Glibertarians.com 2017 Archive

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  • Sunday Morning Holy Day Links

    Because it’s Sunday, the Candy household is battening down the hatches and preparing for a football marathon. SP has her cheesehead hat ready, OMWC has his Ravens toque and pillow, and webdominatrix is rolling her eyes and making preparations to spend her day elsewhere. Cooking and drinking to commence shortly. Here’s the ones we’re watching: I’m predicting Ravens over the Browns, 112-0, because apparently you can’t get negative points in a football game. Denver-Dallas is one of those games where I want them both to lose, so it’s an absolute hate-watch. Green Bay-Atlanta ought to be a terrific game if they both show up.

     

    On to today’s news. One of the few things planned by the Trump administration which I could heartily support is the withdrawal from the Paris Climate Accords (which, in usual political dishonesty, by its name assumes the answer). Then suddenly, it was announced that the US was staying in. Then it was announced the the US is still getting out, “unless we can re-enter on terms more favorable to our country.” If part of the art of the deal is seeming like everything is in total confusion, well, this must be it. And there ARE no favorable terms to a political document that masquerades as science. It just needs to be taken behind the barn and beaten to death with an ax.

    In the Equifax brouhaha, two executives announced their “retirements.” The terms of the golden parachutes were not announced, but when they are, OMWC predicts many commas in the numbers. Only the police unions take care of their own as well.  One annoying thing about much of the news coverage is the sneering credentialism regarding the Chief Security Officer. “He doesn’t even have a DEGREE in security!” Well, no, but he’s a fuckup because he’s a fuckup, not because of the presence or absence of a piece of paper with a ribbon and seal on it. I always think of the Wizard of Oz at times like this.

    California’s foie gras ban is upheld. The reaction of chefs is predictable and more than a little hypocritical.

    “Nobody likes to get held from cooking things that they usually love and not only that, but this is something customers love, too,” [chef and Food Network drone Eric] Greenspan said. “Don’t eat it if you don’t want to, but don’t impede on anyone’s rights to do what they want to do. Foie gras is one of those things to me that connects classic food to modern food and it’s been going on for so long and such a part of so many great classic cuisines that it will be missed.

    “Let’s ban assault rifles before we ban foie gras if you want to talk about cruelty,” he said.

    Headline: Girl Gets Shitfaced, Locks Herself In Freezer, Lawyers Salivate, Community Activists Bloviate. This has been going on for several days, but now there’s not even a pretense that this is about anything beyond a payday.

    In boxing news, Floyd Mayweather is now suspected of being a Secret Nazi and Rape Apologist.

    OK, more music from my hippie days, easily the best song Deep Purple ever did. A simple I-IV-V 12 bar blues, but jesus they could cook.

     

  • ZARDOZ SATURDAY EVENING LINKS

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. IT HAS BEEN GOOD FOR ZARDOZ TO GET BACK TO THE BASICS – GRAIN DELIVERY AND GIVING THE GIFT OF THE LINK TO HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ HAS TRIED MANY NEW CAREER PATHS – DRUG MULE, LABOR ORGANIZER, RACER, COUNTRY MUSIC….BUT THINKS PERHAPS LIFTING HIS CHOSEN ONES OUT OF BRUTALITY IS BEST.

    GO FORTH AND SNARK!

    1. ZARDOZ NOT SURE WHAT TO THINK OF THIS – “PIZZA” “BEAR” “MONSTER”? PERHAPS THE BRUTAL WAS WARNING ABOUT ZARDOZ’S FRIEND, STEVE SMITH?
    2. ZARDOZ WOULD ONCE AGAIN REMIND HIS CHOSEN ONES THAT COMPASSION TO BRUTALS IS NOT FOLLOWING ZARDOZ’S COMMANDS!
    3. ZARDOZ WOULD COME UP WITH A BETTER METHOD OF GETTING RID OF USELESS BRUTAL POLITICIANS THAN THIS.
    4. FOOLS! THE GUN SHOULD BE A GIFT!

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • Oktoberfest

     

    The 2017 Oktoberfest will start in Munich, Bavaria, Germany on the 16th of September at noon Central European Time and will run until the 3rd of October. It is the world’s largest beer festival with roughly six million attendees annually, but it is more than just beer. There is food, carnival rides, and shooting competitions.

    There are other Oktoberfest celebrations around the world. The Munich Oktoberfest is the oldest, largest, and the subject of this article.

    I went to Oktoberfest in 2016. It was not my first time in Munich, but it was my first time at Oktoberfest. Unfortunately, I missed the shooting competitions, but I drank, ate, and enjoyed myself.

    The countdown to the start of the festival is on the website for the festival.

    First, a little mood music from the Rockaholix Buam where they sing about Bavaria in the Bavarian dialect to the tune of an Irish drinking song while driving around the Bavarian countryside in an American made pick-up truck flying a pirate flag and flags with the Bavarian coat of arms.

    Oktoberfest History

    To summarize the Oktoberfest Wikipedia article, the first Oktoberfest was held in front of the Munich city gates on October 12th, 1810. It celebrated the marriage of Crown Prince Ludwig of Bavaria to Princess Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen. The location was named Theresienwiese (Theresa’s Meadow) and is commonly known today as Wiesn. The celebration included horse races, food, and drink. The celebration turned into an annual event. As the event grew and became more popular, the festival moved to September to take advantage of better weather. With only a few exceptions due to war and epidemics, the festival has been an annual tradition. This year’s Oktoberfest is the 184th Oktoberfest.

    Oktoberfestbier

    The most common beer served at Oktoberfest is a Märzen. The style name comes from the fact that the beer was traditionally brewed in March then stored in cellars and caves over the summer. The beer was brewed in March because brewing was prohibited in Bavaria between April and September. Early Oktoberfestbier was darker than modern Oktoberfestbier. The beer’s alcohol by volume will vary from 5.5% to 6.2%.

    The Modern Oktoberfest

    The modern day Oktoberfest starts in September and runs until either the first weekend in October or German Unity Day (October 3rd) if the first Sunday in October is either the 1st or the 2nd. The festival lasts 16 to 18 days.

    The only beers served are beers brewed in Munich that comply with the Rheinheitsgebot. Currently, the brewers who meet those criteria are Augustiner (the locals’ favorite), Paulaner, Spaten, Hacker-Pschorr, Löwenbräu, and Hofbräu.

    There are 14 large beer tents and many smaller tents. The tents are torn down and rebuilt each year. The big tents have indoor seating capacities from 1,000 to 8,400 people and many have outdoor seating areas. The smaller tents have indoor seating capacities in the hundreds and most do not have outdoor seating.

    Each tent has one brewer’s beer available. Oktoberfestbier is only available in one liter glasses called Maß. The official price list for a Maß of Oktoberfestbier is here. Hefeweizens, where available, come in half liter glasses. There are tents that sell wine, and one of the big tents specializes in wine.

    The tents have food available. Each tent has its own menu. A few examples of the variety of food:

    • ox at the Ochsenbraterei
    • seafood at the Fisch-Bäda
    • veal at the Hochreiter’s Kalbsbraterei
    • fresh baked goods at Cafe Mohrenkopf

    The atmosphere is different in each tent. Locals like the Augustiner-Festhalle. Hofbräu Festzelt is popular with American, Australian, and New Zealander tourists. Bräurosl hosts a gay and lesbian party on the first Sunday of the festival, see Rosa Wiesn, in German only, for more information.

    There are also a wide variety of carnival rides and games. The Teufelsrad seems to be rather popular. The goal is to stay on a wheel spinning with increasing speed while the staff try to knock you off the wheel.

    Before we talk about the shooting competitions at Oktoberfest, let’s talk a little about guns, shooting clubs, and shooting festivals in Germany.

    Gun Laws in Germany

    This paper from the Library of Congress has one of the best English language summaries of German gun laws I’ve seen. Germany is not a good place to be a gun owner. This article says the current system traces its roots to 1928. The current system mandates separate licenses for acquiring, possessing, or carrying a firearm. Obtaining a license is not easy. There are storage requirements for firearms. Except for the national registry of firearms, current legislation is implemented by the German states even though the legislation is federal.

    According to the registry, there are about 5.5 million legal privately owned firearms in Germany and about 1.4 million legal gun owners. In 2013, Der Spiegel published an analysis of the registry breaking down gun ownership by state. Bavaria has the most registered firearms (1.1 million) but only comes in second on a per capita basis (9.2 per 100 residents). Rhineland-Palatinate has the highest per capita rate of gun ownership (9.7 per 100 residents).

    No one knows how many illegal firearms are in circulation in Germany. The Der Spiegel article I linked above includes an estimate of 20 million illegal firearms. In my research for this article, I’ve seen estimates as high as 40 million illegal firearms. Unfortunately, none of the articles I’ve been able to find include a methodology.

    Shooting Clubs and Shooting Festivals

    There are shooting clubs all over Germany. Many are affiliated with the Deutscher Schützenbund (DSB). The DSB was established in 1861 and reestablished in 1951. The DSB has regional organizations, and clubs are under the regional organizations. Total membership is about 1.4 million. Their English language website is here. Their website has historical information about German shooting clubs from their start until to the Second World War; however, almost all of the history is in German. With some help from Google translate as my German is not good enough to read all the historical information, I will summarize.

    German shooting clubs trace their roots to Medieval times. German towns were defended by militia companies armed with crossbows. Over time the companies took on a broader view of protection and defense, and started acting as mutual aid societies. Their practices grew into social events, which over time turned into modern Schützenfests (shooting festivals).

    As European armies switched over to firearms, the shooting clubs switched as well. The shooting festivals and clubs began receiving municipal funds. Winning competitions became quite prestigious. In the 17th and 18th centuries, the reliance on shooting clubs for defense declined; however, the clubs’ and festivals’ existence continued. In the mid-19th century, clubs in Gotha, Frankfurt am Main, and Bremen worked on centralizing and standardizing clubs. This work culminated in the founding of the DSB in 1861.

    In the late 19th century, with the rise of the German Empire, the DSB declined again. The reason is that competition shooting with military arms grew. The DSB did not allow use of these arms as they wanted to stay apolitical. The DSB stayed apolitical until the rise of the Nazis, whom they initially supported in hopes the Nazis would end the internal disputes and disunity of Germany. On the other hand, the Nazis did not like the DSB and tried to shut it down. The DSB could not show a clear Germanic origin for traditions like shooting birds, and the DSB did not want Nazi paraphernalia at their shooting ranges.

    Schützenfests continue today and have spread throughout the world. The oldest in America is in Cincinnati, Ohio. Australia has one near Adelaide, South Australia.

    Germany has many, and hosts the largest in the world, which takes places annually in late June to early July in Hanover, Lower Saxony. The 2018 Schützenfest runs from Jun 29th through July 8th. The Hanover Schützenfest opens with a parade of shooters from all over the world, though I’ve read that not all take part in the shooting. According to the festival’s website, in 2017 12,000 shooters took part in the parade. The website says there were 148 million attendees, but based on other sources I think that is a typo. 1.48 million attendees in 2017 is probably the correct number. The festival includes beer tents and carnival rides.

    Shooting at Oktoberfest

    Oktoberfest is not a Schützenfest, it is a folk and beer festival. However, there are some elements of the shooting festivals at Oktoberfest and it has two shooting competitions. One competition involves air pistols and air rifles. The other uses crossbows.

    The first Sunday of the festival, there is a parade of rifleman. After the parade, the shooting competitions may begin. At the end of Oktoberfest, there is a ceremony at the Bavaria statue near the Schützenfestzelt to recognize the Landesschützenkönige (loosely translated as the shooting champion).

    The rifle competition is held at the Schützenfestzelt (Shooter’s Party Tent, website here). The competition is run by the Bayerischer Sportschützenbund e.V. (Bavarian Sport Shooting Association, BSSB, German only website). The competition uses air guns at a distance of 10 meters (roughly 11 yards). There are 110 shooting stands in the Schützenfestzelt. I have not been inside the Schützenfestzelt, but supposedly it is possible to watch the shooting. The BSSB’s website says the general public, aged 12 and older, is allowed to take part in the competition; however, only members of the BSSB are eligible to be Landesschützenkönig. The shooting hours are 8 AM through 5 PM on the Saturdays and Sundays of the festival, except the last Sunday when shooting stops at 2:30 PM. Weekdays shooting is on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday between 10 AM and 5 PM. Entry fee for air rifle shooting is 18.50 Euros for adults and 7.50 Euros for students and children. Entry fee for air pistols is 12.50 Euros for adults and 5.50 Euros for students and children. There is prize money available, from tens of Euros to low hundreds of Euros.

    The crossbow shooting competition is held in the Armbrustschützenzelt (Crossbow Shooter’s Tent, website here). I’ve been inside the Armbrustschützenzelt, but I could not find where the competition occurs. The Winzerer Fähndl, a crossbow guild, built the original Armbrustschützenzelt after moving out of the Winzerer Fähndl tent. I cannot find much information about this competition beyond that it dates back to 1895 and this brief video.

    When You Go

    • Book early. When I went in 2016, I looked for hotels in February 2016. Most hotels were already booked.

    • The Munich City government has imposed restrictions on AirBNB like services, so be careful if you go this route. Don’t be the person that gets your host in trouble.

    • Munich locals agreed with me when I told them my plans: Skip the weekends and go to Oktoberfest during the week. The weekends are too crowded and it is too difficult to get into a tent. If you do go on the weekend, expect the tents to fill up in the early afternoon. The weekdays are much quieter and the tents fill up in evening instead of early afternoon. Note that some tents have family days during the week where families get discounts; however, anyone is welcome in the tent.

    • I’ve heard that some tents accept credit cards, but I didn’t see any acceptance of credit cards when I was there. Expect Oktoberfest to be strictly cash-only, and pay as you go.

    • It’s OK to stand or dance on the benches, but keep your feet off the tables.

    • You can reserve tables in the tents, but only for large groups (usually eight or more people). Reservations fill up early, so like with hotels, reserve early. If a table isn’t reserved and isn’t full, ask if you can join. Most locals will gladly let you join them if there is room for your party. In almost every tent, you won’t be served unless you are seated.

    • If you decide to wear a Dirndl or Lederhosen, spend money (a few hundred Euros from what I hear) to get good stuff. Otherwise you will stick out as a tourist. Ladies, the Dirndl apron knot goes on your left front if you are available, the center front if you are a virgin, right front if you are not available, and back if you are a widow or a waitress.

    • I didn’t get a car while I was there. I relied on public transit. German public transit is good. The Münchner Verkehrs-und Tarifverbund (MVV, Munich’s public transit system) English language website includes schedules, maps, fare information, and trip planners. There is an U-bahn (subway) station at the Wiesn for the U4 and U5 lines, which is sometimes closed during Oktoberfest due to security concerns. The Hauptbahnhof (Main Train Station) is a fifteen minute or so walk from the Wiesn. All S-bahn lines except the S20 go through the Hauptbahnhof. The S1 and S8 go to the airport. To go from the Hauptbahnhof to the Wiesn, follow the signs. There are signs at the Wiesn which will direct you to both the U-bahn station and the Hauptbahnhof.

    • Due to increased security, you won’t be allowed to take large bags into the Wiesn. The Wiesn is now fenced off, and you can only enter and exit at certain points.

    • Don’t drink too much unless you want to end up on the Munich Barfs web page or in Youtube videos like this one.

    If you go, I hope you have a good time. Oktoberfest is a lot of fun.

    Postscripts

    For those that like looking at men

    I’m a straight guy, so I am a bit clueless about what those that like looking at men are attracted to, but I think the pictures I found of men in Lederhosen won’t work. Instead, have a video of Bavarian Stone Lifting, which does not take place at Oktoberfest.

    For those that like looking at women

    Enjoy this gallery of women at Oktoberfest.

    Editor’s Note: DEG is already deep into the spirit of Oktoberfest, so to speak, so he’ll check in for comments, questions, and general applause on Monday.

  • Review – Rogue Sriracha Hot Stout

     

    If you ever had Cave Creek Chili beer, you probably agree with the popular opinion that it is dreadful.  It didn’t help that when Cave Creek came out with the beer it was several years before novelty beers became more popular.  So when I received this as a gag gift at the office Christmas Holiday Party, I decided I would be as objective as possible.  After all, I like beer.  I like sriracha sauce, the combination should be okay, right?

    Let’s start with what is right about this.  Sriracha sauce or its parent company Huy Fong foods was founded by David Tran, a Vietnamese Immigrant.  Legend has it, the former ARVN officer stowed away on a freighter in the early 1980s.  Having survived the trip, he found himself penniless, without hot sauce to his liking, and worst of all in California.  He made the sauce first by hand, selling mainly to Chinese restaurants and his company grew from there by word of mouth.  The company is named for the freighter that brought him to America.

    The beer is not hopped at all as far as I can tell but it does not matter because there is no balance to this at all.  This reminds me of the Lindt chocolate bars with chile or those candies from Mexico.  There is a sweet full bodied beer behind it but it is overpowered by flaming cock sauce.  Mexican Indians drank something similar.  Cacao trees are native to the Americas and were believed to be a gift from the Quetzalcoatl, the god of wisdom.  It was originally prepared as a beverage; evidence of fermenting cacao seeds to make alcohol suggests the practice was in place as early as 1400 BC. To this day, it is still prepared as a hot frothy beverage mixed with spices that is believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Powerful, like this guy:   

    The peppers are somewhat muted by the stout but not nearly enough.  Perhaps now is a good time to mention that my ancestors engaged in human sacrifice and cannibalism, but quite frankly, I can only see myself eating this with Thai curry or Pho.  Even then I would probably only do it on a dare.

    I was at a loss as far as glassware.  That Gordon Biersch glass (they call it a Willibrecht) is as neutral a glass that I own but I typically use it for Amber and Pale Ales.  IPA, Barley wines, Trappist, and Brown Ales I opt for the Chalice or a Tulip Glass.  Lagers go in a mug.  Stouts and Porters go in a Pint glass.  The spices are so intense, it doesn’t suit any of my glassware.

    If you are going to spend the five days following the winter solstice, holed up in your house while waiting for the gods to finish deciding whether to end the world or let you live for another year…you might like this.  If you like covering yourself with black mud to celebrate the god’s gift of a new year…you might like this.  If you plan on ripping open the sternum of one of your enemies, beheading him and eating his still beating heart…you might like this.  If you have achieved a higher plane of consciousness, climbed into your pyramid and flew back to your home planet…you may like this.  For the rest of us, I leave it by saying that it is not for everyone.  I couldn’t finish the bomber, instead I pulled out a Four Peaks Kiltlifter to round out my evening. 2.2/5.

  • Saturday Morning Beer-Themed Links

    This is a difficult morning. Much beer last night while being given lessons from Swiss Servator on the proper technique for drilling holes in blocks of cheese. “NEIN, NEIN, DAS IST NOT KORRECT! MORE ANGLE!!!!” in his best Sgt. Hartman screaming voice. I admit that I was surprised at some of the subtleties involved, like frequent changing of drill bits so that the holes varied in size properly.

    In any event, this will be a beer-themed day on the Glibs as you will see. But first, let’s look at the news.

    Apparently there’s a feeling in St. Louis that a trial verdict was not properly arrived at. Indeed, it does seem a bit… suspicious. Interestingly, rather than the mob attacking the judge who felt that a cop saying he was going to kill someone, the cop shooting the guy five times with a, ahem, nonstandard weapon, and then planting a gun, was not sufficient evidence to sustain a “guilty” verdict, the mob decided to attack the mayor’s home. The logic of crowds will never be something I understand, I’m afraid. This passage in the news story is telling:

    Since Ferguson, police shootings or other uses of force — and decisions not to charge the officers in most of the cases involved — have set off heated protests in New York, Baltimore, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Charlotte and other cities across the country.

    What do all these cities have in common? I’ll let the commenters answer that.

    London cops have arrested someone who should be charged with incompetent bomb-making. As of this writing, the suspect has not yet been named, but they did say he was an 18 year old male. At 18, my friends and I were extremely skilled at ordnance, and we would have turned ourselves in out of a sense of embarrassment for fucking up an easy task. If we’re betting, I’ll take the “under” on the kid being Amish.

    We can always count on California politicians to beclown themselves, this time with efforts to prevent Trump from being on the presidential ballot in 2020. Because democracy, right?

    “It’s time for Californians to have a louder voice about who is going to lead our country,” state Sen. Ricardo Lara (D-Bell Gardens), said during a legislative hearing on his bill to move the state’s 2020 presidential primary from June 2 to March 3.

    Because having more electoral votes than any other state is clearly insufficient for Dickie. No reason to let those hicks in the other 49 states to have a say, they might make the wrong choice. Kalifornia Uber Alles.

     

    If I were tortured by the memories she must have, I might kill myself as well.

     

     

     

     

    I admit it, I like this guy. It’s always fun when the mask slips and the Progs on TV are discovered to be closeted Mrs. Grundys.

     

    Finally, the obligatory music. SP and I have been spending a great deal of time in Wisconsin and have grown to love the culture, the accents, and that way of life they have. Oh, and the beer and cheese. If we could escape Chicago and move north, we would. This is absolutely charming.

  • STEVE SMITH FRIDAY NIGHT LINKS

    STEVE SMITH NEED TO RELAX TONIGHT. HIM READ WARTIMUS STORY EARLIER, AND NEED TO REST BRAIN. WILL GO FIND SOME CAMPERS FOR RELAXATION. BY RELAXATION, MEAN RAPE.

    BUT FIRST GIVE GLIBS PEOPLE SOME LINKS TO READ AND MAKE FUNNY REMARKS ABOUT!

    • STEVE SMITH CONFUSED – THOUGHT JAPAN ALREADY KNOW HOW DO THIS – GODZILLA BEEN FORGOTTEN SO SOON?
    • STEVE SMITH ASK SWISS GLIB TO ANSWER RED PHONE. NOBODY REMAIN COVERED WHEN STEVE SMITH AROUND!
    • ALL POSITIONS DANGEROUS WITH STEVE SMITH! NOT SURE ABOUT “MISSIONARY” – BUT MANY PEOPLE DO PRAY WHEN STEVE SMITH COME TO RAPE THEM.
    • THIS TRIP ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! WHO BETTER FIX THINGS THAN NEW YORK POLITICIAN?

  • Firearms Friday: Left Handed Lamentation

    I want to start off today with some excellent news: The SHARE Act has passed out of committee in the house and is headed to the floor. This bill does a ton of awesome stuff, most noteworthy being the removal of silencers from the clutches of the evil NFA, as well as gutting the ‘non sporting purposes’ bullshit and preventing rifle ammo from being banned as ‘armor piercing’. Barring any unforeseen problems in the house and senate (I’m looking at you, McCain, you shitbird) it should be on the president’s desk in a few weeks. This would be the biggest pro gun victory since the sunset of the assault weapons ban. Do everything in your power to get this to pass. Seriously, this is YUUUGE!

    In case that last bit of news made you too excited, here is a little nut punch to even you out: Paul Ryan has unilaterally blocked the National Reciprocity Act from reaching the floor, claiming ‘the timing is not right‘. This fucker needs to be primaried.

    That’s enough news. Onto the topic du jour. When most people buy a gun, they probably put an immediate consideration into things like price, reliability, and features. I, however, am a bit different. When I see a new gun, the first thing I ask myself is ‘can I even use it?’. That’s because I am left handed. If there was ever a hobby that discriminated against left handed participants, I would imagine shooting to be just behind polo in that regard. Up until very recently, you could not even get ‘ambidextrous’ or ‘left handed’ guns. You had to simply buy a right handed gun and learn to do everything ass backwards. God forbid you needed to reach a safety at any point cause you were proper fucked. I have heard that in WW2, southpaws would leave their 1911s on the half cock notch and learn to draw and cock the hammer before firing, since the safeties on those guns could only be used right handed.

    Not exactly what I had in mind when I did the GIS, but I’ll take it.

    Things have gotten much much better in the last few years as gun companies realize there is a whole 20% of the market they could be servicing better. Even 7 years ago when I started seriously getting into guns, there were only a handful of companies that made ambidextrous handguns. Now just about every single brand has a left hand friendly model. Even Glock’s newest generation has an ambi slide lock and a reversible magazine release.

    This does not mean that everything is awesome, however. The handgun market might be very lefty friendly at this point, but the long gun market still has much to be desired. Let’s take one simple example. Say you wanted a 9mm rifle. Most of you would simply go online, buy a Kel Tec Sub 2000 for around $350, and call it a day. Not quite so simple for me, however. You see, the Sub 2K has a right hand only safety and mag release. I could probably learn to use them, but if I am going for competition use those extra few seconds add up. This means I have to look at guns 2 to 3 times more expensive just to get the features that I need. I either have to build a custom 9mm AR or I have pony up damn near a grand for something like a CZ Scorpion Evo. That is a significant price bump just because I was born this way. Revolvers are similarly problematic because 99% of them are completely right handed. I know of one company making a very small number of reversed 38s for southpaws, but that’s it.

    It isn’t just boutique guns that suffer from this problem. Let’s look at the ubiquitous AR-15 platform. Aside from the trigger, there are three controls on an AR: The charging handle, the safety, and the bolt release. All of these are inherently right handed. If you normies wanted to buy an AR, you could go and get the cheapest thing from Palmetto State or Radical Firearms and be happy. Lefties don’t get off so easily. First, I would have to change out the safety. That’s a minimum of $20. Then I have to add an ambi mag release. Another $20. I also need a BAD lever. 30 bucks. Finally, I need an ambi charging handle. The absolute cheapest I have ever seen one is $40. Add that up and you are looking at an extra $120 just to use the gun. Mind you these prices are the bare minimum. It is not uncommon to pay $50 for a good ambi safety, $50-$100 for a lefty mag release, and $80+ for a charging handle. You can see how quickly this stuff adds up.

    The place that really gets dirty for lefty shooters are bullpups and bolt action rifles. By design these guns are not ambi friendly. You have to go for one hand or the other, and since most people are right handed, most guns are as well. I do not own a single bolt action rifle for this very reason, and up until the Tavor was released I didn’t own a bullpup, even though I love bullpup rifles. The Tavor can be set up for left or right handed operation, but in order to make mine a lefty I had to pay an extra $200 and ship the gun out for a conversion. Not cheap or convenient.

    I think the worst part about all of this is that there are ways to make guns more lefty friendly. Companies simply don’t do them. Top break revolvers have been around for centuries but they are basically nonexistent today. Ambidextrous bullpup designs are starting to proliferate but they are still in the minority. To my knowledge there has never been a bolt action rifle that could be swapped from left to right handed operation (trust me, I’ve looked). Just about the only place ambidextrous design is in vogue is the handgun market, which is kind of silly because the handgun is probably the easiest weapon to learn to use weak handed.

    I am sure there are some of you out there reading this rather incredulously. Waah, poor Vhyrus was born a freak and the world won’t change to accommodate him. And you’re right. This is a minor gripe. A textbook first world problem. That is exactly what’s wonderful about our country in [current year]. Things are so good I can bitch that my military grade death rifle isn’t user friendly enough. Compared to disease, starvation, war, slavery, oppression, and everything else going on, this is a giant nothingburger. So, in reality, this rant is actually glowing praise of our society in disguise. But, I still want my left handed guns dammit, and I sincerely hope that the ambidextrous trend for gun makers continues to build. Because as it is now, the kids are definitely not all right.

  • Friday Afternoon Links

    Happy Weekend. I think my A/C froze up trying to remove a swamp’s worth of water from the inside. It’s always something. Luckily, the pool guy came by and cleaned the shit out of the pool. I tipped him some cash because my wife wasn’t home and there was a whole bunch of debris in the pool.

    My favorite link today is news that Trump called his AG an idiot and told him he should resign. Sessions, being a long-time elected Republican, got down on his knees and tried to “demonstrate his loyalty”. I’m just speculating on that second sentence, but I’m pretty sure its true.

    Heard from a cynical liberal friend on FB: “Aung San Suu Kyi has more Muslim blood on her hands of any Nobel Peace Prize winner since Obama.” Savage.

    Thank goodness bomb making is something that even talented amateurs mostly get wrong.

    That’s right WaPo, abandon the coast! And DC, because its too close as well.

    A classic punk song. Amazing that the commie toadying fucks just have new heroes.

  • Wartimus Riesigmann and The Colour From Out of Time: A Warty Hugeman Tweenage Time Travel Adventure: Chapter Five

    Courtesy of the amazing CPRM

    A shuddering boom rocked the house.

    “Stay here,” Wartimus’ father ordered. “Talk to the dildo.”

    “Hello?” he asked again. He prodded the studded purple monstrosity with a tongue depressor.

    “WARTIMUS RIESIGMANN. PARADOX PROTOCOL PREVENTS MOST PROGRAMMED INTERACTIONS,” it said.

    “What are you?” he asked.

    “PARADOX PROTOCOL PREVENTS…”

    “OK, enough of that. What can you tell me?”

    “VERY LITTLE. IT IS FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.”

    “They are in the house!” his father yelled from the security suite.

    “Can you tell me who is attacking us?” Wartimus asked.

    “IT MUST BE REDACTED. CONFIRM.”

    “Yes. Redact. OK.”

    “THEY ARE MEMBERS OF [BEEP]. THEY WORK TO PREVENT PARADOX BY [BEEP] AND SEQUESTERING [BEEP].”

    “Do they work for the government or something? Like a secret division of some shadowy department or whatever?”

    “NOT YOUR GOVERNMENT.”

    “Dad!” he yelled. “They aren’t from the government!”

    “Trespassers!” his father exclaimed and started laughing his third scariest laugh. Wartimus felt the guns guarding the inside of the house open up.

    “Why did you react to my blood?”

    [BEEP]

    “Why did you call me ‘Warty Hugeman?’”

    [BEEP]

    “Why did you destroy those helicopters?”

    “I PROTECT [BEEP].”

    “Why did the guys upstairs call you an ‘out-time’ object?’”

    “PARADOX.”

    Wartimus snorted in disgust and walked over to his father. He watched over the older man’s shoulder as the house guns chewed the last of the attackers into wet hunks of meat.

    “The, uh, dildo isn’t telling me much,” he said.

    “It knows who you are,” his father said. “It reacted to your blood. It called you by a version of your name; ‘Huge Man’ is just our name in English. It’s told us plenty, my boy.”

    Professor Riesigmann crossed the laboratory to loom over the dildo. “You are from the future,” he told it.

    “PARADOX.”

    “My son built you.”

    “PARADOX.”

    “Stop that,” Wartimus interjected. The dildo beeped dejectedly.

    “He must have lost his penis at some point in the future and needed to replace it with you.”

    Wartmus clutched his genitals without even realizing he was doing so.

    “You are also a weapon,” his father continued. “A very powerful weapon. Somehow you have traveled backward in time. The people outside know you are not from this time and want you. And you being here is a violation of the timeline, the paradox you are so fond of pointing out. This all simple logic, my phallic friend.”

    The dildo screeched and began to flash with a bright, purple light.

    “LOCAL INCURSION! LOCAL INCURSION! PARADOX THREAT!”

    “What are you talking about?” Wartimus demanded.

    His father ran to the security screens. “I think I know, son.”

    Wartimus joined his father and studied the exterior camera feeds. A ship bristling with guns was hanging over the house.

    “LOCAL INCURSION!” the dildo squawked again.

    “You mean the giant spaceship hovering over the house?” Wartimus asked sarcastically.

    “I’m going to take that damn thing apart if it doesn’t tell us something useful,” his father muttered.

    “PARADOX IS INEVITABLE. THE TIMELINE CANNOT BE MAINTAINED. THE TIME INSTITUTE WILL TRAP US IN A RECURSION LOOP.”

    “What are you talking about?” Wartimus demanded. “Make sense.”

    “YOU ARE THE PREGENITORSHIP OF WHAT/WHO I KNOW AS WARTY HUGEMAN, MY WILLBE/WAS OWNER/OPERATOR. THE TIME INSITUTE IS/WAS/WILL BE HIS ENEMY. THEY WILL COME/ARE HERE FOR ME BECAUSE THEY HOPE HE WILL/HAVE COME FOR ME. I AM OUT OF CONTEXT IN THIS LOCAL FRAME. I HAVE/WILL/DO SHALL PRESENT/ED A PARADOX TO THE LOCAL TIMELINE THAT WILL/HAS CAUSE/D ITS DESTRUCTION.”

    “This giving me a headache,” the Professor grumbled.

    “TRANS-TEMPORAL GRAMMAR IS VERY DIFFICULT.”

    “What is the recursion loop?” Wartimus asked.

    “IT IS HOW THE TIME INSTITUTE WILL REPAIR THE TIMELINE. THE TIME FROM THE MOMENT I ARRIVED IN THE LOCAL FRAME UNTIL THEY FINISH THE LOOP WILL BE FOLDED BACK ON ITSELF. ALL OF THIS WILL RECUR INFINITELY BUT OUTSIDE THE TIMELINE.”

    “We will be edited out of time, son,” his father explained. “Trapped in a time loop and quarantined. A version of us that none of this happened to will go on.”

    “How do we stop it?” Wartimus asked.

    “We can’t. We are probably already in it. We’ve probably already had this conversation a billion times. Or maybe only twice.”

    “We have to do something, right?”

    “Maybe we did something the first time. Maybe we did nothing the first time. Maybe one path or the other causes the loop to close. Maybe the loop closes no matter what.” His father gave a fatalistic shrug and wandered back to the security monitors.

    Wartimus snatched up the dildo. “Can you stop the loop from closing?”

    “YOUR FATHER IS MOST LIKELY CORRECT, WARTIMUS RIESIGMANN. LOGIC DEMANDS IT.”

    “Can you stop it or not?” he demanded, shaking it obscenely as if to force it to answer.

    “I CAN DESTROY THE TIME INSTITUTE SHIP. IF I DO SO BEFORE THE LOOP IS CLOSED IT WOULD KEEP US FROM BEING TRAPPED.”

    “Then do it. Destroy the ship.”

    “THE TIMELINE WILL STILL BE ALTERED. THE POSSIBLE/WAS FUTURE WILL/WILL HAVE/WON’T EXIST/ED.”

    “I don’t care. I order you to destroy the ship. I order you.”

    “I MUST HAVE A HOST.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “I MUST HAVE A HOST. I DRAW ON LIFE ENERGIES TO FUNCTION.”

    “So draw on mine,” the boy said.

    “I MUST HAVE A HOST. I MUST BE INSTALLED.”

    Realization dawned on Wartimus. Installation. Host. He became acutely aware of what he was holding.

    “I can’t just hold you? Or stick you on my finger or something?”

    “I MUST…”

    “OK, OK.”

    “USE THE DAMAGED ONE.”

    “Huh?”

    “THE HANDLESS.”

    “I… I can’t do that to Simon. I caused this, or will cause this, or have caused or whatever.”

    “YOU HAVE YOUR NATURAL PENIS FOR 23 MORE YEARS HENCE FROM THE LOCAL FRAME. YOU ENJOY MANY PEOPLE WITH YOUR PENIS AND EVEN MORE THINGS. HE IS MINDLESS, DEAD. GIVE HIM TO ME.”

    “Simon is brain-dead?”

    “YES.”

    Wartimus sighed heavily. “Dad? I need you to do some, uh, surgery,” he called.

    “NO NEED. TAKE US UPSTAIRS.”

    *****

    Wartimus tried not to look at Simon’s penis as he tugged down his shorts on the front lawn but it was inevitable. His small, pale pink member looked frightened and alone in the crazy light show generated by the Time Institute ship.

    “What now?”

    “TOUCH MY SOCKET END TO HIS MEMBER.”

    Wartimus looked away, but gagged on the noise it made, like a sink disposal unit grinding on a chicken bone.

    “STEP BACK.”

    Simon rose into the air, arms and legs hanging limp, his new battle penis pulsing with an inner light, thrumming the air with power. As the tension in the air built, even Simon himself began to glow. With a thunderclap, the dildo from out of time shot skyward, dragging Wartimus’ friend behind it.

    After that, Wartimus saw nothing but white, pure white, and heard nothing at all.

    *****

    Wartimus reclined on the roof of his father’s house and watched the stars glitter in the darkness of a moonless night. He had spent the summer making up his own erotic constellations and was languidly masturbating to them. He had spent the summer working in his father’s laboratory and hoped when he went back to school that he would finally meet someone who could be his best friend.

     

    THE END

    Chapter Four |

  • Friday Morning Links

    OK, Evertonians talking shit about the Reds. What do you have to say for yourselves now? Bitch-ass bitches got rolled. Arsenhole won. And in football played with hands, as God intended, the Texans dumped the Bungles 13-9 in what IO can only imagine was a snooze-fest.  JJ Watt will probably have a hand like Ronnie Lott’s at some point in his career, as he mangled it pretty good but managed to stay in the game. And the ginger QB experiment has proven, once again, that the soulless have no business on the field. In the college ranks, Boise State won on that awful looking smurf turf. May God have mercy on their souls.

    Hey, if I wanted to be offensive, I’d have shown a Yankees logo.

    Unless you’ve been under a rock, you are aware that the Cleveland Indians are on one hell of a roll. A record-breaking one, to be exact.  And last night they faced a serious challenge from the Royals, needing a 2 out run in the bottom of the ninth to tie it up and then walking it off in the tenth. to run their streak to 22 games.  They burned through a lot of staff though, so I see them struggling to win tonight.  We’ll see what happens. Elsewhere, the White Sox pounded the Tigers. The Red Sox beat up on the Athletics. The Yanks kept pace with the beaneaters by topping the Orioles. The Cards beat the BIG RED MACHINE. The D-backs blanked the Rockies and continued playing the best ball in the NL. The Nationals won a meaningless game. So did the Phillies. The Cubbies and Mariners both won. As did the beloved Twinks. And last, but never least, the Astros helped those aforementioned Minnesodans by knocking off the California Angels (yeah, whatever, they’re not from LA).

    Unless there are WNBA fans out there, which there aren’t, that’s all for sports.  And now we can move on to…the links!

    You know, I was just thinking? What we need now is for that crazy fat bastard in North Korea to stir shit up again. Thanks for obliging, Kim. You nutty fucker.

    The bomb in the tube train.

    You know what else I was thinking? That it had been some time since the last asshole set off a bomb or decided to drive into a sidewalk full of people in Europe. Thanks for obliging, whatever asshole did this.  The Amish are yet to make a statement, so we’ll have to wait and see who did it.

    The police aren’t nearly as good at ending standoffs as this guy. He’s gonna be my hero for a day. Hey, maybe I should have a “hero for the day” segment.

    Sooooooooo, I guess Harvard is transphobic now? LOL, the fun never ends. On the bright side, looks like this will leave more time for those students to learn from the brilliant minds of Sean Spicer and Robby Mook.

    Good news for Ghanians with ED. Dem no need travel for treatment no more.

    Saturn. Duh!

    This link is for the space nerds. Cassini’s final photos before crashing into Saturn.  Better than crashing into Uranus, amirite?

    Get your funk on. (I hope I finished the week as strong as it started.)

    Have a great end to the week…and a better start to the weekend.