Friday Afternoon Links

Happy Friday, Its already beer-thirty here at Glibs HQ (Florida). I’m enjoying a Tampa Lager Cigar City, close enough I can drive to, far enough I don’t go very often because my wife bitches about the cost of the Uber ride home.

To the people who get shitty with us

When NPR and Google do it, GMO is the future! I’d love for all the mosquitoes to go sterile and die.

I feel like Tom Friedman when I cheered a little about this.

You know who else didn’t want migrants to breed?

Florida Man fails at his Thelma & Louise impression.

 

 

Too subtle for some

A little bit of cheesiness to get your Friday afternoon kicked off. Fun fact, if you play it at double speed it sounds like an actual thrash-metal band.

 

Comments

488 responses to “Friday Afternoon Links”

  1. Denmark sure has a heck of a lot of nerve promoting birth control for black people while their whole country is shaped like a dick.

    1. Negroni Please

      I don’t care about that, but I DO care that Denmark is the land of open faced sandwiches. Fuck Smørrebrød and fuck you too Denmark. You gave us Kierkegaard so we won’t nuke your sorry asses but you guys are officially on notice!

      1. John Titor

        Complaining about Scandinavian cuisine is like complaining about Italian engineering or German humour, it just makes you look crazy.

        1. Italian Engineering has it’s high points.

          Admittedly, some of those were about two thousand years ago…

          1. kinnath

            Roman engineering versus Italian engineering.

          2. Enough About Palin

            But what have the Romans ever done for us?

        2. Bavarians have humor.

        3. Ever heard of surströmming? Makes lutefisk sound appetizing.

          1. I don’t know, I’ve never surströmmed before, *giggle.*

          2. Pope Jimbo

            Uffda! Ted, lutefisk is appetizing.

        4. Sour Kraut

          Don’t go bashing Italian engineering over on Reasonoids, you will find yourself up against spirited defenders.

        5. Chipwooder

          I don’t know, I always enjoyed Danish butter cookies when my mom used to buy them in those big tins.

          On the other hand, I have a memory of her giving up canned Danish bacon as a kid, which was so salty that we couldn’t eat it. Who cans bacon? And why the hell did we have it in the first place? Ain’t no Danes in the family tree.

          1. Chipwooder

            Giving US….damn you autocorrect.

          2. Count Potato

            Sure it wasn’t canned ham? That used to be very popular.

          3. Chipwooder

            Nope, it was bacon. My dad still brings it up sometimes to tease her.

          4. Rhywun

            Ah… memories of German Dosenfleisch – canned “meat” (parts).

      2. Holger-da-Dane

        Fuck Smørrebrød

        HOW DARE YOU!!!1!

        and fuck you too Denmark.

        Meh.

      3. jesse.in.mb

        Fuck Smørrebrød

        Whoa there buddy.

        1. Some people will fuck anything.

          1. Enough About Palin

            Especially in my north Minneapolis neighborhood.

      4. C. Anacreon

        Hey! They also are the ones who invented the cherry Danish.

        1. Negroni Please

          Actually Danish pastries were actually invented by Austrians. Stupid Europe.

          1. Negroni Please

            hmmmm need to add one more ‘actually’

          2. Brett L

            When are you moving to Tampa? Did you guys find a place yet?

          3. Negroni Please

            Dr. Girlfriend is there right now house hunting, but is flying back tonight so she has to pull the trigger on something. So far she likes Carrolwood and New Tampa areas. She’s moving there in a week or so and I’m staying here for another month to pack up the house, tie up loose ends, and train the poor bastard that will replace me at work.

            Hopefully we’ll be settled in for real by mid September.

          4. Brett L

            Sweet. Good luck.

          5. Negroni Please

            Danke. I’ll update you when we get there and maybe we can grab a beer at some point. Or go halfsies on a meth lab or something. Also, I’m sort of contemplating getting USF season tickets right behind the bench so I can show up in burnt orange and relentlessly heckle Charlie Strong. I hear that being a dipshit and general public nuisance is how you fit in as a Floridian so I want to get a jump on acclimating.

          6. Brett L

            Also, I’m sort of contemplating getting USF season tickets right behind the bench so I can show up in burnt orange and relentlessly heckle Charlie Strong.

            This might be the greatest idea ever

          7. Negroni Please

            You need to tell that to Dr. Girlfriend. She seems to think that spending ~$700 and like 24 hours of real time on an elaborate prank that might end up getting her fired from her new job is a BAD idea. I’m still leaning towards yes though.

          8. CatoTheElder

            I lived in Tampa when I was a kid. All I remember is mosquitoes and the sultry, humid heat.

          9. I’m Here To Help

            I live in the Carrollwood area. Let me know if you want any insights…

          10. Holger-da-Dane
        2. Caput Lupinum

          The Austrians are responsible for the Danish pastry.

          1. Caput Lupinum

            Dammit!

            Wait, I can save this, you what else the Austrians were responsible for?

          2. Tundra

            FALCO!!

          3. John Titor

            Hayek?

          4. one true athena

            the Governator?

          5. Barbara Schett?

          6. Very Lamarr?

          7. Damn auto-correct. That’s Hedley, of course.

          8. Mad Scientist

            What the hell are you worried about? This is 1874. You’ll be able to sue her.

          9. hayeksplosives

            Defending the gates of Vienna (and by extension, Western Europe) against the Ottomans in the 17th century? Thus defending Europe from the shackles of Islamic law until about 2025 I’m guessing.

          10. Enough About Palin

            Gustav Klimt

          11. Enough About Palin

            ?

          12. Vienna sausages?

          13. Yusef drives a Kia

            Still eat em

          14. The word “Weiner”?

          15. Agent Cooper

            Their wonderful language?

        3. Holger-da-Dane

          “Danish pastry” as it exists in the US basically can’t be had in Denmark. The closest thing is called “Viennese bread”, is made from puff pastry, and NEVER FUCKING CONTAINS CHERRIES YOU BARBARIAN.

      5. Gilmore

        i have never really accepted the idea that a pile of meat with gravy on it is a “Sandwich”

        1. Count Potato

          Chicken a la king isn’t a sandwich. But roast beef and gravy is. That’s not consistent. Then again, no one eats “closed” chicken a la king sandwiches.

          1. Gilmore

            I dispute this.

            I DO think an open-faced Monte Cristo MUST be consumed with maple syrup and a vanilla milkshake. Because Greek diners.

    2. Trigger Hippie

      Is it just me, or has your tongue grown a touch saucy over the last month or so?

      And he used to be such a nice boy…

      1. Bad influences. I have been hanging out with these libertarian reprobates, they’re all…oops, I mean, nothing.

        1. Trigger Hippie

          gooble gobble! gooble gobble!

      2. Mad Scientist

        He used to cut my grass!

    3. Count Potato

      Maybe see a urologist?

      1. OK, a dick drawn by a conceptual artist.

    4. Holger-da-Dane

      Denmark has always had a hard-on for progressive politics.

    5. Sour Kraut

      *insert malt liquor joke*

  2. Vhyrus

    almost first.

    1. Trigger Hippie

      That’s what she said?

      1. hayeksplosives

        Obligatory (Yes I am old)

  3. How do you find the actual boundary between a property and the road?

    To explain, after the brush with Code Enforcement, I started researching the property lines. My lot is five feet wider than my house on the tax records, but the road is more than five feet from the edge of the house. I’m wondering if my property edge is actually the sidewalk and I own some of the alley, or if my north wall is actually on someone else’s land (I could file adverse possession for it though, since the house is 100+ years old)

    1. ArchieBunker

      Depends on the locality i do believe. Just spend 3 or 4 hours digging through city and state planning guides and you should find your answer.

      1. Where would I look to find them? Google gave me nothing relevent for my city.

        1. ArchieBunker

          Go to your local courthouse. You should have no trouble finding a bureaucrat thats happy to help. Id dig into county and city bylaws. Localities still think its 1967, cant be having useful info on a website

        2. ChipsnSalsa

          My county has a very nice website for looking a property maps and taxes. Not sure on how exact they are but it could be a place to start.

          1. I found that map, but the problem is translating the lines on the map to the real world – the tax map does not contain anything that will help me fix those boundaries without hiring a surveyor. Hense my question about finding the edge of the road and the start of my lot as far as the tax map is concerned.

          2. Brett L

            Take a tape measure from the crown of the road.

          3. I’d complain about the improperly contoured road and the traffic, but those are a given in New York…

          4. C. Anacreon

            I’m the Tax Map, yeah, I’m the Tax Map…..

            /Beatles as sung by Dora the Explorer

          5. RBS

            Taxation! Is! Theft!

          6. PBRstreetgang

            Pop culture intersectionality. I dig it.

          7. Enough About Palin

            It’s no secret that I would pay ten grand to fuck Dora the Explorer in the ass. Ten grand.

          8. RBS

            Get a survey.

          9. I may need to. I ran out there and got a measurement from the middle of the road.

            The road width on the tax map is 60 feet. From the middle of the road to my wall is 30. I may own the whole alley, as it’s 5 feet from my house to the building next door. (The same five feet my lot is wider than my house…)

          10. Dammit.

            $1,000 to get a boundary survey done.

          11. Gadfly

            I may own the whole alley

            If you do, there’s probably an easement on it, in which case it’s about as much use to you as not owning it. Probably not worth paying for a proper survey unless you are selling or building.

          12. The “Alley” has a fence gate on it, and is the walkway between my house and the apartment house next door. In other words, I may actually have a lawn to yell at people to get off of.

          13. Gadfly

            I may actually have a lawn to yell at people to get off of

            In that case, congratulations. Happy yelling!

          14. LT_Fish

            GPS? Can you get 10 digits?

    2. Trigger Hippie

      OT: Sorry. SHADOWBOY arrived today. I’ll dive into this weekend.

      1. I hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think.

        1. Florida Man

          I read it in one sitting. Really enjoyed it. I like that you dove into some of the finance and liabilities of super heroing. 5 stars.

          1. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

            If you know anyone who might like it, would you be so kind as to tell them it exists?

          2. Florida Man

            Certainly. My wife saw the cover and thought it looked interesting. I’ll make her buy her own copy though.

          3. DOOMco

            I read some on my flight here. I don’t know if others can tell your political leanings, but I could! it’s been great so far.
            I got the kindle bundle you pimped a while ago.

          4. I try not to prostyltize conservatism in my writing.

            (I’m not a Libertarian, but I have a strong dislike of government interference. Being employed by one only reinforced that)

    3. kinnath

      The public right of way is measured from the center of the road. Your property starts where the right of way ends. Sidewalks are generally in the public right of way, but you a legally required to maintain the sidewalk and can be sued if someone is hurt on the sidewalk. Clear as mud.

      1. R C Dean

        It actually varies. Sometimes, the city/county/whatever owns the road and your property line buts up against the road. Sometimes, the road sits on an easement over your land, and your property line is wherever it is.

        If you are seriously trying to figure out where your property line is because its going to affect something, you just about have to hire a surveyor to stake out the actual property line. If you had a survey done when you bought the house (required by a lot of mortgage lenders), then that’s probably got all the info you need for more informal purposes.

        1. No survey was required when the sale happened.

          I want to be certain who owns what with the very close neighbor buildings.

          1. R C Dean

            No survey was required

            Then your title insurance doesn’t cover the boundaries you think you bought.

            I have a piece of property right now that the (dirt) road kinda runs down one property line – at some points, I have a few yards on the other side of the road. When I lived in WI, my property line was right down the middle of the highway in front of my house. Other houses have had property lines on the curb (basically).

            There’s no standard pattern. I hate to say it, but you probably need a survey. For properties less than a couple acres, I’ve never paid more than around $350 for one.

        2. A Leap at the Wheel

          This. Sometimes you own the property up to the crown of the road, and there is a public easement for the road, maybe the sidewalk, maybe the ally. Sometimes, you don’t.

          This is not something you can figure out on your own. Gotta pay the guilde.

  4. bacon-magic

    Who’s hating on you Brett?

    1. I’m hating on everybody. But that’s part of the background hate, so he shouldn’t notice.

    2. Who’s not?

    3. Brett L

      Nobody anymore.

    4. Pomp

      Sports are gaywad bullshit. That’s what.

      1. BakedPenguin

        Don’t make me comic you, bro. Don’t make me comic you!

      2. Gilmore

        The word “gaywad” literally just made my day.

        1. Indeed. I had not seen or heard that term in….decades!

          1. Vhyrus

            See, that was their biggest mistake. They blew their wad way too soon.

  5. ChipsnSalsa

    Florida Man fails at his Thelma & Louise impression.

    Canadian Mist whiskey… I’m no expert but that doesn’t sound like a quality drink.

    Florida, it’s like one big boat launch full of first time boaters. That are completely hammered.

    1. Lachowsky

      It’s a half step up from heaven hill.

      1. Pat

        For the classier glibs out there, it’s on the bottom shelf at Wal Mart next to Caliber vodka and rum, and about the same price.

      2. Bobarian LMD

        More like White Heat!

        And Canadian Mist is not a half step up from anything, except whiskey that has been filtered through my kidneys.

        1. Lachowsky

          I’m gonna assume you have never tried heaven hill. Its awful. It will do the trick in a pinch, but damn it’s bad.

          1. B.P.

            The Heaven Hill bottled-in-bond six-year-old is fantastic, and cheap. At least it was recently until all of the hipsters discovered it. Only available in Kentucky, I think. Also, Heaven Hill the distillery is responsible for some seriously good whiskey that gets private labeled under some very reputable brands. Just sayin’.

          2. Lachowsky

            I believe you, but I have never seen the high end heaven hill stuff. Everything I have ever seen or drank in 6 dollar a fifth rotgut.

            Speaking of rotgut, R&R is another rotgut whiskey brand that is sold cheaply around here. My little brother bought a bottle R&R special reserve to my house a few years ago. It was surprisingly good.

    2. Vhyrus

      Have we reached peak florida man, or was this simply a vice city reenactment?

      1. Bobarian LMD

        Florida Man is always intense.

        But he is nowhere near his peak.

    3. ArchieBunker

      Just picked up a half pint of it yesterday. Its awful just lije every other liquor. Oddly enough i think its made in Chicago

      1. Pomp

        Jeppson’s Malört, primarily only consumed in Chicago and previously made there, is made in Florida.

      2. C. Anacreon

        Half-pint, eh? Fit well inside your jacket pocket?

        1. ArchieBunker

          Impulse buy. Dont genearlly drink. Im more of a herbalist

    4. Drake

      That was the most Florida Man thing ever. I feel l was there – swamp ass, mosquitoes, drunk rednecks, and sand in my crotch.

    5. But Enough About Me

      As a Canuck, I . . . I’ve never heard of it.

      Cultural appropriation!

    6. BakedPenguin

      “Canadian Mist whiskey… I’m no expert but that doesn’t sound like a quality drink.”

      It’s not. Before I switched to cheap vodka, I used to drink cheap scotch. That’s one.

      “Florida, it’s like one big boat launch full of first time boaters. That are completely hammered.”

      Yep. (Passes out)

    7. Grumbletarian

      Man, he’s fallen on hard times since Whose Line Is It Anyway?

      1. Pomp

        I would note that he’s now funnier. And found some great anti-aging pills.

  6. Lachowsky

    I’d love for all the mosquitoes to go sterile and die.

    If only. It’s 99 degrees and full humidity right now and the mosquitos aren’t making it any better.

    1. Vhyrus

      I would do vile, vile things to Halle Berry if given even half a chance.

      1. John Titor

        Your desire to fuck everything mixed with the biohazard symbol is making me think you need to be classified as a public health issue.

        1. Vhyrus

          A friend of mine said if he ever hit the powerball he was going to take me to Brazil and we were going to invent new diseases.

          1. Sour Kraut

            In Brazil, country disease you.

          2. John Titor

            Well now I know where the 2030s superAIDS epidemic came from.

          3. jesse.in.mb
          4. Pope Jimbo

            +12 Monkeys

      2. Lachowsky

        She is a very very appealing shade of brown. definite would.

    2. Negroni Please

      I’m sure others have heard it but it was new to me and cracked me up so I’ll share. Once upon a time one of my friends ordered a coffee and proceeded to dump a shitload of cream into it. He was soundly mocked and he dropped this gem: “I like my coffee like I like my women. Weak.”

      1. The metaphor breaks down when you spill coffee in your lap.

      2. But Enough About Me

        Or as my wife used to say to the baristas at her office tower’s “Second Cup” coffee franchise, “I like my coffee like I like my men: hot, strong and dark.”

        Yeah, I got your espresso roast right here, baby! 8^>

      3. Brawndo

        He definitely fucked up. He should have said “I like my coffee the way I like my women; full of cream.”

        1. Mad Scientist

          Yes, but who’s cream?

          1. Negroni Please

            A mediocre 1960’s band featuring Eric Clapton that enjoys accolades far out of proportion to their actual merits. Also they fucked a LOT of women. Probably.

          2. B.P.

            Clapton did happen to be the third most talented member of that band.

    3. Tundra

      Smoking hot. Keep your Instagram ‘models’, I’ll take the over 50 trifecta of Halle, Salma Hayek and Liz Hurley.

      1. ArchieBunker

        I would poke anyone on this site for a chance at Hayek. Hawt!!!

        1. Negroni Please

          Gross. F.A. Hayek wasn’t even hot when he was still alive.

          1. ArchieBunker

            Dead guys need lovin too….

          2. ArchieBunker

            I wonder if they dug with and excavator or shovels. Seems like too much work with shovels anyway.

          3. Pope Jimbo

            Must have been shovels. If they had a back hoe, they would have dug up a few more women and all had their own “date”.

      2. Chipwooder

        Liz was a Brexit girl, too, so she has that going for her.

    4. Bobarian LMD

      I’m not sure what’s in that glass, but it ain’t whiskey, unless it’s mixed with something else.

      1. I dunno… they show Tatum pouring a mystery liquid from a whiskey bottle into the glass…

        At least the linked website showed me where I can buy that sweet romper she’s wearing.*

        *I’d rather know what kind of whiskey it was.

        1. Pope Jimbo

          Canadian Mist?

          It is what all the cool people are drinking now.

          1. Huuuuuuurl.

            The lowest priced whiskey I keep on hand is Pendleton. I don’t really care for their “Let ‘er Buck” logo, but it’s a fine blended Canadian whiskey. Miles above that crown bologna.

      2. R C Dean

        I have serious doubts that it was really whisky rather than a prop of some kind. Because I don’t think anyone could slam that much straight whiskey (a) at all, the way she does and (b) keep it down.

        1. … Not to mention walk away in high heels afterward…

        2. BakedPenguin

          You need to try harder.

          Or not, just know it can be done.

        3. bacon-magic

          20 years ago my favorite trick was downing a fifth of whiskey in under 10 seconds. But I’m a biggun…

    5. Agent Cooper

      Her baby is now retarded!

  7. John Titor

    Man, Brave Little Toaster was some real shit.

    The author stopped writing and committed suicide when his gay lover of thirty years died.

    1. Kind of like Charles Boyer, except that in Boyer’s case it was his wife.

    2. Count Potato

      I’ve never seen it.

      1. John Titor

        There’s a lot of weird subtext about existential crises, depression, hopelessness and death.

        You know, for kids.

        1. C’mon. Who hasn’t seen a “kid’s movie” that gave them nightmares?

          Looking at you, NeverEnding Story, Sesame Street (in general), and IT.

          1. Lachowsky

            I watched Jurassic Park when I was 6 or 7 and had T-Rex eating me nightmares for years afterwards.

          2. John Titor

            Dark Crystal is a thing because Jim Henson thought that children not being scared was unhealthy.

            Henson is basically God of the Shitlords.

          3. PBRstreetgang

            I liked the Dark Crystal. I think its time we think about bringing Skeksis back.

          4. Dude, I STILL love the Dark Crystal.

            I sat Mr. Riven down and forced him to watch it with me one night. … He was not impressed xD

          5. John Titor

            Well clearly you needed to get him high first.

          6. Mr. Riven’s substance of choice, if any substance at all, is alcohol. 😉 But we had been drinking!

          7. bacon-magic

            I think its time we think about bringing Skeksis back.

            Nancy Pelosi is still around.

          8. Agent Cooper

            Walt Disney is the Godfather of Shitlords.

          9. Agent Cooper

            Watership Down.

            *drops mic*

          10. Negroni Please

            Return to Oz.

            WHAT. THE. FUCK.?!?!?

          11. Vhyrus

            I’ll take ‘Secret of Nimh’ for the block.

          12. You’re kidding! Was it the owl? It was totally the owl…

            My dog’s full name is Mrs. Jonathan Brizby. Briz for short.

          13. Vhyrus

            Lets see… the owl, the tractor, the cat, the fucking gruesome rat murder at the end. Take your pick.

          14. The cat didn’t really scare me that much… Sort of reminded me of the cranky-ass cat we had when I was a kid. Business as usual xD

            Yeah, I guess it’s a little unsettling at times…

          15. BakedPenguin

            Fuckin’ A

          16. John Titor

            Early Don Bluth with no studio inference in general tends to be really fucked up. The original ending for the Land Before Time was that everyone dies and the Great Valley is actually Dinosaur Heaven.

            You know, for kids.

          17. Vhyrus

            That would have been fucking epic. I would have bought a camcorder and filmed all the crying children coming out.

          18. thepasswordispassword

            Watership Down, the Movie

          19. Holger-da-Dane

            I saw the trailer, that was enough. Probably couldn’t sit through that even as an adult.

          20. Scruffy Nerfherder

            +100 bloodthirsty rabbits

          21. Agent Cooper

            I need to scroll down more.

          22. F. Stupidity Jr.

            I had a strong fear of Darth Vader for about a month after reading the ESB novelization at age nine.

          23. LT_Fish

            Yeah, read a lot of novelizations before watching things over the years. Batman (first one), Gremlins 2, Black Hole, etc have some really disturbing imagery and descriptions that don’t quite live up on film.

          24. compgrokker

            What was so scary about NeverEnding Story? That was another one of my favourites.

          25. I still loved it, but I’d had a bad experience with a neighbor’s dog… and the Gmork was terrifying. I would basically just leave the room whenever he came on the screen.

          26. Chipwooder

            Anyone watch The Peanut Butter Solution as a kid? Thirty years later, I still think it’s one of the weirdest fucking things I’ve ever seen. Go ahead and read that plot outline and tell me this thing wasn’t a sick joke to play on kids.

          27. F. Stupidity Jr.

            . .
            o

          28. A Leap at the Wheel

            If you haven’t, you should read the Neverending Story novel. It is a great pro-humanist, anti-nihilist message that I really enjoyed. The movie cuts our half way through and leaves out the best parts.

        2. compgrokker

          I loved ‘Brave Little Toaster’ when I was little. I’m surprised I didn’t wear out the VHS tape.

          That might explain a lot, actually….

          1. John Titor

            It’s funny, I watched the Brave Little Toaster a lot as a kid, and I didn’t even remember all the apparently childhood scarring scenes (I didn’t remember the clown at all for example). Then a couple years ago someone I knew was talking about how fucked up it is and I rewatched it. Either I didn’t get it or just blocked it out. Or maybe it permanently damaged me, who knows?

          2. mexican sharpshooter

            There are a lot of things that I liked as a kid that I now find off-putting. Like Bill Nye.

          3. John Titor

            Old Bill Nye stuff is fine because he had people controlling him, New Bill Nye is effectively a cult leader. Changes the tone and quality of his material dramatically.

          4. mexican sharpshooter

            Yes, but if I watch old Bill Nye I can’t help but consider he is the same Bill Nye, he was just taking lithium. It made him safe to be around children.

          5. Vhyrus

            Not sure how old you are but probably old enough to remember the original Ren & Stimpy. That show redefined ‘fucked up’.

          6. DOOMco

            Rocko’s modern life (did that just get a reboot?) was also pretty fucked up. looking back anyway.
            Invader Zim also seems darker than I remember.

          7. mexican sharpshooter

            YES! Didn’t they put that on after Rugrats?

          8. I recall watching Ren & Stimpy before going to Sunday School for Jesusy arts and crafts…

            Rocko’s Modern Life was excellent, as was Invader Zim (though that was more early teen years for me).

            And they did just announce a reboot for RML.

          9. compgrokker

            I remember it, and there’s a reason I wasn’t allowed to watch it. Not that I minded so much… I was a tomboy, but the level of gross-out humour in Ren & Stimpy was a bit much for me.

          10. John Titor

            I never got it because I was on aerial in northern Ontario back then. So three (four on a good day) channels.

          11. Pomp

            And they did just announce a reboot for RML.

            You better not be bullshitting. Also, they better not ruin it. Now excuse me, time to get a room at the No-Tell Motel.

          12. Chipwooder

            Yes, the first season. I think that was the only season done by the creator. After that, it was purely a Nickelodeon production and much less bizarre.

          13. C’mon, Pomp. Would I bullshit you?

            Yes, yes I would… but not this time!

          14. LT_Fish

            IZ was the first show I downloaded in full off limewire since I could never catch it during the incredibly erratic airing schedule (around the 3rd season).

            Great stuff. The new comics aren’t too bad, but they only have limited Jhonen input.

            I have no idea who got high and thought it would be a good idea to hire the brain behind “Johnny the Homicidal Maniac”/JTHM for a kids cartoon – but bless ’em.

          15. Or maybe it permanently damaged me, who knows?

            You’re just going to lob that soft ball out there, eh?

      2. Juvenile Bluster

        It is straight up the most fucked up “childrens movie” ever made.

        I mean, just watch this scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEdZh8a4ZvE

        1. Count Potato

          Wow.

          1. C. Anacreon

            I never knew appliances had dreams, but they seem to be pretty fucked up.

          2. Dude, everyone knows appliances dream of electric sheep.

        2. ArchieBunker

          Return to oz has got tobe the most messed up kids movie

    3. Pat

      Is that Boxxy?

  8. Vhyrus

    There is a joke in Scandinavia about Denmark being the most unintentionally racist country on earth. I think they may be onto something.

    1. John Titor

      As opposed to the Swedish, who are just straight up racist but have a state police desperately processing people for thought crime to cover it up.

  9. Rufus the Monocled

    Those wacky Danes!

    Next on CANDID CAMERA!

  10. Pat

    NY Times reporter accuses white women of racism on city sidewalks

    The New York Times is facing blowback on social media after publishing an essay by an African-American reporter who accused white women of racism for not ceding space on city sidewalks to black men.

    1. Brett L

      See if white men WERE actually running the world in an Illuminati-like cabal intersectionality would be something they invented to

      1. Bobarian LMD

        Don’t leave us hanging!!

    2. Drake

      It’s New York, nobody cedes shit.

    3. John Titor

      Remember kids, if you try to avoid a black guy on the sidewalk, you’re a racist.

      If you don’t cede space to a black guy on the sidewalk, you’re also a racist.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        The only part that matters is ‘white’.

        1. R C Dean

          And here I thought the only thing that mattered was “women”.

          I am shocked that the NYT would publish anything demanding that women defer to men in public, regardless of the races involved. But, intersectionality, what a tangled web it weaves.

    4. one true athena

      Gosh if only there was a religion that would give the reporter what he wants.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        There is. It’s called

        THE CHURCH OF BIG PIMPIN’

    5. Gilmore

      that series of ‘stories’ (posted last night here in full because Derp thought the NYT didn’t deserve any clicks) was one of the stupidest fucking things i’ve ever read, even in the Times.

      It is just so telling of their idiotic worldview that they read that litany of nitpicking self-involved horseshit (ONE WAS @#$(@*( MOANING ABOUT (@*#&*(&*TORTILLA CHIPS*) and thought, “This is some really woke stuff our audience will love”

  11. Pope Jimbo

    More Minnesoda muskie news.

    They’ve got a taste for humans!

    1. Tundra

      Holy fuck! Poor kid.

      I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a muskie going after a person.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        I know two guys who are super insane about muskie fishing. I’m glad their kids are mostly grown, because otherwise they might be tempted to troll for muskies with them.

        “Hey before I let you back into the boat, could you swim in a little figure 8 first?”

        1. Vhyrus

          Daddy, why are you rubbing sardines on my feet?

          1. Holger-da-Dane

            Shut up and spread your toes if you know what’s good for you!

      2. Bobarian LMD

        Fresh water barracuda.

        There seems to be a story of them biting someone every couple years or so.

        1. Vhyrus

          Barracuda dont actually bite people!

        2. R C Dean

          Oh, yeah. Happens a fair amount, mostly to people who are out boating and trailing hands or feet in the water.

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      give a heads up on that picture! holy crap that’s a serious cut.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Didn’t the story have a “graphic pic” warning? Do I have to enact all your fucking labor?

        Next you will bitch about sportsball links?

        1. Chipwooder

          I’ve heard much about this “sportsball” but I’m not familiar with it. Is it like football?

          1. Mad Scientist

            You guys sure talk about your various balls a lot!

          2. Chipwooder

            Some balls are held for charity, some held for fancy dress,
            But when they’re held for pleasure they’re the balls that I like best

    3. hayeksplosives

      Holy hannah! And I thought Okie Red River Gar were bad news!

  12. Rufus the Monocled

    I was out calling blacks nigger, buying stamps, and raping cashier workers when I came across stamps (after spanking my orphan in public) commemorating Star Trek and its Canadian connection. I understand there were a couple of Canuck contributions to the show but not sure why some of those people were selected.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/robert-waite/star-trek-canadian-actors_b_9765442.html

      1. BakedPenguin

        Damn Canadians.

        Someone decided to pay Columbia to continue Star Trek.

    1. John Titor

      Pathological Canadian nationalism’s attempt to steal other people’s achievements and claim it as their own (MUH WHITE HOUSE BURNING). Standard fare, nothing to see here.

      1. John Titor

        Also, one of those stamps has Archer on it, which proves what a joke it all is.

      2. Vhyrus

        Wait, canadians didn’t actually burn the white house down?

        1. Pan Zagloba

          Nope, British regulars.

        2. John Titor

          Washington was burned by units enlisted out of northern England, southern Scotland, and some degenerate Irishmen under Robert Ross. They hadn’t even set foot in Canada before they attacked the capital through a naval invasion at Maryland via Bermuda. Canadian militia assisted with the overall campaign but were not present at Washington proper. After the war a bunch of the soldiers retired to Canada, which is the ‘out’ they always use to claim we did it, but by that logic we also conquered large parts of India.

          1. Vhyrus

            Good to know. Canadians always use that “we burned doon yer white hoose, eh” line so Im glad I have a rebuke for them now.

          2. leonadasiv

            Well that’s cause our militia refused to invade another country

          3. Rufus the Monocled

            Yes. The illiterate nationalists do.

            As Titor pointed out, it’s painful to watch us ‘cultural appropriate’ for nationalist reasons. The Star Trek thing is really crossing a line.

    2. Pat

      Nick of Time was Shatner’s best performance.

  13. Pope Jimbo

    Great, more fucking welfare queens from Chicago moving to Minnesoda for our wonderful benefits.

    Some guy with a special needs kid is moving here because we pay so much more for families with a special kid. Also, he’s figured out that Illinois is going down the tubes.

    Illinois is not running smoothly. Many social services weren’t paid during the budget impasse. Even the lottery suffered. Minnesota isn’t perfect. No state is. A recent Star Tribune series looked at various problems faced by disabled Minnesotans, including a lack of meaningful work and suboptimal housing. I’m ready to join the fight there, in a state without a powerful pro-institution lobby and with a lot more fiscal flexibility. There’s always potential to improve, but I think the headwinds will be much less fierce.

    So not only is he moving here for more gravy, but he’s going to get involved to get another scoop of gravy too.

    1. ArchieBunker

      This is why we need more walls built.

    2. Lachowsky

      All immigration is good immigration.

    3. Tundra

      *eyes property in South Dakota*

    4. hayeksplosives

      They (City, County, State–who knows, maybe the Feds have kicked in a little) to turn a perfectly good grassy lot in Fridley into a friggin’ hive for Section 8 scum. They can’t get us to Columbia-Heights-ify fast enough. Man, I hate central planners. Fridley was starting to gentrify a bit with Nordeast Mpls turning old industrial areas into breweries and restaurants, young families moving in where original owners retired or passed on– it was great.

      Then the benevelent Gov’t stepped in and decided we should be a center for African and Arab immigrants and built public housing to accommodate. What could possibly go wrong? Even my neighbors on my nice single family housing dead end street by Rice Creek have license plates “1 UMMAH” and “1UMMAH2”. Totes living the American dream, man.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Can’t let Brooklyn Park or Brooklyn Center get all the good new citizens.

        The local section 8 housing near my house just got a complete rebuild. It will be interesting to see how long it takes for it to go to shit again. I have already seen one unit with the screens torn out.

        1. RAHeinlein

          I feel your pain – Ames, IA actually RECRUITED and transported similar.

          1. LT_Fish

            NRO actually had an article about that today or yesterday – white folks on Section 8 lists locally are getting delayed while they go and import folks from Chicago due to Obama-era Affirmative Assisted Housing Relief. I think it’s on Carson’s to-do list.

        2. Stillhunter

          Plenty of issues up north here, but the cold and lack of jobs does keep many people away. Though the push for broadband and turning Ely into a virtual hub may change some of that. Most people really don’t understand how long and cold the winter is up here, even compared to the Cities.

  14. Sour Kraut

    Seattle-caught salmon found to contain cocaine, antidepressants and pain relievers

    81 drugs and personal-care products were detected in the flesh of salmon caught in the Puget Sound.

    Tough competition emerging for Scottish salmon, which are full of whisky, nicotine and heroin..

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      That’s it, I’m moving to Seattle.

    2. Vhyrus

      Great, now they’re going to start charging more.

      1. Yeah, but you won’t be as irritable about it.

    3. Pope Jimbo

      I fish for salmon in Algoma, WI. I bet they test positive for paint thinner.

    4. Gilmore

      (goes to supermarket and buys 100lbs of Salmon, begins grinding it up)

      1. Pomp

        That’s gon’ be nasty unless you use your dehydrator first.

        1. Gilmore

          NO TIME BIG PARTY TONITE

          1. FISH RAINBOW PARTY AT GILMORE’S!

    5. Stillhunter

      The lakes in the boundary waters are full of DEET.

  15. robc

    Spieth -6
    Kuchar -4

    heading into the weekend.

    1. ArchieBunker

      You really get into the golf dont you. Thats one i dont understand at all how people can get into watching. Its right up there with watching people play poker imo

      1. robc

        Its not like I can go outside this weekend.

        1. robc

          My new neighbors moved in 2 weekends ago from Wisconsin. I should probably make sure they haven’t melted or spontaneously combusted.

          1. ArchieBunker

            I was in wisconsin last week. Hottest day was about 73. I dont kbow why i even came back home. Screw this 100 degree crap

      2. Brasidas

        Golf is my Sunday afternoon nap show. There is something incredibly relaxing about the sound of drivers.

        1. ArchieBunker

          A lot of nascar fans would say the same thing.

          1. Brasidas

            Yes. Exact same thing applies.

  16. Pat

    ‘Bro, you scared to see a dead person?’: Teens film, mock disabled man as he drowns

    Jamel Dunn, 32, drowned on July 9 in Cocoa, Fla., a coastal city east of Orlando. The teenagers, aged 14 to 16, filmed the incident as they laughed and mocked Dunn, then posted the video to social media. The video, which police called “extremely disturbing,” was found by detectives and handed over to Brevard County State Attorney’s Office, which recently released it to Florida Today.

    1. Lachowsky

      it seems like I remember hearing about someone being charged with depraved indifference. I don’t know if that would apply here, and I don’t really think the kids did anything that SHOUTCAST be illegal, but damn. That’s really morally reprehensible.

      1. Vhyrus

        Today, in strange and funny autocorrects….

        1. Lachowsky

          Yeah, I have no idea how that happened. Shoutcast is not a word I have ever heard or used.

          *shrug*

          1. Pat

            It was an internet radio plugin in Winamp like 15 years ago.

          2. mexican sharpshooter

            I might steal it and take a bullhorn to Mill Avenue tonight.

            “Greetings fuckstains! Welcome to my SHOUTCAST!

          3. Lachowsky

            Winamp.

            Way to bring me back to my teenage years. I haven’t heard that word in years.

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HaF-nRS_CWM

          4. LT_Fish

            Worked in college till itunes was released for windows.

          5. It’s OK, we all know you really !want covfefe.

      2. kinnath

        Licensed professionals (e.g., doctors) can be compelled to assist people in need. But the law cannot compel someone on the street to provide assistance to someone in dire need particularly when offering assistance can be dangerous.

        1. Lachowsky

          You won’t hear me argue that anyone should be legally obligated to help someone else. The kids are just morally bankrupt shits and they deserve a lot of scorn. Ostracism from all society would be appropriate.

          1. But Enough About Me

            Yeah, I suspect they’re going to find out what it’s like to be known throughout their community as the dirtbags that let a guy die. Over/under on how long it takes before they (or their parents) move outta town?

    2. libertarianjoe

      Didn’t Phil Collins write a song about that?

      1. Vhyrus

        dammit I almost drowned in my coffee because of that.

      2. PBRstreetgang

        Is that what Sussuidio is about?

        1. libertarianjoe

          Yes. wait, no……i don’t know

    3. Mustang

      Waterboarding would actually be useful here.

    4. Did they at least tell him Trump was impeached?

  17. Brett L

    I saw this headline and thought Reuters had caved and started toadying to Trump: Reuters Instructs Reporters To Cover Trump Like An Authoritarian Regime

    1. Did you notice the date on that article?

  18. Pat

    Why Switzerland never takes sides

    What most people don’t know is that the Swiss had to choose a policy of neutrality, because for centuries, they’d been a country of mercenaries.

    You don’t say…

    1. robc

      I thought everyone knew that.

      Did they think The Swiss guards in the Vatican donated their time?

      1. robc

        When I lived there, you could still see the WW2 tank traps between buildings in some of the towns near the German border.

        Me: Why are they still there.

        Swiss: Ummmmm……for …..ummmmmm….. historical reasons.

        1. robc

          Note: I was there in 1991 and german reunification didn’t make the older swiss happy.

    2. JaimeRoberto

      It also allows them to sell weapons to everyone.

    3. *whistles innocently*

  19. Count Potato

    “The event, “Heavy Breathing: Martial Arts for Feminist Journos,” attempts to encourage women to get rid of masculinity in journalism by teaching “empowered passivity.”

    “In this experimental workshop attendees will collectively undermine the historic valorization of hyper-masculinized approaches to journalism by learning to value approaches of empowered passivity through practicing the feminist concept of ‘circlusion’ (the antonym of ‘penetration’) and the martial arts concept of ‘ukemi,’ the art of receiving a throw,” the event description reads.

    http://dailycaller.com/2017/07/21/feminist-launches-class-on-how-to-combat-hyper-masculinized-journalism/

    What the fuck am I reading?

    1. Vhyrus

      If it comes out that all this SJW digital press was actually written by some advanced mad libs generator I won’t be the least bit surprised.

    2. Pat

      “empowered passivity.”

      Speed has *everything* to do with it

    3. AlmightyJB

      So men should be men, and women should be women. Right on sister.

  20. Pope Jimbo

    Have you guys covered Jen Rubin’s latest fever dreams?

    It is funny because she is SURE that the Dems will win tons of seats in the next election. Like a lot of the rest of you, I wasn’t a Trumpster to begin with, but the guy is growing on me.

    1. Count Potato

      She should have to change her name

      https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2I4tVqXg7dQ/maxresdefault.jpg

    2. Chipwooder

      Boy, she really took the fall of Marco Rubio hard.

    3. Bobarian LMD

      Fucking fantasy!

      I bet she was ‘flickin the bud’ while she wrote that.

    4. Viking1865

      I just mock them in the office now. Gently, but still mocking. Two were nattering on and on, and one turns to me and goes “So, did you see the latest??!?!?!” and I said “No, what is it.” He proceeds to regale me with the latest media fever dream about how Trumps is even now being frog marched from the White House in handcuffs. So I listened to him rant a bit, then said “Wasn’t this supposed to happen last week?”

  21. Count Potato

    “Professors group wants taxpayer-funded climate change research blocked from public scrutiny

    The American Association of University Professors has filed an amicus brief arguing professors at a public university should be exempt from public records act requests from a conservative think tank seeking to review the scholars’ unpublished climate change research.”

    https://www.thecollegefix.com/post/34640/

    1. compgrokker

      Of course they do. Then they don’t have to worry about embarrassing things like having to show their ‘data’ is completely made up by the time they get done with it.

    2. Holger-da-Dane

      Transparency is just a road block for science, the scientific method works much better if we just leave it to a consensus of professional scienticians in a black box environment. Attempting to hold science accountable is literally Hitler.

  22. mexican sharpshooter

    All`s Well Medical Compliance Division would like you to take a Prove It! session. If you have any questions about this session, please contact All`s Well Medical Compliance Division or review the Candidate FAQs.

    So, do I take HIPAA, Safety in the Workplace, or continue reading the links and save it for Monday?

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      You get to exempt out of the first one for knowing enough to call it HIPAA, since 98.7% of people on the internet call it HIPPA.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Latina hippos hardest hit.

  23. Juvenile Bluster

    Your new White House communications director, everyone.

    Anthony Scaramucci‏Verified account @Scaramucci

    We (the USA) has 5% of the world’s population but 50% of the world’s guns. Enough is enough. It is just common sense it apply more controls
    1:35 AM – 6 Aug 2012

    1. Pat

      But will he do the fandango?

      1. C. Anacreon

        thunderbolts and lightning — very very frightening!

    2. kbolino

      I don’t… how is that stat even possible? Is he talking about legally owned guns in civilian hands? That’s an awfully narrow category…

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Perhaps he means we need to figure out how to get the other 50% of the worlds guns. Then we’d have all the guns.

        1. This is how I’m choosing to interpret that statement.

    3. The Zenome Project

      Apparently this guy was an Obama fundraiser until he realized that the Left didn’t like Wall Street very much. Not surprised that he’s skeptical about guns, unfortunately.

    4. F. Stupidity Jr.

      He’s absolutely right. Guns should be properly distributed to every population in perfect alignment with their share of the world’s population. China should have 14.3% of all the worlds guns.

    5. Vhyrus

      Oh fuck. Bring back Spicer dammit.

    6. AlmightyJB

      Come and get them Anthony, you friggin’ pussy.

    7. R C Dean

      U.S.A! U.S.A! We’re number one! Woohoo!

  24. DOOMco

    Today, I drove my brother to hang with some friends of his at a local swimming hole.
    My dad’s WRX (super duper fun) had this on the radio. I think he was listening to a sox game.
    The guy was hilarious. every strawman about horrible corporations. How awful it was that the state legislature was trying to mess with the NOBLEST PEOPLE EVER IN THE BUREAUCRACIES! “we need more regulations!” he ranted, then a minute later was yelling about how the state salts the roads here.
    yea, fucking moron, the state regulations that you love so much make us salt the roads.
    fucktard.

    1. DOOMco

      Today’s episode isn’t up yet. I don’t recommend anyone listen. Maybe Derp can handle it. I wanted to call in and just yell ‘regulatory capture’ over and over till he looked it up.

      1. CatoTheElder

        ‘Regulatory capture’ won’t cut it.

        Proggies are now full of praise for Nancy MacLean’s Democracy in Chains, which takes down James Buchanan and his evil public choice theory as a nefarious plot to destroy American democracy and install an evil corporate oligarchy.

        ‘Regulatory capture’ is just one of the codewords of the Konniving Koch Konspiracy. You’d just be called out for being one of the Koch’s klansmen.

    2. Vhyrus

      How you drove a wrx without playing this at maximum volume makes me question the veracity of your story.

      1. DOOMco

        I almost did on the way home. that car is fun! had a nice pull up the hill.

      1. DOOMco

        hm.

      2. AlmightyJB

        Would

      3. compgrokker

        Was expecting this.

      1. Vhyrus

        Youtube comment gold:

        Gaming Wildlife1 year ago
        The Russian version of power Rangers is very different than the others.

        1. CatoTheElder

          More Youtube comment gold:

          This is what Ned Flanders did before he found Jesus

        2. I’m going to start a Kickstarter campaign to track down and knee-cap the 112 people with the gall to dislike that video.

          1. Holger-da-Dane

            Probably Danes who remember how inexplicably popular that guy was in the 70’s and 80’s.

            All the thumbs ups are from people who had exactly that wigwam as a child. The local toy monopoly (BR) only sold that model, and for some reason it was a hugely popular toy.

    1. Waterfall Insurance

      I remember a few months back NPR had on the producers of FX’s The Americans to talk about the show but also give insight into the current Russia scandal because they understood the minds and methods of Russian spies. And it’s only got more ridiculous since then.

      1. Viking1865

        Ace over at ace.mu.nu has repeatedly marked that the Internet left’s biggest touchstone and source of analogy is not Schlesinger or Zinn or even Marx, but premium cable shows. They seem to genuinely believe that TV has things to teach us.

  25. thepasswordispassword

    I checked the last few days worth of links and didn’t see anything. Apparently the EU is cross with Poland over forced retirement of judges and only appointing new judges picked by parliament/minister of justice? Heard some conspiracy rumors that it had to do with purging the last remnants of the old commie regime. Anyone familiar with it?

    http://www.politico.eu/article/warsaw-judiciary-frans-timmermans-european-commission-very-close-to-triggering-article-7-on-poland/

    1. Sour Kraut

      Haven’t seen nothing here. German’s all fussed over Turkey these days. Poland is under the radar.

    2. Lachowsky

      Heard some conspiracy rumors that it had to do with purging the last remnants of the old commie regime.

      Without reading, if it involves getting rid of commies, I’m for it.

      1. Drake

        And the EU is against it. Can’t image the EU will be around much longer. If the Germans had a big army, I could see them bullying other countries into staying.

        1. Q Continuum

          Why not just integrate them, with slight encouragement, into Germany itself? A Fourth Reich if you will.

    3. It sounds to me like Brussels is passed because Law and Justice is apparently a wrong-thinking party.

      Belgium for ages refused to appoint any Vlaams Bloc/Vlaams Belang judges, and that was totes OK.

      Oh, and they seem to have a mandatory retirement age for judges, too.

  26. AlmightyJB

    Re:. Danish immigrant link. Look at all those poor helpless women, children, and old people seeking refuge.

    1. Drake

      Yep – those are fighting-age men and that’s an invasion.

      1. Q Continuum

        They’re just there to fulfill the female population’s rape fantasies.

  27. Gilmore

    Be honest = How many of you actually know where Burundi is without looking on a map?

    Second topic = these shithole countries produce wonderful ‘robotics’ students, but can’t seem to actually manufacture so much as a can opener. Maybe these bullshit contests and prizes are focusing on the wrong thing.

    1. John Titor

      It’s next to Rwanda isn’t it?

      Source: Mentioned a lot in Romeo Dallaire’s book.

      1. Gilmore

        #humblebrag

        I’ve read a couple books about rwanda, but at least I’m honest enough to admit if you asked me to point to it on a map, i’d go, “Somewhere in the middle there. go to the congo and take a right. Follow the bodies”

        1. John Titor

          It’s in a valley or some shit near Lake Victoria (that lake being basically the only easy to identify landmark in Central Africa on maps).

      2. Agent Cooper

        I know where it is because of two things:

        1. I sponsored a child in Tanzania for several years.

        2. I wrote for a faux news blog (like the Onion) for awhile and did this story.

    2. Chipwooder

      Is “somewhere in sub-Saharan Africa” good enough? That’s the best I can do.

    3. Pat

      Be honest = How many of you actually know where Burundi is without looking on a map?

      I got the continent right, but I was pretty far off on the exact location. I thought it was up around the horn.

    4. Lachowsky

      Maybe they can produce good individual students, but the infastructure for implementing their ideas isn’t there. The environment for great students to succeed isn’t there.

      I’m really good at industrial automation. If I was born in a 3rd world shithole try skill set would be worth nothing .

      1. John Titor

        U.S. law enforcement authorities on Friday were seeking six teenagers from Burundi who went missing after a robotics competition in Washington

        If it’s anything like what ‘teenage robotics competitions’ looked like a decade or two ago, what they actually mean is “rich enough to afford to a couple LEGO Robotics kits and the potato to run the ‘programming’ software on.”

        1. Lachowsky

          You’re probably right. Legos are pretty cool though.

          https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sUtS52lqL5w

        2. Tundra

          Nope. My kid is on a First Robotics team at school. The kids build some pretty amazing things.

    5. Juvenile Bluster

      Are the outlines of the countries there at least? I know it’s on the east side of Africa near the middle, but it’s tiny.

      1. Gilmore

        Are the outlines of the countries there at least?

        no, unlike Rich Countries, poor African nations can’t even afford bold, solid lines between their countries. Poor people keep stealing them.

        1. Pomp

          No no no nononono, the truth is that they need to primarily rely on primitive savage landmarks, such as rivers. Savages.

          1. John Titor

            If a map of Africa in comparison to the local cultures and traditional tribal/political affiliations have shown me anything, it’s that the White Man’s Lines didn’t work out so good.

          2. Gadfly

            What I’ve always wondered about Africa is why, if there are so many competing affiliations arbitrarily combined into single nations, that they haven’t had more country splits. South Sudan split from Sudan recently, and there’s plenty of precedence for country splits globally (Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, Soviet Union, India/Pakistan/Bangladesh), so I wonder why so many of the African nations stuck to their colonial borders. Dictators unwilling to relinquish power? Groups deciding it was better to compete for the whole than to settle for a part? Outside pressure dissuading secession/union?

          3. John Titor

            Probably a lot of it has to do with, outside of major urban centers, people being more concerned with getting by than some kind of independence. If you’ve got more immediate concerns and the central government isn’t harassing you too much it becomes a secondary problem. If they start oppressing you a lot more or you start to get more influence and power within the state overall, well that’s when secession starts to become appealing.

            There is still obviously a degree of infighting already, but most of those groups seem more interested in just taking over the government and inflicting their brand of idiocy on everyone else.

          4. Rhywun

            Dictators unwilling to relinquish power?

            This one. Almost every country is run by a kleptocrat goon.

    6. Florida Man

      I only know because I drink a lot of African coffee.

      1. Gilmore

        (fist bump)

        ungawa, my brother

    7. Pomp

      Be honest = How many of you actually know where Burundi is without looking on a map?

      Yep, still in Central Africa. Been a flag/map/geography dork since I was 10.

    8. Raises hand, As the designated geography guy on my pub trivia team , I took this quiz every day til I could ace it.

      1. Rhywun

        I studied maps for fun when I was little.

        … OK, I still do.

      2. Gadfly

        That quiz link doesn’t go anywhere…
        As someone with a moderate interest in geography, I was interested to see what it was.

          1. Q Continuum

            I got 548.

          2. Gadfly

            Thanks. 131/196 on strict test. Africa and the various tiny nations of the world tripped me up.

          3. 189/196. I got a couple in the Pacific and a couple in the Caribbean wrong.

          4. Those nondescript dots of a nation are a bitch.

      3. Gilmore

        Fuck Equatorial Guinea

    1. Pomp

      Hehe, I was expecting a major breakthrough, but all I got was this delicious pun.

      1. Gilmore

        all I got was this delicious pun.

        I saw it. I went for it. I am probably not the first, nor the last.

        1. Pomp

          veni, vidi, vici.

          1. Q Continuum

            Or with your sister:

            vidi, vici, veni

          2. Pomp

            My sister’s dead, bro

          3. Q Continuum

            So much the better (assuming you’re not serious, if you are, my condolences and I’ll cry now).

          4. Pomp

            Nah I was bullshitting. I’ve never had a sibling. My “sister” via the marriage of my middle-aged father and stepmother however, have at it.

    1. Drake

      Isn’t the purpose of having a secretary so that you don’t have to write stuff yourself?

      1. Shhh…we’re talking about a personalized Presidential letter to a grieving mother…we can’t let on that they delegate that stuff to other people.

        1. C. Anacreon

          Too soon.

      2. Heroic Mulatto

        Indeed, I don’t see the big deal. Though, I am pleased that people will know forensic linguistics exists before it returns to obscurity tomorrow.

  28. Gilmore

    The Best Possible Trumpish Argument on This Point =
    “Here’s your ‘study’ = Mexicans Are Dirtier. Case closed!”

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      It’s fun how government agencies are so large and complex, they step on each other’s toes like that.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Just autoclave your partner before sex. Bonus: the char adds some intense friction.

    2. Vhyrus

      What really pisses me off about this is the primary driver for shit like this is the stigma of ‘oh noes you got an std you must be a horrible dog raping pervert’ that deters people from getting their proper treatment.

      1. DOOMco

        from that ari shaffir netflix thing
        “chlamydia is like the written warning of STD’s.”

        1. Vhyrus

          It’s interesting that chlamydia has not reached super bug status cause it seems to be both harder to treat and more prevalent in my experience so I’ve been told.

          1. DOOMco

            his next line was something to the effect of “if everyone with chlamydia could just stop fucking for 10 days…”

          2. Mad Scientist

            I assume those glowing hot tubes are Vhryus’ urethra.

      2. jesse.in.mb

        I just go quarterly. It’s a lot less stressful to go because it’s part of your regular routine than because you got a nasty variant of the flu and decided in a fever dream that you’re seroconverting even though you’ve had a long dry spell and got tested recently.

        1. Vhyrus

          Last year I got a really really bad cold complete with fever blisters on my forehead exactly 3 weeks after some strange and thought for sure I had finally done myself in. That was a bad couple of weeks.

          1. Vhyrus

            The good news is that cold completely knocked out my appetite for 2 whole weeks. I lost 35 pounds. It’s amazing how much more free time you have when you don’t eat or poop.

          2. jesse.in.mb

            I was up in Seattle for a work conference and spent the entire weekend barely able to swallow, sweating through the sheets every 20 minutes and near delirium with fever and just spent the whole time going “shit I’m gonna die…wait, I haven’t had sex in months that timeline doesn’t work, no fuck it, I’m totally gonna die”

          3. Q Continuum

            “barely able to swallow”

            Must’ve been hell… especially on vacation.

          4. Vhyrus

            Grindr hardest hit?

          5. jesse.in.mb

            Would’ve been nice to break my dry spell while I was out of town, but it wasn’t to be.

    3. Q Continuum

      PDR TB (coming to an illegal immigrant near you!) will be the end of civilization.

      1. Q Continuum

        In fact, there have already been reported cases of Klebsiella pneumonia resistant to everything. Treatment = lung transplant and prayer.

        1. Vhyrus

          That is scary. It seems like antibiotics were only a temporary thing. PDRs are going to kill us way before global warming.

    1. John Titor

      Dozens of Jewish and Muslim community leaders, as well as anti-racism activists,

      Doesn’t sound like it’s the ‘SJW loons’ they’re fighting against.

    1. Rhywun

      Bill Maher takes credit for Milo Yiannopoulos’ downfall

      lolwut?

      1. Q Continuum

        Alternately: Bill Maher increasingly shows signs of early-onset Alzheimer’s

    1. DOOMco

      ah, there’s the warm and accepting left.

    2. “They were kicked out after a discussion where they made their Zionist beliefs known and refused to back down.”

      #(((Nevertheless they persisted)))

      1. Q Continuum

        +1 (((master plan)))

  29. KibbledKristen

    THe work event was nice, but, as expected, I wound up with a massive headache from the heat and wine. And I even drank two bottles of water. Holy shit, my head is killing me!

    1. KibbledKristen

      Also, the Secret Service showed up in massive numbers at one point. THey said it was a “training exercise”. Mmm hmm. Sure. We didn’t recognize the couple that they were protecting, though, so maybe they were telling the truth.

      1. Q Continuum

        Russian agents working on behalf of Trump’s treasonous “administration”. Like, DUH.

    2. Tundra

      Time for that Arctic hotel room, I’m thinking.

    3. westernsloper

      Good god woman. Don’t you know the only way to avoid a headache after drinking wine in the heat is to not stop drinking until you pass out. Fucking armatures.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Hey, that’s no way to talk to a fellow commutator here!

    4. I hope it was real wine, and not white zin.

  30. Emily Ratajkowski: You Can Dress Sexily and Still Be a Feminist

    I don’t want to start rumors, but there’s talk of someone who is as easy as the pronunciation of her name is difficult.

    1. DOOMco

      sounds like someone’s gonna get chopped up for fat shaming.

    2. Q Continuum

      So you’re saying it’s a sure thing if I take out Zzysadfkjhhge Yujaksdbekkll___>>kd77Khd? She is kind of a butterface though…

      1. Q Continuum

        Also, is it just me or does Emily R. look like she’s starting to show some physical signs of drug addiction?

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          I’m not sure it matters right now

    3. Vhyrus

      Do you have her number cause I would would would.

  31. Vhyrus

    It says my FF was supposed to post as 5 but Im not seeing it.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      It’s in as 5:30 (Gangland Standard Time) on the calendar.

    2. F. Stupidity Jr.

      My favorite was FF7 anyway.

      1. Vhyrus

        Well everyones was but…. heeeeeeyyyy!

    1. Vhyrus

      You read a lot of militant atheist stuff. I am a militant atheist and had never seen that site before you started posting it.

      1. I like to Google the words “atheist” and “atheism” to see what comes up.

        1. I particularly like seeing Dawkins devoured by his own.

          1. Vhyrus

            I don’t think it’s fair to call progressives Dawkins ‘own’. He seems cut of a considerably better cloth.

  32. westernsloper

    Denmark is pledging 91 million Danish kroner ($14 million) to curb the “human and social costs” of unwanted pregnancies in places with poor infrastructure and opportunities for young women.

    Why does it not ever enter the minds of these social engineers to invest in up and coming businesses in these countries to maybe actually help build an economy so people do not want to leave? And no I am not talking government programs, but actual businesses. I think they would be surprised at the results if they went to the people and not the government.

    1. Rhywun

      I think I read an article at the Other Place making this argument. IIRC it’s very difficult to get the money to the people without some government thug wetting their beak (i.e. taking all of it).

      1. westernsloper

        Yes, that is my experience in those countries, and it was not my money. I was just another dude looking to take their resources, but I think there are ways. It is just nobody wants to go there. Too much work. It is easier to send pallets of condoms.

  33. Vhyrus

    I apologize in advance if my article this week is a little less fun than normal. Talking about gun prices isn’t exactly ‘murder on the orient express’ levels of entertainment.

    1. westernsloper

      No problemo. I am sure it will be informative. Did you sus out the price of those 1911’s mentioned in the morning lynx?

      1. Vhyrus

        If they’re the CMP ones I have read a little into CMP and to me it sounds easier to get a kidney then it does to get a gun through the CMP.

        1. westernsloper

          Hah…….Ok then.

        2. Gustave Lytton

          Really? Last time I checked, just need to member of some sort of organized shooting activity (GSSF membership works).

          Wish I had grabbed one of the target .22LR’s when those were still available…

          1. Vhyrus

            Here’s what it takes to get a gun through the CMP:

            http://thecmp.org/cmp_sales/rifle_sales/eligibility-requirements/

          2. Vhyrus

            You have to provide your birth cert, some proof of shooting proficiency, be a member of the CMP, and complete a nics background check.

          3. RegicidalManiac

            My understanding is that a carry permit and a membership in the Garand Collectors Associaton ($25/year, easily done online) is enough to fulfill the requirements.

            Not super easy, but not that bad.

          4. Gustave Lytton

            Ok, so same as before
            US citizen/age
            member of a CMP affiliated club/organization
            marksmanship or firearms activity
            NICS check

            SLD that surplus sales shouldn’t have any extra requirements, but those aren’t hard to satisfy.

    2. Bob

      Complaining about prices is supposed to happen on Tuesdays.

  34. westernsloper

    RE the Mosquito eradication. What are they going to do when all the birds and bats that like to eat mosquito’s die?

    1. Vhyrus

      A big part of me wants to say fuck them for not doing their jobs.

    2. leonadasiv

      What are you suggesting that medling with nature would be bad?

  35. Pope Jimbo

    From the highest peak.

    Fortune magazine has selected Janeé Harteau, the Minneapolis chief of police, on its annual list of the “World’s 50 Greatest Leaders.”

    Harteau was listed among business, political and arts leaders, such as Tesla CEO Elon Musk, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Chicago Cubs President Theo Epstein.

    1. Pope Jimbo

      To the lowest valley.

      Mayor Betsy Hodges, who has frequently been at odds with Harteau, issued a statement immediately after the resignation, saying she has “lost confidence in the Chief’s ability to lead us further — and from the many conversations I’ve had with people around our city, especially this week, it is clear that she has lost the confidence of the people of Minneapolis as well.”

  36. LT_Fish

    Charan po Rantan rocking the house in Tokyo again. Now this song isn’t really representative of their normal style, but it’s awesome seeing the band get to jam a bit more.

  37. KibbledKristen

    I’ve had Bohemian Rhapsody stuck in my head since I heard the Scaramucci announcement.

    1. Festus

      Do you do the fandango?

  38. CPRM

    So, no one in family cares I’m allergic to cats and dogs. When my oldest sister moved out, they kept her cat in my room. Now, my brother is remodeling my bathroom, so when he asked if I could watch his dogs a few days I said sure. Stuffy nose, trouble breathing, no big. At least I got beer. And yes Dick Van Dyke, it is Too Late To Apologize.

    1. CPRM

      Oh, and some little jabs in cimicon trailers, DC released a CW show video that called them ‘The Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” (A Marvel Avenger’s tagline) and Disney’s Marvel’s Netflex’s ‘The Defenders’ released a trailer that said ‘Super Friends’ (a DC cartoon from decades ago based on the Justice League) NERD FIGHT!