Week 0 College Football Preview

It isn’t the real start of the season, that is next weekend. But there are five games being played this weekend in FBS, so might as well get started. Like the short week itself with a lack of interesting games, this preview is mostly dull, too. It will get better next week, honest.

Rivalry of the Week

Hawaii @ UMass, Amherst, MA

These border states (I am standing by it. If you go the correct Northwestish angle from Hawaii, the next state you hit is MA) have played a total of **ONE** time previously, with Hawaii winning 46-40 in 2016. Stubhub has seats starting at $15, so you better get on it.

Tailgate of the Week

Stanford vs Rice, Sydney, AU

Kangaroos, Koalas, Drop Bears, and college football. This location has everything you would expect from an opening weekend. Stanford and Rice kick off their seasons in the land of poisonous beasts and plants. My understanding is that normal college football rules will be used in the 1st and 4th quarters, but Aussie rules will be used in quarter 2 and Rugby League rules in quarter 3.

Rice leads the all-time series 3-2, but Stanford has won the last two, dating back to 1964.

Brewpub: Redoak Boutique Beer Café looks like a good spot to hit before or after the game, but I will let our locals throw in their two cents? pence? pesos? worth.

Booze: The 1778

50ml Gin
10ml Apple Schnapps
30ml Wild Hibiscus and Rosella Syrup
10ml Lime Juice
1 Finger Lime, Muddled
Wattle
Chill a martini glass with ice.
In a mixing glass, muddle finger lime. Fill with ice then add all ingredients and stir until chilled. Discard ice from martini glass. Fine strain the mixture into Martini glass. Garnish with wattle. What the hell is a wattle? The chicken neck thing?

Wattle?

Game of the Week

Oregon St @ Colorado St, Ft Collins, CO

There are only five FBS games this weekend, so this is the best I can do.

Not that anyone cares, but the series is tied at 1-1, with the last game played in 1975.

Preseason Top 25

1. LSU 4.790
2. South Carolina 4.731
3. Georgia Tech 4.722
4. Mississippi St 4.657
5. UCLA 4.646
6. Duke 4.645
7. Auburn 4.626
8. Texas A&M 4.622
9. Clemson 4.617
10. Notre Dame 4.591
11. California 4.570
12. Mississippi 4.568
13. Georgia 4.541
14. Alabama 4.510
15. Purdue 4.502
16. Utah 4.496
17. Michigan 4.489
18. Oregon 4.479
19. Texas 4.478
20. Boston College 4.471
21. Tennessee 4.470
22. Pittsburgh 4.468
23. Nebraska 4.467
24. Texas Tech 4.466
25. Arizona St 4.454

Methodology: The rating is calculated assuming that the team in question (let’s say, LSU, for this example) wins the rest of their games. Which, at this point, means they go undefeated, but the rest of the games go according to projections (the projections are just based on end of 2016 rankings). The rating numbers of these hypothetical undefeated teams are then used to compute the rankings. So, at this point, it is basically a ranking of Strength of Schedule. As the season goes on, future schedules will become less important and results of games actually played will become more important.

Editor’s note: Link included at the request of a founder

Comments

163 responses to “Week 0 College Football Preview”

  1. Sean

    Second!

    1. DenverJ

      First!

  2. RBS

    I think I’ll send your T25 to all the idiot CockFans I know (and am related to).

    1. robc

      I really dont need a USCe fanbase.

  3. Ugh, sportsball. I want my money back.

    1. robc

      think of it as an open thread.

      1. In actuality I’m pretty ambivalent toward sports, except for rugby which is thrilling.

        Open thread you say! Today I bought a Ruger American 9mm pistol today at a good price to replace the Sig P220 that was burglarised from my home last year. The gun is already growing on me and I haven’t even shot it yet.

      2. Trigger Hippie

        Open? I’ll shoot.

        ‘Transportation development districts (TDD) can impose a sales tax in increments of 1/8% up to one percent (1%). TDD sales taxes have historically been collected by the district or local authority. House Bill [redacted] amended section 238.235, [redacted] to require the Department of Revenue (Department) to begin collecting sales taxes imposed by TDDs. While the legislation is effective August 28, [redacted] the statute includes a provision that the collection of taxes by the Department are effective on the first day of the second calendar quarter after the Department receives notification from the district. Based on district notifications, the Department will first begin collecting a transportation development district’s tax for tax periods beginning January 1, [redacted].’

        As I’ve been led to understand(gross oversimplification here), TDD’s are areas of land that are bought up, declared quasi-townships by the state, then after private developers build whatever it is they wanted to build, said developers impose whatever sort of ‘city’ sales tax they can legally get away with.

        Is this a blatant form of corporatism/taxation without real representation? Am I philosophically off the mark? Or am I completely misunderstanding how this works?

        1. Fuck you, cut spending.

          1. Trigger Hippie

            Indeed. But what I’m basically asking is: If the land wasn’t owned by the developers it would more than likely fall within the confines of a local municipality. So any ‘city’ sales tax would be pocketed as extra income by the developers. Should I care?

            Yes, it’s an extremely disingenuous thing to do by developers. They essentially create ipso facto fiefdoms where their vote is the only one that matters. But if I voluntarily enter your place of business/city to do business with your/city, knowing all the facts ahead of time, and it redirected money away from the state into the hands of a private citizen or small group of private citizens, should I care?

          2. Yes, because if they have this power, they’ll keep trying to expand it.

      3. Open thread! Today I bought a Ruger American pistol in 9mm to replace the Sig P220 that was burglarised from my home last year, and it’s really growing on me so far despite the fact that I haven’t shot it yet.

      4. Open thread! I bought a new Ruger American pistol in 9mm Lugar to replace the Sig P220 that got burglarised from my home last year. Figured I’d try something new and it’s already growing on me even though I haven’t shot it yet.

    2. straffinrun

      You gotta take this thread one comment at a time. We’re all just glad to be here and thank Jesus for the opportunity. Let’s get out there and show them what we got. If it were easy everybody would be doing it.

      1. Fuck that! I want to create a pissing match with a moderator and then self-deport ASAP.

    3. Playa Manhattan

      That’s not how betting works, son.

  4. SP

    I’m glad that college football isn’t a business. I am sure the players all had to have bake sales and sell candy bars to fund their trips to Sydney.

    1. Hyperion

      We have to make college football a business. That way kids will stay in college instead of going to the NFL as Juniors. This country is going to heck in a hand basket.

  5. Trigger Hippie

    Ah, week 1 of college football. The equivalent of beating up your younger brother’s weakest friend.

    -1 Appalachian State

    1. Mr Lizard

      Rich Rodriguez is a fat stupid mammal that will always be known for the most epic opening day loss in history.

      1. robc

        1981, GT opens the year with a win over Alabama in Birmingham.

        GT finishes the year 1-10.

        Alabama doesnt lose again until the Cotton Bowl.

    2. Lachowsky

      Fun fact.

      I was eating sushi amd drinking beer woth my brother at a Japanese place in conway arkansas when that game was played. I have no rooting interest in app. st. The game was on in that restaurant while I was there amd my brother and I were casually watching it. The longer the game went on, the more my brother and I got engaged.

      Long story short, we and about 50 other people in that bar ended up drunk and cheering on app st all the way til the end of the game. It was a lot of fun. I ended up with about a 150 ticket that was mostly 6 dollar sapporo beer.

  6. robc

    BTW, I am open for ludicrously insppropriate rivalry games and/or location specific drink recipes.

  7. trshmnstr

    14. Alabama 4.510
    15. Purdue 4.502

    lol, we’re gunning for you Alabama!! (The only thing Purdue is ever going to be ranked 15th in football-wise is ACLs torn)

    1. Annoyed Nomad

      Another Purdue alumnus? Dear lord, I hope they do better with Brohm. I miss the Tiller years.

  8. Hyperion

    Oh noes, not the foozball again. I don’t see how anyone can watch college foozball. There’s no defense. It’s just two teams running up and down the field until the score’s like a basketball game.

    In other news, this is interesting:

    Zoolander is winning, showing Trump who’s boss!

    1. trshmnstr

      I don’t see how anyone can watch college foozball. There’s no defense. I

      Maybe in the Big 12 or the Pac 12, but other conferences are more defensively focused.

      1. Lachowsky

        college football national championship game
        LSU -3
        Alabama – 6

      1. LJW

        That wasn’t good defense just two bad teams all around.

    2. SP

      So just like the Eagles/Dolphins game just now. We were just discussing the seeming basketball score. Jay Cutler? Really?

      1. Hyperion

        Jay Cutler is still alive? Didn’t he play for Denver in… was it 1962? And he wasn’t any good then.

    3. DenverJ

      Of those who have arrived this year, nearly 7,000 have arrived since July, the vast majority at an unofficial crossing point between Quebec and New York.

      Wait, so all those liberals claiming they’d move to Canada if Trump got elected actually meant it?

  9. LJW

    Keep hating on K-State they thrive on being under-rated. Also Texas should be disqualified from preseason top 25 because they lost to KU!

    1. one true athena

      I’d rather the Bruins be under-rated than this over-rated nonsense. It doesn’t turn out well.

      1. DOOMco

        USC.

        1. one true athena

          Barf

        2. DOOMco

          That wasn’t supposed to be here.

        3. Playa Manhattan

          It’s a mighty fine boarding school.

          1. robc

            which one? East or West?

          2. Playa Manhattan

            The one that’s polluting my town. USC flags everywhere.

            True story: they offered me a “scholarship”. 80% ride. Apparently, they do that every year to bump up their average SAT score.

          3. Many years ago – seen on TV UCLA vs USC – “My Maid Went To USC” sign held up in UCLA fan section.

    2. Lachowsky

      meh, Arkansa has beaten K state in bowl games twice in the past few years, amd arkansas has been sucking balls lately
      .

  10. Old Man With Candy

    Preseason little league sports? Man, you people are desperate.

    1. Hyperion

      They’ll be watching the wiffle ball sand lot tourney next.

  11. DOOMco

    I could go up to CSU.

    1. Playa Manhattan

      As if CU isn’t bad enough.

  12. Hyperion

    So I hear there’s mega storm heading for the Gulf coast. Anyone living down there, I have to tell you, the Weather channel is your best friend. Every time they predict a storm of the century, it turns into a total dud. It’s like they’re the CNN of weather.

    1. LJW

      It’s global warmings fault.

  13. straffinrun

    Trump, Calling Journalists ‘Sick People,’ Puts Media on Edge

    Jim VandeHei, a co-founder of Axios who also helped found Politico, said on Twitter that the remarks were “despicable, extremely deceptive, dangerous.” He referred to Daniel Pearl, the Wall Street Journal reporter who was kidnapped and killed in Pakistan.

    Trump wants to literally behead journalists.

    1. Hyperion

      I think it was the NYT who just put out an article today, something like ‘Trump, we’re journalists, not the enemy!’. Umm, yeah right. The left media spent 100% of their effort in 2016 on defending Hillary and smearing Trump, even colluding with the DNC in the process. No, it doesn’t matter if someone is a Trump fan or not, any reasonably unbiased person could understand, that to this guy, you ARE the fucking enemy.

    2. Raven Nation

      I see – publishing reports that psychiatrists think the president is mentally insane is good journalism but Trump’s words are despicable, etc.

      1. straffinrun

        The Goldwater rule was made before we had an actual Insane Idiot Mastermind Russian Nazi in the White House.

        1. Actually, it was made after the Kennedy presidency.

      2. Hyperion

        Look, when far left progs who have been thoroughly embarrassed and defeated by the obviously retarded president who they hate, we have to take that very seriously.

    3. Not an Economist

      Why do some people get upset when others constantly lie about them?

  14. DenverJ

    A post about college football with no mention of the idiocacy at ESPN? Really? Was that already covered while I was working?

    1. quincy

      All persons named Robert Lee have been deported to Canada.

      1. DenverJ

        Pretty harsh, dude. Execution would have been sufficient.

    2. Hyperion

      That Ching-a-ling had it coming!

    3. robc

      It was covered a couple of days ago.

      1. DenverJ

        What a coincidence; I was working a couple days ago, too.
        Seriously, don’t you people work?

    4. Slammer

      The entire thing could have been avoided if he had just said, “My last name is pronounced Ree”

      1. robc

        Lobelt Ree

      2. CZmacure

        Robert E REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  15. DEG

    Brewpub: Redoak Boutique Beer Café looks like a good spot to hit before or after the game, but I will let our locals throw in their two cents? pence? pesos? worth.

    On my last trip to Australia, I found out about Redoak on my last day in Sydney, which was a Sunday. The day they are closed. Doh’t!

    I stopped in at 4 Pines Beer in Manly. I thought it was good.

    1. Hyperion

      “4 Pines Beer in Manly”

      You sound like some sort of shitlord.

    2. DenverJ

      Fun fact: Australia isn’t really a country! It’s the biggest Disney theme park on the planet!

      1. Hyperion

        There was another continent named Sunda and Aussie land was part of Sahul. But most of that sank beneath the ocean and only Australia is left. Which proves global warming. Because the retreat of the last glacial maximum was caused by the Aussies driving giant SUVs. That’s why they have so much white guilt.

        1. R C Dean

          Sounds legit.

  16. Hyperion

    Off topic, but in the last couple of days, after having bought some new games on Steam and spending some time in discussions over there, it’s derptastic how much time Europeans, Canadians, Aussies, etc have spent on there pissing and moaning about how much more games and other things cost than in the USA. I remained silent while a few people tried to explain to them about how higher taxes, including VATs, factor into that, and watching the Eurotards go all crazy about how it must be some sort of American imperial capitalist plot to destabilize the world and enslave poor people. The world has went completely fucking insane, as if I needed any more reminders of that fact. Europe, Canada, and the Aussies are fucking doomed, only the USA can be saved. Can we begin just sacrificing progs to the volcano Gods now? Yellowstone is overdue.

    1. straffinrun

      Hey man, whycome you cnat just beat up on dumb southerners like everyone else?

      1. Hyperion

        Mama said I can’t beat up on my cuzins, specially the girls, cause they got boobies and a period?

        1. Robert The Bruce Lee

          So Mama *didn’t* say this?

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Canadians *can* be retarded when it comes to not understanding the impact of high taxes for public services on income and how supply and demand and price signals are distorted. I also find it amazing how Canadians seem to not understand 85% of our food comes from trade with the USA.

      Then again, we don’t have a war on drugs. That’s a plus, no?

      1. DenverJ

        Not sure if that’s a uniquely Canadian form of retardation. Pretty sure the rest of the world suffers from it also.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Yes. ’tis true. The second part though stands.

          1. DenverJ

            By the way, we put visene in all the beer was ship north.

          2. mr simple

            So it’s good for your eyes?

    3. John Titor

      Europe, Canada, and the Aussies are fucking doomed, only the USA can be saved.

      Yep, you keep telling yourself that.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        America has to solved their MLB ump problem first!

        That was some brawl between the Yanks and Tigers today!

    4. Pan Zagloba

      Canadians are bitching? Why?

      Steam doesn’t charge the sales tax! Publishers set the price, so some price games at slightly over exchange rate, more or less ($80) and others eat a bit of loss at $70.
      I guess maybe Valve might be at fault if the prescribe price bands, and $75 (which is what exchange rate is right now) is not one?

      Basically Aussies need to murder all their game retailers so that steam doesn’t have to price the same as they charge.

  17. dbleagle

    If Hawaii loses by mere double digits it will be a major accomplishment for the Rainbows. UH football truly is bad on an epic scale. Still the school receives incredible devotion to attend their horrible games because they have the only program in the State. You can tailgate and get epic drunk before a UH game, but having a beer on the beach is illegal. Truly, this state is odd.

    1. Mr Lizard

      Don’t you guys have solo cups? It’s how #Floridaman stays consistently sunburnt and drunk throughout the day

      1. dbleagle

        Well beer and bloody marys for breakfast is a long standing tradition. That and skipping beer and just using old water and gatorade bottles for rum, vodka and gin. One nice thing is watch early NFL game at 7am. Go have fun at the end of the game and watch the night game starting at 2pm.

        1. LT_Fish

          Yep, Sunday brunch at Big City Diner watching the 7 PM EST game. Classy! Kalbi steak and eggs with kimchi fried rice. I really miss that joint.

    2. DenverJ

      Fun fact: Hawaii isn’t really a state! It’s all done with trick photography!

    3. robc

      UMass is only a 2 pt favorite.

      1. BakedPenguin

        Jesus, that’s no help. I need it points or +/-110 for the line. Damn.

        1. BakedPenguin

          Sorry, you gave me the points quote.

    4. Playa Manhattan

      Fancy hotels somehow bend the rules.

      I’ve gotten shitfaced on many Hawaiian beaches.

      1. dbleagle

        They own the sand above the mean high water line. You are drinking on private property. Or see above.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          Sadly, I don’t remember exactly where I was drinking. I know it wasn’t cheap, though.

          1. DenverJ

            Why “sadly”? It means you got your money’s worth.

          2. Playa Manhattan

            Nah. I get my money’s worth in Vegas.

            If I’m on a family vacation and I can’t remember the mean high tide line, I’ve done something wrong.

            I do remember spilling a $20 Pina colada on the beach, though. I’ll never forget that.

    5. Lachowsky

      The 2007 Georgia vs. UH sugar bowl was hilarious. It was known in these parts as the “who wants to sack Colt Brennan game”

  18. Mr Lizard

    And yet your college sports enforcers (can I call them that?) invariably give Notre Dame a gentlemen’s spot in the top 25…

    1. robc

      I have them at #10.

      1. Mr Lizard

        Indeed, quite gentlemanly of you

  19. Slammer

    Alabama and FSU open against each other.
    The first game of the year may possibly be a rematch in the National Championship

    1. BakedPenguin

      Yet the ‘Noles are noticeably absent from the top 25 list.

      We need to end the electoral college voting in the NCAA.

  20. Rufus the Monocled

    Go Carlisle Indian Industrial School!

    1. Playa Manhattan

      Go Concordia Junior College!

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Best slide whistle band in North America bitch!

    2. Lachowsky

      I got my degree in industrial control systems from Vo-Tech. We had no sports teams, but go Vo-Tech!!!

      1. DenverJ

        I hope they win: I bet a hundy on ’em.

      2. Rufus the Monocled

        “industrial control systems”

        These euphemisms. They’re on another astral plane now.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          Teledildonics

          1. DenverJ

            I actually laughed out loud.

  21. Playa Manhattan

    My internet is down. Does anyone have the score to the Cal game?

    1. DenverJ

      5

      1. Robert The Bruce Lee

        That wasn’t the question. The question was if anyone had the score.

        The correct answer is yes.

        1. DenverJ

          In binary, 5 = yes

          1. Robert The Bruce Lee

            More Sassenach math.

          2. Lachowsky

            in binary 5 = 101

          3. DenverJ

            Fake news

          4. BakedPenguin

            SJW binary (Note: Do not watch unless you are a nerd.)

          5. CPRM

            I watched it. I’m a geek, not a nerd. I watched it, then got another beer.

          6. thrakkorzog

            There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those that don’t.

        2. DenverJ

          Also, your name is triggering.

          1. Robert The Bruce Lee

            What is a J and why do you Sassenach associate it with Denver?

          2. DenverJ

            J is my initial, and I associate it with Denver to differentiate myself from Miami J

          3. hayeksplosives

            The newly relocated Smokin’ Jay Cutler, Miami QB?

            He looked pretty good today, but he still gets hate from “teh media” because he happens to have Bitchy Resting Face.

          4. DenverJ

            Well, that and he’s really not starting QB material. Shoulda gone the Kubiak route: best second string QB every! I mean, he’s way better than me (although I’m at least three times better lover).
            Good looking guy if I was gay, i guess. Probly gets laid waaay more than i do. But just not worth what he’s being paid.

        3. Playa Manhattan

          Eddie, if you have next weeks’ score, I’d love to go into business with you.

          1. Robert The Bruce Lee

            Confound it

          2. straffinrun

            Playa just says what we were all thinking, but had the decency not to say.

          3. Robert The Bruce Lee

            Well, I’ll have to find a better beard and moustache, plus get a refund on this one – “oh, no, sir, it really disguises your appearance!”

          4. DenverJ

            You don’t need a beard, we’re pretty accepting of the homosexuals around here.

          5. Robert The Bruce Lee

            Even I know that term is outdated, and I’m a fake medieval Scotsman.

          6. Robert The Bruce Lee

            And I would never make Dolly jealous…wait, never mind…

          7. Slammer

            The score is gonna be:

            Toxic Masculinity- 1
            Rest of the world-0

          8. Robert The Bruce Lee

            Of course I shouldn’t have tried to fool you into thinking a True Scotsman would appear.

    2. Gustave Lytton
    3. cyto

      Cal is -11 against North Carolina.

      Which is impressive, as UNC lost their entire offense. QB, all running backs, all receivers. They have one returning receiver who played any significant number of plays, and he was like the 5th option. They have converted 2 linebackers to running back to get enough bodies. The O-Line was supposed to be their one solid piece, but they’ve already had a couple of injuries and a couple of transfers out.

      But the good news is that most of the defense is back. The really, really not that good defense.

      Against a Cal team that beat Texas, Oregon and UCLA. That’s a pretty impressive list. They lost just about everything else though, including their coach. But a pretty potent offense returns, with a decent new coordinator.

      I’d take the points, no doubt.

    1. DenverJ

      Oh nos!

    2. Raven Nation

      No problem, they’re just going to take over all the North Sea wells because they’re really in Scottish waters.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      Same like Quebec.

      Except Quebec thinks they can still share debt and equalization payments if they decided to unilaterally leave.

      1. DenverJ

        I mean, I’ve literally zero idea what you’re talking about, and I’ve been drinking and smoking pot. Ok?
        But, why couldn’t they? You entered into a contract, situation changes, all parties agree to renegotiate to everybody’s mutual advantage..
        But, again, i have no clue what we’re even discussing.

  22. Playa Manhattan

    As long as we’re talking sports and odds, the most lopsided sports betting in history is taking place right now on Connor MacGregor.

    1. Slammer

      Something weird is gonna happen

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Like introducing a new species into an eco-system weird?

    2. Lachowsky

      if conner wins, Vegas is gonna have to reprogram their slots to make up for their losses.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        It will put MGM Sports and Westgate Sports out of business, as it stands now.

        Now that the line has been pushed down, people are going to go heavy for Mayweather right up until the fight.

        Consider this: initial estimates had MacGregor at somewhere between 50-100 to 1. Wanna bet on him? The best you’re going to do is 5 to 1. The house ALWAYS wins.

    3. robc

      more tham leicester city to win the epl?

      1. Playa Manhattan

        I said sports. I have no idea what those things are.

    1. straffinrun

      I’m a […………..] and I think [………….] and you’re a […………], so you can’t understand [………..]. ┣▇▇▇═─(ツ)

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Mad ribs?

    2. Gustave Lytton

      Pineapple on pizza? Count SP out.

  23. hayeksplosives

    Sports Illustrated went out on a limb and put OSU (that’s Oklahoma State University) in the playoffs. Not sure if trolling….

    I do enjoy some Mason Rudolph. Hope he drafts well next year.

  24. Heroic Mulatto

    Remember Glibs…

    1. John Titor

      FUCK YOU SONIC My profile pic is a dumb metajoke that only I get…and Vhyrus, for some weird reason.

    2. thrakkorzog

      So what about us folks that take our names from western animation, like myself and Rick C-137?

    1. John Titor

      One of my former home towns had a hilarious incident where some drunk basic bitch from Queen’s University thought it was a smart idea to punch a horse. Good job there.

      1. CPRM

        Police brutality! I don’t think that was a good kick, should have been investigated.

  25. straffinrun

    Hey, you’re back up and running. Reason’s site was down at the same time. *Takes chunk off foil cap, starts chewing*

  26. AlmightyJB

    Since the Buckeyes are not in your top 25, I’m assuming those ranking are not for football.