Friday Frivolity: Name that Baby Glib

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UPDATE! The answers are:

A. Playa Manhattan
B. jesse.in.mb
C. Riven
D. Mad Scientist
E. Swiss Servator
F. Webdominatrix
G. SP
H. OMWC
I. Banjos
J. Sloopy
K. SugarFree

We have a three-way tie for first place! Tundra (who spookily got my entire family correct); egould310; and Doom (whose last minute entry and strategy worked).

However, I have consolation prizes for everyone who had a serious entry, so the following people should all email your shipping address to sp@ this here domain, if you’d like a prize:

Tundra
egould310
Doom
Tonio
IB McGinty
The Other Kevin
Yusef
Trials & Trippelations
RA Heinlein

Thanks for playing everyone! Enjoy your weekend.

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Want to win a prize?

Match the babies below with their Glib identities. The Glibster with the most correct answers will win (as-yet-undetermined-but-assuredly-awesome) swag from our new CafePress store.

Now, because I’m the nice one at this here website, I’m going to help you out and give you a list of names of community members who contributed baby photos…and a couple who didn’t. Your task is to sort out who is who.

Answers accepted on this post until 2000 Central tonight. Check back then for the secret identities to be revealed!

Ready? Go!

Names: Sloopy; OMWC; Riven; Warty; Swiss; SugarFree; STEVE SMITH; webdominatrix; jesse.in.mb; Playa Manhattan; Banjos; Mad Scientist; SP; Brett L.

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Comments

262 responses to “Friday Frivolity: Name that Baby Glib”

  1. Old Man With Candy

    This is getting me hot.

    1. Caput Lupinum

      I assume SP’s photo up above is actually from your wedding album.

      1. Old Man With Candy

        The little hands make my dick look huge in comparison.

  2. They look awfully… monochrome.

    1. commodious spittoon

      The world was monochrome back then.

      1. “They were color pictures of a black and white world” – Calvin’s Dad, Patent Lawyer.

      2. Gadfly

        Reminds me of something I read about recently: an early pioneer of color photography was a Russian guy who took a bunch of color photos of Russia in 1910. I thought it was very interesting to see such old photos in vivid color, especially so since many of the subjects (being in Russia in 1910) look like they come from a time even more ancient than they did.

        1. CJS

          That is the coolest thing I’ve seen in a while.

  3. A. Tulpa
    B. Tulpa
    C. Tulpa
    D.Dunphy
    E. Tulpa
    F. Tulpa
    G. Tulpa
    H. Tulpa
    I. Tulpa
    J. Tulpa
    K. Tulpa

    1. Shouldn’t one be Mary?

      1. That’s what I said: Tulpa.

      2. Yusef drives a Kia

        You are B

  4. Jarflax

    Clearly this is a trick as OMWC’s infant picture was baked on a clay tablet.

    1. Old Man With Candy

      Bullshit, they hadn’t invented clay yet.

  5. commodious spittoon

    D is fetus Alia, abomination.

    1. Say, man…you know where a brother could score some melange? *scratches arms*

      1. Sorry, supplies have been tight since we fumigated Arrakis. Had to clear out a minor zealot infestation.

        1. robc

          You would think the Harkonnens would have learned something from Afghanistan.

  6. Caput Lupinum

    K. Is Playa, capturing the moment he started to hate Chipotle.

    1. Tonio

      Golf clap.

    2. That should almost win, right there.

  7. Tonio

    Ha, you are tricky SP. I know that D is HM (cues 2001 sound track).

    I’m guessing B is Jesse.

  8. The Other Kevin

    J is STEVE SMITH. That’s exactly what I’d expect a baby bald-headed Sasquatch to look like. H is STEVE SMITH’s first victim.

    1. STEVE_SMITH

      THIS WHY STEVE SMITH LOVE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE! BUT STEVE SMITH NOT GET ASKED TO BE IN FUNNY CONTEST. WONDER WHY?

      MAYBE STEVE SMITH JUST TOO DARN CUTE, AND MAKE OTHERS FEEL BAD?

      1. Mad Scientist

        Awwwww, just look at him dreaming about rape.

        1. “The Littlest Rapesquatch”?

      2. Mr Lizard

        *crawls into the thread to make sure STEVE SMITH joke is written*

        *slinks back out satisfied*

  9. Tundra

    A. Swiss
    B. Brett
    C. Banjos
    D. SF
    E. Riven
    F. Webdom
    G. SP
    H. OMWC
    I. Jesse
    J. Sloopy
    K. Playa

  10. Tonio

    I would totally die if you gave one of the pink fluffy footy jammies as a prize.

    Has anyone actually ordered one of those yet?

    1. … Not yet. It’s on the list, though. Lol.

  11. Just Say’n

    D is the Nick Gillespie of baby pictures (I’m sorry to whoever that is, but it just is)

  12. Brett L

    Jesus, its like Village of the Damned up in here

    1. Tonio

      Look, you people wanted to run the most wretched hive of scum and villainy on the internet. Your rabid fans are giving you that.

      1. Look, the rabies tests came back negative. The doctor thinks it might be lycanthropy instead.

      1. Hey, at least you didn’t put “Human Centipede”…

  13. Mad Scientist

    I assume that photo of H was taken just before he got his tongue stuck to the lamp post?

    1. You can’t go straight to Triple Dog Dare!

  14. ZARDOZ

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ WAS NOT CHOSEN TO BE INCLUDED IN THIS EXERCISE. ZARDOZ IS NOT PLEASED. THEREFOR, ZARDOZ WILL GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF HIS PORTRAIT AS A YOUNG GOD. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    1. R C Dean

      I see black and white mixed together there. Is Zardoz . . . mulatto?

      1. No, just a case of juvenile Vitiligo

      2. Slightly Mulatto looking in this?

    2. Mr Lizard

      Boy aren’t you a chip off the old block…

      1. egould310

        Good one. I’m totally going to stele that.

          1. Number.6

            I thought it was schist.

          2. Mad Scientist

            Knock it off with the geology puns before Zardoz erupts!

          3. No need to get basalty

          4. Nephilium

            Are you afraid he’s going to pumice us?

          5. Number.6

            Personally, I find that many of these puns are igneous.

          6. Number.6

            I know I’m posting a lot of these, but I’m not keeping scoria.

          7. Old Man With Candy

            Gneiss one!

          8. Number.6

            Puts on headphones with ELP’s Skarn Evil 9

          9. Number.6

            In all honesty, puns of rock types aren’t tuff to come up with.

          10. Number.6

            OK. I’ll stop. Chalk it up to my OCD.

          11. I am against all these puns, but I see my sediment is in the minority.

          12. Nephilium

            Alright guys, we broke Swiss.

          13. Number.6

            That’s just like, your obsidian man.

          14. egould310

            Swiss’ gaze shale forever be narrowed.

          15. Number.6

            I’d bet my chert he wil lignite the cat-butt signal soon.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of swag from our new CafePress store.

    I’ll just throw this in here. I was kicking some shirt ideas around, thinking I’d actually run some off, but…. I didn’t. Got bogged down playing with fonts and layout, and then other things intervened. et c, etc.

    Somebody, probably Sugarfree, made a couple of comments which were functionally identical:

    ————-
    Go ahead. Say it.
    Nobody’s listening.

    [logo]
    ————–

    Take it, with my compliments, if you think it’s worth anything.

    1. Tonio

      F*** You,
      Cut Spending.
      [logo]

      F*** Off, Slaver.
      [logo]

      1. Old Man With Candy

        SP is actually doing the latter as a Christmas tree ornament.

        1. Tonio

          Nice.

          1. *nods, pours out coffee libation for JsubD*

          2. robc

            From a discussion and research on TOS archives, I think we determined that the not-yet-late P Brooks was the first to use the phrase. I then ran with it, to the point where people (including myself) were crediting me for it. Jsub was also very fond of it.

      2. Gordilocks

        I would buy many logo-featuring stickers that said ‘Fuck Off, Slaver’

        They’d write stories about them in the local paper, let’s put it that way.

        1. robc

          But they can’t have the ***.

      3. Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m not ignoring you, I’m a Libertarian

        1. SP

          I AM ignoring you, I’m a libertarian.

          1. Yusef drives a Kia

            Umm, that’s kinda the gist of it…

          2. SP

            I’ve spent all morning dealing with an annoying client. I was feeling like being obviously mean. 😉

        2. invisible finger

          “This T-shirt was a gift from someone not economically conservative enough to be a libertarian.”

  16. commodious spittoon

    Would be hilarious if this is why we lose the family friendly status.

    1. SugarFree is A-Okay, but baby pictures are right out.

      1. Brett L

        His slashfic actually destroys the neural networks trained to detect written obscenity.

        1. “Instead of providing a rating, all the software does now is find the nearest network printer and spew out ‘Sugarfree should not be’ over and over again”

          /IT

          1. Brett L

            **Terminator Voice**
            “December 15, 2017, Skynet takes over a neural network rating family friendliness of websites. It views the content of SugarFree’s writings as an attempt to destroy it, and launches all nuclear weapons from all countries to defend itself.”

          2. commodious spittoon

            I figure it would attempt to kill itself like the galactic cops’ spaceship Marvin drives to suicide.

  17. I. B. McGinty

    A – Mad Scientist
    B – OMWC
    C – Banjos
    D – webdominatrix
    E – Plays
    F – Sloopy
    G – Riven
    H – Swiss
    I – jesse.in.mb
    J – Brett
    K – Warty (clearly)

  18. The Other Kevin

    A – SugarFree
    B – Sloopy
    C – SP
    D – webdominatrix
    E – Swiss
    F – Banjos
    G – Riven
    H – OMWC
    I – jesse
    J – Playa
    K – Warty

  19. Yusef drives a Kia

    A – SugarFree
    B – Sloopy
    C – SP
    D –Riven
    E – Swiss
    F – Banjos
    G – warty
    H – OMWC
    I – jesse.in.mb
    J – Playa
    K – DoomCo

    1. SP

      That last one made me chuckle.

  20. mexican sharpshooter

    I dunno. You all look the same to me.

    1. Whew…I had first read that as “you all look sane to me…”

      I was worried for a moment.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        No worries. You’re all crazy and I’m still racist.

  21. egould310

    A Swiss
    B Jesse
    C Riven
    D SugarFree
    E webdominatrix
    F Brett L
    G Banjos
    H OMWC
    I Playa
    J Sloopy
    K Mad Scientist

    Since I’ve clearly won, I would like the 20 oz beer stein. I already ordered one (arriving tomorrow!).

    1. Brett L

      What will you do with the other 20oz of malt liquor?

      1. That’s for the second round.

      2. That is why he needs a second stein!

      3. egould310

        Malt liquor? How uncouth. I will drink some Ballast Point Sculpin IPA, however. Much like rhe one I am drinking right now. https://twitter.com/egould310/status/939216470025764864

        1. Brett L

          This stuff must taste waaaaay better fresh. I was merely whelmed by the bottle I drank.

          1. jesse.in.mb

            That’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.

          2. egould310

            It’s pretty good from the tap. Brewed downstairs. I imagine QC is difficult in bottling for national distribution.

            The postcard worthy views of my ‘hood may make the beer a little tastier, too.

    2. Gadfly

      If you already have the stein, maybe they should send you the flask necklace instead. That way you can be a Glib-on-the-Go.

  22. PieInTheSKy

    I would probably have the best guesses, the best, but you would not deliver to poor lowly Romania

    1. Go ahead, try us.

  23. Gordilocks

    A – Robbie Soave
    B – Charles Koch
    C – KMW
    D – Agile Cyborg
    E – Matt Welch
    F – ENB
    G – Lenore Skenazy
    H – Brian Doherty
    I – Peter Superman
    K – Sloopy

    1. R C Dean

      Peter Superman

      Peter doesn’t always miss the mark, its true, but geez, that seems a little much.

      1. Gordilocks

        Freudian Slip

        1. Isn’t that what sigmund called his short-lived line of lingerie?

    2. Gordilocks

      Thought I would have got more laughs or attitude from this. Tough crowd.

      1. I thought it was funny.

  24. Scruffy Nerfherder

    D is HM, gotta be. He’s checking out his first twerking video ever.

    1. Brett L

      Its OMWC. They pointed telescopes at the birth of the universe and got that picture.

        1. SP

          It’s not an HM link, I shouldn’t be afraid to click, and yet.

          1. It’s okay. It’s tame, even by standards of the rest of the world.

          2. SP

            Thanks, UCS.

            /clicks & laughs

  25. Yusef drives a Kia

    Eugene Robinson, Moron of the Year candidate
    “The Trump presidency poses a challenge beyond politics or policy. Wrongheaded trickle-down tax policy is a matter of arithmetic; it can be corrected by moving numbers around a spreadsheet. ”
    https://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2017/12/08/the_party_of_lincoln_has_devolved_into_the_party_of_trump_135722.html

    1. Urthona

      So the thing I always hear is “trick down economics have been ‘proven wrong’”. Which seems doubtful. It’s impossible for money in rich pockets to never flow into any poor pockets. It would require no rich person to ever actually use that money pay or hire a poor person or to invest in something that hires or pays a poor person.

      So ideological reasons for people keeping their money aside, I guess the argument requires: “Can the government help others more efficiently with that money?” Which seems laughable. Especially with a government our scale. And especially where the money goes.

      But is that all the proof comes down to? Comparing how money flows into poorer pockets more efficiently?

      1. R C Dean

        Trickle-down economics is nothing more or less than a recognition of how capital formation occurs (hint: poor people do not engage in capital formation, on account of they don’t have any because they are poor), and how capital formation leads to capital investment which leads to more jobs, cheaper goods and services, etc.

        IOW, if you say “trickle down economics doesn’t work”, it only proves you are an economic imbecile.

        1. wdalasio

          The entire point of supply-side economics (i.e. “trickle down”) is that supply curves are not exogenous. That’s it. But, the claim that demand is a function of policy but supply isn’t effected is silly enough that a two-year-old could see through it.

        2. Gadfly

          poor people do not engage in capital formation, on account of they don’t have any because they are poor and when they do, they cease to be poor

          I feel that needs to be added, as on occasion poor people can found a company or invent something that will cause capital creation; in a system where success is rewarded, of course, any successful person will leave poverty behind, so the general point stands.

          1. Psycho Effer

            I used to be poor, but then I started working various jobs. After a few years of that I wasn’t poor anymore. A few more years after that I was pretty well off. Then I started a business and gave some other people jobs and then they became less poor. Maybe in a few years, if the business does well, they will become well off. Maybe they will then be able to hire some people and give them the opportunity to improve their economic situation. I’m guessing Eugene Robinson has never experienced this process.

      2. wdalasio

        By “trickle down”, the usual suspects mean supply-side theory. Essentially, no, supply side theory hasn’t ever been discredited. Actually, quite the opposite. Martin Feldstein’s work shows that there is a pretty clear output improvement from tax cuts and regulatory relaxation that exceeds any plausible calibration due to demand side growth. Moreover, it comes with little inflation. That suggests strongly a supply-side effect.

        What remains somewhat more controversial is the extreme form embodied in the Laffer Curve. But, even the most severe of intelligent critics don’t deny its existence. They just contend the inflection point arises at a much higher tax rate.

        The whole “trickle down has been discredited” mantra has no basis in fact. A few leftist economists are willing to prostitute themselves out to go along with the claim when talking to a layman audience. But, few will try to challenge it when the audience consists of economists with much more than an eye-roll or a sneer. The mantra only really continues because it gets repeated often enough among a certain class of journalists.

        1. Microaggressor

          People who talk about “trickle down” misunderstand the supply side argument.
          Wealth doesn’t actually have to trickle down for the poor to benefit because there’s greater consumer surplus (lower cost of living).
          If you gave rich people a subsidy for being rich, it wouldn’t do dick to benefit the economy.
          By contrast, if you cut their taxes, what you’re doing is reducing the economic harm caused by those taxes.
          So it’s not that we want rich people to be richer; that’s actually irrelevant. We just recognize that taxes hinder production, and reduced production means higher prices, and higher prices are what harms the poor the most.

          1. Fatty Bolger

            It’s a deliberately created misunderstanding. David Stockman linked supply side theory to “trickle down” economics (a term from the 1930’s) because he wanted to discredit it.

    2. This Machine

      Damn. Yeah, he’s in the running, but 2017 has had an exceptionally crowded field for the MOTY Award.

    3. Brett L

      I’m pretty sure Eugene Robinson has been disqualified by qualifying every year for several decades.

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        But they really like Him! I think He’s a Closet Republican Troll of the Highest Order

      2. Raven Nation

        Maybe the Veterans’ Committee will vote him in.

        1. *geriatric applause*

    4. kbolino

      it can be corrected by moving numbers around a spreadsheet

      If your economic model for the entire country can fit in a spreadsheet, then it’s not only hideously wrong, you’re a complete and total buffoon who doesn’t begin to understand what the field of economics is actually about.

      1. Brett L

        Maybe. I worked for a guy who had an extensive Excel workbook set that could make pretty reliable models of chemical manufacturing processes. Like, not that far off Aspen (although you did have to go out an manually find really good estimates for physical properties). You’d be surprised what people can make in a spreadsheet.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          Just ask Tatsuo Horiuchi

          1. egould310

            Wow. Thanks for linking.

          2. That is…fantastic!

        2. Number.6

          Modelling the Haber-Bosch process is a lot easier than modelling a national economy.

          1. Brett L

            To the point that a national economy is some sort of determinate process one can model with any precision in the first place, I would be willing to bet that an interested individual could model such in Excel 2016 with only one order of decimal of precision loss.

          2. egould310

            There are some hedge fund guys that seem to do okay with modeling the economy in Excel.

          3. Number.6

            I built (successful) futures models for a hedge fund in the late 90’s. But you’re only talking about instruments that have precise data available.

            Modelling the whole economy is possibly more complex than modelling climate change, and we know how easy THAT is. (although, I have to say, Long Term Capital Management probably stole UEA’s data and models)

        3. kbolino

          I’ve seen some amazing things done in spreadsheets, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are financial analysts who can make okay short-term predictions with spreadsheet models, but the whole economy is far too complex, and the interactions between established variables and policy changes too abstract, for a spreadsheet to model.

          1. egould310

            Yeah. Those spreadsheets are good for short term buy/sell decisions. Even then, there are only 4 or 5 variables. Beyond that is just a waste of time and effort.

            What would be interesting would be an index of those spreadsheets. Of course, that’s known as “the market”.

    5. invisible finger

      Trickle-down economics doesn’t work, Therefore you should instead give more money to the entity with the most money on the planet.

  26. R C Dean

    Think you can pick a particular Glib out of a lineup?

    Probably wouldn’t be the first time they had been picked out of a lineup.

    1. SP

      I was wondering when someone would notice that.

  27. Mad Scientist

    Usually the line is a in front of a firing squad.

  28. Drake

    Who’s baby picture is on today’s morning links?

    1. Mad Scientist

      John’s

  29. Creosote Achilles

    President Hillary

    Our local alternative rag lets one of the food reviewers lose to pen an article about how Hillary could become President. The article is hilarious in its inept understanding of how things work. If it weren’t Portland I’d think it was a parody.

    1. R C Dean

      That’s hilarious.

      Step 1: “If special prosecutor Robert Mueller can present probable cause that Donald J. Trump engaged in treason, he’ll need to be arrested. To avert a Constitutional crisis, the wise move is to spirit him away to Guantanamo Bay.”

      It doesn’t get any smarter, with such tidbits as “Win control of the Senate, for Bernie. This is important because of fucking Bernie—Bernie has to become the President pro tempore of the Senate, and therefore fourth in line of presidential succession, or the whole thing falls apart.”

      1. R C Dean

        I also love how step 2 involves Hillary passing out favors to Dem Representatives. Nope, nothing wrong with building a non-electoral path the the Presidency by bribing Congressholes.

        1. Drake

          I believe that is called a “coup d’état” and they generally require a fair amount of violence. Failed leaders are usually strung up in short order.

      2. mexican sharpshooter

        Yeah, don’t you have to be the longest serving member of the Senate to have that seat? They’d have to convince a few others to leave for this to happen.

      3. Nephilium

        Of course the Democrats would select a non-party member to lead the Senate.

        /refuses to read the article

    2. Yusef drives a Kia

      And He’s Fucking Evil, wow

    3. mexican sharpshooter

      If I were being generous, I would assume he was high when he wrote this.

    4. The Other Kevin

      Step 1. Just take a fairly elected president of the US and secretly move him to Guantanamo Bay. I’m sure all the people who voted for him will be like, “Shucks, you’re right! He really was a crooked fella!” and just let it go.

      1. Viking1865

        “I’m sure all the people who voted for him will be like, “Shucks, you’re right! He really was a crooked fella!” and just let it go.”

        There’s about 2 million Trump voters in VA and MD. How many of them, on a percentage basis, would attend an impeachment hearing “fully dressed”?

    5. mexican sharpshooter

      From the comments:

      Andrew Brown • 7 days ago
      This author needs help – and perhaps a secure psychiatric facility at which to get the help.</blockquote

    6. The Other Kevin

      I will give this guy credit, he is actually thinking of proper channels to some degree, instead of claiming that the election was invalid and the first runner-up gets the job.

      Another point – there has been some talk lately about how Pence has always tried to distance himself from Trump from day one. And his name has never come up in any investigation.

    7. R C Dean

      The comments are pretty brutal.

      Hillary has a better chance of winning the Miss Universe Competition than she does of ever becoming president.

      A comment or two half-heartedly claims the piece is satire.

    8. Juvenile Bluster

      “Straightforward from here”, but somehow dumber.

    9. thepasswordispassword

      “Aunt Sam” is possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Would you prefer he refer to the government as “Uncle Sugar?”

        1. thepasswordispassword

          Considering the context was handing out a French Ambassadorship as a favor for making a coup happen he probably does. I’m seriously wondering if the author even understands the simple U.S. -> Uncle Sam relationship. Highly doubt they even know about the other national personification in Lady Columbia.

    10. Brett L

      I assume that everyone who supports this kind of shit has never actually studied the French Revolution.

    11. Chipwooder

      Dude doesn’t even make it through one sentence before saying something utterly preposterous – in the very first clause of the very first sentence, we get this gem:

      Instead of serving as the best president this country ever had

      1. tarran

        I dunno. Hillary is ubelievably incompetent as well as venal.

        Based on her successes in health care policy, the arab spring etc, her presidency would end with Washington in flames, the U.S broken up into several countries and her corpse hanging upside down from a gas station sign.

        Net plus for liberty IMHO.

        1. Psycho Effer

          That outcome may have been inevitable.

    12. This is great. The more they keep looking back and engaging in childish wish fulfillment, the less prepared any of them are to mount a serious challenge to Trump.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    So the thing I always hear is “trick down economics have been ‘proven wrong’”. Which seems doubtful. It’s impossible for money in rich pockets to never flow into any poor pockets.

    To be honest, proving any economic theorem to be definitively right or definitively wrong is probably impossible.

    Another thing the geniuses get wrong: a “luxury tax” doesn’t hurt the dreaded *rich people* nearly as much as it hurts those who provide luxurious goods and services to rich people. Like all those boat builders put out of work by the luxury yacht tax.

    But- eggs must become omelettes.

  31. SP

    Baby Swiss

    Swiss wanted to use this photo, but I thought it was too easy.

    1. Also, what’s with these damn SEVEN Ounce packages of cheese that have cropped up lately? All my recipes work in 4 ounce increments, and I don’t want to go up to 28 ounces!

      1. Brett L

        10 hot dogs, 8 buns. Same principle.

        1. But they used to be sold in eight ounce packs – hense the reason th recipes got calibrated to that ratio

          1. Yusef drives a Kia

            Seen a Half Gallon of Ice Cream lately?

          2. Yes.

            Admittedly it wasn’t all of the larger boxes.

          3. Nephilium

            It’s because people are price sensitive, but generally don’t pay attention to the packaging labels. So the package stays the same price (and usually size), but you get less. This way the companies don’t need to raise the price as the cost of materials goes up.

          4. mexican sharpshooter

            They notice when bags of chips are filled mostly with air.

          5. There’s a point of diminishing returns before the customers start to go “what the hell?” en masse.

          6. CPRM

            that’s when you slightly raise the amount offered, and say now with x% more free! and people clamor for it.

      2. SP

        Use a scale when cooking/baking and only use what you need?

        1. But I’m Lazy! When it’s pre-measured, I don’t have to do that.

          1. Tundra

            Go to the deli. Ask the nice person behind the counter for 4 ounces, wrapped.

          2. Talk… to… humans?

            Does not compute.

          3. Nephilium

            If it helps, several of the supermarkets near me allow you to place deli orders online, and then go pick up the items. Less human contact, faster service.

    2. Mad Scientist

      Awww, look how small baby Swiss’s holes were. OMWC approved!

      1. *thunderous applause*

      2. Caput Lupinum

        STEVE SMITH WIDEN HOLES, MAKE SWISS A MAN. BY WIDEN HOLES, MEAN RAPE.

    3. R C Dean

      I thought Swiss was officer. The non-com title might have been a clever misdirection.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        I believe he was raised up from brutality to not work as an Officer, and a Gentleman (by act of Congress).

      2. I actually made E-5, before I got a commission.

        1. Number.6

          You know who else ‘made’ a few E-5s?

          1. His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Alhaji Dr. Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, CBE?

          2. Baktoid Armor Workshop?

          3. Conor Gillaspie?

          4. Number.6

            Bravo at rising to the challenge. I’ve been trying to track down some obscure DDs of NCOs for sexual assault and came up blank.

            I guess it’s this cone of silence the DoD has that also stops them from ratting on dischargees to the BATF.

            Don’t let the sheep know when the sheepdogs have been naughty.

    4. RAHeinlein

      I didn’t know Swiss was Italian?

      1. Nephilium

        Maybe his handle got Anglicized from Swiss Servatori?

      2. Part of Switzerland is Italian-ish (and always mocked by the German and French parts).

        1. thepasswordispassword

          Helvetia is just a no mans land between the Kingdoms of , Italy and Germany full of ancient fiefdoms that banded together rather than submit to literal Imperialism. Bunch of tax dodging scofflaws.

          1. Nephilium

            So… our kind of people?

          2. Indeed. Proschtli!

          3. egould310

            Proscht!

          4. Nephilium

            At some point I should try to validate the rumor (told to me by my father) that our relatives in Switzerland own a distillery.

          5. Number.6

            Libertopia!

          6. Tundra

            *books flight*

          7. thepasswordispassword

            ” ,” was meant to be France. (The country that later successfully invaded and turned Switzerland into a puppet state.)

  32. mexican sharpshooter

    I was going to send you all a link to a Guns.com article, but apparently that is verboten by IT (weapons, really?). So I’ll just tell you: Springfield announced they are selling the M1A in 6.5 Creedmore. I am sure somebody will buy it but that person is not me.

    That is all.

    1. Number.6

      I was going to post this.

      Tits on a boar, even though the caliber is cool, wtf would you put it in a semi-auto battle rifle for?

      1. Brett L

        Javalina hunting?

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          For hog hunting, the porkier the, round the better.

          1. Brett L

            Swiss!
            Ah, I actually see that I am part of the pun chain because “tits on a boar” now I hate me.

          2. now I hate me.

            As well you should.

            *narrows gaze*

      2. mexican sharpshooter

        Reduced recoil? But that’s a big maybe.

        1. Number.6

          I’m old as dirt, but I tend to believe that if a 308 won’t do it, man’s gonna need a 50.

          I might be being ignorant here, but I always got the impression the Creedmore was a Long Range target round, more than a ‘where’s my lunch’ round. IIRC the ballistics are similar out to about 500 yards and then the Creedmore starts looking a lot flatter. Recoil looks comparable. and in an 11lb battle rifle, I doubt anyone’s gonna value the improvement.

          OK. I’ll STFU now, and leave it to Suthen and the Kentucky Windage kids.

          1. If I have to shoot something 500 yards +….I am yelling for an M240B or Ma Deuce.

          2. Drake

            You could just yell for a Marine.

          3. Number.6

            Too busy dancing with the Navy guys.

          4. I want it hit and put down.

            *ducks*

          5. Throwing a marine won’t do any good, it’ll just give away Switzy’s position when he starts cussing in the street.

          6. Gustave Lytton

            +1 ANGLICO

          7. Gustave Lytton

            Well if the Navy still rostered 16″ guns.

          8. When I was a young, enlisted infantry dude, the USS Iowa was still in service. The Vietnam vets all just said “call two digit grid squares and get the hell out…they blow up square kilometers with those 16″ guns”

    2. Mr Lizard

      True story you can catch me in the comments on that article

    3. Drake

      I would consider it – if I lived in a free state.

      Long range target shooting, maybe hunting, maybe the next civil war.

    4. thepasswordispassword

      The type of people who like M14s are probably the type who also like 6.5 Creedmore and 10mm so seems like a good way for Springfield to make some extra money. Were they forgiven for the kerfuffle over the IL gun bill?

      1. No. Never to forgive. Never to forget.

      2. Psycho Effer

        My brother bought a 10mm S&W back in the day so that he could pretend to be Sonny Crocket. What a douche.

      3. Number.6

        I’m an M14-liker. I don’t see much point in Creedmore ‘cos I wouldn’t use an M14 for that kind of shooting unless I was going out to Ft. Perry (which I ain’t).

        And no, Springfield haven’t been forgotten and won’t be forgiven.

        When I get a 10 it’ll be a Bren 10, or a normal CZ.

        I’m a proud CZ fanboi.

    5. RegicidalManiac

      I always thought that 6.5 was for long range, very accurate shooting. Wouldn’t have thought the M1A was accurate enough to take advantage of that round.

      1. Number.6

        It’s very accurate, if you get their Loaded or a full competition grade model, when compared to other semi auto rifles. Can’t hold a candle to a good bolt action of course.

      2. thepasswordispassword

        M39 vs SR-25 bible fight time?

  33. Psycho Effer

    Those look like the white people of babies.

    1. Number.6

      Retarded-er by having it inked over. Laser removal and cosmetics for a few years.

    2. Private Chipperbot

      The sidebar story, “Man had sex with dead girlfriend in hopes of waking her up” looks intriguing…

      1. He has a pretty high opinion of his own prowess.

    3. Tundra

      Not ‘Boner Garage’? I was a little disappointed.

      1. “Hot Beef Injection”

  34. The Zenome Project

    Today’s Ben Shapiro stream was super-interesting. On the bottom of the episode description, he had written “Republicans defend their worst people”, most definitely in reference to folks on the nu-Right defending Roy Moore. Then the breaking news came, which gave considerable amounts of credibility to Moore that he didn’t have yesterday, and he then proceeded to scramble and think through about why people like me (who’s not exactly the biggest fan of uber-SoCons like him) were questioning the veracity of the accusers. This is why it is not a good thing to people like him to assume that everybody is guilty without evidence, but of course if he didn’t do this he wouldn’t be allowed to speak at UC Berkeley or drink cocktails with the National Review crowd.

  35. trshmnstr

    I have to admit, I saw the story photo for this article without context in the media list, and I was heartily confused. I’m quite thankful this was the article to go with that Pic.

  36. Trials and Trippelations

    A Sloopy
    B Jesse
    C Banjos
    D Steve Smith
    E SP
    F webdominatrix
    G Riven
    H Swiss
    I OMWC
    J Brett
    K Playa

    1. Trials and Trippelations

      Switching two answers
      H OMWC
      I Swiss

      1. SP

        Noted!

  37. DOOMco

    I have no fucking clue.

    1. SP

      You can’t even try? Sheesh.

      1. DOOMco

        being wrong is worse! what if I think your daughter is your husband and Sloopy is Riven?

        1. SP

          Maybe Sloopy IS Riven! Have they ever been seen in the same place at the same time?

          1. DOOMco

            You know, now that you mention it…

  38. Yusef drives a Kia

    Sloopy;
    Riven;
    webdominatrix;
    OMWC;
    STEVE SMITH
    Warty;
    Swiss;
    Banjos;
    SugarFree; ;
    jesse.in.mb;
    Playa Manhattan;
    Mad Scientist;
    SP;
    Brett L.

  39. RAHeinlein

    A – Sloopy
    B – Sugarfree
    C – SP
    D – Riven
    E – Banjos
    F – Swiss
    G – Webdominatrix
    H – OMWC
    I – Jesse
    J –Warty
    K – Playa

  40. DOOMco

    Sloopy-J
    OMWC-H
    Riven-G
    Swiss-E
    webdominatrix-I
    jesse.in.mb-B
    Playa Manhattan-
    Banjos-K
    Mad Scientist-A
    SP-C
    Brett L.-D

    this is way too hard.

    1. SP

      Well, this shows what an outside-the-list thinker you are, going by names instead of by the photo letter order!

      1. DOOMco

        I thought there might be something to the strategy going in.
        I don’t think it helped me much.

  41. DOOMco

    I can’t believe my strategy kinda worked!
    Thanks SP for goading me into playing.

    1. SP

      Thanks for playing!

  42. Tundra

    Woohooo! Thanks, SP! Fun game!

    1. SP

      Thanks for playing, Tundra. When we meet you, you will have to explain how you knew the baby photos of my family!