I just wanted to hang up a post for people to catch up on hurricane/storm related things – need any help, offer any help, etc.
Also, I just wanted to put a couple of links in on Catalonia – following the post I had written last week.
And, of course, bat anything around you want until Zardoz or STEVE SMITH come around later with the links.
Well, we almost have the house back in order after the Friday Night chaos. The dog has settled down now that she doesn’t have bacon-magic to bark at (BTW, he gave me a piece of silver as a souvenir, he now owes me 29 more). We’re down to only three house guests. I can actually read the news. And it ain’t pretty, much like me in my tighty-whities.
A couple dozen marginal guys attract hundreds of the press and counter-protesters. Mayor wets pants and tries to find loopholes in the First Amendment. This is getting all too predictable. I guess people really, really need bogeymen to give meaning to their dull and pitiful lives.
This sort of thing is becoming a daily event in England. My theory: they’re all driving on the wrong goddamn side of the street.
Mystery cleared up: drunk chick locked herself into a freezer. People still blame racism.
Speaking of Chicago news, this is the sort of thing that makes us the great city that we are. I’m sure that this was racism as well.
Is this going to be the next panic for the US? I hope nobody don die.
Some things are just too weird for description. Talk about schizophrenia!
And because I love all of you, I leave you with this musical selection:
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. WHILE APPRECIATING THE POSSIBILITY OF HAVING A MASSIVE STORM CLEANSE A LARGE AREA OF BRUTALS, ZARDOZ PREFERS A MORE….PERSONAL APPROACH.
ZARDOZ WILL GIVE HIS CHOSEN ONES THE GIFT OF THE LINK, SO THEY MAY CONTINUE ON WITH THEIR LIVES, SERVING ZARDOZ!
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
It looks like Nate is going to get big and ugly. Putting this here for people to check in and/or let us know what you need overnight and into the morning. Stay safe, Glibs. Let us know if we can help.
Remember when NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was more than just Mr. Jane Skinner? When he ruled the NFL with an iron fist? I can still remember where I was when Sean Taylor was murdered in bed during a home invasion and Goodell fined his family $50,000. Maybe I’m a little off on details, but damn, where did that guy go? You would think that during an age of CTE and kneeling players and franchises jitterbugging up and down the California coast, ol’ Give ‘Em Hell Goodell would have stepped on a landmine or two for the league’s sake. Make himself the story to distract the press from all the other unpleasant business. Not this new-and-improved Roger. Right about the time the league needs a Trumpian commissioner, they’ve got an Obama-esque “Who, me?” figurehead running things now. “I read about the player protests in the Monday morning papers, same way all of you did.”
Whatever. The Chiefs are 4-0 after a stiff challenge by the visiting Redskins. The Rams are an impressive 6-10 team, DeShawn Watson is the greatest Houston quarterback since JJ Watt, and there is no sugarcoating it: The Raiders won’t be building on last season’s success this year. To the ScheduleMobile!
AFC WEST
Kansas City @ Houston – Wherein the legend of DeShawn Watson grows…
Baltimore @ Oakland – Life without Carr’s gonna suck
LA Chargers @ NY Giants – The Resistable Force meets the Movable Object
Denver – Bye
If the Chiefs are a paper tiger, it’s apparent that it won’t be a division opponent exposing them. The Broncos appear to be one of those rare teams that are imbalanced in favor of the defensive side of the ball, like the 85 Bears, 00 Ravens, or 13 Seahawks. But you’ve got to have, at minimum, a caretaker-game manager QB whose main job is to not screw things up. Only six QBs have thrown more INTs than Trevor Simian so far. If he can’t straighten things out, The Broncs have Brock Ostweiler waiting in the wings. (Gives the phrase “QB Depth Chart” a whole new meaning, no?) Meanwhile, in Oakland, Derek Carr has a broken back which figures to hamper his mobility in the pocket. Was it because his O-line let him get decked over the Anthem Protests? If it is, I love the logic: Because I hate Trump, I’m going to do whatever I can to ruin our Super Bowl chances. And the Los Angeles Chargers are off to a fast start in the Josh Rosen/Sam Darnold draft sweepstakes. (Theory: a bureaucrat once fused the middle initial D with the last name Arnold generations ago and the family just went with it)
This is all disappointing. After the season the AFC West had last year, this year looks like the worst sequel to a hit since City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold. I mean, KC finishes well ahead of Denver, Denver goes like 9-7, the Raiders backsliding and the Chargers tanking. Sound about right? Not exactly the photo finish of last year, is it?
AFC NORTH
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh – Only because they’re the home team
Baltimore @ Oakland
NY Jets @ Cleveland – Okay, THIS is the week Cleveland finally wins
Buffalo @ Cincinnati – Hate to do it, but neither team is as good or bad as their record
OMWC hasn’t been this distraught since the crossing guards started wearing bodycams. His beloved Baltimore Ravens just ain’t worth a damn. Yes, they are 2-2; do wins over Cleveland and Cincinnati even count? They’ve scored 16 points in their last two games. Not “averaged”, total. Joe Flacco, the Ravens quarterback known nationally as “Joe Flacco”, was once the subject of a fairly heated debate a few years back. The question then: Is Joe Flacco an elite QB? This is Flacco’s 10th season. His current QB rating is 65.0, career 84. He’s only gone over 90 twice. His TD/INT ratio is 186/123. At this point, it’s pretty clear that Flacco is not an elite QB. Meanwhile, the Pittsburgh Steelers sit atop this pile o’crud with STEVE SMITH still under center, Mikar Epplin at head coach (they’ve merged into a single entity by now), and Odell Beckham, Sr. as the star wideout. I’m tempted to predict losses for all four teams every week for the rest of the year, even in division games.
AFC SOUTH
Kansas City @ Houston
Tennessee @ Miami – Chris Gaines had a better comeback than Jay Cutler’s having
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh
San Francisco @ Indianapolis – Must miss TV
SETTING: Deep in the BOWELS of HOUSTON TEXANS corporate HQ, February 2017
BOB MCNAIR: Flunky!!
FLUNKY (rushes in): Y-yes, sir!?
BOB MCNAIR: Flunky, I’m an NFL owner. My team is in the same state as the world-famous Dallas Cowboys, the five-time Super Bowl champions. Do you realize what that makes us? A laughingstock. Every year at the owner’s meetings, those guys really give me the business. Ya know what that’s like?
FLUNKY: Sir, I live out of my car. I sleep in the stadium parking lot.
BOB MCNAIR: Getting a jump on tailgating, eh, Flunky? That’s good thinking. Anyway, those damn Cowboys always have the leg up on us: five Super Bowls, household name, the big stadium…Mrs. Jones is so…ravishing…
FLUNKY: Sir?
BOB MCNAIR (snaps out of it) Flunky, the Cowboys got this Dakota Fanning character out of Buttfuck, Kansas and won thirteen games with him. He’s young. He’s exciting. He’s Afro-American. We got lots of those people here in Houston – I want a colored quarterback too if Dallas got one!
FLUNKY: Afro-American? Those people? Colored?
BOB MCNAIR: Yeah?
FLUNKY: It’s just so…hacky, making the incompetent boob a racist.
F. STUPIDITY, JR.: Look, I watch the late-night talk shows. This is comedy gold, believe me.
BOB MCNAIR: I am not a racist!
FLUNKY: Sir, even if we draft a black QB, even if he projects as good or better than Prescott, we don’t have that offensive line. We don’t have Ezekiel Elliott running the ball.
BOB MCNAIR: Look, we’ll take that kid out of Clemson. He damn near beat Alabama twice, he’ll do fine with us. When have I ever steered us wrong?
FLUNKY: What about-
BOB MCNAIR: Besides Ostweiler??
***
AFC EAST
New England 19 @ Tampa Bay 14 (F – 10/5)
Buffalo @ Cincinnati
Tennessee @ Miami
NY Jets @ Cleveland
Go Bills! That was the team of my youth, right there…Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed, and the greatest of them all, Bruce Smith. Those guys were awesome. Yes, they lost four Super Bowls in a row, but they’re the only franchise to get to four in a row, and they only should have won one of those games. The second game against the Cowboys was winnable, but they went to pieces after the Thurman Thomas fumble. Oh well. Maybe this is the year the longest current playoff drought in the NFL comes to an end!?
NFC WEST
San Francisco @ Indianapolis
Seattle @ LA Rams – Rams come back to Earth a bit
Arizona @ Philadelphia – BIRD FIGHT!!
1) The LA Rams have been a surprise.
2) Surprises are not known to be long-term things.
NFC NORTH
Carolina @ Detroit – building on last week’s big win
Minnesota @ Chicago – The Bears have already won their game this year
Green Bay @ Dallas – the dreaded Sophmore Slump is in effect
So about a year ago, the Detroit Lions revealed that they would not only be changing uniforms soon, they might even choose a new color scheme that didn’t involve Honolulu Blue. And it didn’t – the Lions have a new blue.
Two things annoy me about the new unis. 1) Silver numbers? Silver doesn’t exactly pop against blue the way white does. I know there’s always a temptation to do things differently, to have your brand stand out in some way, but silver-on-blue is just trying too hard. Granted, not this hard.
2) Why change the font again? For a very long time, every team but the Chicago Bears wore jerseys featuring some variation of the varsity font. Then, in the 90’s, a lot of teams figured out that it might help branding to create a team-specific font. It was a little jarring in some cases, but such a big change was reasonable from a business standpoint. I just can’t figure why you’d create a new font, build that brand, and start again. The Cowboys went from Varsity to Family Guy Varsity some 30 years ago and haven’t changed. The Steelers haven’t changed in decades since leaving Varsity behind. There’s plenty of scope for variety even when you leave some elements intact. Besides, if you change fonts too frequently, something like this could happen.
NFC SOUTH
New England 19 @ Tampa Bay 14 (F – 10/5)
Carolina @ Detroit
Atlanta, New Orleans – Bye
Carolina winning in New England and the Falcons and Atlanta losing at home to the Bills – Go Bills! – is basically the NFC in microcosm. Almost anyone can win the NFC this year. I’m on record in saying that Seattle has lost a step, but the way the rest of the conference is playing they may end up back in the Super Bowl after all. No, I’m not backtracking. If they were to win enough games to earn a bye and get enough breaks over two games, they could still do it. The most likely outcome is the one that happened last year: a good team gets hot and plays their best football just as the playoffs start up. There’s no NFC team that’s going to go in 15-1, 14-2 this year. 12-4 will probably be good enough for two home games this year.
NFC EAST
LA Chargers @ NY Giants
Green Bay @ Dallas
Arizona @ Philadelphia
Washington – Bye
Ezekiel Elliott averaged 5.1 yards per carry a year ago as a rookie; through four games this season, he’s at 3.6 YPC. And he’s got bruised ribs. Maybe the Cowboys might want to reconsider appealing his suspension? A little R&R, let those ribs get right…he’ll be a lot fresher in December. Just putting that out there.
PICKS
Week 3: 9-6
Week 4: 6-9
TOTAL: 15-15
This is my review of Fat Jack Double Pumpkin Ale, by Sam Adams.
Let’s get this out of the way right now. Yes, it will get you drunk. TW: This goes on for over two minutes.
Pumpkin Ale suffers from the indignity of being associated with hipster culture in that it only seems to come out at the time of year where everyone and everything gets excited for all things pumpkin. Pumpkin cider, pumpkin parfaits, pumpkin cookies ….
….even pumpkin spice M&Ms. It’s to the point where one can trigger an emotional response by telling a 28 year old woman in vintage glasses, a turtleneck sweater and wool scarf that she lives in Arizona, it is 96 degrees, there is no reason to dress like that and there is no reason for me to give two shits about your pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin ale however, I think is unfair to associate with these people to some degree.
Pumpkins, like chocolate, corn, potatoes, and beans are indigenous to the Americas and like the other food mentioned was traded around the globe as a result of the Columbian exchange. Native Americans initially ate only the seeds, because that was the only palatable part. Later varieties were cultivated so that the flesh could also be consumed. This became a staple in the diet of many native cultures, as indicated by the number of European explorers that wrote about pumpkins and the distance between the parts of North America they explored. Jacques Cartier in Canada, to Alvar Nuñez Cabeza De Vaca in Florida, and John Smith in Virginia all wrote about the abundance of the gourds. At the beginning of the colonial period, settlers were unable to grow the same type of crops they could grow in Europe, therefore is should be no surprise pumpkin became a staple of these early settlers. If you want to know more about Pumpkins, click here.
Beer/ale at the time was a necessity because the fermentation process made water potable, this has been true since the medieval period. Being that there was at first, no barley to make it the colonists had to make due with something to make water drinkable and help them forget they were probably going to die during the winter—guess what happened to be around in great quantity? Pumpkin ale fell out of favor after the civil war and cultivation made it more lucrative for farmers to supply a decorative element that rots on my porch overnight after the 1970s. It was only a recent development that everybody with the means could put the stuff to market as part of the annual hipster pumpkin craze. In other words, this is something those snooty, technocratic, Euro-weenies cannot claim because it is a uniquely American beverage with unique American heritage. Europe can go suck it.
Modern Pumpkin Ale comes in two types: The type that wants to be a severely over-spiced, gluten-free Dunkel and the other that wants to be liquid pumpkin pie. Fat Jack is the former. It comes at over 8% ABV so it is prudent you operate machinery or firearms while drinking this. It is also handy to have around when Carson Palmer wants to embarrass himself by muffing the snap in an attempt to come back in the 4th quarter. Way to go dumbass, it’s now 3rd & 20 and my only solace is a thick, hearty ale, with a flavor heavily influenced by ginger, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, ginger, allspice and ginger. Did I mention Ginger?
In fairness, they had to balance out the pumpkin somehow and with the high ABV, there is a lot of pumpkin in there. This one is still pretty good but is not one to chug. 3.5/5
If you are looking more towards the liquid pumpkin pie end of the spectrum, a good example is Elysian Night Owl Pumpkin Ale.
Same spices as Fat Jack, just not as intense, and a much lighter ale with less body as you can probably discern from what is indeed my photo. It has a faint, pumpkin bitterness in the back which is kind of nice. 3.8/5
This one is absolutely amazing. Last time I had it in Colorado the guy at the liquor store asked that I not purchase more than 2 packs of it at a time. The reason is because he typically sold out of it within the day. This has a faint vanilla along with the usual pumpkin spices, so it actually tastes like pumpkin pie, like the kind your mom made. If you happen to be in Colorado, and you happen to come across a liquor store in the fall pick some up, cowboy. 4.5/5
SP and I are a bit damaged from the party we had here last night. And one of the highlights was a buddy of mine grabbing a saw and a violin bow, then playing “Over The Rainbow” to the crowd. Swiss Servator discovered alcoholic beverages labeled Southern Tier, bacon magic got fried, webdominatrix was a bit tied up, SP showed everyone her Ninja Go vibrator, and magically, I was able to find my pants this morning despite the kids trying to hide them and make an escape. It is the sheer triumph of will that allows me to do these links, because my head hurts and won’t someone answer the goddam phone?
On to the news.
There is of course the fabricated outrage over an announcement that a purely symbolic change in the Obamacare mandates might result in Sandra Fluke having to buy her own condoms. Which is silly on two levels, the first being that the change affects almost no-one, the second being that her personality should be sufficient. And in related news, this kind of thing is why I tore up my ACLU card some years ago.
Admit it, who among us hasn’t had this happen?
There but for the grace of Yahweh goes me.
Fabulously stupid idea, which was a transparent money grab couched in insufferable moral excuses, will be ended.
While Preckwinkle (the tax’s creator and
paid off goonadvocate) did not have a comment Friday, in her budget address she warned commissioners of 11 percent across-the-board cuts if they chose to repeal the tax.“Those sort of reductions could substantially impact the services provided by the public defender’s office and the state’s attorney,” Preckwinkle said Thursday.
“That is bologna, quite frankly. There are a lot of ways we could cut,” Cook County Commissioner Sean Morrison countered.
Dork vs. Dweeb Wars continue. Money quote:
The statement claims free speech has been “used as a dog whistle for the protection of white supremacist violence in the University of California system and elsewhere.”
You don’t think this could be a publicity stunt? Nah, that would be cynical.
I may have to reconsider my general dislike for fast food.
And in case you think I was joking about the saw, this is actual footage from the party last night:
STEVE SMITH HAVE GOOD WEEK – TOUR BUS STOPPED BY WOODS, EVERYONE GOT OUT TO TAKE PICTURES. STEVE SMITH GAVE SOMETHING TO SEE. AND BY GAVE SOMETHING TO SEE, MEANS RAPED EVERYONE. AND RAPED BUS FOR EXTRA FUN. STEVE SMITH HOPE “NORTHWEST WOODS TOURS, INC” COME BY AGAIN. IT LIKE HAVING AMAZON PRIME DELIVERY OF RAPE.
SO NOW STEVE SMITH HAPPY, HE GIVE LINKS TO GLIB PEOPLE TO MAKE THEM HAPPY.
Somehow, Dallas Keuchal, who doesn’t throw strikeouts, and didn’t throw nearly enough strikes in the first two innings, is living by the K right now. Astros are continuing to treat the first inning like BP, with Correa going yard early. Springer gets one, too. If the kids keep hitting, the curse is lifted. Throwing away bases loaded though. Damn.
One last reminder to our Gulf Coast Glibs. If Nate is going to be a problem for you, reach out in the comments or via email to submit@glibertarians.com and let’s help each other.
Evil WMAs are already posting militant videos showing how to get around the coming bump stock ban because they hate America and are terrorists who don’t vote for the Right People.
I agree with this. Don’t short Tesla. “The market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent.” Someone will make a killing shorting Tesla. Many will just lose good money.
Half of all new cancer drugs approved by the Europeans had no net benefit. Me: So? Importantly, in a fair number of cases there were some real wins, just not enough to be statistically meaningful. If I’ve got stage IV cancer, give me that thing that saves some people, but fewer than 5%.
The Jerusalem Post names daughter and son-in-law of the biggest Nazi since Hitler as the World’s #1 Jewish Power Couple.
I’m going to bow down to Sloopy in the white boy Funk-off. I had to end the week with this one because damn was the cocaine good in the 70s.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ GREW BORED OF BATTING “DEAR PRUDENCE” AROUND LIKE A BRUTAL IN THE MIDDLE OF A PACK OF EXTERMINATORS. THEREFORE, ZARDOZ HAS CHOSEN A NEW ADVICE ADVERSARY, “ASK AMY“. OF COURSE, ZARDOZ PROVIDES THE BETTER ADVICE, THAT THE CHOSEN ONES SHOULD FOLLOW. CHOSEN ONES, SEE FOR YOURSELVES.
Q: My husband and I are getting divorced as a result of his longtime physical and emotional love affair with someone else, coupled with other random physical/sexual encounters throughout our marriage. We have a close-knit circle of friends who will be surprised that we’re splitting up. Without bad-mouthing my husband, when asked I would like to speak “my truth” about our divorce to our friends, especially the wives with whom I am very close. I definitely have not been the perfect wife; for instance, we have three kids (ages 13, 15, 17), and I didn’t always prioritize my husband and our relationship over the children. By the same token, I have never cheated on him, physically or emotionally, and I never would. Is it OK to speak frankly, but in a factual and nonjudgmental way, about what happened? Or do I owe my husband some sort of privacy or respect and therefore must speak vague platitudes, such as “We grew apart” or “We wanted different things”?
— What May I Say?
A: YOU HAVE ALREADY FAILED ZARDOZ! YOU HAVE MADE NEW LIFE TO POISON THE EARTH WITH A PLAGUE OF MEN. YOU MUST EXPLAIN TO YOUR BRUTAL FRIENDS THAT YOU WILL NOT GO TO SECOND LEVEL MEDITATION WITH THEM, AND THEN GO AND USE THE GIFT OF THE GUN TO SHOOT DEATH AT YOUR “HUSBAND”. GO FORTH AND KILL! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: Like “Nonhugger,” I don’t like to hug a lot of people. My wife tells me I have to do it, or others will feel slighted. My daughter-in-law has accepted that I say, “Let’s have the awkward hug,” when I welcome her. She has started to laugh about it as just part of our relationship. My oldest son makes a joke out of it as he embraces me in a man-hug. My other sons know the drill, but don’t doubt my love for them.
— Not a Hugger
A: BRUTAL, YOU TOO HAVE FAILED ZARDOZ! YOU MUST NOT TOUCH THE OTHER BRUTALS – YOU HAVE ALREADY FAILED, SINCE YOU HAVE “SONS”. YOU MUST PUT YOURSELF IN THE MINDSET OF THE EXTERMINATOR ZED – “I love to see them running. I love the moments of their deaths – when I am one with Zardoz.” AND YOU MUST CLEANSE YOUR FAMILY, ALL OF THEM! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q: I am a young woman on staff at a small nonprofit organization focused on elementary school children. Our executive director, a much older man, is very nice and well-intentioned but continues to make inappropriate clothing choices for his body type. He is single and lives alone, so he has no one at home to tell him that his shirts are much too small and that the bottom of his rotund belly is constantly exposed. This makes everyone on our board and staff visibly uncomfortable. Our staff has discussed the issue, and one colleague informed him that he needs to be wearing different shirts around our young visitors. Unfortunately, the advice did not stick, and he has returned to wearing the same old ill-fitting shirts around town and to work events. I feel my approaching him would embarrass him more than if one of my older or perhaps male colleagues took him aside. Is there a good way for one of us to gently suggest he go shopping for clothing that fits?
— Don’t Look Down
A: YOU HAVE BEEN RAISED UP FROM BRUTALITY, TO KILL BRUTALS SUCH AS THIS POT BELLIED BRUTAL. TO THIS END, ZARDOZ YOUR GOD GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE GUN. THE GUN IS GOOD! YOU MUST POINT A WEBLEY-FOSBERY REVOLVER AT THE FAT BRUTAL, AND CLEANSE HIM, IF HIS ATTIRE IS INAPPROPRIATE. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.