Author: But I like cocktails bro

By But I like cocktails and lurking

If you have a house full of children or grandchildren and don’t have a lot of time, this should do the trick. My grandfather called this ‘cowboy stew.’

I have no idea why.

1 pound ground beef
1 12 oz bag of frozen chopped onion
1 tablespoon chopped garlic or 1 teaspoon powdered garlic
1 package of chili seasoning for 1 lb of beef
1 capfull of Zataran’s liquid crab boil
1 teaspoon ground cayenne (if you like hot)
1 beef boullion cube
1 -28oz can of chopped tomatoes
1 -10oz can of Rotel tomatoes
1 -15oz can of whole kernel corn
1-15oz can of seasoned black beans or ranch style chili beans (go with the black beans)

Corn chips
1 bag pre-grated cheddar or Mexican mix cheese

This is a very simple chili /not chili that you can toss together in a few minutes. The only real effort required is to brown the beef. If browning it in a skillet is troublesome to you, then get a microwave cooker/drainer for meat or just put it in a covered microwave-safe bowl in the microwave. If the beef is frozen, then 1 lb takes about 4 minutes on high. If not frozen, 2-3 minutes. If that doesn’t do it, repeat at 1 minute intervals until all of the pink is gone. Drain it, chop it in the bowl with a spoon, and mix in the chili seasoning.

Put the cooked, seasoned meat in a pot. Dump in all of the other ingredients willy-nilly. Turn heat up to medium high until the mix boils. Turn down to simmer and cover. Stir occasionally. When the onion is cooked to clear it is done. Start to finish this should take less than an hour.

Serve in a bowl over hand-crushed corn chips (I like restaurant style chips, some people prefer Fritoes). Top with grated cheddar or Mexican mix cheese. Don’t wear a sombrero when you cook or eat this. It is Tex-Mex, not Mexican. Cowboy boots are OK.

If you are slopping your young spawn with this leave out the cayenne. I don’t, but they love it anyway.

For all of you non-bean chili people there is no insult, nothing I can say, that will punish you as severely as a life without black beans in your chili.

By But I like cocktails and lurking

Sauces and stocks are the foundation of good cooking. For any quality construction a good, solid foundation is necessary. In French cooking there are five basic sauces and from those countless other sauces are made. They are called Mother Sauces. One of those is unique in that it is a stand-alone sauce. I am talking about Hollandaise sauce. It is considered the most difficult sauce to master, by far. It requires lots of practice, a double boiler, time, careful timing, and lots of attention.

Except it doesn’t.

You can easily whip up a perfect Hollandaise in under ten minutes with almost no equipment. Five if you are practiced.

Place one half of a stick of salted butter (4 tablespoons) in a 2-cup glass measuring cup. Put in the microwave and heat on high for 15 seconds. You should be able to see some of the butter has melted, usually leaving a hole in the base of the stick. If some of the butter is still cool place back in the microwave on high for five seconds. Continue doing this at 5 second intervals until the butter is about half melted and half soft-solid. Swish it around and mash it up a bit with a small whisk. If the bottom of the glass measuring cup feels warm – around body temperature or just above – you did it right. If it feels hot, even slightly, you have heated too much, in which case you can let it cool.

Place two raw egg yolks, one tablespoon of lemon juice, a pinch of cayenne pepper, and a pinch of allspice in with the butter. Whisk vigorously. After a few minutes the mixture should start to look a bit lumpy. Don’t worry. Ordinarily this would mean you have ‘broken’ the sauce, which means your butter was too hot and has cooked the egg yolk. If you heated the butter to body temp or just above, the mixture will look this way but will not be broken. Keep whisking. After a minute or two it will suddenly go from slightly lumpy to creamy smooth. It should cling generously to your whisk when you lift it.

Congratulations – you have made a perfect Hollandaise in less time than it takes to brush your teeth. It should have a very tangy, buttery, delightful taste. This will be enough sauce for four eggs. I start my eggs in a skillet, make the hollandaise and set it aside, and then start microwaving the bacon. I put the English muffins in the toaster, and go back to flip the eggs. It should all be ready about the same time with the sauce waiting – 15 minutes start to finish.

For a Sunday morning breakfast, spoon the hollandaise generously onto a toasted half of an English muffin. Place one fried (or poached) egg on top of that. Salt and pepper the egg. Serve with bacon or sausage and orange juice. You have whipped up a fancy Eggs Benedict breakfast for your significant other. I promise they will appreciate it.

*Hollandaise is an excellent sauce for putting on cooked vegetables, particularly for asparagus. Cook your asparagus in chicken stock until tender, top with the sauce and pepper to taste.

By But I like cocktails and lurking

I am not a big fan of beans, or at least I didn’t used to be. Then I discovered black beans. I never cook with any other bean. They are less grainy, more flavorful, and heartier than other beans. They just have more substance. They can make a stand alone meal, a side dish, or compliment any main dish. Let us explore the magic of this under appreciated hero of the bean world.

Black Bean Dip

1 15oz can of unseasoned black beans
3 strips of bacon microwaved just short of crispy (3 minutes on high then 30 second intervals until done)
1/3 sweet onion
2 chicken boullion cubes
½ teaspoon crushed garlic
½ teaspoon ground cayenne pepper

Pre-grated cheddar cheese
Fresh chopped tomato
Sliced pickled jalepeno

Put all ingredients into a blender or food processor. Blend on high until it has a smooth consistency. Use a silicone spatula or spoon to scrape into a small oven-safe dish. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes or until you see bubbling. It is essentially re-fried black beans made in ¼ the time.

Top with grated cheese, chopped tomato, chopped fresh red onion, and a few jalepeno slices. Dip with corn chips.

This is a recipe for two people. Double if you have more people. My wife and I will whip this up, usually on a Sunday evening, sit in front of the TV and watch a movie while we eat. It makes quite a satisfying meal.

Bean Dip As A Compliment

If I make a taco salad, enchiladas, tacos, nachos, or any similar dish, I use the black bean dip as a foundation for all of the other ingredients. I simply spoon it onto the shell/tortilla before putting the meat on. It is a wonderful complimentary flavor.

Black Bean Soup or Black Beans and Rice

Put all of the same ingredients into a pot. No processor this time. You can put one pork neck bone instead of the bacon if you like, otherwise slice the bacon into 1 inch sections and toss in raw. Chop the onions yourself. Toss a few slices of jalepeno in. Thin with 1-2 cups of water. Bring to a boil, turn down to simmer, and cover. When the meat comes off of the neckbone easily, it is done (about one hour). Pull the meat off of the bone with your fingers and put back in the pot. Toss the bone to the dog. Serve over rice. If you thinned it down with water to a soup, serve over rice in a bowl. If no rice, then with Ritz crackers or corn chips. If you left it thick enough, you can spoon over rice on a plate. This can also be served as a nice complimentary side dish to any non-soup main dish.

Very little effort and time is required for these recipes and the payoff is sweet.

By But I like cocktails and lurking

Not all roux’s are created equally. Despite the unique, delicious flavor of a flour/oil roux, it isn’t suitable for all dishes. You can make a roux from flour/butter and though the process is the same the resulting taste is quite different. A proper bisque requires a creamier base, usually seafood stock with milk or cream, and can require a fair amount of preparation. Since we are concerned with shortening time and effort, we will take a few shortcuts and still end up with a gourmet quality soup. It is a little more effort than the other recipes but well worth it. At least a dozen times every year people call me requesting that I prepare this.

12oz – 16oz frozen cooked and prepared seafood (crawfish is my favorite but shrimp or lobster is fine)
1 can of chipped crab meat (the cheap stuff, not the expensive lump meat)
2/3 stick of butter
½ of a medium sweet onion – chopped
¼ cup of white flour
1 pint of heavy whipping cream
1 to 1-1/2 quarts of whole milk
6 chicken boullion cubes
1 capfull of Zataran’s liquid crab boil
1 teaspoon of ground cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon of chopped garlic or 1 teaspoon of powdered garlic

Melt the butter in a stock pot over medium heat. Toss in the chopped onion and garlic, then stir. Make sure the onion/garlic is well coated in butter and stir occasionally until the onion starts to become clear.

Sprinkle the flour over the butter/onion with your hand. Swish around with your spoon until the flour is saturated with butter and evenly mixed in. Keep stirring and cooking until you see your butter going from yellow to a light tan. Don’t let the flour stick to the pot or darken too much. You have just made a blonde roux with onions and garlic.

Quickly pour in the pint of heavy whipping cream that you had open and sitting in easy reach. Swish around with a whisk and scrape the bottom of the pot until all of the roux is evenly mixed. Pour in your milk. Toss in the chicken boullion, cayenne, liquid crab boil, and the can of crab meat. Note that the crab meat has a small piece of paper in it. Don’t put the paper in your soup, but make sure you do put the liquid from the can in with the meat.

Stir this well and turn the heat up to medium high. Bring it to a boil and keep stirring constantly. After it begins to boil count slowly to 30 while you stir, making sure nothing sticks to the bottom of the pot, and watch carefully that the pot doesn’t boil over. If it appears that the pot may boil over simply remove from heat and turn heat down before putting the pot back on. After you have counted to 30 with the pot boiling, turn the heat down to simmer, and stir in your seafood meat. Make sure you put all of the liquid from the seafood in with the meat. The bisque should thicken as it cools.

If you want to fancy it up serve in a bowl and sprinkle with fresh chopped green onion or chives and some garlic bread. Otherwise just serve in a bowl.

*Some people like whole kernel corn in their seafood bisque. If you are one of those people, simply add a can of whole kernel corn after you have completed the process. If you want it creamier still or to add a slightly different flavor you can add in a half-cup of sour cream or cream cheese.

This is NOT a low carb dish but is so creamy and delicious that it will become a favorite. If you have all of your ingredients out and a relatively clean kitchen, a pot, knife, and whisk handy you can whip this up in under twenty minutes.