In this week’s thrilling installment, we go to the underside of the planet to learn about Australian Rules Football … or “Life isn’t dangerous enough here, let us create our own sport that contains high exertion, possible mayhem and most likely some harm!”
By BP (w/assist by Raven Nation)
Aussie Rules! Football down under.
Those of us USA Gen Xers who grew up when ESPN first came on the air in the early 1980’s were greeted by a new sport: Australian Rules Football. (We can assume Ozzies and Kiwis were already well familiar) Desperate to have something to fill airtime, ESPN made a deal with the AFL, (and possibly Kerry Packer) to put Ozzie footy on US TV. While it has some superficial similarities to rugby, it’s a quite different sport.
The basic rules are to carry the ball down the pitch (either bouncing it every ten meters while running, or passing it by kicking or ‘hand punch’ until a player of the same team gets near to the 4 goalposts. An opposing player can tackle him, or (better for them) intercept a handball or kick. Any kick over 15m that is caught by a member of the same team is called a “mark,” and the player can either play on, or take a free kick from (typically) about 5m behind the place of the mark. This is very important when it comes to marks caught within 40m or so of the goalposts, as they can then usually aim for a goal.
Regarding the goalposts, the middle two are the ones to aim for: a goal between then gains 6 points. On either side, a mis-fired attempt (called a “behind”), gets only one. (see graphic) You can see this in the scores: i.e., ‘14.10.94’ is 14 goals= 84, 10 behinds= 10, and well, you can do the rest of the math yourself.
Raven Nation: For the goal to count 6 points, it has to leave the boot and travel between the goalposts without being touched by anyone else. And then, if the ball strikes one of the two goal posts, it counts as one point. If a kicked ball strikes one of behind posts without hitting the ground or being touched by another player it’s “out of bounds on the full” and is a free kick to the non-kicking team. If the ball strikes one of the behind posts in any other fashion, then it’s just out of bounds and results in a throw in.
Watch THIS for a rules explanation.
Here’s a diagram of (half of) an AFL field, which probably doubles as a cricket ground:
Here are a couple of links to watch for examples and amusement:
All sort of fun.
Hits.
Comments
137 responses to “Foreign Footy – The Underside of the World Football Edition”
I just want everyone to know that I did not break the website.
I think I did – I started getting thei weird error message when I tried to post a comment
Then thats all the site gave me.
Many appologies.
/not really my fault either.
Accident or CNN?
You decide.
It was the Russians!
I thought that other site finally got fed up with losing all their commentors and unleashed their squirrels on us. Hope nobody was hurt.
I assumed SF’s post got the site kicked off the intertubes.
We’re back? I was all scared and lonesome. 🙁
Wish I could watch Aussie Football. Loved it so much on ESPN in the 80s. Not sure where or if it’s on TV here now.
Same here. I watched it regularly when I was a kid. They showed games and highlight shows all weekend long. I used to know teams and players, know most of the rules, etc. Now, all I remember is the refs wearing those funny outfits.
Fox Sports 2 has it.
I must have flipped 56 keyboards during the 3 hours that Gilmore broke the site.
Why? What did those poor keyboards do to you?
Haven’t you ever been to a riot before?! *flips keyboard*
I thought it involved burning bottles to the face, improvised melee weapons, random looting and idle police. Oh, and burning trash cans and earplug ‘bullets’.
*flips keyboard*
Ewwwwwww
You think that’s bad? I tried to flip my keyboard but it wouldn’t move.
You were using One of these, weren’t you?
An admixture of Cheetos dust and Mountain Dew makes a most efficacious glue.
The only net positive out of Australia is their women. Sure, like every other form of life from that magnificent place, they’re trying to kill you. At least you’ll die happy.
Crocodile Dundee was cool. So was Men at Work.
Australian women’s accents are some of the hottest in the world, admittedly.
I prefer some English accents. The problem comes when you stop listening to the accent and start paying attention to what they are actually saying.
I’m thinkin’ Emma Watson ‘ere.
And here I though libertarians were good at computers and internet and shit. Sad.I blame the Jews, myself
So are you blaming yourself in addition to the jews or are you a jew who happens to blame the jews?
I may have phrased that wrong
Makes sense
Well, whatever the proximate cause, someone somewhere had changed the rights on some WordPress plugins (or had installed/updated new versions). I’ve come to a new appreciation for the sheer heroic bravery of people who have to dick around with production-state WordPress sites during real time.
It ain’t easy.
I swear, ours breaks every single time we do an update. It’s a real PITA.
According to the admins, the comments in the AM Links thread got too yokel-y for the server to handle. The AI just posted this gif over and over until the website crashed:
SP is asking you all to be more careful in the future.
And all the comments in question traced to Gilmore’s IP address.
Jus’ sayin’.
not surprised.
So Gilmore has been Tulpa this whole time?
IT WAS ME
AUSTINGLIBS. IT WAS ME ALL ALONG.THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AT REASON
Correct. You might not be able to post a comment at random times, an article might appear twice, and all the comments on a post might disappear, but the site was technically not down.
Define ‘down’.
I still get better performance off of this site, despite the fact it runs off of a bathroom server somewhere…
I’m just imagining that conversation.
“Hon, the website crashed.”
“What web–Glibs? Can’t it wait till I get home?”
“I mean, day posting is kinda our day…”
“Don’t any of you people work!?”
I just about to have a productive afternoon.
I *was* just
Hey I have almost completed rewriting the automated tests for out email microservice for the 3rd time today. Hopefully this time I’ve abstracted it enough that the damn developers cannot break my code by changing how the ms works and going forward I’ll just need to update data to match the changes
WHYCOME YOU SAY I TOO YOKEL?
am I doing that right?
MY GOD, MAN!
THIS IS NOT A GAME!
I figured just me alone put the yokelry on this site over the top.
You’re a good egg.
And recipes always pass the firewall.
I’ll have to work on that.
I have never been to Australia and such I do not believe it exists. Sounds made up really with their silly animals, and such.
OH YEAH, SAY THIS IS SILLY, MATE!
https://twitter.com/hunterschwarz/status/882363081115877376
The president just announced some big news. YUGE
I too am no fan of sharks. And that was a good, if obvious, comeback.
Shark cooks up well. I don’t get why the chinese go for the fins – those have the least flavor.
Bake and shark is one of Trinidad and Tobago’s national dishes, and it’s fucking delicious.
They don’t want the fins for the flavor, they want it for their boners. Because apparently hunting a species to extinction is totes cool when there are cheap little blue pills widely available or something.
Mmm, shark. With sweet potatoes. Mmm.
The problem I have with shark is that you have to kill them slow, bleed them out. At least with catfish I can smack ’em in the head with a hammer to make it quick.
Who takes the negative in that debate? Who really loves sharks?
Aquaman?
Discovery Channel, otherwise no one would ever watch them.
Every young boy on Earth
Young boys who have never watched Jaws
I love that movie. When I was young and full of piss and vinegar there was nothing I loved more than a good fight so the movie looked like fun to me. Now I am old and…well, it aint the same.
Surely there are young men out there who see Jaws and think “Fuck yeah. I want to do that”
Is that supposed to hurt him? I don’t understand what these people expect to get by dredging up these old tweets.
Does that answer your question?
Is there some particular reason media types under 30 have to connect every fucking thing to pop culture?
And why is everything at an intersection? Why can’t it be a roundabout?
It would be easier to navigate then.
roundabouts cause more problems.
Because the words will make you out ‘n’ out. And then you’ll go and spend the day your way ….
Duh. It’s all they have any actual experience in. It would be truly awful to be in a career where you NEVER knew what you were talking about.
These guys are the equivalent of the boring old fart at a posh party in an ascot and blazer who won’t shut the fuck up about the frog-eyed Sprite he bought at an auction and how much it cost him to get it running again.
Oh, CNN that explains it.
But, but, he called someone a Moron back in 2013! The horror1
It’s funny
The idea of Trump just sitting in some office and then suddenly thinking “you know what? Fuck sharks.” is actually pretty funny.
Last tweet in that screenshot was 7:57am. It sounds more like he woke up and thought “fuck sharks”.
Perhaps he had a bad dream about them.
Question is, who planted that seed in his head – the Hat or the Hair?
The hair obviously, the hat wasn’t even a glimmer in the eye of the Vietnamese orphan who made it back then.
Exactly. It took a Canadian to understand this humor?
Trump should give his Twitter account over to Nick Searcy to manage.
Also this.
Hunter Schwarz, CNN reporter. Yep, that seems about right.
What exactly is the purpose of this? Trump said something inane on Twitter?? HOLY SHIT, STOP THE PRESSES!! Who isn’t already aware that he does that?
Alright Trump, better step your game up.
phrasing!
Those terrorists are fond of asparagus…
I hope he gets hypervitaminosis A from doing so.
All is lost! Anarchy! I’m posting a link here because life has lost all semblance of structure and meaning.
Moar Sex ‘Bots.
http://www.newsweek.com/sex-robots-ai-sextech-631882
Related: What the hell is the deal with puritans that want to outlaw child sex robots? You’d think people would *want* pedos to bang robots instead of looking for the real thing.
It’s the “gateway drug” theory.
That’s what we thought about anime, and look how that turned out!
The line must be drawn here etc.
This far! NO FURTHER!
Back in the days before ESPN filled up their schedule with unwatchable shit like talk-shows and soccer.
Everything was better in the 80’s.
eCommerce.
Everything was better in the 80’s.
Except beer.
And the internet.
And porn.
And medicine.
Well, yeah, other than beer, the internet, and porn … and medicine .. an eCommerce … I ask you – what has the last quarter-century done for us, eh?
women, music, fashion, video games, movies….. I’m sure I’m missing some.
80’s porn rocked!
It was a more naive, trusting time. Far less formulaic with plots than it seems nowadays, with a bit more variation in the ‘look’ of many of the performers.
Not that I would know, of course, but going on what some of my friends tell me.
Let’s play the guessing game “Stache or snatch?”
Beats the modern equivalent “Ingrown hair or herpes?”
Back in high school one of the English classes started a pen pal program with kids in Australia. There was a very memorable letter calling the American kids pussies because they wore pads and helmets to play football.
Paper letters?
Remember reading how Abraham Lincoln debated Stephen Douglas? And even though Lincoln didn’t win the Senate race, he became famous as a great orator. Which helped him to become President, and end slavery — forever changing the course of our great nation.
Well, this shit is the exact opposite:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/chelsea-handler-to-debate-tomi-lahren-live-at-politicon
who and who?
Obnoxious Democratic spawn vs. Obnoxious Republican Cunt, who will win?
I don’t know but I’d better stock up on popcorn.
Not us, thats certain.
Every time I see that name I keep thinking it’s a title at the Clinton Foundation.
Paging Mike Rowe…
It isa title at the Clinton Foundation. The last time I was cooking for my son and daughter-in-law they said something about Chelsea and I mentioned offhand “You know, her parents hired someone to follow her around to keep her from eating paint chips” and my son literally blew his beer out of his nose.
That debate will be so stupid and so riddled with straw men that CNN will cover it verbatim
You could probably just have two tape players, one constantly saying “PRIVILEGE” and the other saying “SNOWFLAKE” over each other to get the same effect.
Woohoo, catfight!
The one with the dead eyes is…..wait who?
Only if the debate switches from CNN to Hustler. Because screw it, would one and probably drunk would the other.
Twitter comes together to create the stuff of nightmares.
How can someone be such a suck up and not want to kill themselves?
I assume he’s trolling… for his sake anyway.
I think he was a troll, but it’s Twitter, so who knows.
Ahahaha, that’s so retarded it becomes awesome!
I mean, the very idea of PM Zoolander bossing three grandmas around – glorious!
Antifa Venezuela
http://hotair.com/archives/2017/07/05/pro-government-thugs-storm-venezuelas-national-assembly-beat-lawmakers/
Wondering how long it’ll be before the Opposition hits back.
They’ll have to be careful.
It’s tough to run a revolution when you’re all on an extreme calorie-controlled diet. Affects your aim and your reflexes.
It’s also very hard to shoot people when you have no guns.
Like I’ve said before, a few dumptrucks full ok loaded AKs in strategic locations would sort this shit out right quick and in a hurry.
Comrade Chavez (PBUH) was way ahead of you.
Isn’t that only one of a dozen or so paramilitary/fascist movements Chavez/Maduro started? I feel like at any given time they’ve got multiple groups of thugs running around inflicting violence with no consequences.
OT: I have my regular YouTube account on my laptop, but I recently installed YouTube to my PS3. After farting around with some older videos I liked just to get a feel for how it worked, I decided to create an account for the PS3 YouTube. Before I created the account, I established a brief history in viewing those old videos – content by deplorables/shitlords/garbage humans: shoe0nhead, Sargon, Roaming Millennial, Lauren Southern, etc. When I created the account, not only was that history wiped clean, none of those people were populating my “Recommended” section. Not a single one of them.
Needless to say, my response was sub to virtually every creator that sits to the right of zero. As well as Dave Rubin and Sargon. If they try any future shenanigans, I WILL sub to Alex Jones.
(Psst, Mr. of Akkad is a leftiy who’s pro-NHS… by his own admission.)
He’s still a garbage human. Dave Rubin’s pro-public healthcare too.
I’m just saying if you’re going to classify people, be accurate about it.
Like I said: everyone to the right of zero 4s well as Rubin and Sargon.
*(as well as, not 4s well as)
I’m sorry, I read that as you putting the zero to the left of those two.
I singled them out because they don’t seem to be liked in the prog corners of YT.
I keep getting suggestions in my feed for someone named ‘ShawnandJen’ or something that seems to have a major issue with Sargon. I clicked one awhile back and both the video and the comments come of like a Two Minutes of Hate, just tons of “durr hurr Sargon dumb, me smart” kind of commentary.
IT’S GOING TO TURN THE FRIGGIN’ FROGS GAY!!
When GlibTube becomes a thing, I’d like to submit my Alex Jones impression for any appropriate works. I think my Alex voice sounds pretty good.
When I created the account, not only was that history wiped clean,
Maybe because it wasn’t history for the account you just created?
I see what you’re saying, but I would think that a brand-new account would use the history on that same device as a starting point for recommendations.
Antifa Bronies:
https://twitter.com/Lauren_Southern/status/882683149251227649