ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. WHILE ZARDOZ WAS FEELING GLUM, HE DECIDED THE ONLY WAY TO FEEL BETTER, WAS TO SEE HOW MISERABLE THE LIVES OF BRUTALS ARE. ZARDOZ ACCOMPLISHED THIS QUITE EASILY BY READING A “DEAR PRUDENCE” COLUMN. ZARDOZ SCOFFS AT THE ANSWERS OF THE BRUTAL MALLORY ORTBERG. YOU MAY SEE HER ANSWERS HERE.
ZARDOZ HAS THE SUPERIOR INTELLECT – AND SHALL GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF ADVICE. LET US BEGIN:
Q. Nephew circumcision: My brother and his wife are within weeks of having their first child (and my very first nephew!). I’m very excited, but the problem comes in that the child will be a boy. I am extremely against routine infant circumcision and have shared extensively on the subject in the past on social media. They aren’t big social media users and may be unaware of my stance. How do I broach the subject with them in a nonconfrontational and nonjudgmental way?
A. THE PENIS IS EVIL. THE PENIS SHOOTS SEEDS, AND MAKES NEW LIFE TO POISON THE EARTH WITH A PLAGUE OF MEN. OF COURSE IT SHOULD BE CIRCUMCISED, AND YOUR BROTHER AND HIS WIFE, CLEANSED. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q. Body mods and money probs: My mom has always used money, or lack of money, as a means of control, particularly when it came to my appearance. As I got older and started to express interest in less traditional clothing and hair choices, she would only buy things that she approved of. She said if I wanted to buy certain clothes or dye my hair, I could do so with my own money, but since I couldn’t yet get a job I didn’t have much money to do this with. Still, this wasn’t the end of the world and usually I did end up buying what I wanted myself, forcing me to choose what I valued, which was a good lesson for me.
As I got older though, this pattern became a bit more concerning. I had expressed interest in getting a nose piercing for several years and she told me if I did so she would not pay my college tuition. I ended up getting the piercing and thankfully she did not keep that promise, but she made it very clear that if I got a tattoo there would be similar consequences. Now I am about to complete my last semester of college and my tuition is all paid. I have a small tattoo on my ribcage, no taller than an inch, that cannot be seen unless I’m wearing a swimsuit. Alas, my mother found it and said that though my tuition is paid, she didn’t have to pay my rent like we had originally agreed.
I am very aware of how privileged I am to have parents who can afford to pay my tuition and rent, and I’m very grateful for my parents’ support. They have been saving for my education since before I was born. Still, I feel like their support should not be conditional, especially not on something like my appearance. I would understand if I was failing out or partying all the time, but this is just me trying to reclaim my body in the best way I know how. How do I get her to see and understand my perspective? I want to get more tattoos in the near future, but should I wait until I’m no longer financially dependent on her? Am I completely in the wrong and being selfish?
A. DO YOU NOT RECALL THE WORDS OF ZED? “I LOVE TO SEE THEM RUNNING. I LOVE THE MOMENTS OF THEIR DEATHS – WHEN I AM ONE WITH ZARDOZ.” HAS ZARDOZ NOT INSTRUCTED YOU TO GO FORTH, AND KILL!? CLEANSE YOUR MOTHER AND TAKE WHAT SHALL BE YOURS. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q. Broke and scared: I’m 26 and have been living with my boyfriend for a couple of years, and recently we started having arguments about money. It almost led to a breakup but turned into an understanding that we had rushed into things, so now I’m looking for a better job so I can afford to move out. This morning I talked about some interviews I have scheduled and he said he never agreed to my plan and just thought I wanted to vent. I was completely caught off guard, especially when he confessed he’s been feeling jealous of his co-workers who are expecting or already have babies. He made jokes about me getting pregnant immediately, but then said he would wait until we’re 30.
I am confused and scared. Babies have always been an element of fantasy to me, and now I feel like I’ve been smacked into reality. Should I get into the baby idea?
A. A REPORT FROM THE ETERNAL NAMED MAY!
Your genetic structure, your life chart. Look. You are a mutant, second, maybe third generation – therefore genetically stable. Enlarged brain, total recall. Your potential is… Your breeding potential! How did you get into the Vortex? What is your purpose? You must know that you’re mentally and physically vastly superior to me, or to anyone else here. You could be anything, could *do* anything. You must be destroyed.
ZARDOZ CALLS ALL BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS! EMERGENCY! MOTHER OF ZED!
Comments
290 responses to “ZARDOZ ANSWERS DEAR PRUDENCE”
Would.
A giant stone head?
I thought Prudie’s answer to circumcision was fair, although I share Zardoz’s cleanse the earth position. Tough call.
I am confused and scared. Babies have always been an element of fantasy to me, and now I feel like I’ve been smacked into reality. Should I get into the baby idea?
For the love of all that is holy, DO NOT REPRODUCE!
Just have her watch this video on the miracle of birth.
I remember watching a video of child birth in nursing school. The sorority girls were all like “She’s done. It’s never gonna feel good again.”
I always thought that scene had great potential for safe sex ads in high school. Hey kids, this is what happens when you don’t wrap it…
Pregnancy: the only STD you have for 18 years…
You didn’t adjust for Obamacareflation.
Ooh…parenting: now 44 percent longer!
I could just show them my son’s college semester tuition bill?
“You could have this money for beer, and weed!”
I refer to my kids as my ‘matching Porsches’.
That’s about right, plus the insurance on the Damn things
Teenagers on average don’t understand the concept of money or finance. They are, however, extremely familiar with weird changes to their bodies.
NO. That’s why they always used to send the women out of the camp for childbirth, no one wants to see that.
Why did mighty Zardoz even bother listening to these brutals? Cleanse them immediatwly!
Got to recruit the Brutal Enforcers from somewhere?
Asking for advice disqualifies them from the running. CLEANSE!
I don’t get it.
I thought you wrote it.
ZARDOZ didn’t give me his password.
Speaking of writing, Amazon recommended your collected works. Does it matter to you if I buy the collection or individual books, money wise?
in ebook format the omnibus does pay out lower royalties than the four separately – because it is priced at the cost of 3, and the royalties are a %. I’m not sure about the paperbacks. I’d have to double-check.
Ok. Let me know.
Paperback omnibus also nets less than the four individually for the same reason
Alright, I’ll buy the individual books.
Forgot to tell you, but I ended up really enjoying all the Shadow demon stories.
I’m glad.
I need to get back to the fifth book.
Decoder ring.
What books did you write again?
these ones
Thank you
The Book (that you write everyday or have thrown at you or where you go by)
The Book of Love?
The Good Book?
Holy shit, you did it! You bastards did it! And it’s as glorious as I hoped it would be (see comment 12, I’ve no idea if direct linking is possible).
Like this?
Ooooh!
Admittedly my method required work.
1: Find comment in target thread, copy distinctive text snippet.
2: Go to Tools -> Web Developer -> Page Source (or just hit Ctrl-U)
3: Do a search on the text snippet.
4: Scroll up to find a line that looks something like:
5: copy the ‘comment-[number]’
6: add to the main article url a pound sign and the comment-[number] text
7: compose your new comment using the output of step 6 as the href in your link.
There may be an easier way to do it, but that was the first that come to mind.
I’ve been looking for that and kept failing at step 4.
there must be an easier way. like…. a monocle button.? (vain hope)
i still stand by my answer.
Seems sensible.
Still, I feel like their support should not be conditional, especially not on something like my appearance.
This makes me very angry.
So the letter writer opposes using federal funding to encourage state action?
Zardoz,
I’m upset that I have to go to my wife’s friend’s birthday party/ BBQ. It’s not necessarily that I don’t like her friends or their husbands (although one of the guys spends way too much time on his hair), it’s more so that they always provide lousy beer like Miller High Life. I bring beer to their parties, as a good guest, but then everyone ends up drinking mine and I end up with some crappy PBR by the end of the night. So, I guess what I’m asking is how do I poison the beer that I bring so that people know better than to just drink my good beer?
Sincerely,
Bitter Beer at BBQ
Dear Bitter Beer at BBQ,
Punch any motherfucker who gets near your cooler. Not only will you get good beer for the evening, you most likely will never have to go back.
Just walk around with the six pack. Alternatively, wear a beer hat.
Ooo… An insulated vest capable of carrying six cans of beer and keeping them cool – called “six pack abs”. Will need to come up with a way to not overheat the wearer.
If you get it to market and get rich, I only request a shout out.
“Dedicated to Florida Man – now you don’t have to hold his beer”
Brilliant!
PERFECT.
*applauds, throws garlands*
I’ll buy one just for the Slogan!
Beta implementation not too good.
He’s doing it wrong. Sideways you can’t return a half-open container to its spot.
*err, half-consumed, open contained
I’m thinking 45 degree angle. Engineers?
Like this but with beer?
“return”?!?!!!!!
OMG, you are the worst! First you don’t like good beer and now you talk about putting beer back?
The vest is for the person who’s going to be drinking the beer. The idea is they can put a half finished can back in the pocket to free a hand.
Alternatively, wear a beer hat.
Philistine! A proper gentleman would wear an alcohol-filled camelback hidden discretely under a tasteful dinner jacket. Use one with a long enough hose that you can run it through the sleeve to discretely refill your glass, never drink straight from the nozzle.
Some medic student friends of mine swore by colostomy bags, because you could seal them up or something. I never had the nerve to be rigged out with one at a gig though. Bastards were likely to give me a recycled one. Fine friends I have.
Sorry, Sensei. I’ve brought shame on our dojo.
It is I who should apologize, as I forgot who I was speaking to. If a tank-top and flip-flops are the Florida equivalent of a dinner jacket with oxfords, then a beer hat is perfectly acceptable for a classy look.
If it’s in cans, pull one off and strap the remaining five to your belt using the convenient loop. That’s what it was designed for.
Decant your good beer into cans of Milwaukee’s Best. Loudly announce that lemon pledge does a great job of cleaning mouse poop off of beer cans.
Stolen.
Who knew Switzy liked lemon pledge so much?
You have to have something on standby when you run out of paint thinner, duh!
Bring mostly crappy beer, while keeping the good beer for yourself in a cooler at your car. Go for regular smoke breaks to acquire beer.
Fucking fancy boi!
The High Life is my go to beer. This summer I bought a 30 pack of Old Milwaukee to relive my glory years of underage drinking.
Don’t try to other me because of my beer choices.
I, too, have a weak spot for High Life. But if Oskar Blues Old Chubb or Ten Fiddy is available, I would take that first…
^This guy has impeccable taste. Try Narwhal Imperial Stout if you can find it.
Is this not like saying “I have a soft spot for the ’75 Chevette, but if a McLaren F1 is available, I’d drive that first”?
+1 on the Ten Fiddy, tho.
OK, I larfed.
I like the dog avatar.
Pour your beer into a Camelbak.
Does Camelbak even do well with carbonated stuff? I wouldn’t imagine so.
Not from what I’ve heard. Although I just recently got a pack and was looking up some tips for cleaning them and came across this lovely tidbit:
^THIS^
Why would I even want to get the taste of tequila or whiskey out of my CamelBak?
I first read that as ‘pour your been into a cameltoe’, heh.
Don’t poison, just use ipecac. That’ll learn ’em.
“Less filling”
-Bulemic
I had a friend once plot to do that to a dorm floor party’s Everclear and Kool-Aid punch bowl. Fortunately, he had me ask my Dad (an MD) about it first….Dad laughed, but then said “don’t do that, you’ll hurt someone”.
There’s always thymolpthalein, if you can get it.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN BEER BRINGING ONE.
YOU HAVE BEEN RAISED UP FROM BRUTALITY, TO KILL THE BRUTALS WHO MULTIPLY, AND ARE LEGION. TO THIS END, ZARDOZ, YOUR GOD, GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE GUN. THE GUN IS GOOD!…BRING A LARGE WEBLEY REVOLVER AND SHOOT ANYONE WHO ATTEMPTS TO BOGART THE GOOD BEER. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Use a black Sharpie to write your name on every bottle. Not only does this denote the beer as answered for, but the condensation will make the ink run, letting you easily tell which of your fellow guests have no shame by the black smudge on their palms.
Alternatively, get a case of shit beer and stop by a bar beforehand. Pound booze. After four martinis, you won’t notice what the beer tastes like.
Buck up and get a mixed 12 pack from a decent brewery. Then park it behind (or under) the crap beer.
Alternatively, you could also just start homebrewing. Then if you make a low ABV beer that’s best consumed fresh, you know the struggle of working through 5 gallons of it before it starts aging.
Carefully peel labels off bottles of Colt 45 or Natty Light or Zima. Apply labels to your good beer. Put bottles in party cooler and have them all to yourself.
how do I poison the beer that I bring so that people know better than to just drink my good beer
Take some of that horrid ultra-hoppy drek that the manbun-wearing hipster brewers spew out?
Friday afternoon…need me a manbun IPA.
Isn’t she basically saying, “uhm, like, i dunno, should i like be independent and have my own life? or should like like totally get preggers and shack up for rest of life with first dude because, like, he’s here? can’t make up mind, tell me what to do, newspaper columnist”
It is even worse than that…she is asking a columnist at Slate.
GAH!
Did you read Prudie’s answers? Pretty rational stuff.
Yeah, that was a gratuitous shot at Slate.
Hey, when I think of functional, socially well adjusted people that aren’t weird cat ladies with daddy issues in their 30s/40s…
I guess it’s better than Everyday Feminism, right?
I’m assuming Dear Prudence is art, and the questions are as genuine as the answers (i.e. sometime but not nearly always).
Probably more ‘legit’ than the ones in Confessions or Cosmopolitan
pshaw! next you’ll suggest Penthouse Letters are fabricated!
I’d rather solicit Dear Prudence for advice than someone like David Brooks.
A. THE PENIS IS EVIL. THE PENIS SHOOTS SEEDS, AND MAKES NEW LIFE TO POISON THE EARTH WITH A PLAGUE OF MEN. OF COURSE IT SHOULD BE CIRCUMCISED, AND YOUR BROTHER AND HIS WIFE, CLEANSED. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Who knew Zardoz was a feminist green? You learn something new every day.
And no conversation involving Zardoz should fail to mention Charlotte Rambling, one of the hottest women who ever lived. She is like 70 now and still hot.
Uh oh.
You, sir, are magnificent. How on Earth did you think of that?!
Last time her name came up, I was googling images. It wasn’t nearly as topical then.
The Night Porter is a deeply strange and kinky movie. But does have a young Rampling getting her kit off in some very kinky ways.
Damn Fine Hat!
For many years, Charlotte was nicknamed “The thinking-man’s totty”. I can’t remember who coined the term, but good man, him.
Gah. Maybe it’s the lighting?
She is in her 70s. Cut the poor woman some slack.
Hey, if Helen Mirren and Jill Stein exist…
Helen, despite her railing on about the evils of cosmetic surgery, is no stranger to cosmetics. She’s needed some pretty heavy-duty slap for her performances for a number of years (I’ll avoid blaming it on her chain-smoking) – but she and Rampling are ‘of an age’, and until their 50’s maybe, there was no comparison. But eventually, no matter how lucky you are, and how much you do to fend it off, entropy comes a-visiting and bits and pieces start falling off, or drooping at least.
At 70 neither of them are doing that badly. Me? I hope to still be around in any form whatsoever in 20 years’ time.
This young lady is 63.
I’m guessing she’ll still be a very solid ‘wood’ at 70.
The real test is when you’re up close and Adobe isn’t the other member of the threesome.
She is not human. No way should a 63-year-old woman look like that. She is hotter than her daughter, who is pretty hot herself, for God’s sake. Brinkley has become proof that aliens really do walk among us. She isn’t going to die. She is just going to decide to go home.
Brinkley has become proof that aliens really do walk among us.
If they look like that, I for one welcome our new alien overlords!
I would still sleep with Miren in a heartbeat, especially if she agreed to dress up as the Queen.
Hurriedly checks to see if this is a violation of Rule 34
… ermm Nevermind …
IMDB trivia page for Zardoz claims the following:
Eduard Van Haalen!!!!
Alternatively.
?
I can’t resist putting in a plug for Mick Taylor. The guy never gets the credit he deserves. Listen to his lead on this. It is pretty much the definition of 70s guitar god.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96ZDzKoUMbc
Remy is great,
https://youtu.be/kfXQwx9ytiw
So, I guess you guys got over that emotional outburst you released a few days ago. Don’t let shit like that happen again, or people will start to doubt your ability to look at an issue with objective skeptical thought.
YOU DON’T SAY.
Can’t make up my mind….choose one.
Wait… did Zardoz just lump in the snowflakes with we true brutals? *rounds up all sacrifices to Zardoz for weekend orgy, throws in lake*
Someone needs to get a hold of Pro Liberate. Herk needs a weekly column.
I’m not sure, I thought he was here once, or maybe I just made a sighting of him on TOS right after the great departing.
I heard Brannon was fired. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about it. Is he bad but became good like Comey? Or is he still bad? I need hot takes from highly qualified pundits.
It is inside baseball. I don’t think it matters to most people. My feeling is that Bannon is a bit of a nut who alienated a lot of people and is really difficult to work with and that did him in. It will give the media and the various Never Trump idiots something to crow about. Beyond that, I really can’t see how this matters much.
His unscripted and apparently, unsolicited interview with Bob Kuttner was a shitshow of epic proportions.
Some choice excerpts:
I’m sure Kelly was pleased with that.
He is right about Korea. Beyond that, what the fuck was a news editor doing with any influence over national security policy? That is an Obama level stupid move right there. He needed to go. Sometimes the cream doesn’t rise to the top.
Even if he’s right (and I agree he is), you don’t undercut the President while he’s saber-rattling, kind of defeats the whole tactic. And crowing about replacing people in someone else’s department when it’s not even done yet? Christ, what an idiot.
I just hope that Bannon isn’t the sole whisper in Trump’s ear with regard to continuing an agenda of reducing the power and scope of some of these Executive branch agencies. Pretty sure as long as he continues to listen to Ichan, things will be alright.
Ichan, 4Chan, at this point, what difference does it make?
Nice
Ichan, Uchan, we all Chan for Jackie Chan!
I’ve fallen and Ichan’t get up!
Meh, there’s been some back and forth reports going on in regards to North Korea’s artillery capability that makes it potentially be less of a threat than originally believed. Haven’t dug into those yet so I can’t comment.
He may be right about Korea, but you sure as shit don’t admit it when you’re in an administration currently playing hard ball with Kim.
Does anyone know what level of bunkers the SoKos have built under Seoul? If it’s been known for a while that the Norks have massive artillery aimed at them, it seems negligent if they haven’t built a pretty extensive network of bunkers they can send the people to if SHTF.
Google result
I know they designed their subway system to serve as shelters from artillery, and I assume they have some kind of public shelter program. Probably not a lot of people digging their own private shelters a la the Cold War though.
The greater issue, which I’m not sure how they’ve addressed, is that North Korea has nerve gas stockpiled and might start lobbing it into the city in artillery shells if they get the chance.
I would hope that we have tactical nukes prepositioned to take out the artillery parks in a matter of seconds at the first use of WMDs by the Norks.
Well, that’s good to know that they are prepared. Thanks for the info. Although, now I feel like a lazy bastard asking someone else to Google something for me. And it feels good. 😀
Probably not tactical nukes due to typical wind currents likely blowing fallout into northern China, which is a mess, both technically and diplomatically no one wants to deal with. Plenty of counterbattery fire I’m sure though.
It has been a while since my “war trace” was to Korea – but the counter-battery plan was called Steel Rain.
Commander Boreale is in charge of the South Korean defense?!?
They are so screwed.
Interesting point about fallout. Tactical nukes can be relatively small – what would the fallout footprint look like from, say, a 50 kt warhead, ground burst?
Nerve gas would be a concern for any of the public caught out in the open, and it would be pretty nasty, but from what I’ve seen of the Seoul transit system, it looks like they have airtight doors and are designed to maintain modest overpressure which means that if you’re in the ground in time, you’re going to be fine.
I can only anticipate that the purpose-built bunkers are somewhat better than that.
Being an old fart, there’s a comparison to be drawn here – Germany during the Cold War.
Back in those ancient times, both sides at the Fulda Gap had the opposition’s batteries and communications fully mapped out, and the nasty not-so-secret reality was that one of the most important courses at RMA Sandhurst was the one where the officer cadets were told how long each kind of unit could expect to maintain operational efficiency if “It” happened. This was in a time of pretty-much manually-controlled artillery fire, and the estimates of survival were down in the single-minutes.
I have no idea what kind of fire control and comms the Norks have, but with the advances in telemetry and sensing we’ve made in the west in the last 35 years, I’d expect that whatever damage the Norks manage to achieve will have to have been achieved in under 10 minutes. The number of guns and their poundage is probably less important than how accurate they are and what they’re aimed at, because they aren’t going to have much time to change targets after the first volley or two.
Still not a comforting prospect, but mercifully short in absolute terms. If the Norks do target Seoul with nerve agents, and they’re ‘normal’ ones and not something super special invented by the genius Kim family in their secret lairs, then the populace of Seoul will be able (with modest precautions) to vacate shelters within a few hours and commence cleanup.
Depends on atmospheric conditions and even what the ground is made of. Nuking limestone is a hell of a lot better than nuking sand. There’s at least a guaranteed risk of some of it coming back over the border into the south. There’s just a lot of better options with less risk than tactical nukes, Super Penetrators (stop laughing) can pretty much get you the result you need on a reinforced artillery bunker.
Smells like Team Spirit.
The Nautilus Institute think tank I’ve linked to before here, has two reports that might be of interest. One’s called “Mind the Gap” and is basically an attempt to model South Korean civilian casualties from North Korean artillery fire. Had Bannon said “1 to 10,000” instead of half a million, I’d agree with him.
Another that I can’t remember the name to, takes Glasstone and tries to model fallout plumes from a projected counterforce strike on North Korean hardened artillery shelters and C^3I bunkers with tactical nuclear weapons. The results are…not good. Fallout gets all over the place, and while not too lethal, is unpleasant for those living near the DMZ.
That said, I don’t recall the author modelling the use of limited ground penetrating micro nukes. Robust Nuclear Penetrator (album name alert) got cancelled, but it can’t be that hard to modify something like a GBU-28 with a nuke package instead of the ~few hundred lbs of HMX or Octol it contains now. Further, one of the ‘tactical’ B series (-61 or -83) has a limited ground penetrating capability. Something like 1-10 feet as opposed to several hundred for a true ground penetrating warhead. Any of which is going to change the modelling. Stuff like NUKEMAP doesn’t work very well for a variable yield bomb at its lowest setting (300 tons TNT equivalent, IIRC) You still have all the nuclear material from the big bomb to be atomized and attached to debris; it’s just not going through fast fission and forming more radioactive daughters.
I think it’s surprising the South Koreans got rid of their chemical weapons. Raining persistent agent over North Korea launch sites/artillery hard stands will do wonders to crush the Norks’ rate of fire. I have to imagine NK level of chemical PPE is on par with their artillery shell manufacturing (reported 25% dud rate in their latest artillery pissing match over Yeonpyeong Island.)
lol
Its worth pointing out that US history is filled with examples of “random lawyers/academics” being given positions of power over areas they had no particular relevant experience in. we only start thinking its absurd when they’re not even that.
I knew that was going to be Ben Rhodes before I clicked.
low-hanging fruit
Although = i could very well have linked a picture of Hillary Clinton handing a toy reset-button to the Russian Ambassador
Its worth pointing out that US history is filled with examples of “random lawyers/academics” being given positions of power over areas they had no particular relevant experience in.
“Hell of a job, Brownie.”
Crikey, no wonder he’s out. No control at all of that mouth.
Like dog, like master.
Until somebody solves the part of the equation that shows me that ten million people in Seoul don’t die in the first 30 minutes from conventional weapons,
Problem solved! The Norks can’t level Seoul in thirty minutes with conventional weapons. A fraction of their artillery can reach that far, and they will have a slow rate of fire (until they are destroyed by counterbattery).
So, no, he is wrong about Korea. Whoa Fat doesn’t have nearly the leverage Bannon thinks he does. Whoa Fat’s artillery would be neutralized within hours, with very survivable damage to Seoul. And now the Nork’s frontier defenses are crippled. Whoat Fat ain’t barraging nobody.
Hysterical pantshitting about how you are totally at the mercy of the other guy is no way to set up negotiations.
Just assume whatever makes Trump a monster and you’ll have a pretty good idea.
Yeah, it would be pretty hilarious watching CNN stick up for Bannon, but I can’t put that under them. After watching Wolfey ask if the terrorist attack in Spain was a copy cat of C’Ville, I can’t put anything as under them, they’re under the belly of a fucking grasshopper.
I think if it is true it’s bad timing. Shortly after Charlottesville it’s seems like they got another scalp. It seems like he has been in the background or irrelevant for awhile should have fired him sooner when no one was thinking about him.
Maybe it’s just a distraction. I don’t know. The only news I get is what I hear here. I’ve blacked out all other input from the outside world except this place.
The only news I get is what I hear here.
*Psst…hey everyone, let’s start feeding Florida Man false stories…who wants to go first?*
We’ve landed on the moon!
*runs out to share the news*
Well, at least Trump is keeping all of his promises, or trying, including firing people. There’s nothing here for libertarians to be sad about though. Bannon is a Breitbart style conservotard. I don’t think there’s a libertarian bone in his body.
It sounds like Bannon is heading back to Breitbart, actually. This could end up being a full-blown war of leaks. Going to be fun trying to keep up.
Bye-bye Bannon.
I really, really hope questions to “dear prudence” are about as legit as Penthouse Letters. I align with Zardoz on every answer. Just save the rest of us decades of eye-rolling and kill yourselves now, losers.
(narrows gaze, wonders if this was some simultaneous inspiration, accidental plagiarism, or a case of psychic echolalia…)
You can’t OWN words, man.
i wasn’t making a claim of originality, i was just genuinely weirded out whether it was a simultaneous thought, or whether it was a un-threaded response/reaction
Simultaneous. The whole idea of writing a letter to a letter to a newspaper asking for moral advice is too absurd that anyone would actually do it.
Would they?
The original Dear Prudence, Emily Yoffe was much better than the current one. And Yoffe was pretty hot in a MILF kind of way.
Pictures or GTFO.
Oooh – senior management massacre at my job today. A VP or two and some of their underlings. It’s not a “layoff” but a corporate realignment.
Sadly I still have a job… of course there are still a few hours left in the day so you never know. Either way *shrugs*
This happened at my wife’s employer before the turn of last year. It was a total bloodbath with like 7 VPs getting shitcanned. I take a pretty dim view of organisations that take on a lot of dead weight and have to routinely “realign.”
It’s an old story around here – if the business is doing well, it’s “hire hire hire” time. And “we need a huge lean department so we can get leaner!”
A little downturn and it’s “We’re paying these people how much to do what?”
What, were they racist?
Heh. I work for a hedge fund.
Typical VP position here is “guy that checks all the dry-markers work”, or “dude that makes sure all the toilets were flushed after use”.
So the answer to Hyperion’s question is “Yes, they were racists, but that’s not they were fired”?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS MASKED CHOSEN ONE. ZARDOZ HOPES YOU MEANT A LITERAL MASSACRE. GO FORTH, AND KILL! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Sometimes I wonder if there is a fed here and what he thinks about all this, most likely no fed we are too small and not shady enough. But if there is, he probably misses thicc Thursday.
Today on CNN apparently Angela Rye said the following:
“The heart of the problem is the way many of us were taught American history. American history is not all glorious. I love John to death, I couldn’t disagree more about George Washington. George Washington was a slave owner. We need to call slave owners out for what they are. Whether we think they were protecting American freedom or not. He wasn’t protecting my freedom. I wasn’t someone – my ancestors weren’t deemed human beings to him. To me, I don’t care if it’s a George Washington statue or a Thomas Jefferson statue or a Robert E. Lee statue, they all need to come down…I’m calling out white supremacy for what it is. And sometimes, what it is, John, are blind spots. Sometimes what it is, is not acknowledging this country was built upon a very violent past that resulted in the death and the raping and the killing of my ancestors. I’m not going to allow us to say it’s okay for Robert E. Lee but not a George Washington. We need to call it what it is.”
Does Trump live in these idiots’ heads or what? Holy cow. You would have thought they could have held out a little bit before doing this. They lasted what? 48 hours?
Well, then shut up and go tear down the Washington Monument, and while you’re at it, head on over the Mt. Vernon and get to work. And you know what? Slave owners also built the Whitehouse, so there your next job. Get at it! There’s no time to waste, civilization still exists!
Trump just baited the Democrats into becoming the part of tearing down the Washington Monument. That ought to work out well.
Well, then shut up and go tear down the Washington Monument, and while you’re at it,
No, they won’t tear it down – its not a statue of an evil person. Its just a stone geometric shape, that can easily be renamed to cleanse it of its badthink impurity.
I confidently predict, again, that there will be a push to rename it after our greatest President, Barack Obama.
There was no president by that name.
And, no there is no such thing as unpersoning.
/ministry of truth.
Wait until all four faces on Mount Rushmore are remade as Obama faces.
I thought they would at least give a spot for Mao and Lenin.
Can we have a rename Washington DC contest? Also, when is the Seattle council going to degree they are no longer part of a state named after a racist?
I don’t see how you can purge the Washington name without purging the Columbus name as well.
“Welcome to King*, the Imperial Capital of the United States, located in the District of Barack. On your left you will see the Obama Monument, and over at that end of the mall is the Marx memorial. We expect the Karl Marx statue to be installed shortly, now that the slave rapist Jefferson’s statue has been removed and ceremonially destroyed.”
*Named after MLK, but c’mon, how can Our Masters resist?
King is out, dude. Not woke enough, not intersectional enough, too obsessed with behavior over skin color.
I’m betting “Trayvonsberg” or “Brownsville”
To paraphrase Mr. Reality from South Park:
You’re sad that some presidents owned slaves? Well, I’m sorry, history is not one big liberal arts college campus! Morals change, we take our spoiled lives for granted. Feel a little bad about sometimes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv2ZMN3T18E
I mean it’s not like the slaves own people’s sold them into slavery and that existed before whitey or anything. Not excusing the USA for allowing that shit to begin wtih, it was a horrifically stupid idea and a hell of a blemish on our record. But you know what? To start with, we aren’t the only country or people to ever engage in slavery. It’s almost as old as civilization. Now that it’s over, it’s time to move on and learn from the past. This entire idea that the white devils came along and founded the USA and ruined a perfect paradise is extremely refuted by a brutal and barbaric history. There were no noble savages.
That’s why we must keep moving through the socialist state on the way to the glorious utopia of anarcho-communism!
You know, it would be nice if these people were rational enough that you could talk to them and explain to them that if they actually could get what they are asking for, they will eventually find out just how good they have it and how brutal and cruel history has been when it repeats itself. But that’s not possible, so we’re left with having to stop them so the rest of us don’t have to suffer along with the idiots.
What’s this “we” shit, kemosabe?
Hyperion, I believe there is a nontrivial percentage of our population that has been indoctrinated to believe that the enslavement of blacks by Americans is the only historical instance of slavery.
Which means that slaves in the south 160 years ago had a better grasp of history than many of today’s college students. At least those slaves knew from the Bible that the ancient Egyptians had slaves.
Something something “black bodies” something.
Holy shit, it never occurred to me that I might petition Putin’s government for reparations for my serf ancestors. Or I just go piss hard into the wind.
I’m going way further back. Everyone outside of sub-Saharan Africa has traces of Neanderthal genes. The Neanderthals got genocided. I blame someone for killing my ancestors. I have to sue someone. The pure Sapiens must pay up. How much are Zimbabwe dollars worth now? Get those wheelbarrows rolling now.
The best theories regarding Neanderthals are also the sexiest. There was simply a lot of cross-species sexytime, mixing, and eventually a hot mess of hedonistic fusion. Let’s just face facts that there wasn’t a genocide, but there was a lot of semen ejaculated about caves and lean-tos.
Hush now, Pomp, my lawyer is already drawing up the case.
The Neanderthal genocide is just a theory. I mean, we do kind of have the habit of murder-fucking our way across the world, but the archaeological evidence isn’t substantial enough to indicate that was the case. There’s like a dozen other theories as to why it happened, the one I think is pretty good is shifts in the European climate changing the ecosystem in ways the Neanderthals couldn’t benefit from.
I know it’s just a theory, JT, but it’s a fairly solid one, at the least. They couldn’t compete with us and our superior technology and they may have lacked spoken language. Also looks like interbreeding was very limited. So us killing them off in a battle for scarce resources, I’ll buy it. Still just a theory. But that’s good enough for my sarcasm.
There’s no way that any of the useful idiot progressives know anything about history, let alone understand it’s lessons. They sit around on their iThingys talking shit about revolutions with their spoiled friends and think they understand what that sort of thing is like. They have it better than anyone in history and they don’t even get that, let alone understand what the normal condition of humans has been like through pretty much all of history before now, and even now they live in the country with the highest standard of living in history. And they complain about rich people. They are fucking rich by historical comparison and even compared to any 3rd world and even most first world countries today. Be thankful for what you have is apparently a term they have never heard.
Now that it’s over…
Except for the communists, who think that slavery is fine just so long as the master is the government. Which reminds me, which political party are the Antifas associated with…
The National Democrat Socialist Worker’s Party, I believe.
Totes rational.
I wrote several satirical responses, but deleted them all because you can’t parody the real world anymore.
I tried to spin some extra funny into that quote, but I couldn’t manage it. It’s too absurd on its own.
Whats the prog version of hold my beer? Hold my La Crouix? Starbucks?
Well, make being a communist a crime again, with the sentence to be a slave-laborer in a government widget factory – 13th amendment compatable, and the communists get exactly what they’re asking for.
You mean If I can’t force everyone to call to refer to me as xe and I don’t get paid more in my comfy job for doing nothing, that’s not the same as being a slave? RACIST!
Trump turned the tables on them. I’m utterly flabbergasted at his ability to do something that seems kind of half-assed and messed up and have it turn out beautifully. It’s like watching a ball player take a crappy swing at a pitch that is low and inside from a crappy stance, and hit a grounder that ends up in some corner of the outfield where no one can get it.
It’s kind of infuriating to me since I adore cerebral thoughtful people and hate to see emotional trainwrecks. But each trainwreck seems to work out great for him.
I’ve given up predicting his demise.
He seems to have an instinct for flipping things and turning them around on his opponents, while goading them into paroxysms of self-defeating hysteria in the process.
He’s got ballz of steel and nerves to match. The guy simply has no fear. And regardless of if you like him or hate him, he’s exactly what we needed. The best thing he’s done is he’s inflicted a mortal wound to political correctness. He’s also single handedly cut our corrupt media down to size. That’s one hell of an accomplishment in the road back to liberty, even if he only did it to stroke his own ego.
“Chase that laser pointer! CHASE IT!”
And they do.
They apparently don’t teach context in school they had Kings who ruled by the will of God then and Washington and Jefferson we’re radicals of civil rights. It is like they have no concept of where this will all lead. Eventually they will be the old people who need to be purged for progress and they just scream to get there faster.
Isn’t it interesting how obsessed these people are with vague historical sins from generations ago, but when, say, a President in current power is murdering children overseas for dubious strategic reasons there seems to be sufficiently less outrage and moral preening?
Hush. That guy, as prez, was personable in the right ways, somebody that seems like they would be a great neighbour. Likes arugula too.
If it isn’t on the news or the history books then it’s not apart of the narrative. Most people don’t have time to follow all the spin-offs, one shots and mini series.
So in 2112, after the kickass Rush concert, are neo-communists going to burn down the Barack Obama Presidential Library?
2112 will long have been reinterpreted as a story an African American rediscovering his ethnic identity. Reclaiming his heritage from the whitewashed post racial society and use the power of song guided by three Sheppard’s of the free north. One with the voice of a siren crying out to restore peace to man the way it has been restored in the Forrest overthrowing the ____ along with late stage capitalism.
I have to ask, though, given their premises, how is she wrong?
I’ll answer. The focus of American history as typically taught is wrong. Too much focus is given to individuals and simplistic characterizations of good and evil instead of the ideas that those people represented. History lies in the complexity of human interaction and philosophy. George Washington largely exists as a cartoon in the American imagination.
Was Washington perfect? No. But how did his ideas differ from those who came before him? Millenials have little to no appreciation for how radical Jefferson actually was and how his radicalism actually led to support of the first bloody socialist endeavor and the predecessors to Lenin. They don’t know anything of Madison or George Mason. What they know of Hamilton consists of excerpts from bad rap poetry.
I agree with you. But, my premises are probably closer to yours than Rye’s. I mean, can’t you make the same sort of argument about Lee?
The point is they’re not interested in having an actual discussion on the quality of ideas surrounding RE Lee. They reduce everything to symbols because that’s what they were taught to do and because it works well in a virtue signaling twitter world.
You’re absolutely right. And I think that’s where we’re missing each other here. Yes, they reduce everything to symbols. And if Lee is a symbol of evil, there’s no reason for Washington to not be a symbol of evil. He was one of those Evil Southern Plantation-owners. Hell, you can easily enough go to Zinn and get the narrative of Washington’s brutal suppression of peasant farmers.
What I’m suggesting is that in the funhouse mirror world you describe these folks living in (and I agree with your assessment), Rye’s position has the advantage of being internally consistent.
Yes, and that’s why I lay the blame with education. They don’t appear to have the tools to do anything else.
You absolutely can. Which is the whole point of Trump’s question. There’s literally nothing you can say about Robert E. Lee, slaveholder and rebel against a central government, that doesn’t also apply to George Washington.
Logically, if you remove the Lee statues, then you should remove the Washington statues too. It’s funny, for a guy most people seem to be convinced isn’t very bright at all, Trump has a way with the quasi-Socratic question.
George Washington largely exists as a cartoon in the American imagination.
You shut your whore mouth!
I’ve considered the possibility that Trump takes positions on controversial issues just to watch the sides align. He may do this knowing that a majority of the country is unlikely to align with his opposition.
I think he said something to that effect on the tranny ban. I don’t know if it’s a well thought out strategy or just a intuitive one. But the left sure did turn up the crazy on the “Sex does not exist front.” And I don’t think the country buys into that as much as democrats think. I think they like pushing through those sorts of ideas behind closed doors up the chain of power. Not having to sell them on network TV to non-interaecrionality trained rubes.
I think the orthodox political position is to avoid controversy since pissing half the people off is worse than not. I doubt it’s a new strategy but it certainly looks like it has some effect. He’s basically baited them from talking about the murder to coming out against George Washington.
Next stop, they’ll come out against Mom, Apple Pie and Burning Crosses on the Lawn.
And that, sir, that will not stand!
I think I know how the media will spin the Bannon thing. Bannon got fired because he called the VA Nazis a “collection of clowns”.
Aha! Trump really is a Secret Nazi President.
This guy gets it. ^^
DERP- I posted an apology on last night’s links for being unnecessarily snarky.
It’s all good. I appreciate the gesture.
I should read that book you mentioned. Thanks for the suggestion.
Have you learned nothing?!? Never apologize! Never back down! If they do something stupid, you do something stupider!
What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?
What is this apologizing and fucking making up shit. Learn how to hold a fucking grudge, not dance around like a lot of Kansas City faggots.
This Brutal approves of what I hope will be a regular feature.
ZARDOZ WILL CONSULT THE TABERNACLE. ALL IS POSSIBLE.
This should be fun.
https://twitter.com/gabrielsherman/status/898594013409882112
Office Progs are super giddy. Bannons gonna name names, he’s gonna produce the smoking gun of the ZOMG RUSSIANSSSS!!!! Impeachment is gonna happen!!!!!
I saw a headline come across my Google feed from Newsweek: Trump is just six Senate votes away from impeachment.
How do they not realize that just means Pence is in charge?
How do they think that’s actually going to happen without actual evidence of illegality to drive popular opinion? Impeachment may be a political act as opposed to criminal, but most people are going to require something more than “he said something we don’t like” to actually do it.
I’m not Derpetologist, I wasn’t planning on attempting to read the article without a CamelBak of whiskey.
Once Trump is impeached, Pence will be the new Great Satan. Then Trump will gradually be rehabilitated to the Strange New Respect, as a Prior Republican Who Was In Hindsight Not Nearly As Extreme As The Current Evil Republican.
I have repeatedly had progs tell me that W was so moderate, civilized, and a good man…..a guy who they also called Hitler and wished impeachment and assassination on.
This isn’t a new thing. Every single Republican President is THE MOST EVIL HITLERESQUE EVIL THAT EVER EXISTED EVER.
I read a story from right after the election about a science fiction writer from the 80s that had a right wing tyrant win election on the slogan ‘make america great again’. They interviewed the writer who admitted it was originally about Reagan.
Pretty much every dystopian fantasy about fascists written in North America in the 80s was ’cause Reagan.’
In Europe it was ’cause Thatcher’.
Yeah, they always claim some right-winger’s gonna crush somebody’s face and yet, whenever the boot falls, it’s always a left foot.
An internet haven for anti-Semites going after Trump is truly what could end his Presidency.
Live look at HuffPo so fully losing their minds that they’ve temporarily remembered that they’re the actual Racist Party…
Based on this headline, clearly HuffPo believes in the (((NWO)))
A lot of the left-wing screeds about evil neoliberals/libertarians/conservatives influencing and exploiting the world through finance are legitimately just old anti-Semitic conspiracy theories that they’ve redressed to their modern Goldsteins.
“Those kulaks and (((neoliberals))) are threats to our Marxist paradise, they must be cleansed for the unity of the movement!”
Come on, prog, tell me the difference between National Socialism and Communism.
“You’re a Nazi!”
Did that answer your question?
The one I always point to is Naomi Klein’s Shock Doctrine, which claims that evil right-wingers exploit instability in other countries to enrich themselves. If you replace every time she says conservative, libertarian, or neoconservative with ‘Jew’ it is indistinguishable from 19th century anti-Semite propaganda. And about as based on reality.
They changed it to white flight… which apparently is somehow so much better.
I can’t wait til these assholes come to Tucson next month. I hope they shit their pants all the way back to the border.
I for one am disappointed that Zardoz stopped answering Prudence’s letters before he got to the one about the girl who thinks her gay neighbor might be into her:
Hear our plea, oh Zardoz, and answer this women with your sage advice.
Dress like a man, get your gay friend drunk, and hope for the best?
Sounds a bit rapey, even for you, LH.
He got his dating advice from Lott’s daughters.
You mean Lot?
/Bitchin Dog FM
Thankie. I like him because he does what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. I respect that. The other dog is a people pleaser.
hey now – not passed out drunk – just “open to explore new ideas” drunk
You don’t get to be lord of the wastes without breaking a few omelets…or something…
Sounds like she has an infatuation with someone unattainable because it’s safe and she doesn’t have to take any action.
/armchair psychologist
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. FOOLISH BRUTAL – HOW MANY TIMES MUST ZARDOZ REMIND YOU THE PENIS IS EVIL. DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO THE ETERNAL CONSUELLA WHEN SHE LECTURED: “PENIC ERECTION WAS ONE OF THE MANY UNSOLVED EVOLUTIONARY MYSTERIES SURROUNDING SEXUALITY.” DO NOT TRY TO COMPREHEND IT – EVEN THE TABERNACLE CANNOT ANSWER. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Thank you Zardoz. Your coherence is worthy of your wisdom.
Dear ZARDOZ,
I just received an email from my university reminding to me to take the mandatory Sexual Violence Prevention Training. Note, that this isn’t just sexual harassment training but actual “how not to rape” training as if I was migrant to Europe.
The helpful Title IX coordinator included this thinly veiled threat:
While there are no formal consequences for not completing the program, we encourage you to do so.
Do I flex my cis het shitlord privilege and risk provoking the Title IX gods by tossing this in the virtual trashcan?
Signed,
Title IX is out of control
Tell them that they’re hateful and bigoted and that 50% of your chromosomes came from a woman, which means your views MATTER.
Ahem:
The Art of Manliness: The Simple Sabotage Manual
LOL
I just shared this with the other managers in my group. We all work for a large German multi-national and are currently debating whether we implemented all these ideas because of pure chance or because our German overlords captured this book but did not realize its true purpose.
I have definitely worked for and with these people.
Haha, bookmarking this
Spartan Dad:
Don’t go. Then, when they show up to slap you around, point to the “no formal consequences”.
When they say “Oh, we just want to have a conversation”, tell them you have a job to do and you’d like to do it, thanks, and this is starting to feel like you are being harassed for not doing something they were explicit was not required.
Follow up with a written complaint to your boss and the VP of HR. Now you’re a whistleblower, and they can’t fire you.
+1 17 pieces of flair
My work has the usual training crap but nothing this bad. This for a degree I’m pursuing remotely hundreds of miles away from the campus which makes ‘mandatory but not mandatory’ rape awareness training even more absurd. That’s good advice though anyway.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN TITLE IX’D ONE. ZARDOZ INSTRUCTS YOU TO TAKE THE COURSE – IN THE WORDS OF THE ETERNAL CONSUELLA: “OF COURSE WE ALL KNOW THE PHYSICAL PROCESS INVOLVED, BUT NOT THE LINK BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE. THERE SEEMS TO BE A CORRELATION WITH VIOLENCE, WITH FEAR. MANY HANGED MEN DIED WITH AN ERECTION. YOU ARE ALL MORE OR LESS AWARE OF OUR INTENSIVE RESEARCHES INTO THIS SUBJECT. SEXUALITY DECLINED PROBABLY BECAUSE WE NO LONGER NEEDED TO PROCREATE. ETERNALS SOON DISCOVERED THAT ERECTION WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE. AND WE ARE NO LONGER VICTIMS OF THIS VIOLENT CONVULSIVE ACT WHICH SO DEBASED WOMEN AND BETRAYED MEN.” REMEMBER, THE PENIS IS EVIL AND DO NOT PROCREATE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
REMEMBER, THE PENIS IS EVIL AND DO NOT PROCREATE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN
A little too late for that one but I’ll bask in the glow of being a chosen one by ZARDOZ all the same.
Dear ZARDOZ,
I keep getting grain in my vagina while making tribute deliveries. What should I do?
Signed,
Yeasty in the Wasteland
Wear underwear when delivering grain.
I thought the vagina was the cargo hold.
Not sure how underwear will help, maybe use a hose?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN GRAIN DELIVERING ONE. AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT INTERFERE WITH THE ETERNALS BREAD MAKING, IT IS OF NO CONSEQUENCE. HOWEVER, MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT HAVE ONE OF THESE IN YOUR GRAIN DELIVERY!
Things that make you not really black:
-Being a republican
–Being a scab
I laughed out loud. Thank you ZARDOZ. I hope this becomes a regular feature.