Worldliness” is discouraged, and Laestadians frown on pre-marital sex and on alcohol consumption except in the sacrament of holy communion. Conservative Laestadians frown upon “sins” such as dancing, television, birth control, rhythmic music, make-up, earrings, movies, tattoos, and cursing. Some conservative elements within the church go even further in rejecting the ways of the world, for examples, refusing to buy insurance, prohibiting their children’s participation in organized school sports, and removing their car radios.
Fun people.
Scruffy Nerfherder
Laestadianism holds that when a Christian has committed a sin, whether in thought or deed, she or he should confess the sin to another believer. Thus it is a common practice among Laestadians in or out of church at any time, but especially during the church service prior to the rite of holy communion, to be confessing their sins to one another or, occasionally, to one of the church ministers performing the sacrament.
Hi Bob, I yanked it 5 times yesterday, can I get some forgiveness? How are you?
John Titor
“I know Scruffy, I was there, did you have to do it in church?”
Michael
So pre-marital sex is totally cool during holy communion?
John Titor
REMEMBER 1534.
Hyperion
Yeah and the Mennonites drive cars. Well, mostly pickup trucks.
Gilmore
There are a plethora of Consuelas
Mad Scientist
And yet, not enough.
Tundra
Never enough.
Chipwooder
After Consuela Lacarino, do you even need another?
Depends what kind of freaky shit you wanna be doing with them…
Vhyrus
Tell me Jefe… what is a plethora?
Tundra
Why, El Guapo?
Hyperion
A bunch of something, like a lot.
BakedPenguin
You’re complaining, bro?
BakedPenguin
Sorry, Gilly, I should know better. we both love a plethora of Consuelas.
Gilmore
I was hoping to provoke a new character, “Consuela Consuela Consuela Muygrande””, who murders all the other lesser-Consuelas in a fit of intra-Newsish rivalry
BakedPenguin
Not possible. However, there may be other Consuelas introduced. Newish Dispatch has to hire according to affirmative action rules, so they’ll probably be picking up lots of Latinas. I have no control over this, of course. Government requirements.
AlexinCT
They should go back and interview the same random drunken asshole though… That guy reminds me of someone important or something, and he definitely adds more credibility to their reporting than the other dregs pulled in by the not so woke, but very woke, media..
Behold!
Wait…they aren’t accusing Secret Nazi President of encouraging Islamaphobia?
Is Newsish’s case of TDS…getting better?
Vhyrus
You misunderstand. The hard hitting investigative journalism of Newish has uncovered a dastardly Amish plot to sow chaos and confusion while poor innocent mooselims are framed for their crimes, and Secret Nazi President is complicit in the entire scheme!
You using a double negative to dismiss the context? The rule doesn’t apply to secrer Nazi prezzes…
Hyperion
Well, everyone knows he’s a Nazi and he’s not really president, no one even voted for him! RUSSIANS!
Behold!
No, because while the enlightened media knows and the evil white supremacist males know, the poor, stupid women and minorities who voted for him are still clueless. Or are we still pretending that only white people voted for him?
Hyperion
Some white women also voted for him. Obvious traitors to the cause, whatever the cause is.
R C Dean
whatever the cause is.
Well, last year, it was “enriching the Clintons and fluffing Hillary’s ego.”
AlexinCT
This year it is to make the country unrunnable..
Chipwooder
That’s just what Secret Nazi President would WANT you to think!
Hyperion
Excellent!
DOOMco
I always knew the amish were part of Trumps Alt-right rise to the throne.
Hyperion
We should ban the bonnet as a symbol of terrorism.
Just Say’n
Consuela Lacarino- would
Gustave Lytton
The severed appendages continue. Clearly a dig at Muslim counties that hack off body parts as punishment.
BakedPenguin
Dude, if you’re complaining about the slightly weird arm angles of a couple reporters in the comic,the kindest possible thing I can say is you’re looking in the wrong place.
Gustave Lytton
A ha! BP doesn’t deny being a bigot!
(Not a complaint, just the usual teasing.)
BakedPenguin
Kind of. At least I understand when I hear crap from Rhywun, Jesse, Grizzley, or …(fuck, I can’t remember his handle, but he’s got a mink as an avatar).
BakedPenguin
Actually, I do need to make a “hunk correspondent” comic for MLW, Athena, and all the gay dudes mentioned above. I suspect (and hope) they’ll be forgiving of me if I don’t get the arm angle right…
one true athena
I think a half-dressed rugby player with “opinions” on something in the UK could work. Y’know, in the interests of Government Mandated Equal Time…
BakedPenguin
Sorry GL (and everyone), I was being a dick. And while I don’t generally have a problem with that, I was not being a funny dick, which is a crime. Assholishness without humor is unforgivable
Gustave Lytton
Nothing to apologize for. Text takes a lot of the usual communication nuance out.
Seriously, love the Secret Nazi series (and all of the content here). My own creative ability, other than snark, is approaching zero so greatly appreciate all of the high quality contributors to Glibs.
Two right, actually. They also struck down the patent office’s ban on offensive trademarks, also in a unanimous decision. Today is a good day for the first amendment.
Hyperion
*Progressive crowd in mourning, rends garments and pour ashes over heads*
Caput Lupinum
The management of the Redskins has been giggling uncontrollably all morning.
The Zenome Project
Washington, Caput, Washington!
/NBC
AlexinCT
As a fan, I am happy to see my Skins will get to keep pissing off virtue signaling idiots for a long, long time.
The Zenome Project
To be fair, this sex offender internet ban sounded like something that would’ve been bipartisan at the time because it just FELT so right!
AlexinCT
Worst laws I have seen are the ones passed in haste, without letting anyone look hard at them (especially when we get told we need to pass it to see what is in it), and done because of FEELZ. Its like these morons never understand unintended consequences or something.
FreeSociety
The only amendment that SCOTUS seems to care about consistently. All the other amendments can get fucked I guess.
The Zenome Project
(golf clap)
Gustave Lytton
Durham PD has officers surfing Facebook to see if there were any sex offenders posting?
Second, other that someone having Sex Offender in their profile (and even then), what other than the FYTW clause gives them any sort of legitimate basis for investigating semi-anonymous posters to determine if they’re sex offenders? A similar name is not a basis for sending subpoenas to Facebook except here on Planet Jail for Everyone.
Caput Lupinum
Listen, the cops were going to be surfing Facebook anyway, the union just wanted a way to make sure the time could be charged as overtime. Why do you hate out heroes in blue, Gustave?
Georgia’s Sixth doesn’t have much in common with the other districts near the top of this list. It isn’t a capital of some segment of the American elite, and there isn’t an obvious symbol of the district’s cultural, economic or political influence. Politically, the region has been reliably Republican for half a century.
In other words, So plain. So white. So boring. So unwoke.
The Last American Hero
So when they lose, again, but did better than in the general, is this another one of the long string of Team Blue moral victories that’s happened since November? That Moral Victory Congress is just crawling with Progressives.
AlexinCT
Do you have to ask, or is this snark?
EvilSheldon
Supercilious smugness must be as addictive as heroin. That’s the only possible explanation.
Hyperion
Ossoff’s 14 point lead in the polls evaporated. Which makes he think he’ll lose by 6-8 points. Russians to blame?
They really aren’t bothered by being as transparent as plastic wrap.
R C Dean
Since the last outfit to try and hack a Georgia election was our very own Department of Homeland Security . . .
Chipwooder
In any case, given what we’ve learned about the NSA, why would anyone simply believe that any hacking of US government systems was the work of any particular nation? The NSA apparently knows how to make any of their hacking look as if it were done by a foreign power.
AlexinCT
Stalin called it right: votes don’t count anyway. the count and who counts them, does…
commodious spittoon
RDA is the breakaway star of this series.
BakedPenguin
Zenu comin’. Can’t do nothin’ bout that.
R C Dean
+ 1 sawed-off shotgun.
F. Stupidity Jr.
“If someone says they gonna give you five bucks to cut off a toe, they should fuckin pay off”
Genius.
ChipsnSalsa
with nail polish?
Chipwooder
There are ways, Dude. Believe me, you don’t wanna know about them, but there are ways.
Wait, how do the Amish square up using assault rifles with the whole ‘low tech’ thing? I mean, it’s not electrical, but you’d think the Ordnung would restrict them to black powder or something.
Chipwooder
Black powder? I was assuming halberds.
Chipwooder
Anyone know who “Consuela Lacarino” actually is? I’d like to look for more pictures of her for, y’know, research purposes.
BakedPenguin
Sorry, broheim. I should have done more careful documentation when originally searching, because… yeah,
Vhyrus
BP, if you get me the original image I am about 90% sure I can find out who she is.
BakedPenguin
I can send you the image I downloaded.
Vhyrus
If you load it into the secret glibertarian archive I can get it from there.
AlexinCT
Before or after bunk time?
BakedPenguin
I uploaded it.
Chipwooder
*whistling Jeopardy theme*
Vhyrus
Answer is under the newest post by HM.
Juvenile Bluster
Via Real Peer Review. I know you guys say this isn’t possible, but I believe that this constitutes Peak Derp.
Nope, even if Peak Derp exists, the universe will immediately realign itself to ensure that further Derp exists.
Also, that’s not that dumb, it’s basically the social justice version of those weirdos in extreme Christianity who get really messed up over the fact that they have erections or want to masturbate. I mean, if this guy is volunteering to keep himself out of the gene pool I am not complaining.
John Titor
Also, holy shit, this guy was married to Andrea Dworkin despite claiming to be gay, no wonder he’s so fucked up.
BakedPenguin
“…married to Andrea Dworkin….”
JESUS…. WHY? What positive benefit could you ever… never mind, never mind.
BakedPenguin
I mean, that’s right up there with the backwoods farmer who fucked his pig. Jesus, asshole, just jerk off or something.
NOT a Naked Intruder
Well, he is Dworkin crazy.
Hyperion
Holy shit, that is just incredibly stoopid.
Raston Bot
SJWs chased Real Peer Review away from Twitter. New Real Peer Review is run by a foreign lady beyond their grasp.
FreeSociety
So boners are just tools of rape? TELL STEVE SMITH SOMETHING HE NOT KNOW ALREADY
Fatty Bolger
Dude clearly has a fucked up dong. I actually feel a little bad for him.
AlexinCT
2 inches when hard…
SugarFree
XENU! XENU! XENU!
BakedPenguin
RDA is Tom Cruise’s long lost older brother…
SugarFree
If you pause All The Right Moves carefully, you can see RDA’s hand covering Tom’s penis.
BakedPenguin
Crap, my VHS is broke…
I’ll just watch my DVD of Taps where Cruise goes psycho in the end and gets shot.
I will admit that I enjoyed reading that waaaaay more than I should have.
BakedPenguin
Heh. That is good.
Chipwooder
Oh, is he looking at Consuela’s picture too?
Vhyrus
As I have said, let them go, let them put their single payer nonsense into play, let them become northern Venezuela, let them beg us for help, at which point we renegotiate the terms of their surrender in an extremely favorable way. Sell high, buy low.
John Titor
Won’t work out that way, your first Civil War has pretty solidly answered the question of secession in the American experiment. Not to mention the fact that you’d likely see a secondary secession as ‘Jefferson’ breaks off to rejoin the U.S. Besides, before they fell apart they’d likely be doing things that have the potential for long term problems for the United States itself.
Minor problems would be stuff like Mexico’s lower classes pouring into the state and then spilling over into the rest of the country, major problems would be California running out of money and then having the Chinese offer to foot their bill for awhile…in return for stationing troops and building bases on North American soil.
Hyperion
having the Chinese offer to foot their bill for awhile…in return for stationing troops and building bases on North American soil.
Of course, we would never allow that to happen, regardless of their independence that will get them a full scale invasion from the US military.
John Titor
Might as well cut out the middleman and crush them as soon as they try to declare independence then, because that’s likely the end result, California as a puppet state.
Caput Lupinum
Long term best realpolitik solution would be to let the situation fester until the actually try to secede. If they do, the feds have an established casus belli and can invade without much foreign interference. They can also immediately re-admit break aways like Jefferson under expedited rules like they did for West Virginia. The combination of that splintering, the loss of major businesses like Hollywood, and the crack down during the reconstruction period, California would never be a political force in America ever again.
If they never get around to seceding, because they eventually realize that it would require work, then it gives the dumber west coast idiots a release valve for their stupidity. The feds have little to gain from interfering, and much to potentially gain from letting them be.
commodious spittoon
I wouldn’t call it secession. More like abscession. They’re not stuck in here with us. We’re stuck in here with them.
Hyperion
Unfortunately, they’re not going anywhere. Who’s going to bail them out when they go broke? Maybe they become allies with Russia to get bailed out. That would be sort of derptastic.
AlexinCT
Don’t give them ideas… these are not very bright people, and they are ruled by a bunch of gangsters that care not a bit about them as long as they get to rob the bank…
F. Stupidity Jr.
I’m going to start a resettlement program for any citizens of California who do not wish to be part of the new Republic.
Granted, I’m only offering to house Consuelas, but I’m doing my part.
“I identify as a Californian named Consuela. Youse guys got a problem with dat?”
AlexinCT
Show us your tits?
Chipwooder
It isn’t that Californians have an undying love for the U.S. The voters who were surveyed said compromise would be better than taking a chance on the state losing federal funding.
That sweet, sweet federal funding
Grumbletarian
However, it should not be assumed the California Freedom Coalition wants total freedom. The proposed amendment holds out the possibility the state could be “sovereign and autonomous” without actually breaking away from the U.S.
#CalOnlyOneFootOutTheDoorInCaseWeNeedABailout
Q Continuum
I think we need to know Consuela Locarina’s real identity. For research purposes.
I can’t see how I missed that, since the hand is right next to…I mean, yeah, two right hands, I knew that.
Mad Scientist
So, she’s ambidextrous?
BakedPenguin
Okay, okay, okay. I promise to never upload a photo of any pretty woman unless I can photo-realistically represent her in complete human form.
Everyone, thank P Brooks for my reformation.
Q Continuum
But does she have two right breasts?
Chipwooder
Good question. Why don’t I do a thorough, hands-on evaluation to determine if that’s true?
BakedPenguin
Wait a sec – no she doesn’t, you fucking retarded retard.
Her left hand is a mirror of her right.
Maybe if your replied like everyone else you’d get this. I BLAME YOU!
Raston Bot
under what creative commons licensing agreement are you assuming you can appropriate RDA’s clipart image?? you bastards!
The Late P Brooks
Everyone, thank P Brooks for my reformation.
I wasn’t necessarily *complaining* I just couldn’t help noticing, one day. I thought it was part of the overall gestalt.
The Late P Brooks
no she doesn’t, you fucking retarded retard.
I get it. Penguins are just not that thumb-savvy. But you’re never going to convince me that’s a *left* hand. Maybe she was in some sort of horrific rainforest chainsaw accident, and all they had in stock at the hospital that day were righties.
DEG
You know, Rumspringa can get pretty wild.
Becky, Consuela, and Consuela: foursome.
DenverJ
Excellent, as always. And who the hell wastes time looking at hands?
Comments
141 responses to “THE CONTINUING AWESOME ADVENTURES OF SECRET NAZI PRESIDENT!!11!1! Vol 21: Holy War Chronicles”
Buggy bombs? I would think they’d be forbidden as too prideful.
The main concern isn’t pridefulness, it is things that blow the community apart. So to speak.
How dare they disparage the Amish like this. Terrorism is clearly the fault of he Mennonites.
THEY GAS POWERED LAWNMOWERS AND THEY ARE COMING FOR US!
Nah, it’s the Laestadians.
Fun people.
Hi Bob, I yanked it 5 times yesterday, can I get some forgiveness? How are you?
“I know Scruffy, I was there, did you have to do it in church?”
So pre-marital sex is totally cool during holy communion?
REMEMBER 1534.
Yeah and the Mennonites drive cars. Well, mostly pickup trucks.
There are a plethora of Consuelas
And yet, not enough.
Never enough.
After Consuela Lacarino, do you even need another?
Define “need.”
Nobody needs 23 types of Consuela.
Depends what kind of freaky shit you wanna be doing with them…
Tell me Jefe… what is a plethora?
Why, El Guapo?
A bunch of something, like a lot.
You’re complaining, bro?
Sorry, Gilly, I should know better. we both love a plethora of Consuelas.
I was hoping to provoke a new character, “Consuela Consuela Consuela Muygrande””, who murders all the other lesser-Consuelas in a fit of intra-Newsish rivalry
Not possible. However, there may be other Consuelas introduced. Newish Dispatch has to hire according to affirmative action rules, so they’ll probably be picking up lots of Latinas. I have no control over this, of course. Government requirements.
They should go back and interview the same random drunken asshole though… That guy reminds me of someone important or something, and he definitely adds more credibility to their reporting than the other dregs pulled in by the not so woke, but very woke, media..
Wait…they aren’t accusing Secret Nazi President of encouraging Islamaphobia?
Is Newsish’s case of TDS…getting better?
You misunderstand. The hard hitting investigative journalism of Newish has uncovered a dastardly Amish plot to sow chaos and confusion while poor innocent mooselims are framed for their crimes, and Secret Nazi President is complicit in the entire scheme!
Vhyrus gets it.
Wait, if everyone knows that Secret Nazi President is a Secret Nazi, does that mean he’s really Actual Nazi President?
You using a double negative to dismiss the context? The rule doesn’t apply to secrer Nazi prezzes…
Well, everyone knows he’s a Nazi and he’s not really president, no one even voted for him! RUSSIANS!
No, because while the enlightened media knows and the evil white supremacist males know, the poor, stupid women and minorities who voted for him are still clueless. Or are we still pretending that only white people voted for him?
Some white women also voted for him. Obvious traitors to the cause, whatever the cause is.
whatever the cause is.
Well, last year, it was “enriching the Clintons and fluffing Hillary’s ego.”
This year it is to make the country unrunnable..
That’s just what Secret Nazi President would WANT you to think!
Excellent!
I always knew the amish were part of Trumps Alt-right rise to the throne.
We should ban the bonnet as a symbol of terrorism.
Consuela Lacarino- would
The severed appendages continue. Clearly a dig at Muslim counties that hack off body parts as punishment.
Dude, if you’re complaining about the slightly weird arm angles of a couple reporters in the comic,the kindest possible thing I can say is you’re looking in the wrong place.
A ha! BP doesn’t deny being a bigot!
(Not a complaint, just the usual teasing.)
Kind of. At least I understand when I hear crap from Rhywun, Jesse, Grizzley, or …(fuck, I can’t remember his handle, but he’s got a mink as an avatar).
Actually, I do need to make a “hunk correspondent” comic for MLW, Athena, and all the gay dudes mentioned above. I suspect (and hope) they’ll be forgiving of me if I don’t get the arm angle right…
I think a half-dressed rugby player with “opinions” on something in the UK could work. Y’know, in the interests of Government Mandated Equal Time…
Sorry GL (and everyone), I was being a dick. And while I don’t generally have a problem with that, I was not being a funny dick, which is a crime. Assholishness without humor is unforgivable
Nothing to apologize for. Text takes a lot of the usual communication nuance out.
Seriously, love the Secret Nazi series (and all of the content here). My own creative ability, other than snark, is approaching zero so greatly appreciate all of the high quality contributors to Glibs.
*Secret Nazi President
Says who? Best kind of humor imo bud..
So, SCOTUS gets one right, unanimously.
SCOTUS overturns NC internet ban
Two right, actually. They also struck down the patent office’s ban on offensive trademarks, also in a unanimous decision. Today is a good day for the first amendment.
*Progressive crowd in mourning, rends garments and pour ashes over heads*
The management of the Redskins has been giggling uncontrollably all morning.
Washington, Caput, Washington!
/NBC
As a fan, I am happy to see my Skins will get to keep pissing off virtue signaling idiots for a long, long time.
To be fair, this sex offender internet ban sounded like something that would’ve been bipartisan at the time because it just FELT so right!
Worst laws I have seen are the ones passed in haste, without letting anyone look hard at them (especially when we get told we need to pass it to see what is in it), and done because of FEELZ. Its like these morons never understand unintended consequences or something.
The only amendment that SCOTUS seems to care about consistently. All the other amendments can get fucked I guess.
(golf clap)
Durham PD has officers surfing Facebook to see if there were any sex offenders posting?
Second, other that someone having Sex Offender in their profile (and even then), what other than the FYTW clause gives them any sort of legitimate basis for investigating semi-anonymous posters to determine if they’re sex offenders? A similar name is not a basis for sending subpoenas to Facebook except here on Planet Jail for Everyone.
Listen, the cops were going to be surfing Facebook anyway, the union just wanted a way to make sure the time could be charged as overtime. Why do you hate out heroes in blue, Gustave?
How do you expect them to check up on Mike Nifong?
The elitism in this article about the 6th District race is predictably sickening.
In other words, So plain. So white. So boring. So unwoke.
So when they lose, again, but did better than in the general, is this another one of the long string of Team Blue moral victories that’s happened since November? That Moral Victory Congress is just crawling with Progressives.
Do you have to ask, or is this snark?
Supercilious smugness must be as addictive as heroin. That’s the only possible explanation.
Ossoff’s 14 point lead in the polls evaporated. Which makes he think he’ll lose by 6-8 points. Russians to blame?
Politico’s already got that hacking narrative well-prepped just in case.
They really aren’t bothered by being as transparent as plastic wrap.
Since the last outfit to try and hack a Georgia election was our very own Department of Homeland Security . . .
In any case, given what we’ve learned about the NSA, why would anyone simply believe that any hacking of US government systems was the work of any particular nation? The NSA apparently knows how to make any of their hacking look as if it were done by a foreign power.
Stalin called it right: votes don’t count anyway. the count and who counts them, does…
RDA is the breakaway star of this series.
Zenu comin’. Can’t do nothin’ bout that.
+ 1 sawed-off shotgun.
“If someone says they gonna give you five bucks to cut off a toe, they should fuckin pay off”
Genius.
with nail polish?
There are ways, Dude. Believe me, you don’t wanna know about them, but there are ways.
What about the Amish Mob?
Amish Mafia TV
Wait, how do the Amish square up using assault rifles with the whole ‘low tech’ thing? I mean, it’s not electrical, but you’d think the Ordnung would restrict them to black powder or something.
Black powder? I was assuming halberds.
Anyone know who “Consuela Lacarino” actually is? I’d like to look for more pictures of her for, y’know, research purposes.
Sorry, broheim. I should have done more careful documentation when originally searching, because… yeah,
BP, if you get me the original image I am about 90% sure I can find out who she is.
I can send you the image I downloaded.
If you load it into the secret glibertarian archive I can get it from there.
Before or after bunk time?
I uploaded it.
*whistling Jeopardy theme*
Answer is under the newest post by HM.
Via Real Peer Review. I know you guys say this isn’t possible, but I believe that this constitutes Peak Derp.
https://twitter.com/RealPeerReview/status/876813394657062913
Nope, even if Peak Derp exists, the universe will immediately realign itself to ensure that further Derp exists.
Also, that’s not that dumb, it’s basically the social justice version of those weirdos in extreme Christianity who get really messed up over the fact that they have erections or want to masturbate. I mean, if this guy is volunteering to keep himself out of the gene pool I am not complaining.
Also, holy shit, this guy was married to Andrea Dworkin despite claiming to be gay, no wonder he’s so fucked up.
“…married to Andrea Dworkin….”
JESUS…. WHY? What positive benefit could you ever… never mind, never mind.
I mean, that’s right up there with the backwoods farmer who fucked his pig. Jesus, asshole, just jerk off or something.
Well, he is Dworkin crazy.
Holy shit, that is just incredibly stoopid.
SJWs chased Real Peer Review away from Twitter. New Real Peer Review is run by a foreign lady beyond their grasp.
So boners are just tools of rape? TELL STEVE SMITH SOMETHING HE NOT KNOW ALREADY
Dude clearly has a fucked up dong. I actually feel a little bad for him.
2 inches when hard…
XENU! XENU! XENU!
RDA is Tom Cruise’s long lost older brother…
If you pause All The Right Moves carefully, you can see RDA’s hand covering Tom’s penis.
Crap, my VHS is broke…
I’ll just watch my DVD of Taps where Cruise goes psycho in the end and gets shot.
IT’S BEAUTIFUL, MANNNNNN!
Calexit is back!
Somewhere, Tom Kratman is at half-mast.
I will admit that I enjoyed reading that waaaaay more than I should have.
Heh. That is good.
Oh, is he looking at Consuela’s picture too?
As I have said, let them go, let them put their single payer nonsense into play, let them become northern Venezuela, let them beg us for help, at which point we renegotiate the terms of their surrender in an extremely favorable way. Sell high, buy low.
Won’t work out that way, your first Civil War has pretty solidly answered the question of secession in the American experiment. Not to mention the fact that you’d likely see a secondary secession as ‘Jefferson’ breaks off to rejoin the U.S. Besides, before they fell apart they’d likely be doing things that have the potential for long term problems for the United States itself.
Minor problems would be stuff like Mexico’s lower classes pouring into the state and then spilling over into the rest of the country, major problems would be California running out of money and then having the Chinese offer to foot their bill for awhile…in return for stationing troops and building bases on North American soil.
Of course, we would never allow that to happen, regardless of their independence that will get them a full scale invasion from the US military.
Might as well cut out the middleman and crush them as soon as they try to declare independence then, because that’s likely the end result, California as a puppet state.
Long term best realpolitik solution would be to let the situation fester until the actually try to secede. If they do, the feds have an established casus belli and can invade without much foreign interference. They can also immediately re-admit break aways like Jefferson under expedited rules like they did for West Virginia. The combination of that splintering, the loss of major businesses like Hollywood, and the crack down during the reconstruction period, California would never be a political force in America ever again.
If they never get around to seceding, because they eventually realize that it would require work, then it gives the dumber west coast idiots a release valve for their stupidity. The feds have little to gain from interfering, and much to potentially gain from letting them be.
I wouldn’t call it secession. More like abscession. They’re not stuck in here with us. We’re stuck in here with them.
Unfortunately, they’re not going anywhere. Who’s going to bail them out when they go broke? Maybe they become allies with Russia to get bailed out. That would be sort of derptastic.
Don’t give them ideas… these are not very bright people, and they are ruled by a bunch of gangsters that care not a bit about them as long as they get to rob the bank…
I’m going to start a resettlement program for any citizens of California who do not wish to be part of the new Republic.
Granted, I’m only offering to house Consuelas, but I’m doing my part.
“I identify as a Californian named Consuela. Youse guys got a problem with dat?”
Show us your tits?
That sweet, sweet federal funding
#CalOnlyOneFootOutTheDoorInCaseWeNeedABailout
I think we need to know Consuela Locarina’s real identity. For research purposes.
Do you even read comments, bro?
Shit. Apparently not.
I’m glad to see the true menace has been exposed at last!
I speak, of course, of the machinations of the Secret Nazi President. Keep it up, Newsish! I think he’s starting to buckle under the strain.
Consuela has two right hands.
TWO RIGHT HANDS.
I think she works for Zenu.
I can’t see how I missed that, since the hand is right next to…I mean, yeah, two right hands, I knew that.
So, she’s ambidextrous?
Okay, okay, okay. I promise to never upload a photo of any pretty woman unless I can photo-realistically represent her in complete human form.
Everyone, thank P Brooks for my reformation.
But does she have two right breasts?
Good question. Why don’t I do a thorough, hands-on evaluation to determine if that’s true?
Wait a sec – no she doesn’t, you fucking retarded retard.
Her left hand is a mirror of her right.
Maybe if your replied like everyone else you’d get this. I BLAME YOU!
under what creative commons licensing agreement are you assuming you can appropriate RDA’s clipart image?? you bastards!
Everyone, thank P Brooks for my reformation.
I wasn’t necessarily *complaining* I just couldn’t help noticing, one day. I thought it was part of the overall gestalt.
no she doesn’t, you fucking retarded retard.
I get it. Penguins are just not that thumb-savvy. But you’re never going to convince me that’s a *left* hand. Maybe she was in some sort of horrific rainforest chainsaw accident, and all they had in stock at the hospital that day were righties.
You know, Rumspringa can get pretty wild.
Becky, Consuela, and Consuela: foursome.
Excellent, as always. And who the hell wastes time looking at hands?