There’s an old joke about the world’s thinnest book: Great Jewish Athletes. To be fair, it’s actually the second thinnest, the thinnest being Jewish Physicists Before Einstein. In any case, since SP and I are both excited about the looming start of the new MLB season, I thought I’d kick off Jewsday Tuesday with an appreciation of the two greatest Jews to ever grace the roster of a major league baseball team. And I rate them both by their performance on the field and their delightfulness as human beings.
First, right handed pitcher Myron “Moe” Drabowsky. Moe was born in Poland, then escaped in 1938 as the Nazis were closing in (this is serious Jew-cred). His early MLB career was undistinguished, bouncing from team to team for seven years before landing at the Baltimore Orioles, just in time for the magic 1966 season. From the bullpen, he managed a 2.81 ERA, a 6-0 record, and 98 strikeouts in 96 innings pitched, a pretty impressive record. But that was nothing compared to what happened in the World Series. The Orioles were underdogs against the mighty Dodgers (this was the era of Don Drysdale, that other Jew pitcher Sandy Koufax, Maury Wills…), and started Dave McNally in Game 1. After the Orioles took a 4-1 lead, in the third inning, McNally loaded the bases with none out. Drabowsky came in, allowed only one run in that inning, and struck out 11 on his way to finishing the game with a save. At one point, he struck out six in a row.
Over the next two seasons, Moe’s ERA was under 2.00, and even after being snatched by the Royals in the expansion draft, his ERA hovered around a respectable 3.00 for the next couple of years.
OK, the dude could pitch. But that wasn’t really why he was the greatest Jewish ballplayer ever. The real reason was the hotfoot. Yes, that old gag where a flammable object (usually a matchstick) in inserted into the victim’s shoe, then set alight. When it burns down…. OUCH. Moe was the undisputed king of the hotfoot, and took every opportunity to torture any reporter or team-mate who wasn’t paying close attention to his feet. He reputedly gave hundreds of hotfoots (hotfeet?) over the course of his career. No word on whether he recited the traditional “vitzivanu l’hadlik ner” prayer. In a Baltimore Sun interview, Moe recalled, “I’d go to some discomfort to satisfy a practical joke. In Detroit, before a game, I crawled under a tarp behind the bench in the Tigers bullpen, through ants and maggots, and waited until the guys stood up for the national anthem. Then I slid my hand out, lit several matches and waited for the screams.” The pinnacle of his achievements in this domain was successfully igniting the feet of then-Commissioner Bowie Kuhn.
His oeuvre was not limited to pedal pyrolysis- he also had a fondness for unexpected snakes, using them mercilessly on snake-fearful team-mates like Charlie Lau and Luis Aparicio. The former was an elaborate prank; “Once, while Charlie was asleep in a golf cart [in the bullpen], I got this one-half-inch pipe, 20 feet long, and draped one end of it over his left shoulder,” Drabowsky once told Baltimore Sun. “In the other end, I placed a 3-foot brown snake. Five minutes later, the snake pops out the other end of the pipe just as Charlie was waking up. He went ballistic with both arms and legs moving at the same time.” His best known prank, though, was calling the bullpen phone, imitating Earl Weaver, and getting relief pitchers warming up. Weaver couldn’t figure out why this was happening, called the bullpen, and yelled, “What the FUCK are you doing, sit them down!” After a few minutes, Moe called the bullpen again, imitated Weaver, and… well, you know.
Moe was a treasure and a credit to the Jewish people.
John Lowenstein was born in 1947 in Wolf Point, MT, a difficult time and place to be a Jewish child. He played for the Orioles some years later in an odd and interesting role: platoon left fielder. Weaver skillfully alternated him with Gary Roenicke in left field, so that the combined left fielder had 37 homers and a .290 batting average (Lowenstein’s contribution was hitting .320). He was a decent fielder, fine hitter, and always useful in clutch situations; memorably, in Game 1 of the 1979 playoffs, he belted a walk-off home run in the 10th inning against the Angels. He also had a marvelous mustache, possibly inspiring John Stossel.
Fittingly, Lowenstein was also a delightful flake and jokester. He practiced his swing by destroying birthday cakes with his bat, using a fungo technique. He was popular with the press, always being a great source of quotes. “Sure I screwed up that sacrifice bunt, but look at it this way. I’m a better bunter than a billion Chinese.”
Because of his use in a platoon, he never got the accolades or attention that full time players did. Nonetheless, a Jewish ballplayer is rare enough that the Baltimore Jewish Times interviewed him about his history. He talked about going to Hebrew school, his devotion early on, his admiration for his rabbi, and the pride he took in his Bar Mitzvah. The Jewish Times was delighted and ran the interview as a feature.
When there’s Lowenstein, there’s a punchline: he actually wasn’t Jewish. He was so amused by the presumption, he improvised the entire story on the spot.
And now you know. The rest. Of the story.
