Back in the day, there was a weird cult called est. You youngsters wouldn’t believe how big a deal it was, given its total (and deserved) obscurity today. In any case, the audience was locked in a room with a trainer for a weekend, with notoriously long stretches between pee breaks. The first thing the trainer would say was, “You’re all assholes!” That was the last true thing the audiences would hear all weekend. And so it is here, as I present links to fake news to you, my beloved assholes.

As much as I hate Trump for appointing a jackbooted authoritarian like Sessions to the top law enforcement post, I have to admit that some of his other appointees are pretty impressive. Still not enough for me to ever forgive him, change my low opinion of him, or give him my vote in the next election, but we do have to admit to small rays of light.

How could anyone object to Amazon acquiring Whole Foods and making it better, stronger, and helping make good food more accessible? Oh yes, I forgot. Democrats. Now, why could they possible object beyond the cheap schadenfreude of fucking up business deals? Oh yes, I forgot. Big money contributors.

[The Democratic congresschimp] letter was made public by the United Food and Commercial Workers union (UFCW), which represents many of the unionized grocery workers in the United States.
“Political concerns about Amazon’s acquisition of Whole Foods are growing for good reason,” UFCW President Marc Perrone said on Friday. “Amazon’s monopolistic desire to control the retail market and replace good jobs with automation is not only a direct threat to the hard-working men and women at Whole Foods, it’s also a direct threat to our economy and consumers.”

Heaven forbid better prices and service to consumers.

In other news, this is warped.

If Chipotle were authentic, this would be in the food, not on it.

Apparently, I’m the wrong kind of doctor. If I had spent my years as a grad student and post-doc pursuing medicine instead, I could have been this guy.

No sports news because football season hasn’t started yet and the Orioles have returned to their sucky ways.

And I leave you all with music from my youth. Difficult, complex, and brilliant music.