ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ CONTINUES TO IDENTIFY ADVICE GIVING BRUTALS, “DEAR ABBY” IN THIS CASE, AND PROVIDE BETTER ADVICE THAN THEM. SURELY THE CHOSEN ONES WILL SEE THE TRUTH OF THIS – SEE “DEAR ABBY” HERE…AND HERE. ZARDOZ’S BETTER ADVICE IS GIVEN TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. GO FORTH AND READ. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: DEAR ABBY: My son and I are very close. He joined the Marine Corps (a decision I fully support) and shipped out recently. I had read on a Marine family site that frequent letters from home are encouraged, so I had letters written even before I got his mailing address. I sent off three letters the day I got his address and another one three days later. They always start off with a supportive declaration (“I’m proud of you. You can do this.”) before moving on to what I hope are amusing anecdotes about what’s going on at home. I avoid topics that would make him homesick. I sign the letter with the initials of my son’s nickname for me. Last night, another family member told me I’m writing too often (that person has written one letter so far, and plans to wait at least a week before sending another). That family member said that the drill instructors and other recruits will notice and label my son a “mama’s boy.” This has caused me significant distress.
Please tell me which is right: the website that recommends frequent letters, or my family member who advocates cutting back drastically? — MOM OF A MARINE
A: ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, MOTHER OF THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATOR. YOUR SON WAS RAISED UP FROM BRUTALITY, TO KILL THE BRUTALS WHO MULTIPLY AND ARE LEGION. TO THIS END, ZARDOZ GAVE HIM THE GIFT OF THE GUN. THE GUN IS GOOD! YOU MUST NOT DISTRACT HIM FROM LEARNING TO CLEANSE BRUTALS. WRITE LESS OFTEN YOU HELICOPTER BRUTAL PARENT. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: DEAR ABBY: In view of all the recent tragic events, you would do a great service to remind everyone to be careful when donating. A lot of the money that was donated for 9/11 and other tragedies never got to the victims. Unfortunately, when tragedies occur, scammers view them as an opportunity to line their pockets. I’m not sure how to make sure the money gets to the right people, so I haven’t donated at all. Can you help with some information on this? — DIANA IN TEXAS
A: ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, CHARITY GIVING ONE. YOU MUST GIVE DIRECTLY TO THE VORTEX! THE VORTEX PRESERVES THE ETERNALS. IF YOU ARE GIVING CHARITY TO YOUR FELLOW BRUTALS, YOU SHALL BE ENSLAVED TO GROW GRAIN FOR THE VORTEX. THE TABERNACLE IS DISPATCHING BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO YOUR LOCATION. REMAIN THERE! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: DEAR ABBY: My 62-year-old father has recently started to streak his hair with fluorescent colors. He does it when he goes to his job and coordinates his hair color with his outfits. As far as I know, his employer has not said anything as of yet. Also, Dad has difficulty with social cues. My mother and I aren’t happy with his “fashion” choices and we plead with him to stop doing this. It’s embarrassing because it looks stupid and ridiculous. He claims he doesn’t care what others think and that he has flair. Are my mother and I wrong to criticize his “flair”? Isn’t this behavior really inappropriate for a man his age? How can we convince him that he’s making a fool of himself and should stop? Your help is appreciated. — NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL
A: ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS FOOLISH ONE. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE ETERNALS VOTED AGAINST YOUR FATHER – AND HE HAS BEEN AGED BY THEIR POWERS, TO THE POINT OF SENILITY. THIS HAPPENED TO THE ETERNALS GEORGE SADEN AND FRIEND. LET THEIR EXAMPLES BE A WARNING TO YOU – DO NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF THE ETERNALS, LEST YOU BE NEXT! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Comments
284 responses to “ZARDOZ ANSWERS “DEAR ABBY””
Dear Zardoz,
I have this friend, let’s call him Untastable, who always misses the punchline. Is there a cure? Is it possibly more salt?
Love,
Brutal Bacon Magic
I don’t get it.
Dear Zardoz,
I have this other friend, let’s call him MattF, who is constantly flipping me and others off. Is this anti-social or just a cry for a hug?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS MYSTICAL CURED MEAT CHOSEN ONE. HAVE THE TWO “FRIENDS” STAND BY….BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS WILL BE SENT TO COLLECT THEM…THAT THEY
MAYWILL LABOR IN THE GRAIN FIELDS OF THE VORTEX. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.*bows*
Some Dear Abby music
*hugs*
Thanks, Pal. Nothing better than a bacon hug
*thumbs up*
Funny how one different digit can be so positive.
*raises middle finger
I’m #1!
I’m #1!
Woo hoo!
Hey bacon-magic. Apparently no one is watching. I think this is the time to start Operation: This Is Our Place Now
WEGONNARUNDISBITCH™
*war whoops and throws imaginary hat in air*
I’m going to order a real blue top hat with stars, that sucker is dope af.
That would be hella cool
So a Bacon-Mooninite alliance, eh? Time to summon the ATHF!
Dear Zardoz,
I was deeply offended by Al Michael’s Sunday Night Football reference to Harvey Weinstein, for reasons that I do not understand. At first I thought it was funny, but then I was reminded that that wasn’t funny for ‘reasons’. No one has ever expanded on what those ‘reasons’ are, but I want to be thought of as a good person so I am now offended. How can I preemptively virtue signal next time to ensure that I am offended at some innocuous act before being offended at that act becomes ‘cool’?
Sincerely,
That’s Not Ok, Because of ‘Reasons’
Wait…Al Michaels is still alive?!
Yes. He might be the only respectable NFL announcer the majority of viewers do not wish to see choke on the mic and die on live TV.
You do have a point there.
Signal your virtue to the tabernacle by CLEANSING the whiney brutals.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS NOT OK CHOSEN ONE. THE BRUTAL CAPUT LUPINUM IS CORRECT. YOU SHOULD PREEMPTIVELY CLEANSE ANY BRUTALS THAT QUESTION YOUR LAUGHTER. WERE YOU NOT RAISED UP FROM BRUTALITY TO SNARK AT THE SJWS, WHO ARE LEGION? ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
*edit fairy helps all*
*summons hawt looking edit fairie by throwing bacon rasher in pan*
Correcting ZARDOZ? That’s a
paddlin’CLEANSING.Paddling the school canoe? You better believe that’s a ̶p̶a̶d̶d̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶ Cleansing.
You’ll note they offered up the hot edit faerie for Zardoz’ pleasure and no the drunk tranny edit faerie
So hawt.
The hottest thing about this fairy is that she is “sans shoes”.
*eDIt fAIrY sEz “i AIN’T GoT nO SHOEZ!”
wut
So, Florida man and Tarantino share a fetish, eh?
NTTAWWT
“Hey, what about me?”
/Rex Ryan
Heaven, you haz just shown it to me!
On a more serious note, why would a fairy need shoes? She can just fly where she needs. Walking is for plebs.
She could cut a heel landing on the hardscrabble.
For landing?
I don’t see any birds with shoes. Crap, now I’m going to get a bird-fairy hybrid pic, aren’t I?
It really depends on the fairy, and the literature you are referring to. A Disney Tinkerbell-esque fairy probably wouldn’t need shoes because their flight does not appear to be that much more difficult than walking, and they don’t have that big wings that preclude them from flying in most areas. Meanwhile, a Dresden Files type fairy is so powerful most things wouldn’t hurt their feet, but they’d wear shoes in case they stepped on something iron which would hurt quite a bit. On the other hand, a fairy along the lines of Springheel Jack doesn’t seem to have minimal supernatural ability and no flight, and would likely wear shoes to protect their feet while they jump from rooftop to rooftop looking for maidens to ravish (on a side note, I have a sudden desire to write a Springheel Jack/STEVE SMITH crossover.)
Hate to break it to you, but there’s no such thing as faries.
*ANGRY EDIT FAIRY SAYS…THEY MAY BE NO “FARIES”, BUT THERE ARE FAERIES!*
Dear ZARDOZ, do you have a cousin perhaps who distributes sexy seed repository’s,
https://www.google.com/search?q=raising+gazorpazorp+zardoz&client=firefox-b&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiqv_i9yvXWAhWIKiYKHUkCB1UQ_AUICygC&biw=1440&bih=801&dpr=1#imgrc=LpFMQCPgEIZQtM:
Just Akin’
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ELEMENTAL ONE. ZARDOZ EXISTS ACROSS MANY UNIVERSES…IT IS POSSIBLE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
“My 62-year-old father has recently started to streak his hair with fluorescent colors. He does it when he goes to his job and coordinates his hair color with his outfits.”
Has he been hanging out at Starbucks a lot?
I’m going with senility on this one, CLEANSE the old fool and be done with it.
I’m not exactly up to date on fashion by why would you solicit advice about hair styles from a woman that is wearing a cira 88 lesbian haircut?
I suspect that photo might be a wee bit old.
It’s still the same one on her FB page.
Ouch.
…yes?
Clinton Foundation Won’t Return $250,000 From Harvey Weinstein
Naturally, they can show that Weinstein’s money was put into a segregated fund which was spent entirely on those projects.
$100K – Chelsea’s Wedding
$100K – Bill’s STD treatment fund
$50K – Chardonnay
There you go. If you hadn’t bribed that poor young man to marry Chelsea and had the big wedding ceremony, Bill wouldn’t need those STD shots.
“$100K – Bill’s STD treatment fund”
He’s had the clap so many times it’s more like applause.
Hillary is in Puerto Rico right now saving poor brown children with that money. You monster!
Actually she is in the UK and trying to cover up the fact she kicked one of the help:
I was running down the stairs in heels with a cup of coffee in hand, I was talking over my shoulder and my heel caught and I fell backwards.
This makes no sense. How do you fall backwards when you are running down stairs? How do break a toe if you fall backwards?
But mostly, since when can Hillary navigate stairs without help?
I think that Hillary lies so much that she really doesn’t think out her lies too much. No one falls backwards when running down the stairs, ever. Also, she’s not running down any stairs. We’ve all seen her need help just to walk up a few small steps. She didn’t suddenly go from that to running down flights of stairs in heels. She was probably kicking the TV when Julian Assange was on.
To be fair, I have fallen on one set of stair in our house because they are super slippery and I’m wearing socks (my wife says I also have to mention I may have been drinking too).
My feet shot out from under me and I fell backwards, but I didn’t break a toe. I did bruise the shit out of the back of my arms and elbows though.
IOW, Weinstein’s already received his Prog Church indulgences, so FOAD, you little plebes.
I’m thinking the height of hypocrisy would be the Clinton Foundation returning Harvey Weinsteain’s money. So it may yet happen.
I don’t get the calls to return money every time some donor turns out to be a dirtbag. How is giving some asshole his money back seen as the right thing to do.
It only makes sense as some bullshit symbol of purity.
I don’t get the calls to return money every time some donor turns out to be a dirtbag.
Me neither. “So-and-so’s a real scumbucket. Let’s give him some money!”
I just find the Clinton Foundation’s excuse to be amusing. And, naturally, not a single reporter has asked them to prove that Harvey’s money went to those causes. And “Harvey put $250K in the general checking account, and we spent $250K from the general checking account on X” in no way proves Harvey’s money went to X.
Pertaining to charity. If I feel moved to give a donation after a tragedy, I will find someone directly affected and give them money
Fuck having my money being filtered through some non-profit before half or less of it is distributed in ways that I don’t have any control over.
When Harvey hit houston, I send 50 bucks to a friend of mine who had his house flooded.
This is why I give money directly to the homeless.
Fuck that. I give 40s of malt liquor to the homeless.
Meh. What if they want Mickey’s and you gave them Colt 45, or King Cobra? What if they don’t like malt liquor and prefer crack?
I am under no illusion they are going to spend my money wisely, but at least they get to do what they want with it.
Either way, you get your hand-job, though, right?
I give them 40s of anti-freeze.
Why not just a can of Sterno and an old sock?
I’ll *belch* take it!
/hobo
+/- RDA
Hot derp – get yer hot derp here!
Dear Zardoz. My older brother’s wife is pregnant again with baby girl #4. They have been trying to conceive a male heir since they got married. How do I best take my son to his house to rub it in his face that I made a boy on the first try.
Pretty sure ZARDOZ would say you’re in the wrong, since the penis is evil, after all.
That’s a cleansing!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN BUT FAILING ONE. FOOL, YOU HAVE FAILED ZARDOZ! YOU HAVE CREATED NEW LIFE…SO HAS YOUR OLDER BROTHER. REPORT TO THE VORTEX WHERE YOU WILL BE PUT TO WORK, GROWING GRAIN FOR THE ETERNALS! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
What exactly is the “it” you are going to rub in your brother’s face?
If it is your wife’s vagina (where your son came from) are you not worried they might like it a bit too much and you will be relegated to diaper duty?
take my son to his house to rub it in his face
You need to rub it in your brother’s wife, so she can have a son, too.
/Let me tell you about the birds & bees
So, this controversial fumble in the Jets Patriots game. I watched the replay. I don’t see anything controversial there. Sorry if you’re a Jets fan, that’s a fumble. He clearly lost control of the ball before crossing the goal line.
Sure, friendo. Just go ahead and set the musket and tricorner hat down now…
Of course its controversial. You are talking about it. That’s what makes it controversial.
No, seriously, it wasn’t me who made it that way. I don’t even care. It’s just that I accidentally saw a picture linked on drudge and it looked like loose ball to me. So I watched the replay. Fumble.
I get it. Jets fans….
I saw an article that tried to claim that the NFL bends over backwards to make sure the Pats win because of this call.
So the League conducted a botched sting operation during an AFC championship game, made themselves look like morons who failed high school science, and spent millions in legal fees to be able to suspend for 4 games the QB of the team they are trying to cheat on behalf of?
The zebras are just fuck ups and the NFL sucks. That is the problem.
^^THIS X1000^^
does reading this recurring theme make a suitable substitute for watching the movie?
I watched it last weekend. Knowing the movie makes the meme better in my opinion.
I have never seen it. I rrad the wiki page on it and I understand the premise. The movie looks like it would be pretty terrible.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zardoz
It’s entertaining, and actually somewhat interesting.
Trippy as hell though.
Oh yeah it’s a great movie, really one of the best, just awesome. Watch it even if it cost you $3.99 to rent it from Amazon, you won’t be horribly disappointed, nope not at all.
Now hold on, when did paying $3.99 on Amazon come into this?
Well it ain’t streaming on Netflix, hell they don’t even have it on DVD to ship to ya, good news though it’s only $2.99 not $3.99 but even better news for $9.99 you can own it for ever and watch it again and again and again, gathering ever more enjoyment with each successive viewing.
i’m assuming there’s enough clips on youtube to piece together a fair representation.
Allow me to rephrase myself: *Ahem* It’s extremely entertaining and somewhat interesting when you didn’t pay $3.99 for it.
Now Outland that’s gonna run you $3.99, but Outland is ,by any objective measure, at least 33% better than Zardoz.
name checks out.
The sarcasm dripping off of TH’s post should be readily apparent, even if he failed to tag it properly.
Sounds like someone is volunteering to be a brutal.
Yeah, WIkipedia gets it right in my opinion: it’s not great but it survives with cult status.
It is very….1970s. Best watched while a bit buzzed.
From Why Did Sean Connery Make Zardoz?
Translation: he was tired of being typecast as James Bond.
He had only done one Bond at that point, right?
No, he had done ALL his Bond films already: Dr. No, From Russia With Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball, You Only Love Twice, and Diamonds Are Forever
Wrong. He made a major error in judgement in the early ’80s.
Never Say Never Again.
*barf*
The best kind of correct!
Not All
*waves from high above Hyp*
Serves me right for adding a link. *begins plotting intricate criminal master plan to exact revenge*
Ah, 1962 was when he started doing Bond movies, duh!
Well he could have gone back to doing Disney musicals
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darby_O%27Gill_and_the_Little_People
DON’T YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT DARBY O’GILL.
Seriously, we watch that movie every St. Patrick’s Day. Janet Munro is cuter’n hell. Too bad she snuffed herself off.
The expansion of Medicaid will be on the ballot come November in Maine.
The Bangor Daily News sounds like a bunch of maniacs:
—-Bangor Daily News
https://bangordailynews.com/2017/09/13/opinion/medicaid-expansion-would-be-a-win-win-for-maine/
Everywhere I see people talking about expanding Medicaid, I see people effectively claiming that giving the poor legal opioids for free is the solution to the opioid “epidemic”.
At some point, this becomes evil. Pushing something that will result in higher addiction rates than there would be otherwise as the solution to addiction–it’s like a civil rights activist advocating a sky-high minimum wage knowing that it will result in more people being discriminated against–so he or she can recruit them for as protestors.
Anyone else see A Scanner Darkly, the flick?
This is starting to resemble an even more libertarian version of that–where the government is pushing addiction rather than some evil KKKorporation.
Yeah, Medicaid expansion will lead to a better outcome.
https://medcitynews.com/2017/02/predictive-analytics-can-tackle-opioid-crisis/
“The state also would save money in its criminal justice system.”
I can think of another way the state could save money in its criminal justice system. Quit arresting people for putting substances in their bodies.
I know. I know. Can’t be done.
One of the other justifications you see a lot is that it would make the state more competitive for business–because what business wouldn’t like the taxpayers to pay for their low pay employee’s health insurance?
Then, out of the other side of their mouths, they talk about how expanding Medicaid will save the taxpayers money.
to be fair to the writer, he penned an opinion piece a year ago in the BDN arguing for the Portugal approach to drugs.
the writer mentions all the Federal money to be available. makes no mention of the state contribution. yet somehow the state budget will get a boost.
from an article about LePage’s resistance to MaineCare expansion:
According to Medicaid.gov, there are currently about 266,000 residents on MaineCare, with an income eligibility threshold of up to 100 percent of the federal poverty level for adults with children. Children and pregnant women are eligible for MaineCare at up to 209 percent of the federal poverty rate.
100% of the “poverty level” vs 209% of the “poverty rate”. what is being compared here?
and then there’s this:
Able-bodied childless adults are currently not eligible for MaineCare but would be after Medicaid expansion.
Maine never got the memo that before your team blue politicians can shakedown all the businesses for tax dollars you have to have businesses first.
So, Hillary broke her toe. This is big news. Running down a flight of stairs with a full cup of coffee she says. Hmm, I don’t see her running anywhere, let alone on stairs.
I too, broke a toe when I was piss drunk once.
ZARDOZ, does that make me the same as Hillary?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN MARKSMAN ONE. NO! YOU ARE OF THE CHOSEN ONES. YOU HAVE BEEN RAISED FROM BRUTALITY. THE BROKEN TOED BRUTAL REMAINS BENEATH YOU. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Whew. I was getting ready to go outside and scrub myself with a coarse rock.
Some folk’ll never break a toe, but then again some folk’ll.
Clinton the hack-job yokel?
I’m guessing unless she snapped it due to calcium deficiency, it was kicking something hard in a rage fit.
It was a CRI…Chardonnay Related Injury.
You can injure yourself by kicking your underlings too many times.
She was doing the same thing she does every day, laying around in nothing but her bra and panties and downing her daily bottle of bourbon. She got up to go to the john, and her drunken ass slipped off the pot when she sat down not realizing the seat was up–that’s how she broke her toe. She started screaming about that son of a bitch, Bill, leaving the seat up again–but he hasn’t been home since last November. . . . not that the illegal aliens that wait on her hand and foot would say so, not unless they want another beating again.
I didn’t know you were interning with SF on your spare time, Ken.
*opera applause*
*Barf*
Ken. This is the worst thing you have ever written.
I’m working on a version of “The Aristocrats” joke, with a twist.
A drunken Hillary Clinton comes on stage in her bra and panties, drunk on bourbon, slips off the pot, blames Bill, and then pukes all over the stage.
Colin Kaepernick comes walking out on stage, but then the American flag drops down, and the national anthem starts playing–so he takes a knee. Once the anthem is over, he pulls the flag down, wipes Hillary’s ass with it, and uses it to mop up puke.
Meanwhile, Liz Warren comes on stage dressed in a feather headdress and wearing a Redskins jersey. She starts dancing around Hillary and Kaepernick in a circle. doing a war “whoop” with her hand.
That’s when Bernie Sanders comes on stage with a bunch of red guard with bayonets. He has them march the audience up against the wall and proceeds to . . .
Oh, but when the manager says, “That’s an amazing act, what do you call it?”
The punchline is, “The Democrats”!
*standing ovation*
Make sure to have Sarah Silverman do a monologue about Harvey Weinstien raping her while forcing Jimmy Kimmel to watch (of course he’s bawling like a baby)
Speaking of Hillary, when is she going to kick off from that terminal disease that many posters on TOS were swearing that she would croak from during the campaign against Trump?
Hillary is undead.
Most logical answer
The Russians broke her toe. This was an order straight down from the Kremlin, coordinated with Secret Nazi President to cripple her 2020 run.
*Paging Baked Penguin…Baked Penguin, please*
What Happened?
Since others have gone off topic already… I may have found the most quixotic campaign ever (TW: animated background). The Brewer’s Association has launched a campaign to try to raise the $213 billion in order to buy out AB-InBev.
I don’t know if I am glad I am no longer a paying member or disappointed.
BTW, as a trade org, they did some stuff with my money that wasn’t the most libertarian things. Mostly, I agreed with what they were doing, but they did some stuff I didn’t care for.
Don’t know if you saw, but Flying Dog pulled out of the BA due to restrictions on beer names and labels. I know I’ve gone out of my way to pick up more Flying Dog beer because of that. And they are consistent defenders of free speech. At least it’s all private organizations practicing their freedom of association.
Anytime I hear those words I assume the action being described will be neither.
I have never been a fan or their beer (or their names), but good for them.
When I was in college the local hippie grocery store was selling wild blue six packs (blueberry ale, 8% alcohol) for 4 bucks. I proceeded to buy $30 worth. Long story short I spent the rest of the night puking purple all over whatever bathroom I happened to be closest to (I think I was at a friends house, can’t really remember). That was the last time I ever touched that particular brand. I originally wrote this thinking that wild blue was a flying dog beer but it turns out I am not the only one to make that mistake and flying dog is suing (or did sue don’t know the outcome) InBev over it.
/cool story bro
So, basically how every gun owner feels about the NRA. Good to know it is not a unique experience.
The largest local brewery here was bought out by InBev a couple years back and everyone was going on about their irrational fear that InBev will change the product. I think these people fail to see the benefit of distributing a product to a larger market and they fail to see that InBev is buying it because they are fully aware the market wants a higher quality product they cannot produce and they would never change it unless it stopped selling.
It wasn’t irrational considering what has happened historically with brands InBev has purchased.
Given the type of corruption everyone has talked about below, it might still be irrational in AZ. I mean, shortly after when we became a state people would literally walk up to the state capitol and shoot at the statue at the top of the copper dome. It may be dangerous but it keeps people honest.
I hope Wicked Weed doesn’t join the other brands in a slide into bland mediocrity
The issue isn’t that the recipes will change, and one thing that InBev has down is quality control. On the technical level, they are amazing brewers who put out an exceedingly consistent product with very little to hide any flaws (not a product I want, but I can respect the skills). Where the complaints come from is monopolization of certain hop varieties, and the real fight… shelf space and distribution. There’s been some rumor of shady deals on the distribution side in a couple of states (mainly payoffs to distributors to push InBev brand beers over non-InBev, and payoffs to bar owners for tap handles).
What I find interesting about this fight is that (for the most part), it’s stayed out of the legal realm, and has been handled through contracts, voluntary association, and education. In short, it’s a good example to point towards how small business can fight against a “monopoly” without involving government.
There’s been some rumor of shady deals on the distribution side in a couple of states (mainly payoffs to distributors to push InBev brand beers over non-InBev, and payoffs to bar owners for tap handles).
Get outta here?! Really???
/Illinois
Illinois has it’s own issues with distribution, but I was originally thinking of the Massachusetts distributors who got fined, and the fed getting involved due to the ABInBev/MillerCoors acquisition.
Illinois has like 5 crime families…er, major distributors that seem to keep things…under control. One of them owns the Chicago Blackhawks.
My mom’s side of the family has “connections” with Chicago trash haulers. We jokingly call it the “Dutch Mafia” – all black licorice and windmill cookies.
Ohio allows self distribution, which helps out a lot of the smaller breweries (and led to some amusing stories from one the Brew Kettle first started distributing in hand labeled, hand bottled bombers). However, we’re not immune from distributors having issues. Remember boys and girls, always give a way to break a tie.
NC has the laughably small 25k barrel likit on self distribution. Bills to increase the limit have died terrible deaths the previous 2 sessions.
Last session, an owner or family relation to a distributor killed the increase bill in committee.
This session there seemed to be momentum but then the distribution lobby turned up the heat stating something like a third of brewers dont pay enough taxes and that self distribution steals jobs from distributors.
The NC craft group has decided to pursue distribution freedom through thr courts
Does that mean then that they only need to make one brand of shitty IPA?
If only
If they fuck up Stella then I fear the knowledge of beer making will be lost forever.
How can you fuck up something that crappy to begin with?
Psst… they’ve owned Stella for more then a decade now.
It was shitty when i tried in Merry Olde Englande fifteen years ago. Brits were raving about this great beer Stella, along with Carlsberg. Wasn’t impressed by either one and realized the sad state of British beer drinking at the time.
*barfs*
I’m entertained that Stella is known as “wife beater” for its high ABV… which was at it’s highest at 5.2%. UK beer culture is a different beast then the US one.
That’s hilarious. Heineken has more abv than Stella and it’s not even 6%.
I had a Belgian Army Major I was talking about Stella to say “Pffft…peasant beer!” Artois is the hillbilly part of Belgium.
They have Belgian rednecks? Huh.
Walloon farmers.
That’s a new one on me.
During good year, how many Walloons to the hectare can you expect to harvest?
To paraphrase Dr. Who, everywhere has a North, mother.
I like stella. I also have a lot of redneck tendencies, so there’s that.
That’s really weird. I’ve never known Stella as a hillbilly beer. When I think of redneck beer I always think BUD or BUD Lite, Busch, crap like that. I never knew a redneck who drank Stella.
Stella would only be a redneck beer to a beer snob who only drinks IPAs and obscure beers from microbreweries you’ve probably never heard of.
I know alot of rednecks. None of them drink stella. We drink Busch light because it’s cheap and it does what we need it to.
Looks like a pretty creative and funny way to get people on their mailing list. They are only taking pledges and they are clear that they don’t think it has any chance of happening.
Were they drunk when they made that video (and had that idea)?
Oops
In a military courtroom here on Monday morning, Sergeant Bergdahl stood before the judge, Col. Jeffery A. Nance, and described his actions as inexcusable.
“You just walked away?” Colonel Nance asked him.
“Yes, sir,” Sergeant Bergdahl replied. “Unfortunately, I got lost in my first 20 minutes.”
Sergeant Bergdahl has previously said that he had intended to walk from his unit’s outpost to a larger base about 18 miles away, in order to report what he felt were leadership problems in his unit. He said he wanted to cause a major stir, to ensure that he received an audience with a high-ranking officer.
Something tells me the “It seemed like a good idea at the time” defense doesn’t get much traction in a military tribunal.
That’s a CLEANSING.
Only one thing to do, skip town again.
That’s gold, Hammer! Gold!
You know who else had what he thought was a good idea at the time that resulted in the deaths of several countrymen?
Gavrilo Princip?
Benedict Arnold?
Lord Cardigan?
I just hear the audiobook version of “Flashman”. “Jowwy good, Mistah FWASH-man.”
Barack Obama about Benghazi?
Lt. Col. George Armstrong Custer?
Gen. Lee.
Pol Pot?
Dr. Felix Hoenikker?
+1 See the cat? See the cradle?
Zardoz?
Barack Obama?
Mao?
“Unfortunately, I got lost in my first 20 minutes.”
“Let no man cry out in his hour of need, ‘If only I had been trained!’”
Hmm. No sentence yet.
I guess they don’t do firing squads any more for soldiers who desert in the face of the enemy.
So is the movie worth watching?
Yes!
Yes, but have a couple drinks first.
By czernobog I’m going to rent that movie this weekend. I’ve been putting it off too long. But by recommendation I will be lightly sloshed (not that it matters, I’m a fan of weird and cult movies)
i’m kinda a sucker for anything that features the second movement of the 7th. please post trip report
A surprisingly relevant OT:
The answer will (not) surprise you!
Get over your hoplaphobia and grow a pair?
Stay at home; board up the doors and windows. Amazon will deliver groceries, toilet paper, and dog food. You’ll never have to see your inlaws again. Tell your wife to suck it up.
Call the cops. You have a 50-50 chance that they’ll take him out instead of you.
Maybe this is how we finally get rid of all the progs, they commit suicide by cop.
holy shit, i glanced over the “brother-in-law” part and read this initially as a letter written by the wife, and suddenly i was imagining a polygamy sister-wives situation where one wife doesn’t like the husband bringing guns, and he doesn’t even live there.
after clicking the link, i prefer my fantasy to reality
Why is this in the Chicago Tribune? Haven’t they disarmed that city?
But all responsible gun owners use gun safes, and that is where they keep their deadly weapons, not slung on their hips.
paging Barfman
Sounds to me like he is saying cops aren’t responsible gun owners, walking around with their guns on their hips and all.
not “on” their hips. not even holstered. “slung” on their hips.
I would agree with that.
I usually call a timeout when a thug pulls a gun on me, so I can run home and get my gun out of the safe. That or wait 90 minutes for the cops to show up after I’ve been shot.
Her response? “Your first job is to try to protect your children, regardless of who might be offended by your effort.”
The BIL has the weapons. How is pussy-man supposed to protect his kids? Pull a pussy hat down over his eyes and run away with his family while he is blinded?
i’d bet good money that question is bullshit and shrieking harpy Amy Dickinson just wanted to post some anti-gun screed.
Among other things, this issue is causing our wives (the sisters) to be unable to spend time together.
Boy, there’s a question begged.
I think guns should be carried only by police.
I really don’t get this reasoning. If it is a safe enough world for me to walk around unarmed, it’s safe enough for the police to walk around unarmed.
I bet he thinks police brutality and racism is an issue at the same time.
Police go through special training and screening so that they can be trusted to carry deadly weapons, whereas the rest of us “civilians” can’t. That’s why police never misuse firearms, proving that BLM is completely redundant, which in turn is why they’ve pivoted to fighting the real enemy: white privilege.
I’ve never understood that. People somehow think police and military get some special training that makes them not just expert marksmen, but good moral people. Any person in reasonable shape could be either.
Are these people functionally brain-dead? I know there’s no need to spell it out here, but the only responsible gun owner are hunters who hide their icky tools of death away after each use?
Also enjoyed how she alluded to the gun owner being a wife beater and control freak, just because has a gun.
Finally, her sexism is showing. My wife goes armed everywhere.
My wife goes armed everywhere.
Hawt. What’s she carry?
Spartan kids?
Holstered attack dog
http://imgur.com/qiZU04S
pic of Spartan and his wife.
Holstered attack dog
http://imgur.com/qiZU04S
pic of Spartan and his wife
Haha, that’s actually not too far off. When she get home at night from work during winter when it’s dark out, I meet her at the end of driveway with our largest GSD on a leash and usually just OC. If I feel something’s off, I may have a shotgun slung. It’s pitch black at the end of our driveway and she’s been harassed by druggies before. The dog alerts me if there’s someone in the street before I can see them. Also, there’s no arguing with a dog that looks like a large, black timber wolf.
Spartan kids?
Rooster knocked my 2 year old down yesterday and attacked her. I gave her a stick and she charged the rooster right back, beating the ever loving shit out of it until it backed off and ran away. *wipes single tear*
She carries a Springfield XDS 9mm with usually a couple knives tucked away. Devout libertarian too. Lucked out with this one somehow .
No shit, quite possible that his wife is armed as well.
This also brings up the reminder that there’s no reason to tell any one (except maybe your wife) that you’re carrying, including family members or friends. Non carriers, let along non-gun owners, probably won’t even notice even if you print from time to time.
I never talk about it. No one except my brother has ever noticed (and only because he carries as well).
it’s the way it’s supposed to go.
Yeah. Stop being a little bitch. Next question.
As always, the simplest answer is the most correct.
In all seriousness, every property owner should feel free to tell people that come onto their property that carrying on that property is prohibited, and if they find someone who is carrying on their property and refuses to leave after being told to do so, property owners should be free to call the police and have that person removed from the property and charged with trespassing.
How to stand up for yourself like that–and not offend anybody or make sisters made at each other?
There is no way.
There is no way for people in a free society to consistently stand up for their rights without offending anybody, and sisters will BOTH find a way to be mad at each other AND not anyway–regardless of whether you stand up for your rights.
That’s the kind of happy medium I’ve come to appreciate and understand. Your woman and her sister may hate each other, but they love each other, too. They can’t wait to see each other during the holidays, but, yeah, that only lasts for about two hours once they’re back together if you’re lucky. After that, there’s a slow build up to an eruption of anger–after which, they avoid each other like the opposite poles of a magnet. At least until it gets close to time to go home. Once they realize they’re leaving to go home again, they get sad, and forgiving, and then they start crying when they leave–and find themselves subconsciously mad at you because you’re the only thing keeping your woman away from her family and her glorious sister . . .
If you stay together with a woman long enough, either she’s moving back close to her family, eventually, or her family is coming to live near you. Once you’re dead, her sister will move in. She’ll still be there making jokes about what a doofus you were ten, twenty years after you’ve been cremated and had your ashes dumped into the ocean. Your woman will use the money you spent your whole life making to take her sister on exotic vacations all over the world. This is what will happen to you and your memory–if you’re lucky, don’t get divorced, and stay married until you die.
My advice–live your life for you.
Be exactly who you want to be,
do what you want to do
I am he and she is she
but you’re the only you
No one else has got your eyes,
can see the things you see
It’s up to you to change your life
and my life’s up to me
The problems that you suffer from
are problems that you make
The shit we have to climb through
is the shit we choose to take
If you don’t like the life you live,
change it now it’s yours
Nothing has effects
if you don’t recognize the cause
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIdcDL64KCE
#Me too
http://imgur.com/kPeMt85
It took me about 5 minutes to get the joke, but I finally laughed.
I too was sexually assaulted by the IRS. You can open up about your abuse too vhyrus. If everybody who has been sexually assaulted by the IRS would post me too, then people might start understanding the enormity of the problem..
what’s the joke?
I think the #MeToo hashtag is being used for “Weinstein assaulted/abused me” stories on the Twatters. Not really sure, since I don’t twat.
I believe it’s supposed to be anyone who was harassed at any time in their life, in order to “show the scope of the problem”.
I saw it on the Facebook earlier. Some sort of activist hashtag campaign about raising awareness for women who were sexually assaulted/harassed.
People are putting #metoo on Facebook to show that they have been sexually assaulted or harassed. I can tell how cynical I’ve become based on my reaction. I have a close family member who was recently sexually assaulted, so when I see #metoo I wonder if the person was legit assaulted, or if a guy looked at them wrong on the subway. There are too many serious things getting watered down lately. A lot like the sex offender registry, which used to mean a person raped someone, and now could mean the person sent a dick pick to their girlfriend.
I had a girl grab me by the penis in a club once. I was behind her and she thought I was her boyfriend. Should I #Metoo?
Oh wait. I can’t. I don’t Facebook.
You don’t either? *Virtual Fist Bump*
You guys should totally friend request each other! Oh…wait
You’re not trend-breaking until you don’t have Snapchat.
No snapchat, no imgur, no twitter, not facebook, no linked in.
Fuck all of that crap.
This is a man who gets it.
A.) Did she let go once she found out who you were?
B.) Did she look good?
C.) Were either of you too drunk to care?
A) Yes.
B) Yes.
C) Yes to both. We had a laugh.
I’m right there with you. It’s just a twist on the old saw: “If everything is top priority, then nothing is.” If you try to compare someone catcalling a women walking down the street with raping someone, all that does is water down rape. It doesn’t actually make catcalling someone the equivalent of rape.
Dude, that’s not an old saw. That’s an Iron Law:
If everything is a priority, nothing is.
That’s why I feel free to ridicule the #metoo hashtactivism. I’m gonna bet most of the me too people are either full of shit or are using a very very broad definition of harassment.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/north-korea-emp-attack-could-105719348.html
Not sure if this is bullshit or not. I lean towards thinking it’s not very likely.
If you are a robot, you’re doomed.
I would hijack a boat, ride over there, and start personally shooting norks before I let something like that kill me.
Can I ride with you?
Ass, gas, or brass, buddy. No free rides.
Well then, brass it is. .30-.40 Krag
nice!
i choose gas.
“Its your lucky day. I just had lunch at Taco Bell!”
The last couple of months have had constant reports of possible world ending events, whether it’s supervolcanoes, Norks, or asteroids.
Gilmored
I blame Trump… on both accounts.
Will there be beer?
North Korean military leadership can’t possibly be stupid enough to try any real aggression.
Pop a nuke over the US, and nobody, not even the Chinese premier, would say boo about the MIRV response. Hell, even President John Effin’ Kerry would have to nuke ’em back, or he’d be ex-President inside of a week. The Norks are crazy, but they ain’t that dumb.
Probably.
that picture of Kim is awesome and even better than i was expecting.
The man simply cannot take a picture that isn’t risible.
He’s a fucking cartoon character.
You would think, in a country where most people are chronically underfed if not constantly starving, that his picture alone would be enough to start a revolution.
Sickles and pitchforks don’t work so well against AKs, comrade. This is why communist regimes must be nipped in the bud. If they get their military organized and on the dole it is almost impossible to break them free.
My bullshit meter went so high that it broke off.
I’m going to say that this is typical Nork propaganda abetted by self-described experts from a government commission that was disbanded by the Trump administration and might, just might, be slightly biased in their estimations. I’m not an expert, but from what I’ve read they don’t have sufficient payload to perform a crippling EMP attack, and what they’d be able to do wouldn’t even effect most cars, planes, trains, etc.
If Twitter and Facebook go down, half the country is going to freak.
Yeah, but they won’t be able to tell anybody about it, so it’s all good.
They’ve been pulling out the OMG EMP panic every few months for as long as I can remember. I’ve never looked into it but do recall some saner sounding people claiming that even if carried out the “Were all gonna die” parts are greatly exaggerated.
Dear ZARZOD
When I started out as an exterminator I enlisted a couple of my marine friends to help. They taught me a cadence popularized in Full Metal Jacket to differentiate between my rifle and my gun. With this knowledge and your command to go forth with the gift of the gun to cleanse brutals I have applied myself with zeal. Some days I can hardly recuperate between cleansings I’ve been so busy following your orders.
The results have been disappointing to say the least. The brutals seem to be multiplying even faster than before I started my campaign. Please send help.
Help?
Sounds more like you need to start knocking back the Viagra-spiked Powerade, d00d.