ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ GREW BORED OF BATTING “DEAR PRUDENCE” AROUND LIKE A BRUTAL IN THE MIDDLE OF A PACK OF EXTERMINATORS. THEREFORE, ZARDOZ HAS CHOSEN A NEW ADVICE ADVERSARY, “ASK AMY“. OF COURSE, ZARDOZ PROVIDES THE BETTER ADVICE, THAT THE CHOSEN ONES SHOULD FOLLOW. CHOSEN ONES, SEE FOR YOURSELVES.
Q: My husband and I are getting divorced as a result of his longtime physical and emotional love affair with someone else, coupled with other random physical/sexual encounters throughout our marriage. We have a close-knit circle of friends who will be surprised that we’re splitting up. Without bad-mouthing my husband, when asked I would like to speak “my truth” about our divorce to our friends, especially the wives with whom I am very close. I definitely have not been the perfect wife; for instance, we have three kids (ages 13, 15, 17), and I didn’t always prioritize my husband and our relationship over the children. By the same token, I have never cheated on him, physically or emotionally, and I never would. Is it OK to speak frankly, but in a factual and nonjudgmental way, about what happened? Or do I owe my husband some sort of privacy or respect and therefore must speak vague platitudes, such as “We grew apart” or “We wanted different things”?
— What May I Say?
A: YOU HAVE ALREADY FAILED ZARDOZ! YOU HAVE MADE NEW LIFE TO POISON THE EARTH WITH A PLAGUE OF MEN. YOU MUST EXPLAIN TO YOUR BRUTAL FRIENDS THAT YOU WILL NOT GO TO SECOND LEVEL MEDITATION WITH THEM, AND THEN GO AND USE THE GIFT OF THE GUN TO SHOOT DEATH AT YOUR “HUSBAND”. GO FORTH AND KILL! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: Like “Nonhugger,” I don’t like to hug a lot of people. My wife tells me I have to do it, or others will feel slighted. My daughter-in-law has accepted that I say, “Let’s have the awkward hug,” when I welcome her. She has started to laugh about it as just part of our relationship. My oldest son makes a joke out of it as he embraces me in a man-hug. My other sons know the drill, but don’t doubt my love for them.
— Not a Hugger
A: BRUTAL, YOU TOO HAVE FAILED ZARDOZ! YOU MUST NOT TOUCH THE OTHER BRUTALS – YOU HAVE ALREADY FAILED, SINCE YOU HAVE “SONS”. YOU MUST PUT YOURSELF IN THE MINDSET OF THE EXTERMINATOR ZED – “I love to see them running. I love the moments of their deaths – when I am one with Zardoz.” AND YOU MUST CLEANSE YOUR FAMILY, ALL OF THEM! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: I am a young woman on staff at a small nonprofit organization focused on elementary school children. Our executive director, a much older man, is very nice and well-intentioned but continues to make inappropriate clothing choices for his body type. He is single and lives alone, so he has no one at home to tell him that his shirts are much too small and that the bottom of his rotund belly is constantly exposed. This makes everyone on our board and staff visibly uncomfortable. Our staff has discussed the issue, and one colleague informed him that he needs to be wearing different shirts around our young visitors. Unfortunately, the advice did not stick, and he has returned to wearing the same old ill-fitting shirts around town and to work events. I feel my approaching him would embarrass him more than if one of my older or perhaps male colleagues took him aside. Is there a good way for one of us to gently suggest he go shopping for clothing that fits?
— Don’t Look Down
A: YOU HAVE BEEN RAISED UP FROM BRUTALITY, TO KILL BRUTALS SUCH AS THIS POT BELLIED BRUTAL. TO THIS END, ZARDOZ YOUR GOD GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE GUN. THE GUN IS GOOD! YOU MUST POINT A WEBLEY-FOSBERY REVOLVER AT THE FAT BRUTAL, AND CLEANSE HIM, IF HIS ATTIRE IS INAPPROPRIATE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Comments
221 responses to “ZARDOZ ANSWERS “ASK AMY””
From letter one ” I definitely have not been the perfect wife; for instance, we have three kids (ages 13, 15, 17), and I didn’t always prioritize my husband and our relationship over the children.”. In other words, I wasn’t always the perfect wife because I was too busy being the perfect mother. Gag.
Common mistake.
“Gag.”
I think you misunderstood. I believe that was the problem
Whenever I see wives of my generation pop out a kid and turn into professional mothers, I pretty much can guarantee that there’s either a divorce or serial infidelity no more than five years away. I haven’t been wrong yet. All that shit comes from this weird insecurity thing where chicks want to be seen as the mother of the century, like the expert in motherhood, and it always blows up in their faces. It’s not that hard to raise kids, and they don’t want you in their grill all the time. They’re better off when they understand that they are not the exclusive priority in your life. In fact, the relationship between their parents is their model for their own romantic relationships. If they see two people who love each other and prioritize each other, they’ll be more likely to form healthy relationships themselves. If they see two roommates, one of whom obsesses over them, they’ll grow up and look for a devotee, not a relationship, and then wonder why they’re unhappy.
Women competing with women is the white people of patriarchy.
Holy shit, that’s,…….awesome.
I…I think that’s true.
Needs more cleansing.
Always.
“one colleague informed him that he needs to be wearing different shirts around our young visitors”
What? Is an exposed gut now sexual predation?
and why is this young person such a prude, all bodies are beautiful works of art. It’s like she didn’t even watch girls.
I mean, if it’s a big enough gut you shouldn’t be able to see his genitals even if he were naked amirite?
Like this guy
Beer belly shaming is the new racism.
Beer bellies are the white people of bellies.
I…uh…hmmm. Correct.
Is an exposed gut now sexual predation?
If you’re a man. If not, any commentary whatsoever about what you choose to put on display is wildly inappropriate.
Perv at the park NSFLunch
No, it’s just gross.
i don’t understand the hugging one. Was he asking for advice or just making a statement of solidarity?
I think he was trying to admit that he wants to naked-hug his daughter-in-law.
*rereads question*
*blinks rapidly for a moment*
*rereads MikeS*
*fishes out collected works of Sigmund Freud*
*nods appreciatively*
Sometimes an awkward hug is just an awkward hug.
Other times its the raging boner that makes it awkward.
^THIS^
A question for the.brutals. I was discussing gun control with someone and one of my points was that in most of these shootings, excluding this one, that someone with a semi auto or even a pump shotgun could have done more damage with only minimal practice feeding shells while shooting. I wonder how many of you might agree with this?
I got this one: THERE IS NO DISCUSSION ABOUT THE GUN ONLY EXTERMINATION BY THE GUN
*automatic rounds of applause*
If you watch someone with a semi-automatic rifle, who has done a modest amount of serious practice, a mag change is a couple of seconds, tops. Once you’ve run thru’ 3 or 4 mags and your next mag has to come from a backpack, you’re gonna slow down, but if you’re thoughtful and prepared, it’s not hard to have 8-10 mags on hand. Now, under stress, all that efficiency can be destroyed, but you’re talking about upwards of 200 rounds being available assuming you have “grown-up-people” mags.
Guns reliability and ergonomics were (not so much now) on the leading edge of industrial design for about a century, and often, their form and function is highly optimized for rapid and fault-free reloading. Most firearm failures are operator error, because it’s the humans who are the weak link in the chain.
These shooters may or may not practice weapon-handling-technique much, but the reality when they are out there killing rarely matches up to what I presume was the movie they had been playing in their head for weeks and weeks beforehand.
The result, for what it’s worth, is that no matter how bad these shootings end up being, the outcomes could be far worse if the perp was not only rehearsed in murder, but experienced/trained in doing murder before. It’s one of the reasons I hope we never see one of these much-anticipated “rogue former Navy SEAL” events (no disrespect to other military arms, of course).
The prospect of someone who is well trained, experienced and motivated undertaking such an attack is truly chilling.
With an AR, mag changes take maybe a second, particularly in the case of a mass shooter since he’s not going to be concerned about securing his empty mags. Drop the empty, slam home a fresh one, bang.
I’ve never shot an AK but I believe that you have to chamber a round after a mag change. Bolt doesn’t lock open after emptying. I could be wrong on that.
Nope, you’re right.
The effect of the weapons used in a mass killing are nearly irrelevant, compared to the effect of good target selection. This particular turd’s target selection was about as good as it gets.
We kinda did in Dallas when the 5 popo were shot.
Ex military guy knew to shoot and move, shoot and move.
He killed five “trained ” cops with a hand gun.
Of course the NFL denied the Dallas Cowboys request to wear a helmet decal to memorialize them, but supports Kapernick with his Che t-shirt.
ZARDOZ YOUR GOD GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE GUN. THE GUN IS GOOD! YOU MUST CLEANSE BRUTALS WITH THE GUN!
I agree with this. Despite having scopes on those rifles, he wasn’t aiming, he was just randomly spraying into the crowd. Which of course was deadly, but if he had any training he could have concealed himself better, and then picked people off one at a time, and probably killed more. At first, given his age, I thought he was a Vietnam vet. Thankfully he wasn’t.
I think it would depend on the circumstances, but I tend to agree. Full auto is going to be much less accurate because of muzzle rise, and you’re going to hit the same targets several times just because of the speed. Semi-auto or pump, even unaimed, is going to be more accurate and more efficient. I think at worst it’s going to be a push, at best it’s going be much worse with semi.
Although multiple hits on the same target will increase lethality.
Talking about a situation like the movie theater shooting where the person is close proximity to victims and with a shotgun and a couple fanny packs full of shells as opposed to pistols or black scary guns.
I think I shoulda been clearer in my initial question post.
Reloading a pump might be a bit time consuming for someone under stress, in a dark movie theater.
I’m not very shotgun-experienced, but fumbling around with a handful of shells and getting them loaded is going to leave the perp at a disadvantage if someone gets the jump on him, and if you can’t get closed up and chambered when someone gets close and confronts you, what you have is only a wood/plastic and metal club.
Worst-worst case in an enclosed space would be a competent but crazy IDPA competitor with pockets full of high capacity mags loaded with defensive ammo, and a good reliable handgun (without suppressor).
We use handguns because people look at you funny carrying a rifle down the street. Other than that, they are inferior to rifles in just about any characteristic you care to name.
The dickhead who thought he was Batman—and just kill this fucking guy already, Colorado—was betrayed by his shitty mags and his even shittier weapon handling. Otherwise, rifle trumps shotgun, for ease of reloading if not terminal effects per hit, and both trump handgun. Most people shot with handguns live. In fact, the vast majority do, unless you hit them in the head, or they catch a very unlucky hit and bleed out well away from a trauma center. (Or they’re stuck at the site of a mass shooting while the police and EMS fumblefuck around trying to secure the area)
Even then, IIRC, it’s less than half the people that catch a handgun round to the head who end up dying.
It’s different for rifles. Or shotguns throwing buck. There are innumerable photos and cross sections of shot ballistic gel blocks to show this. Handguns drill through a person, on the order of their caliber wide. Double the width of the hole if a hollow point. That’s it. Shotgun buck wounds are similar, but there are a LOT more holes if the guy catches the whole pattern, and the holes are fairly close together.
Rifle bullets can destroy much wider blocks of tissue when they fragment and or tumble. Think baseball to softball sized wounds. The more flesh fragmented and torn, the faster exsanguination occurs and shock hits, and the faster the target loses consciousness and dies.
No disagreeing with your post but there are some u tube videos of new shotguns with high capacity and drum style clips that ate reminiscent of the old street sweepers.
I don’t understand the question. Is it that he would have killed more people if he slowed down and aimed? If that’s the question, then I disagree.
From his position, and however accurate the ruler function is in Google Earth, the horizontal distance to his targets varied from 330 yds to 520 ish. That’s far for aimed fire with a rifle, IMHO. Cue servicemen talking now about how they used to shoot 600 m in training with iron sights, etc…
Anyway, throw in that he’s shooting at an angle, and whatever wind was present, and that bullet drop is going to change point of impact between those two distances, that’s it’s not very well lit (despite the house lights), that people are going to be running after the second burst or so, and, again IMHO, it’s more likely he’s going to miss whoever he intentionally aims at. So, he uses volley fire/rapid fire to beat an area with lead and judge where the bullets are hitting by how the bodies are falling. Since he doesn’t have tracers, nor a spotter. He’s probably not going to be able to see the rounds hit, nor, after the first burst nukes his hearing, he’s not going to be able to hear the bullets hit their targets. (Which, at least IME, you can for centerfire rifle cartridges striking (deer) flesh out to about 350. Sounds kinda like Rocky hitting those side of beef crossed with punching a feather pillow.)
If volley fire, then his effectiveness directly correlates to how dense he can make his pattern within the beaten area, and that depends on how fast can he put lead in that area, without shooting so widely that he misses the area entirely. Or overheats the gun which can cause any sort of malfunctions.
As soon as the area clears out, he’s not going to be hitting many people, and perhaps more importantly, he’s not going to be seeing that he’s hitting people. The positive reinforcement from his violence won’t be there anymore. He’s just going to be making a ton of noise—incidentally that’s probably why there isn’t much brass in the room: he was sticking the muzzle out the window as far as he could to get the concussion from the brake away from his ringing ears, as well as trying to cut the smoke down—and not seeing people fall. He’s not going to be able to see them hurt, and seeing people hurt was, I suspect, one of the factors inducing fuckstick to do this in the first place.
So, for this purpose, unaimed rapid fire was probably better. Still doesn’t justify banning things.
“I would like to speak “my truth” about our divorce to our friends”
There is no “your truth” or “his truth” or any other of this postmodern relativistic bullshit. There is truth and there is not truth. It’s Boolean.
Heh, been around divorcing couples much?
The tedium makes me want to cleanse them Zardoz style.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONE.
DO IT! GO FORTH AND KILL.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Ummm
*consults legal staff*
We’d like to take this opportunity to acknowledge that ZARDOZ’s advice should be taken as highly-stylized parable, and not as an actionable incitement to generic violence.
I’ll just make sure to skip my Valium today.
Q, I saw you were interested in buying a silencer. I bought mine Tuesday from the silencer shop. They have been very helpful. One bit of advice is when looking for a transferer, look for the finger print icon. You can do all the background check bullshit at the shop.
Cool, thanks for the info. I’ll check it out.
https://www.silencershop.com
Silencer Shop is awesome. I just started the process on two new cans myself.
Too late!
*stuffs pistol down front of pants*
*runs into the night*
Just don’t blow your dick off!
What kind of thug would I be if I don’t sport an upper thigh wound from shooting my dumb ass with an unholstered pistol stuffed in my pants?
+1 Plaxico
Well that’s fine, obviously. Just don’t blow your dick off.
“don’t blow your dick”
That is hopefully not what she said.
It might be difficult to secure personal jurisdiction over a futuristic, floating stone head that vomits guns.
But, pays to be prudent. So, no cleansing, plz.
You’re no fun.
*Wipes tear away, shakes fist in gesture of solidarity…..then googles Boolean
I had a friend make a zine for an 8th grade media class about Boolean logic. We were really cool.
No good can possibly come of discussing that with other people.
There’s three sides to every story; yours, mine, and the truth.
*stares*
Ambassador Kosh?
Do you even ऋग्वेद, bro?
Get woke to the parable of blind men and an elephant.
Personalized truth is actually this thing we call perspective, and sometimes opinion. Logically, two conflicting things cannot both be true, so if you’re talking about multiple “truths” what you’re really talking about is differing perspectives of the same truth. That means “your truth” is really just your necessarily less accurate understanding of *the* truth.
Also known as “spin”.
And “self delusion”.
Back in the old days, it used to be called “telling my side of the story.” The fact that she said it the way she said it is indicative that she’s been spending too much time around SJWs and MUST BE CLEANSED! I think ZARDOZ gave instructions to the wrong brutal…
Someone needs to go watch Rashomon again. Or, what Scruffy said.
I wonder when the wife in the divorcing letter cut her husband off? A year or two after the last kid?
nothing about axe body spray.
I hear that stuff really helps you with the ladies.
it also helps with annoying coworkers!
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Axe Body Spray. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of deodorant most of the smell will go unnoticed by your potential mate. There’s also the mate’s overall sense of smell, which is deftly woven into her characterization – her personal philosophy draws heavily from shitty advertising campaigns, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of the odor, to realize that it’s not just a stench- it’s saying something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Axe Body Spray truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humor in the Body Spray’s existential catchphrase “THE AXE EFFECT” which itself is a cryptic reference to Lizzy Borden. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as the Axe Body Spray’s genius unfolds itself in their armpits. What fools… how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have a AXE EFFECT tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.
*takes a single step away from Q*
I been holding my breath for so long, my lips are blue.
Dear Zardoz,
My friends and I are planning an invasion of the 3rd planet in the Omicron system. It is a rocky world that will make it impossible for our enforcers to traverse. Are you available next Tuesday? And what lift rating is required for the assault shuttle?
Dear Zardoz,
A friend has been homesteading a deathworld in the Omicron system for many cycles wherein an uneasy relationship has been established with the local greenskins based upon free trade and a mutual need to fightback local flora/fauna and xeno incursion. Again, asking for a friend, is outworld lizard as delicious as termagant when roasted or must they be boiled like the common tyranid?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN LIZARD EATING ONE.
ZARDOZ SUGGESTS EATING EVERYTHING WITH ODD GREEN BREAD, MADE FROM SLAVE GROWN GRAIN.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN XENO ONE.
ZARDOZ SERVES THE TABERNACLE AND THE VORTEX…AND IS UNFORTUNATELY TIED UP FOR THE ETERNITY THEY ENDURE.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Oh bravo there. “If being a good mother is a sin, I am guilty as charged”.
im guessing the problem is that you’re terrible in bed.
The red button is somewhat on topic.
i don’t even understand that. I assume the last frame is, “the husband is now dead because of a heart attack”
The last frame is just that she didn’t realize the slight until years later. The red button makes it on topic.
The slight is that she is a mammal?
Mr. Lizard?
Q and Swiss got it.
I’ve never claimed to be a smart man!
*runs out, sobs in stairwell*
She’s upset because after 30 years, her husband is still spending his free time in his basement “laboratory” trying to mate a mouse with a whale?
Lol
oh, “you don’t make my heart race, ergo i will live longer with your boring ass”
maybe that would have made more sense if he were in the last frame, and looked strapping and healthy compared to her.
The red button indicates he was sleeping around the whole time.
?? i have no idea what you’re talking about. there’s a red button?….
oh. so you click on the button, and it ‘explains what the comic-strip illustrated poorly’.
what a great idea.
She didn’t make his heart race because they lived a long life.
Dammit!
She does not make his heart race….so he knows with her he will live longer.
I read it differently. She did make his heart race, so he knew he’d be long dead before she got ugly and mean.
OK. We need an entire post about this.
yeah, this is pretty much what i got from the last frame as well. His absence suggested he was already dead.
But he says he knows he will have “so many wonderful years” with her.
No he starts out “With you…”
The he says “I’ll”, not We’ll.
He checked out early.
Clearly the way to know is if we could hear how she said the “heyyyy” in the last frame. If she says it in an offended tone, he’s alive. If she says it like Fonzie, he’s dead.
It’s SMBC. All dialogue should be read as heavily sarcastic in tone unless clear contextual dictates otherwise. He’s dead.
He’s alive. In the bonus panel she references their constant infidelities in the present tense not the past tense, thus he;s alive just not at home, presumably he’s out knocking summtin’ summtin’ down IYKWIMAITTYD.
This comic confuses and angers me!
I’m guessing living with a martyr gets old.
But she died for your sins!
And she’ll never let you forget it…
“You know what I’m going to get you next Christmas, mom?”
OT: Why is the NYPost printing this mendacious garbage? Contractual obligation?
Most hurricane scientists (as opposed to climatologists), like Chris Landsea (one of the head forecasters at the NHC), Phil Klotzbach (research at Colorado State University) and Ryan Maue (formerly of Weatherbell.com), none of whom are “climate denialists” (to use the left’s own term), are of the belief that there’s no connection between hurricanes and global warming.
If there is a connection, it’s less than 5 MPH a storm, or so I’ve read, and there’s no connection with the number of storms.
Warm water is one part of what makes a hurricane, but it doesn’t matter on its own. The difference between the temperatures of the water and the surface (and in the stratosphere) is what really matters.
The global warming cult never allows evidence to impinge on their sincerely held religion beliefs. They hysterical allegation that those who publicly doubt their wild, unhinged claims are ‘science deniers’ is really an exercise in projection.
Exactly – it’s not the temperature of the water per se, but the temperature gradient between the water and the air that drives the storm due to energy transfer. Warmer air and water would not create stronger storms. As the storm spins over the warm water and gains energy, the water it spins over cools as thermal energy is transferred to the storm.
BAKE.
THAT.
CAKE.
Tonio scooped you hard yesterday, good sir.
please explain to me how to get the “#comment-292730” part again. Because every now and then i try looking and then give up because its not just ‘right click it’.
I’m not sure how you would. I jump in to the edit comment section and it’s noted at the top of the comment edit box.
“” I jump in to the edit comment section””
I don’t think i have one of those.
I can rightclick “inspect element”, and after some snooping can discover your comment above is (i think) #294143. but that’s sort of a pain, and sometimes gets it wrong.
test
Yeah, most don’t have edit access. You’re correct on my comment number (both from clicking through and checking edit)
Tonio scooped me hard once. It was divine.
The tweeter. Would.
I only wish people would take the proper lesson from this (that business owners can allow or not allow whatever they see fit in their own establishment) rather than the easy lesson (let’s use the state to force even more people to do things they don’t want to do!)
The problem is that the proper lesson requires admitting that Lester Maddox was right. Or, at least, within his rights.
Even a stopped asshole is right twice a day.
Wait, maybe I got that one wrong.
OT: The official dessert of Glibertarians.com
https://cooktobang.com/2016/04/11/gift-to-bang-2-%e2%80%93-kiss-my-peanut-butter-titties/
*preheats oven*
:: Mrs. Tundra sighs in exasperation ::
Sure for cookies you will take the time to preheat the oven. But for me?
You should see the ones I make for her.
*rises to begin prolonged ovation*
After a minute, pinch the tips and push down softly until you get your desire areola look.
*makes 8 batches*
Nice euphemism?
Thin the dough out a little bit and leave the batter lumpy for a nice, aged look.
Shape the sag, as well. Bonus points for realism.
“proofed in a gravity box”
One should be slightly bigger than the other. Realism, yo!
I need some music for wasting a day on the phone dealing with some fucking OD theft bullshit.
Thoughts?
SOUNDTRACK FROM ZARDOZ!
Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever. Upbeat but not aggressive.
Very nice. Thank you.
……..YOU’VE RUINED MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS COOKIE
Ruined?
Listen, I know I swing that way but body part-shaped food grosses me out. I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MY PSYCHOSES TO YOU SHITLORDS /triggered
*stops preparing care package for MLW*
Not a fan of certain scenes in Death to Smoochy then?
Slightly on topic, I brought back a bag of pasta cazzetti for some lady friends when I went to Rome in college. I didn’t realize that the black ones were dyed that way with squid ink and so for the vegans in the group there was a party of selectively removing all the black dick from the bag of pasta. I don’t recall if it got cooked up separately and someone had a steaming bowl of black cock pasta, but I certainly hope that happened.
Did you pair this with the black dick pasta?
So fucking racist….I can’t even.
Easy, sister. Here, have a Valium…
*consults legal staff*
We’d like to take this opportunity to acknowledge that Florida Man’s advice on psychoactive chemicals is both broad and deep, but also reckless. Glibertarians takes no responsibility for face eating or other acts of violence (cannibalistic or otherwise) should you choose to follow it.
::puts away box of sample-size bath salts::
So is Vhyrus okay? I haven’t seen him around much this week.
He’s on a shrimp boat off the west coast of Florida yelling at Nate to go west.
With Lt. Dan strapped to a chair?
How dare you assume he ISN’T Lt. Dan. Ableist shitlord.
Yeah, I’ve seen him on the discord. Went back to Florida to start the clean up.
Thanks.
It’s almost odd how we all care for people we’ve never met on here. I like that.
I love you man.
The one I’ve been worried about is Riven. I know OMWC said she’d checked in and she and Mr. Riven were okay, but I haven’t seen her post since the night before the shooting 🙁
She will be touched (in her bikini zone, most likely) that you’re worried about her, but she’s been busily enjoying the hedonism of Vegas and is definitely completely safe and sound and a little drunk already.
Good to hear!
Curse your speedy fingers!
They are currently enjoying honeymoon – they are fine. More than fine, actually.
Pics?
You and me both, brother.
Um, Swiss, I think Tundra (and the rest of us) wanted pics of Riven on her honeymoon.
Not pics of you and Tundra. And please don’t think that our reluctance is in any way passing judgement on you.
We’re both quite striking, Holiness. I think you should take a chance.
*looks at Tundra & Swiss*
*shrugs*
I’m in.
*Mike wanders in
Hey! What’s up fellas?
Tundra, now that we’ve met IRL, I can verify that you are a striking man. But Swissy is from Chicago. I spend a lot of time in Chicago and frankly, most of them are disgusting.
I tried not to single Swissy out because I didn’t want to trigger his inferiority complex. Let him think that he is on the same level as our Minnesoda awesomeness.
Tundra, please keep the NAP in mind and stop striking people.
*Deals out Tarot cards for. Flips over the cat-butt card
I see bad things in your future, Jimbo
*Edit Faerie Blesses You*
Swiss is a good looking dude, but for some reason, he gets his hair cut at the dog groomer.
I guess that’s better than some retard at Supercuts.
Mine came with a free bowl of soup, white loafers, and a plaid jacket for potential job interviews.
That’s a waste of a perfectly good jacket since none of us work.
I thought Rufus had a job.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZtxBZ9D5sI
Mike, as long as they are Faro cards, I’m OK with my chances. If they had been Tarot cards, I would have run for the hills.
*YOU’VE BEEN EDIT FAIRYIZED!*
Well shit. I completely fucked that up.
Don’t sweat it Mike. You are a NoDak. No one expects you to be able to keep up with big city technologies like Tarot cards.
If we ever have any questions about using animal pelts as a means of monetary value, we’ll come get you.
Actually that is a pretty good John typo
*EDIT FAERIE SEZ “NOT NO MORES!”
Aw! Thank you so much for your concern, MLW. Both Jesse and Swiss are correct–Ive mostly been preoccupied with honeymooning and bikini zones (not all of which have been my own). 😉
We’re currently enjoying some pre breakfast mimosas before we venture to the strip for lunch. Then… Freemont street!
Keep having fun!! Glad you guys are doing well!
The best. I want a mimosa now.
Make sure you hydrate and have fun.
“bikini zones (not all of which have been my own)”
Pics? Um Asking for some friends.
TIWTANLW
Glad to hear you’re o.k. and having fun.
That is wonderful to hear. I’m glad you both are uninjured.
Try Lotus of Siam if you like Thai food. Don’t let the seedy strip mall location fool you.
Ah, Freemont Street. Classic Vegas where you can still call the broads there, broads.
Going for a run. The Long Beach Marathon is this weekend. The beach paths are already clogged with runners. Think I’ll head North towards Signal Hill. In fact, yeah to the top of Signal Hill!
So long as you’re there, can you stop at Mazdatrix and pick up a case of Idemitsu 20W-50 for me?
Check Turner’s and see if there’s a long line.
Speaking of the gunz, I keep seeing this “9-10 rounds per second” number for the LV psycho’s bumpfire apparatus.
This seems… improbable. Am I wrong?
Doesn’t sound right compared to what I heard on the videos.
Assuming a 30 round magazine emptied in 5 seconds you would get 6 rounds per second. This would get you the extrapolated “hundreds of rounds per minute” that the press keeps repeating without the appropriate context and caveats.
However, some of the youtube videos I have seen on the slide stock might be close to that 9-10 rounds per second.
But does it ‘spray’ the bullets. This seems to be the important question.
He had 100 rd mags, I thought. And many of them actually worked right, unfortunately. The cracks in various audio sounded like he was hitting 600 rpm-ish cyclic at certain points.
I trust your judgement. I could only watch one video (a video that provided audio of the first shots fired). My initial impression was “that was 30 rounds, then a pause for another magazine”. But I am far, far from an expert in the matter.
Me neither. I’m just going by the leaked crime scene photos that show he had a mini brick wall of 100 rd mags near the window. And a video where he ripped off a 90 rd or so burst, though it was hard to tell as the muzzle blasts were coming in the middle of his burst. Most of his shots sounded, again with poor audio, in the 15-20 shot range.
Still surprised they didn’t find a gat crank-modified rifle. I guess the bump stock lent a periodic instability to the rate of fire.
Those are jerry numbers. I assume 5 or 6 could be done with bump.
5 peak. Not even close to that on average.
I haven’t played with bumpfire stocks, but that doesn’t sound like too crazy of a firing rate. The cyclic rate of the gun’s action is definitely not holding it back, assuming an AR15-pattern rifle. So the biggest limiting factor is likely how quickly the rifle is ‘bumping’ forward into the trigger finger during recoil.
I need some music for wasting a day on the phone dealing with some fucking OD theft bullshit.
Thoughts?
I’ve never heard of this guy, but the the song might be appropriate. I’m liking it. I’ll have to listen to him some more.
Does anyone here work?
work was over like 5 hour ago
Define “work.”
Seconded.
Not much this week.
Never.
Hey, here’s a fun fact – Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance received ten grand in political donations from Weinstein’s lawyer David Boies (remember him from the 2000 recount?) after Vance decided not to pursue charges against Weinstein.
Of course, Cy is an equal-opportunity grifter – he ran the same deal with the Trumps, getting $25K in return for declining to prosecute Ivanka and Don Jr for fraud.
Boies was also the lead lawyer for SCO v IBM.
Scumbag.
Lead may not be the right term. His was the first name of the firm and he did PR, but he never represented SCO in court.
Once a senior partner recognizes a case is a fucking turkey and that he’s going to look stupid presenting it to a judge (or jury), often he tosses that hot potato onto the lowest appropriate level on the totem pole: eg a new associate or junior partner as appropriate They’ll keep taking the client’s money, of course. But they’ll make sure their face isn’t associated with the argument that has everyone laughing at the stupidity of it.
Seems like he got lowballed by both. What an amateur. He should go to the Clintons’ seminar.
Not on Friday afternoon.
Not on Fridays
Not much this Friday.
However, some of the youtube videos I have seen on the slide stock might be close to that 9-10 rounds per second.
Huh. How much tuning and fettling of the action would be required to achieve that consistently, without jams?
The action will be fine (the components in this rifle would probably run 650-750 RPM if it had a FA trigger group). Bump firing takes a little time to learn and be consistent with, but that brand of stock makes it far easier.
The magazines that guy used are notorious for causing failures to feed and doublefeeds, but…under combat conditions. Still, I think I remember some investigation spokesperson saying a few of the 12 rifles were jammed.
Doubt he lubed the weapons either as much AIU they like to be run, when shooting that many times at once. Then again, it’s not like he didn’t have a spare gun or twenty.
He definitely min-maxed to handle the heat issue and failures.
TW25B is a must if you want the slide fire to work effectively.
tuning and fettling
I fucking love it when you talk dirty, old man.
Aw, shucks.
*blushes*