Saturday Morning You-Know-What

I can’t believe that I woke up early on a holiday weekend, just to give you people links. Show some gratitude, you entitled fuckers.

Anyway, in today’s Outrage, we find that, horror of horrors, the White House might want to have direct contact with the other superpower. I mean, can you imagine? Actually TALKING with adversaries? It must be a CONSPIRACY. In other news, Team Blue is resurrecting Joe McCarthy as their party symbol, since they have now completed their transition to the Party of Fear of Commies Hiding Under the Bed.

While we’re on the subject of the White House, is there any campaign promise that hasn’t been broken and ground into tiny shards? Yes, their commitment to not get sucked into the Anthropogenic Global Warming Catastrophe hysteria, one of the very few things Trump promised that seems like a good idea. And they’re sticking to that because… wait… what? Never mind.

There are stories which make me hate everyone involved, from stupid education bureaucrats to attention-whore parents to their entitled progeny. This is such a story. But I forgive the progeny because Jesus Christ LOOK AT THOSE! Old Man With Candy heartily approves.

The great mathematician Georg Cantor revolutionized mathematics with his rigorous treatments of infinity. Now, Cantor viewed this from the standpoint of pure numbers. But every once in a while, not often, you run into something which reminds the reader of Cantor’s work on handling infinities in mathematics. An aleph null of derp. Derp that goes beyond one’s normal conception of derp, qualitatively and quantitatively. It should be treasured when found, treasured for the rarity and perfection that it is. Admire it. Admire the perfection of the ultimate derp.

 

 

Comments

367 responses to “Saturday Morning You-Know-What”

  1. Did you have Derpetologist haul that last one out, using tongs and wearing full PPE?

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Letters to the Local Rag (aka These People Vote)

      This will definitely work….

      How about our school children and their parents sign contracts to be ready to attend school each school day, prepared to learn, to be active participants in their education, work to accomplish something for themselves, their families and their futures. And perhaps our teachers could give each student a contract as well, “I will teach you … and we will work together to be a very successful team that you can expect to be ready to enjoy a successful life as a productive, happy, healthy human being.”

      I’m sure he’s reading this right now…

      To the man who rear- ended my car on John Tyler Highway near the McDonald’s on May 16 and then fled the scene: Always remember, “What goes around, comes around.” You will pay for your cowardly act sometime in the future.

      Who to believe?

      I certainly hope that the College of William and Mary does not consider ex-FBI director James Comey. From the FBI agents that I’ve heard speak, many in the past do not like this man. They feel that he’s a tyrant, and I believe that the college would not be served very well by having a man of that stature, especially in a state that says “Sic Semper Tyrannis.”

      The W&M Presidential Search Committee should give serious consideration to recruiting former FBI Director Jim Comey. A man of impeccable integrity, a fine leader and a W&M graduate — there could not be a better choice.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        dammit, not supposed to be a response….

        I BLAME CLIMATE CHANGE

        1. Always a good out. AGW DONE IT!

        2. Gilmore

          Bless you, my child.

      2. They signed the Social Contract when they were born.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      My favorite of the week:

      Can anyone recommend a good surgeon for bunions?

      1. Self repair – WebMD, a bottle of bourbon and a big set of kitchen knives.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder
        2. Password gl1b
          1. Gustave Lytton

            We’re gonna need a bigger bottle of bourbon.

        3. mr simple

          My friend’s dad, a retired marine, always claimed he fixed his own hemorrhoid with a bottle of bourbon and a soldering iron.

      2. Gilmore

        I don’t even know what a bunion is, although i assume the French make wonderful soup out of them.

        1. egould310

          You’re thinking about Funions. And yes, the soup is wonderful.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Some proof that the Trumpalos can derp with the best of them…

      President Donald Trump is being blocked at every turn while he’s trying to keep out terrorists.

      The progressive left, left-leaning lawyers, liberal judges and the media have decided that political correctness has become more important than the nation’s safety.

      The president might want to declare martial law. Drastic? You bet, but so is the threat. With this declaration, the president can get rid of all the ridiculous blocks in his way to making America safer.

      Drew Allen

      Virginia Beach

      1. And he put his name on that….oy.

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          That could be a fake name he uses. I tell people I’m Fernando Valenzuela all the time.

      2. Pomp

        With enough term swapping, this would read exactly like an Obamabot 5 years ago. Tribe and obstruction!

      3. Rhywun

        Well… that took a left turn I wasn’t expecting.

        1. Suthenboy

          Yeah. I start reading ‘yeah…yeah…yeah…whoa! Hold up there sparky.’

          *In fairness to the guy almost no one knows what martial law and the laws surrounding it are or mean.

          1. Yeah, there aren’t too many people still living that are old enough to remember FDR (Democrat) and the policies he put in place.

    4. Agent Cooper

      It must be noted that even Taylor voted third party.

  2. Private Chipperbot

    LOOK AT THOSE!

    My white knight is rising to defend her.

    1. *polite applause*

    2. The Elite Elite

      When you can see from just a front angle that she’s busty, she must be very busty.

    3. Rhywun

      When this story popped up at the other place yesterday, THOSE did not make an appearance.

      This changes everything.

    4. Gilmore

      Her eyebrows tho.

      maybe other people don’t find the moncheechee thing as much of a turnoff, but it kills it for me.

      1. Hyperion

        She had eyebrows?

        1. The Elite Elite

          Gil has a point; her face isn’t terribly attractive. But, big tits can make up for a lot.

          1. commodious spittoon

            I think she’s cute as a button. And that shit-eating grin says Yes, they’re real, and they’re spectacular.

    5. Hyperion

      Wait… so now there’s a war on titties?

  3. straffinrun

    McCarthy actually found commie collusion. Team blue hasn’t found squat.

    1. Akira

      Can you provide me with some links to articles about Joe McCarthy and what he found? Most of what I see around is just basically “McCarthy was a big meanie to a bunch of innocent people, then he got censured. The end.”

      1. straffinrun

        Google Venona Cables.

        1. straffinrun

          Disclaimer: Not defending what McCarthy did.

      2. C. Anacreon

        Ann Coulter’s book “Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism” has an extensive and very well-referenced discussion of all the McCarthy era and how McCarthy was eventually proven to have been correct about a lot of things from the Venona Cables (which also showed the Rosenbergs were totally guilty).

        It’s also written when she was still pretty bitingly funny, I recall it being an enjoyable read.

    2. westernsloper

      Not according to some team blue members. I have read some say they are sure the entirety of the Trump administration is getting a paycheck from the Kremlin. Proof? We don’t need any stinking proof. They were having conversations so it was obviously illegal.

      1. Hyperion

        They’re also sure that Hillary will be made president in a week or so. They have no grasp on reality at all.

        1. C. Anacreon

          It is amazing. There are folks out there that think if they can just get Trump impeached, then Hillary will finally get her rightful throne.

          1. Azathoth

            Yes, and they’re the majority of writers and commenters at the ‘other’ site right now.

  4. BigT

    “”We have drug dealers walking across that stage, we have sex offenders walking across that stage and then the 4.4 student who showed her shoulders can’t.”

    I understand your interest. And you probably would.

    1. Rhywun

      It’s amusing that everyone’s pretending it’s about her shoulders.

      1. Old Man With Candy

        I’m not.

        1. Rhywun

          Present company excluded, of course.

      2. Q Continuum

        TITTAYS.

      3. commodious spittoon

        I’m just concerned about the load-bearing capacity of those shoulders.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Well A is for abominable Arabs…

    2. westernsloper

      “Our friends and neighbors,” she said. “What was the decision-making process to go to Saudi Arabia first? That is a question that I have,” she said.

      I don’t know. Maybe sealing the deal on a squillion dollars worth of bombs, guns and planes they want to sell them?

      1. Suthenboy

        And reassuring the Arabs that we have their back against Iran…Allying Israel and the other Arab nations against…oh, never mind Nancy. Go eat your fruitloops.

    3. Pomp

      Classic Pelosi from 2 months ago: “It will be the biggest transfer of wealth from low- and middle-income people to wealthy people in our country.”

      Another way of saying not giving is the same as taking.

    4. Rhywun

      What… are we supposed to be not friends with them now?

      1. Hyperion

        Not if Trump is president. If Hillary would have won it would be totally cool.

    5. Suthenboy

      See what happens when I post a scoop without reading the full comments first.

      *hangs head*

  5. Pomp

    I approve of this impotent raging.

    1. Old Man With Candy

      Polack or tits? Polack or tits? Can’t decide… oh who am I kidding? Tits.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Honestly, it could have been both

    2. He is sliding down the firepole to Hell – it is Satan’s problem now.

      “Imma call you Z-Big”

      1. straffinrun

        He did what he had to do. Think that’ll work on Satan?

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          Big Red will probably just lock him in a room with Cyrus Vance.

          It’s Kissinger he’s really waiting for,

  6. Pat

    “Well I don’t want him being our president, anyway…I wanted Hillary and Marack Obama,” the defeated 5-year-old said.

    It’s as substantive an analysis as any.

    1. Scripted by Mom, of course.

      1. RBS

        Of course it was. I have a five year old and I spend a lot of time with other five year olds. None of them give a shit about who the president is. In November my son’s class had a mock election. He voted for “the crazy guy.” Does that mean my FIVE YEAR OLD who knows absolutely nothing about politics is a Trump supporter? Of course not, it means he thought having a crazy guy in charge would be funny.

        1. RBS

          I should add that he voted for Godzilla as VP.

          1. Mainer

            Any write-in votes for Mothra

        2. Vhyrus

          To be fair that was my main rationale for voting for Trump as well.

  7. Suthenboy

    What, are you a teenager? OMWC, you are too old to be sleeping in. I watch the sun come up with coffee in hand every morning. It is a quarter to eight here and I have already done the weedeating, poured more coffee and I am sitting down to read.

    OK, I am grateful.

    *eyeroll*

    1. Old Man With Candy

      I need to mow, but can’t do it until after 8 because of the local noise ordinances. No weedeating, either. But hey, weedsmoking doesn’t make much noise.

      Fine idea, thanks!

      1. Suthenboy

        *thumbs up*

    2. Pat

      90% of the time when I’m posting in the AM links it’s because I’m still up from the previous day. I have never had a coherent thought before noon in my entire life.

      1. I bet you never had a coherent thought after noon, either.

        1. Pat

          That was a gimme, so you only get 1/2 points.

          1. Swiss only narrows the gaze in one eye?

          2. RBS

            These euphemisms…

    3. How’d you get the sun to come up with coffee in its hand? I don’t think even El Exigente managed that trick.

      1. Suthenboy

        It’s the south, man. Everyone drinks coffee here.

        1. Count Potato

          I don’t think the rest of the U.S. is much different.

        2. My grandfather would come in from mowing the lawn on a blazing hot, humid July afternoon and drink a steaming cup of black coffee. It’s a thing, for sure.

    4. Hyperion

      You morning people are from another planet.

  8. westernsloper

    Show some gratitude, you entitled fuckers.

    Your hard work and dedication is appreciated. Although, two WaPo’s to start it off and ending with a HuffPo is hard to stomach on a Saturday morning. The young lady smuggling puppies in her shirt was a good distraction though. What an idiotic policy. FREE THE PUPPIES *insert age of consent disclaimer here*

    The comments on the HuffPo article prove that many people could care less about issues, and it is all a popularity contest. “Oh she is so cute, she should be president some day!!”. What if the little girl grows up to be like Stacy Washington, or Sonnie Johnson? Will she still be cute or literally Hitler?

  9. Pat

    Melania Trump’s $51K Coat Is the Actual Definition of Out of Touch

    Showing up to an economic summit in a single piece of clothing that costs more than most Americans make in a year may just be one of Melania Trump’s biggest blunders to date.

    1. Pat


      ‘This will go down in fashion history’: Michelle Obama wows the world in a $12,000 custom-made Versace gown as the designer thanks her for ‘everything she’s done for women’

      It was her final state dinner as First Lady so it’s hardly surprising that Michelle Obama wanted to go out with a bang.

      The perennially stylish mother-of-two did just that on Tuesday night as she dazzled in a floor-length rose gold chainmail gown made especially for her by Atelier Versace.

      1. The Elite Elite

        Everything she’s done for women? Such as?

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          Pushing shitty school lunches on their kids?

        2. Akira

          She’s done a ton of great things for women! One time, she said- I mean… There was that speech where she mentioned- Uh…. Well, she sent a tweet where she said that…

          I’ll get back to you.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            #BringBackOurManlyWomen?

        3. Tundra

          Making average looking chicks feel really good about themselves?

      2. Suthenboy

        What about Hillary giving speeches on inequality wearing custom Mao suits she paid tens of thousands for? Popsugar was on that like stink on shit, right?

        1. Not an Economist

          “paid”? What do you mean “paid”. Do you think she has paid for any of her own clothing since Bill became President? All she has to do is call one of her designer sycophants and it gets delivered.

        2. Why in the shit would someone pay for those things to be made to spec? Is she just psyssed about smocks or something?

          1. “psyssed”?

    2. straffinrun

      Let’s all put on rags to visit the plebes. We’ll change late, but they like it this way.

    3. Akira

      I wonder what the price tag is on Hillary Clinton’s Mao-esque pantsuits…

      1. Rhywun

        Ten bucks each off the rack at Marshall’s. 20% discount if buying bulk.

      2. mexican sharpshooter

        For the totally reasonable fee of $12k you too can look like a colorful potato sack.

        http://nypost.com/2016/06/05/hillarys-extravagant-campaign-wardrobe-costs-at-least-200k/

        If I remember correctly that particular Armani ensemble retailed for over $40k, she just got it on sale.

    4. Tundra

      Damn. She is really what a First Lady ought to be.

    5. Hyperion

      But Hillary’s double wide mega-pantsuit is da bomb.

    6. Agent Cooper

      It’s not like they were poor before entering the WH.

  10. Suthenboy

    It looks like the TDS- MSM is going full anti-America in order to foil Trump. They would rather be the king of ashes than not be king. Are they going to vilify every attempt by the Trump admin’s contact with foreign governments? They are trying to paralyze his ability to do his job. Good luck with that you slimy fuckers.

    Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is being treated as a Russian spy because he once said we should be less antagonistic with Russia to further our own interests.

    Ex: USAToday refers to him as Russian-friendly https://www.usatoday.com/videos/news/nation/2017/05/26/putin-friendly-congressman-fbi-alert-russian-spies-insulting/102165768/

    Boston Globe headline : FBI once warned Trump ally that Russian spies were recruiting him
    https://www.bostonglobe.com/news/nation/2017/05/19/fbi-once-warned-trump-ally-that-russian-spies-were-recruiting-him/X2BzimLNURbXkr8B8o7NML/story.html

    1. straffinrun

      How far out there do you have to be when Lew Rockwell is defending Trump against your attacks?

      1. Suthenboy

        Without exaggerating, what they are doing is insane. They have deluded themselves into thinking that Trump is an enemy of America to the point where they will side with our enemies to be against Trump.

        Watch and see. When Trump tries to deal with Iran directly they will side with Iran.

        1. Q Continuum

          But we’re besties with Iran now right? I mean, why else would we be sending them pallets of cash by cover of darkness?

    2. Suthenboy

      Rather than reporting on the really important events and the implications of what is happening they are talking about Donnie Two Scoops getting his hand slapped by Melania (it wasn’t) and his shoving of some Eurocrat in the halls of power (he didn’t).

      They are completely missing or deliberately ignoring what he is accomplishing. He is reasserting American power and influence by allying the middle east Sunnis against the very real Shia Iran threat that hangs over the entire world. Having Israel part of that alliance could even bring the Palestinians into the fold and (long shot) bring some semblance of peace between Israel and the Palestinians. Jeebus fuck, that is something that no one else has been able to do and something I thought no one could. Mind you, I am not saying it will be successful, but he could bring about a sea-change that could. Will our MSM try to derail that? My bet is yes. Yes they will.

      He is telling the leeches in Europe to get off of their asses and pay for their own defense, live up to the contract they made. I thought our lefties loved telling people to pay their fair share. What happened to that?

      I keep using the word Sedition. That is what is going on here but just not in a way that could be prosecuted. Well, with John McCain I think it could be prosecuted. I would have to take a harder look at the other cases but I am not sure that is a road we want to go down.

      1. straffinrun

        Looking a lot like you could toss Comey in the clink if we actually had rule by law and not man.

      2. Rhywun

        The CIA snooping on Trump’s campaign seems kind of like a big deal to me. NYT spun it differently, of course.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          Seeing the old media cueing up to suck the deep state’s dick has been disturbing to say the least. It’s incredibly dangerous and irresponsible on their part.

      3. Suthenboy

        My apologies to RCDean. ‘Donnie Two Scoops’ is my new favorite POTUS nickname and I haven’t yet attributed it to him. That is his baby.

        1. R C Dean

          Thanks, but someone else came up with it.

  11. wchipperdove

    OT – Apropos of ‘Everybody Poops’ being Banjos’ kids’ favorite book, I would like to announce my own forthcoming potty-training manual for young children, Everybody Takes a Big Fuckin’ Shit. Kind of like ‘Go the Fuck to Sleep’ but with more feces.

    1. straffinrun

      I smell a NYT best seller.

      1. Pat

        I think it’s a shitty idea.

        1. Akira

          Don’t be so quick to wipe away the merit of this concept.

          1. Yeah. Stop dumping on people, Pat.

      2. ChipsnSalsa

        Get Samuel L Jackson to do the audio as well.

        1. westernsloper

          For a book like Everybody Takes a Big Fucking Shit, I vote Sam Kinison for audio. Or is he dead?

          1. RBS

            Bill Burr.

          2. R C Dean

            Poppy. Get Poppy to do the audio.

      3. Pomp

        From last night’s thread re: those foreigners whining about cigarette smoke, I get a belly laugh thinking about the same people trying that in mainland China. Mega lulz

        1. straffinrun

          No doubt the Chinese would react differently than the Japanese.

          1. Pomp

            Curl an extra wry smile, imagining a toddler dropping trow on the sidewalk and taking a dump in the gutter ten feet away from them and getting sprayed with particulates from some random passerby’s hacking cough.

    2. Suthenboy

      *wipes coffee off of screen*

      Goddammit

    3. Q Continuum

      Great a poop thread! Finally, a relevant time to discuss this. I got diagnosed a couple of days ago with C. diff and got put on Metronidazole (which sucks in and of itself). I’ve been reading up on this and it says that this infection can have long-term consequences (recurrence, lactose intolerance, more susceptibility to other GI infections). Anyone ever have this?

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Ouch. Not easily treatable. Good luck!

        1. Q Continuum

          Thanks. I’ll do my best. Be grateful you’re not in the same house as me (as if you need another reason).

      2. R C Dean

        No, but I know it’s a bitch. True fact: c diff spores are so tough the lab samples (of poop) are washed in alcohol to kill everything else before they culture the sample.

        1. Fatty Bolger

          Yeah, alcohol won’t kill the spores. That’s why visitors and employees have to wash with soap & water when somebody is under c. diff isolation.

          1. Q Continuum

            What about bleach?

          2. R C Dean

            Bleach works, but cleaning a whole room with bleach is hard on the cleaning staff.

      3. Pat

        I don’t know a lot about the procedure, so it might not be right for you, but I believe they use fecal microbiota transplant for c. diff infections. Might be something to talk to you doctor about.

        1. R C Dean

          I think we’ve been getting good results with that. Definitely ask.

      4. C. Anacreon

        I had it about 30 years ago after returning from a Spring Break trip to Mexico. Couldn’t raise my head off the sweat-soaked pillow for a week. Shat in a plastic bag and sent it in for analysis, that’s when the diagnosis came. Then the local Board of Health was on my case for awhile for having such an exotic bacteria. Never felt weaker or sicker, that’s for sure.

        Good news is, never had any recurrences or other GI infections, and dairy is a favorite part of my diet without the slightest problem.

  12. Scruffy Nerfherder

    A little late for that, doncha’ think?

    Henrico man accused of shooting parents on Easter ordered to take meds

  13. ChipsnSalsa

    OMWC, you really put some thought into the liks. Little write up on each one, your effort has not gone unnoticed. Good work.

    1. Old Man With Candy

      you really put some thought into the liks

      SP tells me that, yes.

      1. Q Continuum

        Just do the alphabet. Works every time.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          +1 Kinison

      2. *narrows gaze*

    2. ArchieBunker

      This. We Brutals like a little analysis with our links

  14. Is “derp” supposed to sound like a belch?

    1. Pat

      It’s supposed to sound like this.

    2. Pomp

      To me, it’s a sloppy wet flapping sound of a Mountain Dew and Ruffles juggalo shart.

  15. Suthenboy

    On the story about the 5 yo. I dont see that as ultimate derp. It is more or less on par with everything else I hear about Trump. Nancy Pelosi is complaining that he went to Saudi Arabia (he did for a very good reason which completely escapes her) first and that isnt even in alphabetical order.

    https://www.cnsnews.com/blog/craig-bannister/pelois-complains-trumps-trip-wasnt-even-alphabetical

    Good luck on that search for ultimate derp.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Pelosi has progressed from just plain not smart to vascular dementia.

      1. Q Continuum

        All joking aside, I think she might actually have some sort of degenerative condition. She looks crazier and crazier and says stupider and stupider things as time has worn on. G-d help us if the Dems win back the House in ’18.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          The freezing in mid-sentence like she’s done in public several times and various other signs point to just that.

    2. straffinrun

      Granted straffin does come before Suthen. Just by a bit, though.

    3. wchipperdove

      Taken from the comments section of that page: (sorry, I don’t know how to do quotes markup)

      The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little more than 65 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico.

      This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.

      However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, nine months after the historic day,

      the following people were born:

      Barrack Obama, Sr.

      Albert A. Gore, Jr.

      Hillary Rodham

      William J. Clinton

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        Aha! It all makes sense now!

      2. Old Man With Candy

        I don’t know how to do quotes markup

        Angle bracket blockquote angle bracket Stuff you want quoted Angle bracket /blockquote angle bracket

      3. The Elite Elite

        Here is a page with some basic HTML tags you can put into your comments. A nice little thing to have saved in your favorites for continuous reference.

      4. westernsloper

        Well now, this does make sense. Who is the fifth alien though?

        1. SimonD

          Hmm. My mom was born in April of 1948, and my grandfather was in the Air Force.

          Dangit, they always told me I was Cherokee; I guess there weren’t any set-asides for real alien aliens.

        2. Stinky Wizzleteats

          Sure, it is men, men who are motivated primarily by Islamic dictates or mental illness. Anyone capable of the mental gymnastics displayed in that article has to be intelligent enough to realize they’re full of shit.

          1. Stinky Wizzleteats

            Well damn, responded to the wrong comment. Must be past time for my morning nap.

          2. Q Continuum

            GILMORE’D!

      5. ArchieBunker

        Bill was born in August. I know this because we share birthdays

        1. westernsloper

          DENIER ALERT

          1. ArchieBunker

            I know when my hero’s b-day is dammit. I too hope to give a cum-shot facial in the oval office one day

      6. egould310

        You have to click through to read the whole alien comment. There is a punchline at the end. It’s not too bad.

  16. Count Potato

    “It’s not Muslims or people with mental health problems who are most likely to kill you in a terrorist attack – it’s men”

    http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/terrorist-attack-muslims-mentally-ill-japan-france-germany-men-its-toxic-masculinity-a7158156.html

    1. Q Continuum

      Ergo, all men must die. The feminist wet dream.

      1. The Last American Hero

        Sucks to be you guys. This gorgeous specimen looks forward to being kept around as a drone.

        1. Grummun

          Fun fact: the hive only suffers the drones to hang around during the summer when they might be needed to fertilize a new queen. When the workers (all females) are settling the hive into survival mode for the winter, they woman-handle the drones out into the cold and change the locks.

    2. straffinrun

      As the attacks mount up, the individual profiling descends into morbid freefall and we overlook the most basic commonality: these crimes were all committed by men.

      Bet you didn’t see that coming after the colon.

      1. Suthenboy

        As I recall it is not ‘all’ of the terror attacks. Israel has had quite a few female suicide bombers, shooters and stabbers.

        There are some commonalities that they missed: people who wear clothes, people who have hair, people who are alive, people who speak…etc.

        That is a spectacular logic fail.

        1. Count Potato

          Tashfeen Malik was at least equally guilty of the San Bernardino attack.

        2. LT_Fish

          +1 Black Widow (the Chechen edition)

    3. Rhywun

      And they say peak derp doesn’t exist.

    4. AlmightyJB

      It’s​ funny how all men are such raging murderous rapebots that feminist feel free to insult, berate, and disrespect us with impunity. Not only will we not retaliate, we will staunchly defend their right to do so. Try generalizing about women and see how that goes.

      1. Akira

        I’ve pointed this out to feminists, and the usual response is 1) men hold all the levers of power and are advantaged over women in every way*, and 2) even if men were discriminated against in some way, it’s actually what they deserve since men “oppressed” women so much in the past… Because apparently, males who were just born have somehow earned a share of guilt because of what people of the same gender did to women decades ago.

        * Men are vastly overrepresented in homicides, suicides, incarcerations, and homelessness… Are women REALLY faring so poorly in this country??

        1. KSuellington

          Progressives believe in Original Sin with respect to race so why not just throw gender in as well? It fits their religion perfectly.

  17. Q Continuum

    DON’T ANY OF YOU WO… wait, what’s today? OK, carry on.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Gutless amateur. If you’re going to culturally appropriate my routine do it right, American.

      DO ANY OF YOU WORK?!?!

      /drops mic.

      1. RBS

        “Gutless amateur”

        This is insufficiently sensitive to Q’s newly diagnosed condition.

        1. Q Continuum

          HA!

          1. Q Continuum

            Far from being gutless, I’ve become much, much more aware of their existence lately. As have the people around me.

        2. Rufus the Monocled

          Which is?

          1. Q Continuum

            C. diff.

          2. Q Continuum

            See poop thread above.

          3. Rufus the Monocled

            Just did. Sorry to hear that! Good luck.

      2. Q Continuum

        And I’m doing it while eating Poutine! HA!

      3. Hey, the Rugby Premiership Final is on right now….after that, I will get to the yardwork.

      4. AlmightyJB

        Not for 9 glorious days!

      5. Fatty Bolger

        WE WORK TO FURTHER THE GLORY OF THE LIBERTARIAN CAUSE! ALL HAIL LIBERTOPIA!!

    2. Yes, we womanize.

      (This is why there are no female libertarians….)

  18. Count Potato

    “California Forces YouTube To REMOVE Damning Tapes Of Planned Parenthood Doctors Discussing Atrocities”

    http://www.dailywire.com/news/16912/california-forces-youtube-remove-damning-tapes-ben-shapiro

    1. Count Potato
      1. LT_Fish

        This was pretty disturbing too.

        I’d love to see this case make it up to the Supremes just to exonerate CMP.

  19. AlmightyJB

    School administrators are the worst petty bureaucrats.

    1. Suthenboy

      Grade school is a petty tyrant’s wet dream. They have a powerless and captive population under their boot.

      1. AlmightyJB

        They treat the parents like their “subjects” as well. It should be the other way around, but who has the government thugs on their side.

  20. AlmightyJB

    Any mother who stresses their 5 year old out over politics is a Cunt.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Agreed. Got the parent a writeup in a leftist garbage rag though.

    2. Fatty Bolger

      Absolutely.

  21. Rufus the Monocled

    Re the story about the story.

    My fucken Lord the optics are terrible. The principle lures students into a room, asks them to leave except one leaving her with a cop and his hand on the god damn trigger and the girl alone?! Over a dress code violation?!?! My daughter got into a little trouble when she went into school with her Girl Guides uniform (because it was Girl Guides day) but because her school has a dress code, she forgot to ask us to ask the school to exempt her on that day – which they normally grant. Anyway, my daughter can be a little feisty and she’ll fight for her colours but the principal and staff handled it like PROS. No cops, no bull shit, no isolating kids like their criminals. Not only that, I learned the principal knows my daughter’s, um, idiosyncrasies very well and proceeded to deal with it properly. We were impressed and appreciative.

    That principal is just a pure asshole if you ask me. Telling a child they will arrest her. Makes me want to punch a Nazi or a progressive; preferably a progressive.

    Also, all these crazy zealotry rules in schools, I presume there are governing boards and PTA’s and stuff like so parents get involved, no? Why would they accept any of this lest it happens to their own children?

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      I know it sounds all internet tough guy, but hell would rain down on the administration and the school board (I’m smart enough to know the cop could’ve shot her and not been punished) if it was my daughter.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        I just don’t get this mentality of calling the cops on CHILDREN. It’s mind boggling. You just don’t see that up here for inconsequential things like that.

        I’m reading the comments and some people have this disease of ‘yeh well it sounds like she’s not a first time offender ergo…’ So calling a cop in with their finger on the trigger is an appropriate response? Plenty of children are defiant, doesn’t mean they’re evil to the point of calling in law enforcement.

        1. AlmightyJB

          I blame Clintons ’94 crime bill. 100,000 new cops. They have to always be looking for new and innovative ways to pig.

          1. Akira

            I just looked up exactly what was in that bill. Fucking wow. Here’s a president who signed a bill authorizing the death penalty for more crimes, introducing the three-strikes provision, and eliminating educational opportunities for prison inmates.

            Next time I meet a “progressive”, I’m going to describe those three things as the work of “some Southern politician back in the ’90s” and see if they go on a rant about racist Republicans. I really want to see the look on their face when I tell them that that politican was actually their beloved Bill Clinton.

          2. AlmightyJB

            Oh yeah it was an awful bill. You can do the same thing with who deported more illegals than all of the president’s in the 20th century combined and then drop the it was Obama bomb on them.

          3. Fatty Bolger

            You’ll be met with denial, rationalization, and finally, apathy.

          4. AlmightyJB

            The crime bill was originally written by Joe Biden

          5. Akira

            Oh lord… That’s fucking gold. It’s my mission to spring this trap on them.

    2. Misuse of the word “optics” is a violation of the NAP.

  22. Q Continuum

    In keeping with the apparent theme of today.

    http://thechive.com/2017/05/22/bring-it-on-monday-flbp-is-here-to-protect-us-36-photos/

    MOAR BOOBEES.

    1. Q Continuum

      Again, probably SFW, but if you have a restrictive office stay away.

    2. AlmightyJB

      Mercy. Mercy. Mercy

      1. Q Continuum

        I’ll take numbers 17 and 31 to go please.

        1. AlmightyJB

          I WANT ALL THE BOOBIES!

    3. Hyperion

      22

  23. AlmightyJB

    “because Jesus Christ LOOK AT THOSE!”

    Seriously, why bother with college. Those are flashing neon gold digger lights.

  24. Slammer

    Lesson of the day:

    Each titty gets you an extra .2 above a perfect 4.0 gpa

    1. AlmightyJB

      As well they should. Academics are not everything.

      1. JD

        School should prepare one for real life, correct?

    2. Q Continuum

      +2 DDs

  25. JD

    Good morning, Glibs. Just getting around here.

    I don’t follow English soccer closely but I’m oddly long forward to watching the FA Cup today.

    1. Rhywun

      I’m indifferent to Arsenal but I hate Chelsea with the heat of a thousand suns so I’ll be hate-watching this one.

      1. Q Continuum

        GO GUNNERS!

  26. Suthenboy

    From the boob story:

    “I completely understand why a dress code is put into place…”

    I dont think you do.

    She committed an arrestable offense of…? Yet all she got was a suspension for insubordination to a petty tyrant? I think principle shithook just admitted that the threat of arrest was capricious and arbitrary.

    1. AlmightyJB

      If only we could get everyone to put on the damn sunglasses.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      That’s one spectacle England has up on the other major leagues. Not many care (at least it doesn’t capture the imagination among them anyway) about the League Cup tournaments in Germany, Italy and Spain. The FA Cup has a long, rich tradition and history that grants it a special place among soccer fans.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Darn that Vishnu. Meant for JD. Sorry SB!

        1. Suthenboy

          Well, boobs..cups…it kinda fits.

      2. JD

        GIlmored, but I found it.

        It’s weird that there’s the league championship but then the FA Cup. Sort of like college basketball conference championships and tournament champions.

        1. Rhywun

          I like the Cup because someone gets else a chance to win something. Another reason to root against Chelsea.

    1. Rhywun

      Makes perfect sense to me.

    2. Q Continuum

      Not at all surprising.

    3. Gilmore

      I’d demand that Rush perform 10 pullups to prove he’s not a communist

      1. Rhywun

        LOL

    4. Q Continuum

      “there may be something to men with capitalistic views hitting the gym”

      Seems completely reasonable. You’re willing to invest time and effort for a tangible result; physical performance and sports are naturally meritocratic. Hence why the majority of pro-athletes seem to have conservative leanings. If you’re a socialist, you probably just spend all your time bemoaning that the fit guys at the gym got it all through genetics and how unfair it is.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Someone once told me (a natural sore loser) it was okay that games ended in ties by design. I asked if he ever played sports. He said no.

        I rested my case.

      2. Akira

        Exactly.

        Lifting weights teaches you a lot of hard but immensely valuable lessons:
        – You have to work hard and work smart if you want results.
        – You have to sacrifice things you enjoy if you want to get in shape.
        – You can’t mooch off of someone else’s success.
        – Finally, some people just have it easier due to natural aptitude or genetics, but if you are constantly comparing yourself to these people, you will fail. Just do whatever it is that you do best.

        Taking up weight lifting and running is probably the best thing I ever did for myself both physically and mentally.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          I’m always teaching my daughter to push and fight through things. I learned that in sports. She’s a decent athlete but not interested in joining sports.She did soccer one year and tennis the next. But now she’s starting to want to be like me a little more so I’m encouraging it. Tennis I like because of the self-regulating mechanism of digging deep down and resisting blaming anyone but your self. Unlike that those losers in the DNC, ha, ha.

          I told her the story of the time my high school team (made up of Team Canada, Quebec and AAA players at the time; so we were pretty good) was in the championship game against a French-Canadian prep private school. The defender covering me would walk up to me and put his cleats on top of my foot and just stay there. Of course, my initial response was to punch him but this wasn’t hockey and I explained to her I would have hurt the team doing that. Instead, I ignored it and channeled my anger to scoring two goals and winking at the fucker both times. We won 4-1.

          That’s why I like sports.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Yeh, that’s where I went after Limbaugh said that’s where he got it. Shoulda linked to it but that site is now bookmarked for me.

      2. Q Continuum

        Not that I’d expect anything less from an Evolutionary Psychology journal, but right off the bat I have a problem with the title. Egalitarianism =/= socialistic forced equality of outcome. I HATE that that gets conflated all the time. I am egalitarian in that I believe everyone has equal opportunity and negative rights endowed by the Creator. That does not in any way equate to “everyone is identical and any differences are bad mm’kay?”.

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          They do mention that. In discussing why they use two measures for the construct of “sociopolitical egalitarianism”: “[Social Dominance Orientation] and support for redistribution are similar in that both are forms of sociopolitical egalitarianism that have been analyzed in relation to male formidability in previous studies (Petersen et al., 2013, Price et al., 2011). However they are also quite different conceptually, so in our analysis we regarded them as distinct outcome variables.”

          1. Q Continuum

            “We also focused on a particular form of egalitarianism, ‘sociopolitical egalitarianism’—that is, attitudes about how status and resources *ought to be* distributed among different groups within society” (emphasis mine)

            That right there is the crux of the matter. Classic is-ought problem; though I do appreciate them actually defining the term they’re using.

      3. Suthenboy

        Humans like to control other humans. Weak humans like to band together and try to enlist strong humans to do their bullying for them. Reward without risk.

        Did I get that right?

        1. Hyperion

          Get some muscle over here?

  27. Hyperion

    “You-Know-What”

    The lefties are shitting their pants over Trump’s son-in-law and … *drum roll* … RUSSIANS!!!

    1. JD

      It’s pants-shitting all the way down.

    2. Q Continuum

      ROOSKIE DUN STOLED MUH KUNTRY!

  28. Hyperion

    “Actually TALKING with adversaries? It must be a CONSPIRACY.”

    Well, over at WaPo, the lefties have went to a level of hysteria that I’ve not seen before, even out of them, and are proclaiming Hillary POTUS. Seriously.

    1. Q Continuum

      Back in the psych ward we call that DELUSION. Time for someone’s Thorazine!

      1. Akira

        Back when I worked in the mental health department of the women’s prison, I would hear the inmates chit-chatting out in the waiting room as I shuffled through my mountains of paperwork (yes, paper forms, in 2017). They were nearly unanimous in their love of Hillary. During the 15 months that I worked there, I only heard one opinion that slightly deviated from the standard TDS and Hillary anilingus, and that was one woman who said, “sure, Trump lies, but what’s different between him and any other president?” I thought she may have been the smart one out of the bunch, but a minute or two later, she said, “It’s stupid that people are so scared of socialism… Socialism works!”

    2. Suthenboy

      No link?

      1. Hyperion

        It’s the one about Kushner with the 12k unhinged comments.

  29. Hyperion

    “since they have now completed their transition to the Party of Fear of Commies Hiding Under the Bed.”

    And the funniest part is that they are the commies.

  30. Q Continuum
    1. AlmightyJB

      Oh good Lord.

      1. Q Continuum

        She is going to make some lucky guy, or defensive line, very happy one day.

  31. Count Potato

    “Now Clinton is out with a new children’s book: She Persisted: Thirteen American Women Who Changed the World. She said it’s inspired by Warren’s perseverance, plus her own efforts to inspire her children with the stories of inspiring real women.”

    http://www.glamour.com/story/chelsea-clinton-new-childrens-book-homage-to-strong-persistent-women

    I wonder if a thesaurus might inspire the author not to use the same verb three times in one sentence.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      I’m guessing Condi Rice – or any conservative women for that matter – didn’t make the cut.

      1. Count Potato

        “This book features: Harriet Tubman, Helen Keller, Clara Lemlich, Nellie Bly, Virginia Apgar, Maria Tallchief, Claudette Colvin, Ruby Bridges, Margaret Chase Smith, Sally Ride, Florence Griffith Joyner, Oprah Winfrey, Sonia Sotomayor–and one special cameo.”

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          Tubman was a devout Christian and gun enthusiast who believed that God spoke to her directly in the form of dreams and visions.

          1. Hyperion

            I doubt that Chelsea did any deep research and her target audience are not likely to do so either. There’s 2 strikes there as judged by progtopia, so today the outrage mob would attack the poor woman without mercy.

          2. AlmightyJB

            Harriet Tubman isn’t really black or a woman. Harriet Tubman is a white man. I for one am proud to claim her as one of us.

          3. Hyperion

            Well, all of us here know that what you mean by that is that you think you can get her to do laundry and cook for you, amirite?

          4. Heroic Mulatto

            We need to get “him” off our money then!

          5. AlmightyJB

            Well I thought a Native American like Elizabeth Warren should have been on the twenty to begin with.

          6. AlmightyJB

            Plus Cocahontas

          7. Q Continuum

            You mean she’s an NRA Christfag? *quickly throws previous copy of book in memory hole* Harriet Tubman was never part of this book, it’s always been Margaret Sanger. Eugenics good. Guns and G-d bad.

        2. AlmightyJB

          Where is Caitlyn Jenner at? Do any of those other women have an Olympic gold medal in the men’s decathlon? I didn’t think so.

          1. Hyperion

            She’s busy trying to sew a package back on.

          2. AlmightyJB

            Penis envy?

        3. BigT

          Rachel Carson not there? Janet Reno?

      2. AlmightyJB

        “I’m guessing Condi Rice – or any conservative women for that matter – didn’t make the cut.”

        They’re not really woman if they’re conservative. Nor can someone be conservative and black because race is a social construct unless you’re a white girl identifying as black, then it’s not.

        1. AlmightyJB

          Don’t worry about not understanding because the rules are simply what the progs say they are at any given time.

        2. Q Continuum

          +1 gender traitor

    2. Hyperion

      No reviews on Amazon. I always find it amusing how some people with too much time on their hands develop delusions that they actually have talent.

    3. Count Potato

      It looks like every page of with text has the word “persisted”.

    4. JD

      I’d be more likely to read her book if it was called “Coattails: Thirteen American Women Who Married into Fame and Fortune” instead.

    5. Q Continuum

      I can’t support this attempt to push Chelsea as the Dems’ future enough. Keep throwing the Clintons against the wall, it’s bound to stick eventually!

      1. Count Potato

        You mean if they persist?

      2. Hyperion

        I have no doubt that the Dems will get her nominated for POTUS at some point in the future, after Hillary is too feeble to run again. And once that happens, they will keep trotting her out no matter how many times she loses.

      3. Rhywun

        Eew!

  32. Hyperion

    Not sure this has been brought up here yet or not, I haven’t had a lot of time to post. The most interesting thing for me about the Montana election was not the Republican winning right after assaulting someone, but that the LP candidate got 5.7% of the vote. Haven’t checked over at TSTSNBN yet to see if Gillespie or Welch have proclaimed it as proof we’re having a libertarian moment.

    1. Suthenboy

      If you do, count the number of times they talk about that vs the number of times they blame Trump for the win.

      I am fully expecting them to go full prog any day now.

      1. Hyperion

        They’ve apparently, at least to some extent, bought into the Russian bullshit. Which is really sad.

        1. Akira

          What?? Oh man… That IS sad.

          There’s a guy I was friends with from about 8th grade until a few years after we graduated. We didn’t really stop being friends; we just got busy with other things and never really hung out again. I’ve asked a few people how he’s doing, and they’ve said that he has no job, moved in with whichever relatives will tolerate him, and does nothing but smoke pot. In fact, most of these people have said that they don’t really see him much because it’s just depressing. It’s obvious that he’s not happy with his life, and everyone has tried to steer him towards a more rewarding lifestyle, but he just seems intent on doing what he’s doing.

          That’s kind of the feeling I get thinking about The Other Site.

          1. Stinky Wizzleteats

            Wasted potential is sad to see.

          2. Hyperion

            “What?? Oh man… That IS sad.”

            It’s a new low for the Cosmos.

        2. Somalian Road Corporation

          While the threat of cocktail parties is well-known, most can only drink for so long. Combine that with being in a Twitter bubble posting some hot take every 8 waking minutes and the mind turns to mush.

        3. BigT

          Not Welch or Kmele. On Fifth Column podcast they are laughing at Ruskie fears.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Just think, if both candidates had whupped up on somebody he might have even gotten ten percent.

  33. Brochettaward

    What I enjoy most about the Washington Post “bombshell” on Kushner is that they admit deep into the story that transition teams seeking out private channels of communication with foreign powers is normal.

    It is common for senior advisers of a newly elected president to be in contact with foreign leaders and officials. But new administrations are generally cautious in their handling of interactions with Moscow, which U.S. intelligence agencies have accused of waging an unprecedented campaign to interfere in last year’s presidential race and help elect Trump.

    Obama administration officials say members of the Trump transition team never approached them about arranging a secure communications channel with their Russian contacts, possibly because of concerns about leaks.

    They write this right after throwing shade on Flynn and Sessions for supposedly lying about their own contacts with Russians. They’re basically trying to insinuate doing normal aspects of your job is evidence of treachery…

    1. Suthenboy

      “They’re basically trying to insinuate doing normal aspects of your job is evidence of treachery…”

      That is exactly what they have been doing all along. They are going to keep doing it every time the Trump admin does anything at all.

      Some bobble head is on tv right now complaining that Trump didn’t mention NATO’s article 5 like Hilldog would have done. I have lost count of the times I have heard someone claim that he should be acting more like the Democrat that was rejected and lost the election.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        The only people that believe that was a problem are at the various news agencies. Thing is, they don’t believe that either.

      2. Q Continuum

        I for one am ok with the media going full tinfoil retard and salting the Earth over their already ruined credibility. At this point I think the ~30ish% of people who still take them seriously is about as low as you’re gonna get. What that says about ~30% of the population is another matter entirely…

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Like receiving the Russian ambassador at the White House? The freakout over that was some of the silliest nonsense I’ve ever seen.

  34. Derpetologist

    random thought

    The reason the US military adopted the M16 is based on studies from WW2 that showed that the main predictor of enemy casualties was the number of rounds fired. The M16 can fire faster and its ammo weighs less, which allows soldiers to carry more.

    If we extend this principle to other weapons, the goal should be to maximize shrapnel/projetiles in order to maximize the probability of hitting an enemy.

    Turns out that someone thought of this during WW2:

    ***
    A Lazy Dog (sometimes called a Red Dot Bomb or Yellow Dog Bomb) is a small, unguided kinetic projectile measuring 1.75 inches (44 mm) in length, 0.5 inches (13 mm) in diameter, and weighing 207 grains, or about 0.47 ounces (13 g).

    The weapons were designed to be dispersed over the battlefield with Mark 44 cluster adapters. Lazy dog projectiles were technically not bombs because they used no explosive, but were in many ways equally destructive. Mark 44 cluster adapters were one of many possible means to deliver “Lazy Dog” projectiles.

    Shape 5, an improved basic Lazy Dog slug, had the force of a .50 caliber bullet and could penetrate 24 inches (61 cm) of packed sand. Shape 2 could penetrate 12 inches (30 cm) of sand — twice as much as a .45 caliber slug fired point blank.

    Regardless of how they were released into the air, each “Lazy Dog” projectile would develop an enormous amount of kinetic energy as it fell, penetrating nearly any material upon hitting the ground. Some reports say that their speeds often exceeded 500 mph before impact.
    ***

    This weapon has some interesting advantages: besides being very cheap, it is harmless after it hits, unlike cluster bomblets which can sometimes fail to explode. It would also be able to penetrate the roofs of most buildings without destroying the buildings.

    Imagine a B52 dropping a few hundred thousand of these guys: it’d be like a rain of bullets.

      1. LT_Fish

        Yeah, read about these years ago. First Gen Kinetic Penetrators (limited to terminal velocity vs orbital bombardment), but nice and cheap.

    1. Q Continuum

      The bukkake method of warfare.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Not sexy enough for the Pentagon. Make it explode somehow or make it out of depleted uranium or some shit and you might get their attention.

      1. Derpetologist

        Ah, the Deadpool principle- maximum effort

        All joking aside, it would be nice if the focus was on making the best weapons for winning the war instead the weapons which are the most profitable for the weapons manufacturers.

        Everybody likes fancy weapons. The bass hats like them because they’re cool. The manufacturers like them because they’re profitable. The congress critters like them because they bring jobs to their districts.

        It won’t change until the military budget is cut, which is unlikely to happen anytime soon.

  35. Suthenboy

    I still want a link to the WaPo claiming Hillary is POTUS. I searched and cant find it.

    1. Hyperion

      Not the article, the comments. The story just goes on about how Kushner is one of the masterminds behind the Trumputin affair. The commenters have went completely apeshit.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        WaPo has become a hive mind of abject stupidity and Russia fear.

        1. Somalian Road Corporation

          Democracy dies in darkness.

    2. Hyperion

      “Well, over at WaPo, the lefties have went to a level of hysteria that I’ve not seen before, even out of them, and are proclaiming Hillary POTUS. Seriously.”

      What I was saying there, maybe not too clear, is that the commenters over there are already proclaiming Hillary POTUS because they’re sure Trump is going to be impeached and removed, and apparently the rest of the GOP are also being thrown out because they’re saying things like ‘GOOD IT’S ABOUT TIME, HILLLARY DESERVES THE JOB AND SHE WON ANYWAY!’.

      1. Suthenboy

        Ah, ok.

        1. Suthenboy

          I love how they think it follows that if Trump is impeached (not gonna happen) that the presidency will fall automatically to the Hildebeast.

          1. Q Continuum

            Well, the Constitution is a living document after all.

          2. Hyperion

            They have no idea what it takes to amend the Constitution.

          3. Stinky Wizzleteats

            At what point can we just call what the left is trying to do sedition and be done with it? We’d have quite a civil war if they got their way.

          4. Hyperion

            They act like they believe that they’re going to remove Trump, Pence, Ryan and then everyone else down that list in a week or so. They cannot be told that there is no path for Hillary to become president either than running again in 2020 and winning the electoral vote. You can’t fix stupid.

          5. Suthenboy

            They want a coup. They didn’t get their way and now their power is threatened. They are stomping their feet and demanding that they get what they want anyway. It isnt going to happen.

            If you try and drain the swamp the swamp critters are going to scream and cry. You have to put your fingers in your ears and set more dynamite in the levee.

  36. Derpetologist

    today in “it’s different when *we* do it”

    http://www.alternet.org/trump-flounders-rage-mounts
    ***
    Like the riots that have greeted right-wing provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos on college campuses, and the fracas that prevented conservative writer Charles Murray from speaking at Middlebury, the attacks on Ben Jacobs and the Kurdish demonstrators indicate that substantial numbers of Americans are becoming less tolerant of free speech and more permissive of political violence to silence view they don’t like.

    One difference: the leftist protesters did not physically assault the speakers who offended them. Trump’s allies did.
    ***

    They really believe this. I guess that female professor who got a concussion for the crime of being on the stage with Charles Murray is just fake news.

    1. Q Continuum

      Forget it man, it’s alternet.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        Three minutes on YouTube should refute that writer’s premise.

    2. Brochettaward

      I’m more baffled by the inclusion of Erdogen’s lackies roughing up a few Kurds as evidence that Americans are losing free speech.

    3. John Titor

      If we’re counting the actions of Turkish thugs as reflective of Americans, might as well also throw in that Icelander who tried to poison Spencer, it’s only “fair”.

  37. Q Continuum
    1. Suthenboy

      It is relatively easy to avoid. Have a lightning rod in your house and go inside during storms. Don’t shower or wash dishes during storms. If you aren’t at your house, get in your car.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        When I was just out of highschool my roommate got shocked pretty good while washing the dishes during a thunderstorm. He let out a yelp and his hair was standing straight out like he had his hand on a Tesla coil. He was fine so it’s kind of funny looking back on it.

        1. LT_Fish

          One of the guys I worked with in college got struck twice the same summer walking across the campus quad. That’s just unlucky.

    2. Hammercorps

      Also don’t stick your arm out the window when driving. Brother and his buddy got hit that way.

  38. Brochettaward

    Hag prog writer tries to humanize Hillary and explain her loss (it was the sexism, Russians and Comey, shitlords!) for the umpteenth time. Predictably fails.

    Hillary comes off as condescending, bitter, and makes a long list of excuses to avoid owning up to any of her own mistakes. She also adds voter suppression by Republicans in Wisconsin to the laundry list this go around and insults third party voters as crazy. She and the reporter are baffled by supposed attempts by the mainstream media to be more “evenhanded.” Which may just be the most oblivious comment I’ve seen on the state of the current media climate. The media was too rough on her and didn’t cover Trump’s scandals enough.

    It’s all very nice and vomit inducing. Just like everything else about her.

    1. Somalian Road Corporation

      “The media were too easy on Trump and hard on Hillary” people are utterly hilarious.

    2. Hyperion

      It’s the glasses, probably, that work to make her face look rounder, or maybe just the bareness of her skin.

      OR MAYBE IT’S THAT SHE’S GAINED 80 POUNDS, YOU FUCKING HACK!

    3. Hyperion

      How the fuck could anyone even read all of that? What a long winded back of hot air.

      1. Brochettaward

        But if you don’t read it all, you’re going to miss out on excellent derp like this:

        Recall Anita Hill’s claims of sexual harassment by Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas in 1991; women suffered a material loss with long-lasting consequences when Thomas was confirmed in spite of Hill’s testimony. (Thomas’s part in gutting the Voting Rights Act was likely a contributing factor to Clinton’s 2016 loss.) But the fury that Hill’s treatment provoked in women proved catalytic. In 1992, a record number of women ran and were elected to Congress, and EMILY’S List blossomed into one of Washington’s most powerful political institutions.

        1. Rhywun

          Good lord.

    4. Suthenboy

      It’s funny, I haven’t heard a peep out of the Hillary fanatics about ‘deplorables’ or ‘crushing news organizations that have no right to exist’, or about putting all of the coal miners out of work.

    5. RegicidalManiac

      That is just… utterly vile.

  39. Francisco d’Anconia

    Summer says she and the principal have had a number of issues during her four years at the school.

    So, a smart-ass punk kid with authority issues who pushes the limits.

    ONE OF US!

    I like her, but she needs to realize when you stand up to the man, you’re gonna take your lumps. Sometimes it’s worth it, sometimes it’s not. Unfortunately, she won’t likely believe that until she’s 30. I was just like her (except for the tits).

    Oh, and the principle sounds like a cunt.

  40. Derpetologist

    low-hanging fruit: Pelosi confuses NSA and NRA

    https://heatst.com/politics/nancy-pelosi-not-sure-theres-a-difference-between-the-nra-and-the-nsa/

    ***
    But the Congressional Democrat might be having a difficult time getting her facts straight on the subject. At the Peter G. Peterson Foundation’s 2017 Fiscal Summit, she appeared to confuse the National Security Administration—the NSA—with the National Rifle Association—the NRA, while waxing poetic about Donald Trump’s ties to the Russians.

    One she supports and the other she definitely doesn’t.

    “To have a president say, if he did, to the director of the FBI, or the DNI, the Director of National Intelligence, or the NRA person that—um, uh, that they should not go forward, it raises questions that need to be answered in a facts and law way, and not hearsay,” Pelosi told the audience.

    Perhaps, subconsciously, Pelosi was acknowledging the role lawful gun owners play in protecting and defending private property in the United States, and, consequently, how important it is to national security that Second Amendment rights be protected.
    ***

    1. AlmightyJB

      Well she’s pushing 80. Power hungry old hag. Retire already.

      1. Hyperion

        And take that geriatric old loon, McCain, with her.

        1. John Titor

          It’s particularly funny seeing McCain talk about ‘Russian hacking’ like he’s some kind of informed authority when he’s a completely ignorant geezer.

          1. Hyperion

            He’s just mad that his neocon buddy, Hillary didn’t win. I’ll vote for Trump in 2020 if he takes McCain and his crummy little toady, Graham, and clacks their heads together like Moe.

  41. Derpetologist

    It’s nice to see that Robert Spencer’s sense of humor was not affected by being poisoned:
    Philippines: Islamic State jihadis capture and murder nine Christians
    ***
    Did these Christians draw Muhammad? Did they poke the Muslims in the eye in some way? They must have provoked them, right? If we just stay quiet, we will be okay, right?

    Actually, their crime was only to be Christian. Pope Francis is no doubt jetting to Marawi City as we speak, so as to explain to these jihad mass murderers that true Islam and the proper understanding of the Qur’an reject every form of violence.
    ***

    https://www.jihadwatch.org/2017/05/philippines-islamic-state-jihadis-capture-and-murder-nine-christians

  42. Derpetologist

    The Manchester suicide bomber reported a teacher for Islamophobia, because the teacher condemned suicide bombing
    https://www.jihadwatch.org/2017/05/salman-abedi-called-teacher-islamophobic-for-condemning-jihad-suicide-bombings

    ***
    TWISTED LOGIC Salman Abedi reported teacher at his secondary school for being an Islamophobe because he condemned suicide bombers”, by Tom Michael, The Sun, May 26, 2017:

    Abedi was part of an Arabic-speaking “clique” during his time at the school, The Times reports.

    He is believed to have been part of a group of teens that became upset when one of their teachers brought up the topic of suicide attacks.

    The teacher “asked what they thought of someone who would strap on a bomb and blow people up”, according to a source quoted by the paper.

    The source said the boys then went to their RE teacher and lodged a complaint, telling them it was “Islamophobic”.

    The source added: “[Abedi] was a silly boy, not very serious. He was not smart enough to be a mastermind of anything like that.”

    A spokesperson for Burnage Academy said yesterday: “We feel the pain that Manchester feels. We stand shoulder to shoulder with our fellow Mancunians against terrorism in all forms.”

    Pals of the evil killer yesterday revealed his wild youth of booze and drug-taking – and how he was nicknamed “Dumbo” because of his big ears.
    ***

    1. Hyperion

      The teacher “asked what they thought of someone who would strap on a bomb and blow people up”, according to a source quoted by the paper.

      I think you’d have a fairly hard time finding a prog who wouldn’t agree that the teacher was being Islamaphobic.

    2. AlmightyJB

      “part of a group of teens”

      Anyone looking at them?

      1. Suthenboy

        Likely actively covering for them.

    3. Rhywun

      The source said the boys then went to their RE teacher and lodged a complaint, telling them it was “Islamophobic”.

      Now why would they jump to that conclusion?

  43. Q Continuum
    1. Hyperion

      Manuel Banuelos-Alcala, a 47-year-old Beaverton man, was arrested in the parking lot of a Safeway store on Southwest Barbur Boulevard on suspicion of third-degree sex abuse

      Well, it wasn’t Steve Smith this time. Hey, is there any way we can trick Steve Smith into taking a liking to journalists?

      1. Hammercorps

        STEVE SMITH TRY FOR BRIAN WILLIAMS ONCE, BUT WAR HEROES OFF LIMITS.

  44. Zero Sum Game

    82-Year-Old Shoots Home Invader in Butt Ending Father-Son Crime Spree

    This story has everything. It deserves its own country-western ballad.

    Vladimir Sanchez: The Florida Man Whose Son Got Shot in the Buttocks by an Octogenarian While Running from the Law.

    1. Rhywun

      His 16-year-old son allegedly stole his mother’s car and took it to pick up his father from prison.

      Perfect.

      1. Zero Sum Game

        It really is the most “Florida” story ever told.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Vladimir Sanchez?

      The Russkies and the Mexicans are gangin’ up!

  45. RegicidalManiac

    Here’s something that’s not complete derp from USA Today, in a surprising turn of events:

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/05/26/what-shooting-with-nra-revealed-about-silencers/102160750/

    Turns out that Hollywood is wrong, and silencers (legally, that is what they’re called, since that’s what Hiram Maxim called them) don’t actually make guns silent. What they actually do is make them slightly less incredibly loud, something reporters would know already if they did even the barest shred of research before writing articles about guns.

    Good thing we have the NRA around to correct these idiotic misconceptions, even if the reporters did manage to work in some utter drivel from an ATF agent and some pig ignorant anti-gun “senior policy advisor”.

    1. Zero Sum Game

      “before asking his loaded question”

      Newsie puns worst puns. Swissy gonna get an eye injury again.

      1. RegicidalManiac

        I can’t tell if that was a deliberate pun or just the writer trying to hedge his story. I don’t have a lot of faith in the capabilities of mainstream reporters.

        1. Zero Sum Game

          It’s in the first paragraph. Newsie puns always are.

  46. Hyperion

    OMG! Melania has been seen… now wait for this… holding Donald’s hand! Rev up the outrage machine!

    I WANT OUTRAGE!

    Leftists shit pants in 5…4…3…

    Yeah, I know, it’s a tabloid, they’re supposed to act like that, but it’s still funny.

    Seriously, aren’t the left running out of underwear?

    1. Suthenboy

      Weren’t they flapping their gums about her slapping his hand away yesterday trying to stir up outrage about that?

      I cant keep up.

      1. Hyperion

        Yeah, that is like so last week. The week before that was that Melania secretly hates Trump. I can’t even remember how many times my wife has playfully slapped my hand away like that, or maybe she was actually pissed at me and did it. Women acting like women, fire up the outrage!

    1. Rhywun

      Awesome. Now please don’t fold. Let the others destroy their economies.

      1. Hyperion

        No kidding, all this is about is them trying to transfer US wealth to their own personal bank accounts. The German’s are busy right now trying to destroy their own culture and their world class automobile industry. Some US $$$ might keep them afloat for a little while longer so that they can continue with their socialism and multiculturalism experiments.

    2. Suthenboy

      “Merkel Furious With Trump After “Unprecedented” G-7 Failure To Reach Consensus On Climate Change”

      Translation: Merkel Angry Donald Trump Wont Do As He Is Told.

      I think we all know what ‘reach consensus’ means. Tell ya’ what bitch, if you want consensus then come on over to the good side.