I love ZARDOZ. He and STEVE SMITH might be favorite parts of this site, although the edit faery is, uh, exciting at times as well. Great advice, oh floating head. Speaking of floating head, they’re finishing my fence today. I got my raft ready, just need to sell my wife on it. Also, I guess there’s something happening on FB that makes people explicitly write, “Me, too.” Which is also a good 2 word summary of the website.
Looks like the Middle East is going back to a round robin war format as Iraqi forces rolled into the area some call… Kurdistan. I have complex ideas about all of that, but I guess “no longer our business” is the position this libertarian would want a government of Libertopia to take.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ CONTINUES TO IDENTIFY ADVICE GIVING BRUTALS, “DEAR ABBY” IN THIS CASE, AND PROVIDE BETTER ADVICE THAN THEM. SURELY THE CHOSEN ONES WILL SEE THE TRUTH OF THIS – SEE “DEAR ABBY” HERE…AND HERE. ZARDOZ’S BETTER ADVICE IS GIVEN TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. GO FORTH AND READ. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
ZARDOZ – CORRECT!“DEAR ABBY” – WRONG
Q:DEAR ABBY: My son and I are very close. He joined the Marine Corps (a decision I fully support) and shipped out recently. I had read on a Marine family site that frequent letters from home are encouraged, so I had letters written even before I got his mailing address. I sent off three letters the day I got his address and another one three days later. They always start off with a supportive declaration (“I’m proud of you. You can do this.”) before moving on to what I hope are amusing anecdotes about what’s going on at home. I avoid topics that would make him homesick. I sign the letter with the initials of my son’s nickname for me. Last night, another family member told me I’m writing too often (that person has written one letter so far, and plans to wait at least a week before sending another). That family member said that the drill instructors and other recruits will notice and label my son a “mama’s boy.” This has caused me significant distress.
Please tell me which is right: the website that recommends frequent letters, or my family member who advocates cutting back drastically?— MOM OF A MARINE
A: ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, MOTHER OF THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATOR. YOUR SON WAS RAISED UP FROM BRUTALITY, TO KILL THE BRUTALS WHO MULTIPLY AND ARE LEGION. TO THIS END, ZARDOZ GAVE HIM THE GIFT OF THE GUN. THE GUN IS GOOD! YOU MUST NOT DISTRACT HIM FROM LEARNING TO CLEANSE BRUTALS. WRITE LESS OFTEN YOU HELICOPTER BRUTAL PARENT. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q:DEAR ABBY: In view of all the recent tragic events, you would do a great service to remind everyone to be careful when donating. A lot of the money that was donated for 9/11 and other tragedies never got to the victims. Unfortunately, when tragedies occur, scammers view them as an opportunity to line their pockets. I’m not sure how to make sure the money gets to the right people, so I haven’t donated at all. Can you help with some information on this? — DIANA IN TEXAS
A: ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, CHARITY GIVING ONE. YOU MUST GIVE DIRECTLY TO THE VORTEX! THE VORTEX PRESERVES THE ETERNALS. IF YOU ARE GIVING CHARITY TO YOUR FELLOW BRUTALS, YOU SHALL BE ENSLAVED TO GROW GRAIN FOR THE VORTEX. THE TABERNACLE IS DISPATCHING BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO YOUR LOCATION. REMAIN THERE! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: DEAR ABBY: My 62-year-old father has recently started to streak his hair with fluorescent colors. He does it when he goes to his job and coordinates his hair color with his outfits. As far as I know, his employer has not said anything as of yet. Also, Dad has difficulty with social cues. My mother and I aren’t happy with his “fashion” choices and we plead with him to stop doing this. It’s embarrassing because it looks stupid and ridiculous. He claims he doesn’t care what others think and that he has flair. Are my mother and I wrong to criticize his “flair”? Isn’t this behavior really inappropriate for a man his age? How can we convince him that he’s making a fool of himself and should stop? Your help is appreciated. — NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL
A: ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS FOOLISH ONE. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE ETERNALS VOTED AGAINST YOUR FATHER – AND HE HAS BEEN AGED BY THEIR POWERS, TO THE POINT OF SENILITY. THIS HAPPENED TO THE ETERNALS GEORGE SADEN AND FRIEND. LET THEIR EXAMPLES BE A WARNING TO YOU – DO NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF THE ETERNALS, LEST YOU BE NEXT! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
I’ve avoided the NFL like the plague on these (virtual) pages for the last few weeks. But I gotta say that Aaron Rodgers injury is killing my FFL team to death. Oh, and just in case you needed a good, hearty belly laugh this morning… Hey dummy, you can’t voluntarily terminate a contract, badmouth your prior employers and their customers, ask them to bring you back at a salary not commensurate with your skill level relative to the market, and then say they’re conspiring to not hire you when it all blows up in your face. Sorry, chump but it doesn’t work that way.
Go Bucks!
In real football, we had a crazy weekend of action. And it all started on Friday night as Clemson fell to lowly Syracuse. And later in the evening, Playa Manhattan’s mighty Cal bears demolished Clemson’s top 10 brethren WSU Cougars. The score of that was 37-3 in case you still don’t have internet, Playa. Well that was just Friday. Saturday brought more top 10 losses as Auburn, who isn’t really very good anyway and is only ranked that high because of hype, went down to the same LSU team that had just lost to Troy a couple weeks ago. And then late in the evening, Washington went into Tempe and lost a nail-biter to Arizona State. TTUN needed overtime to beat Indiana and Penn State looms large for the Wolverines. I predict these Wolverines will go out more like the Jennifer Grey character than the Lea Thompson character from the movie. Anyway, Alabama rolled, Georgia and TCU looked fine, Wisconsin was adequate, Miama squeaked out a win over Georgia Tech with a circus fourth-down catch and a monsoon that killed the Jackets option game. Oklahoma held on against Texas in the Red River game and Ohio State beat Nebraska so bad they’ll likely fire their coach this week. The loss wasn’t as bad as last year’s beatdown, but it was the worst home conference loss the corn shuckers have ever endured. And going back to last year’s game through the late fourth quarter, Ohio State scored on 18 consecutive possessions. And 15 of the scores were touchdowns. How the mighty corn shuckers have fallen.
And in other parts of the world, Man City looks unstoppable, ManUre is too cowardly to play offense and draws Liverpool. Chelsea fall to Crystal Palace (who saw that coming?), Real won while Athletico drew with Barcelona. And Bayern cruised again. Plus Roger Federer continued his recent dominance of Rafael Nadal in Shanghai with his fifth straight win over the Spaniard.
And then we come to baseball. The Dodgers keep putting the thumbscrews to the Cubs by getting to their bullpen. Meanwhile, Joe Maddon’s boys have no answer for the arms of the Angelenos and find themselves in a two game hole heading back to the Windy City. They better get some hats for bats if they’re gonna get this thing turned around. And the same can be said for the Yankees, who likewise are down a pair against the mighty ASTROS!!! in the ALCS. They resume play tonight in the Bronx and will send CC Sabathia to the hill to face Charlie Morton in what has to be considered a must-win game for the pinstripes. Here’s hoping they don’t get it.
Aaaaaand that’s a wrap for sports. Now back to our regularly scheduled program…the links!
Austria gets younger and more conservative at the top
European globalism gets a swift kick in the nuts. Sorry Brussels, they got tired of paying and paying and paying and having no more control over their national economic and immigration policy. Expect the dominos to keep falling with the Czech elections looming.
Just your typical weekend in a very gun-restricted city. But that’s like local news, man. Plus Indiana sells to anybody (untrue)! Plus bump-stocks! Plus greedy manufacturers! Plus capitalism. Plus TRUMPNAZI!!!!!!! Anything but personal responsibility and a complete breakdown in the family structure. Because those are foreign concepts to the progressive shitheads running the place.
The naïveté from NPR is hilariously sad. Yeah, its sure a surprise when a repressive socialist regime sweeps to an election victory. If you’ve been living in a box for the last 70 years maybe.
Remember when Trump said we should let the Iraqis and (mostly) the Russians and Syrians take care of ISIS and the warmongers from Hillary Clinton to John McCain’s brain tumor to Lindsey Graham said that was insane and stupid? Well, it seems to have worked out pretty freaking well. And yes, we did lose a couple soldiers over there, one of which was a very close friend and groomsman for my nephew. But the losses would have been much greater if we’d have listened to those dumbs hits and now we’d be on the hook for reconstructing that wasteland. As an aside, I suppose all those refugees can start heading back from Europe pretty soon. I’m sure they’ll all be happy to head home so they can rebuild their towns and cities back to the bustling centers of industry they were such a short time ago.
STEVE SMITH LOVE FOOTBALL SUNDAYS. PEOPLE IN RVS AND CAMPSITES TOO BUSY WATCHING GAMES TO NOTICE STEVE SMITH APPROACHING. ALSO, AFTER RAPE STEVE SMITH HELP SELF TO GOOD SNACKS THEY HAVE. THIS MAKE STEVE SMITH LIKE GOLDILOCKS OF RAPE.
SO NOW STEVE SMITH GIVE YOU LINKS, SINCE HE HAS ALL CAUGHT UP ON WORK. AND BY CAUGHT UP ON WORK, MEAN RAPE.
STEVE SMITH SEE NATIONALISTS WIN IN AUSTRIA. HE WONDER WHO ELSE RULED AUSTRIA AS NATIONALIST.
STEVE SMITH LIKE NEW TREND. HE READY TO HELP WITH PHOTOS. BY HELP WITH PHOTOS, MEAN RAPE.
STEVE SMITH SHAKE HEAD AT AMATEURS THAT KEEP GETTING REVEALED.
STEVE SMITH THINK HE CAN HELP WITH HELICOPTER PARENTS…OFFER SERVICES TO COLLEGE ADMINISTRATORS. BY OFFER SERVICES, MEAN RAPE ANNOYING PARENTS.
STEVE SMITH GO LOOK FOR MORE FANS WATCHING NIGHT FOOTBALL GAME. NEED MORE SNACKS…AND RAPE.
I am legally obligated to inform you all that I, UnCivilServant, and a straight, white, cismale shitlord as part of a plea deal to avoid public ruination on the charge of transmisogyny. Turns out when your gay Nazi neighbors start talking about their daughter’s upcoming bar mitzvah, you should not ask if the surgeons were required to model a foreskin for later removal. How was I supposed to know there wasn’t going to be any surgery? Anyway, the other half of the plea deal requires furnishing the event with a cake. So that’s what we’ll be baking today.
*sigh*
Now, I don’t know kosher from vegan, so we’re not going to be all that fussy and if anyone notices, it’s their fault for not putting more specifics in the plea text. Since ‘cake’ is a very general term and I’m lazy, we’re going to go with a simple recipe, a basic sponge cake. A sponge cake is in the same family as the pound cake with one very basic difference. Sponge cakes are leavened with baking powder, while pound cakes are unleavened. Other than that it’s the same recipe. Well, it says it right there in the name, pound cakes have their major ingredients measure by weight, and as such so too do sponge cakes. So a kitchen scale is a must before we move on. I know a lot of people don’t bother to get one.
Not really my fault there.
So what do we need?
1/2 pound eggs (usually 4)
1/2 pound butter
1/2 pound flour
1/2 pound sugar
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Oh look, I’ve gone and measured them out for us.
Ready, Get Set, Cook!
That chocolate bar there? Well, that will be turned into a garnish later on. [REDACTED] is a great local chocolate shop. This is just a basic bar of dark chocolate, and we needn’t worry about it right now. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
So we need to start making the cake batter. I’ve already weighed out the sugar into the bowl for my stand mixer. That’s a clue – we start by whipping the butter and sugar together. I am using the whisk attachment for reasons that will become clear later on. After all, the hardest ingredient is the butter, and that should have softened up a bit by the time you’ve weighed everything out. After abusing the sugar and butter, you get something that photographs a lot like mashed potatoes.
Not Potatoes
It’s time to add our eggs. As typical, don’t get the shells in. This may be a grudge cake, but even I have standards. Be sure to scrape the sides often to make sure the butter and sugar mixture gets whisked into the eggs. Butter knife and plastic spatula both work for this – just make sure to stop the mixer before sticking anything that isn’t an ingredient into the bowl.
Once fully integrated, we’ll end up with a uniformity our neighbors might not appreciate.
Scrambled
Return the bowl to the mixer and add small increments of flour, making sure it gets as fully mixed in as possible. Then add our vanilla and baking powder and keep mixing and scraping the sides until you get a uniform mass. Hopefully, you’ll have mixed in some air bubbles. Scoop this into an eight inch baking pan. With a half pound cake base, there will only be enough for one pan. If you’re generous enough to want to make a two layer cake, use a full pound base, double the baking powder and vanilla, and split the batter between two pans. Spread it out to cover the bottom of the pan. I ended up with something like so
Sugar, Fat, Protein and Carbohydrates!
Drop the cake into the oven and set a timer for thirty minutes.
When the timer goes off, we have to conduct the dreaded ‘toothpick test’. I don’t know why people insist on using toothpicks. Not only are knives reusable, but the results are easier to see, and the damage done will not be visible on the finished product.
Anyway, at the half hour mark, the top looked done, but our cake failed the toothpick test.
Underdone
As you can see, there is what looks like batter on the knife we stuck the cake with. So back into the oven it goes. Now it becomes a game of waiting a while, stabbing it again, and if it’s still battery, baking some more.
Here’s what it looked like when the cake was finally done
Done
Don’t worry about those holes in the top of the cake. We’re going to frost it – with buttercream.
Oh the screeching from the neighbors. Pound cakes are so often unfrosted. Oh well, that’s what they get for being nonspecific. We set the cake aside to cool and turn our attention to frosting.
What do we need for a basic chocolate buttercream?
4 cups powdered sugar
2 sticks butter
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1-2 tablespoons milk
Let’s wash up the bowl and whisk attachment we used on the cake. (I never invested in a second bowl for the mixer, silly me). And then dry them off. Cut up the sticks of butter into the bowl and measure out the sugar and cocoa powder. It will form an uninteresting heap of ingredients. see?
It will taste better than it looks when we’re done.
Alternate between slow runs with the mixer and scraping down both the sides of the bowl and the whisk. If you run it too fast, you get powdered sugar flying out of the bowl and it causes a mess. Once it won’t mix any further, start drizzling in a little milk. Until the frosting starts to clump up into a single mass, stay on the lower speeds for the same reason as before. After it gets clumpy, you can increase speed to whip it together. The key part here is to watch the consistency and to add as little liquid as possible to get the desired texture. Eventually you’ll end up with something resembling frosting.
See?
Now we need to wait for the cake to cool off. Ideally it should be at room temperature for the next steps. Why? Because our frosting is made from buttered sugar, and it will melt otherwise. Now, find the bread knife. You should have a bread knife from when we made sandwiches. Hold it parallel to the surface the cake is resting on and slice off the top. We’re not splitting it, we’re making a relatively flat surface. For instance, this:
The closest we come to hat tips.
This is not the surface we’re going to frost. Once we have the top level, we flip the whole darn cake over. There’s a reason for this. The part of the cake in contact with the surface of the pan will be tougher than the interior or top. This happens with all cakes to varying degrees. We’re using the fact to our advantage to make it easier to frost. These surfaces are less prone to tearing when you’re spreading frosting over them. Trying to plaster cake divots with buttercream is less fun than it sounds. So having it not rip is a good thing.
Anyway, frosting a cake is an art – one I have not mastered. I can get it to the point where no one will comment on it at your typical get together. I don’t attend fancy cocktail parties, and if I did, I’d expect them to be catered by professionals. Anyway, after some effort, the cake looked like this
You can’t even tell the cake is upside-down
And so we come back to that bar of dark chocolate in the first picture. It was sitting in my cabinet for over a week, and was very much at room temperature. Room temperature being unfortunately close to eighty. In early October. Curse you unproven pseudo-scientific theories about anthropogenic climatological effects!
Anyway, since it is soft, we can take a simple knife, say the one we tested the cake with, and start shaving curls off the side of the bar. Make sure you have a plate to catch them with, and be careful about the warmth of your hand melting the chocolate. Well, here’s what I mean…
We’re not making a mess, we’re making ‘Art’!
We take those little dark chocolate curls and shavings and distribute them haphazardly over the top of the cake. Dub it “art” and the neighbors will be forced to applaud it. It will bear some resemblance to this here.
I’m busy pre-gaming, hope you’re the same. The rains are tailing off, Da Bears are enjoying the welcoming atmosphere of a city that’s even more fucked up than Chicago, and I have multiple beers lined up, with rum as a standby in case the Ravens decide to be the team they were against Jacksonville.
What amazes me is that anyone is still interested in what this senile has-been has to say. But that’s nothing compared to this bit of amazing irony. Team Blue is apparently determined to see that our current buffoon remains in place for eight years.
Damn, this is all depressing. Let’s have some music. Old people’s music, the kind we used to listen to when we were shooting up marijuana. My band used to cover this and my fingers itched while I was listening.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ MUST BESTOW UPON YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK, SINCE HE HAS RAISED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, TO COMMENT ON THE BRUTALS THAT PLAGUE THE INTERNET AND ALL THE EARTH. HAVING GIVEN YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK…GO FORTH AND COMMENT. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
THIS MUST BE FORBIDDEN! IT WILL DO NOTHING BUT CAUSE PENIC ERECTION! THE PENIS IS EVIL!
THIS BRUTAL IS THE TED KENNEDY OF LAND. HE RECEIVES ZARDOZ’S FORGIVENESS, SINCE HE IS CLEANSING THE EARTH OF OTHER BRUTALS. ZARDOZ WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY OTHER BRUTALS MIGHT NOT BE SO FORGIVING.
FAILED BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. ZARDOZ WILL NOT BE CHOOSING FROM THEIR RANKS.
HOWEVER, ZARDOZ MAY RECRUIT THIS BRUTAL. HE SHOWS ORGANIZATIONAL TALENT ZARDOZ HAS NOT SEEN SINCE THE EXTERMINATOR ZED.
NY Giants @ Denver– hoo boy, this is gonna be ugly
LA Chargers @ Oakland – Chargers win two straight
The NFL’s highest-rated passer on the league’s only undefeated team? Yeah, Alex Smith would undoubtedly win the NFL MVP if the season ended today. It takes an act of Congress, if not the Almighty himself, to have the AP vote for a non-QB to win the MVP. Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, and Carson Wentz are other QBs in the hunt for the award. Maybe the best non-QB in the league is Smith’s rookie teammate Kareem Hunt; Hunt has a league-leading 609 rushing yards on 6.3 yards per carry. He’s second in the league with 6 rushing plus receiving TDs, and he also leads the league in total yards from scrimmage. Todd Gurley and Leonard Fournette are also playing at an All-Pro level at RB.
We’ve already discussed the top QBs and RBs in the game so far this season; wide receiver is always harder to evaluate. Some seasons, a safety valve RB or TE finishes high on the receptions list, but is 95 catches for 850 yards more valuable than 80 catches for 1100? Is 1400 yards with 6 TDs better than 1200 yards and 10 TDs? Is yards per reception as meaningful as yards per carry for running back? It seems not; in a typical season, most of the YPR leaders aren’t making the All-Pro teams. (For example: the four All-Pro WR in 2016 were Julio Jones, Antonio Brown, Mike Evans, and Odell Beckham; only Jones was in the top ten in YPR) All that said, it looks like Antonio Brown is the man at WR, leading the league in receptions and yards. (OTOH, he only has one TD on the season). After a banged-up 2016, AJ Green is back in form and back among the elite. DeAndre Hopkins is also putting up big numbers.
AFC SOUTH
Cleveland @ Houston
LA Rams @ Jacksonville – Rams fall to second straight tough D
Indianapolis @ Tennessee – This weeks upset special
Granted, DeShaun Watson has barely started his career, but he is one of only seven QBs with a passer rating (100.7) of 100+. The others: Alex Smith, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Kirk Cousins, Aaron Rodgers, andDerek Carr.
AFC EAST
New England @ NY Jets – All good things, Jets…all good things
Time to give Tom Brady the credit he deserves. I say it that way because I don’t think he deserves to be known as the best QB ever. Super Bowls are a function of team success, and if we’re going to hand out individual accolades for team success, then why would Brady’s 5-2 SB record beat Joe Montana’s 4-0? Montana’s four appearances came in an era where there was no salary cap and the competition in his conference was extremely strong. Bill Parcells’ Giants, Joe Gibbs’ Redskins, Mike Ditka’s Bears…it was a fantastic accomplishment just to get out of conference in those years. And if Tom Brady is the best, what does that make Eli Manning? Eli is 2-0 against Brady in SB play.
But here’s what Brady does deserve credit for: competitive poise. One of the reasons the Patriots have been so hard to beat for so long is that Tom Brady really, truly, absolutely keeps playing until the end. A lot of players in sports talk about not quitting, about playing hard for 60 minutes, but Brady really does. One game that stands out in my memory is the AFC Championship a couple of years ago, Patriots at Broncos. The Broncos won the SB that year with a punishing defense, and they made Brady look bad in that game. (27-56 310 yds, 1 TD, 2 INT, 4 times sacked) However, in the end, Brady drove the Patriots down the field needing a touchdown and 2-point conversion to tie the game. He managed the TD, but not the conversion. The Pats lost by two points. On the road, on a day when things aren’t going your way against a fierce defense, Brady gave his team a chance. He may not be the best QB of all time, but damn if that bastard doesn’t give his team a chance in every game he plays. There’s not an ounce of quit in the guy.
NFC WEST
Tampa Bay @ Arizona – Arizona continues slide despite addition of has-been
LA Rams @ Jacksonville
San Francisco @ Washington – The Skins are at home and they’re good
This is the most difficult division to write about, so I won’t.
NFC NORTH
Detroit @ New Orleans – New Orleans seems to be gaining strength week-to-week
Chicago @ Baltimore
Green Bay @ Minnesota – Pack rolls on
The best teams in the NFL, by winning percentage:
Kansas City 5-0 (1.000)
Philadelphia 5-1 (.833)
Green Bay 4-1 (.800)
Atlanta 3-1 (.750)
Denver 3-1 (.750)
When the dust settles on the 2017 season, Green Bay might end up with a record as good as, or better than, anyone on this list. Kansas City and Denver have to square off twice. Philadelphia has Dallas and Washington in their division. And Atlanta has yet to play the kind of football they showed a year ago – Matt Ryan in particular is off to a bad start. Green Bay’s toughest division opponent is the plucky but second-tier Detroit Lions. If half their team wasn’t getting hurt every week, I’d be tempted to pencil Green Bay in at one of the top two NFC playoff seeds right now.
NFC SOUTH
Philadelphia 28 @ Carolina 23 (F – 10/12)
Detroit @ New Orleans
Miami @ Atlanta
Tampa Bay @ Arizona
Just when Carolina puts up solid back-to-back wins and starts to look more like their 2015 selves, they drop a home game. Granted, the Eagles are a very good squad – they may even reach the Super Bowl. Carson Wentz is ahead of schedule in his development. But why is Cam Newton the only man in Carolina’s backfield averaging over three yards per carry? Why was Christian McCaffery so highly regarded when it seems all he can do is catch little four-and-five yard dumpoffs? How can their defense be so dependent on Luke Kuechly? This really is Judge Napolitano, isn’t it?
Cam Newton’s career so far feels a bit like John Elway‘s up to this point. Which is good news for Newton if he gets a Terrell Davis sometime in the future.
The Cowboys have already lost as many games this season as they did all last season. Between their secondary issues and the Zeke Elliott news, this is quite a good bye. I can’t imagine a better time for one. At least one man disagrees.
This is my review of Tank #7 Farmhouse Ale, by Boulevard Brewing Company.
Here is my mistake. I mentioned in passing what I will be reviewing next and somebody tells me there is a standard to these things that I am overlooking.
*pours beer down the sink*
Okay, fine. They didn’t have it at the Fry’s I shop at that used to be Smitty’s, therefore it’s the ULTIMATE FRY’S. I instead went to BevMo–no dice. Finally, I found it at Total Wine, which was the last bottle they had on the shelf.
This is my review of Saison Dupont Brasserie. Hat Tip: Nephilium.
Holy shit. This almost costs $14, including the $1.39 worth of state legitimized theft levied on beer, wine and spirits. This reminds me of the time I was shopping for a new vehicle and I checked out the Toyota Tacoma. For what Toyota charges people for the privilege of being labeled tough enough to drive a Taco; in comparison to some of its competitors in the light truck market it better be an amazing truck. By golly, the Taco it is an amazing truck. Is it amazing enough to justify buying it over a comparably priced, but used full sized? Saison Dupont reminds me of this quandary. It is expertly crafted, has a lot of body which is evident in the way the foam coats the inside of the glass. It is bottle conditioned and continuously fermented, which is why it is sealed with a cork similar to the ones used to bottle champagne. The smell is reminiscent of a crisp summer evening in the countryside, in a place where the pavement will not burn your bare feet.
Why is it called Saison? Those of you that speak French will probably tell me the word itself means season. This is indeed true; Belgians like the Germans and nearly every other traditional beer culture adopted the practice of brewing beer seasonally in the time before refrigeration. Part of the reason it is typically done in the colder months is that small insects hibernate and won’t infest the wort. The other part is consistency in temperature. Germans took this to another level in developing lagers, which is not nearly as resistant to temperature fluctuations as most ale, by brewing underground. This is not why it’s called Saison.
It was explained to me once the reason lunch is dinner and dinner is supper in the Midwest is due to the type of meal that a farm hand might have. If one sits down for a large midday meal at a table it is more likely to be referred to as dinner. This is how they referred to it in the dining facility at the Air Force base I was stationed at in South Carolina. Typically, the meal was large as I was hungry at the time since I last ate around 0400 so that I can complete the airfield lighting check prior to the start of the ops day. Lunch on the other hand, is often a much smaller meal. When I think of lunch today, I am normally sitting at my desk munching on something small. Be it a sandwich, or salad for example, the intent is to simply keep me going until the end of the day. It is this type of meal that Midwesterners might refer to as lunch, just something small they can provide a farm hand that they won’t have to worry about their workers going hungry*. Back in the day, Belgian farmers would provide beer to their farm hands, known as Saisonniers, with this type of beer in part as a meal replacement but also because one gets rather thirsty when working in the fields. This explains why it is often called Farmhouse Ale.
*I realize this might be the most controversial statement I make in this entire article, but this is how it was explained to me.
Like I said before, it is expertly crafted with a lot of body in the traditional manner that defines the style. It has a thick texture with a heavy citrus aftertaste. To make this even more confusing, it is highly carbonated but it dissipates in the glass (foam) leaving a pleasant aroma and does not leave you feeling bloated. Like most beers of this type, you must be into it to like it. Wheat beers in general have a polarizing effect on people and not everybody is into it. If you are, you will certainly appreciate its charms but perhaps will not appreciate its price tag. Saison Dupont Brasserie 4.0/5.
If Brasserie is the master, Boulevard is its apprentice. Like many American Brewers, they are quite adept at creating a worthy copy. Often the argument against the craft industry is that they can never make the traditional ales made in Europe. Is it the same? No, it’s not a carbon copy, and that isn’t the point, but it certainly holds its own given the more affordable price tag. Boulevard Brewing Co. (Kansas City), Tank #7 Farmhouse Ale 3.9/5.
In honor of the NL Wild Card, I picked up this one I never heard of as—a wild card.
This one is not terrible. Considering the fact that I turn into an emotional wreck watching playoff baseball, particularly when it is my team…I might have to try this one again. I was hardly objective at the time… There is less body than expected and it is a little more sour than many would like but it is not bad. It is not one to go toe to toe with a traditional European product but it does what it does well. Prairie Artisan Ales Merica Farmhouse Ale 3.0/5
A word on fruit
This is a libertarian website, it is in this spirit that I say that if you add a slice of orange to this type of beer, so be it. To call that apostasy would make me no different than those pushing a social campaign that insists men ignore their natural preferences for women and accept them as is–i.e. real men like women that_______ or with_______. This is hogwash; real men like whatever the fuck they want. If you like Belgian farm girls picking strawberries, go right ahead.
You can only pick one!So choose wisely
If you like female Belgian soldiers…You might have issues, but go for it.
If you want to add an orange because you like it, because it makes you happy, I am not going to say you are wrong. I will not say that you should not add fruit to your beer and you may as well go to Morton’s and ask for ketchup with your steak. It’s an immoral stance to take and I will not entertain an argument to the contrary. Do what you like.
Having said that, this is a libertarian website and since I have been graciously provided a platform for free speech I will state my personal opinion: if you add orange to a well-crafted Saison–you are wrong. Go wash your mouth with a revolver.
Good morning, all you happy people! I’ve been sparse of late, having spent a week with a houseful of guests, then another week catching up with work, where all is chaos. But sad to say, I’m back, so are weekend links, and there will even be a Return To Jewsday. Let’s see how fucking crazy everything is:
Here’s a story that gets weirder and weirder. Or perhaps not- maybe it’s heading where we all knew it would. Whatever, everyone involved is worthy of hate. It’s too bad that these people have spawned and added their contribution to the human gene pool.
The steepness of the pyramid increases, as inevitably does the onset of the day of reckoning. I have my own idea of the solution, but it’s ideas like that which keep me from ever having politics as a career.
Stories like this make me unaccountably happy. This confirms the suspicion that I am fundamentally not a nice person.
Here’s some superb viewing if you enjoy watching insufferable academics get their asses handed to them. Charles Cooke is the best argument I have about the value of immigration to our country.
As bad as Chicago is, we really don’t have many incidents like this happening at our sports events. I can wear an Orioles hat to a Cubs game or a Ravens cap to a Bears game, and the worst that will happen is some good-natured ribbing. We’ll see what happens when I wear my Ravens gear at Lambeau, but I suspect it will be much the same- people here are fanatic about their sports, but totally cool about “outsiders.” Unless you wear a Packers shirt, in which case, expect to be shot. But that’s only reasonable.
When I put my Giant Meteor 2016 bumper sticker on during the last election, I got a lot of honking and thumbs-ups from other drivers. They’ll be delighted to know that, despite not winning, he’s not done yet.
Oh, and delightfully, the Steinbrenners lost last night, with my personal highlight being a demonstration of Gonzalez’s future as a pitcher- that throw to the plate from left field was not only dead accurate, but clocked in at 94 mph. The only thing better would have been something like the two run strikeout play that the Cubs pulled on Thursday.
And for this week’s Music That Y’all Ignore, one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands from my youth. I saw these guys live twice and have to admit that I only retain bits of memory from the occasions. I attribute that to the methaqualone and THC that of course I would never ever have ingested as a teenager. Nossiree, I was a clean kid who said Nope To Dope and Ugh To Drugs.
This is my review of Tank #7 Farmhouse Ale, by Boulevard Brewing Company.
This is my review of Saison Dupont Brasserie. Hat Tip: Nephilium.
