Thursday Morning Links

I had such a peaceful drive through the pastoral settings of central Texas yesterday to get my daughter.  Listened to a few butthurt Dems lament the firing of the guy they demanded be fired a few weeks ago. Listened to the hype surrounding the deciding Game 7 between the Capitals and the Penguins. Heard surprisingly little about the Celtics vs Bullets (sorry “Wizards” but you’re always the Bullets in my book) and managed to conduct a little business.  Then I reached my destination and got to experience the joys of unloading a dorm room on the fourth floor in a building where the elevator wasn’t working. Bastards. Followed with a nice five hour return trip and a wonderful discussion with my daughter about how so many of her friends had transformed through the school year into shrieking aspies who were dead certain (from their 19 years of life experience) that Trump was destroying the country and the world. Thank God she was as amused in describing the performance art as I was in hearing the description.

Pretty much sums it up.

Anyway, only one of those things matters now.  So go ahead and vent Capitals fans.  Vent that your team laid a giant egg last night and played scared. Vent that your captain is a shrinking violet in pressure games. Vent that its 19 years now since they got to the finals (a series in which I got to go see the Red Wings beat them in Game 4 and skate around with the Stanley Cup and bring Vladdy onto the ice, which caused me to cry). This links is for your tears. So here we go.

The hypocrites aren’t even trying to hide it anymore. To one in particular, its part of The Big Payback. Hit me!

Shit gets worse and worse in Venezuela. If only those wreckers and capitalist instigators would have embraced the Chavistas none of this would have happened, eh comrades?

A typical Tuesday in Caracas.

Man arrested for hiring 16 year old to dance in a bikini. No word on whether or not they’re gonna shut down every cheerleader and swim team car wash next or if the good old double-standard will stay in place.

Colorado on the cutting edge of something big. I wonder where the protests are.

And aside from Comey’s firing, this should be the biggest story in the country right now. But I doubt it even makes the cable news.

One last lament for Caps and Oilers fans. This is for you guys.

Have a great day, dear friends!

Comments

532 responses to “Thursday Morning Links”

  1. ChipsnSalsa

    unloading a dorm room on the fourth floor in a building where the elevator wasn’t working

    You should identify as disabled and sue them.

    1. wchipperdove

      dang it….

    2. PieInTheSKy

      Meh throwing stuff out a window is the same regardless of the floor

  2. wchipperdove

    Wow. First? Oh, um, say, if hiring a 16-year-old to dance in a bikini is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

    Anyway, here’s some breakfast derp: When Angelino squirrels don’t eat nuts: a feminist posthumanist politics of consumption across southern California

    1. Slammer

      Feminists and nuts go together.

      Feminists and but don’t go together.

      Both jokes work.

      1. Slammer

        *nuts, not but*

        Fuck you, autocorrect

      2. Negroni Please

        feminists don’t do butt stuff?

        1. Q Continuum

          I have it on good authority from World Champion Super-Genius Savior Bill Nye that they do. Ergo = you’re all cishet shitlords that must be neutered.

        2. Rasilio

          No they’ll more than happily peg you to assert their dominance and challenge the cis hetero patriarchial paradigm

    2. WTF

      Juan Ramon Meza, 43, was charged with employment harmful to children, a second-felony punishable by up to 20 years in prison.

      So am I naive to assume that the state will actually have to show objective and quantifiable harm to the 16-year-old?

      1. FreeSociety

        She was statutorily raped hundreds of times by the eyes of passing motorists.

    3. Agent Cooper

      Yeah, not reading that.

  3. Frisco robbers used gay dating app to snare hate-crime victims, feds say

    According to the indictment, the men used social-media dating platform Grindr to pass themselves off as gay men, arranging to meet at the victims’ homes in February and January. Upon entering, the defendants assaulted the victims, restrained them with tape and made derogatory statements about their sexual orientation, the indictment states.

    In each case, the four had firearms and stole property, including motor vehicles, from the victim, according to the indictment, which was handed down by federal grand jury for the Eastern District of Texas.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      “The hate crimes carry a maximum penalty of life in prison. ”

      Ugh. These men “stole property, including motor vehicles,” why is that not sufficient to send them to jail?

      1. The Elite Elite

        Because if they stole that stuff from cis straight white men it’s not that big a deal. They stole from an oppressed group, so that’s just the ultimate evil.

        1. ChipsnSalsa

          Because if they stole that stuff from cis straight white men it’s not that big a deal.

          I believe that sort of activity is actually encouraged and applauded.

          1. WTF

            Something has to be done to even out all that white male privilege.

        2. Rasilio

          No the stealing stuff isn’t what is important, it is saying mean things to an oppressed group that is going to get them life

      2. straffinrun

        Lady Justice takes a peek under the blindfold and thinks, “Those shoes are awful. Must be straight.”

    2. ElspethFlashman

      There was a recent news article locally how a molester with a massage therapy office used coupons in the mail to lure victims. So, he’s not eligible under hate crime laws for any “enhanced sentence,” because his victims were mostly just white females of no particular protected class, and he didn’t steal property from the victims (aside from payments, I suppose). Just sayin’.

    3. Q Continuum

      So, if lesbians passed themselves off as regular old hetero Tinder harlots to rob straight men, would the treatment be the same? To ask the question is to answer it.

  4. Just a thought not a sermon

    25) I was listening to Ralph Stanley the other day, and the never-ending morbidity of the lyrics combined with the high-speed virtuosity struck me with a thought: Was bluegrass music the heavy metal of the 1940s?

    I mean, I sort of think of bluegrass as played by old guys, but back in the 40s and 50s these guys were young, probably rebellious types. Like heavy metal compared to standard rock, they played a type of music that was more of a niche, that had to be sought out, that probably appealed more to disaffected young types. Maybe there’s even a parallel between the kind of high-speed foot-kicking dancing bluegrass attracted and headbanging? Or am I way off base with this comparison?

    1. I think you’re way off seeing as bluegrass was pretty derivative of other folk music and had been played for probably 50 or more years prior to the 40s.
      Just my opinion.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        Au contraire, it is yet another parallel! Heavy metal was pretty derivative of existing rock that had been played for 20 or more years already. Just an offshoot of that rock with particular attraction to disaffected youth…

          1. Juice

            Dude needs to learn tremolo picking.

          2. KibbledKristen

            That’s like fusion jazz surf rock.

            But now it’s evident to me why Dick Dale is called the “grandfather of metal” or the “godfather of metal”

          3. Gilmore

            I can’t listen to The Ventures anymore without hearing double-kick-drum fills

          4. KibbledKristen

            On the other hand, the surf music WITH distortion is fucking awesome.

          5. Mike Schmidt

            Hell yeah, I really liked I Get Around part. Would like to hear the entire song that way.

          6. The Last American Hero

            Dude, do you even Six String Samurai

            6 String Samurai Dueling Guitars

          7. Warty

            Fuck, you beat me to it.

            Dick Dale is pretty metal. Dude has tigers for pets and shit.

        1. Enough About Palin

          Bluegrass’s roots are Irish music. Fiddle tunes and whatnot.

    2. This is like saying Mozart was the first punk …

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        Mozart was more like the Beatles–he wrote the book on how to do it. Liszt was the first punk. Beethoven was the Rolling Stones.

        1. My point is: drawing parallels across musical genres (and especially time) isn’t worth the brain cells. Different cultures and perceptions of what music was.

          Punk, for example, is amateur garage-band type music, one spawned as rebellion toward the mainstream. It’s hard to see how Listz, who was played piano since age 7, and received formal musical training could be compared to the genre, especially given the blues-based roots of rock music.

          1. Old Man With Candy

            Further, playing bluegrass takes exceptional skill at one’s instrument, not the case for things like punk or heavy metal. There are certainly some punk/metal guys who HAVE incredible skill, but it’s not a prerequisite for success as it is in bluegrass.

          2. Chipwooder

            As a devotee of both genres, skill is much, much more integral to metal than punk. Indifferent musicianship is often feature and a not a bug for punk bands. I used to have an old Misfits bootleg tape where Danzig starts yelling at the crowd in between songs, “We don’t care about making mistakes, fuck that shit. You care about that shit, go see a cock rock band or something.”

          3. I’m gonna have to take exception with the bit about metal. It’s a very, very different genre than punk. A “bad” metal band is bad because there’s either a lack of instrumental skill or uninspired composition. Most metal musicians are heavily influenced by classical music, and often jazz as well. There’s a reason that there’s a subgenre known as “math metal”.

          4. Sour Kraut

            +1 Dilinger Escape Plan

          5. A Leap at the Wheel

            +1 Texutures

          6. Warty

            Au contraire. Metal played without skills = Limp Bizkit or equivalent. I.e., really really not metal.

        2. Yusef drives a Kia

          Who was J. S. Bach?

      2. Slammer

        You know who else was from Austria?

        1. Tundra

          Yes, it’s FALCO!

          Why do you keep asking that question?

          1. PBRstreetgang

            Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?

          2. Sour Kraut

            Just going to leave this right here.

            http://www.falcomusical.com/

        2. Barbara Schett?

        3. WTF

          Arnold?

        4. straffinrun

          That migrant without any paperwork?

        5. Mike Schmidt

          Steve Irwin?

          1. Do you even speak Austrian?

          2. Private Chipperbot

            G’day, mate!

          3. WTF

            Forget it, the only foreign language he knows is Swiss.

          4. Mike Schmidt

            I just assumed Slammer had a typo

        6. Chipwooder

          Erich von Stroheim?

        7. Agent Cooper

          HUGE JACKMANS

          /winner

    3. Suthenboy

      My great grandmother was in a bluegrass band in the 1850’s. I restored her fiddle and it hangs on the wall now.

      1. PieInTheSKy

        My great great great great grandmother knew how to whistle. I am mentioning this because I don’t.

        1. Hammercorps

          Shoulda joined that gypsy troupe Pie.

      2. Was she metal?

        1. Chipwooder

          She was so metal she wore metal-studded leather hoop skirts.

    4. Rasilio

      iirc the disaffected youth of the 40’s were more into Swing and maybe even a little of that Negro music (aka Blues). Bluegrass was basically the country music of the 40’s

  5. I’ve got something in my eye…

    Elderly couple dies holding hands after 62 years together

    “We got him over to the nursing home with mama,” the couple’s daughter, Donetta Nichols, told the news station. “They had pushed their little beds together, and mama was laying right there, facing him. She was asleep, and Daddy goes, and he reached over there, and he grabbed a hold of her hand, and he just laid there with her, and it was so sweet.”

    Tom Ledbetter died a short time later. His wife followed not long after.

    “I mean, it was exactly how they wanted to go,” Nichols said. “It couldn’t have been any better.”

    1. Mike Schmidt

      I’m sure Rasilio will be along shortly to explain that this is the one successful marriage.

      Wait…they died. Does it go into the unsuccessful column?

      1. Negroni Please

        IDK. Everyone gets a hagiography when they die. But these folks got married only 3 weeks after their first date… Call me crazy, but I estimate a roughly zero percent chance that this marriage was anything but rocky as hell.

        1. Why would you say that? My parents got married 6 weeks after a blind date and their 50th is coming up this year. Banjos and I got married very, and I mean VERY, soon after we met and we’re pretty happy (even after three kids in quick succession, which is enough to drive one insane).

          1. Negroni Please

            Oh it’s certainly possible to get lucky like that. And in your case you knew going in that you were at least ideologically compatible (although if I recall correctly you were previously married to a psycho so you do know how hard it is to find the right person). I just find in incredibly unlikely that some dude could say “Hey Tom this here is Delma” and then those two people end up being perfect for each other in every way. I shudder to think what my life would have been like if I had married any of my first few girlfriends where I was smitten and oh so sure we were meant to be together. Especially if I were to have married in 1955 and the social mores of the time led me to stay with them forever.

            I certainly believe that happy marriages exist, but I’m skeptical that many of them were matches created by a random number generator. Presumably most happy couples knew a fair bit about each other’s personality, values, goals, and dreams before tying the knot.

          2. Old Man With Candy

            In all seriousness, SP and I knew within a week. We’re now going on ten years and this has been a fantastic marriage.

          3. Negroni Please

            Absolutely. And how old were you when you met? This is take 3 for you right?. I totally expect grown adults with a lot of relationship experience to be able to quickly suss out whether their current relationship is the right one or not. I’m skeptical of the kids of a previous era who got married in 3 weeks at age 19 and then stay together forever because that’s what was expected.

            Imagine if you stayed with your first wife forever because it was culturally and religiously expected of you?

            Happy relationships are classic survivor bias. My current relationship is going on 16 years now and we’re both very happy. We both knew pretty much right away that we were right for each other. Of course we both thought that about our previous failed relationships too…

          4. Rufus the Monocled

            /waves hands furiously.

            Way to go jinxing it, OMWC.

          5. Old Man With Candy

            We had had some online interactions (she was the sysop for a forum where I participated), but never anything that you could describe as anything beyond surface friendly and polite. Definitely not extensive and never anything outside of public. When marriage 2 was ending, a mutual friend (and someone I mentioned in my post about Greatest Jewish Guitarists) suggested that I might want to talk to her privately.

            I mark that as the start of the week it took for us. I was 52 at the time, she was 43.

            My first wife was a foaming-at-the-mouth feminist, and nuts. But she was a nationally-ranked college basketball player and had an athlete’s body. And I was younger and more hormone-driven. We would have killed each other for sure if we had been forced to stay together.

          6. straffinrun

            We all need to have that one awful chick that makes the good one stand out. Luckily, I didn’t marry the awful chick that I had shacked up with for a couple years.

          7. Old Man With Candy

            Funny thing is that if the Internet had been around when I met wife 1, I would have been able to avoid the situation because I could have looked up her playing stats. I found out later (much later) that she averaged 6 minutes per game and 6 fouls. I married the female Maurice Lucas.

          8. Rasilio

            What I and I suspect Negroni are getting at is that just because something can and does happen does not mean it is likely to happen or even have a measurable chance of happening.

            The fact that we celebrate things like this when they happen shows just how rare it is, and lets face it, just because they were still in love with each other till they died doesn’t tell us whether they were actually happily in love or miserable in love and we don’t have the slightest idea of they were actually totally monogamous over that time.

            The ODDS of this happening are tiny, it absolutely does happen and it isn’t even struck by lightening rare but anyone honestly looking at the odds would never bet on it.

            My belief that I never really got into yesterday is that we could build a better stronger model of marriage specifically by removing a lot of the emotional baggage that expectations of sexual exclusivity brings.

          9. butt-head

            My belief that I never really got into yesterday is that we could build a better stronger model of marriage specifically by removing a lot of the emotional baggage that expectations of sexual exclusivity brings.

            This reminds me of a lot of “social construct” arguments. I don’t buy it. We won’t, just by willing it / arguing it well, reach a point where everyone is the Rational (Wo)Man who can blithely dismiss jealousy and consternation over their romantic/sexual partners having other romantic/sexual partners. I’ve seen too many people haughtily try polyamory and fail dramatically. Indeed, the rare exceptions are the ones who make polyamory work, not monogamy.

          10. butt-head

            I’m also wary of chalking it up to mere odds, rather than people taking personal responsibility for their happiness and success in relationships; rather than, “oh, it didn’t work out, but it’s not my fault, this is how human beings have evolved / are socialized to be.” In fact, it’s anti-libertarian.

          11. I met my wife-to-be when I was 17 – completely random through the power of a slurpee, a broken knee, and an ex-girlfriend. (long story)

            Of course we didn’t get married until we were 29, but that was more of a hatred of social mores than anything else. As we got older and I started earning an income, marriage seemed like a good idea for the benefits and the decision to start having children. But yes, we had a long time to get to know each other, becoming best friends. If we had gotten married young, i would hazard to say we would still be together.

          12. The Elite Elite

            Is it bad that I originally read that sentence as “Hey Tom this is Dalmia?” Could you imagine being set up with Shikha?

          13. The Last American Hero

            She probably wouldn’t be able to object to you stepping out on her, so long as it was with an illegal immigrant.

          14. Chipwooder

            My wife and I were married five months after meeting on a blind date. In fairness, we had to speed things up quite a bit because, right after I proposed, I got orders to Okinawa for a year. Why forsake that sweet, sweet separation pay?

            Funny part is that we were set up by a married couple that neither of us knew all that well. The husband got kicked out of the Marines for being a druggie, and the wife was a stripper who had her own drug problems. After they split up, she became a prostitute who went to prison for working with her pimp to stick up her customers.

          15. Negroni Please

            Now this right here is a good marriage story people

          16. Chipwooder

            People always think we’re joking when we tell that story. Never fails to amuse the missus and me. She did something like 4 years in San Quentin.

            Oh, and there’s also this – they had a son together. The husband ended up waiving his parental rights and giving custody of the boy to his parents. The wife was in prison at that time, so she had no custody rights and thus has no contact with the kid anymore. The husband somehow got some kind of clerical job with the IRS despite his OTH discharge, and spends most of his time fire-dancing now. Not making that up either – the fire dancing group he’s a part of performed at halftime of a Niners game a year or two ago.

            See, Facebook DOES have a use – we wouldn’t know any of this if she hadn’t looked up my wife on it after getting out of the klink.

          17. Rufus the Monocled

            “I got orders to Okinawa”

            Stop the suspense. How do you Okinawa.

            Sounds kinky.

          18. Chipwooder

            Drinking habu sake, doing lots of karaoke, and scuba diving.

          19. Lachowsky

            How old are you? Your orders to Okinawa weren’t in 1945 were they?

          20. Chipwooder

            hah….I’m 40, but I also enlisted at a bit older than most. I was 26 when we met.

          21. Warty

            Was it an act of contrition or some awful premonition
            As if she saw into the heart of her final blood-soaked night
            Those lunatic eyes, that hungry kitchen knife
            Ah, I see sir, that I have your attention!
            Well, could it be?
            How often I’ve asked that question
            Well, then in quick succession
            We had babies, one, two, three

          22. Mainer

            I asked my wife to marry me after we’d known each other two weeks. That was 20 years ago.

        2. I think there are generational differences in culture that changed how people perceive marriage, what it’s for, etc. It seems like at a certain point the purpose of marriage in the popular mind went from forming and raising a family together to actualizing each other, “completing” each other. At that point, you’re doomed. It’s much easier to have a long-lasting, happy relationship with someone if you see each other as partners in a common enterprise, each responsible for pulling their own weight, helping each other achieve a common goal. It also brings you closer together, IMO. If you see your other half’s purpose as solving your problems or making you feel “whole”, you don’t really see them as a person so much as a tool, so you’re going to lack the respect and the humility you need for a successful relationship.

          1. Well said. When I was in college, we had friends – who always had a revolving number of relationships – ask my-then GF and I how we made things work. My answer was: “We don’t treat each other like shit, and we’re friends first.”

          2. My wife (then girlfriend) bought me a DVD of a bunch of videos directed by Michel Gondry, back when there were DVDs and people watched music videos on them sometimes, and I distinctly remember there was this bit where he was talking about something his brother had said to him about love. Basically, he was with his girlfriend for a long time, and he said that it’s normal to fall in and out of love with someone, but that’s different than love-love. You can’t stay “in love” forever; it’s like an emotional sprint, you just can’t sustain it over time. In those valleys, friendship is what sustains you. It’s nice to get butterflies when someone walks into a room, but the real paydirt is when you realize that the person you’d bitch about your wife to is your wife (or husband, or whatever).

          3. ChipsnSalsa

            Nicely said.

          4. stilljustcarol

            Very nicely said.

          5. butt-head

            So much this.

        3. stilljustcarol

          My parents met at a wedding, had a total of four dates spread over time (my dad was in the military) and were happily married for fifty-nine years when Dad passed. Fifty years into their marriage they had a spider invasion at the house and decided that they needed to stay in a hotel until the exterminator could take care of the problem. While I was on the phone making arrangements for the hotel the two of them were talking to each other like a couple of teenagers getting ready for one very frisky prom night. It would have been cute had I not been so grossed out.

      2. Old Man With Candy

        SP said to me last night, “I have no idea of how your first two wives let you live.” Does that make our marriage successful?

        1. Tundra

          You’re still alive.

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder

          I think that was foreshadowing.

          1. Old Man With Candy

            I’ve learned to sleep with one eye open.

          2. The Elite Elite

            Gripping your pillow tight?

          3. WTF

            Dammit!

          4. bacon-magic

            Exit light?

          5. WTF

            Gripping your pillow tight?

          6. straffinrun

            The brown one?

          7. Pope Jimbo

            If SP chokes to death now, it will be very, very suspicious.

          8. Old Man With Candy

            Our daughter (webdominatrix on this site) has predicted this.

        3. Rufus the Monocled

          Do you sill have a penis?

          Success!

          1. Old Man With Candy

            The way SP puts it, SHE has the penis, I just am allowed to keep it attached.

    2. straffinrun

      I expect to go the same way except my wife’s hands will be around my throat.

      1. “die, you son-of-a-bitch-die!” are probably the last words I will hear.

        Of course i will say on my deathbed: “The gold is hidden in the… uhhhh….” ::death rattle::

        1. straffinrun

          Bill expects a similar fate.

        2. It’s buried under the big W.

          1. Gets very mad, mad, mad, mad and *narrows gaze*

          2. ElspethFlashman

            OK, I lol’d. *slow golf clap*

    3. Gustave Lytton
  6. Four tons of garbage collected on Everest

    Workers and volunteers have collected four tons of garbage from the Chinese north side of Mount Everest in the first five days of a clean-up.

    The official Xinhua News Agency said on Thursday the local government in the Tibet region is setting up stations to sort, recycle and break down the garbage, which includes cans, plastic bags, stove equipment, tents, oxygen tanks and other mountain climbing paraphernalia.

    The nine-day clean-up that began on Saturday targets climbing trails and campsites between 5200 and 6500 metres.

    1. Agent Cooper

      “Chinese north side”

      I think we’ve found the problem.

  7. Just a thought not a sermon

    ” I got to go see the Red Wings beat them ”

    In light of the discussion on last night’s weird thread, this phrase takes on a whole new meaning for me

    1. The Elite Elite

      *projectile vomits*

      1. I still don’t know how Scotty Bowman transitioned to hockey coaching from managing Charlie’s Angels for so long. There’s so little crossover between the two jobs.

        1. ElspethFlashman

          True. One thing I loved about Scotty was how he would stare off into the rafters, it seemed like nothing could shake him. So then we he did get riled up, you knew it was important, goddammit, and the refs better pay attention.

          1. Private Chipperbot

            I always like how he just sorta took off the year that the Wings played zero defense with Coffey leading the way. After the season he said if they wanted to win the cup they’d man up and do it his way.

          2. The Last American Hero

            Dammit, now you’re dredging up bad memories of Coffey’s own-goal.

    2. Chipwooder

      In these uncertain times, I take a great deal of comfort in the knowledge that the Caps will get bounced in the second round. That kind of reliability is rare.

      /bitter Rangers fan

      1. As a Redskins fan making the transition to hockey, all of this feels strangely familiar…

        1. The Last American Hero

          I always thought of the Caps as more analogous to the Eagles rather than the Redskins.

  8. ChipsnSalsa

    And aside from Comey’s firing, this should be the biggest story in the country right now. But I doubt it even makes the cable news.

    from the article “Zubaydah, whose real name is Zayn al Abdeen Mohammed al Hussein”

    With name like that, your bound to get picked up by the CIA. Might as well get a Hitler in there to.

      1. Holy shit. And the guy she was trying to help was essentially a payday lender on a huge scale too.

      2. The Last American Hero

        And fuck Painter. He claims Clinton had no choice but to break the law because campaign finance laws don’t allow her to raise adequate funds. See, she really had no choice but to sell the office of SOS for personal gain.

        1. AlexinCT

          One set of rules for thee, and another for the left…

    1. Chipwooder

      Our insurance adjuster for my wife’s recent car wreck was named Osama.

      1. ElspethFlashman

        That’s when I would decide to be called by my middle name. You know?

        1. Lachowsky

          What if his middle name is Hussain?

          1. ElspethFlashman

            Then he should choose something completely different. Like David.

          2. Brett L

            Go FOTB Chinese: “Call me Oscar”

      2. commodious spittoon

        Just wait till you hear from the lawyer.

      3. The Last American Hero

        I interviewed a guy named Osama back in 2004. He said, “I go by Sam these days.”

  9. Mike Schmidt

    Colorado on the cutting edge of something big. I wonder where the protests are.

    Probably in D.C. blaming it on Betsy Devos

    1. Did they follow her up from Bethune-Cookman, where they booed her yesterday?

      1. WTF

        Funny how college students are so opposed to school choice.

    2. Hammercorps

      No protests yet, but I know if Hickenlooper signs this we’ll get an angry letter in the next local newspaper from our generally pissed off ex-teacher.

  10. PieInTheSKy

    U of Arizona Is Hiring snitches

    I actually feel kinda sorry for students who would actually report bias. I assume they also fancy themselves anti-authoritarian. But something is missing for a student who runs to the teachers to report colleagues for minor crap.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      These are people who have never been bullied in school. Could it be that bullying has beneficial social side effects?

      Let’s say tattle-taling is socially pernicious. But maybe parents and teachers have a bias in the way they raise their kids that blinds them to this, because tattle-taling allows them to run more orderly houses and classrooms. Other kids, though, can see through that and take care of the problem on their own via bullying. But when we eliminate bullying from the schools for what are surely good reasons, we get the negative unpredicted outcome that kids are now never socialized not to be snitches.

      1. straffinrun

        other parts of the job include planning social-justice programs for the residence halls, increasing “awareness and knowledge of diverse identities and how they influence interactions,” and promoting “inclusive communities through positive interactions.”

        The first part precludes the second part.

        1. mindyourbusiness

          Reason number 2.356 for living off-campus.

      2. ChipsnSalsa

        Kids figuring things out between themselves shouldn’t be classified as bullying. There is bullying that torments a kid for no reason other than that the kid is different from the group, that is terrible. It is a whole other thing when a kid gets called out by their peers for being a complete jack wagon.

      3. Scruffy Nerfherder

        We’ve got a cat that bites too hard when playing. The vet told us that was because he was raised without a sibling that would smack him down when he does that.

        Negative reinforcement works.

        1. WTF

          All animals need to learn that actions have consequences.

        2. The Elite Elite

          This is why only children are the worst.

          1. Hey! I resemble that remark!

        3. Mainer

          Just imagine if Obama’s Choom Gang had kicked his ass for taking extra tokes with his “interceptions”. He’d be a better man today.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      The first lesson in life and I always tell me daughter: NEVER SNITCH.

      You’re the worst kind of miscreant if you do.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        The youngest son was a horrible tattle tale. He would always come to me and try telling me how he had been abused by his siblings. My response was always “Huh, that sounds about what happens to tattle tales.”

        Right after that he would run to his mother and whine. She was also the youngest in her family so she was receptive to his complaints.

        1. Lachowsky

          My wife and I have been very consistent with our boy. He is only five, but he mostly understands that if he comes to either one of us with a tattle tale about what what someone did, his story is going to be ignored.

          No one likes a tattle tale. I don’t want my child to be “that kid”

          1. Chipwooder

            When my sister and I were kids and one of us would tattle on the other, my mother would always punish us both. One for doing whatever prompted the tattling, the other because “Nobody likes a rat”

          2. WTF

            Snitches get stitches.

        2. Rufus the Monocled

          At the daycare the educators are always teaching the kids not to tattle tale and here we have a fricken university legitimizing a loathsome behavior we teach to avoid.

          Fucken assholes.

        3. Hammercorps

          My response to getting punched/slapped/kicked by my siblings was to hit back. At which point we both got in trouble.

          1. As a kid I always got back at my older brother. There was always a low level of warfare going on.

            I once stabbed him – for some payback – with a Playmobil, leaving a foot imprint (you could read the copyright in reverse!) on his skin. Or the time where he was laying on the grass, waiting to go to church. I walked up and kicked him right in the head with my ol’ clunky Sunday shoes. Of course he made me pay for that later on.

            We never tattled on each other though.

          2. Hammercorps

            My sister and I (she was a complete tomboy) were the ones who always fought. We never tattled on each other, but we always threatened to. Not that it made much difference.

            We grew out of that fairly early on though, about the time we hit the teen years.

          3. AlexinCT

            The fighting or the ratting?

          4. Lachowsky

            I had a tough spot as a kid. My older brother had 4 years on me. I could never best him in a fight. I had little brothers that were 2 years younger than me. They were twins so I could never fight just one. My older sister could always beat me up until I got old enough that it was no longer acceptable to fight girls. I got my ass kicked as a kid all the damn time.

          5. My older brother has got 5 years on me so I was automatically over matched. That didn’t stop me from trying! And I still was “dangerous” enough to make him wary of bullying me since I would get back no matter what.

            My best friend was in the same type of situation – the youngest – and got wailed on by his brother. He never fought back though, trying to go for appeasement.

            Is there a lesson there? I dunno. I still harbor long grudges and can’t let slights to my “honor” (ha!) go.

          6. Lachowsky

            I would think that the lesson is-

            Always fight back.

            Like I said, I got my ass kicked all the time when I was a kid, but that didn’t stop me from trying. Losing has it virtues. I’m probably a more resilient person for my efforts.

      2. My dad, who was a cop, hammered that into me from a young age. Nobody respects a snitch, including the police.

    3. Agent Cooper

      The Stasi is alive and well.

  11. american socialist

    Isnt deadspin supposed to be a sports site?

    https://mobile.twitter.com/davidharsanyi/status/862638245556957184

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Its gawker so… no?

      1. american socialist

        Yea i know they just peeve me pretending to be something they arent

        1. PieInTheSKy

          But do they really pretend anymore?

    2. Agent Cooper

      Deadspin is garbage.

  12. Trigger Hippie

    No joy in Mudville. Eh, Sloopy? If it makes you feel any better, my favorite NHL team was never reached the finals. I feel your pain.

    1. My pain occurred the day the Red Wings were eliminated from playoff contention this year, ending the streak of years in the postseason. Couple that with the Joe not seeing playoff hockey in its last year and yeah, this season sucked.
      I have no love whatsoever for the Caps. None for any D.C. Sports teams for that matter. I cried when they brought Vlad Konstantinov on the ice because it was so sad what happened to him.

      1. Trigger Hippie

        Red Wings fan, huh? Well then, I don’t feel bad for you at all. In fact, your suffering sends a tingle up my leg. Now sufffaaaa….

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      I don’t think Pepe’s creator quite grasps how the internet works.

    2. thepasswordispassword

      I’ve started to see Harry Potter getting the Nazi meme treatment as well after some trolls got tired tired of constant comparisons to the novels. Trying to associate the series with alt-right and kill the appeal.

  13. Poop bombs: the Venezuelan opposition’s new weapon

    The devices have been dubbed “Puputov cocktails” on social media, and they are becoming the trending weapon at anti-government protests in Venezuela. That is pronounced “poo-poo-tov,” and as the name indicates, they are nothing more and nothing less than bombs made with feces.

    This low-tech weapon is now being used by protesters facing riot officers from the National Guard and the Bolivarian National Police on the streets of a country in the grip of social, political and economic upheaval. The next protest is scheduled for Wednesday, and posters are calling it “La Marcha de la Mierda,” literally the Shit March.

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Wait how do they wipe after producing the bombs?

      1. commodious spittoon

        Plenty of old bolivars to go around.

    2. Just a thought not a sermon

      Or, “why you should never let your economy run out of toilet paper.”

    3. Negroni Please

      Puputov Cocktail….. Band name?

    4. Slammer

      Venezuela has Chipotles?

      1. Trigger Hippie

        They’re throwing poop, not radioactive sludge.

    5. straffinrun

      This is why the revolution won’t be televised.

      1. Lachowsky

        I’m surprised this isn’t getting more coverage. The people of venezuela are marching to protest Trump. I saw it on Msnbc.

    6. ElspethFlashman

      Yes, but La Marcha de la Mierda just rolls off the tongue better than “Shit March.”

      1. You know who else sounded better with their native tongue…

    7. Brett L

      Attending these is violating Niven’s 1st and 2nd laws.

      1) Never throw shit at a man with a gun
      2) Never stand next to the guy throwing shit at a man with a gun

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      I like this! It’s certainly better, than say, you being forced to give money like we are for a lot of other “scientific” studies.

    2. Lachowsky

      I woyld like it if scientists would give me money to study psychadellics.

    3. Rasilio

      Hey man I just need a couple hundred grand for my next hit, after that I’m going clean and studying global warming

  14. Tundra

    Groovy song.

    Trotz doesn’t want to talk about Ovi.

    I can’t blame him.

  15. Scruffy Nerfherder

    The freakout continues unabated.

    Moreover, this coup was not a sudden whim on Putin’s or Trump’s part. Might even have been decades in the planning, as the Russians made deals, lent money, bribed, wined, dined, entertained, and seduced, and….. made tapes.

    Career-, if not even life-, destroying tapes. Blackmail that weak and greedy men would commit treason in payment of, telling themselves that the United States wouldn’t be TOO damaged.

    violence or non violence???

    that is the question. This freaking POS is just pushing us…….to do something. Apparently they have such a low opinion of the American people, we have Putin grinning in his vodka to cause chaos in the US, he wants it all. He has his puppet in the WH, this is disgusting. Yes I am extremely upset, stay vigilant and keep on calling your reps and senators. Oh by the way, McConnell can fuck off!

    Trump is a sworn enemy of Democracy in general.

    It only works out by coincidence that the USA is his closest target
    at hand. He takes shots at all of the rest of them as time allows.

    1. straffinrun

      Some here may say Everyday Feminism is the peak, but for my money I go with DU.

      1. PieInTheSKy

        I heard Everyday Feminism was closing due to lack of funds… Gonna be a sad day for the interwebs

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          I don’t know. The derp has gone from being interesting to funny to irritating to disturbing. The less there is the better but never fear, there will always be plenty of it out there to make fun of.

          1. commodious spittoon

            But think, with a little patronage they could have punched through disturbing and become the feminist equivalent of that ISIS newsletter.

        2. straffinrun

          Oh, that’s red ink. Thank god. I stepped in it.

      2. Suthenboy

        Suderman was the first name that popped in my head.

        1. Suthenboy

          Oh, commenters at DU. It sounded like a Suderman column to me.

          1. FreeSociety

            You should read his blog post from yesterday, basically saying the Russian hacking narrative has some real merit and that Rep. Chaffetz is a hypocrite because he was planning a series of investigations and inquiries on Hilary but now that she’s not elected, he’s not going to do that anymore. It’s like giving a guy shit because he’s not rooting for a team in the playoffs that never made it to the playoffs.

    2. Viking1865

      Member when the Left mocked any notion of Russian influence on American politics as the Red Scare?

      1. Floridaman

        Yeah, whenever they are accused of it.

      2. Lachowsky

        That was back when the Russians were commies and totes okay. Now that they are not, Russian influence is bad.

        1. commodious spittoon

          That was back in 2012.

          Not to mention 2008.

        2. AlexinCT

          If you go by people that want to avoid discussing the criminal activity at the DNC and Clinton foundation, and more importantly, would hate for others to find out some insider pissed that the bullshit did it, those evil Rooskies embarrassed the left and ruined the She-beast’s run for the WH. Or something. So now they are the bad guys, and since that orange guy stole the election from a more qualified top woman whose great success was ridding the coat tails of a rapist scumbag, he has to be in cahoots with them…

          Because it just couldn’t be people rebelling against a corrupt establishment that sees them as dispensable drones that should serve the elite…

    3. Chafed

      Written by Tommy Carcetti. It takes a brave radical to use a fake name.

      1. I like that he picked the name of a fictional character based off of Martin O’Malley as mayor of Baltimore, when he first developed his reputation for corruption and incompetence.

    4. WTF

      Trump is a sworn enemy of Democracy in general.

      Yes, yes, the guy who was elected in a free and fair election is democracy’s enemy, not the idiots trying to overturn it.

      Putin grinning in his vodka to cause chaos in the US,

      So, you shall oppose this by protesting, rioting, refusing to accept election results, and causing chaos in the US? Deep thinker, there.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Putin doesn’t strike me as a heavy drinker. The worst ones aren’t.

    5. commodious spittoon

      Russia is the left’s Birtherism. And, frankly, Trump is right to string this along. The longer it plays out with absolutely nothing showing, the longer the left looks like a bunch of jackanapes for playing it up.

    6. thepasswordispassword

      I thought Putin didn’t drink vodka though? The Russian equivalent of a teetotaler who only occasionally drinks beer.

      1. one true athena

        Didn’t he come out of one of their intel services? I can see where that would be a much better path to success when a majority of your fellows tend to be heavy drinkers.

        1. thepasswordispassword

          KGB in East Germany, got involved in politics and ended up appointed head of the FSB by Yeltsin (notorious alcoholic). So probably a few factors involved in the lifestyle. (Conspiracy theory parallels: Trump is also a known teetotaler in contrast to the death of his alcoholic brother.) Although I guess there is a state owned vodka brand bearing his name and likeness if you wanted to charitably reinterpret the comments.

  16. Mike Schmidt

    The greatest quarterback in history is backing an interesting online venture.

    The only part I don’t understand is why they used a picture of him in a Chiefs uniform.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      That doesn’t look like Dan Marino. And Marino never played for the Chiefs.

      1. Haybob

        Brings me back to the classic who was better Marino, or Montana. Montana had the Super Bowls and a strong team. Marino had the numbers and pretty much no support.

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          I grew up idolizing Marino. Remember those debates well. The Dolphins were AWFUL through most of his career. They had him, and a couple decent WRs, and a couple decent OL… and that’s it. That the Dolphins were as good as they were through his career (think they only had a couple of losing seasons) is an absolute miracle.

          1. Chipwooder

            For all but maybe 3 seasons of his career, the Dolphins defense ranked in the bottom half of the league. I’m not even a Dolphin fan but it really irritates me when people denigrate Marino’s career because he had the gall to play for a team that never gave him a decent running game or defense.

        2. Old Man With Candy

          I thought Unitas would be the best I’d ever see in my life but Montana proved me wrong. Marino might barely make the top 5.

          1. WTF

            Montana had a really good team around him. Marino had mostly shit.

          2. Old Man With Candy

            Montana made the people around him great- there was a lot of turnover during his tenure. What he did that, in my mind, separates him from the rest was the thing that Unitas could do, but maybe even better- be absolutely fearless about being hit, getting the ball off a microsecond before the collision, accurately and quickly. Both of them had that leadership quality of, “We have under two minutes and no time outs. We’re two scores down. We have them right where we want them.” And then pull it off. Amazing cool, calm, and clock awareness.

          3. Mike Schmidt

            ^ This. I’d never say Marino isn’t a great QB, just that he’s not the greatest. He may have even been more talented – he had a stronger arm for sure. But Montana had what OMWC just described above. Probably the greatest example of that is the John Candy story:

            Trailing by three points and standing at his own 8-yard line, Montana broke the ice in a tense huddle by pointing out John Candy in the stands. From there, Montana cemented his Super Bowl legend, completing 8-of-9 passes on the 11-play drive that ended with a 10-yard TD strike to John Taylor with 34 seconds left.

          4. Jarflax

            Mike, thank you for triggering me! In the 34 seconds that were left I finished a fifth of bourbon, then “walked” uptown in Oxford where I proceeded to get into a fight with some random guy in a Niner’s shirt, which ended with me burning his shirt. I do not remember anything else until the next day.

          5. Chipwooder

            Yeah, here’s the thing – Montana had great defenses. Because of Montana and Rice and Craig and company, everyone remembers how awesome their offense was. Their defenses were almost as good, though. Marino never had defenses anywhere near as good as the ’80s Niners.

        3. Rufus the Monocled

          What’s impressive – and under appreciated – about Marino is he still got the Dolphins to two Super Bowl appearances.

          Duper and Clayton were the only support he had.

          1. Juvenile Bluster

            Just the one, in ’84.

            His ’84 season is still by far the best IMO. The records have been broken, but if he’d played in the era where DBs aren’t allowed to look at WRs without drawing a flag, his numbers would’ve been even more incredible.

            Especially when you consider that defenses didn’t have to bother to respect the run game. His RB was Tony Nathan. Who was terrible.

          2. F. Stupidity Jr.

            Only one SB appearance for Marino.

          3. F. Stupidity Jr.

            *should have refreshed*

      2. The Last American Hero

        We all know that Tebow was the greatest ever. ESPN had football sabermetrics to prove it.

        1. Mike Schmidt

          Well, those sabermetrics obviously don’t include the “wokeness quotient.” Add that and Kaepernick is 1st and 2nd best EVER

        2. KibbledKristen

          No, no, no…we all know Michael Sam was the best ever.

    2. straffinrun

      He should call it Tendr and let you swipe the meat left or right.

      1. Agent Cooper

        *narrows colon*

    3. What the fuck is new about that? If I wanted to split a cow, I’d just post a CL ad and have a dozen calls in an hour. Then I’d go to the butcher and pay him, cone back in a few days and collect the meat that he had divided according to the shares.

      1. Tundra

        My farmer will sell me as much of the cow that I want. I didn’t realize this wasn’t the norm.

        I suspect this venture is targeted toward people who had no idea where the meat came from in the first place.

        1. Mike Schmidt

          Joe Montana teams up with Seattle-based startup Crowd Cow

          I’d say your suspicions are spot-on

        2. Private Chipperbot

          Yeah. This is weird. We just bought a 1/4 cow. We have chicken coming from my brother in law, and will order part of a pig in a few weeks. I’m guessing them top men city folk figure stores just shit out meat and put on the shelves.

          1. WTF

            They know damn well that meat comes from the grocery store. They have no clue how it gets there.

        3. Lachowsky

          In my pasture I have a steer that was a twin. His mother rejected him, so I had to bottle feed him for 4 months. He is now about almost a year old and has spent the last month in the lot eating nothing but sweet grain. He is about 800 pounds. On Monday he is going to the butcher. The Lachowsky house is getting ready to be fully supplied with beef for the foreseeable future.

        4. The Last American Hero

          Why would you buy it? Can’t get the milk for free?

      2. Mike Schmidt

        Don’t ever question Joe Montana again. Ever.

        1. You’re gonna be disappointed when he lays out the multi-level trapezoid the whole thing runs as.

          1. Mike Schmidt

            Disappointed…or inspired?

          1. Old Man With Candy

            Most interesting QB ever would have to be Frank Ryan.

          2. Tundra

            Certainly among the smartest.

          3. straffinrun

            My mom actually treated Tommy Kramer for his abuse problems. She failed.

          4. Tundra

            Ah, yes. The drunken King of the Rusty Scupper!

          5. Mike Schmidt

            Tommy had a lot of potential.

          6. straffinrun

            He was my hero growing up. Tommy and Sammy White.

          7. Rufus the Monocled

            And she blames herself for not having done more?

          8. straffinrun

            She worked at a place called Hazelton. Lots of local celebs went there. Think Chris Farley did a spell there.

          9. Private Chipperbot

            Then he used a tax loophole created by Donald Trump himself

            File under weird, but true. We hired an investigator for my company that was best friends with Farley. He actually looks just like him as well. His brother, a priest, is the inspiration for the Matt Foley character.

          10. Private Chipperbot

            Woops. Quote fail. Thought I copied ‘run’s Farley sentence.

          11. straffinrun

            Do we need to prepare a cot for you, Chipper? That Minnesota fat is a unique kind of fat. You could almost call it a healthy fat. Almost.

          12. Rufus the Monocled

            Farley? So far it sounds like they have a poor track record.

          13. straffinrun

            I doubt any of the rehab centers had much success back then. Even now they don’t do so well.

          14. KibbledKristen

            Minnesota Fats? Love that guy!

          15. Tundra

            The rehab-industrial complex is powerful here in Minnesota. It’s really quite a nice scam – out of the way place to dry out and lay low until the shit dies down.

            No, the track record isn’t particularly good, since a lot of the people there weren’t exactly going on their terms. One of my cousins failed several times through that place. Funny, he’s been clean for years now, once he decided to – you know – stop using.

      3. ChipsnSalsa

        y’all a bunch of fly-over country hicks. The coastal betters need an app to get their meat.

      4. Agent Cooper

        I just bought a 1/4 cow in January. It’s delicious.

  17. PieInTheSKy

    Genetically modified moths… This sounds like a bad movie like Mimic or something

    http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2017/05/10/genetic-engineering-moths/#.WRQ8CTclFaS

    1. Unless they can carry two diminutive Japanese women, I don’t want to hear it.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        +1 Toho

      2. straffinrun

        Funny. Japanese women are scared to death of moths. I don’t get it all all. My wife will run out of the room if she sees one but has not problem picking up a praying mantis. Those things freak me out.

        1. FreeSociety

          When I was a wee-shaver, a fad swept through the school where all the boys would capture and keep praying mantises in little enclosures and then we would feed grasshoppers to them and as competitive tensions rose, our mantis’ would fight to the death while we gambled lunch money on the contests. So let me just tell you, praying mantises are fucking awesome.

          1. Mike Schmidt

            My gawd…that is so awesome.

            Some might call it sick. I sir, do not.

          2. FreeSociety

            Meh, if they were mammals it might have triggered my empathy gland. We’re talking about critters with a brain scarcely bigger than a small collection of human skin cells.

          3. Floridaman

            But enough about Socialists. 😉

          4. FreeSociety

            What the fuck is that? Parasite?

          5. straffinrun

            Yeah. HM gave a nice breakdown a few years back on it. I think this video captures what you boys in school did.

          6. FreeSociety

            love the sound track

          7. straffinrun

            I couldn’t make it to the end. Feeling a little ill.

          8. FreeSociety

            Damn Japanese side of youtube, you scary!

  18. Scruffy Nerfherder

    So the big local story has been about how Dominion needs to build power lines across the James River to supplement the local grid and prevent rolling blackouts during peak demand. A variety of interest groups have been fighting it for the last two years because “viewshed” and other bullshit concerns. The economics were pretty straightforward from the beginning, the least expensive option (by a longshot) was to run elevated lines across the river.

    The issue was finally settled this past week. What was the compromise you might ask? Dominion is paying off all of the local mob. Historic societies, local tribes, etc… are all getting millions so they will shut the hell up about something that didn’t affect them anyway. All of those millions will of course be extracted from the locals in the form of higher rates.

    I should have figured that was the endgame from the beginning.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s going to fuck up the viewshed for everyone right? They need to let y’all wet your beaks too.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Some of us are happy with cheap, reliable power.

    2. KibbledKristen

      How do I get in on that scam?

      A) Set up organization
      B) Bitch about every major project
      C) ???
      D) Profit!

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        C) is being willing to look like a complete ass in front of your whole community.

    3. Chipwooder

      I’m already pissed at Dominion for double-charging me last month. Assholes.

  19. Tundra

    Fuck elections. What we need is some good ol’ diversity quotas!

    “We should be mandating diversity in our committees, mandating diversity in our hiring practices, mandating diversity throughout the United States Senate,” Cortez Masto said. “You just have to walk in the room and look at the senators that are there — the 100 senators, right? You could see the lack of diversity,” said Cortez Masto during her interview.

    It gets really dumb after that.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      DIVERSITY!

      Diversity?

      Diversity diVERsity diversity……

    2. straffinrun

      Sounds like a great leap forward.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      YOU FUCKEN DIVERSE HARDER NOW OR ELSE.

    4. WTF

      Fuck elections, we need legislators to be appointed by Top Men.

    5. The Elite Elite

      So, how should we get started? Let’s replace that old white man, Joe Biden, with Mia Love? Replace yet another old white man, Bernie Sanders, with Ann Coulter? Do you think this might be the kind of replacements they’d like?

      1. WTF

        No, their wrongthinkfulness renders them not authentically woman and/or black.

    6. FreeSociety

      Diversity= less white people, more anyone else. And I’m expected to clap like a trained seal at the prospect that I and my children be knocked down a few pegs in all aspects of our lives.

    7. Juice

      Goose, gander.

  20. Juvenile Bluster

    Ah, American policing.

    * Cop actually doesn’t shoot suicidal man
    * Department fires cop for not shooting suicidal man
    * Fellow cops text non-shooting cop, calling him a coward

    Mader’s decision to talk Williams down instead of shooting him was based on his military and police training, the lawsuit states. Williams wasn’t aggressive, Mader told HuffPost, which led him to believe the man was only a threat to himself and that he wasn’t looking to harm anyone else.

    “Saying the words ‘Just shoot me’ sent up the red flag that he was just trying to harm himself and no one else. He’s not here to hurt anybody but himself. That’s what made me make my decision. He needed help,” Mader said.

    The lawsuit also claims that Kuzma, the officer who shot Williams, sent Mader disturbing text messages after a press conference on Sept. 14, 2016, in which police officials alleged that Mader had escalated the shooting incident.

    According to the suit, Kuzma called Mader “a coward” who “didn’t have the balls to save[his] own life” before calling Mader and his mother “loud mouth pieces of shit” who would get an officer killed.

    1. The Elite Elite

      Guy wasn’t trigger happy? We don’t need their kind in our PD! Shoot first, procedures were followed later.

      1. Hammercorps

        Procedures? What are you talking about? Procedures are simply an obstacle to prevent us from catching all the bad guys!*

        *Definitions may vary and are subject to change on a whim.

    2. WTF

      Right, the guy who didn’t shit his pants and panic-fire is the coward. And freedom is slavery.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        The dude that didn’t shit his pants and panic-fire served as a Marine and completed two tours of duty in Afghanistan. I’m guessing the shooty cop would shit his pants if he ever saw active military duty.

        1. The Elite Elite

          Why is it that we expect massive restraint of our soldiers in a damn warzone, but police showing no restraint when dealing with our fellow citizens gets excused?

          1. WTF

            Because fuck you that’s why. I think cops should not be allowed to fire unless fired at first. If you can’t handle that, find another fucking job.

          2. The Elite Elite

            That’s kind of how I’ve always felt. For everyone that says to me “Hey, it’s a dangerous job” all I can say is “Yes, so if they can’t handle that, they should get employed doing something else.” Putting your life on the line is in the job description, so if you panic and go shooting someone innocent, killing the family dog, or throwing a flashbang into a baby’s crib, “I was in fear of my life” isn’t a good enough excuse. Get another job!

          3. WTF

            Except it’s not even a particularly dangerous job. Check the national labor statistics on job mortality. Cops are quite a ways down on the list. Even sanitation workers have higher on the job mortality than cops.

          4. Lachowsky

            “Hey, it’s a dangerous job”

            That shit pisses me off to no end. My fucking job is more dangerous than a police officers.

            Years ago, my little brother was tasered in the chest by a police officer. He was charged with a felony of obstructing governmental operations. I could write forever about this story, but long story short-

            It was absolutely unjustified, my father sued the department, and the charges were dropped. The cop that tasered my little brother justified his actions by telling my dad that he was just trying to get home to his family. Fuck him.

            P.S.
            The cop that taseredy brother committed suicide about 6 years later while under indictment for drug trafficking charges. Good Riddance.

          5. straffinrun

            That is an awful story. As tragic as suicide is, I’m glad that at least he didn’t kill any one on his way out. Or did he?

          6. Chipwooder

            As Sheriff Bell says in No Country For Old Men, “I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job.”

          7. Chipwooder

            anyway, regarding the dangers of policing – I imagine that’s fairly variable, dependent on where you look. In most places like small towns and suburbs, I agree, being a cop isn’t particularly dangerous. In shitty parts of New Orleans or Chicago, probably a bit more.

          8. Yeah, I take the “danger” thing with a grain of salt. Sure, it can be, depending on the situation, but it’s also a job where you’re issued with firearms, tasers, pepper spray, ballistic armor, and the ability to call in reinforcements. You have the legal authority to detain someone in the street, restrain them, and throw them in a cage until the judge gets back from lunch. If you shoot someone, most likely you’ll go on paid vacation until it’s ruled a “good shoot”, and then you’re back at work as a hero.

            So, you know, fuck off, officer. Deliver pizza to public housing projects and then tell me how dangerous your job is.

    3. Juice

      “Once he made the decision [Williams] was not a threat, the U.S. Constitution says he’s not allowed to shoot,”

      Huh? What part is that?

  21. Sour Kraut

    The collapse in prices for Venezuela’s crucial oil exports has left it short of cash to import medicine and basic goods

    Hard hitting journalism right there. What other cause for the shortages could there be.

    The opposition blames President Nicolas Maduro for the crisis.

    But that’s just like, your opinion, man!

    1. straffinrun

      Maduro is the problem. Everything was fine under Chavez.

      1. FreeSociety

        Poor Venezuela. They just happened, by accident, to acquire the wrong Top. Men. It’s all just a misunderstanding.

        1. AlexinCT

          They executed poorly, and thus, failed to bring about heaven on earth…

    2. PieInTheSKy

      Bad luck man, bad luck. And wreckers. Bad luck wreckers

      1. Suthenboy

        I believe BO said exactly that about the US being in the economic doldrums.

        1. WTF

          Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded — here and there, now and then — are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty.

          This is known as “bad luck.”

          1. wchipperdove

            Heinlein, of course.

      2. Stinky Wizzleteats

        The capitalist patriarchy want him gone because he was showing the world we don’t have to settle for male white corporate oppression. Once again (((they))) have ruined a good man.

      3. commodious spittoon

        Socialism is the unluckiest political philosophy ever conceived. Every time it’s tried it runs into nothing but bad luck.

        1. AlexinCT

          I know you were being sarcastic here, but the progs really believe this is exactly the problem…

          Bad luck, wreckers, and kulaks..

  22. KibbledKristen

    Here in DC, we set our watches by the Caps choking.

    “Caps choked? Must be 8:42am on May 11!”

    1. Viking1865

      That 2nd period was vintage Caps choking.

      1. How are you gonna have all the hustle and bustle and yet, whenever you’ve got a chance to take a shot on goal, you slow it down and pass it back to your boy? I swear to god, it’s like every other time a Cap could either take a shot or pass, they’d pass.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Upon entering, the defendants assaulted the victims, restrained them with tape and made derogatory statements about their sexual orientation, the indictment states.

    “She doesn’t mind the language, it’s the beating she don’t need

    1. Tundra

      +1 nasty little rash

  24. Juvenile Bluster

    Epic rant on the shittiness of the Capitals

    Everyone was making the “Ovi is the only Russian not influencing DC these days” joke last night. Everyone.

    1. KibbledKristen

      He’s saying Ovi is the Maria Sharapova of hockey?

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        She’s actually won stuff, even if it was drug-aided.

        1. Yeah. Should have called him the Anna Kournikova of hockey.

          1. robc

            Kournikova won plenty in team events (doubles), unlike Ovi.

        2. KibbledKristen

          I meant Anna Kournikova. I get those two confused.

          1. Sour Kraut

            That’s so sexist.

          2. Tundra

            Face?

            /sexist pig

          3. I’m so triggered right now. And by triggered, I mean crawling the Internet for more cheesecake pics of Anna Kournikova.

          4. KibbledKristen

            They all look the same to me.

    2. KibbledKristen

      He’s saying Ovi is the Maria Sharapova Anna Kournikova of hockey? (FIFM)

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        That makes more sense. Yep.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      I’m always wary about these emotional reactions.

      Reminds me when I had to calm my Portuguese friends down about Ronaldo when they were growing increasingly impatient on his international performance. At the time he didn’t have the quality of players and tactics to support him. Then – poof – it all unlocked itself. Same with Messi.

      I think Ovechkin is an outstanding player and the Capitals did the right moves in my view including getting Trotz. The window is not closed….yet.

      Let’s wait and see I say.

      Other than that. Fleury was lights out.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Oops. ‘with his international performance’. And about Messi, I meant he’s going through similar criticism with Argentina – and still helped them along to a WC final in 2014. Very hard to win an international trophy. Plenty of great players didn’t win one – Maldini and Baggio for example.

      2. I’m bitter ’cause I lost $20 and I’m from the area, but, objectively, it’s worth considering that the Pens are a damn good team, and, as you say, Fleury was on last night. Pittsburgh didn’t make any mistakes, and whenever the Caps made a mistake they got punished hard. It was the Dark Souls of hockey games.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Should have called him the Anna Kournikova of hockey.

    Ouch.

  26. PieInTheSKy

    Magazine editor quits after outrage over column saying he doesn’t believe in cultural appropriation

    I always found the concept of cultural appropriation incredibly stupid and still cannot understand how it is a thing.

    1. Tundra

      Well, it’s definitely a requirement for any advancement at all. Which is probably why they are against it.

    2. straffinrun

      The intention behind the magazine is to offer space for honest and challenging discussion and to be sincerely encouraging to all voices. The Union recognizes that intention is not enough, and that we failed in execution in this instance.

      Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. You.

      1. straffinrun

        Meant that to be a silent scream. Oops.

      2. WTF

        The intention behind the magazine is to offer space for honest and challenging discussion and to be sincerely encouraging to all voices.
        Obviously not.

    3. I’m pissed at all of the cultures that appropriated the ideas of Thomas Edison! (or whatever white man you want to put here).

      1. WTF

        Yes, all other cultures must henceforth eschew anything developed by Western civilization and culture, including the enlightenment, democracy, technology, universities, etc.

        1. Hammercorps

          No, because the West doesn’t have a culture, they just stole everyone else’s culture, so, you can’t appropriate Western “culture.”

          1. FreeSociety

            That’s what I keep hearing. Even the French who are, by and large, the epitome of cultural snobbery elected a president who often said things like “France has no culture, the immigrants bring us culture.” Justin Trudeau said the same thing not long ago. It seems to be a primary talking point among globalists.

          2. WTF

            Those crafty Westerners, managing to steal all sorts of stuff from people who never had it in the first place! Must be some of that Tricknology.

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Fine. Fuck their cultures. I never want to hear about them if they’re so sensitive that they can’t tolerate someone else learning and communicating ideas from them.

      1. Michael

        They really should stop appropriating white people’s tricknology to send out tweets condemning cultural appropriation. I find it deeply offensive.

    5. ChipsnSalsa

      The intention behind the magazine is to offer space for honest and challenging discussion and to be sincerely encouraging to all voices

      So we fired the guy who tried to do this.

      1. WTF

        They are rejecting the Western cultural concept of logic.

    6. Microaggressor

      The alternative to cultural appropriation is cultural segregation. There’s no better way for a culture to die out than to forbid the vast majority of a population from taking interest in it.

    1. Private Chipperbot

      He is an inspiration!

    2. WTF

      Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon…

    3. commodious spittoon

      Kevin Spacey?

    4. Chipwooder

      I like how he cops to the bj, but he says he stopped her. I’m guessing it was after about 10-15 minutes…..”Hey, you know what? We really shouldn’t be doing this”

      1. At that point I say in for a penny, in for a pound.

        But yeah, the guy’s a hero. I’ll be 39 this year, and if I could convince a teenage girl to give me a hummer it would be tremendously validating. Not that I’m gonna try or anything. Just sayin’, I’d be flattered by the offer.

        1. Rasilio

          Yeah but you gotta wonder how the wife feels about it

          1. Walford

            In my version, she is joining in.

  27. The John Oliver Property Tax Scam: HBO Comedian Secretly Buys Manhattan Mansion

    Back in July 2014, in an episode in which he lamented the Wealth Gap in America” (which has resulted in the richest one percent of Americans controlling 20 percent of annual income), Oliver said, “At this point the rich are just running up the score…What sets America apart is that we are actively introducing policies that disproportionately benefit the wealthy,” such as tax cuts and loopholes like trusts.

    So it’s a little surprising to discover that just months before, Oliver had a tax attorney set up two revocable trusts, one for him and one for his wife, to hide the couple’s purchase of a $9.5 million Manhattan penthouse. Then he used a tax loophole created by Donald Trump himself back in the 1970s, when the current president was merely a prominent New York real estate developer and aspiring celebrity author.

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Well hes just blaming the game not the player… The fact that a man like him was corrupted by the system and compelled to use tax loop whole only proves how bad they are.

    2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    3. Private Chipperbot

      Then he used a tax loophole created by Donald Trump himself

      Trump actually created it or just used it?

      And, holy shit, there are a lot of ‘to be sures’ in that article.

      1. Trump Time Machine!

      2. Viking1865

        “Trump actually created it or just used it?”

        I see that pop up more and more. Progs used to say “This loophole or carve out was lobbied for by People’s Enemy X!!”

        Now it’s just “People’s Enemy X did it”, even if said People’s Enemy has no actual political power.

        They did it with Clinton a lot, justifying her incredible closeness with Wall Street. HRC, one of the 30 most powerful people in the country, was just a pawn tossed on the whims of big finance.

      3. WTF

        Seriously, what legislation did Trump get through congress that created this?

        1. ChipsnSalsa

          The article states that the original intent was for a tax break on run down properties that weren’t normally going to be developed. He used it when he built Trump Tower and his lawyers took it to court when they were denied using that exemption. Trump won and the loophole was widened for everyone to drive their dump trucks full of cash through.

          It’s unclear from the article if he originally lobbied to have the exemption added, then expanded it or just just that his lawyers saw something and took a shot.

          1. WTF

            So Trump did not in fact create the tax “loophole”, he just exploited it. Like John Oliver.

          2. Chipwooder

            It’s a bit hard to tell, but it seems like Trump was the first one to figure out that the loophole existed, and pursued it through lawsuits when the city tried to stop him from using it. So he didn’t really create it, but he was its pioneer in a manner of speaking.

          3. KibbledKristen

            So John Oliver owes him a debt of gratitude!

    4. Rufus the Monocled

      Then again we all got the sense he was a little hypocritical shit.

    5. Stinky Wizzleteats

      If wealth and power can corrupt a fine man like John Oliver we’re doomed.

      1. Lachowsky

        I liked John oliver in his first season on HBO. He did some pretty good stuff on snowden, and civil asset forfeiture. Since then, I can’t even.

    6. Chipwooder

      I posted that yesterday. Yes, I’m petty enough to point it out.

    7. ruodberht

      Running up the score…because wealth is zero-sum, you see. What the rich take, all the rest of us lose.

      That’s how things work…

      …ed 10,000 years ago in hunter-gatherer societies. Maybe we can evolve a bit?

  28. FreeSociety

    Heard surprisingly little about the Celtics vs Bullets (sorry “Wizards” but you’re always the Bullets in my book)

    Was the name “Bullets” too offensive? Someone wearing one of their t-shirts probably triggered a school shooting.

    1. straffinrun

      DC. Preet went after them.

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      via wiki

      In November 1995, owner Abe Pollin announced he was changing the team’s nickname, because Bullets had acquired violent overtones that had made him increasingly uncomfortable over the years, particularly given the high homicide and crime rate in the early 1990s in Washington, D.C. It was widely believed to also be related to the assassination of Pollin’s longtime friend, Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin.

      A contest was held to choose a new name and the choices were narrowed to the Dragons, Express, Stallions, Sea Dogs, and the Wizards. On May 15, 1997, the Bullets officially became the Wizards. The new name generated some controversy because “Wizard” is a rank in the Ku Klux Klan, and Washington has a large African American population. A new logo was unveiled and the team colors were changed from the traditional red, white and blue to a lighter shade of blue, black and bronze, the same colors as the Washington Capitals hockey team, also owned by Pollin. That same year the Wizards moved to the then MCI Center, now called Verizon Center, which is home to the Capitals, the Washington Mystics of the Women’s National Basketball Association and the Georgetown Hoyas men’s college basketball team.

      1. FreeSociety

        The new name generated some controversy because “Wizard” is a rank in the Ku Klux Klan, and Washington has a large African American population.

        *bangs head against wall*

        1. Floridaman

          So that means black magic is banned right.

        2. Juvenile Bluster

          Tried to bold that part, but I screwed up the tags. Yeah, my eyes rolled at that one.

        3. Chipwooder

          Could have been worse. Choice #3 was “Kleagles”

          1. FreeSociety

            Like the vagina tightening exercise? Say what you will, but I think that team name would send the right message.

          2. Chipwooder

            *golf clap*

    3. Old Man With Candy

      I still think of them as the Baltimore Bullets, which is even more appropriate.

  29. FreeSociety

    Shit gets worse and worse in Venezuela. If only those wreckers and capitalist instigators would have embraced the Chavistas none of this would have happened, eh comrades?

    They found out that Trump fired Comey and now they’re rioting again.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I heard somebody made a video denigrating Catholicism.

      1. FreeSociety

        Hate speech does it again.

        1. AceDroman

          Is there anything it can’t do?

  30. Pope Jimbo

    IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS SHOCKER!!!

    Remember when I posted a link earlier to a campus shutdown at ultra-liberal St. Olaf where students were protesting an anonymous racist note left on a black student’s car?

    Get ready for this. It was ….. FABRICATED!!!!

    Who would have guessed that it was a fake?

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      “It’s started something good,” said Daniel Katuka. The St. Olaf senior, who is black, said he hasn’t encountered the sort of racism on campus that he’s experienced in the outside world. But he appreciated the St. Olaf community coming together “in a positive way” in the face of an apparent threat.

      *facepalm*

      1. Pope Jimbo

        It is nice to see how easy they can pivot from “THERE IS SO MUCH RACISM HERE!!!!” to “well sure, I’ve never experienced any racism here, but we should be on the lookout for some”.

      2. Floridaman

        So did the boy who cried Wolf for the first couple of times.

      3. So it’s like a racism fire drill? Huh.

    2. Tundra

      *not-even-remotely-shocked-face*

      That said, fuck St. Olaf.

      1. Sour Kraut

        What are you, an Adolphus alum?

      2. Chipwooder

        If you were going to create a fictional liberal arts college in Minnesota, you couldn’t invent a more stereotypical name than St Olaf

    3. straffinrun

      She said she would be graduating soon, leaving for Europe in June and “would rather not spend the end of my college career and my last month and a half in the U.S. worrying about an investigation.”

      She doesn’t care about racists. Get her!

      1. Private Chipperbot

        She’s gonna freak the fuck out when she sees how tolerant those Euros are. No racism there at all. Nope.

        1. Floridaman

          Nah, she’ll probably ignore any problem like the left does whenever the economic problems in Europe are brought up.

    4. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Could have happened though so narrative.

    5. KibbledKristen

      Whoa! No wai!!

    6. The Elite Elite

      It started a dialogue! Isn’t that all that really matters?

    7. KibbledKristen

      Now I want to check on the American University incident, because, as predicted, I have not heard anything further from the administration, even though they promised to continue to communicate.

    8. Jefe Hayek

      She’d participated in the protests earlier this month and believed that the most recent incident “started something good” at the college, although she noted, a hate crime hoax, “was not necessarily the best way to get it started.”

      The flippancy with which “hate crime hoax” is bandied about will never not be shocking to me. Even after the UVA fake rape shit, I still can’t believe anyone would think, “Look, faking a felony to get attention isn’t a sign of serious mental illness and may reflect negatively on the culture, it’s just something that can lead to a discussion of real problems…that we seemingly can’t find many examples of since we put all of our hopes and dreams onto these fake ones, but still!!!”

      1. WTF

        Yes, hate crimes are so pernicious and ubiquitous that we need to fake them in order to start a “conversation” to address the problem.

        1. Microaggressor

          You can tell they feel let down by the revelation that it’s fake. You’d think that would be good news, that racism isn’t as bad as we thought, right? Wrong. These developmentally stunted individuals crave the opportunity to lash out in morally self-righteous posturing to signal how devout and woke they are. It gives them dopamine hits, so they always want more “hate crimes”.

    9. Michael

      What the hell is going on in the article’s accompanying photo? It looks like a Mormon doorbell ringer trying to sell a cocoon with a midget inside of it.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        1) the Mormon is the manliest man enrolled at St. Olaf. Seriously, I’m stunned they found such a masculine dude there.
        2) it ain’t a little person, it’s a ‘mocker

        For some reason our young hipsters have taken to the trees.

  31. Enough About Palin

    I have Morning Joe on in the background as I get ready for work. If I had to take a drink every time I heard them say Russia, I’d never make it into the office.

    1. ElspethFlashman

      So, is that a bad thing? Just aks’in.

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      But did you hear that Joe and Mika are engaged!!11!!!11!!

    3. SimonD

      Is it Masochism Thursday in your part of the world?

      (shudder), I’d rather face a two-hour lecture from Dalmia.

  32. Private Chipperbot

    Bob Seger returns to Pine Knob

    If you’re into it.

    1. The Last American Hero

      There he goes, on the road again…

  33. Is it too early for a drink? (working from home today)

    1. straffinrun

      Good no. Let’s get drunk.

    2. PieInTheSKy

      5 PM is perfectly respectable round these parts

    3. Q Continuum

      Only beer or wine, have some self respect!

    4. Lachowsky

      I working the night shift this week. I have had 3 beers since 7am. I’m just about to pop the 4th.

  34. ElspethFlashman

    The “holy crap, I’m being taken seriously” news of the week: I got a notice to join a Specialty Court Review panel. This is like “we think you’re OK, and wonder if you’d give your opinion to members of the judiciary” sort of panel.
    And sometimes a stepping stone to being a *gulp* judge/magistrate/referee.

      1. ElspethFlashman

        Lol! Yes, they have no idea who they are dealing with.

    1. KibbledKristen

      Go you!!

    2. Old Man With Candy

      Chapeau!

  35. FreeSociety

    And aside from Comey’s firing, this should be the biggest story in the country right now. But I doubt it even makes the cable news.

    I want to find the person who invented auto-play burn his house down and then kill him. I’ll bury him next to my previous victim, the guy who invented the automatic function for power windows in cars.

    1. Private Chipperbot

      automatic function for power windows in cars

      I was sitting my car yesterday trying to crack the damn window, and it kept going all the way up, or all the way down. I could not get it to stop. All the while my 13 year old daughter is laughing her ass off while I’m swearing at the thing.

      1. FreeSociety

        Worst widely adopted invention, ever.

      2. Lachowsky

        I turn a crank to open my windows, as God intended.

        1. These euphemisms are getting less obscure.

      3. Trolleric the Goth

        Luddites!

        those switches have 2 position detents, you can use them like normal switches if you don’t ham-hand the things

        1. FreeSociety

          1) that feature varies 2) it’s my god given right to ham-hand switches and have shit still function as desired

      4. Chipwooder

        Car shopping is hell. What we really want is too expensive. Everything else has some kind of drawback. Maddening. It wouldn’t be so bad if we had more time, but since the remains of my wife’s former car are being stripped for parts, time is of the essence.

  36. KibbledKristen
    1. Private Chipperbot

      Okay. That’s funny.

      1. Hammercorps

        Alright, that’s pretty great.

    2. WTF

      Okay, that is funny.

    3. Fatty Bolger

      That’s great.

  37. Next month I’m going to be seeing John Moreland play in Ann Arbor. Looking forward to a mini-vacation since I haven’t had much time off since December.

    1. Private Chipperbot

      Wife and I are taking the kids to see Mumford & Sons in a few weeks in Pittsburgh for their first real concert. Drag camper there, concert, camp overnight, then back to Michigan to camp the rest of the week. Pretty excited.

    2. Old Man With Candy

      He’s a rather sizeable fellow.

      1. He ’tis. Good heart-breaking lyrics though.

        Losing Sleep Tonight

  38. Q Continuum

    Preview of Thicc Thursday:

    http://www.express.co.uk/life-style/style/634703/Who-is-Iskra-Lawrence-pictures-videos-bikini-babe

    Also proving that there has to be at least a few British women on the right side of the Bell Curve.

    1. Hammercorps

      Eh, I’m more partial tothis side.

      1. Q Continuum

        No saying I wouldn’t, but I’d definitely want to see her ID first. I see more developed girls walking out of the middle school; not that I hang around watching… um…. let’s talk about something else ok?

        1. Hammercorps

          Well, considering that she’s 27 and famous, you’re good to go.

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder
        1. Q Continuum

          She’s a-ok.

        2. Great Caesar’s ghost! I’m all in.

    2. WTF

      Gah, plenty of cellulite.

      1. Q Continuum

        HEALTH AT EVERY SIZE YOU SHITLORD.

        1. commodious spittoon

          UNSAFE AT ANY SPEED YOU MANIAC.

          1. Q Continuum

            Fortunately we have a very advanced rear shock absorption system to prevent injury from over-rapid engagement.

    3. Trigger Hippie
    4. Dat vertical asymmetry doh.

      Seriously, I’m sure she’s fine, but she’d look better if she transferred about 1/4 – 1/3 of the first floor to the second floor, if you see what I mean.

    5. Colonel Slanders

      Ugh, An ass the size of Texas with copious amounts of cottage cheese. No Thanks.

  39. KibbledKristen

    Board meetings at the office means lots of yelling and free food.

    1. Q Continuum

      When do they bring out the hookers and cocaine? I just assume all corporate board meetings are Wolf of Wall Street/Bernie Madoff style.

      1. KibbledKristen

        We gave all our money to SpaceX, so I think hookers & blow have been eliminated from the budget. If they want hookers & blow, they’re gonna need to go see Elon Musk.

    2. leonadasiv

      But does it make up for all the blood?!

    1. Q Continuum

      Dear Lord I love that guy.

    2. FreeSociety

      I wouldn’t call that his ten best. It only had one or two tirades of him telling the rest of the EU parliament what a bunch of assholes they are. He’s given dozens of such rebukes and many were better than one’s on display here.

      1. Chipwooder

        The way he would rip the EU parliament to shreds and they’d have to sit there and listen to it was beautiful

  40. AlmightyJB

    Ohio Department of Education going after online charter school.

    http://www.dispatch.com/news/20170510/hearing-officer-rules-ecot-owes-state-60-million

    1. Agent Cooper

      “overpaid by $64 million last school year”

      Jason Heyward is jealous.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    Derp

    Quist has said previously that he was taken out of context when he told the Chronicle in a audio-recorded interview that he would support the registration of assault rifles. The comments have become the subject of attack ads against him.

    When asked about this Wednesday, Quist said he meant “fully automatic” guns should be registered. Registering those types of firearms has been required since the 1930s.

    “I wasn’t aware that those are already required to be registered,” Quist said.

    I guess I was wrong. He’s more like Maxine Waters in a cowboy hat.

    1. Viking1865

      ““I wasn’t aware that those are already required to be registered,” Quist said.”

      I’m an ignorant motherfucker, clearly I should be given political power.

      1. Q Continuum

        This slogan could work for ~97% of our elected officials.

    2. KibbledKristen

      Yabut, what about the shoulder thing that goes up?

  42. The Late P Brooks

    Is it too early for a drink? (working from home today)

    The sun is always over the yardarm somewhere.

  43. KibbledKristen

    My dad and his wife just got back from Italy, and they ate that famous Florentine steak. Anyone have any experience cooking one of those things? I wanna try it.

    1. I wish I could reproduce the steak I had at a Cuban restaurant in Puerto Rico. It has some delicious green sauce on it and the beef was so tender. The gin & tonics (geeen? and toneec?) there were strong enough to float a boat.

    2. Lachowsky

      As best as I understand, the key to a great steak is the raw material. Cooking a great steak is not difficult. Obtaining a quality piece of meat is the trick.

      1. KibbledKristen

        It’s the opposite for me. There is a world-class (and I mean world-class) butcher in Alexandria. My problem is getting the temp just right. I like mine on the line between rare and medium rare.

        1. Lachowsky

          Heat is the key. When I grill, I make a very hot fire. My goal is to burn the fat around the edges and sear the outside of the steak before the inside gets cooked.

          The way to make it work is to have a very hot hot grilling surface and to spend very little time cooking your steak. Maybe 4 minutes on one side and 3 on the other. That way you end up crispy fat and a pink to red center.

          1. Q Continuum

            Black and blue is the only way. Then you can soak up the blood with a piece of sourdough.

          2. KibbledKristen

            I wonder if cooking directly on the coals would work here? Alton Brown does it with flank steak, but that’s a very high, very fast cooking (like, 30 seconds per side).

          3. Tundra

            I prefer the reverse sear method.

            I have also had great luck with a sous vide cook followed by a crazy hot sear in a cast iron pan.

          4. KibbledKristen

            I was thinking of doing this sous vide to hedge my terrible track record of steak cooking.

          5. Tundra

            It’s a nice choice because you don’t have to pay such close attention.

            For grilling, do you have a decent thermometer? It really makes a difference.

          6. KibbledKristen

            I only have a digital probe that I use for poultry. I really need to get and instant read.

          7. Tundra

            Yes, you do. Knowing when to pull the steak off is important and could account for your troubles.

            I have one of these.

            It’s cheap and accurate. They make a more expensive, slightly faster one, as well.

            Buy one. Today.

          8. KibbledKristen

            Just bough this one. Should be here Saturday, so I could go get my meat tomorrow night and have it for Sunday din-din!

          9. KibbledKristen
          10. Agent Cooper

            Yes, the direct/indirect method works pretty well.

            I start with frozen steaks, and throw them on the hot side and then transfer to the cooler side of the grill after a few mintues searing the outsides.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    I watched a couple of episodes of House of Lies last night. I’m on the fence, which means I’ll probably watch a few more. The kid creeps me out.

    1. Gustave Lytton

      I find it to be a depressing documentary. Like Portlandia.

  45. Private Chipperbot

    Tesla solar roof initial pricing competitive with asphalt shingles.

    Tesla said Wednesday that the first two styles of its solar roof will be priced at about $21.85 per square foot.

    That price is slightly lower than the $24.50 per square foot price Consumer Reports had said Tesla would need to meet to compete with asphalt roofs, once savings from electricity bills were factored in over the roof’s expected lifetime.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Yeah…. no.

      They may produce electricity, but I’m betting they’re shitty roofing material and most likely, you can’t walk on them without damaging them.

      One roof leak and there go all your savings.

      1. Private Chipperbot

        I’d be interested to see how they’re installed. I’d insist on snow barrier over the entire roof to prevent water intrusion instead of the usual application. It comes with an ‘infinity’ warranty too…

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          If you really want solar, install panels over a quality roof. I’m not into this dual purpose stuff. Too many ways it can go wrong.

          1. AceDroman

            Installed over a quality self adhered underlayment like Grace Ice and Water Shield and you’re good to go.

      2. AceDroman

        I work in building materials testing and I’ve tested several of these solar shingles and every. single. one. has failed the wind driven rain test for water infiltration.

        1. Private Chipperbot

          Ugh. So I’m sure they’ll sell like hotcakes in FL and TX. Great…

          1. AceDroman

            Not without passing.

          2. Private Chipperbot

            Excellent. I’m in the insurance industry so that brightens my day.

          3. AceDroman

            Florida Building Code and Texas Dept of Insurance have both adopted the Miami-Dade requirement for wind driven rain for steep sloped roofs, depending on your proximity to the coastline (everywhere in Florida and a ton of area in Texas). There are more than a few companies trying to get in on this market, one in particular has been trying to pass for 4+ years with no success.

          4. Q Continuum

            Let’s not bring race into this.

          5. peachy rex

            They identify as waterproof, cishet shitlords! /prog contractor

    2. Private Chipperbot

      $210-$220/SQ is pretty standard for architectural shingles depending on your location. It certainly piques my interest.

    3. Floridaman

      How big a subsidy did he need from the US government in order to afford to set the price that low?

      1. Private Chipperbot

        30% of the cost of materials…

    4. Fatty Bolger

      How much of that price is subsidized?

  46. Q Continuum

    For your listening pleasure:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTA0DSfrGZ0

    Yes, a direct ripoff from Rick and Morty.

    1. Q Continuum

      Also, the best part of these girls (aside from how they look) is the band name. “Their current name is derived from a historical scientific name for a species of amoeba.” Chaos chaos was always my favorite amoeba. Then the bastards changed it to Chaos carolinensis. Probably the same human paraquats who demoted Pluto. Power-drunk bureaucratic Illuminati equine posteriors.

  47. tarran

    I got into an argument regarding Net Neutrality on facederp.

    What do you call it when you win the argument, but everyone pretends you’ve lost?

    Shades of boom and the bust.

    1. Gilmore

      “Collective Denialism”?

      I regularly read articles about rhetorical modes like that, where simply “pretending you’ve won” (even tho you have no argument) will drive your opponent into a froth

      My problem is i always forget the terms used to describe these things. there are so many and they often overlap.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        A lie repeated often enough….

        1. Gilmore

          BTW, its pretty much Buttplug’s only rhetorical mode.

          he just goes, “Duh! Obviously X”
          and when people go “here are 100 reasons why X is stupid”
          he goes “LOL look at all you TEAM RED PEANUTS GETTING PWNED”

          1. DOOMco

            Feels like the other site recently.

      2. tarran

        I regularly read articles about rhetorical modes like that, where simply “pretending you’ve won” (even tho you have no argument) will drive your opponent into a froth

        It’s not a debating tactic so much as they just don’t acknowledge the rebuttals. “We are consumers; big bad cable is screwing us over; super-awesome good government will make them stop” is literally what they keep shouting over and over again. Oh, and if you are a customer that wants certain traffic to more reliably and quickly to get to its destination, you should just purchase much more bandwidth than you otherwise need, so that even if your neighbors’ netflix and steam downloads are at a high level, your packets will still make it to their destination reasonably quickly. They literally refuse to acknowledge that not all people connecting to the Itnernet want the inbound/outbound packets privileged the same. The fact that the rules can be used as a cudgel to keep competing startups from entering into markets dominated by the big bad cable companies they refuse to acknowledge. It’s like they’ve never heard of Strategic Lawsuits to Dissuade Competitors.

        No, they believe that they are the 99% and the law should force society to cater to *them*. It’s even stupider than syndicalism; at least the syndicalists produce goods and services.