Another ginger beer treat this week (last one – I promise). The funny thing is, I practically never used ginger beer until a few years ago, when I got into some authentical Dark and Stormies, decided to make them at home, and discovered the superiority of small batch ginger beer (Maine Root) and “home-made” (Pickett’s and soda water). When I saw how good ginger beer could be, well, I just couldn’t keep my hands off of it. Can’t recall where I originally ran across this, but its a regular at Casa Dean.
As with the Dark and Stormy, there are a couple of ways to go at this – ginger beer out of the bottle, and make-your-own ginger beer.
This beverage as seen from space (Thanks NASA!)
3 oz. rye whiskey (can’t go wrong with Bulleit or Rittenhouse )
1 teaspoon Amaretto, maybe a little less (honestly, I don’t have a brand preference here)
1/3 oz lemon juice
6 oz. ginger beer (see the Dark and Stormy linked above for your options)
I use rye for just about any whiskey-based cocktail, even if the recipe calls for bourbon or similar. I just like the way it mixes, it seems a little smoother and a better neighbor for the other ingredients. The short teaspoon of Amaretto doesn’t seem like enough to make a difference, but it adds a nutty sweetness that is right at home with the ginger beer. The lemon juice kind of opens and brightens up the drink (yes, I have unintentionally made this without lemon juice or Amaretto, so I know whereof I speak). I’ve tried it with lime juice, and it just doesn’t work as well – for some reason, lime juice works with tequila or rum based ginger beer cocktails, but not this one.
Anyhoo, this is a highball, so grab a big enough glass, pour the ingredients over ice, and you’re done.
Pictured: the only calvado image that this site could afford
During our discussion of sippin’ likker, KSuellington recommended Calvados (apple brandy from Normandy) in the comments. Holy crap, is that good stuff. I grabbed a bottle of Busnel Vieille Reserve VSOP and have been working it ever since. Good cognac is very nice, but its not on my short rotation (partly, admittedly, due to cost), but I find cognac to be a little thin and “hot” unless you spend truly impressive amounts on an XO. This Calvados stuff, though – nice body, just the right alcohol heat, and a deep complicated apple/pear thing going on. If I lived in Normandy, my liver probably would have exploded by now.
Which raises another issue: glassware.
Generally, I am fairly indifferent to the glass used for a particular drink. As long as its pretty much the right size, I’m good. I do have Scotch glasses (umm, actually, three different kinds, but two were gifts, OK?), and I do think Scotch is better out of purpose-built glasses than a plain rocks glass. I actually use a Scotch glass for most anything I drink neat. But brandy (and this proved to be true with Calvados) is notably better out of a proper snifter. Can’t explain it – when I tried the Calvados the first time, I used one of my Scotch glasses – very nice. Next time, I used the brandy snifter, and it just opened up and became a very close friend. Plus, for the true plutocrat fashion statement, nothing pairs with a tophat and monocle better than a brandy snifter.
Spot the Not: Sonia Sotomayor
The Honorable Sonia Sotomayor
1. Whether born from experience or inherent physiological or cultural differences our gender and national origins may and will make a difference in our judging
2. The Latina in me is an ember that blazes forever.
3. I have a very close relationship with my sister. My sister is a precious jewel.
4. I had no need to apologize that the look-wider, search-more affirmative action that Princeton and Yale practiced had opened doors for me.
5. My diabetes is such a central part of my life… it did teach me discipline… it also taught me about moderation.
6. I am a product of affirmative action. I am the perfect affirmative action baby. I am Puerto Rican, born and raised in the south Bronx. My test scores were not comparable to my colleagues at Princeton and Yale.
Greetings Boils and Ghouls, and whatever other gender you may be currently identifying as. For the next three weeks, I’ll be reviewing films from that wonderful splendiforous genre, my personal favorite, giallo. I’ll be doing this due to the presence of several well-known giallo guests at Texas Frightmare Weekend, coming up May 5th-7th. I’ll choose three different films from three of the genre masters. And don’t worry, my beloved readers, you’ll get a full report of Texas Frightmare after it’s finished and I’ve recovered from my biggest drinking & spending weekend of the year.
But since most of you probably either haven’t heard of that genre or don’t care for it because you are philistines with no taste, who drink knock-off Colt 45 in paper cups drawn out of a large plastic bag being sold by that elderly Mexican fellow pushing it around in the little cart, I won’t subject you to four straight weeks of the best 1970s Italy had to offer. This week we’ll go with a popcorn goofy horror film, one of my favorites from my woefully mundane childhood, Monster Squad. Or more correctly,The Monster Squad. But seriously nobody calls it that in casual conversation, and if you do, you’ll stand out as being that guy.
The movie poster. Pretty much does what it says on the tin.
Monster Squad is a 1987 creature feature with a set-up so ludicrous you can’t help but love it. Dracula is trying to take over the world, and to do so, gets the old band back together. Only our impetuous band of child heroes can stop him.
Monster Squad was directed by Fred Dekker, a man who writes much more than he directs. His few other directing efforts are…hit and miss. You have RoboCop 3 (boo, hiss!), but also Night of the Creeps (huzzah!). More interestingly, the film was written by Shane Black. Now if that name doesn’t ring a bell to you, see if this does: “Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend. I said to her, “Jeez, you got a big pussy. Jeez, you got a big pussy.”
That’s right, Monster Squad was written by fucking Hawkins.
Seriously though, check out his IMDB. In addition to being Hawkins, he’s written Lethal Weapon, Iron Man 3, and is directing the upcoming The Predator film. Nuts, huh?
Aside from that, Monster Squad is peopled largely with actors that you may probably kinda sorta recognize, but probably not (depending, of course, on how big a film fan you are). Mary Ellen Trainor (RIP), mostly known from the Lethal Weapon series. Leonardo Cimino, who plays the weird little bald guy with an accent in every movie which called for that role (also RIP). Jason Hervey, who played asshole older brother Wayne on The Wonder Years. Tom Noonan, from all sorts of things like Last Action Hero, and decent little Satanic Panic throwback horror film The House of the Devil. The IMDB photo for the main protagonist, Andre Gower, kind of has a rapey murder vibe going on. Finally, Drac himself is played by Duncan Regehr, whom our friends from north of the border will recognize as also being Canadian. He was in several episodes of DS9 as a Bajoran dude getting to occupy Major Kira’s wormhole and was also the ghost-but-really-it’s-an-alien-who-likes-fucking-Dr. Crusher-and-lives-in-a-candle-for-some-reason on that one episode of Next Generation where they go to Planet Scotland. You know exactly the episode I’m talking about, you fucking nerds.
ANYhoo, our story opens 100 years ago, with Dr. Van Helsing botching an attempt at killing Duncan’s Dracula – Dracan…Duncula? I like Duncula, let’s go with that.
Cut to present. Duncula has set up shop in Red Stick, Louisiana, and has recruited The Mummy (who escapes from the local museum), The Creature from the Black Lagoon (whom I could totally see living in Louisiana), some poor schmuck who has been turned into a werewolf, and even managed to rob Frankenstein’s Monster from an airplane carrying it God-knows-where. Does Red Stick even have a museum that would be fancy enough to host an actual mummy as part of an exhibition? I dunno. Suthenboy, what of it? You’re the closest one I know to that area.
The Jackson Five, as re-imagined by…well, me, I suppose.
Turns out, Mary Ellen Trainor just so happens to buy Van Helsing’s diary at a fucking garage sale (not making that up) and gives it to Rapey McMurderface as a gift. See, he’s really into monsters and has an after school club where they go up in a treehouse and talk about monsters. The only problem is, the diary’s in German.
So off we go to Leonardo Cimino, playing a Holocaust survivor, who translates it for them. Turns out there’s an amulet that balances good and evil in the world, and once every hundred years, you can bust that shit up and then evil will rule the world. So this is Duncula’s plan in a nutshell.
Our plucky protagonists manage to defeat the monsters one at a time (the mummy never does a goddamn thing except shuffle around and then get destroyed) and even recruit Frankenstein’s Monster onto the Good Team. Finally, we’re left with only Dracula, who, in a pretty badass scene that somewhat presages what you see at the end of Rogue One, purposefully strides through the middle of town casually massacring the entire police force as they run up to him one at a time.
Of course, in the end, a hole is opened to Limbo by having a virgin read some words (that’s how Limbo works, right?), and the mean monsters are sucked into Purgatory forever. Frankenstein’s Monster is also banished, punished for looking weird regardless of the morality of his behavior. Just like in real life. Being an 80s movie, there is, of course, a bitchin’ training montage, and a contrived rap song for the final credits.
Look, the movie has tremendous heart. And the monster effects, particularly the Gillman, are honestly quite good (thanks to the wizardry of Stan Winston). I also personally have always preferred the half-man, half-wolf bipedal werewolves to the “he just turns into a big wolf” variety. And there are some background scenes that still warm my nerdy child heart (one of the characters wears RoboTech pajamas. I wish I had RoboTech pajamas as an adult!). It’s genuinely great for kids, or even for adults just looking for a cotton candy movie on an otherwise boring Saturday night. But ultimately, there are just too many plot holes that you can drive a bulldozer through. How the hell do all these monsters manage to converge in Red Stick? Actual non-monstrous humans have a hard enough time converging there. Why the hell does the US Army show up at the end entirely in response to a letter written to them in crayon by a little kid? Why does Duncula have so much fucking dynamite on him at all times? He casually tosses dynamite at people that he just pulls out of a pocket on his tux at least twice – I don’t remember that as being a known method of attack, and I’ve read a lot of vampire lore.
I have no clue who this guy is wearing the shirt, but he’s pretty fucking awesome, I can tell you that.
Still, it’s impossible not to like this movie down on some level, in the cockles of your heart. Just don’t go into it expecting it to be anything more than it is. The film didn’t do well when it was released but became a “cult classic,” and when the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin held a screening featuring many of the cast & the director in 2006, it sold out with lines around the block. So if you’ve got an hour and a half to kill and want a little old-style Universal Monster action updated to mid-80s standards, give it a shot. You’ve really got nothing to lose except time, which if you’re a frequent guest of this site we all know you have plenty of, and you may find yourself smiling here and there.
Two quick anecdotes: first, there’s a scene where one of the characters (a fat kid who died of pneumonia in real life in 1997; I can’t help but feel it would be more tragic if he wasn’t so goddamn fat) remarks to Leonardo Cimino that he knows an awful lot about monsters. Cimino says that he supposes he does and closes the door to his house, where we see a concentration camp number tattooed on his forearm. As a kid, I had no idea what that was and thought it was Dracula’s phone number. Why else would he be saying he knew a lot about monsters, with the camera then focusing on those numbers with menacing music playing?
The Mummy, right when he realizes he’s about to be vanquished after accomplishing exactly Jack and Shit towards Dracula’s goal.
Also, Rapey McMurderface wears a shirt through the first portion of the film that’s just a red t-shirt with yellow screen-printed letters that say, “Stephen King Rules”. My wife loved that shirt so much she found it at Texas Frightmare Weekend three years ago and wears it around all the time. I think maybe only two people have gotten the reference in all that time, though lots of people just think it’s a pro-Stephen King t-shirt and comment on how much they enjoy that author. I love my wife. I love having sex with my wife. I think I’m going to go have sex with my wife right now while you’re reading this. Think about it.
I rate Monster Squad 15 Weather Penises out of 27.
If you aren’t strength training already, I highly encourage it. The benefits are many: increased physical attractiveness and general physical health, potential rehabilitation of old injuries or addressing impairments, increased performance (possibly as it relates to “sports”), and finally, it’s just a damn good time and feels great.
I don’t care if you’re a bodybuilder, a weightlifter, a strongman, a crossfitter, or a couch potato; you need strength training in your life.*
I’m not going to get into a really involved post about which program you should follow, how many sets or reps you should do, or how often you should do cardio. You can make progress following just about any program, and any program worth the time it takes to read will tell you all of those details. I have made good progress with 5/3/1, and Mr. Riven is excelling under Starting Strength. I’d recommend either, but obviously Starting Strength is the way to go if you’re new to the barbell.
There are four main barbell lifts: the overhead press, the bench press, the back squat, and the deadlift.
So, I know I said before that the overhead press is pretty approachable and that’s not wrong; however, the deadlift is right up there, too. What could be simpler than looking at a weighted barbell on the ground, bending down, and lifting it with straight arms? There’s nothing better than the feeling of a solidly good deadlift. (Well, maybe some things.) I guess you could say this about any barbell lift, but mechanically they’re all very simple because they must be. When you execute a lift well, it should feel great.
You know I’m going to have to link to the Art of Manliness video in which Rippetoe‘s mustache instructs the other guy’s mustache how to make the sack of meat that carries him around deadlift properly.
I’m also going to link Alan Thrall’s samey video–though I should point out that this time it’s a full beard instructing instead of a mustache. If these two videos sound similar, it’s because they’re both operating on this set of knowledge. There is a wealth of articles and information on the deadlift just on startingstrength.com alone, and both Thrall and (obviously) Rippetoe draw on that for their videos.
Sigh. But not me.
I like pulling information from different folks on the same material. In particular, I like to listen for different cues since some will resonate with you and some won’t. For instance: I’d been improperly interpreting the “proud chest” cue in both the deadlift and the low bar squat, leading to poor torso-hip angles on my lifts. It wasn’t until I heard the alternative cue “tight back” that I realized I’d been focusing on the wrong things. “Ooooh, it’s not that I need to keep my chest up, necessarily; it’s that I need to keep my back, lats, etc., tight. This will keep my back straight throughout the lift, and raising the chest is only a mechanical effect of that.” What a spaz, right? So listen for different cues. And use a hook grip or you’re dead to me. I know it’s uncomfortable; deal.
Having read the comments in the last section (but, of course, being too busy playing Horizon and the NieR demo in my underwear to participate), I noticed a few folks mentioning wanting to get into better shape but having various (valid) excuses: older, injured, don’t have the equipment, don’t want to join a gym, and more. Here is a link to a what I’ve found to be the most comprehensive, grounded, and even-handed approach to dieting–and that includes both dropping and gaining weight. I used to be pretty heavy, and one day I’d just had enough of looking at myself in the mirror and wishing it was different. Wishing doesn’t make it so. I ignorantly crash dieted down to a meager 120 pounds, but I still looked like hell–just a scant, paltry hell instead of a pudgy, chubby hell. I used the advice in the above forum to slowly put on another 30 pounds while lifting (forever bulk!), slowly lose 10-15 of those pounds without any of this nonsense, and I’ve been slowly, slowly, soooo slowly recomping in the 135-140 range ever since. All this to say I’m much happier with how I look now at 135-and-change than I was when I was lighter. It’s crazy what a little muscle-mass can do. The first time I sat on my actual ass in an office chair (y’know, instead of a pad of fat) was revelatory and over-all just awesome. You, too, can sit on your ass.
Greetings once again, fellow intrepid interlocutors of the insidious and the incredible, it is I, your humble author, once again delving into his personal DVD archive to bring you only the finest is bizarro horror filmmaking.
This week we take a look at the largely forgotten 1972 made-for-tv movie, Gargoyles. I’m afraid I don’t have much to regale you with in terms of production information; such is lost in the sands of time. And in the sands of New Mexico, where this beauty was filmed on a single camera in 18 days.
Opening title card. It’s always promising when they go with “day-glo slime” font.
No dear readers, this film is remembered for one reason, and one reason only: the exemplary practical gargoyle effects, made for zero dollars and whipped up over only a few days time. Now when I say, “exemplary,” understand that I’m grading on a curve here. Obviously, they don’t touch what is seen in much larger budget films. The costume designer was a fellow named Tom Dawson, who also did the wardrobe and costume effects for Blazing Saddles and Arnold Schwarzenegger crap-fest End of Days. It is interesting, however, to note that one of two people tasked with creating and applying the gargoyle makeup is Stan Winston, in his first credited special effects role. If after perusing that link you find yourself still unimpressed with the fine work of Mr. Winston, then you can go right to hell – my reviews are not for the likes of you.
Our story begins with a voice over explaining that gargoyles are actually the earthly spawn of Satan himself and that they arise every 600 years to try and take over the planet. However, it appears humans whip dat azz pretty badly every time because the creatures are now on the verge of extinction. However, it does result in many of the world’s myths about monsters.
Cut to anthropologist Cornel Wilde (who, fun fact, was blacklisted during the HUAC era) taking a drive through the desert, with daughter Jennifer Salt in tow (Salt would later touch again on the world of the macabre as a producer for sometimes-great-sometimes-dumb FX staple American Horror Story). Interestingly, throughout the film, Jennifer always seems to wear her shirts tied up to show off her stomach, which is, I suppose, something of a welcome diversion. Coming across a barely-functional roadside tourist trap run by lovable old Uncle Willie, the drunken coot ushers them out back to show them his prized possession: a gargoyle skeleton hung up in his shed out back. Willie proceeds to tell the anthropologist (the character has a name, but does it really matter?) about how the Injuns in the area used to have a lot of stories about these and….you know what, it’s just the usual hokum spun out in crappy horror movies. I’m so damned sick of people acting like/assuming that a bunch of freaking dudes dancing around smoking peyote have some kind of magical powers or great insight into the universe that I lack because I wear pants. Fuck that noise.
Bernie Casey is a Critical Monster Studies Professor
Anyway, the titular monsters attack, killing Uncle Willie and driving Generic Anthropologist and Hot Daughter to seek refuge at a nearby roach motel run by horny drunk Grayson Hall (best known for her long-running stint as Dr. Julia Hoffman on the original Dark Shadows). Having escaped with the gargoyle skull from Willie’s shed and with audio recordings of the attack, our protagonists try to make sense of all the shenanigans and goings on. They are attacked again by two of the creatures trying to retrieve the skull, and once they have it, they flee across the road only for one of them to be hilariously run over by a semi. It comes out of nowhere and is really quite funny, because normally when you see the creatures running or attacking, they director uses a kind of weird slow-mo, so it cuts straight from that, to a damn truck coming out of nowhere and smacking one of them.
“I don’t remember you from the faculty meetings at UCLA…”
Running to the police station to report the latest attack, Hot Daughter pleads with the cops to believe her, and to release several dirt bikers they caught at the scene of Uncle Willie’s earlier that day (the lead biker being played by Scott Glenn, who is one of those guys whose name you don’t know but you’ll recognize him when you read through his IMDB). On her way back, she’s kidnapped by King Gargoyle…Bernie Casey?! I think that’d be racist today. You may know him from his work in Revenge of the Nerds or Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, but because I’m me, I’ll always remember him from Suzanne Somers and Stacey Keach eco-horror film, Ants. Yes, I have that on DVD as well. Anyway, the actually pretty awesome looking head gargoyle takes Hot Daughter back to their cave, where he explains that 1) they’ve only been woke for a few weeks, 2) he’s taught himself pretty good English in that time, and 3) he likes to have chicks read stories about 15th century rapes out of scholarly books to him. We also see the gargoyle hatchery, where eggs literally half the size of the adults hatch the creatures, and we learn that the ones with wings (such as Casey and his female gargoyle consort) are “breeders”.
A close-up of the really quite good monster makeup used in this film
Generic Anthropologist convinces the cops and the local dirt bikers to help search for Hot Daughter, and the group is eventually assaulted by the gargoyles. The humans manage to kill a lot of them with shotguns and pistols, which really makes one wonder how the whole, “We’re going to exterminate humanity” thing is going to work out for the monsters. Scott Glenn goes in to throw gas around and burns the hatchery, and upon seeing him beset with gargoyles, Generic Anthropologist declares him dead and flees (he did the same to Uncle Willie earlier – seriously, the guy will decide you’re a lost cause within seconds of you running into any adverse circumstance). The supposedly thousands of eggs burn up from the two gas cans splashed around one room, and Bernie Casey, along with his consort, try to fly away with Hot Daughter to, I guess, rape the shit out of her, since it’s pretty clearly established that the monsters only produce offspring with each other. However, Generic Anthropologist makes a Quick Decision and uses a handy rock to bust the consort gargoyle’s wing, forcing Bernie Casey to abandon Hot Daughter so that he can fly away with his basic bitch. And…that’s it. They get away, they end.
Bernie Casey: Critical Monster Studies Professor’s breeder counterpart. She actually gets jealous of Hot Daughter and helps Generic Anthropologist to escape at one point, dooming her entire race because she can’t control her womanish cattiness.
The movie basically sucks, but really, if you have the 74 minutes to spare, it is honestly remarkable how good they do with the gargoyle costumes given what you know must have been incredible time and budgetary constraints. So kudos for that. Director Bill Norton went on to acclaim *coughbullshitcough* as the director of such masterpieces as More American Graffiti, and Hercules and the Amazon Women. If any of you have seen either of these, sound off in the comments.
Actually please don’t, nobody gives a shit.
On a parting note, apparently it’s not safe to trust the TCM website’s user-generated movie ratings, because holy hell, check this out. The lowest one is 4.31 out of 5.
Personally, I award Gargoyles 10 Pubic Hair Cartoons out of a possible 30. Keep track of the percentages here; 10 isn’t very good.
If you aren’t strength training already, I highly encourage it. The benefits are many: increased physical attractiveness and general physical health, potential rehabilitation of old injuries or addressing impairments, increased performance (possibly as it relates to “sports”), and finally, it’s just a damn good time and feels great.
I don’t care if you’re a bodybuilder, a weightlifter, a strongman, a crossfitter, or a couch potato; you need strength training in your life.*
I’m not going to get into a really involved post about which program you should follow, how many sets or reps you should do, or how often you should do cardio. You can make progress following just about any program, and any program worth the time it takes to read will tell you all of those details. I have made good progress with 5/3/1, and Mr. Riven is excelling under Starting Strength. I’d recommend either, but obviously Starting Strength is the way to go if you’re new to the barbell.
There are four main barbell lifts: the overhead press, the bench press, the back squat, and the deadlift.
Single arm overhead press…basically
The most approachable of these (to me) is the overhead press. It’s a pretty simple movement. You hold the bar in a modified front rack position…and simply press it over head. When I say modified, I mean that the starting bar position for the overhead press is not the same bar position that you would use for, say, a front squat or a jerk. So there are some technical points you’ll want to review before you try this for the first time. Proper form is absolutely essential–if you lift improperly, there’s a good chance you could damage yourself. And you’ll never get through the Swolly Bible if you’re constantly injured. That said, I’ve included some links below to help you out.
I invite you to watch this video, if only because it’s taught by an honest-to-goodness,real-lifeRon Swanson. Protip: it’s called The Art of Manliness, and they have a video for each of the big four if you’re the kind to study ahead of the class.
I also like this one, but I don’t use a thumbless grip, personally.
If you’re more inclined to read like some kind of weak-wristed intellectual, as opposed to the clearly superior videos that speak to meat-heads a la Zardoz, here’s an excerpt from Starting Strength. There are pictures, too, so it might be worth browsing over even if you don’t read it.
Next time: the deadlift.
*Disclaimer: always consult a physician before starting a new fitness routine.
This review comes from my 30+ hours of gameplay. I have not exactly 100% completed the entire game, but I did finish approximately 70% of all the missions and quests before I finished the game’s story. I will not reveal any spoilers.
Before I go into the nitty gritty details about NieR:Automata, I would like to quickly go into the game’s background, such as the series it’s a part of and its creators. NieR:Automata is a sequel to the 2010 PS3/Xbox360 title Nier, which is itself a spin-off from the Drakengard series. The series and franchise as a whole were directed by Japanese game developer Yoko Taro, who is quite known in the industry for having multiple endings in his games. He is also known for his narrative style consisting of dark topics and atmospheres with a few little happy and funny rays of sunshine to lighten you (the player) up. Very important to keep in mind about all this is that this game is mostly stand-alone so please do not worry, you are not missing out! If you do find yourself curious for more background information on the series, however, please check out the other games yourself for more fun and sad times!
“I don’t like sand…”
Now that we got that little introduction out of the way, let’s get to the main course! In a nutshell, the game’s story revolves around a cold, stern female android named YoRHa No.2 Model B (2B), an inquisitive and somewhat sensitive male android named YoRHa No.9 Model S (9S), and an embittered, lonely female android named YoRHa Model A No. 2 (A2). These androids are a few among many in a war between their organization (YoRHa and the Council of Humanity) and machines on Earth thousands of years after they (the machines) and their alien masters drove humanity off the planet. That’s as far as I can go with the story, but there is A LOT for the player to go and discover for him or herself and there are many twists and turns out there. For now, let’s move on to the gameplay.
Kicking robutt!
The gameplay is third-person hack-and-slash action with a few hints of RPG elements. RPG elements include weapon upgrading (which you will have to farm the materials for), leveling, and managing your Android’s chip systems which can affect your stats and combat capabilities (e.g. bonus health, exp gain, damage from counter-attacks, etc.). The combat system is very smooth, and the particle effects look great even when you’re juggling multiple machines in the air with your katanas! Hacking enemies and making them fight or blow each other up as 9S is also VERY satisfying. There are also some bullet-hell flight sequences. (For a probably well-known and simple example, think of Galaga or Galaxia, and for all you weeaboos/Japanophiles, think of the Touhou games). Controls in the game can be a bit awkward at times since the dodge button is located where the trigger would be on a controller, but the player can change the settings for their own pleasure.
Taking a break
Now, concerning the environment or the game’s general world, the game has an open-world, but it is not quite on the same scale as The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind or Skyrim (not that this is necessarily a bad thing). Fast-travel can only be utilized in a few places at first, but as the player progress to a certain point in the story/main quest, many more FT (fast-travel) spots become unlocked. This gives players quite some time to explore the different areas and scenery as much as they want (the FT system feature, however, is VERY convenient for the many side-quests in the game). The player will also be traveling with a companion for a good majority of the game so they won’t feel totally lonely. The game is also meant to be played in multiple runs, so just beating it only one time will not complete the full picture of the story or give the player the full experience. There are also many side-quests the player can do across multiple playthroughs (progress for some side-quests is saved, too!), so do not worry about doing everything in one run. Just enjoy the current run you are on and play at your pace. Now for the music and graphics aka A E S T H E T I C S.
I walk this lonely road…
The music composition composed by the franchise’s veteran composers Keiichi Okabe and Keigo Hoashi is spot-on for many parts of the game. If one played the original Nier or Drakengard 3, they may find some nice remixes or familiar sounds in this new title. However, the original tracks are especially interesting and fitting for the game’s settings. For example, in one of the game’s early areas is a ruined, abandoned city being reclaimed by nature, the gentle piano background music amplifies that somber and dreary feeling of loneliness the area exudes. The tune however also carries the sound of a gentle and lively guitar that plays while one sees animals such as a boar or a moose running through the rampantly growing nature. During boss battles or action intensive scenes, the score greatly swells and the themes fit the bosses to a T, going with a variety of styles ranging from full orchestras to wild techno/synthetic. The voice acting is also very well done, both in the original Japanese and English languages. Either way you play it, the voices are very satisfying, and I feel they accurately conveyed the emotions and personalities of the characters.
Fire the MISSILES!
The scenery and graphics are also particularly beautiful and may even distract you from playing at times. In most of the areas the player will go to, they will mostly find no one but enemies, and I feel this helps further emphasize a sense of isolation that only makes you appreciate the interactions and relationships between the main characters and their companions so much more. The character designs also shine in this title. Prime example is the main cover girl, 2B, complete with her skirt and high heels. (Fun fact: when Yoko Taro was asked why 2B had high heels even with all the combat and action, he stated, “I just really like girls.”) Besides 2B, the rest of the ensemble are well designed, and some of the machine enemies you fight may even look surprisingly cute and endearing.
The Great Ascent
Some final thoughts and observations about the game: Many moments in the game touch upon topics that lurk in the darkest parts of our hearts and minds. However, the thing that makes all of this interesting is that only a few, if any, of those moments feel forced. A lot of these moments appear in casual and intimate conversations between 2B and 9S throughout their journey, and their interactions come across as a bit awkward at times (they are androids after all). But still, these conversations have an uncanny, natural feel to it. Topics brought up throughout the game include duty, life, death, emotions such as love, the concept of a soul or an afterlife, the futility or purpose of life itself, free will, why people kill, personal motivation, and prejudice. These topics/themes may not be entirely novel or original concepts in video games or science fiction, but I feel that it is in the presentation and application of these ideas that makes this game truly shine. It does take quite some time to get into those previously mentioned interactions, but I believe the emotional pay-off is well worth the hours of fighting machines and traveling with your partner. Another observation I found was that in a lot of the side-quests, players can make their own choices that are neither necessarily good nor bad, but all of these choices rely on what you feel is important to yourself and your own motivations.
ZA BOSS
A final interesting observation about the game is the rather egalitarian relationship between the androids 2B and 9S. There are moments in the game when 2B has to save 9S and vice-versa; both characters have their strong and weak points that complement each other (2B’s physical prowess and 9S’s hacking powers). And neither of them appear to have more authority or importance than the other. Now, one may be surprised at how a simple-looking Japanese hack-and-slash title can have such depth, but trust me, I was very surprised myself and I’m happy to say I’ve never been happier to have been wrong about a game.
TL;DR
PROS: Rich and deep narrative, beautiful graphics, and the music is expertly composed by the series’s veterans, Keiichi Okabe and Keigo Hoashi. Voice acting is also very crisp and fitting. The characters are relatable (it does take a bit of time to really feel them through) and each have their quirks/personalities making them each interesting to learn and care more about. Combat is very smooth, and boy, do you feel cool fighting robot samurai with your combat bracers or katanas.
The infinite vastness of space…
MAYBES: The dark and odd humor of director Yoko Taro can come across as awkward or too quirky at times, so that may or may not be off-putting. The story can also get a bit convoluted or chaotic at times. A few feels or serious moments may/can come across as forced.
CONS: Some framerate issues on PC (it is not exactly a buttery smooth 60fps at the moment, but there are unofficial patches available), fullscreen mode tends to cause a bit of lag, but windowed mode seems to work just fine. There is also occasional lag during pre-rendered cutscenes (this may have been due to my own fault/system, but it is still something to potentially keep in mind.) Combat may be a bit repetitive at times for some. Controls can also be a bit confusing, especially for beginner action game players.
Final Verdict: 9.5/10 would play again for the Glory of Mankind.
I can tell this crowd has its fair share of folks who like their liquor straight up, with none of that faggy “mixology” or “artisanal” bullshit [mental note: must Google to see if “Artisanal Bullshit” is a cocktail already]. So, this week’s post is for you lot.
Liquor that’s enjoyable straight out of the bottle is the Good Stuff; at some level, cocktails are what you do to make liquor that isn’t as palatable more drinkable. You can use the Good Stuff in cocktails and it will often make a better cocktail – although we use Casa Noble for margaritas due to Mrs. Dean’s unfortunate reaction to other tequilas, it is plenty good enough to drink straight up.
For me, mixed drinks are more social – I just associate them and generally drink them in groups when there is a lot of chatter and whatnot. Drinking liquor neat is more contemplative for me – I’ve done some of my best thinking with a glass of Scotch, a cigar, and a sunset. As Timothy Leary taught us way back in the day, set and setting are important when monkeying with your brain chemistry, and those are the sets and settings I use/associate with different kinds of drinking.
Ice? Water? Hey, de gustibus. I don’t drink the Good Stuff on the rocks, but I put a splash of water in my Scotch. Do what thou wilt, I say.
Things about the Good Stuff to keep in mind:
There is a deliriously huge number of brands and varieties. No matter how hard you try, there will always be a ton of things you haven’t tried yet. I always try to have two or three bottles of sippin’ likker in the cabinet, and not just Scotch (I’m a Scotch guy, not a Bourbon guy, when it comes to drinking neat). I always have a good Scotch and tend to rotate rum, mescal/tequila, and Armagnac. I am a creature of habit; I typically get the same booze for mixing, but the variety of the Good Stuff on offer practically demands that I try different ones. The good news is that it’s hard to go far wrong, so that $50 bet you just made on a new bottle is likely to pay off. Worst case – you can use it for making cocktails.
Unfortunately, it’s the Good Stuff, and it is priced accordingly. While my palate for wine runs out around $20/bottle (retail, not restaurant, pricing), in that I just don’t taste what’s “better” about more expensive wines, my palate for liquor hardly ever runs out as the price goes up. Sure, there are bottles that cost $60 that are as good as bottles that cost $100, but by and large the older, more expensive stuff tastes better, sometimes a lot better. That said, anything that is the latest, hottest booze is probably going to be overpriced – I’ve never had Whistle Pig or Balcones because I figure the hype on these has run the price too high. My personal price cap for stuff I drink neat is around $60/bottle (subject to moments of weakness); I’ve never paid much more than $80/bottle for anything but a gift.
So, a few recommendations:
Scotch: I’m an Islay guy. Laphroiag Quarter Cask is a regular visitor to the liquor cabinet, and their 18 year old bottling is reliably divine (I’ve never had the 25 year old). One of these years I hope to make it to the Islay Festival. Caol Ila (thanks to Ron for the recommendation over at TSTSNBN) is excellent, not as peaty/oily/smoky as Laphroiag. Honestly, the problem isn’t finding excellent Scotch, it’s affording excellent Scotch. Personally, I blame hipsters.
Mezcal: The Del Maguey Single Village line-up is excellent. They have contacts with OG local distillers, and some of it is amazing (and priced accordingly – the spendy Chichicapa tastes like the love child of an excellent Scotch and a very naughty tequila). I tend to have a bottle of the more affordable Vida available for those evenings when the world needs that particular mescal vibe.
Rum: The Ron Zacapa Solera 23 has to be tried to be believed. They age it like brandy, and, well, just try it. Honestly, I’ve never even tried another rum for drinking neat. I sprung for a bottle of their XO once, but that was one of the few times when I just couldn’t quite taste the extra money.
Armagnac: Basically, Cognac’s country cousin – I think the only real difference is that each is grown in a particular region (yeah, I’m sure the terroir is totes different, but whatev). I have the vague impression that Armagnac is a little more affordable. This one is more occasional, but I’ve enjoyed the Dartigalongue XO and Hors d’Age, which are both affordable(ish) and not a bad place to start if you are curious.
Derpetologist’s Spot the Not: Thomas Piketty
1. My premise is not to tax to destroy the wealth of the wealthy; it’s to increase the wealth of the bottom and the middle class.
2. I draw my inspiration from Sweden, not the Soviet Union. I have never advocated a centrally-planned economy.
3. I am not political. It is not my job. But I would be happy if politicians could read my work and draw some conclusions from it.
4. One way to have broader access to wealth is to reduce the tax on the large group and increase the tax on the very top so concentration of wealth doesn’t get to extreme levels.
5. I loved American universities. In many ways, they are better organized – certainly than French universities.
6. To put it bluntly, the discipline of economics has yet to get over its childish passion for mathematics.
My brain is going in a thousand different directions today, so I’m gonna roll with it. I’m just gonna write a few sentences for each thought in stream of consciousness form and see whether it gets me booed off the stage.
It’s amazing how much money touches every sore spot in a relationship. My wife and I are going through Dave Ramsey’s FPU to “tune up” our finances now that I’m making a paycheck again, and it’s painfully obvious how different our respective priorities are. I’m very risk averse and want to be completely out of debt within 5 years. She’d rather have nice things and not think about money. There was definitely some sleeping on the couch happening this week.
Am I the only one who couldn’t care less about this Russian bullshit? It didn’t pass the smell test in November. It didn’t pass the smell test in January. Now it smells like an Obama fart as we are starting to get wiretapping information.
I’m not at all surprised that the Whatever 7 from Wikileaks was another big nothing. We learned more about how utterly out of control our intelligence agencies are, but none of it was a “shocking revelation.” Wikileaks needs somebody to better market their info dumps because they’re all hat and no cattle at this point.
I think the NFL is suffering from the same problems as the NBA, and their ratings will continue to decline in the next few years. The players are less and less interesting to the majority of the population, prices for tickets and apparel are out of the reach of many, and the media spends more time on who beat up their girlfriend than on actual football anymore.
Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell is a great read! I think I’d recommend Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt first, simply because it’s shorter and less repetitive. Either book is a great primer on why everything politicians say about economics is crap.
Complete detox from the MSM has been nice. I’ll watch the occasional local news segment or click the random link to a MSM outlet, but generally I just avoid it. It gives a level of perspective to the daily Olympic pants shitting that happens in our culture. Also, nothing pisses a prog off more than when they’re hyperventilating with “Did you see that Trump did that????!?!?!?”, replying with “nope, must’ve missed it. Doesn’t sound very important.”
After watching a few Dateline episodes with Mrs. trshmnstr (what is with women’s obsession with that show??), I’ve come to the conclusion that if the random guy you met at a party texts you 2 hours later, he’s already in your garage getting ready to rape you, strangle you, and dump your body three counties over.
Final thought: I had always thought of the Civil War as being fought mostly in open fields. My visits to the Manassas Battlefield have disavowed me of that notion. I’m sure the artillery were set up in large fields, but it looks like much of the battle must have taken place in densely forested areas.
After complaining in the Lynx that I got a physical box with a digital code instead of install media for my preorder, there were those who suggested I review the game and give an opinion.
First Caveat: I have, as of this set of impressions, thirteen in-game hours. On the plus side, it does not feel like the game is about to end. Though it also means I have not fully explored the character of all of the NPCs, which is an area that traditionally was BioWare’s wheelhouse.
Second Caveat: I may end up with unmarked spoilers because of my style of writing reviews. I will try to avoid this, but mistakes happen.
I took my code and typed it into Origin while the Lynx were going. After getting to 42% of the download completed, Origin installed the base game and said I could start playing. It then went on to keep downloading content in the background. So if anyone is already put off by the Origin requirement, there’s your answer. This isn’t an Origin review, so all I’ll say is that it’s a weak Steam rip-off, and I’d rather not have to have yet another sales platform installed on my machine to play games.
One of the designers also supposedly said something racist about white people
The first impression I had of the game proper was that it loaded to the main menu massively faster than earlier Mass Effect games. After poking around in the settings menu as per my habit, I dropped into character creation. There has been much said about character creation on other pages, including claims that it was difficult to make a white Ryder which prompted me to immediately try for that.
The results were passable but there were a few things wrong when wandering about in-game. One, the hairline does not actually attach to the forehead. That gets distracting in close-up shots. Two, the face looks fractionally small for the head but proportionate to itself. That could just be me having screwed up in making my changes. But one thing that kept jumping out at me – all the restraints on the character customization are artificial. It is clear that the engine as it exists could easily handle giving a wider range of variation. Two, it is easy to see where the impression that there was a deliberate effort made to try to prevent people from making a white character. Whether there was intent or not is the question.
Anyway, I had my soulless ginger, and I kept wondering – why doesn’t the hair color apply to the eyebrows? It makes it look like everyone has a terrible dye job. Actually given how the hair doesn’t connect to the forehead, it makes it look like he’s wearing a wig. This leads into the next distracting problem. I’d dismissed the fuss about facial animations, but there is indeed something seriously off about them. At times, the lip-sync is broken to the point where the Salarians have more natural speech movements than the humans. This wouldn’t be as bad, but being Mass Effect, there are closeups during dialog, and it’s right there, front and center where you can’t miss it. Speaking of dialog, the voice acting… is spotty. Some characters work just fine. No problems. Others, the voice just doesn’t sound right for the model. And then there’s the handful where the actor is just awful. The Salarian director is one such character, where I was wondering “did they leave in placeholder audio?” during his dialog. Decent voice acting is invisible, it blends into the background. Bad voice acting ruins the immersion.
Will this cavalcade of complains end? Yes, but there are a few more to get to first. Coming from the voice acting, you get the writing. Whoever wrote some of this dialog at best half-assed it. Other writing is par for the series and not so much of an irritant. The problem is the juxtaposition of varying degrees of quality. There is a side quest where you investigate a murder which is actually pretty okay, but I was doing it in parallel to some of the main quests where the glaring mistakes popped up. Little flubs – awkward sentence structure and word choice unrelated to character proclivities, things like that, but being in cutscenes for the primary plot just meant there was nothing else to pay attention to at the time. I get the feel of several parallel writers, where the less experienced members got handed the main plot.
Right, lets get on to the gameplay. Anyone who’s played BioWare’s work in the past decade will be familiar with most of the conventions. In fact, they will have played this exact game before. For some, what I am about to say is the most damning commentary I could make. For others, it’s a non-issue. But here it is. This game is really Mass Effect: Inquisition. Character picks up unique ability that requires them to personally attend to some vital task. They are dropped into a position of authority within an organization without any qualification – an organization which they have to rebuild from a shattered state and woo allies against a better-resourced foe. And they repeatedly return to the same locales to do side quests and harvest resources to perform upgrades. They even have strike team missions which fill the role of the strategic map in DA:I. These strike team missions are where the Multiplayer is slotted in, as any of them sent out using an “APEX” requirement is a multiplayer mission. I’ve not done any of these because screw multiplayer; I play video games to get away from real people.
I was okay with Inquisition, and I’m fine with its reskinning. In fact, the reskinning is one of the best things because the Environment artists did a gorgeous job. Lets take a trip from the Citad- sorry, the ‘Nexus’ to the Desert world.
The office view.I told you it was the Citadel.Even the star system is dusty.The pretty view.The Business View.We really should pave the parking lot.We did build that.Fun fact, the Nomad doesn’t float.
Then we go and have a chat with an NPC and we get another good look at the character animations. And we see that there was a shortage of quality control
She stood like this the whole conversation.
Lets take our mind off that, here’s a view of the system on the verge of falling into a black hole.
It doesn’t technically suck, but it won’t be fun.
But that brings me to another problem. While exploration is explicitly a part of the game’s premise, the movement transitions take too long. You select a new celestial object to visit, the camera zooms in where you are, pans to aim at the other body, then flies over there, pauses for a full second, and finally reorients at the new location before giving you back control. You can’t skip it, and it does this for every transition. This wouldn’t be so bad, but when you’re doing stellar cartography, a lot of these planets have zero or at most one surface feature to investigate from orbit. You will be flying from world to world a lot. This gets tedious after a while.
While we’re on the subject of transportation, the Nomad is a decent vehicle in some ways, it definitely handles better than the Mako, but cannot tackle anything approaching the inclines that the Mako could. It doesn’t jump very high, but it also doesn’t leap off of cliff faces and pirouette through the air like the Mako did. It has one seriously annoying drawback – no gun. You have to get out of the Nomad to shoot anything. I’m not going to compare to the Hammerhead because that was a skimmer, and the wheeled vehicles are more appropriate parallels. The Nomad apparently has an infinite supply of mining probes packed away in the back. These probes are as big as people and I’ve launched a number on a single run without resupply. I think I’d rather have a gun.
While I joked about the aesthetic in the screenshot travel montage, I do understand wanting to keep the Initiative tech looking like what we saw in previous installments. Where the problem comes from is the lack of originality in the Andromeda aliens. I’ve seen two sapient species thus far. One looks like it got lost trying to figure out if it was supposed to head to the Star Wars set or the Star Trek set. It is an uninspired rubber-forehead design. The main villain race looks like someone tried to mix and match traits and animations from the Geth and the Collectors. They are the biggest disappointment thus far. We flew all of these light years for something that isn’t even all that alien. The ‘Archon’ has a comedically child-like face too. It’s just a bit embarrassing.
The characters look like BioWare standard fare, and I could point to the archetypes from previous games, but as I said, at thirteen hours in, I’ve not had time to evaluate them all. Except I know I cannot stand ‘Peebee’. Immediately after the scene where she introduces herself, I emptied an entire thermal clip of pistol rounds into her because she was that obnoxious. Sadly, these seemed to have no effect. There were points in the subsequent mission where I was all but yelling “Don’t follow the moron” at the pathfinder, but the power of cutscenes compelled him. I cursed when I opened the wrong door on the ship and ended up in an inescapable conversation with her. Some of the other NPCs started out grating, but became less of an irritant over time. Liam was much easier to deal with after I replaced him with a Turian and he wasn’t constantly yapping on during missions.
I am seriously distrustful of the AI, and I really wish there was a way for the PC to try to get it out of his head. That thing is just plain wrong and the first step down a lot of bad endings for humanity.
So far, I give it three dead Reapers out of five. It won’t wow you, but it can be enjoyable if you liked Inquisition. You may want to wait for a sale if you’re on the fence.
Last week’s post on the Dark and Stormy dabbled in the equipment and supplies that can be put to good use by the home bartender. This week we will survey the Casa Dean’s loadout for cocktailing, which by its nature invites a plethora of tools and ingredients.
Casa Dean Gear
In addition to the cocktail measuring glass and soda syphon mentioned last week for the Dark and Stormy (ginger beer syrup edition), and the eyedropper the week before (to dose Pernod properly for a Monkey Gland), there’s also a few other items that we use:
• Shaker. There are some variations on this, and a lot of [real] bartenders use a Boston shaker (two stainless steel containers, the top of one fitting inside the top of the other) or a variation with a pint glass and a stainless container. These are tricky to pour out of and prone to accidents, so I use a pretty standard shaker, the kind with a cap that has a strainer.
Shaking your drink does a couple of things, in addition to mixing the ingredients: it chills the drink, and it dilutes the drink a little (remember: a proper shake is 10 – 15 seconds). Both of these are Good Things – water is one of the unacknowledged ingredients of many cocktails, which just taste better a little diluted. Hell, it’s acceptable, even expected, to add a splash of water to even the finest single malts.
• Spherical ice makers. This is a recent addition to our setup, and we’ve started using them almost exclusively for “rocks” drinks. Highballs still get the usual cubes from our icemaker. The spheres have a couple of advantages; they just look cool, and they melt more slowly, so your drink doesn’t get as watery. The 1 ½ inch size seems pretty standard. It does take them a little longer to cool the drink, if it started at room temperature.
I’ve been using this SVERES Jumbo Ice Ball Tray, which makes six at a time. A little more labor intensive than just pushing the lever on the front of the fridge, but worth it, IMO. I’ve also got a pair of these Tovolo Sphere Clear makers, but they’re kind of a pain in the ass to use. I think they make somewhat better spheres than the tray.
• Glasses. For highballs, we just use whatever. For rocks drinks, I’ve been using these Bodum double wall glasses. They slow the melting of the ice balls even more and look pretty cool. These used to be pretty fragile, but they’ve been beefed up enough we haven’t had any problems.
Casa Dean Supplies
Confession time: I don’t fresh squeeze my citrus juices; I get good lime, lemon, and orange juice in bottles and just use that. I also don’t generally garnish. When I’m thirsty, I get lazy, OK?
For liqueurs, we have the following:
• Pernod, for Monkey Glands. I haven’t found another use for it that I liked, so that’s about it. Its basically licorice concentrate, to my palate.
• Amaretto, mostly for Polar Vortexes (to be written up one of these weeks). It’s a sweetener, mainly, but even in small amounts it changes up the drink.
• Salerno, for margaritas, sangria, anything that calls for orange liqueur. I’ve got some Grand Marnier, but just don’t really use it much since I found Salerno, which isn’t as sweet and “heavy” as most orange liqueurs.
• Luxardo Maraschino Liqueur. I pretty much just use this to make my own maraschino cherries, which are completely different than the dyed candied cherries passed off as such in the grocery store. Real maraschino cherries on chocolate ice cream is just divine, BTW, and justifies making your own all by itself.
• Drambuie. For the occasional Rusty Nail. Mrs. Dean also likes it sometimes just over ice.
• We also have Rivata sweet and dry vermouth. I mostly use the sweet to make Rob Roys and Manhattans. I’ve tried olde schoole martinis, but just don’t come back to them.
For bitters and mixers, there’s a few standards and a lot of interesting stuff to try. As mentioned last week, Pickett’s Ginger Beer Syrup is excellent. The Jack Rudy Classic Tonic syrup gets a real workout in hot weather, as well – it produces a vastly more flavorful gin and tonic than what you get in the store. You need a soda syphon to use these, or you can just crack open a soda water or club soda and pour in. But the soda syphon’s more fun.
I like the Bittermilk lineup, and use several of their mixers off and on (the Charred Grapefruit with light rum is way too easy to drink in hot weather). Others make their way in and out of the pantry from time to time as experiments (I have this Maple-Bacon Syrup going through testing right now), and it is remarkable how many smaller companies are putting out good stuff. These will get called out as needed in future recipes.
Derpetologist’s Spot the Not: Leonard Peikoff (a famous Randroid)
1. [Regarding the so-called Ground Zero Mosque] Any way possible permission should be refused and if they go ahead and build it, the government should bomb it out of existence, evacuating it first, with no compensation to any of the property owners involved in this monstrosity.
2. Responsible parenthood involves decades devoted to the child’s proper nurture. To sentence a woman to bear a child against her will is an unspeakable violation of her rights: her right to liberty (to the functions of her body), her right to the pursuit of happiness, and, sometimes, her right to life itself, even as a serf.
3. Every argument for God and every attribute ascribed to Him rests on a false metaphysical premise. None can survive for a moment on a correct metaphysics.
4. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. Plant nothing else, and root out everything else. You can only form the minds of reasoning animals upon facts.
5. Statism and the advocacy of reason are philosophical opposites. They cannot coexist—neither in a philosophic system nor in a nation.
6. What is is. Perceive It. Integrate it. Act on it. Idealize it.
