Glibertarians.com 2017 Archive

Tag: beards

  • Manly Monday – Cooking With Bears

    Back by (surprisingly) popular demand, but probably on an irregular basis!

    My boyfriend has been marketed to: a British honey producer—Rowse Honey—asked their advertising firm for something interesting and challenging and someone came up with selling honey with bears…gay bears, three of them…and porridge. Unlike the BF, my preferences do not begin and end with “is a bear,” but the ads contain three hirsute men of varying beefiness preparing oats, doing yoga, and chopping wood and they’re charming as all get-out. Rowse is available on Amazon, but not with Prime shipping (boo!)

    https://youtu.be/KSZJ8yH_u2Q

    Part of the problem with doing Manly Monday is that I start GISing something topical like “scruffy men in aprons” (hey, it’s Thanksgiving week*) and then have a difficult time finishing the task at hand my post. It’s fun how a simple image search can lead one to #bearnakedchef a web series of Adrian De Berardinis cooking in just an apron (often just over his nethers). *Except in Canada where y’all already blew your Thanksgiving wad

    Or that there’s a combination photo/cookbook of Italian bears cooking healthy Italian cuisine (one of whom looks suspiciously like a doctor/former chef I work with).

    And then you might stumble on scruffy pizza chef, Daniel Gutter who goes by @Pizza_Gutt on Instagram and makes (wait for it) deep dish pizza in Philly, and was harassed online because his username was too close to #Pizzagate (wtf is wrong with people?)

    http://www.instagram.com/p/BMfUSZdDab4

    All that said, I need to kill the GIS window, don a full body hair net and get some cooking of my own done.

  • Fur Friday

    It was recently brought to my attention that there is a hot new beard trend involving mascara and references to unicorns. In fact, several people let me know whenever there is a “hot new beard trend” because I am the token bearded-American in their lives.  These people mean well; they’re universally follicularly challenged (often women) and think that their beardo friends are just Ken dolls waiting to be adorned in whatever is trending on Pinterest today. And they also seem blissfully unaware that these “hot new trends” are mostly just two guys from Portland on Instagram with a shtick that has been escalating since 2014 when they stuck some flowers in their beard on a lark and got positive buzz from it. They dabbled in food stuffs and non-flowering plants, returning to more complicated floral arrangements periodically to hold the interest of their followers. At some point they crossed an unforgivable line into glitter beards. I assume anyone else who tried this on the internet has some kind of mental handicap, intense self-loathing or is very good at photoshopping, because only a masochist would put the herpes of crafting (thanks Dimitri Martin) into their beard. I’m not even sure how you would get rid of glitter in one’s beard that did not involve dying and being reincarnated as not-a-fool. More benignly they did Christmas ornaments for this Christmas.

    So remember, kids. Next time you see a clickbaity article talking about a hot new beard grooming trend is sweeping the nation’s men, remember that it’s probably just a few instagram personalities having fun or trolling for clicks and not hot, new, or a trend.

    A bizarre homage to last week’s Manly Monday:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BKrRbbRAy1j/

    I do believe we wore the same plastic prop ax to the party. One of us will have to go home and change.