And I saw when the pan-sexual, differentially-abled, undocumented Person of Color opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.
2 And I saw, and behold a white privileged horse: and the shitlord that sat on him had a semiautomatic assault rifle with a black thing that goes up; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth kinetic actioning, and to utilize authorized military force.
3 And when xe had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see.
4 And there went out another horse that was a non-revolutionary red: and power was given to the cis-het patriarch that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should microaggress one another: and there was given unto him a great phallus.
5 And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black lives matter horse with spinners on it’s hooves; and the (((racist))) that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.
6 And I heard a capitalist voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of GMO wheat for a penny, and three measures of non-fair trade barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the fracked oil and the wine.
7 And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see.
8 And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Discrimination, and Anthropogenic Global Warming followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to hurt with words, and with food insecurity, and with lack of single payer care, and with the fascists of the earth.
9 And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of Bernie, and for the testimony which they held:
10 And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O DNC, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the primaries?
11 And robes of color were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowtravellers also and their xirthren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled.
12 And I beheld when xe had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of culturally appropriated, braided hair, and the moon became as blood;
13 And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a non-GMO, organic fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty AGW caused wind.
14 And the True Socialist State departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places.
15 And the politicians of the earth, and the Top. Men., and the rich kulaks and wreckers, and the chief captains, and the mighty fascists, and every welfare recipient, and every libertarian, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains;
16 And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of Xe that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the pan-sexual, differentially-abled, undocumented Person of Color:
17 For the great day of Xir wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand without government transfer payments?
Comments
106 responses to “The Progpocalypse”
Eat those guys first!
*Standing Ovation.*
Yes, brilliant!
4 And there went out another horse that was a non-revolutionary red: and power was given to the cis-het patriarch that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should microaggress one another: and there was given unto him a great phallus.
Finally, glibertarians.com origin is revealed! Now which is the Stan Lee cameo?
Hmmm…the great phallus seems kind of Doomcock-ish…. So, Warty?
The great phallus is conceptual, not real, and symbolizes our desire and ability to destroy the planet through global warming. Come on, that’s Biblical Metaphor 101.
And there went out another horse that was a non-revolutionary red:
So it’s a horse of a different color.
*narrows gaze*
http://nypost.com/2017/05/26/woman-running-for-office-in-the-hamptons-defends-using-racial-slurs/
This broad can be the shitlord prophet if we’re going all Revelations’y.
Well, she is entitled to use the word. I dont think she is exactly a pioneer and she damned sure isnt a diplomat. I wonder what her chances of winning the election now are? Can she repair the damage to her campaign by bodyslamming the reporter on this story?
I assume the Battle of Armageddon involves free helicopter rides.
And people being thrown out of them?
Well Hal Lindsey postulated that some of the locust demon plagues were attack helicopters….and probably Chinese now that that they’ve got the capability for a 200 million man army.
Rev 9:16 or thereabouts.
Progressivism sadly is a quasi religious movement. These people believe government can provide them heaven on earth and that capitalism, individualism of the kind where people are each respected as a person, and freedoms are all evil. Crazy shit.
They don’t understand what wealth is or how economics work. Ignorance is bliss. Especially when you’re living high on the hog thanks to all that you hate.
“These people believe government can provide them heaven on earth”
Considering that technology is the only thing that has ever improved the human condition and government can make a sand shortage happen in the Sahara desert, I think they’re on the wrong path.
I have to say Swiss, good work. I laughed much. Also, kudos to Ted on the ‘horse of a different color’ remark. I laughed.
This is how I will always picture Ted from now on.
https://media.licdn.com/mpr/mpr/p/5/005/093/206/0d8a32b.jpg
Good thing I haven’t mixed a drink yet, I may have spit it out on my monitor.
*widens gaze*
Don’t you have somewhere to go on Shabbat?
It is saturday, warm and school is out. He’s driving around near parks and playgrounds in his windowless van posting from his phone. Oh, the pools are probably open too.
Shul’s out for the summer!
*re-narrows (((gaze)))*
+1 (((Alice Cooper?)))
Alicia Coopermann?
Tsk. I should know by now to refresh before posting.
Here comes the Ice cream truck!
Stop him when he’s passing by.
this is wonderful. I might have to share.
I can’t applaud because that’s a microaggression against people who have no hands, but I think I can whistle in approval, since that reclaims the whistle from the patriarchy.
*checks hierarchy chart, pulls out calculator*
Yeah that checks out.
What about people without lips or tongues you insensitive jerk
You also forgot applause is triggering because it reminds people of violence.
*sigh*
OK, I’ll let that slide because you gave us ‘xirthren’.
Maybe it’s the beer talking, but I thoroughly enjoyed that.
That’s a beautiful thing.
Progressivism is a religious movement. And it isn’t just that they believe things as an article of faith or that their roots are from the same evangelical movements that brought us abolitionism, temperance, and women’s suffrage.
A few weeks ago, we had a discussion here about the evolutionary sources of religion, how the part of our brains that evolved differently from our ape cousins evolved both to conceptualize and in reaction to language and religion. There’s definitely something about progressivism that scratches that religious itch.
“Robin Dunbar argues that the critical event in the evolution of the neocortex took place at the speciation of archaic homo sapiens about 500,000 years ago. His study indicates that only after the speciation event is the neocortex large enough to process complex social phenomena such as language and religion. The study is based on a regression analysis of neocortex size plotted against a number of social behaviors of living and extinct hominids.[10]”
Stephen Jay Gould suggests that religion may have grown out of evolutionary changes which favored larger brains as a means of cementing group coherence among savannah hunters, after that larger brain enabled reflection on the inevitability of personal mortality.[11]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolutionary_origin_of_religions#Increased_brain_size
I don’t want to get into whether religion is a net benefit to society today. I do want to point out that the neocortex that makes us human goes back to our very origins, and progressives who reject organized religion for being homophobic, racist, conservative, sexist, etc. are just rebuilding the same kinds of belief systems without any references to organized religion or God. They still have all the same questions the rest of us do about death, ethics, what it means to raise children well, how we fit into the cosmos, why we’re here, and how to find meaning in our lives.
Being a progressive is all about using the coercive power of government to force individuals to make sacrifices for the greater good–and religion (with or without the coercive power of government) is more or less about individuals making sacrifices for the greater good, too. Making sacrifices for something you’re not 100% sure about just makes it even more like religion, too–and probably more compelling. People who treat others well even when it isn’t necessarily in their obvious best interests to do so because of their religion aren’t acting much differently from progressives who are making sacrifices for something they don’t fully understand, be it healthcare for all, peace, or global warming.
I suspect religion primed me for some of my libertarian ideas. Before being indoctrinated, it takes some faith for a lot of people to believe things like that letting people destroy themselves with drugs is for the greater good or that we’d be a more prosperous society if only we let low cost foreign competitors drive our domestic production out of business. I know we can break those things down and make rational, fact based arguments to prove that they’re true–as far as anyone can know anything like that is true–but having to make a rational argument about it is a disadvantage if our brains developed with wiring that makes us crave sacrifices for things we don’t completely understand.
Is planning for the future despite not being sure what will happen irrational? Ever made sacrifices for someone you loved because you thought he or she loved you? Isn’t that the evolutionary biological imperative? Is it irrational How can you be sure someone loves you? Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=terg_LPT3X0
I’ve made huge sacrifices for crazy women that didn’t work out on paper, and while I used to regret them, things turned out alright for me. I might regret never having been involved with crazy women like that. I’m not sure I regret those sacrifices anymore. The most important questions that shape our lives don’t necessarily have clear cut quantitative answers–qualitative aspects are important and really important decisions often need to be taken on faith or despite uncertainty, choose your own term.
We libertarians are smarter than the objectivists for not thinking we need to wait for the whole world to become rational, but if the progressives don’t necessarily need to appeal to reason, they have a big advantage.
*scrolls scrolls scrolls scrolls past wall of text*
“There’s definitely something about progressivism that scratches that religious itch.”
A tool for controlling their fellow man? I mean, good Lord, who sits around and obsesses about the words people should be allowed to use? Sicko control freaks, that’s who. It’s about power.
That is the difference between us and them. I want power. I want power over my own life. They want power over others.
TL;DR
2 links? You monster!
Jeezus… Christ, Ken!
Will read, but damn!
Ken’s here. Where’s that Spreed link again? 😉
Okay, Crib Version.
A) Progressivism is a religion.
1) Religions are like X
2) Progressivism is like X
B) Religious thinking is central to who we are as homo sapiens
1) Neocortex is what makes us human rather than ape.
2) Evolutionary development of neocortex is about language and religion.
C) Progressive religious like belief is effective because it taps into those primal evolutionary urges.
1) Making sacrifices for others is part of the biological imperative.
2) Making sacrifices in the face of uncertainty is a nice chunk of religion.
D) Progressives have an advantage over libertarians.
1) We were wired by evolution to believe things in the face of uncertainty–like progressive religious belief
2) Having to prove things rationally, like libertarians, is harder.
E) Our disadvantage vis-a-vis progressives need not be so
1) Believing that letting people destroy themselves with drugs is for the general good takes faith–initially.
2) Believing that letting foreign competitors destroy domestic industries with competition takes something like faith–initially.
Conclusion: The most important things in life tend to be taken on faith or are decisions made in the face of uncertainty. In real life, we’re not so different from progressives or other people that way. Maybe we need to learn to pitch ourselves differently. I don’t care how we get there as long as we get there, and if we lived in a more libertarian world because of religious type thinking, I’d be okay with that. If only we libertarians had as much influence as progressives.
P.S. It’s a direct response to this awesome thread. I took it seriously and responded to it.
One question: why did you tag this as satire? Shouldn’t it be under prophesy?
I’m hungover, full of steak, mashed potatoes, mixed veggies, and bacon. Day is starting off mostly all-right.
Adding fish, slaw, lava cake and bread pudding.
Mmmm, bread pudding. I love it, SP hates it. One of her very few defects as a human being.
I never used to like then I had this one person’s version and it was awesome and now I generally like it.
SP hates eating snot? That’s a defect?
*scratches head*
I am gonna have to go with SP on this one
Snot? I don’t think you’re making it right.
I dont make it.
I’m going to grill some kofta later (a heavily spiced Middle Eastern meatball, sometimes put on skewers and grilled) and eat them on homemade pita breads with feta cheese, olive oil, lettuce, onion, peppers, and tomato.
There’s also a hunk of pork in the fridge marinating in fresh garlic, rosemary, oregano, olive oil, lemon juice, and white wine. It has to sit in the marinade for a good day or so, but during that time, I’m debating whether I should cook it on the grill or roast it in the oven and make a sauce with some of the same wine. Whatever I end up doing, I’m going to eat it with some Roman-style lentils and a salad with croutons and anchovies.
Nice.
Kofta
Sear on the grill then either wrap in foil and use the grill as a baking oven or bake in the oven.
You are killing me. I am not cooking today.
“the moon became as free-flowing menstrual blood”
The only possible improvement. Otherwise, worth printing on a scroll and leaving in the earth to be found in 2k years.
*applause*
I approve.
*makes sign of hammer and sickle*
(looks for apocalyptic theme-music)
this will do
Do you think the end of the world is coming?
I had the good fortune of seeing them live once in @ the knitting factory in the early 2000s. can’t remember a single thing they played, but it was hypnotic. there were a bunch of celebrities there for the show. they (and Sigur Ros) were sort of the uber-hipster band of the moment at the time.
Ha – both are in that “on my iPod – usually at the insistence of a friend – but haven’t got around to listening to it even though I like what I hear” category.
Now?
Also, Transplants.
Things that wouldn’t be printed in the perennially verging-on-bankruptcy NYT, at least after 2016, now that capitalism is once again the bane of civilization and commie chic is on the rise.
If they published everything McCloskey wrote, it would be much better.
Well, everything except the second half of her possibly drunken “how I’m voting” blurb at the other place:
Having made a number of predictions about the election that turned out entirely wrong, and having done so anonymously to a bunch of likewise cynical nobodies, I can’t hold it against someone who made public their very specific predictions, even if they’ve been flagrantly wrong.
The guy prides himself on being unpredictable, so people predicted unlikely outcomes. And she may have been wrong about taking down the Senate in 2016, but he could well lose Congress to the Dems within his first term.
exhibit A in my claim that all people eho undergo sex changes are at least a little nuts.
You want nuts? Let’s get nuts!
They think other people finally have enough money that it wont run out? Would someone please burn the NYT to the ground?
Well, they would actually be right that it won’t run out. There will actually be more of it. You’ll have to take a 30 gallon garbage bag full of it to the store to buy a loaf of bread. The Krugabe school of ‘inflation can never happen in Murika’ is one of the most idiotic things I have ever heard in my life. It’s been happening a couple of centuries now. If that’s not true, explain this 1965 price list:
Cost of a new home: $21,500.00
Cost of a gallon of regular gas: $0.31
Cost of a dozen eggs: $0.53
Cost of a gallon of Milk: $0.95
Krugabe NOT sharpest tool in shed.
They were smaller eggs then, duh.
Lets see…
The median cost of new home in November of 2016, according to
http://www.fedprimerate.com/new_home_sales_price_history.htm was $318300
Looking at https://data.bls.gov/cgi-bin/surveymost?ap for the other three items
we get
1965 2017 Factor
House: $ 21500 318300 14.8 (9.2 adj. for size, v.i.)
Gas: $ 0.31 2.418 7.8
Eggs: $ 0.53 1.409 2.7
Milk: $ 0.95 3.259 3.4
However, the houses are bigger than they used to be. From
https://www.census.gov/const/C25Ann/sftotalmedavgsqft.pdf
we get median square feet for new houses:
2015: 2467
1973: 1525
Which is a factor of 1.6. I wasn’t able to find average new construction size
earlier than 1973. So it’s probably a bit less of a factor
increase on a size basis.
Rounding a bit, it looks like food is about three times as expensive, while
housing and gas is about eight times as expensive. Relatively speaking, food
is cheaper now that it was, and housing and gas is more expensive.
Which makes sense to me, we’re wealthier than we were in 1965, and you only
need so many eggs, at which point the marginal utility of an additional egg is
pretty low, whereas the marginal utility of another bathroom is fairly high,
judging by all the houses I see for sale with more bathrooms than bedrooms.
To your point, how much is inflation, and how much is actual increased wealth
dragging some prices up? I don’t see any direct way to distinguish between
inflation and the items in the basket you use to get a price index increasing
in price relative to items not in the basket. To take a trivial example,
if you use the Big Mac index for your price index, and McDonalds increases
the price of a Big Mac by 10%, you’re going to measure 10% inflation,
which is absurd.
I am not familiar with the original statement, but perhaps something along
those lines leads someone to conclude that there’s no, or can’t be any
inflation. It seems to me though that if you’ve got X amount of money that
wants to buy Y amount of goods, if you increase X more than you increase Y,
you’re going to get inflation. A claim that it’s not possible to increase X
faster than Y strikes me as ridiculous.
TL;DR: perhaps the notion was that apparent inflation is necessarily balanced
out by price changes in goods not in the basket used to measure inflation
there’s something depressing about the fact that a piece like that only gets 55 comments, while breathless, factless editorials about the speculated Trump/Russian-nexus garner 1000s
Oh, and more depressing than that = not a single one of those comments seems to have actually read the piece, and replied specifically to any of its arguments.
one fellow tries throwing the labor theory of value at her. unlike every other NYT editorial, the author actually replies to his comment =
I’m not even reading that horseshit. but…
Which one of these things is not like the others?
Justice hasn’t been so perverted by the social “justice” crowd that we don’t get to claim it. I’m still hanging on to liberalism on that count.
They’ve also perverted the hell out of the term ‘equality’, as in equality under the law. Liberty is something they don’t even speak of, scares the fuck out of them.
You know what they haven’t perverted? Perversion. Every time I hear lefties open their mouths about transgressive sexual preference, I just want to yawn. They made sex sanitary and anodyne. They have ruined it the way they ruin everything. They talked it to death. Sure, that’s what people want, sex flayed out on the table and dissected to sate the curiosity of writers who wondered how far up their own asses they could crawl before they got stuck.
It’s Deirdre McCloskey, so probably an op-ed.
Is it wrong if she is still Don to me?
I dunno. I never heard of her in the before-time, and she presents reasonably convincingly as a woman, so it’s Deirdre to me.
OT – I just took a tumble down the back steps and instead of trying to catch my self with my hands, I instinctively went into a tumble. Nary a scratch! Thanks Mr. Chamberlain! (Principal of my school, phys ed teacher, nationally ranked wrestler, all around hard-ass and the bane of my existence from ages 8-12).
How old are you?
But did you keep your tumbler upright while you tumbled?
Old enough to know better. 52 if it matters.
Beer can. Shed not a drop. Practice makes perfect.
Yeah, if you can fall down a flight of steps without spilling your drink, you’re a legend.
I was at a baseball game in Cincy very first game in the new Great American Ballpark. I didn’t really like it, it seems weird, the rows are very steep where we were sitting. I guess they did that to maximize seating? Anyway, there was a drunken asshole right in front of us next row down. Every time Cincy got a hit, he would jump up and spill his beer on people. People were getting really pissed. But then in his finale, he actually fell over the people in the row in front of him and somehow made a flip and landed on his feet again with 2 beers in his hand and yells ‘I didn’t even spill my beer!’, which was not quite true, he did, but there really was still some beer in both cups. Then several people grabbed him and others went to get security so that they might be able to watch the game without being drowned in beer, lol.
“God watches over drunks and little children.” (Source unattributed but something that my Granny used to say alot!)
On topic (sort of), I present to you Tankie Takes, curating the best of tankies on twitter.
(quick tankie definition: “Stalin did nothing wrong”)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM0dbwDc2FE
Bravo, Swiss!
Is there going to be a nite post for Brutals? Brutals growing restless.
FLYING (high) STONE(r) (pot)HEAD is in rehab.
Hopefully he busts out and provides!
3 links, Omuhgerd!
Apropos of nothing, I tried Buffalo Trace Bourbon this afternoon and it was rather good. Much smoother than I expected for the price.
Maybe I’ll check it out sometime. Ever since I got into liquor and cocktails, I’ve always assumed that you have to spend a certain amount on a bottle if you want decent results, but I’ve been reconsidering that amount lately. It started when a bartender told me that Sobieski vodka is just as good as Tito’s, which I discovered to be true.
With Bourbon the extra value past a certain price point is small.
Maker’s Mark and Woodford reserve are the Bourbons I normally order but bar at Riis Park doesn’t stock either of those so I tried the BT and was quite pleasantly surprised. It was so smooth I needed no water back at all.
I’d like to drink from Leelee Sobiesky.
Listening to the Ricochet podcast reminisce about Roger Moore. Peter Robinson shares an anecdote about his time in Switzerland researching a book with William F. Buckley, who introduced Robinson to his social circle. He goes on a namedropping spree: at various times, Robinson shared meals next to the king of Greece (meh), Roger Moore (meh), and JAMES FLIPPING CLAVELL. That man was my teenage years! I read and reread his novels. King Rat is easily in my top ten. I have to this day an abiding affection for colonial Britain because of James Clavell. Fuck the haters, the Brits brought enlightenment to those savages.
Meh?! Feh!
I will say he follows up with some fun anecdotes about Moore, and Moore seems like a genuinely good guy. The way Craig kvetches about the role makes me want to quit liking Casino Royale. But Clavell was a touchstone for me.
Oh, that’s great.
I was obsessed with the Shogun miniseries in 6th grade or so but of course I remember none of it today.
I tried watching with an ex, but we never finished.
Also tried The Far Pavilions, but… also never finished.
Yeah, “meh” is a fine descriptive. He was a dashing sorta “meh’.