Tuesday Night Links

  • Howard Root, founder and CEO of Vascular Solutions, was found not guilty on federal charges spearheaded by Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates. Yes, that Sally Yates. The actions of the federal government under her control were described by one juror as “nothing short of criminal”.

    By the gram? That’s how you know it’s bad for you.

 

  • Kerrygold butter, one of the premier dairy products on the market, cannot be sold in Wisconsin. I’m sure there are perfectly legitimate and logical reasons to protecting consumers from a noted dairy established in 1961, and protecting the Wisconsin dairy farm lobbying interests had nothing to do with it.

 

  • Daniel Crowninshield was sentenced to 41 months in prison for “unlawfully manufacturing firearms”. Special Agent in Charge Jill A. Snyder, of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, said that Crowninshield “owned and operated a machine shop where he allowed customers with unknown backgrounds to use his machinery to unlawfully manufacture firearms for profit. That activity posed a very dangerous threat to the safety of our communities.”

 

 

 

H/t Pope Jimbo

Comments

244 responses to “Tuesday Night Links”

  1. Pat

    Builder accidentally fires nail gun into his own penis and gives himself an eye-watering injury

    Most men curl up in agony if they get a kick or a light punch in their nether-regions, so spare a thought for this young man who fired a nail into his crotch at high speed.

    The builder had been using a hydraulic hand nail gun at work in Swansea when he mistimed pulling the trigger and sent the nail flying into his groin, just centimetres from his penis.

    Although the 22-year-old man doesn’t wish to be named, his colleague Mathew Meagher was on hand to capture photographs of the horrific injury – presumably so he can look back fondly when he’s got over the pain.

    Mathew explained: “For want of a better phrase, the nail was pretty much through his d**k.”

    1. Slammer

      “Accidentally” my ass

    2. Rhywun

      Wiener Wednesday is tomorrow, you know.

    3. The Fusionist

      I’ll be in whatever the opposite of my bunk is.

      1. Slammer

        The Confessional Booth?

        1. The Fusionist

          I guess that’s a good idea, but in this particular case the natural reaction I have to this story isn’t particularly sinful.

          1. Slammer

            I meant the opposite of the bunk

    4. another Kevin

      Most painful $100 he ever made.

  2. Pat

    The President of Iceland wants to ban pineapple pizza

    A world leader has spoken out against the use of pineapple on pizza.

    Iceland’s president Gudni Thorlacius Johannesson, who is not a character in popular HBO drama Game of Thrones , aired his feelings during a visit to a high school in northern Iceland .

    The politician told students that he despises the Hawaiian favourite and joked that it should be outlawed entirely, according to Iceland Magazine . Controversial stuff.

    The president, who has so far accrued a 97 per cent approval rating among his population, was talking to pupils about pizza , football, and education. He also said that his favourite football team is Manchester United.

    1. Pat

      Which for some reason puts me in mind of a joke that some of you might enjoy:

      A man writes into a British newspaper advice column:

      I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Manchester, England. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mount Eaden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time “working girl” in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilising her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

      My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a United fan?

      1. Slammer

        That’s a long add joke. But funny

        1. Slammer

          *long ass, dammit

      2. Juvenile Bluster

        Have heard that joke many times. Never ceases to be funny.

        Fuck Manchester United.

          1. Slammer

            Right on, brother

          2. Juvenile Bluster

            No, no.

            Fuck you.

          3. John Titor

            Meh, least you’re not a Chelsea fan.

          4. They should have received a severe punishment for what they did to Anders Frisk.

          5. Rhywun

            I wasn’t aware of that Anders Frisk story but WTF it’s not like I need any more reasons to loathe Chelsea so thanks.

        1. GSL in E

          Seconded

        2. Chipwooder

          Fuck soccer, you commie bastards

          1. Suthenboy

            ^This^

          2. juris imprudent

            I’ll take that from you as long as you aren’t a baseball fan.

          3. Cliche Bandit

            SWING and a miss
            Just a bit outside
            Here comes a heater

          4. juris imprudent

            When it comes to boring, a baseball game can’t be beat.

        3. Pan Zagloba

          Fuck you all, Alex Ferguson is the best

          (Source:Manchester United for Commodore 64, circa 1988)

    2. This Machine

      Howard Root, founder and CEO of Vascular Solutions, was found not guilty on federal charges spearheaded by Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates. Yes, that Sally Yates. The actions of the federal government under her control were described by one juror as “nothing short of criminal”.

      Well, let’s check that out, shall we-

      According to the Yates Memo, prosecutors must “focus on individual wrongdoing from the very beginning” of every corporate investigation and “fully leverage” resources to identify individuals for prosecution. Instead of a balanced approach to justice, the Yates Memo advocates an obsession with individual criminal prosecutions in order to recover “as much money as possible.”

      Oh.

      *urge to smash things……. rising…*

      1. This Machine

        Meant this to be a standalone. Hmm.

        Oh well, hi Pat, good to see you here.

        1. Pat

          It’s not your fault, we’re all still adjusting to proper threading.

          Good to see you as well.

      2. The State is an extortion racket.

    3. He also said that his favourite football team is Manchester United.

      He has shitty taste in football.

      1. Slammer

        Man U is not a football team. The Oakland Raiders are a football team.

        1. Not with Derek Carr injured.

          1. Slammer

            Derek Carr is gonna bring us back to be Promised Land.
            RN4L

          2. juris imprudent

            Is that somewhere in Las Vegas?

          3. Slammer

            Who knows at this point. What a shitshow

          4. Better hair: Robbie Soave, or Mark Davis?

          5. Slammer

            Bigger cojones: Al Davis or Nick Gillespie?

          6. DenverJ

            Bah dum

      2. Rhywun

        Oh damn, I missed that. He wouldn’t be welcome in my house, even if he does have an eye for proper pizza.

    4. Rhywun

      I like the cut of Iceland’s president’s jib.

    5. OneOut

      Obviously a fake news article.

      Manchester United doesn’t even play football.

      It is my understanding they play a game called soccer.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Foot ball. Compound word. Ball is kicked with foot.

        Hand egg. Compound word. Egg-shaped ball is carried in hand.

    6. juris imprudent

      I would never trust a man with hakarl on his breath – and from all accounts hakarl is worse than the drippings of Warty’s taint.

      1. Contrarian P

        Now there’s a mental image I’ll never get out of my brain.

  3. Drake

    S’up bitches?

    I was traveling the last few weeks and not paying much attention. But a Chapman, a Shikha, and a Gillespie piece that seems to have been written from DNC talking points in just the past day… and here I am.

    1. Pat

      It’s good to see more and more familiar faces showing up. It still feels weird not seeing a Fist of Etiquette post first thing when scrolling.

    2. Slammer

      waddup

    3. juris imprudent

      So not even The Jacket is going to save the place.

      1. Suthenboy

        In case you forgot the Jacket abandoned them before we did. Crushed with grief Nick turned to veganism.
        There is no saving them.

  4. Pat

    Wisconsin county wants ‘Pokemon Go’ to pay for use of parks

    A Wisconsin county’s new ordinance seeks to force the makers of Pokemon Go to keep their digital monsters out of public parks unless they pay for permits.

    Milwaukee County officials said the ordinance was inspired by the large crowds the augmented reality game brought to the country’s parks last summer and the messes they left behind.

    The new ordinance requires Niantic, the San Francisco company behind Pokemon Go, and the makers of similar games to keep their virtual content out of parks unless they apply for permits using the same process as any group seeking to host events at parks.

    County Supervisor Sheldon Wasserman, who authored the proposal signed by County Executive Chris Abele Feb. 10, said fees range from $100 to $1,000, depending on how much of a park will be used and the expected size of the crowd.

    1. Glitterstorm

      Holy Christ. Surely, if the parks dept could set up a beef stew stand to generate revenue.

    2. Mythical Libertarian Woman

      So what I’m getting out of today’s links is Fuck Wisconsin.

      1. BAN WISCONSIN!!

      2. John Titor

        It’s like taking a cold shower, but makes you feel dirty.

      3. juris imprudent

        That’s a generous offer, but is Wisconsin really worthy?

      4. NOT a Naked Intruder

        I’m beginning to doubt that even Russel Ziskey could get his ass kicked there these days.

        When Making A Murderer is the most interesting thing about your state, you are truly fucked.

        1. dbleagle

          Not surprised that they are still crazy trying to protect their dairy. My mom lived there during WWII and if you purchased margarine it was off white and came with a packet of yellow. If you wanted to make it yellow you had to melt the margarine and stir in the yellow goo. My uncle swore that they kept that law until the mid-1960’s.

          I was raised a Packers fan but the state is very odd.

          1. SP

            Actually, that was pretty much everywhere. The Wisconsin dairy industry was largely responsible for the legislation, but other states – especially big dairy states – passed it in quick succession, long before WWII. I think it was somewhere around the turn of the last century.

            Your uncle is correct. Wisconsin didn’t get rid of the margarine color legislation until the late 1960s.

    3. Do people still play Pokemon Go?

      1. Glitterstorm

        Yes. They added Gen 2 recently. I take my nieces and nephews to the park all the time.

    4. leonadasiv

      This is straight up extortion (as all taxes are), but on a more transparent level.

  5. Rhywun

    I tried that Kerrygold butter once and it tasted gamey to me. Probably just not used to it.

    1. Slammer

      Is this a lube story? ?

      1. Rhywun

        No, I’ll leave those to jesse.

        1. Slammer

          Aaaaaand he’s here

          1. jesse.in.mb

            Hurtful, both of you.

    2. jesse.in.mb

      Do you like other cultured butters?

      1. Pat

        I like mine provincial and unspoiled.

      2. Somehow I think this is appropriate.

    3. Tundra

      We use a ton of it. For the money, it’s pretty damn good.

    4. another Kevin

      Funny you say that. I love using it to pan roast venison tenderloin as the flavors really complement each other. Nobody else I know seems to notice, but it makes the pan drippings taste incredible.

      1. Rhywun

        I don’t like the taste of grass-fed beef either, FWIW.

        1. Tundra

          ಠ_ಠ

        2. juris imprudent

          Swiss? Swiss? Dammit…

          *narrows gaze*

        3. Swiss Servator

          Late, but needed.

          *narrows gaze*

    5. Chipwooder

      I resisted buying it forever because I am a fundamentally cheap man and paying 6 bucks for half as much butter as I can get for 3 pained me. Bought it once at my kids’ request, and now we use it all the time.

      1. Yeah, I’m a cheapskate too. Well, it’s not like I’m a high earner anyway. 🙁

    6. browncoat

      I have never and will never try it. The Kerrygold branded swiss cheese was easily the worst I have ever tried.

  6. R C Dean

    Ah, yes. Sally Yates, of the infamous “Yates Memo”, instructing prosecutors that whenever they went after a business, she wanted actual human scalps on the wall. Every time. Thus, the misconduct in this case.

    Believe it or not, there are a lot of technical violations of federal law that businesses can commit that do not require any criminal intent or activity by actual human beings. But Yates wanted scalps, dammit. Scalps of those scumbag 1 percenter executives.

    Good riddance to bad garbage. Now, if the new AG or one of his minions will just retract the Yates Memo.

    1. Pat

      Believe it or not, there are a lot of technical violations of federal law that businesses can commit that do not require any criminal intent or activity by actual human beings.

      Wait a minute, how long has this been going on?

  7. Pat

    State rep introduces bill to stop Texans from using Chilean flag emoji

    A Texas lawmaker hopes to pass legislation to discourage people from using the Chilean flag emoji to represent the Texas flag.

    Republican State Representative Tom Oliverson authored House Concurrent Resolution 75 “urging Texans not to use the flag emoji of the Republic of Chile when referring to the Texas flag.”

    “All too often, the Chilean flag emoji is used as a substitute for the Lone Star Flag in text messaging and on social media platforms; the Chilean flag proudly represents its country but, despite its similarity to the Texas flag, it does not represent the State of Texas,” the resolution states.

    Oliverson pointed out that while most major electronic messaging applications include the flag of Chile in their standard flag packages the state flag of Texas is often not available.

    He went on to argue that while the two flags share an identical color scheme and a single star, each flag uses those colors and symbols to convey different ideals.

    1. I have no idea where to find the emoji in my smarthone’s messaging app.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        I had no clue until my 7 year old daughter showed me how.

        I’m already one of those old people who needs to be shown how to use technology by a young’n.

    2. The Fusionist

      So Chile is Laurel, and Texas is Hardy?

    3. Slammer

      Texas is ??

      Chile is ?

    4. Suthenboy

      Texas taxpayer confidence in state reps restored.

      1. thrakkorzog

        There’s a reason we only let them meet a few weeks every two years.

    5. Viking1865

      I want to believe the following conversation occurred:

      “Damm it Tom, we only meet a for a couple weeks every other year, and you’re wasting time with this bullshit! We have taxes to pass! Regulations to enact!”

      “Exactly. Gonna talk about this damn fool emoji thing instead. Get the fuck out of my office.”

  8. Pat

    How drug development is speeding up in the cloud

    Developing a drug from a promising molecule to a potential life-saver can take more than a decade and cost billions of dollars.

    Speeding this process up – without compromising on safety or efficacy – would seem to be in everyone’s interests.

    And cloud computing is helping to do just that.

    “Cloud platforms are globally accessible and easily available,” says Kevin Julian, managing director at Accenture Life Sciences, Accelerated R&D Services division.

    “This allows for real-time collection of data from around the world, providing better access to data from inside life sciences companies, as well as from the many partners they work with in the drug development process.”

    1. Speeding this process up – without compromising on safety or efficacy – would seem to be in everyone’s interests.

      Everybody’s but the bureaucrats.

  9. Tundra

    H/t Pope Jimbo

    He is gonna be so happy.

  10. DOOMco

    Pat, you’re just crushing these links.

  11. Drake

    I’m skeptical of the site, but this would be fun…

    “White House Fingers John McCain As Media Leak”

    http://truepundit.com/exclusive-white-house-fingers-john-mccain-as-media-leak-believes-u-s-senator-eavesdropped-on-trumps-classified-phone/

    1. If that’s true, wouldn’t that be a violation of wiretapping laws since McCain isn’t a sworn peace officer with a warrant that had been approved by a judge?

      Serious question.

      1. juris imprudent

        I’m assuming this is a crude attempt at a two-fer (since the drooling idiots of the left love them some drooling idiot of the right).

      2. And he doesn’t get the congressional exemption since this isn’t part of his job.

    2. Wouldn’t surprise me.

    3. Juvenile Bluster

      …that sounded like the beginning of a SugarFree story.

    4. Banjos

      Phrasing!

    5. Well, on the bright side, as we traipse back down the path to the bad old Lawn Order Republicans, we’ll get to watch this administration and the establishment eat each other.

      *pops popcorn in a safe and regulated manner*

      1. Slammer

        Make sure to use Kerrygold butter on the popcorn

    6. Pan Zagloba

      Even SugarFree would balk at fingering McCain. Trump’s America….

    7. Suthenboy

      I am not sure how McGramps would get hold of the info. I can see him handing it to the press which at first glance appears to be a serious crime…but he got it from someone in the intelligence community.

  12. The Fusionist

    committed to bringing you the good, the bad, and the ugly

    “MODESTO, CALIF. It took all of six minutes for San Diego Bishop Robert McElroy to rouse a crowd of nearly 700 community organizers and social justice “protagonistas” by calling them to become disrupters and rebuilders amid current American politics.
    The speech, 20 minutes in length but interrupted nearly two dozen times by cheers and applause, took head on key policies of the early presidency of Donald Trump.

    ““President Trump was the candidate of disruption. He was the disrupter, he said,” McElroy told those gathered here Saturday morning for the U.S. regional meeting of the World Meeting of Popular Movements. “Well now, we must all become disrupters.”

    ““We must disrupt those who would seek to send troops into our streets to deport the undocumented, to rip mothers and fathers from their families. We must disrupt those who portray refugees as enemies, rather than our brothers and sisters in terrible need. We must disrupt those who train us to see Muslim men and women and children as sources of fear rather than as children of God. We must disrupt those who seek to rob our medical care, especially from the poor. We must disrupt those who would take even food stamps and nutrition assistance from the mouths of children,” the bishop said.”

    1. Rhywun

      I’ve noticed that NY’s archbishop has stayed not woke as I expected.

    2. Slammer

      So tedious

    3. Pan Zagloba

      So…second Cadaver Synod when Francis pops the clogs?

      Forget Benedict, when you make Borgia look good…

  13. Glitterstorm

    Bears seeking trade for Jay Cutler. Yet Trump is SILENT.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Progs cried that he hadn’t said anything about the anti-Semitic attacks.

      He said something about the anti-Semitic attacks.

      Now they’re attacking him for saying something.

      1. Glitterstorm

        What attacks? What’d he say?

          1. Rhywun

            FFS

          2. Glitterstorm

            Thank you. I’m missing what Trump is doing wrong here.

          3. Mythical Libertarian Woman

            Existing.

  14. The Fusionist

    The same conference, covered in a somewhat more conservative Catholic site

    “POPE AND CLERGY OFFER REMARKS AT MARXIST-INSPIRED EVENT

    “‘Conferences like these are a replaying of the trial of Our Blessed Lord, where the crowd called for Barabbas, rather than Christ’

    “Michael Hichborn of the Lepanto Institute told Church Militant, “The Catholic Campaign for Human Development had a long history of funding Marxist organizations. The CCHD, as well as PICO and Gamaliel, are the brain-children of Marxist radical Saul Alinsky.”

    “”When examining these groups in an historical context, it’s pretty clear that they follow the model of communist front groups,” he explained….

    “Hichborn remarked, “Considering the presence of Marxists and population-control enthusiasts at the Pontifical Academy of Social Science, I think the timing of this event in California and the population control meeting taking place in Rome at the end of the month is not a coincidence.”

    “While these movements appear to be Catholic-friendly, Hichborn clarified that they arise from a spirit of rebellion: “So-called ‘popular movements,’ which are rooted in materialist revolutionist ideals, have no concern for the salvation of souls, but seek to create chaos, division, confusion, and ultimately, violence,” he said. “By agitating poor and uneducated people with speeches and marches about inequality, these movements water the seeds of pride, envy and wrath.””

    1. Suthenboy

      Wait, dont y’all have a relatively new pope? As soon as he finds out about this he will put a stop to it.

      1. The Fusionist

        We were spoiled with a string of good Popes – not perfect, but good ones.

        Now we get to find out what late-medieval Europeans knew: What it’s like to be under a bad Pope.

        1. Lafe Long

          What it’s like to be under a bad Pope.

          I’m sure there’s a Milo joke there somewhere…

  15. The Fusionist

    St. Louis just added a new protected-class status to its “civil rights” ordinance – you’ll never guess what it is!

    1. Tundra

      Russians?

    2. Pat

      Number 6 will amaze you!

    3. The Fusionist

      HINT: Rhymes with “contortion.”

      1. MikeS

        extortion?

        1. Damn your nimble contortionist fingers!

      2. Extortionists are a protected class?

      3. If it’s abortion, I’m going to blame you.

        1. The Fusionist

          It’s a legitimate news article, they’re telling landlords and businesses they can’t discriminate against women because they’ve had abortions.

          And the state legislature is thinking of undoing what St. Louis is doing.

          Hey, it wasn’t me, I’m just the linker.

          1. The Fusionist

            Is this another example of Don’t Mention the War?

            I can always do cat videos, but they don’t seem as substantive.

          2. Women shouldn’t be telling prospective landlords they’ve had an abortion. After all, it’s a choice.

            What’s next, protected status for furries and Juggalos?

          3. The Fusionist

            It may also apply if a Planned Parenthood wants to rent space from a prolife mall owner, for example.

          4. juris imprudent

            Of course they have to tell everyone, so everyone can fawningly tell them how wonderful they were for fucking, conceiving and terminating.

          5. Seguin

            And Lord help you if you refuse to bake the juggalos a Faygo cake.

          6. Slammer

            Enlighten me. I’m trying to imagine a scenario where it would even be brought up with an employer or a landlord

          7. The Fusionist

            From the article, they’re worried about prolife pregnancy centers requiring their staff to be prolife, and landlords renting to abortion clinics.

            The link in the article, purportedly toward the remedial state bill, doesn’t seem to provide the text, so the details are unclear to me.

          8. The Fusionist

            OK, I found the ordinance

            “An ordinance to prohibit discrimination based on a person’s reproductive health decisions or pregnancy; and containing a severability clause and an emergency clause.”

            “…It shall be a prohibited discriminatory employment practice…For an employer to fail or refuse to hire, to discharge or otherwise to discriminate against any individuals with respect to compensation or the terms, conditions or privileges of employment, because of their reproductive health decisions or pregnancy status (including childbirth or a related medical condition). However, nothing in this ordinance shall require a religious institution, corporation, association, or society to provide reproductive health benefits of any kind…”

            [labor unions can’d discriminate either, etc.]

            “(6) Nothing in this Ordinance shall prohibit a religious institution, corporation, association, society, health care facility or educational institution with historic religious affiliation from:
            i. Prohibiting the provision of any reproductive health service on property owned or leased by it;
            ii. Refusing to provide or pay for any reproductive health service to any patient, student or employee; or
            iii. Refusing to provide health insurance coverage to any employee for any reproductive health service….

            “It shall be a prohibited housing or realty practice and shall constitute a discriminatory housing
            14 practice… For any person, including, without limitation any real estate broker, salesman or agent, or any employee thereof, to discriminate against any individuals because of their reproductive health decisions or pregnancy status (including childbirth or a related medical condition), with respect to the use, enjoyment or transfer, or prospective use, enjoyment or transfer, of any interest whatsoever in realty, or with respect to the terms, conditions, privileges or services granted or rendered in connection therewith, or with respect to the making or purchasing of loans for the purchase or maintenance of residential real estate or loans in the secondary market, or the provision of other financial assistance, or with respect to the terms, conditions, privileges or services granted or rendered in connection with any interest whatsoever in realty, or with respect to the making of loans secured by residential real estate”

            [also exempts religious institutions or institutions with historic religious affiliation]

          9. The Fusionist

            Behold the ordinance

            Bans discrimination in employment or real estate transactions based on “reproductive decisions,” exceptions for religious institutions or institutions which have historically had a religious affiliation.

          10. Slammer

            Nevermind, I got it

          11. DenverJ

            Well, at least we still have Eddy to introduce abortion into unrelated threads…
            I keed, Eddy, I keed. You’re alright.

    4. Suthenboy

      Haven’t the proggies made so many groups protected and special that they have encompassed the entire human race by now?

      1. The Fusionist

        With a few exceptions, like right-wing religious nuts, and Republicans…and white Southerners.

        1. Glitterstorm

          Am a white southerner, can confirm.

        2. Seguin

          Don’t worry, white gay men are about to drop out of protected status. Also passing transgenders.

  16. Mythical Libertarian Woman
    1. Rhywun

      She is so woke she spells her name wrong and wants you to know it.

      1. Also, I’ve received far better offers for How to Be Heard from other publishers.

        She just went with S&S because she wanted to throw a little something nice their way. So altruistic.

    2. Juice

      This is yet another example of how we are afforded the freedom of speech but there is no freedom from the consequences of what we say.

      Am I the only one with a major problem with this statement? I hear it a lot lately.

      There should be freedom from many of the “consequences” that could befall a person in retaliation for something they said. I know most people mean some sort of ostracism when they say consequences, but it also seems that anything is fair game.

  17. Juvenile Bluster

    Chicago wants to name a street after terrorist Oscar Lopez Rivera. For some reason, the child of one of his victims has a problem with that.

    1. John Titor

      You know what Chicago, you’re on the list.

      1. The Fusionist

        Without government, who will name the ROADZ after terrorists?

        1. The Somali people?

      2. Glitterstorm

        Chicago loves glorifying it’s shitty pizza and shitty criminals.

        1. Pat

          But is the pizza criminally shitty?

          1. Glitterstorm

            Yes. I hate it as we all know MY FEELINGS matter.

    2. Rhywun

      To be fair, it’s just one woke alderman, not “Chicago”. Watch it pass.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        It passed a committee though. Just needs to go through the full board. Probably will fail now, but wouldn’t have if this guy hadn’t made noise about it.

  18. Gilmore

    The actions of the federal government under her control were described by one juror as “nothing short of criminal”.

    This is weird… why have i heard nothing about this in the news today (or yesterday), and yet somehow i’ve heard 100 stories about @#*)$&@*( SWEDEN?

    I just want to say… these links were so high-quality, i nearly overdosed. Someone had been cutting my previous links with Buzzfeed and Self-Backpatting!, and i never knew.

    1. Gilmore

      why have i heard nothing about this in the news today

      I suppose the answer (having read the link) is, “Because you didn’t read the WSJ, jackass”

  19. DenverJ

    “Did Hitler ever eat tacos?” would be a question for Eva Braun.

    1. Slammer

      Finally someone thought it

      1. Pat

        I was going to make a Winston’s mom joke but I thought it was a little too on the nose.

      2. DenverJ

        I posted it pretty late, and before I read the comments. Surprised no one already said it. Immaturity is finally paying off.

        1. DenverJ

          Also, he did chew on carpet.

      3. Suthenboy

        Oh, I thought it earlier. It is the first thing that popped in my head. I dont remember where but vaguely remember reading somewhere that he liked lying on his back and having her squat over his face.

      1. NOT a Naked Intruder

        Oamien2 years ago
        I don’t usually eat Russian presidents, but when I do, I eat Putin on the Ritz

        Ted, who would’ve thunk that a Taco video would yield such comedy?

    2. MikeS

      Another one for her: did Blondi eat tacos?

      1. Seguin

        Rule34 says yes.

    3. Contrarian P

      I was waiting for the little mustache joke. You guys are letting me down.

  20. Gilmore

    Dear Planet = STOP CALLING EVERYDAY NORMAL SHIT THAT BOTHERS YOU, “TOXIC”

    Yesterday it wall all about how Uber was ‘Toxic’. Today, its women’s basketball. And its not because of the sexist dudes; its because “98 percent of WNBA players are lesbians”

    1. Glitterstorm

      Jesus.

    2. Slammer

      “It was a depressing state in the WNBA. It’s not watched”

      Because it’s boring as hell

      1. juris imprudent

        Well apparently the dykes love it.

      2. thrakkorzog

        “No can dunk, but good fundamentals.”

    3. BakedPenguin

      Women golf is more interesting. Well, at least some of the golfers are.

      1. DEG

        Thank you sir!

    4. Suthenboy

      “Wiggins said that she was treated poorly because she was straight. ”

      Lesbians giving the cold shoulder to someone who isnt one of them? Whoever heard of such a thing? That’s just crazy talk.

      1. juris imprudent

        She was not of the body.

      2. Seguin

        She didn’t participate in any of the post game rituals, like the celebratory pillow fight or communal lathering.

    5. Pan Zagloba

      “Me being heterosexual and straight, and being vocal in my identity as a straight woman was huge,” Wiggins said.

      The Onion has been superfluous for a while now, this just confirms it. Oh well, we had a good run.
      (Ironically, link is not The Onion site because they pulled that story at some point)

      1. Suthenboy

        “…vocal in my identity…”

        Ahhhhhh. So it wasn’t that she was straight, it was that she is an asshole. Got it.

  21. Gilmore

    Its like the Inverse Peace Prize

    Amnesty International Blames Trump For Collapse In Global Human Rights.

    Oh, and guess what? HES ‘TOXIC’ TOO

    1. Pat

      I have to really hand it to Donald Trump. Judging by the headlines I’ve read, he’s accomplished more in 1 month in office than Obama, Bush and Clinton did combined in 24 years.

    2. MikeS

      And he’s almost literally Hitler, too

      Releasing its 408-page annual report on rights abuses around the world Wednesday, the watchdog group described 2016 as “the year when the cynical use of ‘us vs. them’ narratives of blame, hate and fear took on a global prominence to a level not seen since the 1930s,” when Adolf Hitler rose to power in Germany.

      1. Juice

        At least they identified the problem group to ensure that others could separate themselves from them.

        1. Nice avatar.

      2. Glitterstorm

        Everything is Hitler.

        1. Pat

          Imagine how much better off Hitler would have been if instead of steamrolling over Europe he just registered a trademark on his name.

          1. Glitterstorm

            But that would literally make him like Trump!

      3. John Titor

        the year when the cynical use of ‘us vs. them’ narratives of blame, hate and fear took on a global prominence to a level not seen since the 1930s

        Fucking hell, the Congo had the largest war since the Second World War in the 90s and no one gave a shit you idiots.

        1. Glitterstorm

          “We can’t actually care about these people because we’re not sure how to use them”

    3. Pan Zagloba

      Nice try, but I had three beers already, so it just makes me giggle.

      Otherwise it’d be lots and lots of cursing, in a mixture of languages as appropriate to the task.

    4. Suthenboy

      Global Human Rights collapsed in a month? That was a house of cards.

  22. DEG

    Beer for the night.

    1. Hyperion

      I have this New Belgium Dayblazer Easygoing Ale. First time I’ve seen it, so I had to get one. Very smooth, fruity sort of light colored, nice lacing on glass. The I got this Schlossbrauerei Fatti Export Lager. I’m going to try this one next. Getting a nice buzz here.

    2. Seguin

      I’m sipping on becherovka.

    1. Glitterstorm

      Is Castro Trudeau’s real dad?

      1. John Titor

        I’ve been demanding an episode of Maury dedicated to it for months.

    2. Hyperion

      Translated: We’re taking all these fuckers that the US won’t take so that we look so liberal and caring, but once no one’s looking, we’re totally putting their ass on the next plane out out of here.

    3. Suthenboy

      So, doing the same thing Trump is but couching it in the right language coupled with all the right kinds of signaling.

      1. Pan Zagloba

        It’s the Canadian way! WOOOOO! We’re #7!

  23. Gilmore

    I posted this remark earlier, but i think it didn’t go through….

    these links were so intense and news-rich, i nearly overdosed. I belatedly realized that my previous links had been cut with Buzzfeed and self-congratulatory back-patting.

    1. juris imprudent

      I have a strong sense of deja vu. But what the hell, squirrel it up a little – it was worth saying twice.

    2. It went through. It wasn’t any funnier the second time, for what it’s worth.

      1. Pat

        Savage

        1. Pan Zagloba

          Brutal.

          1. John Titor

            *Sigh* Fine…Rekt.

          2. Pan Zagloba

            Pat fucked up the flow, but at least we can keep this place classy!

          3. Pat

            Pat fucked up the flow

            Savage… af

          4. Slammer

            ?????

      2. Gilmore

        You’re right. My sauce was weak. I require a purging of the humors.

        1. Hyperion

          Here you go:

          Cuticura System of Curing the Constitutional Humors

          I have one of those in my collection of antiquities. It’s hard to read the embossing in that pic.

          BTW, target=_blank doesn’t work for in the links for some reason.

          1. Pat

            BTW, target=_blank doesn’t work for in the links for some reason.

            Probably disabled because of this.

          2. Hyperion

            Hmm, I doubt that. I have 13 servers running applications that use that in every link and I’ve never had any issues. Clients also have network and security teams and I’ve never been alerted about any issues with that.

          3. MikeS

            Lafe had a fix for that in the morning links

          4. Hyperion

            Thanks, I’ll go look for it. It just does not work.

      3. Hyperion

        Ted S nominated for sarcasm hall of fame.

        1. The Fusionist

          Ooh, that’s *such* a great honor!

  24. Cliche Bandit

    Love that hitler link…found this:

    Imagine watching a Chipotle guy assemble your burrito, walk you to the end of the line, and then throw that burrito into the garbage in front of you and kick you out. That’s what it feels like for a college coach to lose. No wonder they’re all crazy.

    Soon, does this explain The Ohio State Fu…Buckeyes?

  25. Hyperion

    “Kerrygold butter, one of the premier dairy products on the market, cannot be sold in Wisconsin”

    Yeah, well Wisconsin sucks. I mean it’s cold AND you can’t buy the butter that you want, right?

    Did you know that centuries… millennia ago, they were so ahead of that game. In the fair isle which is now known as the UK, the made butter and they buried it in the bog. I have no idea really, why they did that, but I suppose because there were no refrigerators. Or maybe because the vikings were coming and they really craved butter. It was called ‘bog butter’. No shit. And sometimes, apparently they would forgot where they buried it. So anyone could just go out and dig in the bog all day and on a good day, they would find some butter! Free from government snooping! You can even dig it up 2000 years after it was buried and you can still eat it! When’s the last time you tried to eat some 2000 year old butter out of the fridge? They had advanced alien butter technology!

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Question: Is the “posted at” time EST? Or did I see something about CST?

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Everything is CST.

      1. Hyperion

        Testing…

        1. Hyperion

          Ok. I assumed that the post shows for everyone in their own time zone? I’m EST and it’s showing correctly for me. Central time it’s now just after 8PM, but I’m seeing 9:02 on that last post.

          1. Pat

            All the post times show in CST for me. The one I’m replying to says 8:04, for example. I’m PST. You can probably change it in your account settings or something.

          2. Hyperion

            ^this^

            Or so I assume.

      2. waffles

        Whoah dude.

    2. SP

      It’s set to CST. Check with Trshmnstr. His client-side browser extension is a way to give you all a little UX control without impacting security or server usage.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Of course, I could have just posted something and then compared my local time (MST) with whatever showed up on the post. Look- it’s off by one hour, not two.

    Silly me.

  28. bacon-magic

    Kerrygold butter, one of the premier dairy products on the market, cannot be sold in Wisconsin. I’m sure there are perfectly legitimate and logical reasons to protecting consumers from a noted dairy established in 1961, and protecting the Wisconsin dairy farm lobbying interests had nothing to do with it.

    You can’t haves me gold!

  29. Glitterstorm

    Every emoji post Slammer makes has me wheezing with that avatar. Maximum chill posting.

    1. Slammer

      ??

  30. The Late P Brooks

    From the Yates story at Powerline:

    According to the Yates Memo, prosecutors must “focus on individual wrongdoing from the very beginning” of every corporate investigation and “fully leverage” resources to identify individuals for prosecution. Instead of a balanced approach to justice, the Yates Memo advocates an obsession with individual criminal prosecutions in order to recover “as much money as possible.”

    I guess Sally has been listening to those people whining about “No banksterz went to jail!”

  31. juris imprudent

    So out of curiosity I dropped over to the old neighborhood and sure enough dajjal was nowhere to be seen about the same time that CM has been stomping around here. It must have been so tempted to trot out a “Trumpencuckenwhatever” but couldn’t since that would’ve been a dead giveaway.

    1. Glitterstorm

      What’s the policy on troll banning?

      1. John Titor

        Trolls get dragged into the back alley for a donnybrook.

  32. butt-head

    I decided to hop on over to that other site for the first time in a couple of days, and what do I find? Pearl-clutching and libertarian-true-scotsmanning over something Milo Y. did or said—something to do with pedophilia???!? Oh god, is he guilty of some Jared Fogle–tier transgressions? That’s trashy tabloid news but certainly a big deal. Uh oh.

    What’s that? He talked about having had sex with adult men when he was a teenager?

    …..

    Jesus. Who cares?

    H&R is a cesspool. It’s depressing what it’s been reduced to. Having this site and its actually stimulating articles to contrast it with has made that starkly clear. I can’t go back. (I’m still not used to reading the articles. Stop being so interesting.)

    1. Pan Zagloba

      *shrug*

      I took a look at number of responses to those articles compared to the others, and, well…. only worse thing than being talked about is NOT being talked about.