

      This unusual period has taught us the first important lesson — that advanced economies face not just cyclical headwinds,

      cyclical …. headwinds

      so stupid.

      1. WTF

        Forever swirling, swirling, swirling toward prosperity!

  51. ssooooo…. (every bad question starts with this)… has anyone ever driven a Porsche Boxster? Thoughts?

    1. DOOMco

      haven’t.
      the new ones?

      1. Nah – just noticed that the early ones are relatively inexpensive. for example a local dealer has an ’04 S version with low mileage for under $14k.

        Of course buyer beware for “inexpensive” sports cars.

        1. DOOMco

          The early boxters, from what I’ve heard, were not at the same quality as the rest of the porche line.

    2. UnCivilServant

      Afraid not.

    3. straffinrun

      Nope. Another year or two and I’ll be in the market for a new car. Right now I’m leaning towards a Mitsubishi Eclipse Cross. Wife wants a goddamn Volvo.

      1. commodious spittoon

        The Volvo is a little boxy.

        1. Q Continuum

          +1 Little Man in the Boat

        2. straffinrun

          Boxy and ugly. If I were still single, I’d definitely go with a classic car. Always wanted a Continental.

          1. Chipwooder

            Those look great. The one I’ve always dreamed of is the original Riviera, 1963 or 64

        3. Number.6

          But beloved of cats. I always associate Volvos with cats.

        4. straffinrun

          Whoosh. Missing a box joke. SMDH at myself. .

          1. commodious spittoon

            Stolen shamelessly off Arrested Development.

            Lindsay: We’re super rich again, Mikey! And I’m going to buy a car. A Volvo!
            Michael: Lindsay, you’re not going to start spending money again. [she hands him a picture] And this is not a Volv”o”…
            Lindsay: [snatches picture back] Oh, that’s from sitting on the copier.

            A few lines later:

            Michael: Lindsay, the only reason you want Tobias is because you can’t have him. And the second that you can have something, all of a sudden you don’t want it.
            Lindsay: That’s not who I am, Michael.
            Michael: Well, all right. Maybe you’re right, maybe we should get you this car.
            Lindsay: Yeah? [looking at picture] I don’t know, it’s so boxy.

          2. Number.6

            Which was itself stolen from here (and from SNL) way way back when it was good.

      2. Q Continuum

        I thought it was insanely expensive with loads of red-tape to own a car in Japan? Is that only in Tokyo?

        1. straffinrun

          Shaken, the vehicle inspection certification, is certainly dear, but I don’t plan on buying anything used that I’d have to pay to get it up to standards. Parking where I live costs about $400 a month. Gas is 130 yen a liter right now. Vehicle prices aren’t bad as long as you don’t buy an import.

          1. Q Continuum

            “Parking were I live costs about $400 a month.”

            Sweet Jesus. That’s how much I paid for an apartment in Arizona.

          2. straffinrun

            Probably the same as New York and I’ve never had any of my cars ever broken into, so there’s that.

          3. UnCivilServant

            Well a car takes up as much space as a whole apartment in Japan.

          4. LT_Fish

            Get a beater from a military lemon lot.

      3. DOOMco

        what about that real subaru wagon? we don’t get them here, the name is escaping me.
        It’s the WRX up front/outback in the rear?

        1. Number.6

          You mean the hilarious (at the time) Baja?

          They’re actually quite sought-after now.

          1. DOOMco

            no, but i also like the baja. something about subaru’s 2.5 turbo engine is just great.
            I’ll try to find a picture. The closest to the states is the outback 2.5xt, which basically is just the outback with a wrx motor (ish)

        2. straffinrun

          Levorg?

          1. DOOMco

            yes! a little shorter than our outbacks, more power.

          2. DOOMco

            fuck that almost looks like an Audi or BMW short wagon. A3?
            another car we can’t get. Why does the US not like wagons, especially when they are half racecar?

          3. Number.6

            Ah. I wonder how you pronounce that?

            Lev Org,. like a gravity-defying non-profit website, or

            Le Vorg, the antagonist in a French-language Star Trek pastiche?

          4. DOOMco

            I guess I’d say LeVorg. but not all frenchy.

          5. straffinrun

            And of course this.

    4. Vhyrus

      If you buy a Boxster over an STi I will hit you in the face with a fucking shoe.

      1. commodious spittoon

        STIs and boxes = not good.

        1. Q Continuum

          *rimshot*

    1. mr simple

      Wow, the author really hates prostitution. Though to be fair, she does sound naive and not really prepared for what she’s getting herself into.

      1. Q Continuum

        She is low-balling it too. If she doesn’t care about who she’s having sex with, there are lonely, rich sleazeballs out there that would pay a lot more than $110000 to pop the cherry of a pretty young thing like her. It’s a one-time deal, I say go for broke. 7-figures minimum.

        1. Rasilio

          Yeah those guys are morons. While I wouldn’t mind educating a cute teenaged girl in the ways of the world I have no interest in being her first.

          Who the hell wants to deal with all the potential issues that can arise in a girl losing er virginity (possibly painful for her, possibly an overly emotional experience, possibly very very difficult to achieve penetration even to the point of being painful for you, possible bloody mess, etc.) all for what is basically guaranteed to be a horrible lay because she hasn’t got the slightest idea what she is doing.

          As far as this girl in question, while I suspect you are right, there are plenty of Japanese businessmen and middle eastern sheiks who would gladly pay more than that to take her cherry I sure as hell wouldn’t. She’s not really that great looking and if I’m paying for it she better be in 18 year old Jessica Alba’s vicinity for looks or have skills that make a night with her something out of the ordinary.

          1. Q Continuum

            She’s gotta recognize her market value and negotiate from a position of strength! Oh wait… that’s unpossible! The gender pay gap wins again!

  52. The Late P Brooks

    has anyone ever driven a Porsche Boxster? Thoughts?

    I did some work on one for a friend. The notorious “intermediate shaft bearing” replacement, put an aluminum flywheel and better clutch on it, a few other little thing.

    I drove it a little, and was quite pleasantly surprised. It’s too complicated (and heavy) for my tastes. You could probably shave two hundred pounds off the damn thing by getting rid of the top and associated motors and mechanisms.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    Also, re boxster- back when everybody was brushing them off as shitty “faux porsches” Tiff Needell and the Fifth Gear crew were praising them. You can find the Fifth Gear reviews on youtube.

  54. Q Continuum
    1. DOOMco

      come up to the people’s republic?
      no, that’s just as bad.

      1. Q Continuum

        I’m thinking Wyoming.

        1. DOOMco

          Wyoming or Montana.

          1. Q Continuum

            With a body-slamming congress-critter, Montana looks better all the time. In all honesty, if I could find a job, I’d just cut the bullshit and move to Alaska.

          2. DOOMco

            If I worked in FOCO, wyoming would be a no brainer

          3. straffinrun

            Used to live on Capitol Hill. Loved it. Can just imagine how intolerable it must have become because it was being flooded with Californians when I was there. The locals usually let out an audible sigh when I told them I wasn’t from Cali, but Wisconsin.

          4. Q Continuum

            The flooding continues and accelerates. TABOR is the only thing saving our sorry asses right now and I think it’ll be repealed within the next 5-10 years. Then utopia can *truly* begin.

    2. Somalian Road Corporation

      Unanimous 12-0, vote, heh. From the DP article linked in your link:

      City code will reserve the current blanket maximum of a year in jail and a $999 fine only for seven of the most serious offenses, including violent assaults and repeated domestic violence.

      Petty crimes, including public urination, curfew violations and panhandling, now could net up to 60 days in jail with no fine. Midlevel offenses such as trespassing, shoplifting and initial domestic violence offenses will be eligible for up to 300 days and the current $999 fine.

      The revised sentencing ordinance also will gain a hate-crime enhancement. City attorneys will be able to request a boost of lower-tier offenses to the top level if they’re shown to be motivated by race, religion or sexual orientation, among other attributes.

      “They’re crimes where it’s not just targeting a victim, but it’s targeting a community that is just like that victim,” said Scott Levin, the Denver-based regional director for the Anti-Defamation League, in support of the enhancement during a public hearing before the vote.

      “Over the past four months, the White House has issued a series of executive orders that have exacerbated our broken immigration system and have had a real impact on our community,” Hancock said in a statement issued after the council’s vote. “I have heard from many who are rightfully concerned. Denver is committed to taking actions that will protect our people’s rights and keep our city safe, welcoming and open.”

      Damn you, Putin. Is there no evil that you won’t command Trump to do? Can’t you just leave Denver alone?

      1. Q Continuum

        The Rooskie mind control rays know no bounds! Lizard-person Putin enthralls Trump with his hypnotic super powers! Blue-prog cities are helpless!

  55. Juvenile Bluster

    Today in prog derp, shared on a prog friend’s FB page:

    “Why aren’t Germans patriotic?” (answered by a German)

    Germans ARE Patriotic.

    In America you show your patriotism by attaching a full size US flag to your pickup truck (or a Confederate flag for alternative patriotism), singing the anthem before every baseball game, and sending 18 year olds to Iraq so you can later thank them for their service when they roll by you in their wheelchair in Walmart.

    In Germany we show patriotism by voting for higher taxes on ourselves to make healthcare and college education universally accessible to our less fortunate fellow citizens, and by picking up after one another to make public spaces clean and nice for everyone.

    I guess it gets lost in translation.”

    *blink*
    *blinkblink*
    *dies of aneurysm*

    1. DOOMco

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      … and by picking up after one another to make public spaces clean and nice for everyone.

      Patriotic as fuck

      1. FreeSociety

        That photo is amazing. The oil company had to build a honest-to-goodness fort replete with defensive earthen mounds around the perimeter of the walls. Before long they’ll need to install a moat filled with submerged rusty spikes.

        1. Number.6

          Looks like an FOB in Waziristan.

          1. FreeSociety

            Waziristan, a glimpse of the future?

          2. Are those HESCO walls?!

          3. Number.6

            Certainly look like they’re sectional components and not just a mud berm.

      2. DOOMco

        I bring that trash fact up every time someone talks about the pipeline

    3. Q Continuum

      If it were possible to die from smugness overdose, the world would be free of progs in a day.

    4. Number.6

      It’s possible to believe that the word ‘Patriotism’ just doesn’t translate well, and the two versions have legitimate, orthogonal meanings.

      Islam – being “peace” or “submission”, based on whether you have submitted yet.

      1. Number.6

        Of course, we could learn a lot from that German by asking what they called it when most of the country got in line behind a dictator who asked them to invade Poland and Czechoslovakia.

    5. straffinrun

      …and by giving rise to Identitarians. Who knew?

    6. WTF

      Well, at least they’re no longer showing it by trying to conquer Europe and slaughtering people in camps.

    7. WTF

      “In Germany we show patriotism by voting for big daddy government to forcibly confiscate more of people’s earnings and spend it on programs to buy more votes.”
      I’m really hoping something went awry in the translation, but that is some deep proggy derp.

    8. Fatty Bolger

      Germans are understandably wary of overt displays of patriotism because of the association with nationalism, which got them into a heap of trouble last century. It has jack all to do with being a good little proggy.

  56. The Late P Brooks

    In Germany we show patriotism by voting for higher taxes on ourselves to make healthcare and college education universally accessible to our less fortunate fellow citizens, and by picking up after one another to make public spaces clean and nice for everyone.

    Something something offered the world order

    1. DOOMco

      and they would’ve done it too, if it weren’t for Not-Really-Communism and the US Corporation Army!

  57. The Late P Brooks

    With a body-slamming congress-critter, Montana looks better all the time.

    Be forewarned- there’s a large contingent of “they oughtta” progressives (imported and home grown) up here. Lately, I’ve been wishing I had landed back in Idaho.

    1. Q Continuum

      “There oughtta be a LAW!”

    2. DOOMco

      we’d help round out the numbers a bit.
      maybe wyoming then.
      IS NO PLACE STILL CLEAN?!

  58. Q Continuum

    DER, THAS NOT TROO! I GOTS MUH POOBLIK EDAMUHCASHUN AND I’S THA SMURTEST!

    http://www.intellectualtakeout.org/blog/education-system-isnt-designed-smart-kids

    1. trshmnstr

      But the high performers are also suffering in this system, too. They’re forced to sit in a classroom for seven hours a day going over simple material and concepts at a snail’s pace. Eventually, intellectual atrophy sets in.

      Yup. Although, I would call it intellectual apathy, not atrophy. It wasn’t that the smart kids became stupider, it’s that they channel their intelligence into non-academic pursuits and stop giving a shit about class. Only the smart kids who have no other outlet for their learning impulse are stuck in intellectual atrophy.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        I just found out that my good friend had a 4.0 in HS and college. I’m not sure we can be friends anymore.

        Fuck, I was truant for gobs of time because school was so boring. How can I respect anyone who thought grades were more important that having fun running around with your buddies?

        I was constantly stunned at how many dummies we had who struggled to keep playing hockey (if you got a D or less, you couldn’t play sports). In spring, I would barely attend class and would get C’s and B’s. I swear you must have worked to fail classes.

        1. trshmnstr

          My dad was enough of a hardass that I dared not cross him. I put in enough effort for honor roll, and stopped after that. By high school, I would just read a book in the back of the room while the teacher was teaching.

          College was a different bear. I actually gave a shit about it, and I didn’t feel like I was being babysat (minus a couple freshman classes).

      2. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

        This. That and being to smart got you beat on. I shoulda gone to a private school…

  59. Raston Bot

    @iowahawkblog
    She should start a food truck and call it “It’s the Yeast I Could Do”

    Women’s HealthVerified account @WomensHealthMag
    Blogger bakes sourdough bread using her own vaginal yeast: http://spr.ly/60148ckln

    1. Q Continuum

      I just threw up in my mouth a little.

      1. Raston Bot

        did you click the link and read the ingredients list too?

        1. Q Continuum

          Not… gonna…. do… it….

          *barf*

    2. DOOMco

      national treasure.

    3. trshmnstr

      *gag*

    4. Fatty Bolger

      Goes perfectly with a slice of smegma cheese.

      1. Fatty Bolger

        Seriously, though, can you imagine the shit somebody would get for writing this if the genders were reversed? Would it be run in Men’s Health?

        And while there’s no doubt that all of this advice is well-intentioned, sometimes, when the shit is hitting the fan and your aunt is being a raging feminazi, you have to do something to regain control and remind yourself that you’re a badass dude who no one can fuck with. And there’s no better way to do that than serving a bitch a slice of truly homemade cheese… cultured with the smegma of your own penis.

        1. Q Continuum

          Let ’em be as stupid and ridiculous as they want, in the end they only repel “normals”. The headline has it right; she is a “feminist hero”. Because that’s what Western feminism has become.

          1. FreeSociety

            “disgusting” in every sense of the word, yes.

      2. KSuellington

        I know the perfect beverage to wash down some of that snatch bread.

        https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/first-vaginal-beer-bottled-instinct-brewery#/

    5. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

      I’m rather surprised that it works, I thought there were particular requirements for yeasts. I mean, I’ve had a few sour vaginas but never one that reminded me of freshly baked bread.

      1. FreeSociety

        Then you’ve obviously never tasted a vagina that was baked in the oven at 450 degrees for an hour.

        1. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

          Something like a Meatbread perhaps?

          1. FreeSociety

            But not nearly as gamey as your average feminist vagina.

          2. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

            I swear if someone offered to trade em all for a resurgent Temperance movement I’d take that deal in a heartbeat.

          3. FreeSociety

            That would be an easy choice. It’s the difference between rank maternalism and insufferable insanity.

  60. The Late P Brooks

    But the high performers are also suffering in this system, too. They’re forced to sit in a classroom for seven hours a day going over simple material and concepts at a snail’s pace. Eventually, intellectual atrophy sets in.

    No shit. I was bored out of my skull in school. I got lucky. Some of my teachers would just send me to the library instead of having me in the back of the class looking out the window and cracking jokes.

    1. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

      My High-school had, of all things, a mandatory typing class. It was right before Physics so, naturally, I used the time to complete my physics homework. Of course this did not sit well with the teacher and nearly got me suspended for my “insubordination.”

      1. FreeSociety

        I was thrown out of my typing class for refusing to position my hands awkwardly as I was instructed to do…even though I challenged the teacher to type-off which I won handily. In fact that’s probably why she threw me out of class. The funny thing is that she barely spoke any English at all and she was only the typing teacher because she didn’t speak enough English to teach a Spanish class.

        1. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

          Hah! Never though to do a typeoff… When they hauled me before the mast I just pointed out I was the only one in the room who had actually built a computer and could describe, generally, how one worked. My argument was I’d be using computers for the rest of my life and would naturally progress but I don’t have infinite time to receive instruction on mathematics and physics. Burning hours every week typing in class when I do it at home is asinine.

          1. FreeSociety

            The typeoff wasn’t very fair. It was like pistol whipping a blind, quadriplegic retarded child. I think her first introduction to a computadora was the first day she showed up to teach a typing class.

          2. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

            I think in my case a type-off wouldn’t have worked anyhow. Like she didn’t want me to be seen ignoring her, so she sent me into the hall and made a big deal of it in front of the class. I presume it was an attempt at public shaming, think I said something to the effect of thanks – the hall being much less noisy than a room full of kids typing. Now that I think of it, that’s probably why I always kept a clipboard in my backpack. I had to pick one up for doing work in the hall after being booted from the desk in class…

            The administration seemed to be very concerned about my lack of respect for authority and got involved after about a week of that and me being marked absent. Was fun watching them wrestle with the fact that I was in fact present and willing to work, just not type.

          3. FreeSociety

            I think we were the same person in high school. Everything you’ve described looks like an excerpt from my unapproved biography.

    2. Suthenboy

      ^This

      Same here. I finished up the algebra and trig texts by the end of the 8th grade because Mr. Miller let me be a ghost in the classroom. I turned my work in separate. He was old school. There were none of him in HS. I actually threw up my hands and quit trying by the end of my junior year. I scored highest in a statewide academic competition but the school board decided to hand it to someone else because ‘not fair’. I just started cutting class and drinking beer. I damn near didn’t graduate.

      1. {|}===[|}:;:;:;:;:;:;:>

        Fuck the system man. I hope the whole school choice thing finally burns it to the ground.

        1. FreeSociety

          They’re running scared. As evidenced by their behavior towards the new Dept of Educayshun chief bureaucrat. It’s literally to the point that a cabinet member and 15th in line to the presidency is being turned away by antifa thugs at the doors of elementary schools. I really wish for once that the boot of the state would find it’s way to a deserving leftist neck once in a while.