Category: Children

  • Minimum Wage and the Youths

    Alright, here’s what’s gonna happen, I’m gonna start out with a story from my job, talk about minimum wage and why kids don’t work today, then end with a gripe.

    Foreseeable consequences are not unintended.

    So I was busing tables for my $1.50 an hour, you know just watering and cutting bread, when this kid, and when I say kid, I mean a guy who was 23 and had never had a job, who was simultaneously well groomed and unkempt walks in. I thought to myself, “Oh God, fine I’ll water you and cut, whatever.” So I continue on and water him and all that. He was rude to me and the server who I’m friends with so I didn’t like this kid, but fine again, whatever. So as the night picked up, I passed by his table a few times until eventually he drops this line on his parents, “As long as we have a middle class in america we can’t have equality.” Now I had to water and cut bread so I didn’t hear more. But this made me so angry that it almost ruined my night, a night which already had a lot going wrong recently.

    Alright, story time’s over, now it’s time to talk about the minimum wage. Now this is already a loaded topic so I’m not going to step into what is so intricate about it, but instead I’ll cut right to the meat of my argument. It’s not the only reason why kids can’t get jobs now. Much of the refusal to hire kids is due to the following two reasons:

    1. Kids are now less willing to work and are thus less reliable workers who employers are willing to hire
    2. And kids provide a whole slew of issues, to the point where even if they are willing to work, they are not allowed to work in certain places

    But let’s break both of these down. Amongst kids there is a lot of pressure to not only socialize, but also to play structured sports, to the point where they have no time to spare between homework and extracurriculars. The extracurriculars are mostly used by parents earlier in the kid’s life to signal their wealth. These extracurriculars tend to then continue later into the kid’s life until we have the current situation. But what about the liability issues? Well, they primarily start around the following two laws “kids under 16 may not work with food” and “kids under 16 may not handle cash.” I don’t know if these are federal or state, but it meant that until I was 16 I couldn’t get an actual job. There are also safety issues which mean that kids can’t be involved with heavier labor like landscaping unless they get expensive medical testing. This renders most jobs unavailable for kids.

    Now onto the gripe. I don’t earn $1.50 an hour on my actual paycheck, instead it’s $5.50 an hour plus tips. But the payroll tax is so utterly fucked, to the point where out of every $5.50 I never see $4. That’s $4 which goes to the fedgov and not me. Fuck payroll and income taxes together. Anyway, y’all let me know if you have any stories of your own.

  • Halloween at Yusef’s!

    I grew up knowing that Halloween means trick or treating, usually going from house to house collecting candy, dressed in some sort of costume. Sometimes the school would have a parade where you could flaunt your silly costumes, but whatever, it was fun.

    When I grew older and had kids of my own, I noticed people dropping their kids off in my neighborhood. Odd, I thought, until I realized: they have no trick or treating, no candy, nothing where they live for whatever reason, and that must suck.

    I gave up on whether the kids are local and just focused on the fun.

    To my Wendy and I, Halloween is a favorite holiday.

    And it just keeps getting bigger and better for us. Wendy is worried about sound, but I have actually done checks and where she wants to be, giving out the candy, we are fine. I learned little kids get startled and scared so we play very low and spooky, and they dig it.

    “I think we should call it your grave!”

    I built a graveyard and set up strobe lights and some green, purple, and orange lights on the ground for effect. Then I run a sub-cooled fog machine across the graveyard, which looks uber cool as long as the wind doesn’t get too crazy.

    Going with live scary music with my guitar player on Morlock/Borg guitar.

    Massive disco lights and two fog machines. I need to notify the Fire department before I do it.  (Ask me how I know.) This year will be the best ever.

    Too many folks forget the fun, focusing on politics, scary things, and Democrats. My kids had a great time trick or treating, but it seems to a fading tradition.

    So take those kids where the candy is and have a killer Halloween!

    I am the Time Traveler.

    Fuck you John Titor*

    *optional

     

     

  • A charlatan, a Bagdhad Battery and a six year old pixie

    While I was at work, I was given a menial task requiring that I extract medical documentation for an audit. Given the mindless nature I decided I needed some background noise and I wasn’t really up for music at that point in the day so I pulled up YouTube and came across this video from Stefan Molyneux titled, “Why I was wrong about Libertarians.”

    Yeah, I know. So here’s where I engage a bit in a little virtue signaling over Molyneux. He is basically a personified version of Mike Hihn. No, I am not saying he is a 68 year old shell of a person, waiting for a male nurse to change his diaper while still living in his mother’s basement. What I am saying are his arguments and his approach to principle requires such rigid adherence, it is nearly impossible to apply it in the real world. Nobody can realistically live to such a standard. That said, many of his arguments are very well researched and he does put a lot of effort in building the logical framework to support his conclusions.

    I should warn you, it’s mostly him staring into the camera 12 inches from his face in his steely-eyed, condescending, bald white guy with an accent, shtick. Watch the video, (or don’t) but fair warning: it’s almost an hour long.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZzeC06hVvA

    Since nobody clicks links around here, here’s the Cliff’s Note’s version: In general, we have so little influence over the culture that we seem to believe it, gives us a pass for not living up to principle. Actions speak louder than words, as they say. If we are to preach NAP, but don’t live it, nobody will take us seriously. I’m a Federal worker, so I am very much guilty of this myself. I won’t get mad if you call me a mexican slaver, it’s probably true. To his credit, he does give an example or two where we can make such a change.

    Specifically what hit me is around the 6:30 mark where he talks about spanking your children.

    Does spanking violate NAP? Molyneux seems to think so. I find this a bit problematic because I have spanked my children in the past, mostly because I was spanked as well. I approached libertarianism from the cultural right like many. Yes, like nearly all Hispanics (or whatever adjective you prefer), I am Catholic and that authoritarian “there are rules to life” attitude, coupled with a patriarchal culture, generally means corporeal punishment fell neatly into the child rearing toolbox. Plus, since I was often around 18-19 year olds in the Air Force and working on high voltage power lines, it was a handy tool as an NCO, as well, because NCOs are often surrogate parents. It’s quick, to the point, and most importantly, the idea that you did something wrong has a tendency to stick around for a while—quite literally, because it hurts. Great for that stupid Airman looking to get himself electrocuted. I also go for hand slapping, and egregious offenses (mostly Airman) got a hand to the occipital bone; they recover quickly.

    Yet, violence begets violence. While nobody died on my worksite, a fact I am still somewhat proud of given the tendency for high voltage military assets to explode due to operator error, I could have easily been charged with assault. I was called to my son’s school when he punched a kid for reasons he still won’t tell me. Growing up, one of the few memories of my dad was my being scared to death after I talked back. My youngest son is now the same age I was from that memory. I could be a terrifying figure as he is one tenth my size.

    The easiest way to create another libertarian is to be one in front of your children; chances are they will emulate you, so to make a long story short, that douchebag has a point.

    Which brings me to last Saturday. My oldest son has a book filled with random projects he can build with household items. One of them he was interested in was the classic, potato powered light bulb. We decided to take it a step further by assembling a small lamp powered by a Bagdhad Battery.

    Off to the hardware store we go with my six year old daughter deciding to tag along. Now, my relationship with my daughter is much different than my two sons. I don’t believe children bond with their parents as an infant; it comes about 3-4 months later when they begin to walk and interact with the world. I was in Iraq while my oldest son was that age so there is something…missing. That same thing is missing between my wife and daughter, as my wife was in Afghanistan while she was that age–my daughter and I are very close. So we get to Ace Hardware, I pay for our material, we hop back in the Jeep, and head home.

    She took a long time hopping out of the Jeep and had a curious gait walking back into the house. I stopped her, and asked what she was hiding and she says, “Nothing.” I asked again, pointing out she has a square item hidden under her dress, that she is holding in her hand and she again replied, “Nothing.” I pull up her dress (don’t go there) and reveal a small tin of Altoids. She then proceeded to tell me that my sister gave her that and said she could eat it in the car.

    Bullshit. NOBODY EATS IN MY CAR.

    Oddly enough, when I told my wife what happened she told me that she shoplifted on occasion until the age of ten, which added another WTF to my weekend.

    Eventually, I got it out of my daughter that she found it at the hardware store in the impulse buy section and she slipped it under her dress while the cashier and I were verifying that I cut my body length of stranded, #14 AWG copper wire, exactly 71 inches, priced appropriately at $0.49/foot. I could’ve slapped her hand then but I decided not to. You people are always complaining that there are no libertarian women, so maybe I’ll try to do my part. Don’t get any bad ideas OMWC…

    I first told her since she was going to steal from the store, I was going to steal from her. I had her pick her favorite shoes (she likes shoes) and set them in a box. I then considered this was non-productive because her favorite shoes are silver boots, and since we live in Phoenix she won’t wear them until October, anyway. This also creates a double standard a six year old can recognize. I settled for making her watch her brothers eat strawberry shortcake that evening.

    This upset her, so I took her to her room and explained to her why she wasn’t getting cake. The lesson however, was the can of mints was an item for sale. Selling the mints means the store gets money for the mints. If the store has money, they can continue to stay open and sell more mints for people that want them. If enough people want or need mints, the store will have to hire people to be able to stock and sell these mints. To sum it up for a 6 year old, she was stealing from the workers, because the mints pay their salary. She was stealing from the store owner (ACE is a franchise, it’s why I shop there), the cranky old man in the back that makes keys, because the mints help pay his lease and his livelihood. Finally, she was stealing from me, because all crime is the theft of something valuable. In this case, she stole my trust.

    She was crying after that so in a way, maybe I did hit her. She recovered fairly quickly and is still a six year old pixie.

    How’d I do?

  • Civil War II: A Trump Impeachment?

    Image result for russiaIt’s really amusing watching the MSM twist their panties in a wad trying to connect Trump to Russia. They’ve gotten the smallest amount of traction and the chants for Trump’s head have started. Besides the fact that the original Trump to Russia connection is based on innuendo and suggestion, the witch hunt has broadened out into a general search for any connection between Trump and the entire nation of Russia. Like a brain damaged chihuahua, the media chants “Russia! Russia! Russia!” hoping beyond hope that they will scare the GOP and Trump into submission. “We can finally control the renegade!” they think, as they piss away the last of their credibility.

    Although people joke about “alternative facts,” it’s not a joke. There are two prevailing agendas across the country: 1) Trump is LITERALLY HITLER and A RUSSIAN MOLE AT THE SAME TIME!!! 2) Trump is DADDY and GOD-KING OF KEKISTAN, VANQUISHER OF THE SJWs and CUCKS!!! The left has their educational and media empire churning out outrage by the gallon. The right has their independent media matching the outrage of the left.

    Antifa is smashing windows and folks like Based Stickman (who the fuck is Based Stickman and why is he called that??) are bashing Antifa heads in. People are primed to believe that the violence will do nothing but escalate.

    I tend to be quite skeptical of claims that the next civil war is about to start. Like the Rapture, many people have predicted a civil war, only to be laughably wrong.

    However, let’s travel through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of derp. A journey into a scandalous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead – your next stop, the Derplight Zone!

    TrumpalumpitydumpatrumpThis is Donald. Donald is a normal man, somewhat spoiled, somewhat outspoken. Donald has been a real estate mogul for the last few decades, accumulating a vast amount of wealth and notoriety. Recently, Donald was chosen to be the sacrificial lamb of the GOP to allow Hillary Clinton to ascend to her rightful place as Grand Master of the Lizard People The First Female President of the United States. However, something went wrong. Horribly wrong. Donald had an energy that transfixed the public, and nobody could explain it. Donald became President.

    Okay, I can’t keep the Twilight Zone schtick up, but let’s continue to investigate why this latest push to impeach could lead to a civil war. There is one big reason why: Trump’s election was an unexpected boon to a class of people that have felt trod over by the political elites for decades. People most fiercely defend unexpected gains, especially when it is threatened by their enemy. The Alt-Right has ascended and has labeled Trump as their knight in shining armor, here to wipe out the scourge of establishment politics and social justice. The Fascist Left has also ascended, using Hitlerian tactics while decrying Trump as literally Hitler. While an escalation of rhetoric isn’t a sure sign of war, it is a prerequisite.

    The desperation seen on both sides is significantly more concerning. Antifa Nazis have normalized mob violence and intimidation as protest tactics, and Alt-Righters have responded in kind. This powder keg is gonna blow at some point, and we’re gonna get another Kent State. The question then becomes what happens in response to the deaths of 5 or 10 rioters (of either side). Everything in my mind and heart tells me that a crisis like that would boil up for a few weeks and slowly subside. However, what if it didn’t? What if it boiled up into a tempest?

    I think it’s unlikely but possible that this could happen. Either Antifa is gonna beat some people to death, or the Alt-Righters are going to start shooting when Antifa gets violent in the wrong town. This could escalate to people seeking out the melee to contribute, which could escalate to large-scale violence between groups of people. . . also known as a battle. From there, things could snowball into nationwide insurrection.

    Obviously, I find this quite improbable, but the increasing violence and radical rhetoric inspire some unlikely thoughts.

  • Focus on the Family – A Cultural Rumination

    I’ve gone back and forth on how to format this article. It’s hard to stay on one single topic when talking about the cultural erosion of the importance of family. As such, I’ve written and deleted this article a couple times, simply because it turns into a rant against elements of our culture. It wouldn’t be a good read. This is my final attempt, and I’m keeping it short and focused.

    TW: I’m probably gonna piss a lot of people off. SLDs apply here as they do anywhere else. I support your right to raise your children as you wish, no matter the cumulative cultural damage I think may result.

    The most disheartening and soon-to-be-fatal flaw of modern Western culture is the disdain for the family. (I’m completely ignoring homosexual and other “alternative” families for this analysis; they’re statistical noise when it comes to culture as a whole). This “disdain” can be seen in many contexts, including: 1) Replacing traditional family roles with outside intervention, 2) Subsidizing family failures, 3) Transforming old stigmas into laudatory praise, and 4) Portraying family negatively. I’ll quickly expose my biases and then treat each of these quickly. Any more than a quick treatment starts to turn into a rant.

    My biases are simple. I’m a complementarian, meaning that I believe women are generally better at/more inclined to certain things and men are generally better at/more inclined to certain other things. This generalization is, by no means, a straitjacket but more of a descriptive observation of people as a whole. I’m also a believer in the ideal family being a supportive, lasting, tightknit family, one that passes morals, traditions, and beliefs from generation to generation. Much of the “disdain” I see is in opposition to the generational information transfer in this ideal family.

    Replacing Traditional Family Roles

    This primarily falls into two categories: government as Santa, and “it takes a village.”  To see the biggest indicator of how much government and other outsiders have taken over traditional family roles, simply do a time audit of a child in a typical American household. Out of the 15 or so hours little Johnny is awake, how many do his parents actually have any sort of influence? Maybe an hour? He spends 7 or 8 in school, 1 or 2 in extracurriculars and on the bus, 1 or 2 doing homework, and 2 or 3 watching TV/playing video games. Besides the odd homework check or multiplayer CoD game (ha! who am I kidding??), Mommy and Daddy hardly even talk to Johnny. Then Mommy and Daddy wonder why Johnny doesn’t carry on their morals, traditions, and values when he becomes an adult. Johnny’s primary influences are leftist-feminist teachers, Lord of the Flies peer influence, and the Internet. Two income households put kids into this cycle at a few months old, and there’s never a break.

    Subsidizing failure

    This could be an article in-and-of itself. Suffice it to say that economic incentives matter, and, according to Thomas Sowell, the average black family was better off 100 years after slavery than after 30 years of welfare. Paying people because their family is broken incentivizes other struggling families to break as well. You get more of what you incentivize, and you get less of what you penalize. We’ve spent 50 years subsidizing broken families out of some naive sense of compassion. Of course, government shouldn’t pile on when families come apart at the seams, but the safety net should be a net (SLDs apply), not a pillowtop mattress.

    Stigma to “Strong”

    The cultural mantra that “different is good” completely ignores the thousands of years of trial and error that has built the traditions that the postmodern left is now tearing down. Again, this isn’t a straitjacket, but there’s a difference between approaching single parent households as parents making the best of a bad situation versus approaching them as no worse than two parent households. There’s a difference between a first marriage, a second marriage, and a fifth marriage. In attempting to build up people (primarily women) in bad situations, culture has made the traditional family passe. Being a single mom is “strong” and “brave.” Being a housewife is “backward” and “sad.”

    Portraying the Family Negatively

    This goes hand-in-hand with the “strong,” “brave,” broken family trope. Feminists have undercut the family as an oppressive structure since the 30s. Culture has followed along, making men into uninterested, idiotic fathers. Mothers (and children) have supernatural wisdom, but fathers are morons. Not surprisingly, people follow the cultural model, resulting in disinterested fathers having children only because their wife begged for it to “save the marriage.” The end result has been the MGTOW movement, which, despite the nugget of truth regarding the gender-based cultural unbalance, exacerbates the problem by tossing the entire family out with the feminist bathwater.

    I’m a little bit proud that I’ve finally gotten this article finished. This is a difficult article to write up in spare time because it could be a 10 part, 50 page monstrosity. However, I think I conveyed the pamphlet version of the argument. I agree with the Distributists in that family is the core unit of society, and I think it makes this cultural erosion of the traditional family hugely self defeating. When culture erodes its own foundation, it doesn’t last.

  • Musings from the Trash Can #2: The Muppet Mumbles

    Like the first installment, I talk about a bunch of different things in one or two sentence snippets. First off, some music to set the mood.

    • I’m continuing to listen to my biography of William Tecumseh Sherman. I feel like I have a new revelation every day about how fucked up our cultural memory of the Civil War is. For example, the guy had absolutely no love for slaves. He seemed to think it embarrassing that the abolitionists pushed “the negro issue” to the point of war. For him, slavery wasn’t the slap in the face, secession was. There seemed to be a general consensus in the mid-1850s that slavery would eventually go away if they didn’t politicize the issue.
    • Yuengling is better than I remember it. It’s a good “cheap beer.”
    • Baby Trshmnstr is hours or days away, and she’s already expensive. A questionable result on a sonogram resulted in 2 specialist appointments before the specialist came to the conclusion that this was all kicked off by a shoddy original sonogram. Sometimes things just work out, and you don’t need tech to monitor every little thing. We were teetering on the edge of inducing at 36 weeks because a sono tech was having a bad day.
    • Just like in most other parts of life, negotiating is all about preparation. Without preparation, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be taken advantage of.
    • Paying college athletes is the dumbest idea ever. I’d be cool with a small stipend increase or something, but paying them a salary will torpedo non-revenue sports, put the final nail in the coffin of the “student-athlete,” and intractably separate the blue-bloods from everybody else.
      • You know what’s dumber than paying college athletes? The solution some moron on a sports board had to the issue: socializing all aspects of college so that the athletes didn’t have to pay for a night out at the movies.
    • Something has changed recently in the way that California is viewed by the rest of the country. It’s one thing for people in Texas and Nebraska to see California as a completely different country. It’s another thing when the Mid-Atlantic and New England have a complete disconnect from California.  I don’t think it’s quite there yet, but I’m a little surprised how much the DCers I’ve met since moving here are just as down on California as Texans are.
    • I’ve tried concealed carrying my S&W M&P9 Shield, but my holster is uncomfortable. Some of it is that I need to lose some of the muffintop so it stops rubbing on the butt of the gun. Some of it is that it’s a single clip holster, so it’s constantly rotating on my belt into uncomfortable positions. Here’s the holster I got. Any suggestions?
  • Ritual. Uniformity. Ceremony. Sacrifice. Brotherhood.

    By: Anon Anon

    A group of grown men stand around in an otherwise empty schoolhouse.  Out in public, you wouldn’t be able to spot them as cohorts.  They rarely wear their uniforms out in public, and they come from every walk of life.  Some have dirty hands and torn dungarees.  Some have meticulous spectacles and Italian loafers.  In here, standing under a trifecta of flags, standing in the anonymity of their uniforms, this paramilitary squad happily show off enough pins, dangly medals, and patches to make a third world dictator lift an eyebrow.

    Once everything is in place, the youth squad is led in.  The boys have their own uniforms.  They are a little bit different from the men’s.  But a little bit the same, too.  The men stand ready when the youth come in.  Patriarchal traditions are passed on best when men present a united front, and these men look prepared and competent.  

    Ritual.  Uniformity.  Ceremony.  Sacrifice.  Brotherhood.

    These are ideas that have always motivated boys, sometimes to gleeful bloodshed.  Knowing this, these are the ideas that these men use to mold the minds of the youth.  The ceremony starts.  The rituals begin.  A flag is saluted, allegiance is pledged, prayers are invoked, oaths are repeated.  Next, a new round of indecipherable pins are given to select youth who have shown sufficient vigor.  The youth are split by age and led apart.  Small cliques are easier to control than large groups.

    What authoritarian Hellhole is this?  A Hitler Youth rally?  A Southeast Asian secret police meeting? Some African boy-army training?  No, this is America.  Trump’s America.  And it is happening right under your noses.

    It’s your local Cub Scouts.  Please buy popcorn.

    Today, I am one of those men.  A few decades ago, I was one of those boys.  Somewhere in between I picked up Heinlein, filed my first income tax return, and decided I was going to teach myself economics by reading the stilted English of a few peculiar Austrian authors.

    How’s that for some cognitive dissonance?  Paramilitarist on the streets, libertarian between the sheets.  I was raised Catholic, so I know how to hold two mutually exclusive ideas in my head at the same time.

    But really, there isn’t any dissonance.  Scouting as a youth was good for me.  Scouting was something I chose to do.  When I said the pledge every week, it was because I chose to.  When I humped a backpack through a downpour with my best friends, it was because I chose to.  When I connected with the other scouts and made a community, it was because I chose to.  When I had a personal crisis and leaned on my Scoutmasters, the way any boy should lean on his father, it’s because I chose to.  

    And those Scoutmasters made a choice to be the man in my life when I needed it.  The father that Mother Nature gave me wasn’t good for much more than introducing me to occult rock and teaching me the value of cynicism.  A boy should have more than that out of a father.  Fortunately, I had a very peculiar volunteer community that gave me what I needed.

    Then I went to college and grad school.  I focused on me, not a community.  That’s OK.  That’s what college is for.  My engineering classes hammered home some libertarian facts – bridges fall if you design them wrong and no one can argue them back up.  An A really is an A.  At the same time, my autodidactic education was directed more to some classic libertarian past times.  I read Rothbard and Hayek and Smith and Rand.  I made friends with progressives for the first time.  I learned that I wasn’t really a political conservative after all.  I started voting strategically in local elections and writing in “Fuck You” for national elections.  I rolled my eyes at the pledge and stayed silent when they played the National Anthem at hockey games.

    I thought I was an individualist.  I knew how to shoot and do laundry and cook and all those things Heinlein said to do except that bit about the sonnet.  Sure, most of those skills I learned in scouting.  But that was behind me.  It was a ghost of a memory that only rattled a few chains when I used those skills.  I had a small handful of good, deep, solid friendships with people who didn’t agree with me on anything political.  I was my own man, living in the city but apart from any real community.  I knew I was standing on my own beliefs and I didn’t need anyone with me.  I was a libertarian.  I was a lone wolf.

    What a jackass.

    After school, I moved to a new city, took up a new job, and got to know a few people.  A very few people.  I mostly lived my life alone with just my wife and later a cat and two small humans.  I spent all my time in my apartment or in the office.  I didn’t spend much time with anyone else.  I barely knew anyone I didn’t work with.  Which is OK, because I’m an individualist, I told myself.  Over, and over, and over again.  I almost believed it.

    A few years go by, the oldest kid comes home from his government school with a blue and gold flier.  “I wanna do this,” he says.  Three years later, and I’m running the kid’s Cub Scout Pack.  I struggled for all of seven minutes trying to decide if putting on the uniform, saying a pledge, and reciting an oath would constitute turning my back on everything I have come to believe.  

    No, you jackass.

    Seems like *someone* has an unfair advantage here…

    You are a big hairless ape and God made you to function in a community.  Didn’t you say you read your Hayek and Smith?  And really, this is the ideal libertarian community.  There’s no government thug making me say the pledge.  There’s no qualified immunity that attaches when I put on my uniform.  There’s a couple dozen families that set aside two or three hours every week to come together to form a community.  Arts, crafts, and watered-down juice mix are also often involved.

    We say our oath because we want to.  And it is an oath to ourselves, not to some outside authority figure that lords over us by an accident of birth.  We say a pledge to a flag of an imperfect country that, warts and all, is still the greatest engine for freedom devised by man.  We don’t pledge to land or a nobility.  We have a law, and the only enforcement mechanism is our reputation with our peers.  We work together to make a wooden cars and to make a community and to make our youth better men some day.

    For me, that’s as libertarian as it gets.  Forget the lone wolf crap.

  • Mormons and the Bill of Rights, Part One – Too Many Wives

    After the newly-founded religion of the Latter Day Saints, under the leadership of Brigham Young (successor to the martyred Joseph Smith), moved to Utah, it presented the federal government with some problems, as soon as the United States had acquired the area from Mexico. Young and other Mormon leaders announced a revelation from God – Mormon men were strongly encouraged (to put it mildly) to marry multiple wives. Joseph Smith had been doing this in private but starting around 1852 the revelation was out in the open.

    Mormon theologians and polemicists made clear that their “principle” – polygamy – was far superior to monogamy. The great patriarchs in the Old Testament had done it with God’s approval. Polygamous unions supposedly produced healthy children. Men with many wives were not tempted, like monogamists, to frequent prostitutes or engage in fornication or adultery, thus polygamy was an answer to these social ills.

    Opponents of Mormon polygamy – whom historian Stephen Prothero calls “conservatives” although the critics included prominent feminists – denounced polygamy as barbarous, oppressive to women, and a practice which had harmed civilization in other continents.

    At first the federal government’s solution to the Mormon question was to make Brigham Young the governor of Utah. After all, Utah was a federal territory, most of its settlers were Mormons, and they’d obey Young.

    There was another consideration. To be sure, polygamy was problematic, but should Congress be telling the people of the territories what domestic institutions they should have? Southerners and their Northern Democratic allies said no – thinking of course of slavery. But polygamy was a domestic institution, too, so if Congress started banning it, people might get ideas about banning territorial slavery, also.

    Indeed, the Republican platform in 1856 said Congress should ban polygamy and slavery in the territories, calling the two institutions “twin relics of barbarism.”

    Budweiser, Beck’s 2012.jpg
    Twin relics of barbarism

    Democrat James Buchanan defeated the Republican candidate, on a platform of keeping Congress from meddling in the question of territorial slavery. Buchanan did meddle with the Mormons just a little bit in Utah, to the extent of deciding that Utah wasn’t the Papal States, and the religious leader shouldn’t double as the head of the civil government. So Buchanan fired Young as civil governor and replaced him with a non-Mormon.

    Mormons referred to non-Mormons as “Gentiles,” and it wasn’t meant as a compliment. Rather than submit to the Gentile governor, the Mormons launched a guerrilla war, but the rebellion was put down with the help of U. S. general Albert Sydney Johnston.

    I looked up the proper spelling of his name at Find A Grave
    Monument to Albert Sydney Johnston in his U. S. Army uniform, sternly determined to crush all rebels against the United States…hey, wait a minute, that’s not a U. S. Army uniform!

    OK, so General Johnston and a bunch of other people waged a Civil War, and for our purposes the result was that most of the Southerners left Congress, leaving a Republican majority which passed laws against both slavery and polygamy, the twin relics, in the federal territories. The Morrill Act of 1862 prescribed punishments for polygamists, but was rarely enforced. President Lincoln, though he signed the law, suggested leaving the polygamists alone, telling a folksy tale about a farmer plowing around a stump which was too big for him to remove. Or maybe Lincoln told the story about the salesman and the farmers’ three daughters – who cares what joke he told, Mormon-majority juries didn’t convict people under the law even if the local officials cared enough to prosecute.

    Still, the Mormon leadership wanted a test case to show the polygamy was part of their religious freedom, protected by the First Amendment’s guarantee of the free exercise of religion. So they got a guy named Reynolds to get prosecuted and to appeal his conviction to the U. S. Supreme Court.

    The Supreme Court, in Reynolds’ case, decided that Congress could ban polygamy in federal territories. There was no First Amendment right to engage in such a practice – polygamy was a blot on civilization. The true meaning of the First Amendment was spelled out in President Thomas’ Jefferson’s 1802 letter to the Danbury Baptists – the First Amendment erected “a wall of separation between Church & State.” The phrase (which isn’t in the Constitution) is fairly controversial, but for the Mormons the bottom line was that polygamy was on the state’s side of the wall, not religion’s side.

     

    That was pretty awful, wasn't it?
    My name is Reynolds and here is my rap / They put me in prison but it is all crap / It’s wrong to put me in this dungeon / When it comes to wives I want more than one

    Now it was time to put some teeth in the anti-polygamy laws. It was the 1880s, and Congress wasn’t down with Mormons marrying multiple ladies. So Congress tightened the screws in 1882 and again in 1887. Prosecuting polygamists – both for their multiple marriages and for “unlawfully cohabiting” with their surplus wives – was made easier through keeping polygamists off the juries. Gentile juries began convicting Mormon patriarchs, and the federal pen started looking crowded.

     

    File:Polygamists in prison.jpg
    Polygamist Mormons in the federal penitentiary in Utah

    Plus Congress took the vote away from many polygamists, and seized the property of the Mormon church for its defiance of the polygamy law. Some polygamists went underground, trying to evade detection from the sex police. Others went to the recently-established Mormon colonies in Mexico. While I don’t think Mexican law allowed polygamy, there wasn’t the same level of legal repression as in the United States.

    That joke wasn't offensive, was it?
    Gaskell Romney with his children. Gaskell grew up in a Mormon colony in Mexico, son of a Mormon polygamist refugee from the United States (Miles Park Romney). Fourth from left is Gaskell’s son George. George would move to the United States and have an anchor baby named Mitt.

    The Mormon leaders thought enough was enough. It was time for Utah to be its own state, so that under the Constitution, it would no longer be subject to federal morals laws. The Mormon leadership began a campaign to persuade the public that the whole polygamy thing was exaggerated, and that the Mormons were turning away from the practice. This wasn’t strictly true, but the Mormons had found some new friends, wealthy railway companies and railroad promoters, who were willing to spread the wealth around among newspapers and Congress members to create a favorable climate of opinion for the Mormons. If Utah ended up as a state, these railway interests expected that the government would be dominated by grateful Mormons, happy to pay back their benefactors.

    To help with the public-relations campaign, boss Mormon Wilford Woodruff issued a declaration in 1890 suggesting that he would hereafter urge his flock to adhere to the federal antipolygamy laws and not to contract new polygamous marriages.

    "Hold me, like you did by the lake on Nauvoo"
    Wilford Woodruff’s house from way back when the Mormons were in Nauvoo, Illinois – before they fled to Utah. The house is now a historic site maintained by the Mormons.

    The new declaration basically indicated a new determination to keep the polygamy on the down low. Men who already had multiple wives (married before 1890) would not be hassled by the church for continuing to cohabit. If men wanted extra wives after 1890, they could go to one of the Mexican settlements – there was nothing in United States law against being a polygamist in Mexico (or keeping extra wives there).

    The Mormons and their allies could now claim (with some truthiness) to have gone beyond polygamy. Another step was necessary. Hitherto, the political parties in Utah had been divided between the (Mormon) People’s Party and the (Gentile) Liberal Party. The Mormon leadership decided to make Utah competitive between Democrats and Republicans, dangling before the two major parties the prospect of Senators, Congressmen, and electoral votes. It was a delicate operation, since the traditional Republican support of anti-polygamy laws made Mormons Democratic by inclination – and the leadership wanted a politically-competitive state which neither party could write off or take for granted. So the leaders sent the word out that those of the faithful who hadn’t already become Democrats should become Republicans, thus setting up the needed balance.

    These various underhanded tactics worked – Congress agreed in 1894 that if Utah adopted an anti-polygamy state constitution, it could become a state in 1896. The voters complied, and the state of Utah entered the Union in 1896. Polygamy was a crime on the books, but that was a state law, and the state law wasn’t enforced with the same vigor as the old federal anti-polygamy law had been. The railroad interests were disappointed that they didn’t get the keys to the state treasury – they thought they deserved at least that much at the hands of the new Mormon-dominated government in exchange for advocating statehood. But the deed was done.

    Then something happened to bring the whole polygamy issue back into unwelcome public attention.

    In 1903, the Utah Legislature chose the Republican Reed Smoot for U. S. Senate. Smoot was a successful, hardworking businessman, and a monogamist. He was also one of Mormonism’s 12 Apostles – part of the top leadership of the Mormon Church, and it soon transpired that not all of the church leadership shared Smoot’s personal preference for monogamy.

    The Senate provisionally gave Smoot a seat, then its Committee on Privileges and Elections held hearings on Smoot’s qualifications. The issue at hand was whether the top Mormon leadership, of which Smoot was a member, encouraged polygamy.

     

    Kind of funny

     

    During about three years of hearings, it transpired that the top Mormon leadership was riddled with polygamy. President Joseph F. Smith – the boss Mormon – had several wives. The practice was still widespread.

     

     

    President Smith was grilled by the Senate Committee

    This was a problem because it was the Progressive era, and reforming society was the “in” thing once again. While the progressives were not so deluded and mad with power lust as to think they could simply pass morals legislation to supersede the laws of the states, there were rumblings about an anti-polygamy amendment to the U. S. Constitution. The Mormon leadership decided that it was time for the other shoe to drop. In 1890 they’d put their polygamous practices on the down-low, no longer advertising them. Now in the early 20th century they stopped polygamy for real.

    Fortunately, previous Mormon criticisms of monogamy turned out to be exaggerated. When they became monogamists, Mormon men didn’t rush off en masse to the brothels. To this day, Mormon family life, while subject to imperfections and scandals like anything human, has compared favorably with family life in other communities.

    Congress had banned the immigration of polygamists in 1891. In the Progressive era, they banned the advocates of polygamy from immigrating. This caused diplomatic tension with the Ottoman Empire, which was indignant at the idea that Muslims – even monogamist Muslims – might be kept out of the United States merely for believing that the Muslim faith says about polygamy sometimes being OK. In practice, there was no Muslim ban, and only those who actually called for the introduction of polygamy into the U. S. were hit with the ban. In 1990, Congress decided that advocates of polygamy could immigrate here, just so long as they weren’t polygamists themselves.

    By this time, all of this had grown irrelevant to mainstream Mormonism, though one still hears of the splinter Mormon sects.

    As far as the mainstream Mormons are concerned – that is, most adherents to the religion – a contemporary Mormon apologist summed up polygamy this way: “here are the facts: yes we did and no we don’t.”

    As to Reed Smoot, we will meet him again, but for now let me mention the possibly-true story about Senator Boies Penrose, who allegedly said he preferred a polygamist who didn’t polyg to a monogamist who didn’t monag.

     

    Works Consulted

    Kathleen Flake, The Politics of American Religious Identity: The Seating of Senator Reed Smoot, Mormon Apostle. Chapel Hill, University of North Carolina Press, 2004.

    C. Carmon Hardy, Solemn Covenant: The Mormon Polygamous Passage. Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 1992.

    Edward Leo Lyman, Political Deliverance: The Mormon Quest for Utah Statehood. Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 1986.

    Charles S. Peterson and Brian Q. Cannon, The Awkward State of Utah: Coming of Age in the Nation, 1896-1945. Salt Lake City: University of Utah Press, 2015.

    Stephen Prothero, “The Mormon Question,” in Why Liberals Win the Culture Wars (Even When They Lose Elections). New York: HarperOne, 2016, pp. 99-137.

    Thomas Cottam Romney, The Mormon Colonies in Mexico. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1938.

    Claire A. Smearman, “Second Wives’ Club: Mapping the Impact of Polygamy in U.S. Immigration Law,” Berkeley Journal of International Law
    Volume 27, Issue 2, Article 3 (2009).

  • Race Relations in … Montana?

    Downtown Billings, Montana. The city of racists, I guess?

    Oh, Billings, don’t ever change. I suspect this might be a little too local, but we made national news, anyway. A local radio host, Paul Mushaben for Cat Country, KCTR 102.9, posted the following on his blog:

    The crowd is so unruly and disrespectful of the facility that it may be time for the MHSA to proceed with an all Indian tourney.

    Word is there was more, but the offending post was removed later that day after many, predictable complaints. Mushaben was suspended for his remarks.

    … at least for a while. Following protests and an apology from Mushaben, he is now back on the air:

    I would like to apologize to those who were offended by my recent blog post. It suggested separation for Native American teams to play in their own tournament at separate facilities. I apologize and regret making those statements.

    My intent was to address the unruly behavior at these events and the disrespect of the facilities and to convey that any team, and I mean any team, not willing to acknowledge and obey the rules should not be allowed to participate.

    I will continue to pressure the MHSA to stop the unconscionable behavior and destruction of property at our schools and local venues during all high school events by any and all parties. Disrespect and lawlessness should be dealt with swiftly and with consequences for everyone.

    Again, I apologize to all who were offended and hurt by this. I also want to thank all of our Cat Country family for your loyal support.

    Just another spring in one of the least diverse cities in the nation. Feel free to find your own city on the list and compare notes in the comments below!