STEVE SMITH THANK COUSIN SEA SMITH FOR TAKING LINKS YESTERDAY. STEVE SMITH ALL CAUGHT UP ON CAMPER RAPE…HAD BEEN FALLING BEHIND ON THAT CATEGORY, PUTTING PERFORMANCE MANAGEMENT PLAN IN PERIL. NOW LOOK LIKE GOING TO MAKE YEAR END GOALS! SO STEVE SMITH HAVE TIME TO GIVE LINKS TO FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE, TOO!
- STEVE SMITH WONDER IF E.COLI CAN BE CAUGHT FROM AN APP?
- CURFEW? STEVE SMITH LAUGHS AT CURFEWS.
- HA HA, ENGLAND RUN OUT OF GRIT?!
- IT TIME FOR STEVE SMITH TO OFFER SERVICES. NOT ASK SO MUCH MONEY, JUST A BIT EXTRA RAPE.
STEVE SMITH HOPE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE HAVE GOOD NIGHT!
Comments
201 responses to “STEVE SMITH’S SUNDAY EVENING LINKS”
STEVE SMITH WONDER IF E.COLI CAN BE CAUGHT FROM AN APP?
Poor Playa.
I think that will make Playa laugh – he is notorious for shorting Chipotle.
I misread this the first time and thought Playa was notorious for snorting Chipotle. 😮
That too.
I thought it said Eloi,
same difference to STEVE SMITH, ALL RAPE SNACK
ALL THE WORLD RAPE BUFFET FOR STEVE SMITH!
Dumb Donald is mad at the Cameroon Government.
The answer is always “bazooms”.
STEVE SMITH WONDER IF E.COLI CAN BE CAUGHT FROM AN APP?
Not sure about that, but the McD’s app will be giving me a $1 Big Mac tomorrow after the Broncos lose tonight. The best things about tonight’s game is it is on NBC which I don’t get, and a big mac tomorrow.
As the only one here who actually likes Chipotle (well, liked – haven’t been in years since my job was exported to the food desert of Jersey City), I appreciate any steps they take to ensure fewer customers in the store.
Do you have some sort of fancy genetic mutation that keeps you from getting the diarrhea from there?
Yes? I have never had that problem.
I’ve never had it either. I might run a test tomorrow to see if I still don’t have that problem.
If you ran on food instead of a nutrient rich paste, you may be able to process it better.
I’ve never had an issue with Chipotle, my biggest complaint is that they refuse to add anything that actually qualifies as spicy to the menu.
Out of curiosity, what specifically? I’m somewhere between “Minnesota” and “average American” on the spice scale. I like “medium” salsa. Hate most peppers and “hot” salsa.
I’d qualify anything habanero and up as spicy. All of Chipotle’s competitors in my area (Moe’s, Qdoba, and Hothead) have things at that level or hotter. I just wish Moe’s didn’t give you the chips with anything you order, I really don’t need to eat two helpings of tortilla chips, but if you put them in front of me…
Yeah, no thanks. I don’t enjoy the sensation of my mouth on fire.
I’m just looking for the option, not trying to force it on anyone. My heat tolerance has led to some arguments at Indian and Chinese restaurants however.
But of course.
I recently ordered the lowest of three spice levels at a Thai food truck and they gave me the highest. It was inedible. What kind of mutant freak can eat that?!
/cautiously raises hand
I’m living in an area that’s slowly building up a reputation as “little India”, and one of the local Indian restaurants hottest level is just at my threshold for too hot to eat. It’s just another sign that at some point we’ll get to hear politicians talk about the capsaicin epidemic.
Gotta be a genetic component.
How swarthy are you? I’m pasty and descend from gingers.
You’d be hard pressed to get paler then me. My genetic stock is Irish, Scottish, German Swiss, and Eastern European. I’m pale enough that when I was younger, after a day of swimming in the public pool, I managed to get sunburn on the bottom of my feet.
Wanting the option is understandable, wanting to deceptively underlabel isn’t. On my heat scale, anything “Spicy” prompting an external physiological response deserves an “Extra” or other qualifier to denote that fact. Really, I’m not sure if “Spicy” is even very expressive in a scale format, like it’s more qualitative than quantitative.
Mild: no heat
Medium: just a tingle
Hot: you get a nice constant burn after a few bites
Extra Hot: sweating
Atomic: expelling moisture from everywhere, reddening, dont-touch-your-junk hot
Or just list the Scoville units.
I am not sure all this heat talk has to do with skin pigmentation but more to conditioning and upbringing. When I was a ute I was a blonde/redheaded scrawny little fucker but we ate spicy food because that is what you eat here. Mexican food is as part of our culture as it is in Mexico. It is a mix of cultures, (god bless america) but it is still some spicy stuff. I have a very high tolerance for spicy and most things I cook are on the hot side. I have however had Thai street food that put me on my heels. I had to add it to a bunch of rice to make it edible for me. Thai chilis are another level of hot.
Oh I’m sure you’re right. You have to build a tolerance to that stuff. It was definitely not part of my upbringing.
I also like Chipotle. It’s not amazing or anything, but if you want to grab something reasonably healthy when you’re out and about it’s a pretty good option.
I thought it made blood come out of your ass.
His family has lifetime health insurance. It is called Medicaid. He just has to spend the hundreds of millions he already has to qualify.
Serious note, if he can negotiate that good on him. That is a ridiculous amount of money. Now if we can stop cities from subsidizing that league with stadiums I would be happy. Maybe not happy, but less pissed off anyway.
Lifetime use of private jet.
Someone can’t get used to going back and face the TSA!
With his salary, can’t he just buy himself a jet?
lifetime demands on any contract seems absurd to me. What the hell does he think he is? Crowned Prince of the NFL?
But the NFL is flourishing under his leadership!
Apparently he thinks he is Jerry Jones.
Yeah, until this stops I am not going to feel any qualms complaining about the ridiculous money all around – players, coaches, etc.
+1 yep
HA HA, ENGLAND RUN OUT OF GRIT?!
Lots of global warming in those pictures.
Ya, that story confused me. It never gets cold in England? I have only been there in the summer and it wasn’t warm then.
Gulf Stream, dude. Europe doesn’t get as cold as the US at similar latitudes. Like England is at the same latitude of Quebec.
Ha! Private jets don’t affect continental weather.
It gets to be like a nasty wet November day in New England. Like 38 degrees and drizzling. That was my experience there in the winter. No deep freeze or big blizzards even though the sun goes down at about 2 pm.
Laugh all you want, but if this were an unseasonably warm November in England, the global warming bs would be broadcast on every major media outlet.
Dated, but apropos given the Cameroonian article:
Riding in a Cameroonian beer truck
At 2 p.m. on a Thursday in October 2002, I was to join 1,600 crates of stout on board a big truck bound for Bertoua, a small town in Cameroon’s south-eastern jungle.
As the crow flies, this is about 500 kilometers — as far as from London to Edinburgh, or New York to Pittsburgh. The journey was supposed to take 18 hours, including an overnight rest stop.
It took four days — and when the truck arrived it was carrying only two thirds of its original load.
That sounds like every fuel tanker and supply truck that showed up at our base in Afghanistan.
That is good. What fun Cameroon is.
That happened to me once but I do not remember what country I was in. I said, “Well I am not the one who stamped it there. What am I supposed to do about that?”
I worked in that fine country twice. Both times in the south west. Nigerian beer was readily available so they were both good jobs.
Indeed.
What language is that on the Cameroon link? It looks like how you would write the words of someone with a speech impediment.
Nigerian Pidgin. When the BBC first launched the site, posting links there was a thing.
Well, I just think it’s racist, making fun of how those poor people talk. And if we aren’t careful DeVos will have us all talking in that ebonics in a few years
Let the snood wars begin again!
What? The gaiter necks?
The snood usage in English soccer was a minor controversy during a recent cold winter, including Alex Ferguson banning it from his players because it looked so ridiculous (not to mention it’s not an permissable part of the uniform).
Yes, because it makes so much sense to play on open fields in the winter wearing shorts and t-shirts.
When you’re constantly running around you’re fine. And it wasn’t even below freezing.
I always thought a snood was worn over the hair.
I had never heard the word until that year in the EPL. That’s the word they used. *shrug*
Snood? I have never heard of that. If they had class they would just wear a dickie like cousin Eddie wears.
“Class”? Good one.
It’s cute watching the Cowboys in a hurry up offense down 20. And now they lost the ball.
Fly Eagles Fly!
But they’re down their best LT! And RB! And MLB! And Kicker! No other team in the NFL could still play well missing all that!
I do wonder how far they can take it without a starting LT and Sproles who was a demon on special teams.
I think Big V is fine as a starting LT. He’s obviously not as good as JP, but nobody is. He’s pretty good in the pass block (less so as a run blocker, though Ajayi and Blount looked good last week). Barner’s looked pretty good in the return game — again, not as good as Sproles, but pretty good in his own right. My biggest worry is Hicks being out, especially if we suffer any more injuries at the LB spot.
I mean, what you want out of your backups is “average”. If you can get that you’re generally okay. We’ve gotten a little better than average from Big V and from Barner and from Elliott. Cowboys… well, you saw what happened to them at LT this week.
Yes, and the Eagles have generally been strong on depth from an organizational standpoint but there’s a real chance they can reach the SB and ‘average’ won’t cut it.
With Hicks, Peters and Sproles in the lune up they could have even arguably won it.
I was at an event today with Ted Lieu. I didn’t call him a stupid partisan hack to his face, but I really really wanted to.
You should have. It would have felt good.
So what did you do…
*dons shades*
…in Lieu of that?
Always reminds me of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwP4h3qFYZE
Didn’t know who he was. Looked him up – represents about the bluest district imaginable. He thought walking out on a moment of silence in Congress for the victims of the Texas church shooting was totes cool.
http://www.latimes.com/politics/essential/la-pol-ca-essential-politics-updates-rep-ted-lieu-says-he-won-t-participate-1510087624-htmlstory.html
So brave and woke.
A prog incapable of silence. Shocking.
That is the asshole? He gets the annual congressional uber asshole award as far as I am concerned.
Yes, the blueness would be why I’m here anonymously. 🙂
and he’s AWFUL. Though thankfully not quite the media whore Adam Schiff is (our other local Team Blue hack, represents Burbank).
You’re not “represented” by Chuck Schumer.
http://imgur.com/2zoaIKl
How much do you like kids?
Jimmy Savile?
It’s not beer, but it’s almost as good… the top 10 selling cocktails of the year. The article has the top 50, but who cares about the loser drinks?
I’m slowly reading through a stack of periodicals. I’m reading a few months old issue of Reason, and Suderman has an article on cocktails. I thought to myself as I read the article, “This is world class trolling”. It was also a good article.
I recently read that article as well, and the recipes weren’t terrible versions of the cocktails. And to think that we have prohibition to thank for most of our cocktail recipes today.
It’s time we talk about Apu.. Sanford and Sons next?
Oh FFS. Citation fucking needed.
I can’t speak for, oh, the last decade and a half of the Simpsons, but most of the jokes in regards to Apu are either:
1. Jokes about convenience store employees getting shot.
2. Apu providing and/or manipulating Americans into buying shitty or expired food.
3. Apu playing straight man to whatever dumb shit Homer is up to.
I mean, we’re clearly laughing at Apu in this scene.
You assume Millennials have any goddamn idea what Sanford and Sons is.
No one tells them until I have a corner on the market for fainting couches and smelling salts.
Can you wait until I corner the ripple market?
Champipple.
You fellas got my back don’t you when they find out about me.
So is Friends an insensitive portrayal of white people, or is Raising Hope insensitive? Or is the problem that white people were portrayed at all?
“Friends” is ‘problematic’ because it’s too white.
Unfortunately for SJWs, the writing and acting is too good for people to stop enjoying it. “I watch it, but I feel bad about it.” ‘K.
People watch it because of tight shirts and nipples ?
Exactly.
Is Apu Indian or Pakistani? I need to know what national identity is being violated here to feel properly outraged by the violation. They all look the same to me.
He’s Indian.
Like dot, or like How
Call center not casino.
I know he is Indian. I was making a poor stereotype joke. Am I the only one who gets my jokes? If so, you people are missing out because they are hilarious.
Not on your life my Hindoo friend.
There are 700 million of us.
Aw, that’s special.
/Rev. Lovejoy
I remember watching reruns of “Sanford and Son” when I was a kid. I remember thinking it was funny.
It’s the big one!
It was funny
And very un-pc. When Fred and Ester went at, there were no rules.
Best Nelson laugh:
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-11-12/chaos-detroit-undercover-cops-battle-each-other-sting-operation-gone-wrong
What do you mean all hell broke out – there isn’t even a body count!
Seriously. Ours nearly sent a cop to the morgue.
I wish they would have all shot each other.
Imagine if it had been a biker gang sting in Waco.
Right?! Did we ever figure out went on with that shit?
Dear STEVE SMITH,
You may see me in the woods this week. I will be armed and intend to fire on anything with brown fur. Please govern yourself accordingly.
Ta.
C. Pioneer
STEVE SMITH LIKE WHEN PREY PLAY HARD TO GET. FIREARMS GOOD FOREPLAY, GIVES ILLUSION OF HOPE.
Jesse hardest hit.
Ive been trying to make an effort to comment more after lurking here and the other site since 2006ish. I’m finding it difficult to keep track of my comments and responses. Other forums I frequent notify me when my comments/threads have activity. Any suggestions? I’m usually on an iPhone, sometimes a Mac running safari.
Quite a few people use Monocle, I just stick with reading the whole thread and then going back and commenting.
Monocle is good for catching new posts but there’s no easy way to see responses just to you other than using the browser’s Find function.
I use the search feature on my browser refresh and search my name every so often.
Obviously didn’t refresh my browser from earlier didn’t see all the replies derp!
I visited my parents today. My 70 year old dad now has a smart phone. My mom (also old) has had one for several years. I still refuse to get one…I must be one of the last 6 hold outs.
Don’t feel bad, I have a friend who still has a tube TV and a flip phone. I’m willing to bet that his children get a smart phone before he does.
You’ll missing out on being unproductive on the go, instead of unproductive at your computer!
I’ve almost lost my rope with zombie phone assholes not looking where they’re walking as they’re conducting their oh-so important business “on the go”. I’m considering shoulder tackles.
I have a smartphone, but the only time I’d use it when I’m walking is if I want to stop to take a picture of something.
Same here. I could understand if it was only now and then but I swear I’m dodging dozens of these idiots every day just during a few minutes of walking through a train station and my office building.
I’ve been yelled at by zombie phone users who’ve walked into me like it was my fault. Next time, if I see them coming, they might just get tripped or the phone knocked out of their hand when they bump into me.
I’m generally looking at my smartwatch and not my phone. Does that carry with it more or less hatred?
I dunno. I’ve never seen anyone do that. But if you’re walking at half speed and meandering, look out.
My dad’s in his sixties and he just recently got a smartphone. He keeps somehow hanging up every time he tries to answer it.
You can’t take the hint that he doesn’t want to talk to you when you call?
See, I’d accept that answer if I actually called him regularly and he didn’t hang up on my mom multiple times in an emergency.
I have the same flip phone I bough 5 years ago.
From my cold. dead. hands.
[Nokia ring]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7kLNJWTDYA
Nope – I have no cell phone at all since leaving corporate 10-years ago.
I have only one email account. Had to create it to submit stuff to Glibs.
I just have a flip phone. Since I’m on my computer a lot, I don’t need a phone that connects to the internet (although the flip phone does, just very crudely). My wife has one, but she’s in county government and uses it a lot to stay in touch with the office.
That’s me now, I kind of like it
I only have a flipfone, so the government can’t read my brainwaves! *adjusts tinfoil hat* But more seriously, I get a headache look at the screen of modern phones. And also, like laptops and tablets, when I’ve been in possession of such a device I find I really have no use for it. All the things I imagined I could do with it I didn’t. And it only served as a money suck and time waster. My flip phone gets better reception, costs me less (although now it’s impossible to get a plan without data, even though I don’t use it) and doesn’t hurt my eyes.
Go Florida Man go!
At least he was on a fine piece of machinery. Snappers are the greatest lawnmowers ever made.
They must be; my dad is still using one that he bought before I was born (in ’87).
Sumerian proverbs are a hoot:
***
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s embrace.
***
http://oaks.nvg.org/sumer-proverbs.html
How many of those proverbs are euphemisms.
Some of those just sound like statements.
“Life is largely better than death”
Such wise.
“Ignoramuses are numerous in the palace.”
Ancient libertarians.
This is good
Seconded.
Justin is a punchline PM.
Lol
Fucking Awesome
Gad damn it. a fucking racoon jumped out in front of me on my way home from work tonight. nothing I could do to miss him.
http://imgur.com/8YUSFrk
But dinner, right?
My wife is bringing home some chinese so, maybe?
Fail. i expected his head mounted on your hood.
I havery some longhorn cattle in my pasture right now. I’m saving my hood for their horns when I decide to get rid of them.
That sucks. My wife hit a deer Thursday night — she’s not hurt, but it will cost $2400 to repair the damage. Fortunately, she has a high vehicle, so the deer didn’t fly up onto the hood and/or windshield. It wasn’t hurt too badly, apparently, since it left the scene.
It’s been a surreal afternoon/evening and I’ve been officially grounded by my doctor. My work ethic has pushed me to my literal breaking point, as I was thissss close to being hospitalized tonight and given a blood transfusion. ? I’m on an aggressive plan to heal my body as we seek more answers and do more testing over the next week, but rest and recharge are in order for now! On a brighter note, my doctor said I have the best cholesterol levels she has ever seen in her 40 years of practicing internal medicine, so hit me up if you want some health coaching ? I’ve got lots of time now! I already miss the sky.
Thus is a post I just read on FB from a girl I went to high school with. She is big into vegan stuff and has some sort of side business where she sells supplements or advice or something on health. I’m not sure I want health coaching from a 30 yearold women who is in great shape that almost had to have a blood transfusion.
We have a group of vegetarians in my workplace. They went full retard almost immediately. With signs saying: “What part of the chicken is the nugget?” and getting upset when I would say it’s usually cut up breast meat.
Next you’ll tell me eating pork butt isn’t actually eating ass.
Get better soon.
Those orphans won’t whip themselves!
“My work ethic has pushed me to my literal breaking point, as I was thissss close to being hospitalized tonight and given a blood transfusion.”
I bet you she’s into all this ‘health and body’ is important stuff and then turns around and does the opposite.
She’s an airline stewardess. I have a hard time believing that handing out peanuts and telling people to put on their seatbelts has anything to do with her ill health.
wtf? So the woman almost put herself in the hospital and nearly needed a blood transfusion and then markets her advice in the same post? Is she an idiot or a genius? You decide.
She is extremely hot. I think that is most of her marketing pitch. Apparently it works.
link? I feel my cholesterol rising as I type this.
http://imgur.com/tPEMRTP
She’s a damn good looking woman
Ya, she is a genius. She looks super smart. I would buy anything she is selling actually. My cholesterol just spiked.
Looks like she’s in Italy if that Santa Croce water bottle is any indication.
^^Yep I thought the same thing. Scopriamo, bella! ?
I’m pretty sure I lost my wallet this weekend, along with most of the paycheck I’d just cashed. I can’t find it, in any event, even after tearing the house and car apart looking for it. Working theory: I dropped it on the street getting out of my car Friday night. So that’s a bummer.
That sucks. Any chance it gets turned in?
Given the area, little chance. Lots of transients coming through.
I had that happen before. Luckily I did get the wallet back with my driver’s license. My cash was gone though.
I lost my wallet once at a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show, actually got it back with all of the credit cards and cash.
Nice:)
Lost mine 3 times here. Got it back every time with all the cash inside.
Japs are good people.
My house was burgled one new year’s eve, I had jars full of change on my dresser and one jar with all of the ticket stubs from every concert I had been to. they took them all, and my camera, vcr, frozen lasagna, etc,etc… Two days later I got home from work and all the ticket stubs were in my mailbox. What kind of fucked up morality does one have to feel bad about stealing someones keepsakes but not kicking in his doors and taking all the rest of his stuff?
Yeesh. That’s a bit of a nightmare for me. In fact, a literal nightmare I had last week, with someone barging into my room while I was asleep and swiping my laptop.
I guess I should have made it clear that I wasn’t home, I was out New Year’s Eve’ing, stumbled home around 5 AM to find the place ransacked.
Are you sure it wasn’t you who did the ransacking. Drunk Lachowsky has done some pretty irrational shit.
Pretty sure, I spent the night in a futile attempt to Weinstien a young lady from Pittsburgh. I may have been ‘try to screw a Steelers fan’ drunk, but not ‘burgle your own home’ drunk.
I did that once. It was in the bowling ally arcade in 1981. I could use that $200 now. I feel your pain.
Damn you old bastard, that’s like 25k in 2017 dollars.
Right? That is like a down payment on a rental house to help fund my future retirement. I saw you mention you are buying land before. Buy homes young fella. Buy homes and rent them. You will retire before you are fifty.
My dad told me many moons ago,
“Land is the only thing they don’t make any more of”
Land rarely pays for itself and provides income. Either way you are smarter than me. I spent the majority of my money on hookers and booze and then wasted the rest.
There’s an old Chinese curse “May you have an interesting life”.
Open up the criminal history section for this guy. Was a US congressman representing the South side of Chicago 20 years ago.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Reynolds
Dear God,
Our better angels keep raping us. What should we do?
-Sore Ass in Chicago
It’s strange that I don’t really recognize the name. I would think with that history that I would know who he is.
Strange only if you think the media is objective.
Begun watching Detectorists on Hulu. It’s pretty oddball.
Pretty melancholy. Sedate humor. I’m enjoying it.
????
Kibbled Kristine,
The Smithsonian channel regularly plays a show a show called air disasters. It’s all about airplane crashes and what caused them. I like it. Im watching an episode right now. I know you have a thing for airplanes. It’s like slashporn for aerophiles.
This is starting to feel like I’m in the same support group as those people from David Cronenberg’s Crash.
I am dissapoint no one mentioned Chuck Pahlaniuck’s “Survivor”
I need libertarian interior decorating advice. I just moved into a new place and have my bedroom decked with a Whiskey Rebellion flag, a black-and-white Culpeper-ish “Liberty or Death” Gadsden, a standard yellow Gadsden, the “An Appeal to Heaven” pine tree flag (I’m an atheist, but I like mottoes on flags, and my off-the-top knowledge of this one in particular helped endear me to a girl a while back, so, uh, the Lord works in mysterious ways, or something), and the Arizona state flag.
I put up the current 50 stars flag, but I’m considering being cranky (the phrase “leviathan state” crossed my mind) and replacing it with a Betsy Ross, or maybe the first Navy jack. Alas, I only have room for one more flag if I’m going to fit in the other objets d’art (like my Hylas and the Nymphs print) and, you know, furniture.
Original Virginia flag?
I like it, but would prefer all confused questions arising from my flags to be of the nature of “that Tea Party flag? I had no idea you were a Republican” instead of my possible status as a Virginian.
I’ve actually only stepped foot in that state once, to visit Arlington and drive by the Pentagon during a middle school class trip. It was during the height of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, so I think it was a small nudge pushing me in a libertarian direction.
put up a flag depicting a Mexican having butt sex while smoking a joint. It should put the room together.
Next to it I’ll put my framed pictures of Will Wilkinson, Nick Gillespie, ENB, Rico Suave, and the rest of the usual suspects.
I fly an Autobot flag, “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings” The only time I will reference the Michael Bay abominations.
Razor fist is pissed, again
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4UwAPgaVWM
I don’t know how many people will see this tonight, but I’m giving anyone left firsties on it. Prologue part II of the Harvey Weinstein and Ted Nugent Story. I’ll repost it sometime in the AM links.
Prologue part II
INT–TED’S BEDROOM–NIGHT
TED is asleep in his giant elk shaped bed with his wife. Bows and guns adorn the walls the way ordinary people have pictures of family. Instead of a white noise machine ‘FRED BEAR’ plays on a quiet loop in the background. Ted’s phone buzzes with vibration, he sleepily grabs for it and silences. The buzzing continues. Ted sleepily answers the phone.
TED
What the fuck do you want?
INSIDE MAN (ON PHONE)
Have you seen the news?
TED
What fuckin news?
INSIDE MAN
Vegas.
TED
What about it? I don’t play there this year.
INSIDE MAN
The massacre.
Ted sits up and turns on the 72” TV in his bedroom shaped like a zebra. He flips to CNN. Wolf Blitzer’s fat face fills the screen.
WOLF (ON TV)
We can only assume this right wing terrorist acted alone. But to complete the picture I will now bring in unbiased reporting from Tangerine Sky on the ground in Las Vegas.
TANGARINE
That’s right wolf, this obvious act of right wing terrorism has left 75 dead. The Republican gunman used automatic weapons to pick off victims like Donald Trump sexually assaults women, by the dozens.
WOLF
Tangerine, how do we know it was an automatic weapon?
TANGERENE
Well Wolf, an automatic weapon is any gun that fires bullets.
WOLF
That’s a good explanation.
WOLF walks over to the interactive smart board in the CNN studio.
WOLF
As you can see here using our smart technology, a bullet fired from an automatic weapon instantly kills any person any where.
Wolf swipes the board and a graphic shows exactly what he said. TED’S jaw drops as he watches the coverage.
TED
What the fuck?
INSIDE MAN
I know the whole story. I’ll be in touch with a plan.
The inside man hangs up.
TED
What the fuck?
FADE OUT.