Monday Afternoon Links

Today isn’t exactly a fundraiser but I’d just like to remind everyone to hit the paypal:

Send me your money or I’ll be forced to stand outside your place of employment and sing this.

Also, anyone who sends more than $20 gets a free weekend with STEVE SMITH. Wait…

 

s/call-girl/baby

F*ck you, I’m Millwall now a beer. Also, killing random people with cars is no good. Worse than colonialism. Also, the French cops are racking up a pretty good score of dead bad guys.

 

It looks like poor computer security is back on the menu for news outlets. What’s different?

Dunphy and another brave Seattle cop shoot and kill pregnant woman in her own home*. (If the cops kill a pregnant mother, it’s just a fetus and not a baby, right?)

The Australian Eastern Abyss. Where evolution favors toxic masculinity.

 

Comments

326 responses to “Monday Afternoon Links”

    1. Mad Scientist

      Liar!

    2. DOOMco

      beautiful!

    3. DOOMco

      I think that scene got funnier when I realized he might be reading Pennsylvania as Pepe Silvia.

      1. Trolleric the Goth

        ….wow that would explain so much

  1. Worker and Parasite

    Not clicking the penis worm link.

    1. SugarFree

      How many times have you already been written up for getting an erection at work?

      1. Mad Scientist

        Not nearly as many times as I could have been. Amirite, fellas?

    2. Tonio

      It is rather disturbing. Looks like something out of a Ridley Scott film.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Now that you mention it, it does resemble Matt Damon.

    3. Enough About Palin

      You know sometimes a blind cusk eel is just an eel.

  2. Pan Zagloba

    Also, anyone who sends more than $20 gets a free weekend with STEVE SMITH. Wait…

    Whew, got me worried there for a second, but looks like I’m in the clear!

    1. Playa Manhattan

      We’re changing the policy. Anyone who sends more than $20 DOESN’T get a free weekend with STEVE SMITH.

      1. SugarFree

        Hey, now. Let’s not get judgey…

        For $20, you can choose whether or not we give STEVE SMITH your address.

        1. Caput Lupinum

          If we supply a fake address, is that a violation of the NAP? It would be the STEVE SMITH version of SWATing, right?

          1. SugarFree

            Yes, known to the kids as SMITHing.

      2. Rick C-137

        Extortion, ey? Well if that’s how you want to play it you’ll be getting a visit from…

        http://kentuckyghosts.com/strange-monsters/beast-land-between-lakes.php

        1. “There have been several reports of close encounters with the creature in modern times. One of the most frightening of these happened to a group of Murray State University students who were camping in the Land Between the Lakes in 1973.”

          We’ve all seen this movie like 100 times.

      3. Vhyrus

        Lucky me, I sent exactly $20.

  3. Playa Manhattan

    From the next town over:
    The good guy won, sort of.

    “Mayor Steve Aspel. You killed my child.
    For this, you will pay. Two years and seven months ago, I secretly planted 45 California Redwoods and 82 Giant Sequoias in various parks, yards, and state properties around your city.
    Today, each of their root systems will be at least 30 feet in diameter, and deeply embedded in the soil. You may have noticed the trees growing in front of city council, or that new one that sprouted up in your backyard. That’s a Giant Sequoia, and its growth will begin accelerating rapidly in the coming months.
    You killed Clyde, but I have replaced him with over 100 living giants. And giant they will become. In a few years, they’ll begin breaking heights of 100-300 feet and live well beyond 2,500 years. That’s way longer ago than Jesus was born. To remove even one of them at this point will cost well over $1500… And I’m stiffing you with the bill, just like you did to me 3 years ago today.”

    1. Rick C-137

      That is level of pettiness and crazy that I can only hope to reach one day. But he didn’t g full killdozer so Imma give it 8/10

      1. Brett L

        I assume the -2 is because he was obviously having sex with the tree?

        1. Rick C-137

          Something like that. The tree planting is awesome, and relatively peaceful in comparison, to the killdozer, if you don’t know the story here’s a little synopsis.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Heemeyer

          1. Rick C-137

            Ah, I see. No, just the sort of rage against the machine actions of a desperate man. The tree thing is way more passive aggressive.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaa

    3. thepasswordispassword

      Seems like it might be a fake from a few of the comments (climate, how does an arborist not think to plant a tree where it won’t ruin the sidewalk etc…) and the posting history of the original OP in r/Trees.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        I’m going to pretend that it’s not.

        The mayor is in fact a dick.

    4. Drake

      He’s in Redondo Beach! (A very crowded beach town near Los Angeles) Hardly room for big trees. Also not the right climate for redwoods and sequoias. If they don’t die off on their own, I better the city DPW owns a few chainsaws.

    5. Gadfly

      Your pull quote elides a very important detail: Clyde, his “child”, was not a child at all, but a tree. The city killed his favorite tree, so he maliciously planted 127 more. He’s kind of a nut.

      1. PBRstreetgang

        STEVE SMITH KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT NUTS AND TREES, THINK HE WOULD LIKE THIS GUY.

      2. Drake

        Hey he’s an arborist! Living in Maine, Wisconsin, Washington, one of the most densely packed communities in the country.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          At this point, I’m allowing for the idea that he might be a liar.

          1. Viking1865

            You think someone would do that? Just tell lies, on the Internet?

    6. R C Dean

      I kinda hope he did, mostly on the theory that he planted trees that you can’t just cut down because California and environment.

      1. Holger-da-Dane

        This is what I thought too. Planting trees that live 2500 years, are the size of sky scrapers, and are illegal to cut down would be the ultimate “Fuck Off, Slaver” to someone who killed his favorite tree.

        But I doubt it’s real.

  4. Rick C-137

    I know that we ask ironically, but seriously, when will progs and other authoritarian types start demanding the removal of cars from major urban areas? It fulfills so many of their dreams at once.

    1. SugarFree

      It’s been floated a number of times for NYC already. Basically, all or large portions of Manhattan would be foot traffic only aboveground.

      1. Rick C-137

        I didn’t know that, and yet am unsurprised.

    2. Playa Manhattan

      See: London

      1. Rick C-137

        I always understood that in London is was merely prohibatively expensive to get a car, but not impossible if you knew the right people.

      2. Sour Kraut

        Getting their asses handed to them by Paris

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      They do it coyly.

      Like telling everyone to use public transportation because it’s so great and civil.

      Why do you need a car when you get take the bus?!

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        when you can take the bus.

        /face palm.

        1. Enough About Palin

          When I was hired at my current job, I was given the option of either free indoor parking (downtown Minneapolis) which is like a $250/month benefit or a bus pass that lets me ride the bus anywhere in the 7-county metro area, worth about$150/month. I jumped at the bus pass. 14 years later — would do it again.

          1. Rufus the Monocled

            My day to day routine wouldn’t permit me to use public transportation. It’s fine if you go straight into an office but if you have to zip in and out while managing time, you kinda have to use the car.

          2. BakedPenguin

            Yup. Works in London and NYC, and other cities with highly concentrated pop centers. Places like LA, Phoenix, OK City, Ontario, Orlando… not so much

          3. Holger-da-Dane

            Those places will just have to fall in line, because “Gaia”.

          4. ArchieBunker

            I thought TSA was going to expand to bus stations.

      2. Hyperion

        That won’t work in Balmer. No one would go to work if they had to ride the bus.

    4. Drake

      Bloomberg did as much as possible to make NYC undrivable. Turns out businesses still need stuff delivered.

      1. SugarFree

        And DeBlasio has doubled down by endorsing Vision Zero.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vision_Zero

        1. Rick C-137

          Fuck all that noise. If I want to drive like douche then I pay the consequences (if any). I had not heard of it, but it sounds like some commie shit to me.

        2. Enough About Palin

          There’s really something called Vision Zero?

          1. Drake

            Sounds like a Gatorade flavor.

          2. Gustave Lytton

            People yearning for Year Zero?

          3. BakedPenguin

            He was all about exploring other worlds… or something.

          4. SugarFree

            Sometimes you just have to get your Orwell on, EAP.

          5. Agent Cooper

            Otherwise known as BLINDNESS.

        3. Akira

          A core principle of the vision is that ‘Life and health can never be exchanged for other benefits within the society’ rather than the more conventional comparison between costs and benefits, where a monetary value is placed on life and health, and then that value is used to decide how much money to spend on a road network towards the benefit of decreasing how much risk.

          Oh for fuck’s sake, this is where all those dumbass ideas keep coming from. Never ever?? If you carry that principle forward, then basically everything should be illegal because someone has probably died doing it at some point or another.

          Look, I’m all for designing roads to be safer (whether they’re run by the government or a private Libertopian enterprise) but this “zero traffic fatalities” is just as stupid as Hillary’s stated goal of “zero suicides”. This is a big reason why libertarianism appeals to me: instead of grasping at an impossible utopia, we compare the benefits and drawbacks of options that are actually possible. Libertarians are offering realistic solutions that will reduce – but certainly not eradicate – all sources of human misery. The rest of these politicians are just promising heaven on earth.

          1. R C Dean

            Life and health can never be exchanged for other benefits within the society

            Sounds like more precautionary principle bullshit.

          2. Holger-da-Dane

            I think we need to force them to take that principle to its conclusion. We can start asking them about the role of fossil fuels and GMO crops in the Third World, and whether or not they really love brown people as much as they say.

      2. wdalasio
    5. The Last American Hero

      It’s been floated in Seattle, which has 30 percent the urban density of NY. The idiocy of the left knows no bounds.

      1. Trolleric the Goth

        compared to east coast cities, seattle is extremely car friendly (street design wise, not politics wise)

        1. The Last American Hero

          It was OK until they let Amazon plop down in a congested area and hire 482,000 people.

        2. LT_Fish

          Seattle traffic is in the top 5 for worst in the nation. The bottlenecks for I-5 and I-405 are ridiculous with the number of major companies. If I worked there I would do my best to get an off-shift job. Parking is awful downtown as well.

  5. Rufus the Monocled

    Wonder Twin powers activate!

    Form a….ICE CANADIAN!

    1. Caput Lupinum

      ICE CANADIAN seems a tad redundant.

    2. bacon-magic

      Rufus…you need better material eh?

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        I’m flat out dry.

        1. R C Dean

          Time to re-order a new barrel o’ lube?

      2. BakedPenguin

        Dude, don’t hassle him, he lives in an ice-filled tundra devoid of life. We can’t judge.

  6. Tonio

    Love the cartoon, Brett.

    Also, the killer’s first name is Darwin and he’s from the affluent community of Sterling.

    Has any news outlet yet referred to him as a White Hispanic?

    1. Brett L

      The credit for the cartoon actually goes to SugarFree. I’m not that creative.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Love the cartoon, Brett.

    2. SugarFree

      Not yet.

      There was a tasty bit of schadenfreude on the Slate comments board when one of the resident battleaxes was screeching about WHY ISN’T SLATE COVERING A MUSLIM GIRL KILLED BY WHITE GUYS!!1! who abruptly disappeared when the news the person arrested was El Salvadoran.

      1. BakedPenguin

        Haven’t you heard? MS-13 is actually a white (Hispanic) supremacist organization.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Survey time-

    I have had an idea kicking around in my head for quite some time, and it suddenly occurred to me I could get some (potentially) useful feedback from the throng of gun nuts here.

    An in-the-wall gun safe. Not so much Fort Knox impregnable as camouflaged behind a picture or mirror. Either in the bedroom, or some part of the home one would retreat to in the event of a break-in. I’m still playing around with hinge geometry and locking mechanisms in my head. It would definitely be a mechanical, not electric, lock.

    Any feedback? Anybody know of such a thing already out there?

    1. Playa Manhattan

      Is it for a boom stick or a handgun?

    2. Brett L

      The ready-to-install ones all seem pretty big

    3. thepasswordispassword

      Wouldn’t any wall safe of the right size fit the bill? Add stealth or hidden keywords to get built-in camouflage options.

    4. Negroni Please

      You’re libertarianing wrong again. First line of defense is your pocket carry gun that’s on you at all times. In event of attack you fall back to your bedroom where you have a fullsize pistol in the nightstand. You use that to cover yourself as you continue all the way to your closet. In the closet is your cheap 12 gauge pump that you use to cover yourself while you open the safe. In the safe you have your evil black rifles. Once you get your EBR out you kill whatever ubermensch bad guys are miraculously still alive and then you get murdered by the police as they respond to your neighbor’s frantic 911 call about WWIII kicking off in the neighborhood.

      1. Mad Scientist

        Trap door in closet floor (or ceiling) allows you to escape.

      2. Heroic Mulatto

        That is shockingly like my actual home-defense set up.

        Do you watch me breath while I sleep?

        1. Negroni Please

          No. Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.

          …but you probably should get that sleep apnea checked out.

      3. Chipwooder

        I knew a somewhat paranoid fella who had multiple firearms stashed in every room in his house, including the bathrooms.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          That actually makes a lot of sense if you spend a lot of time on the toilet.

          And no, I’m not shitting the entire time. I just want some peace and quiet.

          1. Gustave Lytton

            Spray and pray…

          2. Mr Lizard

            *begins to narrow gaze*

            Can I get a ruling here?

          3. Finish him!

            *Narrows gaze*

          4. Not another euphemism….

      4. Vhyrus

        And to think I was worried about what this weeks firearms friday was going to cover…

      5. R C Dean

        Not bad, Negroni, but the first line of defense is the two pit beasts. Then the guns (carry and/or the .45, then the shotgun), and when I run out of ammo, the swords.

    5. Enough About Palin

      Do what my brother did with his valuables. When he was adding an addition to his house, he put them in a wall before throwing up the drywall. You could do that. just kick in the wall if you ever need it.

      1. Akira

        That reminds me of a really funny post I saw on a gun board once:

        “Cut through your drywall between two studs, remove the insulation, then put a shotgun in there. But instead of putting the drywall back, just tape a few pieces of paper over the hole and paint over the paper. When a criminal breaks in, just rip through the paper (which looks like ordinary wall) and pull out the shotgun. The intruder will probably faint in horror. He’ll be in jail later that night telling his cellmate, ‘yea man, I was just breaking into this house, and this motherfucker just rips a shotgun out of the wall. I shit myself.’”

    6. The Last American Hero

      I head to the library, where I flip back the head of the Shakespeare bust revealing the switch that opens the secret book case. From there, it’s a quick slide down the pole to where I have a roomful of gadgets stored.

    7. DOOMco

      for a lock, Simplex 1000 guts could be used well.
      CompX makes a smaller mechanical version for cabinets. I think they still make the mechanical one. they have a small electric one as well they use for hospitals (audit stuff)

      you could also use a S&G dial lock, they can fit inside the cabinet and you could even remove a disc if you want to have a two number combination for ease of entry.

    8. Raston Bot

      I’ve seen (but don’t have) plenty of in-wall, flush mount safes that you bolt between the studs that would be concealed by a tasteful painting, i.e. lots of bush.

    9. Sean

      Check out this site:
      http://www.mcssl.com/store/njconceal

      I don’t own any, but it looks very nice. Yes, they carry the mirror safes.

      1. Holger-da-Dane

        I sadly don’t own any of their products either, but have seen a lot of it in person.

        It’s both well made and nice looking.

    10. ArchieBunker

      Easy to build a false wall in most closets. There’s a multitude of diff hidden hinges to choose from. Though making it fireproof complicates it. I build a lot of chests with false bottoms, probably your cheapest route

  8. The Other Kevin

    Hey writers and commentors, thanks for brightening my day the last 2 weeks. One of my daughters was visiting friends in Utah and got sick, so the wife and I flew out there and spent about a week with her in the hospital, then we flew back to Chicago and spent some time in another hospital. My kid is going to be ok, though she still has a very narrow part of her intestine and will have to be tube fed for about a month until she’s able to have surgery. Anyway, the AM and PM links, and sometimes the STEVE SMITH links, were mostly what I read to keep me sane (or keep me insane, depending how you look at it).

    After this experience I’m considering writing a piece about how we don’t have a health care crisis in the USA, just an “insurance really fucks things up” crisis. Her care in both hospitals was fantastic.

    1. Worker and Parasite

      Her body rejected the Mormon infestation?

      Glad to hear she’s going to be ok.

      1. The Other Kevin

        Salt Lake City was like a foreign country. Almost everyone is LDS (aka Mormon). In the middle of the city is their big temple, which is still active and only LDS members can enter. I’m used to big cities where there is (kind of) separation of church and state. But here it’s not, and they make it very clear. Everyone I met was really nice, though, and the LDS church donated lots of food to the local Ronald McDonald House, which was nice.

        1. Haybob

          Does LSD make the LDS more appealing?

        2. The Other Kevin

          Probably, but considering you are only allowed to buy watered-down beer, and they arrest you if you cross the state line with anything stronger, it’s probably not wise to try.

          1. Worker and Parasite

            They do sell higher ABV beer in the state liquor stores, Poor selection, obviously, but they do have some.

            Really, the alcohol sales are the biggest knock I have against Utah. I’m happy to make fun of their religion, but most Mormons are extremely nice (and their plan to create the master race is going well), and SLC is much more pleasant than the usual Team Blue urban setting.

          2. BakedPenguin

            Fuck. Sorry, dude – on multiple counts, though it’s good to hear your girl will be okay.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Sorry to hear that. Good luck!

    3. Drake

      Glad she’s recovering.

      I think the whole Obamacare saga was a deliberate ploy to ruin private insurance. I loved the plan I had in 2008. What I have now, for much higher premiums, is fucking garbage.

      1. The Other Kevin

        I spent a lot of time in the hospital as a kid in the 70’s and 80’s, and my mom and dad keep telling me how great the insurance was, and how little they had to pay out of pocket. We haven’t yet begun the battle with the insurance company this time. Not looking forward to that.

    4. STEVE_SMITH

      STEVE SMITH GLAD TO HELP. AND FOR ONCE DOES NOT MEAN “RAPE”.

    5. Heroic Mulatto

      Just tell me how many of these types of gifs I need to embed to help you through this crisis.

      1. The Other Kevin

        Sorry, were you saying something?

      2. bacon-magic

        Fiddy more.

    6. Tonio

      Wishing the best for her, TOK.

    7. Brett L

      I’m glad your daughter is safe.

    8. Tundra

      Glad she’s ok, Kevin. Always fucking scary when the kids are not allright.

    9. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m glad your kid is going to be OK. I can’t post gifs like some people but that’s not my fault, blame the Top Men.

    10. It’s great to hear they expect her to get better, but what an ordeal, I’m sorry to hear it.

    11. wdalasio

      I’m glad your daughter is recovering.

    12. DOOMco

      Sorry to hear it, Kevin.
      Glad she’s going to be ok.

    13. The Other Kevin

      Thank you everyone.

    14. Akira

      Glad to hear she’s doing alright.

      PS: I read your entire post in Moe Szyslak’s voice.

      1. BakedPenguin

        “I read your entire post in Moe Szyslak’s voice.”

        Okay, so it wasn’t just me…

    15. Not an Economist

      Glad she is doing better.

    16. Holger-da-Dane

      Good to hear she’s on the mend.

    17. compgrokker

      That sucks, but glad to hear she’s doing better.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Handgun(s).

    Sorry.

    1. Playa Manhattan

      This should have you covered.

      FWIW, I do in wall safes for EVERYTHING, not just guns. If someone breaks in while you’re not home, the first thing they’re going to go for are the freestanding and bolt on safes. It doesn’t matter if you sink 3″ lags in your bolt on. With a long enough pry bar, a thief is going to walk away with it in less than a minute.

      I only have one bolt on, and I did it right. You’d have to bulldoze the house to get it.

      1. DOOMco

        The only downside to wall safes are sizing and a lack of options that are UL rated for fire. not that fire rating really matters for a place to hide a handgun.
        My rules for regular safes are:
        On concrete, ideally it was poured with a safe in mind (you could drop the safe into the floor a half inch)
        More than 700 pounds.
        Bolted.

        1. Tundra

          But even then, a big pry bar can do them, right?

          Hidden seems like a better plan.

          And a big dog.

          1. DOOMco

            if you can cover the gap, and bolt it, it’s going to take a lot.
            and even then, a good 1k pound safe won’t go anywhere. they will have to cut into it inside your house.
            which will take days, depending on how they go and what they know.

            The first place a burglar looks is the master bedroom, then the master bath.
            hidden is always better, and never advertise how much gold you have in your sentry safe.

          2. Tundra

            This would make a groovy article, Doom (hint, hint).

          3. DOOMco

            I could do one on safes. I’m not as good at concealment containers like what P Brooks is looking to make.
            I’ll start getting some resources together.

          4. Tundra

            Where burglars look would also be helpful. I like the idea of DIY concealment. Criminals have access to the same web sites we do…

      2. R C Dean

        With a long enough pry bar, a thief is going to walk away with it in less than a minute.

        My stand-up safe is in rather tight quarters – its perpendicular to a hallway which is barely wider than the safe. We pushed it into its niche with a car jack. Very little room to use a prybar or anything else to bust it loose. I actually have no idea how we could get it out.

        Its not going to be taken out of the house or forced. A safe-rated locksmith could get into it, but if they’ve got one of those on the crew, you’re done anyway.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          You care about your hallway. Thieves don’t.

      3. Agent Cooper

        I need to get some valuables first.

  10. Sour Kraut

    In pursuit of gender-balanced “Florida person” reporting:

    Florida Woman Allegedly Stole More Than $93,000 in City Funds to Pay for Brazilian Butt Lift

    The report also found that Clark, a former city staff specialist, used her credit card issued by the city 136 times for $61,000 in unauthorized charges, charged her supervisors’ credit cards 36 times for $31,000, and charged $500 to a coworker’s card that she used five times.

    She needs more than a butt lift.

    1. Hyperion

      That must have been a really really expensive plastic surgeon.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Did you see what he was working with?

  11. Apples and Knives

    The white dude in a van terrorist story is weird, right? Like, the only person who died was someone who was ALREADY having a heart attack before it happened? They weren’t really that close to the mosque and it was about midnight. Did he know a large group of Muslims would be walking down this street 4 or 5 blocks from the mosque at midnight? I’ll admit my skepticism could be cleared up fairly easily during the course of the investigation, so I’ll be following along.

    1. SugarFree

      If eyewitnesses are telling the truth, he repeatedly screamed “I WANT TO KILL ALL MUSLIMS!” after being dragged out of the van.

      1. thepasswordispassword

        I’m sure his motives will remain a mystery to investigators for months.

      2. Apples and Knives

        Right. Are they telling the truth and how many witnesses are we talking about? As far as I know, it’s not on the tape of him getting his ass kicked by the crowd. If it was his motivation, he’ll probably admit to it publicly soon enough. Also, tape of him saying it could still surface. Either of those things obviously would remove my skepticism.

        1. Apples and Knives

          Also, if he was following google maps to the mosque.

      3. FreeSociety

        The witnesses were the ostensible targets of the attack, a congregation of Muslims. So I don’t know. If some guy named John across the street corroborates that he shouted stuff about killing Muslims then it seems pretty clear it’s a retaliatory attack of some kind. I’m not sure of the terrorism label, whether or not he was doing it to cause a stir or garner attention or whether he just felt a personal desire to kill some specific category of people that day.

        Or he was a drunk driver, which is probably not the case if he was yelling shit about killing Muslims.

    2. JD

      Again, the BBC reported: “The prime minister said the driver acted alone, and police declared it a terrorist incident within eight minutes.”

      1. Chipwooder

        That does seem to be a bit of a departure from the way these things are normally handled.

        1. JD

          Not when it’s the other way around. The Coulter Rule: The longer we go without being told the race of the terrorist, the less likely it is to be white men.

      2. Agent Cooper

        So, the government sent a crazy person to drive a van into a crowd of Muslims? Sounds legit.

      3. Agent Cooper

        So the UK government hired a crazy person to drive a van into a crowd of Muslims? Sounds legit.

  12. Caput Lupinum

    Any feedback? Anybody know of such a thing already out there?

    Something like this? Or are you looking for something smaller that Just takes hand guns?

    1. Playa Manhattan

      I like this idea. No threaded relies to P Brooks.

      1. Caput Lupinum

        If I have to work to find his replies, he can work to find mine.

    2. DOOMco

      And that lock look exactly like the 1000. I am 99% sure kaba made that.

  13. Enough About Palin

    “Man who said he robbed bank to get away from wife sentenced to home confinement”

    http://kdvr.com/2017/06/15/man-who-said-he-robbed-bank-to-get-away-from-wife-sentenced-to-home-confinement/

    1. Hyperion

      Couldn’t he just have moved out if he wanted to get away from her?

    2. Holger-da-Dane

      A judge with a sense of humor.

  14. Enough About Palin

    That cartoon makes no sense. WTF?

    1. JD

      Blame Brett!

    2. Tonio

      In the DC area a man named Darwin Martinez Torres killed a teenage Muslim girl.

  15. Haybob

    Gun sales down, shootings up.

    Mostly correlation in this article, but it does show that taxing guns does nothing to stop shootings.

    How is a tax on guns even constitutional? It isn’t any more different than a poll tax.

    1. Sour Kraut

      Correlations? You mean “LINK FOUND BETWEEN…”

      1. Haybob

        Whoops was meaning to type that in a sarcastic manner accidentally hit send.

    2. Akira

      Despite being specifically mentioned in the Constitution, guns are not considered a civil right by “progressives”. Remember, asking for an ID to vote is the same exact thing as banning black people from the polling place, but it’s totally cool (and in fact a really great idea) for a gun purchase to require an ID, a background check, a psychiatric examination, a face-to-face interview with the chief law enforcement officer, and all kinds of special taxes and fees.

  16. Brett L

    So you guys are down with white ligers right? I mean, interspecies breeding, hybrid vigor, what’s not to love?

    1. Negroni Please

      WHITE POWER THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      Liger? What the fuck? Did you just teleport in from the antebellum South circa 1870?

      The correct term is Panthera-American, asshole.

      1. Tonio

        Antebellum means before the war, so would have to be before April 21, 1861 to be antebellum. /pedant

        1. Negroni Please

          he didn’t specify which war.

          /bigger pedant

          1. Enough About Palin

            Don’t mention the war!

          2. commodious spittoon

            You started it!

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      GOSH!

      1. JD

        It’s only my favorite animal!

    4. White ligers are what you get when you cross White Lion and Glass Tiger, right?

  17. John Titor

    Man, the recommended the WaPo throws at you are hilarious:

    Trump attorney Michael Cohen tweets photo of his college-aged daughter in lingerie.

    A teacher’s decision to be ‘visibly queer’ in his photo with President Trump.

    I’m sensing a pattern here guys, almost like they’re writing shitty clickbait hatchet jobs or something.

    1. Rick C-137

      Almost as though they have minimal training beyond recognizes grievances and airing them in the least coherent way possible.

    2. Playa Manhattan

      The first one caught my attention. Did they actually follow through?

      1. FreeSociety

        There is also a link to her Instagram photos. She apparently has a strict rule of only allowing females that I would have sex with onto her Instagram page.

        1. Vhyrus

          Is it really that strict then?

    3. Just Say’n

      “writing shitty clickbait hatchet jobs or something”

      God forbid, not the Washington Post. That is a fine propaganda piece

    4. Viking1865

      A teacher’s decision to be ‘visibly queer’ in his photo with President Trump.

      Trump ought to reply to that dude’s tweet with this image

      http://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/scalefit_720_noupscale/5818b1d9150000d80453109b.jpeg?cache=mqwkhh4rms

    1. Rick C-137

      One of y’all this morning or last night was looking for a definition of queer, the article provides:

      ‘describes being queer as “the cohesion of everything in conflict with the heterosexual capitalist world.’

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        heterosexual capitalist world

        What do Castro’s Cuba, Stalin’s USSR, and Mao’s China have in common?

        1. John Titor

          That’s different HM, those homosexuals were only being gay because they internalized and sexualized the systemic exploitation of the bourgeois!

          1. Heroic Mulatto

            I see.

          2. Tonio

            Golf clap for JT.

          3. John Titor

            I can’t take credit for it, I borrowed it from actual reports by Soviet psychologists.

          4. Rick C-137

            They wrote that? How the hell is there a single LGBTetc, that can support Marxism?

          5. Sour Kraut

            I was once told that it was official Soviet policy that homosexuality was bourgeois decadence and so by definition didn’t exist in the Worker’s Paradise.

            As a result gay people were left alone and gay Soviet life was actually pretty good, although the AIDS crisis really tore through the community.

            Then again the guy who told me that spend the entire 1980s in a cocaine-fuelled downward spiral, so I’m not sure he knew up from down in those days.

          6. John Titor

            Homosexuality was largely characterized as a mental and/or social illness in the Soviet Union. It was seen as a form of ‘bourgeois degeneracy’, where yes, it was argued that ‘tops’ were effectively exploiting ‘bottoms’ based on a sexual version of Soviet class theory. Open homosexuals were to be ‘removed’ from society for its betterment, which mostly resulted in imprisonment in hospitals or sanitariums. There also was an open association between homosexuality and pedophilia pushed by Soviet health agencies. It was decriminalized by Lenin in 1917, then recriminalized in 1933 until the Union’s collapse. Homosexual material or writings in favour of the practices could net you several years of prison.

            People act like Russian views towards homosexuality are strictly a product of the Orthodox Church, when in reality the Soviets are a far greater cause.

        2. Tonio

          Cults of personality?

          1. Heroic Mulatto

            Indeed, in full living colour!

          2. Scruffy Nerfherder

            +1 Funk Metal

          3. Tundra

            Fucking awesome. I saw them back in like 91 when they opened for the Stones. They were the best band on the stage that night.

          4. Chipwooder

            Vernon Reid is a helluva guitarist

      2. Chipwooder

        Does Peter Thiel inhabit the homosexual capitalist world? I’m so confused….

      3. Scruffy Nerfherder

        What about bisexual loan officers?

    2. John Titor

      Can anyone give me a good reason why they haven’t been classified as a terrorist group? Because the only difference I see between them and something like the Symbionese Liberation Army is that they haven’t murdered anybody yet.

      Other publications include burning the Canadian flag ahead of the country’s 150th anniversary

      Uh, the flag’s only been around since 1965 guys, go ahead, I want to get back to the old one anyway.

      1. Caput Lupinum

        Too busy, includes French elements. You’re current flag sucks, but that one is hideous.

        1. John Titor

          That’s our coat of arms, you uncultured American swine. And French Canadians were awesome and usually on the ‘right side of history’ until the 1960s.

          1. Caput Lupinum

            Still too busy, still too French. I hate most commonwealth flags for the same reasons, minus the French. They look like city or state flags, not country flags.

          2. John Titor

            It tells the story of our nation. The Ensign is honest, it reveals our culture and history. Utilitarian and minimalist designs are boring and generic in contrast.

      2. Tundra

        Yeah, that’s a much better flag.

        Reminds me a little of this.

        1. commodious spittoon

          What’s up with the Dalek?

          1. Tundra

            Who?

          2. Juice

            I thought it was a shuttlecock.

      3. Rick C-137

        As far as I can tell it is mostly the fact that they have a mostly sympathetic press, and haven’t killed anyone. They probably will at some point and then will find out exactly how lenient the public has been with them ( unless they commit the deed in a deep blue area)

      4. I prefer to celebrate the Treaty of Westminster, anyway.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      Holy shit the ignorance of and lack of awareness is breath taking with those idiots. We beat ’em once my ass. They would have been the fucken BLACK AND BROWN SHIRTS.

      Morons.

      1. John Titor

        It’s especially tiring to hear them throw out the ‘we’, like these pieces of human garbage are in anyway comparable to the calibre of a World War 2 Allied serviceman. Smashing bike locks over non-violent people’s heads and ganging up to beat old men on the ground is truly the same thing as open warfare.

        1. Rick C-137

          It’s perception above reality though. I think that’s why so many of them are shocked when they meet actual resistance. Someone posted a video of an AntiFa trans person clocking a dude and then getting knocked the fuck out by the counterblow. They think they are the next red guard, they are in fact children playing with a loaded gun.

          1. DOOMco

            I was watching a bunch of videos of antifa this morning for some reason. some patterns I saw

            Person not dressed in any ‘side’ clothing has a camera and asks antifa if they want to talk.
            Antifa #2-4 start to take note, circle closer. Antifa #1 says something about “they way you are perceived… My opinion”
            Person glances camera at #2-4 as they are acting like sharks.
            #2-4 start yelling things like Nazi, #1 is some sort of PR rep talking about feelz and perception.
            #2-4 push camera man out of the area. camera man says something like “don’t touch me, man.”
            #2-4 deploy tactics usually reserved for teenage siblings. signs are used as a medium for pushing, blocking, annoying.
            “I’m not touching you, Im not touching you!” *silly string*
            #1 distracts and explains why #2-4 are acting in self defense
            #2 sneaks up behind the man with an air horn and blows it next to his ear
            more silly string, more flag draping, more “I’m not touching you, you racist.”

            It’s like a bunch of even weaker minded hihns. the camera man, by asking to talk, is a nazi and it is now ok to assault him.
            cuz bully self defense

          2. Vhyrus

            If someone blows an air horn within 3 feet of your ear that is flat out assault. Deck him.

          3. westernsloper

            The thing that should piss any sane person off about Dooms video, it that state resources are being expended for that stupidity. I don’t have words for how dumb that all is. If they were protesting the us getting into a bigger war in Syria, I might give a shit.

          4. EvilSheldon

            Yeah. It seems like this entire lame-ass process could be circumvented by flat-nosing the first asshole to touch you…

          5. Rick C-137

            I get a similar feel, their tactics revolve around numerical superiority and intimidation, once challenge by an equal force or a competent one they tend to melt away. I saw a video that you may have where an AF dude straight up assaults a camera guy in front of cops, cops come over, arrest dude for assault that they witnessed, meanwhile AF’s associate are screaming that the assaulted party started it and hit first.

        2. Rufus the Monocled

          Good point.

          A kind of stolen valour they’re engaging in. These worthless cucks aren’t worthy of serving ‘the greatest generation’ water.

        3. Yusef drives a Kia

          As soon as they try it on this Old Man it’ll be Open Warfare

      2. Drake

        ^This^ or at least collaborating frenchies.

        – Antisemitic (at least against practicing Jews): check
        – Socialists: check
        – Eager to use violence for political gain: check
        – Hate with a passion anyone not onboard their crazy train: check

        A real indictment of our educational systems that these pukes don’t recognize that they are in fact fascists.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    I do in wall safes for EVERYTHING, not just guns.

    There would be room for the pouch of Kruggerrands, fake passport, that stuff, of course.

    Mostly a secure and kidproof option.

    I have a couple of loaded handguns lying around unsecured, but I have no kids and damn few visitors.

    1. Spartan Dad

      I have a couple of loaded handguns lying around unsecured, but I have no kids and damn few visitors.

      I heard about a guy without kids who left his gun safe unlocked for quicker access. Came home one day to find his house broken into and the gun safe cleaned out. All the guns were gone except a beat up old shotgun laying on the bed in front of the safe. It was loaded even though he kept all of his guns unloaded.

      The gun had been set aside to kill the owner with if he came home early and surprised the thieves during the robbery.

  19. Chipwooder

    STEVE SMITH GO TO SCOTLAND FOR GOOD SCOTCH AND NESSIE RAPE….MOSTLY JUST NESSIE RAPE

  20. Vhyrus

    I am not sure what the comic is referencing, but you realize that ‘killed’ is written twice in the first panel, right?

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      Well, sure. She was “killed killed”, as opposed to merely half-killed.

      1. commodious spittoon

        You’re killing me, Buster.

      2. You mean after she was rape-raped.

    2. Tonio

      Latino man in NoVa kills teenage Muslim girl.

    3. SugarFree

      I don’t photoshops gud.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    I knew a somewhat paranoid fella who had multiple firearms stashed in every room in his house, including the bathrooms.

    I knew a gun store owner in Indianapolis who used the gun stashed in the store bathroom to kill two guys who were trying to rob the store. One of them had taken him into the back to put a bullet in his head, and he managed to get to the gun.

    1. Vhyrus

      A gun store owner that doesn’t carry a gun? Shenanigans.

      1. Akira

        Indeed. At every gun store I’ve ever visited (here in southwest Ohio), every employee has a full-size pistol on their hip. And of course, there is no physical location where I feel safer.

    2. AlmightyJB

      These guys have some pretty cool products. Bed safes wouldn’t be fast access but could hold a lot of stuff wo taking up extra space somewhere.

      http://bedgunsafe.com/products/

  22. AlmightyJB

    Yeah, nothing to indicate any sort of mental issues here.

    http://abc6onyourside.com/news/offbeat/woman-accused-of-lighting-fires-on-sidewalks

    1. Vhyrus

      Jesus tap dancing christ she looks like a skyrim character.

      1. Hyperion

        It’s Portlandia.

    2. Rick C-137

      That’s some hella inkwork right thar. Nothing says crazy like face art

      1. tarran

        Man, that’s a very, very weathered 36.

        1. Drake

          There’s a whole lifetime of bad habits and decisions in that picture.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Every Pugh I’ve ever known has been a little on the rough side,

    3. Brett L

      “It’s been a very volatile year!”

    4. Chipwooder

      Makes me think of the old Far Side cartoon, “How nature says ‘keep away’”

  23. Tundra

    ST is great, but this song works, too.

  24. Pan Zagloba

    The True Canadian Crisis begins.

    A group of Tim Hortons franchisees have launched a $500-million class-action lawsuit against the parent company for mismanagement of the brand, accusing the chain’s owners of making it harder for them to stay in business.

    The group of franchisees, who call themselves the Great White North Franchisee Association, say that ever since the firm Restaurant Brands bought the iconic coffee and doughnut chain and merged it with Burger King in 2014 their costs have increased, but the new owners haven’t allowed them to raise prices to recoup those costs.

    The Great War has started.

    1. Vhyrus

      Everyone knows where dey were wen da Hortons wars started, eh. I was doontoon when I heard da shots come in, donchano.

    2. Rick C-137

      Something, something White Walkers, something, something Night’s Watch, something, something, King of the North…

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      All I know is TH’s seems to fuck around with their muffin recipes and pulling flavours off the the shelf way too much.

      The other day I bought a carrot muffin and it was filled with some kind of cream shit in the middle. It was like being tricked or something. Now I feel like each time I go I have to ask what they did to their products.

    4. westernsloper

      Among the allegations in the statement of claim is that the parent company is misusing the millions of dollars that franchisees pay for marketing.

      Then change the signs on your building and put TH out of business.

      *my kingdom for a 12 grain bagel toasted with butter and a large double double right now.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    If I have to work to find his replies, he can work to find mine.

    NTTAWWT

  26. commodious spittoon

    When is Seattle going to address its long history of racism and oppression?

  27. Caput Lupinum

    NTTAWWT

    Of course not, turn about is always fair play.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    A gun store owner that doesn’t carry a gun? Shenanigans.

    Link

    Montgomery told police two men came into his store sometime in the
    morning and acted like they wanted to buy a gun, said Lt. William M.
    Reardon of the Indianapolis Police Department.

    “They looked at several, then said they had to leave to get some
    money,” Reardon said.

    Shortly after 11 a.m., the two men came back to the store.

    “They said they would take a certain gun. When Montgomery bent over to
    get it out of a showcase, one of the customers pulled a pistol from
    his pants and disarmed Montgomery,” Reardon said.

    He wasn’t exactly lax on security, but…

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Oops.

    Link

    1. Juice

      Um, thanks for the story from 1998?

    2. Juice

      Oh, ha ha! I didn’t realize you were trying to reply to comments above.

  30. Chipwooder

    So do we have a real name for “Consuela Locarina” yet or what?

    1. DOOMco

      this isn’t 4chan.
      we’re just unenriched autism.

      1. Tundra

        ^^^ WIn.

      2. Rick C-137

        -1 KEK

    2. Vhyrus

      Check the newest post. I put it under there.

  31. grrizzly

    Otto Warmbier died this afternoon. Sad. Somehow the Norks managed to kick him out before he died.

    1. Q Continuum

      It is indeed sad. It’s a cautionary tale for thinking that it’s cute and funny to go play tourist in a prison-nation run by murderous thugs. It’s insane to think that it would be fun to go visit a place like that and I would have moral objections to spending money supporting it. Poor kid though.

      1. Even at his age or younger I wouldn’t have done something as foolish as be a tourist in an Orwellian nightmare state–hell, I could barely afford to go to Ocean City in the summer–but I keep coming back to the fact that all this happened to him because he might have taken a poster as a souvenir. And this means that not just one but numerous people in the North Korean state effectively murdered this kid over it. If there’s a clearer example of evil on Earth than North Korea, I can’t imagine what it could be.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    I didn’t realize you were trying to reply to comments above.

    I endeavor to persevere.

    1. DOOMco

      shouldn’t laugh this hard at that.

  33. xenophon

    The quick answer: No. No Google does not.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa8nc27Jb8E

    1. Vhyrus

      A not terribly well thought out honest answer immediately followed by a truckload of mealy mouthed bullshit. Pretty par for the course.

    2. Q Continuum

      They refuse to be a forum for hate criminals and their word violence!

    3. DOOMco

      DO NOT GO INTO THE COMMENTS.

  34. Q Continuum

    Where the hell is everyone? Working or something? This is a pathetic turnout for afternoon links. I am disappoint.

    1. Mad Scientist

      You think this beer is just going to drink itself? I don’t have time to comment here AND drink.

    2. Yusef drives a Kia

      Jeez, I started at 6 and finished at 2:30 no lunch, and I’m here, hot enough for ya? 97 here in Upland

    3. commodious spittoon

      HM is a SPLITTER is what.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        henlo commodious
        hello you STINKY COMMENTOR
        go read an article ugly

        1. DOOMco

          GoReAdAnArTiClEuGlY

  35. DOOMco

    Hey, Canada pol’s avoid questions like the bosses they are.

  36. Yusef drives a Kia

    So, I evicted* my Son and he has to be out by 7-7-17, he’s actually taking it seriously and I have decided to Gift him My 2000 Kia Sephia,IF he has enough cash to move out.
    Even though He needs to get out he needs a car, and I have a spare Kia so why not? BTW he’s 25 yrs old and a great HVAC mechanic like his Dad.

    *In Cali you can’t just kick your kid to the curb like my mom did in the 70’s, you have to take them to court

    1. Akira

      You know who else kicked people out of where they were living?

      1. DOOMco

        Randy and Lahey?

        1. commodious spittoon

          FUCK OFF, LAHEY.

          1. Heroic Mulatto

          2. DOOMco

            ‘Christian’ server.

          3. Mad Scientist

            I was created from the rib of a Xerox machine.

          4. Mad Scientist

            s/I/It/

          5. commodious spittoon

            a/s/l?

      2. New London, CT?

    2. Mad Scientist

      You had to go to court to get your kid to move out of your house!?

      I’m calling it. The end is nigh.

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s what I said

        1. Holy crap, you weren’t being facetious. I…I can’t even.

          All I’m saying is that if I were falling asleep in a home where the owner, parent or no, has been forced to schedule a court hearing to get my ass to move out, I would be very, very worried that I might not wake up.

    3. Playa Manhattan

      Yusef drives a Nothing?

      Oh, you have a spare.

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        Wife has a 4 door Forte, nice car

    4. commodious spittoon

      Are you going to colonize his bedroom with a pool table and dart board?

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        A new Breakfast nook actually, the Wife is missing a foot and I can make a sweet area for her, so I will

        1. My daughter is 2, and we’re swapping her smaller nursery with my larger office to get ready for child number 2 in the next year or so. There’s gonna be a time when I’ve got the nursery set up as my office but the office isn’t a nursery yet, and I’m already thinking, “Is there some way we can just stick a crib in the living room? I mean, we’ve got dog gates, we could just kind of pen her in at night and still have the room back.”

    5. Agent Cooper

      Wait, you have more than one Kia? What kind of shitlord does that make you?

  37. fried

    Dr. Shakshuka has your prescription ready (basically eggs poached in tomato sauce). His not-so-secret-ingredient is paprika.

    Ingredients:
    1/4 cup canola
    1-2 green chili peppers, sliced
    1 head of garlic
    ~6 large ripe tomatoes, sliced
    2 tsp salt
    1 tbsp hot paprika
    2 tsp sweet paprika
    ~6 eggs

    Heat oil in a skillet. Add garlic (pressed) and chilies and saute. Add tomato slices and salt; lower heat when it begins to bubble. Cook tomatoes until soft (10-15 minutes). The tomato skins will practically fall off at some point; if you like, you can remove them with tongs or a fork or whatever. Add the paprika and stir. Crack open and add the eggs; spread out the whites a bit without breaking the yolks. Cook for another 3-4 minutes until the eggs are cooked to your liking. At this point you can also raise the heat a bit for about 30 seconds to get the oil to come to the surface if you wish to drain it.

    Potential embellishments include olives, eggplant, cheeses such as feta, etc.

    The good doctor recommends eating straight from the skillet. Or not. You’re libertarians; do what you like.

    1. Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m thinking use the sauce for a grown up Chicken maybe?

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        Dead of course, or flung around your head, whatever works

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      Excellent!

    3. DOOMco

      woah.

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s Why Jews cant hide behind a tree, Chicken feathers everywhere
        /I love Jews!

        1. fried

          That and trees are snitches. Except for the gharqad tree, supposedly.

    4. westernsloper

      So Chile Rellenos. This is America, We speak Mexican. Add some cheese, and keep up. I like the addition of paprika though.

        1. westernsloper

          me either

      1. Viking1865

        It’s more like Israeli Huevos Rancheros.

      2. Bro, do you even stuffed peppers?

        I’d link a recipe but that’s almost like saying, “This is the recipe for making a sandwich.”

    5. Shakshuka is the mf’ing man! I tried to sell my wife on it to add some variety to our usual terrible eating habits, but she couldn’t get into it. I think it was the idea of eggs as neither a standalone element nor a mixed-in component that threw her.

      I do a quick hangover Sunday version with canned whole peeled tomatoes and a small can of green chiles. Turns out ok, but I suspect fresh tomatoes would take it to a whole other level. Also, I suspect quality paprika is key.

  38. KibbledKristen

    Some light aviation geek viewing. I always love the behind the scenes shit.

    1. westernsloper

      light viewing? It is an hour long. I have had relationships shorter than that.

      1. Relationship with the palm of your hand, I assume.

      2. KibbledKristen

        Light as in non-technical! Sheesh!

    1. Q Continuum

      Paraphrasing: “defending classical liberal values has become a conservative position”. It was always thus in the United States. Since the founding of the nation was built on classical liberal values, “conservatism” has meant conserving those values. Unlike conservatism, or right-wing, thought in Europe which was usually associated with pro-monarchy and strict class structure, US conservatism has always been associated with liberty, free association and traditional “liberal” values.

    2. Nice. I’ve seen him interviewed in a couple other venues, and he seems like he’s got his head screwed on pretty tight. I’ve actually wondered if I might better classify myself as a “classical liberal” rather than a “libertarian”, in part because I hate that liberalism has come to mean socialism, in part because “libertarian” has become associated with people like Vermin Supreme and the LP’s astonishing idiocy, and in part because I tend to think of myself as a conservative along the lines Rubin describes in that video.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        Eh. Too often “classical liberal” has become shorthand for “I’d be a libertarian, but I want government to have the power to prevent people I think are icky from moving here.”

    3. Fatty Bolger

      That was really good.

  39. Q Continuum

    So…. how ’bout that Karen Villarreal chick eh?