Monday Afternoon Links

It’s Monday, I’m still up to my ass in boxes from a move (Thanks to Swiss and ZARDOZ for picking up the slack), and I’m grumpy. I will catbutt anyone who posts a link that I already posted. RTFLs!

  • I think all libertarians (glib, yokel, comso, and furries) can agree that being fired from a Federal job for violating the rules should not include 30 days of paid leave.
  • One can only imagine how much pancake it takes to choke a Catholic girl.
  • Remember, just one more law can stop domestic violence. Unless the cops tell you to stop calling 911.
  • Tesla passes Ford in market cap. One makes 25,000 trucks a week, the other 25,000 cars a quarter. I know, I know, the market can stay irrational longer than a rational man can stay solvent.
  • Random autoplay warning, but worth linking because SCIENCE proves Canadians are the biggest cry babies.

Have a little shovel-guitar for your Monday.

Comments

326 responses to “Monday Afternoon Links”

  1. The Late P Brooks

    RTFLs!

    FUCK OFF, SLAVER.

  2. John Titor

    Comedians have figured out the trick to covering Trump, says shitbag Vox Millennial, fails to understand that drop in ratings means they’re preaching to a smug, vapid choir, one that will accept any garbage shoveled into their mouths. Comments are then full of people complaining that he didn’t mention Trevor Noah.

    The first two months of Trumpmania were the left falling on its own sword. Now they’re desperately running themselves up and down it screaming “TIS BUT A FLESH WOUND.” If Trump isn’t a complete bloody moron (and with the current healthcare plan that’s up in the air) 2020 is his.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Trump is a complete bloody moron. That much is very clear.

      But the progressive response to him has been so batshit insane over the top that it manages to make him look good. Which is why he’s probably going to win in 2020 (if he’s still around then).

      1. square circle

        But the progressive response to him has been so batshit insane over the top that it manages to make him look good.

        The Progressive response has been so batshit insane, that they may actually undo themselves completely by 2020.

        They may even get it done fast enough for the Freedom Caucus to be able to split off from the establishment Republicans and become the second party.

        One can dream, anyway. While the stranglehold on CA & NY is probably enough to keep Team Blue on life support for a few more cycles, Team Red is now big enough and broadly enough distributed that real fault-lines are emerging. If the Dems can’t get their shit together and do start to fade away for real, the Repubs will factionalize immediately.

        1. Gadfly

          Well, the Dems spent 40 straight years controlling Congress while tolerating multiple factions within their big tent of a party, so while we’ll see a lot more intraparty fighting among the Reps now that they actually have a respectable number of seats I don’t see it leading to an actual party split or even necessarily electoral loss.

          1. square circle

            My fantasy entails the Dems ceasing to exist as an effective political force, a la the Whigs in 1856. If they persist even as an annoying minority party, then yes – the Repubs become the 1960s Dems.

    2. Glitterstorm

      My coworker sends me a minimum of 5 articles a day about how the jig is up for Trump and he’ll be reigned in on RICO charges. He also believes that the electoral college should be abolished due to antiquity. He’s an urban male who has only ever grown up in the liberal bubble of Atlanta.

      1. Brett L

        the liberal bubble of Atlanta

        Not a phrase I see a lot, but I can believe it.

        1. Glitterstorm

          It has become recently. But I think living out in the country has slanted my views a bit.

        2. Glitterstorm

          Also I’m starting to see more and more virtue signalling in neighborhoods in Atlanta. Like signs saying “WE WELCOME REFUGEES”. I’m sure you do, but what about your black neighbors who you wouldn’t hesitate to call the cops on if you didn’t know them.

          1. square circle

            Near where I work in Oakland CA there is a very fancy organic food market that all the rich liberals from the (swanky) Glen Park area shop at. They have a good deli, but boy they make Whole Foods look cheap.

            They got new credit card scanners a few weeks back, and set them up with Spanish as the default. I have never – I mean never – seen anyone in that store who looked even remotely like they would be native Spanish speaker. Even the checkers and baggers are mostly Asian. But it’s all about the gesture, I suppose . . .

          2. C. Anacreon

            Rockridge Market Hall?

            If that’s what you are talking about, I had a girlfriend who worked in the front office there. That was 25 years ago (yikes, how time flies. )

          3. square circle

            No – the Farmer Joe’s on Fruitvale. It wouldn’t surprise me to see the same thing at the Market Hall, but I haven’t been there since I lived in that area about 10 years ago.

          4. Chipwooder

            Rock Ridge? Is it run by Hedley LaMarr?

          5. Old Man With Candy

            With Berkeley Bowl nearby, why would anyone shop there?

            True story: when my kid was about four, I took him there for my weekly Saturday shopping. He kept asking, “Daddy, why is everybody here so angry?”

          6. Festus

            It’s all eldric gesturing and non-Euclidean geometry at this point. May as well throw a hex on ’em.

          7. AlmightyJB

            What they mean is that they welcome refugees into black neighborhoods.

        3. Chipwooder

          Plenty of cities in otherwise completely not liberal regions in the south are plenty liberal. I know little about Atlanta but that doesn’t surprise me.

          1. Marty Comanche

            Racking up big margin in one or two urban centers while ignoring the rest of the state is the Democratic MO. Trump won by dominating margins throughout most of Downstate Illinois, including 80% of Wayne County. He lost bigly in Illinois anyway. In 1996, Dole received a similar ass-kicking in Illinois, but it was more geographically dispersed. http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/data/ct-illinois-president-results-20161108-htmlstory.html

          2. GSL in E

            Not just in the South. Pennsylvania, for example, is extremely conservative outside the city limits of Philly and Pittsburgh. Even the burbs of those cities are quite conservative.

        4. Enough About Palin

          I lived and worked in Atlanta. It’s an island.

      2. Rufus the Monocled

        So how does he feel about Susan Rice acting like a little pawn for her devious boss with regards to spying?

        Never mind. NOTHING TO SEE.

        1. AlmightyJB

          As you say “nothing to see” but if that changes, Obama will throw her under the bus in a heartbeat

    3. Raston Bot

      which is why that HBO promo for 2017 that bashes the shit out of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight is so funny.. because it’s true.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekoETowzmAo

      1. Drake

        Best thing he’s ever done. If they had Anthony Hopkins on there brutally mocking him it would have been even better.

    4. Enough About Palin

      Samantha Bee is simply not funny.

      1. Glitterstorm

        She’s awful. It’s not even humor it’s just someone being a twat for a joke. Like Anthony Jeselnik.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          Jeselnik’s “Thoughts and Prayers” was wonderful.

          1. Glitterstorm

            I think it’s his voice that drives me crazy.

        2. Festus

          Are we even sure that she’s Canadian? Who am I kidding? At this point, does it matter? Yeah, she’s insufferable. I’m just waiting for that 20lb watermelon to drop from her fevered loins when Gorsuch gets confirmed.

        3. Juice

          Like Anthony Jeselnik.

          Well, someone has no idea what he’s talking about. That boy is hilarious.

      2. NOT a Naked Intruder

        Samantha Bee is simply not funny.

        Could it be that comedic talent is related to attractiveness?

        Because, Ho. Lee. Shit is she ugly.

  3. jesse.in.mb

    One can only imagine how much pancake it takes to choke a Catholic girl.

    I mean that sounds like a thing one does, right?

    Caitlin Nelson, 21, of Clark, died Sunday at a Connecticut hospital, three days after taking part in a pancake eating contest at the school.

    Three days!? And the article says they don’t know what killed her other than participating in a Greek Life event. You didn’t tell us it was a Catholic sorority girl, Brett.

    1. Brett L

      Officers who arrived at the scene were not able to clear her airway and had to remove food from her throat

      What kind of monster would make fun of her dying? I’m talking about something three days before that.

    2. Just Say’n

      I hate to throw this out there, but I feel like there is a Frank Zappa lyric that should be added to this article. Something, something from Frank’s Garage

      1. Mad Scientist

        Do you know how they go?

        1. Just Say’n

          After the show?

          1. Mad Scientist

            And none of their mama’s ever seem to know.

          2. Just Say’n

            Oh Zappa, you filthy bastard

          3. Bobarian LMD

            Spritchen sie nicht das sofa?

          4. Festus

            Ich bin der chrome dinette!

      2. Catholic girls start much too late?

        1. Mad Scientist

          Not with the tiny little mustache.

    3. AlmightyJB

      Obviously she didn’t use enough syrup. Never skip on the lubricant.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    Tesla passes Ford in market cap.

    It’s a good thing I’m too poor to put my money where my mouth is. Between the Federal Reserve and Tesla, I would have shorted myself right into a cardboard box under a bridge.

    1. Just Say’n

      I wonder how well Tesla performs without endless government subsidies? I’m going to guess: not so good

      1. Floridaman

        Which is why despite prog screeching Musk joined the businesses council Trump put together, he needs the money to stay afloat.

    2. I think it goes to show that people value hype and good feelings at least as much as physical products.

      1. Drake

        They plan to start mass producing cars later this year – something Ford did in 1908.

        1. I distinctly remember the Dot Com boom, and I can’t help but see some similarities here…

          1. Juice

            Except this TSLA ridiculousness has been going on for a good 10 years already. It’s an absurd stock, but it’s also a bear destroyer due to its cult nature.

    3. BakedPenguin

      Put options. Damn, I need to get some money, because when reality hits, it’s going to be ugly.

      1. Floridaman

        Wait, why that option unless you already have Tesla stock?

        1. BakedPenguin

          They make money when the stock price goes down. Like short selling, but without the risk, because you only risk whatever you pay upfront.

    4. Drake

      The Auto Industry Is About To Drive Off A Cliff, Again

      The easy money era is over. And I agree with the article and comments on pricing. Some models like the Accord and Camry have barely budged on price. SUV’s and “luxury” cars have gone insane with their pricing.

      1. Vhyrus

        You Gilmored that link but good.

      2. Glitterstorm

        Once again, they brought this on themselves.

        1. Juice

          They make too many fucking cars! It’s that simple.

  5. John Titor

    CANADIAN BABIES CRY THE MOST, STUDY SAYS

    To be fair, this may have something to do with the fact that our abortion treatment is an iceflow.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      It’s not like babies are that well insulated.

    2. Vhyrus

      Babies are a dish best served cold.

      1. Francisco d’Anconia

        And it’s very cold…in Canada

      2. John Titor

        You’d think we’d get some thanks for repopulating the polar bears, but noooo…

    3. Vhyrus

      Alternate joke: Is THAT why progs are always bitching about global warming?

    4. Just Say’n

      This explains why they have a woke pretty boy as their prime minister.

    5. Hyperion

      Well, they’re in Canada. Even at that age they realize that something is wrong.

    6. Zero Sum Game

      *ice floe

      1. Vhyrus

        Stop Amerisplaining, shitlord!

        1. Zero Sum Game

          Amerisplain, FUCK YEAH! Here to correct your mothefuckin’ spellin’.
          Amerisplain, FUCK YEAH! Don’t know why you’re complainin’ ’bout our yellin’!

          ????? FUCK YEAH! ?????

    7. AlmightyJB

      It’s because their parents are hosers.

  6. Vhyrus

    I still think that monocle chain is coming out of that cat’s anus. It would explain his expression.

    1. Mad Scientist

      It’s a Twinkle Tush.

    2. Mad Scientist

      I guess the link would be helpful.

      1. Vhyrus

        Are you competing with HM now to see who can get me fired?

        1. jesse.in.mb

          Fun fact: this entire site is an elaborate ruse to get you fired.

          1. Vhyrus

            I doubt it… there’s no asian bondage porn anywhere.

          2. John Titor

            Why’s it specifically asian bondage porn? I find the Czechs and Central Europeans in general to be the masters of the field.

          3. Vhyrus

            Intentional pun? I hope so.

          4. Bobarian LMD

            Maybe you should apply for a position at the VA?

          5. Vhyrus

            That guy is OBVIOUSLY not Asian.

          6. Vhyrus

            Also…. PROBABLY?! Where the fuck do YOU work?

          7. jesse.in.mb

            You didn’t specify that the subject had to be. Gengoroh Tagame most certainly is. Very SFW, I think Canadians will appreciate the shirt he’s wearing.

          8. jesse.in.mb

            PROBABLY?! Where the fuck do YOU work?

            I’m the IT guy where I work

            😉

          9. Vhyrus

            Ah yes… hide in plain sight… the mind of a killer.

          10. Tonio

            Thanks for that, Jesse. Not a particular fan, but I’ve been seeing his work on a lot of tumblrs and wondered what the deal was.

    3. Bobarian LMD

      There is another monocle on the other end, so that cat can see in both directions.

  7. Vhyrus

    is a yokel a paleotarian? I’m not hip to your younggins slang talk.

    1. Brett L

      Yokeltarians are the libertarians who bitch about cosmotarians being too interested in getting invited to all the right cocktail parties.

      1. Vhyrus

        btw, you misspelled cosmo in your article.

        1. F. Stupidity Jr.

          Nah, it’s slang for komsomolskaya pravda.

        2. Brett L

          Shit. Now I have to leave it there.

    2. John Titor

      Yokel’s more of a general term than a specific platform, usually it’s just a vague ‘leans right/Republican’. Mostly has to do with what policies you focus on and how you want it done (immigration being the current big one, with the ‘yokel’ argument being anything from ‘reduce the amount of immigrants, maybe even from specific areas or religions’ to ‘i want more immigration, but only after the welfare state is dead’).

      What I want to know is why furries are separate. Is there some secret furritarian lobby in the movement that I’m not aware of?

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        Is there some secret furritarian lobby in the movement that I’m not aware of?

        You don’t visit here on Fridays?

        1. jesse.in.mb

          Just out of curiosity, has the random Fur Friday thing given people the misimpression that I’m a furry or something?

          1. Bobarian LMD

            It’s your avatar that throws us off.

          2. jesse.in.mb

            Ouch. That’s my face, not a fursuit.

          3. Vhyrus

            Hey man, if it looks like a bear, talks like a bear…

          4. John Titor

            Jesse, we cool. You don’t need to hide your true self here.

            Go ahead and change your display pic to an anthropomorphic wolf or whatever.

          5. Bobarian LMD

            Warning: Red Rocket.

          6. jesse.in.mb

            If identifying as an anthropomorphic dog got me abs like that, I’d probably roll with it.

          7. DenverJ

            You people are weird.

          8. Heroic Mulatto

            If identifying as an anthropomorphic dog got me abs like that, I’d probably roll with it.

            AWAKEN MY CANINES!

          9. Vhyrus

            So I frequent a gun blog that has 2 or 3 completely out there furries that frequently comment. They have the furry avatars and everything. Once in awhile a normie will notice this and have a total meltdown in the comments. It is extremely entertaining to watch.

          10. Caput Lupinum

            Go ahead and change your display pic to an anthropomorphic wolf or whatever.

            I suddenly have the urge to change my handle.

          11. He’s a bear, not a wolf….

        2. Brett L

          Furritarians, thiccitarians, the thicc’s mortal enemies the proanatarians, we got lotsa tarians. I’m not sure if the bronies made it over or not.

          1. jesse.in.mb

            I’m not sure if the bronies made it over or not.

            *looks pointedly at Juvenile Bluster*

          2. Juvenile Bluster

            Hey, I’m a lapsed brony.

          3. John Titor

            I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.

          4. Bobarian LMD

            Are you anti-lapsed or pro-lapsed?

    3. AlmightyJB

      A Yokel broke up The Beatles

  8. Bobarian LMD

    •Tesla passes Ford in market cap.

    When the Model 3 craps the bed and fails to deliver even 10% of their pre-sales, the stock will probably just stay on flatline, because people are idiots.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    I think a yokel (-tarian) is a paleotarian what loves him some traktur pullz.

    1. Mad Scientist

      Let’s ask joe from lowell. He can explain it all to us.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        He hatez the pullz, because he can never see over the people in front of him.

    2. Just Say’n

      I can’t imagine Rothbard and Justin Raimondo at a tractor pull. Unless that’s a euphemism for a Buchanan rally

  10. Juvenile Bluster

    Baseball season has started and Cesar Hernandez is on pace to hit 648 home runs and the Phillies are winning the World Series.

    Yup.

    1. Vhyrus

      Damn, you start drinking early don’t you.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        I’m at work. And the only drink I’ve got right now is a Lipton Peach Iced Tea.

        Just love me some baseball.

        1. Hyperion

          I don’t even see how you guys watch 300 games of that stuff.

    2. Brett L

      Syndergaard is taking the “Money for Nothing” route. Got a blister on his finger.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Isn’t that the RIngo Starr route?

    3. BakedPenguin

      Baseball season has started and Cesar Hernandez is on pace to hit 648 home runs

      That’ll go well with his 1.000 batting average.

    4. Not an Economist

      Dude, they are playing the Reds. You or I could hit a home run off the Reds.

    1. Vhyrus

      Wow… deadpools original costume was kinda lame.

  11. Hyperion

    Remember, just one more law can stop domestic violence. Unless the cops tell you to stop calling 911.

    That’s a pretty fucked up story. But I don’t see anywhere in what I read where the cops are at fault.

    1. Vhyrus

      If you talk to any cop that’s been around for awhile they will tell you without question the absolute worst calls are domestic violence calls. Not only are you on the hook for making the wrong call, but quite often the ‘victim’ will side with the ‘assailant’ the moment you slap the cuffs on. It is very common to hear about women attacking the police for trying to hurt their bf and vice versa.

  12. KibbledKristen

    Repeat from AM links comments: White House wants Amash to be primaried.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Fuck being primaried. I want Amash to run for Senate in 2018.

      1. Just Say’n

        Amash and Rand in the Senate. That’s like something from Judge Napolitano’s wet dreams

        1. Hyperion

          Add in the nerdy one from KY also. Massie.

          1. Just Say’n

            My heart be still

  13. KibbledKristen

    I heard this story from my colleagues at my last job:

    They had a Fedgov co worker who literally shit herself at her desk every day. She took no steps to seek medical or psych treatment, and did nothing to mitigate the smell or filthiness emanating from her cubicle. The cleaning people refused to ever go in her cube, even to empty her trash.

    It took two fucking years to fire her. There was literal human feces in her cube, and it took two years to can her.

    1. Just Say’n

      I imagine that’s what Reason’s office was like after Trump’s election

      1. Bobarian LMD

        It’ll take 4 to 8 years to clean up there.

    2. F. Stupidity Jr.

      Wow. It’s rare to find employees that give a shit.

      1. Vhyrus

        She certainly didn’t give a shit but man could she take one.

    3. Juvenile Bluster

      Did anyone ever figure out why?

      1. Bobarian LMD

        Why not?

        1. Jefe Hayek

          I like the cut of your shit jib

    4. Rufus the Monocled

      Wow. Literal pant shitting.

    5. BakedPenguin

      I worked at a psychic/phone sex place for a while, and they paid the phone sex operators by how long they could keep guys on the phone. One woman who had low numbers managed to keep a guy on for a long while, but had an accident in the process. I saw the maintenance guy taking out what then became known as the ‘poop chair’.

      1. Glitterstorm

        My sides are in orbit.

      2. The thought of people calling up BP for phone sex is frightening.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          Way harsh, Ty.

      3. “I worked at a psychic/phone sex place for a while”

        Never mind the dirty talk, what’s the winning lottery number?

    6. PBRstreetgang

      Be honest, it was Pelosi, right?

    7. I’m sorry you lost your job.

    8. C. Anacreon

      Progressive Discipline to fire takes forever. I’m sure the supervisor ‘took steps’ to accommodate her situation?

    9. Not an Economist

      First they need to keep records to prove no one else poops on the job for an extended period of time. Then they need to counsel the individual. Then repeat several times before you can fire them.

    10. Akira

      At the state prison where I used to work, there were employees who thought attendance was fucking optional. There were employees who would flat-out refuse to do their jobs (“I ain’t doin’ that shit!”) and never faced any consequences. And there were plenty who were physically and mentally unfit to do the job, but they couldn’t be let go or made to retire. This group included a 75-year old officer with a shoulder problem that practically immobilized his left arm, poorly controlled diabetes that would periodically send him into an incoherent mental state, almost nonexistent hearing, and rapidly declining vision.

      It seems like the only thing that would likely get you fired was fucking one of the inmates, but there was a CO who did that and still kept his job; they just moved the inmate to a different prison.

      1. Vhyrus

        Well I know where I’m applying once my lifetime supply of fucks runs out.

        1. Akira

          For real. It seems like you have to do a halfway decent job for a few years, but after you rack up some seniority, you’re in the clear. In the unlikely event that you find yourself being disciplined for something, just go screaming and crying to your AFSCME rep and you’ll be good to go. You might even get six months of paid “stress leave” (true story). As long as you can resist the prisoner pussy (which is not hard to do with the body odor and abysmal level of attractiveness) you can collect a handsome wage, lavish benefits, and a cushy retirement.

  14. F. Stupidity Jr.
  15. mexican sharpshooter

    Dr, Shulkin needs to figure out the only way to fire a VA employee, is by pushing them down the stairs.

    I’m impressed though that this guy managed to watch porn at work. I can’t even click on half the links you people post here without fear of a nasty email from IT .

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      Find a new job.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Way ahead of you. I had three interviews in the past two weeks.

    2. Chipwooder

      Why would anyone use their work computer for it when you can watch anything on your phone?

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        1- The VA’s firewall doesn’t catch everything but it does flag websites (like this one!) for IT to manually review if the software can’t decide to block it. So maybe he got lucky.
        2- I’ve been to some VAMCs that doubled as fallout shelters, so getting signal can be hit or miss.
        3- The average VA employees is simultaneously averse to technology and stupid.

    3. Tommy Udo for VA Secretary

  16. Left Hand of Radar

    OT: Whole lotta empty seats at the TWINS home opener. Thank god I’m helping to pay for that ballpark so the Pohlads have the money to make the team “competitive.”

    Motherfuckers.

    1. thom

      Why they have a shitty team from a cold city open at home is beyond me. There is literally no reason to want to go to that game.

    2. Trigger Hippie

      The House Mauer Built.

      Unfortunately, his knees went out during construction.

      teeheehee

  17. But Enough About Me
    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Bloomberg reported it too.

      1. But Enough About Me

        Yep. First thing that’s mentioned by the ‘Hedge writer. Which gives me a >tiny< glimmer of hope that mebbe it'll start inserting itself into the mainstream media's "All Russians, All The Time" narrati . . . BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

        {gasp} Sorry. Couldn't hold it back any longer.

    2. Just Say’n

      https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2017-04-03/top-obama-adviser-sought-names-of-trump-associates-in-intel

      Bloomberg has the same thing. I actually think Zero Hedge is pretty good, once you ignore the hyperbole

      1. Chipwooder

        And, of course, the comments.

        1. Just Say’n

          The comment section teeters between a Eustace Mullins conference and a David Duke speech. Just vile

        2. Trolleric the Goth

          BUY GOLD, WORLD IS MELTING, DOW DOWN 3%? THE JIG IS UP BANKERS WE KNOW THIS IS THE BIG CRASH, etc. etc.

      2. Trolleric the Goth

        I enjoy their chart-driven articles after close, but everything else is tinfoil hattery at its worst

  18. Fatty Bolger

    Top Obama Adviser Sought Names of Trump Associates in Intel

    White House lawyers last month learned that the former national security adviser Susan Rice requested the identities of U.S. persons in raw intelligence reports on dozens of occasions that connect to the Donald Trump transition and campaign, according to U.S. officials familiar with the matter.

    The pattern of Rice’s requests was discovered in a National Security Council review of the government’s policy on “unmasking” the identities of individuals in the U.S. who are not targets of electronic eavesdropping, but whose communications are collected incidentally. Normally those names are redacted from summaries of monitored conversations and appear in reports as something like “U.S. Person One.”

  19. Worker and Parasite

    That spade is not so ace. Now I’m going to have to put on Space Ritual, or even that weird album by Gopal, to get my mind straight.

  20. bacon-magic

    One can only imagine how much pancake it takes to choke a Catholic girl.

    They choke on anything. *goes to hell*

    1. John Titor

      Based on my teenage years, they’re way too experienced for that.

      *Gets bumped a couple circles further down*

    2. But Enough About Me

      They choke on anything.

      Demonstrably untrue, from my time in University.

      *new circle of Hell invented just for me*

  21. Brett L

    I dislike Hardees and Carls Jr, but this is a great commercial. I mean, if we’re not going to get hot chicks eating burgers in bikinis anymore.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      So whitewashed Dos Equis guy?

      1. Bobarian LMD

        I’m unclear. Does that mean … would?

        1. jesse.in.mb

          Nah. Maybe have a beer with, but the toned down Dallas patriarch look wasn’t doing anything for me.

    2. Chipwooder

      It will never come close to this

  22. Chipwooder

    I’m not a serious investor or anything, and I certainly don’t work in that industry, but everything about Tesla seems absurd. Why do so many people feel compelled to dump money into that company when their plans are so far-fetched and seem so likely to struggle?

    1. Raston Bot

      being able to run people down without them hearing you is the #1 driver of that stock.

      1. Vhyrus

        There’s actually a law in many places that electric cars have to simulate a motor sound so people can hear the car. The first time I heard that I think I gave myself a bruise from smacking my forehead.

        1. Raston Bot

          I fully expect someone to amend the Hearing Protection Act so that suppressors must have a loudspeaker that blares “BANG” when you pull the trigger.

        2. Chipwooder

          Wasn’t there some kind of movement to force cell phone cameras to make a picture-taking noise to prevent dirtbags from surreptitiously photographing women?

          1. jesse.in.mb

            It’s a law in some East Asian countries (I believe Japan and Korea). It’s policy for some American carriers (Sprint and it’s value partners like Virgin).

            I had a phone that the shutterclick sound was actually louder than if I carried around a DSLR because the phone had a separate set of speakers for playing music. I found that out when I thought I’d disabled it and then was taking a picture with some friends I hadn’t seen in forever while we were visiting a dead-silent fine art museum. Ended up rooting the phone just to disable that file.

    2. GSL in E

      I’d guess a lot of it is investor “fear of missing out”. Being amplified, of course, by the fawning, Pravda-esque coverage Musk receives from the tech press.

    3. Juice

      And then you see another company totally kicking ass, but the CEO pissed off some Wall St. firm for one reason or another, and so the stock is still sitting in the dirt just so they can prove a point.

  23. Juvenile Bluster

    Remember, just one more law can stop domestic violence. Unless the cops tell you to stop calling 911.

    Apparently they were telling her neighbor to stop calling 9/11, not the dead woman. I’m not exactly sure that’s any better though.

  24. Raston Bot

    “pump and dump” as a general comment works for multiple links.

    1. And Kristen’s coworker story.

    1. Jefe Hayek

      “The couple had been having sex at a hotel called the Explor-Inn”

      Perfect

      1. Drake

        There was a hotel next my college campus we affectionately call the Ram-it-on-in.

    2. Vhyrus

      I guess someone needed to explain to them that American Pie 2 was not, in fact, an instructional video.

    3. When you get to the story it says “reportedly” used a potion and the last paragraph is:

      “Kenyan media speculated that the woman’s cuckolded husband had used a magun potion designed to catch adulterous wives.”

      So it goes from speculation to an authoritative statement in the headline.

  25. From the pancake story: Police said that Nelson suffered from multiple food allergies, but it is yet unclear what caused her death, the report said.

    If they used old pancake mixes, then that might have contributed.

  26. Raston Bot

    one evening we should all just re-post Brett’s links so it’s just one glorious catbutt gallery.

    and that one evening will be:

    Sunday, October 29
    National Cat Day 2017 in United States of America

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      Fuck that.

      CatCon 2017: 8/12-13

      There’s already a contingent of Glibs staff planning on going to see who can fuck the most cat ladies in two days. I hope I will have a good showing, but my money is on Riven to win.

      1. Vhyrus

        If that video is any indication, if you score by the pound I think you have a very real chance of taking the gold, HM.

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          We’ve already voted against “easy mode”.

      2. jesse.in.mb

        This is how you get toxoplasmosis of the dick.

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          You’re going.

          1. Vhyrus

            I can’t decide what’s funnier: A gay guy in a cat girl fucking contest, or him winning.

          2. DenverJ

            Yeah, you people are definitely weird.

          3. jesse.in.mb

            So judgy, Denver.

          4. bacon-magic

            Meow

          5. jesse.in.mb

            Can I just go to semi-local San Diego Cat Show?

        2. Bobarian LMD
      3. John Titor

        There’s very rare moments in my life where I stop and think “you know, maybe ISIS has a point about the whole decadence thing.”

        This is one of those moments.

      4. commodious spittoon

        idontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore.jpg

  27. The Late P Brooks

    I’m at work. And the only drink I’ve got right now is a Lipton Peach Iced Tea.

    Now, *there’s* a cosmotarian. Are you wearing stiletto heels, too?

    1. Gilmore

      that stuff is actually really good. and i normally hate peach-anything.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    everything about Tesla seems absurd. Why do so many people feel compelled to dump money into that company when their plans are so far-fetched and seem so likely to struggle?

    Something something “fool and his money” something

    1. Fatty Bolger

      It’s overhyped potential plus the fear of missing out. The same thing was behind the dot com bubble.

  29. Glitterstorm

    Is Security+ a worthwhile cert to get?

    1. For DoD work, probably.

      Otherwise… not really? It is very easy and doesn’t really say much about your qualifications.

      On the plus side, it is, well, very easy, and also pretty cheap.

      1. Glitterstorm

        I’ll pay you 10 dollars to be my advisor.

        1. Email me at thaneofwhiterun@gmx.com if you want to chat

  30. Fatty Bolger

    The Trump/Putin hit list: 8 mysterious Russian deaths since US election (video)

    I think they’ve thrown in the towel, and have decided to go all in on the fake news trend.

    1. Vhyrus

      Like every other progressive theme, they only fail if they stop trying.

  31. Enough About Palin

    I’m of mostly German heritage. If I decide to take a Spanish class (or Italian, Russian, etc.), is that cultural appropriation.

    1. Drake

      Not if you plan to conquer and subjugate all those places.

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      No, as the Holy Roman Empire pretty much ruled over parts of most of those countries at one time. Also, the House of Romanov eventually married into a cadet branch of the House of Oldenburg.

      1. Enough About Palin

        Chinese then?

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          The Chinese Room in the Royal Place in Berlin is part of your heritage too.

    3. John Titor

      You’d better work out all those Latin based words you’re mashing into your Germanic language first.

  32. commodious spittoon

    Fantastic piece on Title IX inquisitions, equal parts depressing and infuriating.

    Another panelist quickly countered, “It seems very clear the students feel they have been harmed. That is definitely the message that the university is presenting, at least from the interviews with the investigators: that they feel harmed.”

    Wilson’s solution, again, was inference to the best explanation. “What’s the best explanation of all of the data? It’s a delicate position. But, I mean — we’re aware of human nature. Sometimes a person’s memories can be distorted. There are psychological and other motivations that need to be brought to bear.”

    I think she was trying to remind everyone in the room, as delicately as possible, that people don’t always tell the truth, even student accusers.

    1. commodious spittoon

      Yeesh, the comments.

      There’s a very real need to pull the plug on public funding for higher education, and the actual institutions are only part of the problem. The other part is the droves of cultural martinets they’re graduating into the wild.

  33. Glitterstorm

    I’m like a babby Libertarian. I’ve read some Bastiat but are there other Libertarian slanted works and websites you guys would recommend. Libertarian hentai is also acceptable.

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      Libertarian hentai is also acceptable.

      Ok.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        We need a video of someone using the ovipositor splorch with that audio.

      2. Glitterstorm

        HM always delivers.

    2. commodious spittoon

      I don’t know what’s the consensus lately on Mises.org, but I came to H&R after spending a couple years following their articles and listening to (so, so very many) lecture series they host.

    3. For a “babby”, the Foundation for Economic Education and Learn Liberty are both good.

      1. Glitterstorm

        Thanks all.

        1. But especially Carl.

          1. Glitterstorm

            Especially.

    4. Frank Meyer, *In Defense of Freedom: A Conservative Credo* – my handle links to it.

  34. jesse.in.mb

    Kremlin Pledges to Investigate Reports of Mass Disappearance of Gay People in Chechnya (TW: autoplay video)

    According to the Russian investigative newspaper, authorities in the conservative and predominantly Muslim Chechen Republic have detained over 100 men in various incidents in the past week. The paper said it had confirmed the detentions with sources in Russia’s law enforcement services, whom it cited on the condition of anonymity.

    Based on a few articles I’ve read they’re targeting people on hookup aChechnyaif you’re in Chechnya this weekend and looking for a bit of strange, think twice.

    1. *checks calendar*

      Nope, not this weekend

  35. Pan Zagloba

    Taiwanese animated news on YouTube ad shitshow.

    It’s a very interesting story, if you wondered why WSJ raised a mob against PewDiePie, this is why.

    1. commodious spittoon

      Is that meant to be Trigglypuff?

      Awesome.

    2. TomoNews is has “extremist” content? Huh?

  36. Lachowsky

    Last Monday, I submitted a FOIA request to a local PD for video and audio of police encounter I had. I finally was contacted today by the circuit clerk. She forwarded me to the local PD. The local PD said that they had seen my request but that in order for it to be processed, I would have to show up in person and resubmit and sign the paperwork. Sounds to me like I’m getting a run around.

    Anyway, when I leave work at 7pm this evening, I will be going into the belly of the beast to meet with the police themselves. Wish me luck on not getting arrested/shot. I’m not looking forward to this.

    1. commodious spittoon

      Be polite, be circumspect, do not make any furtive motions.

      1. Lachowsky

        I can do the second two, the first is going to take aserious amount of self restraint.

    2. RothbardsBitch1

      Maybe you should pass on to one or all of us your real name, so A) we can find your obituary and B) we can testify that you went there to pick up a video and not to rob the police station as the police will probably put in your death report.

      1. Lachowsky

        My handle is my last name. search the obits in arkansas if you don’t hear from me by tomorrow.

    3. Lachowsky

      made it home without getting shot. The officer who pulled me over was in there while I resubmitted my paperwork. he looked kinda agitated. It took everything I had not to tell him he should probably run his dogs around. There must be drugs present for you to look like that.

      1. trshmnstr

        Good to hear!

  37. Suthenboy

    Unclear what caused her death? Her brain went without oxygen long enough for some cells to die. Subsequently, in the course of her body trying to remove the necrosis her brain swelled to the point of no longer being able to function. I have seen this happen. It is not pretty.

  38. RothbardsBitch1

    So my boss was in a grumpy mood after he had to deal with a neighbor’s domestic violence dispute without any police help. I don’t know if it was his neighbor or his friends neighbor, but he was at a party last weekend and some douchebag gets really drunk beats up on his girlfriend and punches her baby in the face. The lady screams and comes running over to where the party was all beat up. My boss has her come in house and calls the cops they tell him do not leave the house we will be right there. The hours roll by and about 3-4 hours later and multiple calls to the police that includes the fact that the ladies douchebag boyfriend owns a gun, knows where she is and could be back any minute. Finally a single squad car rolls up with what my boss describes as a midget lady police officer. She takes a report and suggests the lady goes to the hospital and stays at the neighbors house or with family if possible and to call if the boyfriend shows back up. My boss is like wait a minute this guy knows I helped this lady out your hours late and he is a psycho what if he shows up later and just kills us all with his gun!!!

    1. Vhyrus

      Where’s your boss’s gun? Or is he a liberal in the process of getting mugged by reality?

      1. RothbardsBitch1

        Didn’t think to ask. He is not a liberal though. I also know he built and owns a flamethrower he brought it to work because the weeds around the building got so bad and who wants to hire somebody to pull them. Still even if you do have a gun do you want to go through the danger and the legal hassle of a firefight when you pay taxes so the police can deal with that shit?

        1. Vhyrus

          Except you don’t pay taxes so the police can deal with that shit. It has been ruled multiple times that the police have no duty to protect you, to the point that they can be grossly negligent and still have immunity.

          Remember: when seconds count, the police are only 4 hours away. That’s why you own a gun.

          1. RothbardsBitch1

            I’m not saying that police are reliable or that gun ownership is not smart. But we live in a world where even if you are completely legally in the right in a self defense shooting you are going to suffer some major consequences. First hiring a lawyer which can cost at least thousands of dollars, then dealing with the police and possibly the courts for months. So i can see how he would be annoyed that he was basically put in the position of risking his life, his families life and finances to protect someone the police should have been protecting.

          2. Vhyrus

            I’m not disagreeing, but how the world should be and how the world is becomes a pretty ugly venn diagram when the rubber meets the road. The moment he took that woman inside his house he opened himself up a big nasty can of worms. I would have done the same thing in his position, but if that dirtbag comes over to his house looking for a fight the last thing you want is a 911 operator saying “They’re on their way, just hang on.”

  39. Ed Wuncler

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/abby-norman2/why-white-parents-wont-ch_b_8294908.html

    “The people who are moving into my neighborhood want their children to have a diverse upbringing, but not too diverse. They still want a white school, just with other non-white children also participating. They want to go to the Christmas pageant and not have their white sensibilities violated because the other parents are too loud and boisterous and it makes them uncomfortable, for really no good reason. They don’t want their kid to notice her whiteness in Pre-k and then find out while addressing that question, that while they already own great books about diversity, the only children’s books specifically about whiteness are published by the KKK. They don’t want their child to ask them why Quintavious’s sister says she doesn’t like white people. They don’t want to have to wonder when the teacher calls, if they are getting extra attention because white parents are often perceived as overbearing. They want diversity, just not too much.”

    No one’s really sympathetic in this article.

    1. Glitterstorm

      This is made up. None of this is happening and the narrator is just projecting.

      1. Ed Wuncler

        And I went to an all white elementary and junior high school. I never once mentioned how the white man was oppressing me.

        1. RothbardsBitch1

          I went to a 75% hispanic school the racism against whites was pretty insane at times. I got into a few fights that were as trivial as looking at a cholo wrong. I also lived in Puerto Rico for a while as a kid same thing, it was private school and Pokemon was big. If the poorer/unlucky kids wanted one of my holographic cards they just ganged up on me and either beat me up and stole it or went to the teacher and said I stole it from them. Still I had tons of hispanic friends growing up who were not racist. The other whites were a mixture of baptists, mormons and jews. I mostly hung out with jews throughout high school. The mormons were insular and the Baptists were a little too religious. I remember being so jealous that my jewish friends got to go to Jew camp over the summer and I couldn’t go or hang out with them because they were out of town.

          1. Glitterstorm

            Yeah my high school ended up being like 70/30 black -white/hispanic. And boy those kids were far from woke.

      2. Fatty Bolger

        What, you don’t believe she can read minds?

        1. Glitterstorm

          I mean I know hoteps think they can.

    2. Glitterstorm

      Also, so it’s not enough to try and be diverse but if you attempt to participate in other culture’s activities is appropriation. What the fuck is going on?

      1. Ed Wuncler

        That’s why you never play their game or ever apologize. No matter what you do or how “woke” you seem, you can never satisfy their social justice bloodlust.

    3. Old Man With Candy

      So let me try to understand this- people moved in, thought the schools were shitty, used their resources to get their kids into a better learning environment (while still paying for the regular public schools through their undoubtedly high taxes), and this is terribly wrong. Is that the gist of it?

      Her mother, a teacher at a suburban school, and her father, a PhD candidate at the state university, both find the school completely acceptable, more than acceptable.

      Let me guess that his PhD program is not physics.

      1. Ed Wuncler

        I got berated by one of my friends when I told him that when my wife and I have children, they will not be attending any of the Chicago Public Schools. They honestly believed that I should sacrifice my children’s education on the alter of the so called common good.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          Diana Moon Glampers is a Progressive.

        2. square circle

          They honestly believed that I should sacrifice my children’s education on the alter of the so called common good.

          For a kick, point out that the logical consequence of their argument is that all private schools should be outlawed and all students should be assigned a public school via lottery, no appeals (including theirs).

          It’s guaranteed to get the thousand-yard stare.

      2. Ed Wuncler

        And not do they want you to pay for shit, they want you to also be apart of their shit. Because not participating means that you are a bad person.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          Sacrificing your kids to a system which is incapable of competence is the only way that your social signals can have meaning.

        2. Suthenboy

          Cool. So be a bad person. I am.

    4. AlmightyJB

      No lower form of prog than those willing to fuck up their kids lives just so they can social signal. I really hope that trend does not last.

    5. square circle

      This is just the new anti-school choice narrative. People don’t want to send their kids to the local public school in the cheap neighborhood because racism.

      But if you actually take a minute to add up the loose ends in the narrative you realize that the argument is that the schools in the poor minority neighborhoods aren’t actually crappy schools, they’re just beset by crappy student populations.

      The argument is literally that school choice is bad because the white kids will be taken out, which makes those schools will not perform as well, which hurts the non-white kids, because their schools will perform poorly without the white kids. Not even in code – I’ve heard this exact argument verbatim from Progressives, and even the linked article brags about how well the white student is able to utilize all the wonderful resources no one would have expected to find at that school.

      Note: this is supposed to be the non-racist argument.

      1. Glitterstorm

        Man fuck all that. If I ever have kids they will not go to public school in Georgia.

        1. square circle

          My daughter is in a “California Distinguished School,” and it’s a joke. For her, it’s six hours of recreational reading, since at least she has a teacher who’s conscious enough to notice that she’s on top of ‘the material.’

          Needless to say, we’re looking into private schools for sixth grade, but my Progressive brother and his wife, who live in a $1M house in a fancy school district that is great in every way except its ‘lack of diversity,’ think we’re being racist.

          1. Glitterstorm

            Yeah my coworker thinks I’m not diverse enough and he lives in lily white Decatur and I’m out in the boonies and went to my Mexican neighbor’s kids’ first birthday.

            Man what a party.

  40. Zero Sum Game

    School Police Officers with Guns Send the Wrong Messages, Says ACLU

    Ah, yes, what’s a day without proggy gun hysteria, but this time it’s aimed at police, which is at least slightly unusual.

    Kids will feel like they’re in prison!

    While you’re there you can’t leave, the meals suck, others there sometimes try to hurt you, exercise in the yard, boredom, lots of reading.

    Literally nobody has ever made that comparison.

    1. AlmightyJB

      That’s actually surprising that they wouldn’t want to get them used to that. Like they have with metal detectors and random locker searches. Must be amateurs.

    2. Vhyrus

      The truth is they want another bloodbath so they can dance on the still warm corpses while screaming for some muscle to take my guns away.

    3. Fatty Bolger

      And they certainly wouldn’t make a children’s cartoon out of it.

    4. “lots of reading”

      In schools? Cool! I had been led to believe otherwise, I’m glad they still do that reading thing.

      1. Zero Sum Game

        OK, I’ll confess that’s what I did. I loved the library.

        Still, they’d complain on and on about the few books they were forced to read, like The Count of Monte Cristo. For shame! (one of my very favorite books)

        Most of the rest of them were probably trying to get away with something, which is closer to a prison experience anyway.

    5. westernsloper

      I love how the ACLU has turned from being a group devoted to protecting liberties to full on progressive propaganda. I am not sure when that happened, but screw them.

      1. Suthenboy

        It never happened. You, like me and most other people just believed because of PR spin that the ACLU was once a group devoted to protecting liberties.

    1. Vhyrus

      Paging HM to the white courtesy phone….

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        Thanks for doxxing me, jerk.

    2. trshmnstr

      Isn’t Hihn a part of the libertarian party apparatus??

    3. Jimbo

      I am glad to tell you it took me a minute to determine WTF I was reading. The pic of Douglas is perfect.

      1. Glitterstorm

        I’m thinking about changing mine to his pic.

  41. Jimbo

    Libertarian woman found!

    Chinese engineer ‘marries’ robot after failing to find a human wife
    ‘Wife’ can identify Chinese characters and speak a few words, but hubby plans upgrades

    She speaks only a few words and he wants an upgrade? To make her mute, amirite?

    1. Glitterstorm

      You said it Jimbo.

      1. Hyperion

        Yeah, I agree too.

        /why there are no libertarian women.

        But he got it right about engineering her to do chores.

    2. Vhyrus

      Hopefully ‘no’ and ‘headache’ are not in the list.

      1. Jimbo

        Hey, wait a minute: are we married to the same woman?

        1. Vhyrus

          Considering how irregularly we fuck and how little she cleans the house, that would explain quite a bit.

          1. Glitterstorm

            Hey that’s my wife too.

  42. trshmnstr

    I heard a trickling in the backyard and went to investigate. Found a little waterfall!

    1. westernsloper

      Bro, that is not a waterfall. Do your neighbors have a plumbing problem?

      1. trshmnstr

        Hey, I moved from Texas! That’s a waterfall to me! (It’s a little rip-rap channel to the creek at the bottom of the ravine) I’m just happy to have water flowing on my property. The “creek” at my last property only flowed 5 or 10 days a year.

        1. westernsloper

          Aaaah, ok, that makes sense.

        2. Jimbo

          Does it smell like urine?

        3. commodious spittoon

          I’m just happy to have water flowing on my property.

          The EPA would like to have a word about the navigable waters recently found on your property.

          1. trshmnstr

            There are a few . . . hazards for the ships to watch out for.

      2. commodious spittoon

        Waterfalls are just rivers with shorter slopes.

    2. Vhyrus

      That looks nothing like a dumpster… I’m suspicious….

        1. Jimbo

          You got the bear to take away your garbage? Nice!

    1. Glitterstorm

      Is this the storyboard to a new Disney Pixar film?

      1. I saw something about the Vince Foster story on Lew Rockwell.

        I am looking at this site, which is maintained by a fellow who argues he was murdered.