“Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”
Ah, Chuck Heston… If anyone needed a nice stiff drink more than Taylor, I’d hate to be that poor bastard.
I first made this as a goof for a party, but we all decided it was so damn tasty it went into our regular rotation. And, yes, you will have to buy a bottle of Créme de Banana, but it is worth it.
The Planet of the Apes
2 oz dark rum
1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz orange juice
1/2 oz lime juice
3/4 oz créme de banana
Shake together with ice and serve up in a martini glass or over large chunks of ice in a whiskey glass. Fresh juices are highly recommended.
And avoid the temptation to go with Myers, the dark rum of many a frat boy’s nightmares. Appleton Estate VX Jamaican Rum is my go-to for any dark rum application.
Derpetologist’s Spot the Not: Mitch McConnell
1. Nobody is happy about losing lives but, remember, these are not draftees.
These are full-time professional soldiers.
2. We need to strengthen and save Social Security for today’s workers.
If we don’t act now, this system, born out of the New Deal, will become a bad deal.
3. The problem with the world today is people have put away their Bibles.
They’re living by the law of the jungle and not the law of the land.
4. We all know that Social Security is one of this country’s greatest success stories in the 20th century.
5. The Patriot Act is one of the most important and overdue pieces of legislation in a generation.
6. Under ordinary circumstances, I would have opposed such a measure.
Government intervention in the marketplace cuts against all my ordinary impulses. But this was not an ordinary event.
Comments
69 responses to “Belly Up To The Bar: Going Ape edition”
#3 is the not.
[pedantic bastard]
“Crème” is written with an accent grave, not an accent aigu
[/pedantic bastard]
Live a critical bastard, diacritical bastard.
*narrows gaze*
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS HUMROUS CHOSEN ONE. ZARDOZ APPROVES.
Excellent.
Dear God, how I hate you.
6.
I think that was George W. Bush.
It was the 2008 financial “crisis”, but I’m not certain who said it to get the resultant bill through Congress.
Your inclusion of cupcake dog forces me to post this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0uh0oXktvU
Name That Party
NYT Skips Convicted Democrat’s Party ID; Republicans Labeled Instantly
Can I switch out the Rum for Courvoisier, or would that make it racist?
Yes.
What do you care? You live in the land of
Godsracist.Only against the subhuman Chinese. That doesn’t count as racist.
Uh, what about the Koreans and the Ainu?
Damn Garlic Eaters!
You can’t be racist against animals.
Specieist?
That’s what I call vegetarians who have no problem eradicating countless thousands of tons of insects to ensure the abundance of plants for their own consumption, but think killing a mammal or fish for yours is a bridge too far.
Clearly you are from Vancouver.
I think I’ll have some peanuts and enjoy these comments.
I’m getting reflux just reading that recipe. Mostly because I drank Gimlets by the pool all day and got severe heartburn.
That’s a cute puppy. Why’d you name it Gimlets?
His name is Sterling thank you very much.
Did you get him from the pound?
No, my brother was being evicted and needed to get rid of a bunch of dogs, so I took him.
Tries again. Did you get him from the (£)?
Ah….lol.
*pretends to get it*
So he’s not a pound Sterling?
STOP IT HES ALREADY DEAD
Euron’t let it go, willya?
Ruff room.
*narrows gaze*
Every time the subject of Gimlets comes up, I want to say, “great drink; however, heartburn”.
they do a number on your guts.
I thought you gave up drinking. Welcome back.
Holy crap. That’s a tanning, smoking, reading, and drinking on the deck kind of drink if I ever saw one!
Its more or less just a variant of Planters Punch with banana thrown on top
Sort of reminds me of a Mai Tai… but I don’t know what else to do with rum but mix it with various fruit juices. Or give it to Jesse. Either way, someone is getting laid. Or handsy.
Would this work with sailor jerry? I have a big ol tub of it that my gf won’t drink cause it’s not captain morgan.
You should draw a hat and some naval insignia on Jerry’s uniform and tell her he got promoted when you killed off the last captain morgan.
*stands to begin prolonged ovation*
So get a bottle of Captain Morgan, and when it’s done refill it with the Sailor Jerry (no euphemism).
ohmyfuckinggodwehaveanemptybottle@homeIamtotallyfuckingdoingthis!
I second this. Please let us know how far she gets into the bottle before she figures it out. I am betting she doesnt.
Who says Libertarians just point out problems and don’t have any solutions??
Do your girlfriend a favor and get her a bottle of Ron Zacapa
Roger that. You’ll be doing yourself a favor, too, IYKWIMAITYD.
Créme de Banana
Sounds racist, almost as racist as this
Kudos on the Spot the Not. I have no idea.
What? No coconut?
The first thing I thought of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LxC3M-Yngs
I drink beer like a real man.
= as something to wash down whiskey
George asks, “What about the Scotch?”
they seem like good people, but i don’t understand a goddamn word they say.
So wachoo need?
Is this open-bar?
I prefer scotch. But it’s nice to have something to nurse in the sun in a bikini. I can see how that doesn’t appeal to you, in retrospect.
Shock-Jock Democrats
Democrats are projecting competence by swearing.
I like the well-placed F-bomb, but it certainly is getting out of hand on the left.
there was another article about this …. maybe a month ago? when whatshername was doing an interview. Gillenbrand. I think Perez actually circulated a memo telling people they needed to say more dirty words.
http://freebeacon.com/politics/dems-revealing-authentic-selves-publicly-cursing-often/
Both used a picture of Perez. Parallel thinking or a rehash of the same article.
“In a desperate, spastic flail…”
That sums it up nicely. They are trying everything except treating the voters like adults that deserve respect and consideration for their real world problems. Remember, this is the party that had to send a delegation to flyover country so they could try and understand how the deplorables speak, a move which I thought might be a deliberate insult; “We are going to tryyyyyy to come down to your level *eyeroll*”
I cant tell y’all how much I am enjoying watching these despicable pinkos implode.
You know who else (‘s father) was a poor bastard?
(((Jesus)))?
Three quarters of anyone born into European royalty in the last 1000 years?
Oh snap! (So people still do that? Should I do it in the shape of a “z”?
Luke and Leia?
Here’s a good PotA reference.
http://pvponline.com/comic/2017-03-23
Damn, how did I miss this thread.