It’s a beautiful crisp fall day out, so instead of getting exercise and fresh air, you should try to maintain your pallor and paunch by staying in and commenting on these gems of news stories.

First up, a claque of civil servants, rent seekers, and true believers issued a “scientific” report confirming that Global Warming is HUGE and totally the fault of humans. Of course, they expected to have it suppressed, and seemed somewhat disappointed that this didn’t happen. It’s tough to prepare for martyrhood and then the vest-bomb turns out to be a dud. Now, how can we know that the report is bullshit?

“This new report simply confirms what we already knew. Human-caused climate change isn’t just a theory, it’s reality,” said Michael E. Mann, a professor of atmospheric science at Pennsylvania State University. “Whether we’re talking about unprecedented heat waves, increasingly destructive hurricanes, epic drought and inundation of our coastal cities, the impacts of climate change are no longer subtle. They are upon us. That’s the consensus of our best scientists, as laid bare by this latest report.”

There you go. Michael Mann confirms it. And also demonstrates that he doesn’t know the difference between a hypothesis and a theory. Someone gave him a Ph.D.? I actually read this trainwreck, and it boils (pun!) down to a combination of selective data picking and argumentum ad ignorantiam. Just what we expect from our government.

In sports news, when Draymond Green isn’t busy kicking other players in the nuts, he’s showing off his remarkable ignorance, feigning indignation that the owners of teams are called… owners. Here’s a delightful takedown by Mark Cuban, who every now and then actually says something coherent.

“Draymond can trash-talk on the court, but when he comes into our world, it doesn’t fly. … I guess it’s because he went to Michigan State and didn’t take any business classes, but you own equity. When you own a team, you own equity, shares of stock. That’s called ownership. Tell him if he wants to take classes at Indiana’s business school, I’ll even pay for his classes and we’ll help him learn that stuff.”

Ouch, that’s gonna leave a mark.

Speaking of which, the owner of Papa John’s continues to maintain that the drop in sales is due to NFL player protests, and that he may pull his sponsorship. The idea that his product sucks doesn’t enter into his calculus. But hey, if this means less of that annoying doofus Peyton Manning on TV (he rivals Hillary in his refusal to go away), I’m all for it.

With the House GOP tax “reform” proposal out, the lobbying begins. I have to declare a conflict-of-interest: this proposal will nearly double my federal tax burden. Given who’s lobbying, that part is likely to stay and the parts with actual campaign money behind the opposition will go. Ah, politics. Well, I understand that cardboard boxes make great shelter, so I’m already shopping for one.

And the obligatory Old Guys Music. This was punk long before punk, and truly one of the best American bands that birthed modern rock. They’re not unknown, but should be known much better than they are. Roky was a god.