This is my review of La Cumbre (Albuquerque, NM) Malpais Stout.

The fun part about the English Milk Stout is that it does not contain milk, but it does contain lactose which as we all know is found in milk.  Lactose is a disaccharide known for giving people gas because of the angle of the Oxygen bonds between glucose and galactose.  That’s the O with the funny z-shaped bond that joins the monosaccharides below.  

This bond in similar (but not identical!) to the type of bond found in the same type of polysaccharides found in dietary fiber.  Most mammals cannot process fiber on their own, even cows; they process it with the help of bacteria that is passed to the calf from its mother.  It’s also why fashion models and beauty pageant contestants eat celery.  So as not to lose my audience, here’s Miss Kansas 2014, who I am quite certain eats meat. 

In other words, people have issues with lactose because in a way, humans were never intended to be able to easily process the sugar beyond infancy.  The sugar most people associate with beer of course is maltose.

Science AND beer?! What kind of site are we running, anyway?

Looks the same?  Not quite.  While they have identical chemical formulas, the difference is the angle of the oxygen bonds between the two monosaccharides.  What does this subtle to the point where it appears to be a nearly meaningless difference between sugar have to do with beer?  It has to do with everything.  The yeast that processes these sugars must do so in a different way because of this bond but it can process both easily.  The result is a beer that tastes slightly different—sweeter and not as dry.  This is the explanation as to why milk stouts taste the way they do, and why not all stouts taste the same and thus were broken up into multiple articles.

Another fun fact about milk stouts:  they were initially marketed to lactating women.  No wonder your mom likes it.

So begins…the circle…of stouts!

A good example of the English Milk Stout is Mackeson Stout.

This one is kind of hard to find in the US, so if you are looking for a good example of the English Milk Stout, check out Left Hand’s Milk Stout.  As a bonus, it is also available with the Nitrogen charged widget.

Another type is the English Chocolate Stout.  Part 2 of this series I mentioned Young’s Double Chocolate Stout, but an arguably finer example is Samuel Smith’s Organic Chocolate Stout.

It appears arrogant to the uninitiated yet deliberately proper, and understated–like everything else the English do well.  If you can find it, an example from the US might be Lancaster Double Chocolate Stout.  I’ve never had this one, but I have heard a lot of good things about it.  If I am wrong about it, I will recant on my deathbed.

As for the stout featured above.  I asked everyone what kind of beer I should get on a Friday PM Links thread, and while I got an answer, I had already made my purchase by the time I checked my phone.  I picked this because for some reason all the Glibs from the Land of Enchantment seemed to show up all at once one evening.  So here is my shout out to the green chili eating weirdos to the east whose most famous resident painted pictures that my former boss has all over her office.  

Internet points awarded to whoever actually knows who this is

La Cumbre Malpais Stout has a ridiculous malt complexity and a subtle bite from the hops.  It’s ABV is at a healthy 7.5% and there is a slight burn to it.  This one is rather dry like an Irish stout, because it is.  Its old-world analogue is Guinness Extra Stout.  It is a solid effort, and one I would recommend.  La Cumbre Malpais Stout 3.5/5