Oh boy, where to begin with this one. Forgive me for running long, but this film deserves the digital ink.
Let us start with this: if I were to receive some moderate sum of money, and be given complete creative control, House is the film that I would make. Please note that I am not necessarily saying this is a good thing.
House is unlike anything you’ve ever seen. It’s a big (by the standards of late 70s Japanese cinema) budget art-house experiment horror-but-maybe-not-kind-of-black-comedy. To properly understand this film, you must ingest consciousness-altering substances. Drop some acid, rip as much as you can out of a bong 10 times, eat some mushrooms, get drunk, whatever you have to do to open your mind to the higher mysteries – just do it.
Looking wistfully across the sea at the success of Jaws, in 1975 director Nobuhiko Obayashi was approached by Toho Films (makers of my favorite franchise, Godzilla) to produce a treatment for a summer thriller blockbuster. While only being a director of commercials, he was known as a creative eccentric who had produced films on the art-house circuit years before. Working with his friend Chiho Katsura, they quickly turned in a script for a haunted house film.
The gag was, Obayashi had gone to his 10-year-old daughter and asked her for ideas of what frightened her. So impressed by the creativeness of what scares a little girl, he decided to treat the entire picture as if it was from the perspective of a young girl. This meant the inclusion of nonsensical plot elements, shallow archetypes, purposefully hokey effects and animations, all tied together with traditional Japanese ghost story elements.
Toho green-lit the project and shopped the script for two years, but no director would touch it because they all thought it would ruin their careers. That’s how off the wall this film already was. Fearing that it would never be produced, Obayashi asked the studio if he could at least announce that it had been green-lit. They agreed, and the wild-haired filmmaker began a two-year media blitz to promote the film. He shot promo pictures with the cast, commissioned and released the soundtrack, and even had the film novelized and performed as a radio drama, all for a film that didn’t exist yet!
Eventually bowing to public pressure in 1977, Toho agreed to allow Obayashi to direct the film himself, even though he had only helmed commercials as a professional, and he wasn’t under contract with the studio (a highly unusual move for a Japanese studio to take at that time). His cast primarily consisted of a gaggle of 17-year-old girls who had been in his commercials previously.
Without giving away too many details of the plot, our heroines Fantasy, Gorgeous, Melody, Mac, Sweet, Prof, and Kung Fu are slowly consumed by the house, as personified by its evil avatar, a fluffy cat named Blanche. We have an attack by a severed head from a well, which bites one girl in the rear, then vomits blood and throws itself back down the well. We have attacks by chandeliers, attacks by flying log piles, attacks by mirrors, attacks by cannibalistic pianos, attacks by futons and linens, and attacks by telephones. By the end, the house has regenerated itself, showing shades of Burnt Offerings, which had come out in the United States the year before (if you get the chance to see it, Burnt Offerings is a passable haunted house film mostly notable for being mediocre despite a fantastic cast including Oliver Reed, Karen Black, Bette Davis, and even a few minutes of Burges Meredith playing, shockingly, a curmudgeonly old man).
The plot, though, is not the point of this film. This film is entirely focused on the telling, rather than the tale. The Austin Chronicle perhaps said it best, “there’s surprisingly little to recommend House as a film. But as an experience, well, that’s a whole other story.” We have scenes in which one character tells the others a story, which is shown as a sepia-tone film reel which the other girls can see and comment on. One girl describes a mushroom cloud as looking like cotton candy. There are animations, matte paintings, animals that are clearly being thrown at the actors from off screen, a man who mysteriously turns into a pile of bananas, and several scenes involving 17-year-old girl titties…sometimes disembodied and floating around.
Obayashi went on to a prolific film career, and eventually in 2009 earned the Order of the Badge of the Rising Sun for contributions to Japanese culture. However, he never managed to match the beautiful insanity of his first effort. The film was a hit in Japan, due to being a breath of fresh air in a completely stagnant industry (by this time, most Japanese directors were churning out Toro-san rip-offs or pinku eiga, which is softcore porn).
The Criterion Collection DVD has several excellent bonus features, including Obayashi’s 1966 experimental film Emotion, a lengthy interview with the director, and a retrospective by Ti West, director of House of the Devil. I had quite liked that film, but Mr. West comes across as somewhat of a smug film-school student spouting platitudes about “challenging the audience”.
To sum up, I cannot recommend this film highly enough – if you’re a person like me, who takes most of your personal philosophy concerning the nature of existence from the Joker. If you’re a Very Serious Person who likes to Seriously Discuss Very Serious Things, and have a silly hang-up by which you insist that your films follow a coherent narrative structure and conventional character arcs, then…have an adventure and watch it anyway. But get really fucking high or drunk first. It’s worth it.
I rate this film 8 drug-using dogs out of 10.
Comments
108 responses to “Reviews You’ll Never Use: House”
::Makes a note to watch this on Saturday evening::
Before or after Dude, Where’s My Car?
The first alcohol I ever consumed was Boone’s Farm. Someone said that’s like never seeing a movie before and then seeing “Dude, Where’s My Car?”
Nice rating system!
I’ll find it this weekend.
our heroines Fantasy, Gorgeous, Melody, Mac, Sweet, Prof, and Kung Fu
Best character names ever? I think so.
Yep. And the movie has that “thing” everyone seems to like about Japanese high school girls.
I watched this a year ago while recovering from surgery. Alas, I was on painkillers and couldn’t imbibe of my usual tasty craft beer.
Still, I found it to be a wild, funny, strange and enjoyable film. Hulu had much of the Criterion collection available for streaming. I got through a lot of cool movies. Good times.
A dick?
why did I click? Why god why?
Totally OT but fuck it:
My gf (who some of you will recall is black) had NEVER SEEN BLAZING SADDLES! I told her we have to watch it. When she asked why, I said ‘because it’s about a black guy who gets one over on every single honky he meets’. Needless to say, she loved the movie. Afterwards, she was like “Why the fuck didn’t my father have me watch this instead of ‘Amistad’ and ‘Malcom X’ a million fucking times!”
Hey your comment was still about a movie.
And a really good movie, at that. Mr. Riven had never seen it, either. Who are these people?
I don’t know but they got to my wife too. She’s never seen it either. And what’s worse is she walked in the room one time while I was watching it(fart scene) and now she refuses to even give it a chance.
A couple years ago I had movie night with my then-girlfriend and my brother. She’s black and wanted to watch Shaft (the Sammy J. remake, not the original). Had a rollicking good time of it until she went for drinks and I found her sobbing in the bedroom. Apparently she’d never heard the term blaxploitation, which I’d brought up earlier, and figured her boyfriend for a total bigot.
I guess you passed on “I’m gonna git you sucka”?
I wish I’d known cuz I think we’d have had fun with that one.
To her credit she knew and loved Blazing Saddles. Hadn’t seen Men in Tights though.
You know, there are two ways to get past that in a relationship.
+1 whistlin’
Wait a minute… so you dating her was not proof of your racial tolerance, but you watching a slightly off color (pun intended) movie proved you were racist? What the fuck.
She loved the movie, but when I described it as blaxploitation (which in fairness 2001 Shaft wasn’t, 2001 Shaft was a nostalgia cash-in, but 1971 is like one of the first google hits), she assumed I was making a hurtful remark. She’d just never heard the word. Which is fair, it’s not exactly common currency among millennials.
Man, fuck millennials.
Except you, commodious. You’re one of the “good ones.”
Some of them, I assume, are good people.
We’re invading your present from the future and somehow redefining your past.
“You got to bring ass to get ass.”
+1 TNT Jackson
I had a black girl call me a racist and misogynist and a bigot and stop talking to me permanently because I voted for trump. Nevermind the fact that I am basically common law married to a black girl, and I was friends with her for a year prior to this, no apparently my voting record is all she needed to hear.
It’s like paprika for progressives, you sprinkle that shit over every argument to make it better.
Wait until you bring up race movies.
Should have tried her on Putney Swope.
Given 8/10 rating, I assume that the villain never catbutts anyone in any manner? What a missed opportunity…
8 DRUG USING DOGS.
Get the system right, Pan.
You had me at titties
From the description, I’m assuming that’s the main attraction? Or maybe not if you follow the advice to take lots of different intoxicants in combo.
And I didn’t even read the alt-text until now.
Have you seen The Baby?
No, but it looks right up my alley. Thank you for the recommendation!
It’s not horror, but for absurdly WTF late-70s cinema, you could do worse than Abar: Black Superman.
Damn you’re full of great suggestions.
Without giving away too many details of the plot
I am not sure you should have worried yourself with that since you said we: must ingest consciousness-altering substances. Drop some acid, rip as much as you can out of a bong 10 times, eat some mushrooms, get drunk, whatever you have to do to open your mind to the higher mysteries – just do it.
If that advice is taken, I don’t think the review will be remembered.
There are glory holes in this film?
DOOMco knows what’s up.
if you’re a person, like me
Gojira looks around nervously at this, hoping that nobody would notice that he is not actually a person but a very large atomic lizard.
You see much, Mr. Jones…
TOO MUCH!
*BLAM*
*Dies in a protracted, gurgly, and–most importantly–cinematic manner*
*Stands to applause, pauses to wipe a tear from the eye, and continues applause*
OT: So people are freaking out about Trump cutting the National Endowment for the Arts.
Did you know that not-subsidizing something is the same as “suppressing” it? It’s true.
They’re also freaking out about him “axing Meals on Wheels” when in fact what he is doing is cutting some HUD block grants which contribute some unknown amount to the 3% of MoW’s operating budget that comes from any level of Government.
It is fundamentally impossible to take these people seriously when they claim to be fiscally responsible. Any cut in anything means the end of the world… and yet they dont’ understand why we don’t want to establish new spending….
I am not wild about Trump, but at least he seems to actually be serious about shrinking (parts of) the Federal Leviathan. What other President in my lifetime could honestly have been said to have even attempted that?
Trigger warning: Twitter
“Why bother cutting it if it’s so small?”
“You can’t cut that because it’s too big!”
Wha? I thought we finished the bris discussions in a thread yesterday?
I was pleased that the local news ‘panic about Meals on Wheels” story featured a level-headed reminder that it’s actually a local program and there’s no threat to it disappearing, only a fraction of its budget (which will cause OMG PEOPLE WILL STARVE!! but yknow, baby steps).
But yes, the freak out. oy I was inundated by Trump’s budget is “draconian” and similar important-sounding synonyms.
Any cut in anything means the end of the world…
Like convincing a hoarder that their hoard of 30-year-old newspaper stacks need to go.
Thank you Pomp. I will be using that.
If you haven’t read it, it’s still news.
If you have dementia, it will be news again in five minutes.
(Mom had dementia and was a hoarder.)
TFW there is a post after Thicc Thursday.
+
I’ve already watched this a half dozen times and it’s still hilarious.
Incredibly funny, LOL.
I don’t know how many of y’all have seen anything by Alejandro Jodorowsky, butt he next time you come across a good batch of mescaline I highly recommend Holy Mountain. Or maybe if you just want to feel like you have. El Topo rocks as well.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bdXGhsAynGI
I’ll add that to the list. His Santa Sangre sounds like it’s worth a watch, as well.
A music video using footage from Holy Mountain
*the music is pretty hip for 1981
**the movie is pretty hip for…. the next few thousand years.
Nice, thanks guys. This weird Japanese movie is now on my list and I enjoyed the music video.
*footnote –
something i just noticed about the ‘music video’
some kid just decided to upload the music/film edit just for kicks.
and the actual artist who made the music (30+ years ago!) bothered to comment and say,
Of course this guy isn’t exactly Madonna (obscure 80s avante garde electronica?)- but he *did* produce the ramones, blondie, talking heads, etc. and is a well-respected composer in his own right. Its just one of those “Wow = the internet!” moments. the actual artist reaches out to fans on his own time to be like, “Yo Whaddup”
just since i’m mentioning the guy – here’s an interview with the guy on a UK DJ show, where he basically narrates his career and annotates it with tunes
I love the Boiler Room stuff, lots of incredible music there.
Here is a soul song you’ve likely heard, caught it this morning on local radio.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K3j5ePDhMHI
That’s hot.
Alright… it’s a late post so I figure I’ll put it here. I’ll be spending my day tomorrow in a true libertarian fashion. Spending the day drinking and wondering who in their right mind scheduled a ComiCon in Cleveland starting on St. Patrick’s Day.
I planned my wardrobe for the week so that I’d be wearing orange today.
Laughed for five minutes, hit refresh, laughed for another five.
The wife and I both thought it was great.
*squee*
I made a caption for a Godzilla pic once:
http://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2013/07/blog-post.html
There honestly aren’t a lot of Godzilla memes out there. I mean compared to like Spider-Man or doge or something.
I was going to say I remember this movie being awful and not having titties, but then I realized I was thinking of this other movie called House.
It’s awful. Don’t watch it.
Yeeeah, I’ve seen that one. It’s a great example of bitchin’ 80s box cover art making me rent a movie that was much less appealing than the picture on the front of the case made it appear.
It is, sadly, a lost art. I intend on doing a post about it in future; I’ve read some interesting things about that subject.
That’s what did it for me too. I was in High School and was at Blockbuster with friends. We thought the box art looked awesome so we rented it.
contrarily, an excellent film called “House (something)”
The scary thing is I remember watching ‘House 2’ on the old ‘Up All Night’ show. It was so bad it was funny (or maybe it was the fifth of gin I’d imbibed during the flick).
The sequel is definitely a bit on the weirder side of so bad it’s good. Kinda like WaxWork 1/2 (although I love them both).
You’re not the only one. The original House was a straight up B-movie horror film. House II: The Second Story, tried to go all Evil Dead and poke fun at itself. When you look at the cast list, and the only recognizable names are Bill Maher and John Ratzenberger, then the producers probably weren’t looking to make a serious drama. I’m pretty sure that they probably half their budget to hire John Ratzenberger, since that was the biggest name they could afford, and he was only in the movie for like 5 minutes.
You are, of course, wrong. House is a low budget horror comedy gem with the greatest American hero, William Katt. If you were expecting a straight ahead horror film, than I can see why you were disappointed.
You need to read this article
I mean, look at the first line. Do you not want to read this article? Of course you want to read this article.
I find their wanton use of racial epithets highly upsetting.
I initially didn’t understand their ‘defense’ – it sounded contradictory. (“Your claims are absurd! Raccoons cannot be ‘sexually traumatized’!?! That said, he did display criminal tendencies, which was concerning.”)
Then i realized their argument was, “It wasn’t *traumatized* = it was a titty freak before we even rented it!”
wow =
this reminds me of a comedy piece a friend wrote for the school newspaper in high-school, about the FBI’s recent bust of an international “Endangered-Animal Pornography-Ring”. The article had a photo with a caption i will never forget, “Above, a scene from the film = “Non-Schtoppen Pandaas“
厚
-_-
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Brazilian Epic Power Metal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLs6n4_y6Oc
This site really needs a Metal Monday.
More Brazilian power metal
HM, your TBC compilation link from the other thread is blowing my mind. Taking only the lead-up to what would have been the punchline of a Vine clip, pausing it right before the climax, and pairing it with a Yes song from almost half a century ago… is this peak meme?
How many memes have you danked in your life?
To move people with rough hearts like you is not hard work or talent. It is overwhelming amounts of love.
Jojos bizarre adventure. Watch a few episodes. Youll get it.
For the record, you guys have really messed up my YouTube feed. Now the top video on my ‘suggestions’ list is “One hour of Dark Country/Southern Gothic/Western Rock”
*sigh*
Frumpy woman hassle passerby
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7i5kl_CyNU
I guess that’s a thing now.
on the other hand, he had an electric bicycle. which is like, *barely* better than a segway. its so beta old ladies think they can fuck w/ you.
HM I’m pretty sure you’re responsible for this:
What the fuck did you just fucking say about my daddy??, you little bitch? I’ll have you know he graduated top of his class in the Navy Daddies? , and he’s been involved in numerous secret raids on my little pu$$y, and he has given me over 300? confirmed? cummies?. He is trained in sexual? warfare and he is the top ??squirter? in the entire US bedroom forces. You are nothing to him but just another slut. He will fuck you the fuck up with power the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth?, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying shit about my ❤️daddy❤️ over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting? my secret network of daddies??? across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the cummy? storm, maggot. The ?cummy storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your pu$$y. You’re fucking dead, bitch. My ??? daddies can be anywhere, anytime, and they can fuck you in over seven ?hundred? ways?, and that’s just with their ☝️?fingers☝️? and tongues??. Not only are they extensively trained in bareback? intercourse, but they have access to the entire arsenal of the sex ?closet in my dungeon? and they will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable asshole off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue?. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. My ???daddies??? will squirt cummies?? all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, bitch????.
*blinks*
….
*slowly closes laptop*
I didn’t write it!
or, wait. who posts that?
Another Stossel gem on gender insanity:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTEPr4n_skI
The best part? It turns out the even male *monkeys* like playing with trucks instead of dolls. Not even the animal kingdom is beyond the reach of the patriarchy.
someone really should (rhetorically, always rhetorically) pummel that education professor about the head and shoulders until there’s some sense beaten into her. She’s dangerously stupid.
PS: Hi Preet, not threatening, just sayin’
Preet got fired, fuck Preet Bharara and throw him in a woodchipper.
You’re assuming his replacement will be any better. I’m guessing that his replacement. Qreet will be as big of an asshole.
Is it a band?
Don’t they have machinery in Russia? Jeez. Maybe those guys were prisoners or something. Planers aren’t THAT expensive.
I wouldn’t hand out hatchets.
The fact that you’d even mention hack cinema like “Jaws” tells me that sloopy and FdA’s retardation is contagious.
I think you mean ‘Tora-san’ rather than ‘Toro-san’ in the opening article; the ‘Our Lovable Tramp’ series. I actually really like the first few of those.
/pedantic me