You’ve all undoubtedly heard the numerous accusations made by the female members of the staff here regarding my workplace behavior. As a person who was born in an era before women were “people,” my actions do not align with my values, nor represent who I am as a person. At the time I believed that my sociopathic manipulation of the women was consensual, but I was intoxicated at the time, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. I’m not saying the victim is a “liar,” I’m just saying “she’s not telling the truth about the thing that happened because maybe it didn’t even happen.”
In conclusion, I will do my best to learn from this situation, without reading anything or listening to anyone’s perspective other than my own. I will get the help I so desperately need because this isn’t actually my fault, I have a problem, so I’m not responsible for my actions. This is a disease and needs to be treated as such.
So that said, here’s the links we all so desperately crave.
He tried to say that things like being groped on the butt wasn’t as bad as rape and that the behavior shouldn’t be lumped together.
“I do believe that there’s a spectrum of behavior,” he told Travers. “And we’re going to have to figure — you know, there’s a difference between, you know, patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation, right? Both of those behaviors need to be confronted and eradicated without question, but they shouldn’t be conflated, right?” Umm, WRONG! Thank goodness there are people like Alyssa to help point that out.
Crazy talk! Outrageous! And now, in my hour of humiliation, I finally understand why.
The world of sports is not immune, either. Sadly, the article doesn’t give the important details and you will search in vain for phrases like “throbbing veiny cock” or “creamy luscious breasts.” I mourn the death of thorough reporting and real analytical journalism.
Yar Renhcahcs · Wutsamatta U
YOU SHIT HEAD THATS NOT RELIGUS LIBERTY THATS DISCIMANATION WHT THE FUCK WOULD THE PRESIDENT SUPPORT ANY HATE GROUP INCLUDING RELIGOUS ONES. FUCK YOU FUCK TRUMP FUCK THE PEOPLE WHO THINK THERE BETTERT HAN EVERYONE ELSE. I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU YOUR SHIT STINKS AS BAD AS EVERYONE ELSES
OK, fess up- which of you wrote that?
And another round of Old Guy Music for y’all to ignore. Two of our favorite musicians covering a great Beatles tune.
Yes, it’s that time of year again, when Jews all over the world celebrate their most treasured and most holy days… well, not really, but I’ll Jewsplain.
First, the part everyone knows: this is supposedly the commemoration of the Maccabees doing something or other. But here’s the catch- Jews do not accept the books of the Maccabees as canonical and derive their understanding of Chanukkah and the Maccabees from the Talmud. The usual reason given is that the Macs came along too late, the canon was completed. But it may be deeper than that, so let’s start with the familiar parts.
The whole megillah happened around 2200 years ago when I was just a wee yeled. The Middle East was a seething cauldron of petty rivalries, bloody wars, and conquests back and forth, unlike today’s quiet and civilized environment. The two major warring empires were the Ptolemies and the Seleucids, who were proxies for various swarthy European types. There were some Macedonians, Romans, and Persians in the mix as well. Like I said, it was a mess. And as usual, the Jews were right in the middle of the shit because of their geographic location and because Yahweh liked fucking with us.
If you read through the histories of that era, it’s a confusing mess because so many of the warring monarchs had the same name, with only nicknames and numbers allowing you to tell them apart. But the overwhelming cultural bit of this was the spread of Greek civilization, which brought things like rationality, philosophy, mathematics, and science to the gibbering tribal masses of Asia and Northern Africa. Unlike the tribal kingdoms, the Greeks were very big on universal culture and values, as well as a surprising tolerance for other ways of life- they basically were the first assimilationists, and in ways that would seem very familiar to Americans.
Now, the official story is that those awful Greeks, who at that point in history ruled over Palestine, had a culture that was so attractive that the Jews started assimilating, speaking Greek, adopting airs of tolerance, eating pork, wrestling naked, and wearing clip-on foreskins (that is not a joke, they really had them). This, of course, could not be tolerated by the Jews, goes the usual narrative. And then, in a total reversal of Greek policy, the latest tyrant, Antiochus IV (Epiphanes), was said to have outlawed Jewish religious practices and forced everyone who hadn’t adopted Greek culture and mores to do so by clipping on foreskins and chowing down on ham (anticipating the later American Jewish custom of eating pork by dismissing it as “Chinese food”). So after the usual litany of atrocities, which prominently featured defilement of the Temple in Jerusalem, they naturally rebelled. The Talmud gives its version of one of the atrocities, the story of Hannah and her sons. One at a time, Antiochus ordered each of Hannah’s sons to eat bacon, and each son in turn refused, shouted a slogan about their devotion to Yahweh, and was then killed for maintaining their religious righteousness. After watching each of her sons in turn being executed, Hannah threw herself off a building in a fit of grief and madness. An inspiring tale, nu?
The familiar tale continues with the great Judah Maccabee leading his ragtag band of righteous Jews into a successful rebellion against the heathen Greeks, driving them out of Palestine, then rededicating the Temple by the use of various priestly rituals. Note the last. The miracle of Chanukkah was the burning of a ritual lamp in the Temple for eight days while consuming only one day’s worth of oil, which is all they had in terms of ritually pure oil.
As a libertarian sort, I’ve learned to be a bit cynical and assume that any story like this glides past unsavory truths. I also assume that cupidity rules and is usually the driver of events. So, with that in mind…
At that time, there were multiple schisms among the Jews- the famous Life of Brian scene about the Judean People’s Front versus the People’s Front of Judea was not entirely a joke. Three of the major factions were the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the Hellenizers. The Pharisees and Sadducees fought over who really had control of Jewish law, with the Pharisees maintaining that the rabbis were really the ones to control things, the Sadducees insisting that it was the Temple priests, and the Hellenizers being the Reform Jews of their time, incorporating Greek practice and language into the Temple rituals and eschewing the fundamentalist interpretations of Jewish law (yes, this is an oversimplification, but the big picture always is).
Judah Maccabee was the son of Mattathias, who was a Temple priest and a fundamentalist. Within the priesthood, the Hellenizers and fundamentalists struggled, with the Hellenizers having won out. Their priest, Menelaus, deposed the fundamentalist priest, Jason, by paying off Antiochus. This was a good investment since this gave Menelaus control of the Temple treasures and receipts. Mattathias, being a fundy allied with Jason, was clearly a loser here. In his view, anyone not following the religion in the way his faction thought proper should be executed, and they certainly did their share of killing. And indeed, one of the outcomes of the rebellion was the execution of Jason as a heretic and traitor to the One True Faith.
So a cynical person might look at this as less of a rebellion against Antiochus, but more of an internal struggle between factions fighting for power and treasure. The winners write history, so the fact that the Greeks mostly didn’t interfere with religious practice before or after the Maccabean rebellion but somehow Antiochus was the exception and tried to wipe out Judaism could possibly be… well you know what self-serving storytellers and drama queens those Middle East folk can be. The cynic might look at historic parallels and see the Maccabees as akin to the modern Taliban, fighting against the encroachment of civilization (literal, in this case) in favor of a strict and violent fundamentalism that just coincidentally put them in power. And that’s what we celebrate for Chanukkah.
Fun fact: the Hebrew word for a Jew who has given up strict religious practice is “apikoros,” which derives from the Greek “Epicure.”
One more cynical observation: why the books of the Maccabees are not canonical among the Jews despite lots of slaughter and a Yahweh miracle. Although the usual excuse is timing, someone miiiiight notice that the decisions about canonicity and religious practice were made by the faction which survived and ended up controlling Judaism: the Pharisees, bitter foes of the Sadducees, the latter of whom the Maccabees, as priests who got their share of Temple treasure and tribute, were aligned. But that would be overly cynical, right?
Fun fact: Judah Maccabee was the first Jew to make contact with the Romans, seeking assistance in his fight against the Greeks. As readers of Matthew will note, this did not end well for the Mac family.
Fun fact: although potato latkes seem like the canonical Chanukkah food in the US and Europe, in Israel they’re almost unknown. The treat of choice is… jelly donuts. And why is that? Because the bakers in Israel have traditionally been part of state-sponsored trade unions. And although latkes are easy to make at home and best served fresh, donuts are more difficult and are much easier to pick up at a (union) bakery. Just look for the union filling.
And speaking of latkes, here’s the way to do it right.
We have received complaints that this website is being read by some Canadians and thus we are required to provide some broken French rendered in a horrible accent. Likewise, I am compelled to make French toast this morning. And I’ll tell you that when it’s doused in Cognac, that’s a fine start to the day. A Midwestern take on poutine involved Tater Tots and Wisconsin cheese curds. And I’m playing some Leonard Cohen tunes. So I think we’ve managed to clear the de minimus requirements. With that out of the way, let’s look at the non-Canadian news this morning.
This was a difficult situation. Dishonest attention-whore race-baiters civil rights leaders were all prepared to demonstrate against Trump for not being sufficiently attentive to the opening of the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum. But when he came and gave a speech, all of the signs and slogans had to be changed at the last minute from “Impeach Trump” to… “Impeach Trump.”
Amos C. Brown, a civil rights activist who at 14 years old founded the NAACP’s first youth council, also boycotted Trump’s visit.
“I’m very uncomfortable with his antics and policies on matters of race and justice,” Brown said. “And that’s why people felt, as I do, that his presence cheapened the occasion. It was a mockery for him to be present. He has not been involved at all in the struggle.”
As opposed to his predecessor, who struggled being raised in a white millionaire household and attending the most exclusive private prep school in Hawaii before struggling at the most expensive and exclusive Ivy League universities.
Jerry Brown is being Jerry Brown. Wildfires in California is “the new normal.” Because they’ve never had them before and it’s shocking that the desert is dry. Say… didn’t they just have floods? And snowflakes as well:
At UC Santa Barbara, smoke from the Thomas fire drove Student Body President Hieu Le to write a letter to Chancellor Henry Yang, asking that classes be canceled until the air quality improves.
Lee has received more than 4,000 petition signatures since Thursday, backing him up. Many students wrote that their throats hurt and that they were having trouble breathing and focusing.
“Students and staff should not have to choose between their health and money and/or grades,” one student wrote. “The response from the university has been unacceptable.”
SP fondly remembers her first ride in my van, when I told her we were looking for my lost puppy and gave her some Reese’s. Well, it’s now time for an upgrade.
Obligatory Old Guy music. We were at a terrific concert last night up in Milwaukee. Given the demographic, the mosh pit was a hoot, what with all the walkers, Rascals, oxygen tanks, and flailing canes. Never mind, here’s a delightful piece from one of my favorite Austin bands, whose members are decidedly not old.
I got my 8 Hour Pin from AA, which I feel is a major accomplishment. I think I’ll have some Irish coffee to celebrate. While I mix that up, here’s some fun news stories for you kind folks to discuss.
Speaking of the Supreme Court, this was an unsurprising decision. Shocking, I know- if a president unilaterally creates an agency or program without legislative support, then his successor can just as unilaterally terminate it. But… but… every goodthinker knows that it shouldn’t be true when it’s Lightbringer programs being ended by the Orange Menace. It’s no secret that I am not a fan of Trump, but his continual unraveling of Obama’s “legacy” is certainly a point in his favor. And I say that as someone who very much supports a much broader allowance of immigration- it’s not the outcome that I like, it’s the exposure of the inherently corrupt legislation by the executive absent congressional action. You want a program that isn’t temporary? Great, get congress to legislate it. We have a constitution, in theory.
Rioting broke out in some 30 locations in the Palestinian territories, according to the military, which said 3,000 Palestinians participated in the West Bank. As night fell, the demonstrations had mostly dispersed.
…In Jerusalem, demonstrations were limited in scope and dissipated quickly, and some Palestinian residents expressed resignation, along with contempt, about the U.S. move.
I may have found the most hilariously stupid news story of the year. Look at it. Admire it. To quote SugarFree, “Holy fucking shit, that was like being riddled with dumb-bullets.” I’m not sure how you can sexually harass an inanimate object, but coming up next, an essay on how to get consent from your vibrator.
The Pope second-guesses Jesus. Like a presidential spokeschimp, Frankie went full-on “What Our Savior meant to say was…”
Old Guy Music time! Since we’re going to a show tonight, I was tempted to post a song from the fellow we’re seeing, but I thought, “After all this depressing news, we need something which will make people want to boogie! Even UCS!” My love of American music forms is obvious, but there’s a few I’ve neglected, and certainly Zydeco is one of them. Now, Queen Ida is more of crossover Zydeco, but still, fun fun fun. And here’s her cover of great classic song, “Jambalaya.” If this doesn’t make you want to stand up and dance, you’re dead inside.
And Dawn had better get here with that crack pretty shortly, these kids are getting impatient.
Remember yesterday, when the coyote (WaPo) finally had that pesky Roadrunner (Hat ‘n’ Hair) dead to rights and the Trump presidency was really, truly over, then it wasn’t? I posted the “oops” tweet, but here’s the recoil. And hilariously, this isn’t even the first major fuckup from that “reporter.” Why does he even still have a job? Anyway, well, today, they REALLY TRULY have that damn Roadrunner. THIS TIME FOR SURE! I mean, they even went to the trouble of having an analysis from a former Obama official, and you can’t get more definitive and objective than that! Man, at this rate, there’s going to be a national popcorn shortage.
And the soi-disant “tax reform bill” continues to be nailing Jello to the wall. Team Red, you had one job, and what you give us is a dog’s breakfast. Anyway, the story is the usual conflation of “tax rate cuts” with “tax cuts,” as well as “tax rate increase” with “tax increase.” That’s just plain sloppy thinking, and though I expect it from economically illiterate reporters and political hacks, I know that OUR commentariat knows the difference. Right? The bill ends us up with a tax code just as complex, vague, arbitrary, and incomprehensible as the one it replaces, just with some pieces moved around. Well done, Team Red. How about the OMWC plan: Fuck you, cut spending. Tax form to 1/2 a page maximum and taking far, far less money, and only for functions constitutionally delegated to the federal government. And then I woke up from that lovely dream…
Here’s the appropriate aria: another (((one))) bites the dust. If anyone ever gets a hint of the extraordinary amount of vagina plowed by Mike Rowe in his opera days, we’ll lose a real icon. Or maybe not, since he has the… fortitude to tell everyone to fuck off and not play the faux-apology-grovel game.
OK, Old Guy Music, this time from one of the greatest ensembles ever on one stage, all Mingus alumni back for a reunion. I make no secret of my idolization of Roland Kirk, and he sure delivers here, blowing away every other sax player on that stage- and those are some insanely great sax players. I particularly liked his parody of George Adams’s outside playing, which he casually slips into at a pace triple that of Adams’s. It’s a long jam, but every minute packs a punch.
After the last couple of weeks at work, sometimes I wonder about the wisdom of my career choices. But I never wonder about YOU, our loyal and highly perverted crew. So that’s what drives me to get up before the crack of dawn on weekends and compile stories that I hope will stimulate, titillate, asseverate, and infuriate, accompanied by Borscht Belt-style one-liner.
And we have a decent crop to work with today.
Every day, I read the latest story about how THIS TIME, this is the end of the Trump administration. Yeah, yeah, we said the same thing yesterday, but THIS TIME is the real one where he has to vacate the White House and somehow turn it over to Clinton or something. Well, THIS TIME is the thing that will do it– when towering and respected intellects of this order speak, the revolution is certainly here.
If you needed proof of the antisemitism that permeates the White House, look no further. I’m sure they’re already building the ovens.
“I give all the credit to my old friend vodka,” Bowen said.
I would also likely do this if somehow I were ever actually allowed to be on a jury.
Berman noted that the juror said during the jury selection process prior to the start of opening statements this week that in his spare time he likes to sleep.
OK, that was the sugar, now the medicine: Old Guy Music! I make no secret about my deep admiration for Peter Green, the (((guy))) who was the core of Fleetwood Mac when they were still good. And I love Leo Kottke. Kottke’s collaborations with Mike Gordon from Phish are the reasons that bongs were invented. Now let’s put it all together!
This is a Very Special Sunday. The one where SP and I won’t fight over which channel the TV is on, the one with the Ravens or the one with the Packers. True, we were in that situation last weekend as well, but THIS weekend, she’ll see me rooting for the Packers. That’s because I’m a wonderful, caring, supportive, and comforting husband. The fact that the Pack is playing the Steelers is of course totally irrelevant.
The tard running the French government cares deeply about women. So deeply that he’s taking steps to curb civil liberties to protect les jolie femmes. Always nice when you can find an excuse to follow your authoritarian inclinations. Of course, you have to read to the end of the article to find the gem:
Mr. Macron said the powers of France’s television and radio watchdog would be extended to cover video games and online content as way to push back against pornography and content that promotes violence against women.
Thanksgiving weekend keeps our congresschimps and other elected officials busy so they have no time to say and do vastly stupid things. But fear not, they’ll start back in shortly.
Wait, I spoke too soon. The idiocy spewing from the mouth and thumbs of our beloved president never rests. I have to give him this: he really is a true politician, he’s mastered the art of lying in a way that few other politicians can match. Lie about big things, lie about inconsequential things. I suppose the latter is what keeps him in practice for the former- or provides a useful distraction.
Then again, Hillary just won’t go away. In her bid to become The Most Tiresome Loser Ever, she has weighed in with her opinions on technology. Never mind that she knows absolutely nothing about it, she has Deep Thoughts.
Old Guy Music time! After posting the Gentle Giant video that not one of you fuckers seemed to notice (this is the greatest forgotten band of all time), I’m doubling down now and posting a video of a Swedish school band covering a Gentle Giant song. Which takes courage, since the music is difficult and complex. They slowed it down and simplified it a bit, but the essence is still there- this is the kind of thing which gives me hope for the future.
Sloopy’s contribution to the links below:
Fuck ❌ichigan
Sorry if that offends, but it needed to be said. Game time just four hours away.
Hopefully, sloopy actually READS his PMs and knows to sleep in today. Then again, that may be hopeless with a house full of kids. SP is sleeping off our massive consumption last night, and I’m dealing with work crises. It’s a great day, and the only thing which will make it greater is… links.
So here you are, a caring mother whose kid is getting bullied at school. No-one in the CYA administration will do a thing about it unless you’ve got hard evidence so they can avoid any potential lawsuit or social media hoo-hah. You get hard evidence. Then they have you arrested. This is your government at work.
Now, obligatory Old Guy Music, in this case one of the best of the prog-rock bands of yesteryear, and almost forgotten today. Their music went over many folks’ heads, but you can sure hear their influence on bands like Queen, Tool, and… well, anyone who did prog rock. You gotta love a band who called Black Sabbath fans “…a bunch of fucking cunts.”
