This is a big sports week for me. But as a courtesy to our non-sports fans and to those who are put off by my hatred for ❌ichigan, I’ll try to keep it toned down.  But seriously, Fuck ❌ichigan. Worst fucking place ever. ⭕️????⭕️ for life!

Truth!

Federer got bounced by David Goffin in the semifinals of the ATP Finals, so we didn’t get to see him and Grigor Dimitrov face off again in the season finale.  So Dimitrov went out and took Goffin down in three sets to win the championship. Good for him. And good for tennis.

Arsenal put a beatdown on Spurs to jump back into the conver…ok, I gotta stop there. It was one game, but Arsenal ain’t going anywhere. Everton drew with bottom-feeder Palace. Man City keeps cruising. Manure won but the world still hates them. Liverpool thumped Soton. Chelski did the same to WBA.  In Spain, Athletico and Real drew in a snoozer. And in Catalonia, Barcelona eased to a win. Bayern won big. So did Wolfsburg. Leverkusen was held to a draw. I don’t follow the greaseball league, but I assume Roma are still near the top? Well, they won. So did Naples, who beat former powerhouse AC Milan.  Inter won. And Juventus lost to Sampdoria, which sounds like it should be surprising.  Meh, who knows how they can play with all that oil on the ball from the headers anyway.

Full slate of hockey Saturday, but I’ll spare you the details other than to note that the battle for Canada was won by the English-speakers from Toronto. Sorry frogs. Your Canadiens will have to try again next time. Also, the Blackhawks won a pretty important game over the Penguins, who are hated by all decent people. The Army, I mean Las Vegas, Knights beat LA. And the Anaheim Mighty Ducks won. Red Wings lose to the Avalanche, although the matchup doesn’t generate the hate it used to.

No upsets in football, although UVa gave Miami a bit of a scare.  But this is rivalry week, and the sphincters will be a little tighter as the week progresses.  Here’s hoping for some good games. Except one. Fuck _ichigan, I’m hoping we beat the piss out of them.

Right, enough sports. Let’s bring on…the links!

I dindunuffin!

I don’t know who to believe and I really don’t care anymore. But the creature that is Lena Dunham sure has created a shitshow. Maybe molesting her sister, falsely accusing a man of rape and generally being a piece of shit human being are finally catching up to the sloppy, fat hypocrite.

That crazy asshole Charles Manson is dead. Good.

Could somebody please explain what the fuck Kratom is? Because I keep reading about how its fine. Or how its the scourge of the earth. Or something, something kids hardest hit. Anyway, I’d like to know, but I’m pretty lazy so I won’t research it.  Instead, several of you will hopefully debate it in the comments.

This seems like a pretty clever idea. Although, if the dude really wanted to get some, he could just falsely imprison them, make them have sexy times and then let them go.  Or does that only work in New York?

Ever felt like you were getting raped by the IRS?  Well, about that. Looks like one of their agents, who is still on the job, took the phrase a little too seriously.

I laughed.

An EU official says Great Britain must make concessions for Ireland during Brexit. I’m getting a kick out of all these demands the EU are making. Britain can just as easily say “go fuck yourself, find a new business partner” and then go on about their lives. I mean, surely they won’t knuckle under and give the Euros whatever they want in exchange for their freedom back.  Will they? Oh shit, they can and probably will.  Oh well, I guess that’s what happens when you entangle your nation with others and give up your sovereignty.  Good luck, Limeys.

Last but not least, college radio stations are becoming everything they used to rail against. And seriously, your station’s call letters are KUMM. You should probably have more of a sense of humor, even if you have no concept of the FCC and how their “laws” work.

I don’t know a single person that dislikes this song. I hope I don’t find out that person exists in the comments.

Have a Happy Monday! (Hey, I’ll play Happy Mondays sometime. But I’ll do it on a Tuesday to be ironic.)