Thursday Morning Urinary Emergency Links

Sorry, this is literally last minute. But the link quality will be to our usual standards.

I am convinced that Roy Moore is Gloria Allred’s spirit animal.

Riven Hardest Hit. There really is such a thing as over-sharing.

My cynicism meter went to 11 when I read this– the “concerned mom” works for an asbestos-litigation law firm, and the test lab she used is one that specializes in developing evidence for courtroom testimony in asbestos cases.

Try harder next time, Bono.

And in Old Guy Music, a song my band used to cover. I must have played this a thousand times.

Comments

531 responses to “Thursday Morning Urinary Emergency Links”

  1. gbob

    Laxitive abuse is an easy vice to fall into. It starts with just eating some edible laxitives, and eventually you’re just mainlining the stuff and never pooping.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      That pic though. That’s the picture of someone who just took a good shit.

      1. Suthenboy

        That’s a shit-eatin’ grin, alright.

        1. MikeS

          Is this the beginning of another crappy pun thread?

          1. egould310

            Crappy puns shall not be deterred!

          2. Waterfall Insurance

            Maybe something will get it blocked up

          3. Pope Jimbo

            A pun thread would be wrong. This is a serious topic and we shouldn’t make light of it.

            Apathy about laxative abuse cannot be tolerated. I’m fed up by most people’s “who give a shit” attitude.

      2. AlmightyJB

        Would. Not anal though.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      A month? She’s full of shit.

      1. *gaze narrows for a month*

    3. Pope Jimbo

      So when does the next article about kids butt chugging laxatives come out?

  2. I guess everyone is sleeping.

    1. straffinrun

      I think they’re on the can.

      1. That morning coffee usually does the trick.

        1. Festus

          Coffee and two smokes. It’s like the sun rising in the East and the split moon follows.

          1. Count Potato

            Poetic.

          2. Festus

            Yes. Yes it was.

          3. MikeS

            *nods head as one stoic tear rolls down cheek*

      2. ChipsnSalsa

        Speaking of…

        *heads off to the bathroom*

  3. Man with weird fetish is barred from possessing orange balloons

    Hunter is barred from possessing orange balloons as part of a series of measures designed to control his behaviour.

    Hundreds of photos showing girls either holding or blowing up balloons were found by police after they searched two properties linked to Hunter in Lincolnshire and Nottinghamshire earlier this year.

    The searches were carried out after it was discovered Hunter had been in contact with an under-age girl who he had previously covertly filmed on a bus.

    1. straffinrun

      Oh buoy.

      1. leonadasiv

        *Narrows roadways*

    2. Count Potato

      Why orange?

      1. Hunter orange, obviously.

        1. straffinrun

          ^There it is. Couldn’t find it myself.

    3. Endless Mike

      Do they float?

      1. straffinrun

        His boat.

      2. trshmnstr

        They all float down here.

        1. Endless Mike

          ^ This guy gets it

  4. The Late P Brooks

    Your kid’s sick? Just rub some dirt on it.

    1. Festus

      Sandpaper is a sorta, kinda dirt.

  5. Count Potato

    “Many of us have trained ourselves to be stealthy and secretive about our bowels, to make this act as unobtrusive as possible, to never be heard, and leave no clue behind. We’ve absorbed the idea that femininity means silently destroying our bodies, in some universal act of invisibility.”

    Because men just shit on the sidewalk?

    1. Old Man With Candy

      /looks around guiltily

    2. Who has time for that? I only shit walking at a full clip. Sometimes jogging.

      1. Suthenboy

        I read some of LaSalle’s accounts of exploring Louisiana. He claimed the indians here would do that. They would jog single-file all day long if they had a long distance to travel and they wouldn’t stop. They would just shit as they ran. I bet being the last guy in the line was a shitty job.

        1. Festus

          I think that story is full of shit. No human wants to step in the ooze if they can help it.

        2. Brett L

          I just can’t imagine swamp ass and dingleberries being a good combination. I think it would chap my ass.

        3. Suthenboy

          I cant believe I said ‘the last guy in the line’ and not ‘bringing up the rear’. I must still be asleep.

        4. Atanarjuat

          A 10k runner I know told me he saw another runner do it in a race, without stopping, so they didn’t lose any time.

          1. ElspethFlashman

            Yes. One of the dirty little secrets about the beginning of race lineups for larger races is that water bottles left behind by runners are full of pee. /eww teenage girl

          2. Mad Scientist

            Trucker bombs!

    3. Suthenboy

      I pulled up to a stop sign in La Paz, Bolivia and looked out the window at two Cholitas who were squatting on the sidewalk. They looked back at me, looked me right in the eye. Then they stood up and walked away leaving two steaming piles. Broad daylight, people walking all around and right past them in a relatively busy part of town.

      Not everyone has the same ideas about shit that we do, and when we call some place a shithole it isnt always metaphorical.

      1. Festus

        I told this story before but when I was in Mehico i wandered away from the tourist area and went body-surfing with human excrement. Not half a mile from the hotels.

        1. Mythical Libertarian Woman

          And then you got c. diff?

    4. Brett L

      I was a distance runner for a long time. I’ve shat damn near everywhere I wouldn’t be arrested for it.

      1. Atanarjuat

        Couldn’t you go before or after? Is that my Regular Privilege speaking?

        1. trshmnstr

          When you’re 15 miles into a 21 miler and your chicken enchiladas from last night send notice that they’ll be taking the next train out your asshole, you don’t get a choice.

          1. Brett L

            Yeah. I didn’t have to shit an hour ago when I started. I have another hour to run, but my sphincter can’t clench that long. Oh, I’m right next to the golf-course? There’s a convenience store? Park bathroom? I don’t care. The sweat keeps the germs from getting a good grip.

          2. Zunalter

            The sweat keeps the germs from getting a good grip.

            IFLS!

          3. C. Anacreon

            There’s a lot of people out there who take one dependable, regular dump at the same time each day, and are absolutely flabbergasted that everyone else can’t do that too. Take it from someone who’s done a lot of physical examinations.

    5. straffinrun

      to make this act as unobtrusive as possible

      Literally doesn’t think her shit stinks.

    6. STEVE SMITH WATCHES HIKERS SHIT IN WOODS. EASIER TO RAPE WHEN TROUSERS DOWN.

    7. Scruffy Nerfherder

      We’ve absorbed the idea that femininity means silently destroying our bodies

      I guess they’re shitting out of their vaginas now. That’s the only answer I can come up with to explain how femininity has anything to do with it.

      1. Festus

        Yeah. This one is beyond the pale.

    8. Pope Jimbo

      Take the poo to the loo!

      A fine tutorial for you sidewalk shitting apes.

  6. ChipsnSalsa

    My cynicism meter went to 11 when I read this– the “concerned mom” works for an asbestos-litigation law firm, and the test lab she used is one that specializes in developing evidence for courtroom testimony in asbestos cases.

    There is so much asbestos in the lab, everything tests positive!

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Is it a big deal if you aren’t inhaling it? I wouldn’t want to slather it on me but if it’s trapped in a tacky base the impact should be minimal if any.

      1. You and your logic…pfft!

        1. C. Anacreon

          Hey, he’s doing asbestos he can.

      2. kbolino

        There’s also the question of concentration. But that would be a fact, and reporters aren’t interested in those.

  7. What Does Sexual Harassment Include? Nearly Half Of American Adults Don’t Actually Understand

    This is fairly representative of the results of the entire poll, which revealed across the board that men have a far more permissive view of what constitutes sexual harassment than women and minorities do. Correlation doesn’t imply causation, but it’s worth noting that women and minorities are far more likely to experience sexual harassment in the workplace than men are.

    Other areas that the poll looked at include nonconsensual touching, which only 11 percent of women said was not sexual harassment, but which 19 percent of men said was acceptable behavior. There was a similar divide when the poll asked about “unwanted compliments about your appearance,” which women found to be significantly less acceptable than men, and which minority women found to be even less acceptable than white women did.

    Many commentators have already pointed out that the movement to eradicate sexual harassment must take into account more minority voices, and this study offers yet more proof of that.

    1. men have a far more permissive view of what constitutes sexual harassment than women and minorities do.

      Men = white men.
      Minorities = everyone else.

      Classy. I would ordinarily give the benefit of the doubt and assume it was sloppy composition, but nope, the author does it twice in just LH’s quote alone.

      1. Suthenboy

        Of course. Every single one of the left’s issues are trojan horses for socialism. They are all some angle on demoralization. Every. Single. One.

        1. Festus

          It’s like they’re your younger sibling and relish the thought that they can take you down. I’m the younger sibling and played by the rules, this shit is toxic.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I would phrase it as “nearly half of Americans disagree”. They understand.

    3. Festus

      So some chick approaching you and running her hand up your arm is rape now. Good to know! Get ready kids, weseabe Millionaires!

    4. wdalasio

      Other areas that the poll looked at include nonconsensual touching, which only 11 percent of women said was not sexual harassment, but which 19 percent of men said was acceptable behavior. There was a similar divide when the poll asked about “unwanted compliments about your appearance,” which women found to be significantly less acceptable than men…

      Let men start suing women for sexual harassment and see how long that disparity remains. Right now, the sexual harassment laws are totally and utterly non-objective. They literally rest on how the target of the “harassment” feels. Guys are expected to accept some women’s lack of boundaries and mind-read what boundaries are accepted when.

    5. Rasilio

      Gotta love the implicit assumption that the person with the broadest possible definition of sexual harrassment is axiomatically considered correct.

      Also…

      In the Reuters/Ipsos poll, for example, 19 percent of men said that touching someone intentionally without their consent was not sexual harassment, compared with 11 percent of women. The poll did not specify exactly what was meant by non-consensual touching.

      So we have a difference of opinion which is not terribly large to begin with on a vague question that invites a very large range of interpretations on exactly what it means, exactly the sort of thing SJW’s love because they can use the mantle of Science to “prove” their allegations about the existence of the patriarchy when it is far more likely that stems from differing interpretations of the nature of the touching being assumed

      1. Festus

        This. This is why I bailed on a promising career in the “Social Sciences”. It’s just a bunch of the like-minded getting together to judge what other people might pull off. It is bullshit! It’s babysitting for the kids that didn’t have the balls to try for a Masters Degree. Don’t get me started on Skinner…

      2. Zunalter

        Gotta love the implicit assumption that the person with the broadest possible definition of sexual harassment is axiomatically considered correct.

        I came here to say this.

    6. I worked on a project with a woman about my age who was one of those “touchy” people. She was very huggy, and would routinely stand and talk with me with her hand on my arm. Nothing suggestive about it, that’s just how she was. She was happily married and so am I. I never thought anything of it.

      I wonder now if I was being sexually assaulted, but I guess since I’m a white male cishet shitlord, it’s not possible for me to be sexually assaulted. So when she put her hand on my arm I guess I must have been sexually harassing her.

      Where do I report for re-education?

      1. Festus

        MAN NO NEED RE-EDUCATION! MAN NEED RAPE!

        1. Bobarian LMD

          What do you think re-education consists of?

      2. At the last company Christmas party, one of the HR crones came over to talk to people at our table. She reached over and put her hand on my shoulder as she’s busy gabbing with one of the VPs.

        Being the aspie that I am I don’t like to be touched by people I don’t know well – especially the ugly ones. It was distinctly uncomfortable for me. But I didn’t file a complaint – yet. 😉

        1. Festus

          I have stories but I’ll save them for another time.

    7. CPRM

      nonconsensual touching, which only 11 percent of women said was not sexual harassment

      I’m going to sue the pants off so many waitresses.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        I’m going to sue the pants off so many waitresses.

        This is the right way to sexually harass someone.

    8. Mythical Libertarian Woman

      Correlation doesn’t imply causation, but it’s worth noting that women and minorities are far more likely to experience sexual harassment in the workplace than men are.

      I know this isn’t what they were going for, but it sure sounds like like the reason they’re more likely to experience sexual harassment is because their definition of sexual harassment is broader.

      1. IntraveneousWoodChipper

        ^ “Correlation doesn’t imply causation” but we will ignore that directive and imply as such literally within this same clause by inserting our bullshit narrative.

        Nice.

  8. Imagine a dark and cold world, full of despair, misery and sorrow. This world is devoid of tits. Let us be thankful each and every moment that we are not forced to live in such a world.

    https://archive.is/xuh22

    I dig 39 even though I know my bunny would be doomed. 40 seems like the girl you take home to meet Mom.

    1. egould310

      12.

    2. Tundra

      35.

    3. DEG

      Orgy, but #7 has to clean her room first.

    4. Gustave Lytton

      I wish they always put the ink and body mutilations below the fold. A more pleasant start than usual.

    5. J. Frank Parnell

      2 seems promising, 5 is nice, but if I only get one I’ll probably go with 24.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Good morning. Have some rambling nonsensical shit for your shingle

    Senate Republicans especially benefit from the equal representation of thinly populated states in the nation’s midsection, which once regularly elected moderate Democrats like Ben Nelson of Nebraska, Tim Johnson of South Dakota and Max Baucus of Montana but increasingly favor Republicans in congressional races. Red states now substantially outnumber blue states; in the 2016 election, Donald Trump carried 30 states to Hillary Clinton’s 20 despite his loss in the national popular vote, while the outcome of every Senate race matched the state presidential result — a foreboding sign for the future fortunes of Senate Democrats.

    ——–

    Despite a 2016 campaign waged largely on cultural themes, the Republican tax bill represents the biggest legislative accomplishment of the current Congress — and, quite possibly, of the entire Trump administration. Though Mr. Trump once presented himself as a populist enemy of Wall Street, and though many corporations have come to adopt liberal positions on issues like immigration, gay rights and affirmative action, big business and wealthy individuals stand to benefit the most from tax cuts approved by congressional majorities elected on the basis of right-of-center cultural views.

    That is why the true winner of today’s culture war is corporate America.

    Blah blah blahbbity blah Tyranny of teh Minority! KKKORPORATIONS! Cultural oppression!

    Where’s the Kochtopus? Do we need to file a missing persons report?

    About those “moderate Democrats”: if they can only be expected to vote in lockstep with the Sanders/Warren crackpot socialist wing of their party, they’re just not going to get many votes in the flyover troglodyte hicktoverse.

    1. DIRECT DEMOCRACY NOW! DIRECT DEMOCRACY NOW! DIRECT DEMOCRACY NOW! DIRECT DEMOCRACY NOW! DIRECT DEMOCRACY NOW!

    2. Suthenboy

      “which once regularly elected moderate Democrats”

      So their bitch isnt really about the system, just about who is getting elected now. We must rework the system so they can start winning again.

      1. Festus

        Let’s gerrymander harder this time! It will resemble neural networks before the Progs are done.

        1. trshmnstr

          One man one vote is gonna be their next target. See, cis-hetero shitlords are the problem, and so trans black queer otherkin deserve extra votes to make up for the white supremacist homophobic bigoted patriarchy.

          1. trshmnstr

            I should point out that I’m not a huge fan of one man one vote, but there are good critiques of it and then there are SJW critiques of it.

          2. R C Dean

            Since it should be “one live, registered adult citizen, one vote”, I would say this particular standard has been under assault for some time.

      2. wdalasio

        which once regularly elected moderate Democrats

        Except the very same people who are bitching about this are the very same people who insisted that any Democrat to the right of Pol Pot was totally unacceptable. They don’t want “moderate Democrats” unless those moderate Democrats vote in lockstep with the far left.

      3. R C Dean

        They are still electing moderate Democrats, ideologically at least. Today’s Repubs are yesterday’s moderate Dems.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      This seems appropriate here

      When it comes to voter ID laws, Republicans care intensely about fraud while Democrats worry more about whether their own party will come out ahead, according to a provocative new academic study that challenges conventional assumptions about what motivates support for stricter voting laws.

      Voting-rights activists have long accused GOP officeholders of racism or political expedience in fights over voting laws, but the study suggests that at least for average voters, Republicans’ support is a good-faith assessment of dangers they see in illegal voting.

      Republicans respond to even small reports of voter fraud, seeing them as a reason to back stricter voting access, according to the research by John V. Kane, a professor at New York University, whose study was published in the latest Public Opinion Quarterly.

      Democrats, meanwhile, generally support voter-ID but their support is less firm. If told the GOP would suffer from stricter voter-ID laws, Democrats become more supportive, Mr. Kane found.

      1. Festus

        *Gomer Pyle Voice* “Surprize, Surprize, Surprize!”

      2. A Leap at the Wheel

        People who have met and spoken, civility, with at least two Republicans: No shit

  10. Brett L

    So both of my college teams had decent showings in their bowl games. FSU showed they’re a little better than their record pounding USM for the interim coach who has two nice victories with the exact same personel Jimbo Fisher got run out of a couple of stadiums with — but USM ain’t UM. My beloved Longhorns also came out and reminded Mizzou why they moved to the SEC.

    1. robc

      Not bad for a team that wasnt actually bowl eligible.

      1. robc

        Great comment I saw, with this win, FSU is now bowl eligible.

        1. Brett L

          I’m still sad about our loss to Miami. At least the UF streak is still intact. Ideally, Taggert will get us back to 9 wins and Jimbo Fisher will cry himself to sleep on big piles of money wondering how come the Aggies will never be good in the SEC.

  11. straffinrun

    Israel to name new Jerusalem train station after Donald Trump

    Israel’s transport minister has said he was pushing ahead with controversial plans to build a high-speed train network under the Old City in Jerusalem and declared its main station would be named after Donald Trump.

    At least he’ll keep the trains on time.

    1. You know who… oh never mind.

      1. straffinrun

        Kurt Cobain?

        1. ChipsnSalsa

          I think that is the answer for the Bono article.

      2. Thomas the Nazi Tank Engine?

        1. Vorsicht! Jeztz geh’ auf!

        2. ElspethFlashman

          Thank you for that, I lol’d, literally.

        3. Gustave Lytton

          Ran by Sir Toppem Mosley?

    2. Atanarjuat

      I’m torn. High speed underground train sounds like a costly big government boondoggle. But on the other hand, epic trolling.

  12. Count Potato

    “‘This is why we have eating disorders!’ Riverdale star Lili Reinhart slams ‘fans’ for sharing a body-shaming image that compares her lingerie-clad body to a Victoria’s Secret model’s”

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5215631/Fans-compare-Lili-Reinharts-body-lingerie-models.html

    1. Brett L

      Well, no. I don’t. But I also don’t get paid to meet a certain body standard.

      1. Waterfall Insurance

        Or subject your self to mass public scrutiny (I assume, I don’t know your job)

        1. Brett L

          Does camho count?

          1. Waterfall Insurance

            No that makes you a ho of attention instead of a ho for attention.

          2. Bobarian LMD

            Not if you can’t get anybody to subscribe.

      2. C. Anacreon

        She does at least look a little like the comics Betty, though probably not as athletic (wasn’t Betty more the tomboy of the two?)
        And where’s Veronica?
        Betty pole-dancing, I just don’t see that in the real Archie. I could more see Veronica, maybe for Reggie in his yacht cabin, when Reggie’s taken her away for a weekend on the Riviera.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’d show her my jughead.

      1. Festus

        I even own the hat1

    3. The Elite Elite

      Err, I’m not really seeing a difference between those two, body-wise. Both are skinny and unappealing.

      1. A Leap at the Wheel

        Yeah, they’d both fall over in a strong gust. Women have weird hang ups about other woman’s bodies, and have much narrower views of acceptability than men do. In general.

    4. invisible finger

      OK, so they’re both wearing the same lingerie. One is an attractive, anorexic model and the other is an attractive, non-anorexic actress. Not really sure where the shaming part comes in unless the actress has extremely low self-esteem/

  13. TW: The Guardian

    From ‘angry summer’ to ‘weird winter’: 2017 was riddled with extreme weather

    The fingerprints of climate change can be traced across 2017, with extreme weather events witnessed around the world; from supercharged storms, hurricanes, floods and heatwaves through to bushfires. 2017 has seen it all.

    As the year draws to a close, it remains on track to become the third hottest year on record and the hottest in a non-El Niño year. Despite the United States and Europe continuing their decade-long decline in greenhouse gas pollution, Australia has been missing in action. Australia’s pollution has been rising year on year since March 2015. This pollution is contributing to driving worsening extreme weather here and around the world.

    Damn Aussies, fucking up the entire world!

    1. Suthenboy

      I’d like to see the stats on these extreme weather events. I think they are lying….again.

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        Denier! Denier! burn him!

      2. Atanarjuat

        They’re having record snow around the Great Lakes. Someplace in upstate NY, a snowplow got stuck in the snow at the airport and planes couldn’t land. So… let’s talk about a heat wave that occurred in August!

        1. That much snow is also climate change, shitlord.

      3. Rasilio

        Unlikely to be an outright lie, more likely to be a matter of their getting to choose the definition of “extreme” that best fits their narrative. Same way they do with “mass shootings” where everyone assumes they are all cases like Sandy Hook or Columbine when in reality 99% of them are just drug gang shootouts

    2. kbolino

      Now global warming is making it colder. Will wonders never cease?

    3. C. Anacreon

      Has been rising ‘year on year since March 2015’? Yearly data going all the way back two years? Does that even count as a trend?

      1. A Leap at the Wheel

        Why March 2015? That’s a pretty obvious endpoint cherry-pick. If temp increase and decrease was a random walk, you would expect YoY increases in 25% of all two year periods. There are roughly 200 countries on the plant. In any two year stretch, you’d have to expect 50 countries that fit this trend due only to random chance with no warming signal.

        So no, this is not a evidence of a trend.

        There is evidence out there (over a longer period and with smaller trend lines), if these journalistic sacks of innumerate shit would look.

    4. A Leap at the Wheel

      We’ve broken up the globe into roughly 15 thousand zones. Look, a three sigma event in one of them!!!! Clearly a sign of the end times. Repent, sinner!

    5. mexican sharpshooter

      it remains on track to become the third hottest year on record and the hottest in a non-El Niño year

      These are starting to sound like baseball statistics. You know, the who the fuck cares[?] kind.

      “This is the first time a Honduran born player has hit an opposite field home run at Camden Yards since Jorge Villgarosa did it in 1977…”

      1. A Leap at the Wheel

        In defense of baseball statisticians, have you met any baseball fans? They need to make up for lack of sexual activity somehow, and lots of them choose obscure, useless statistics.

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          I am a baseball fan.

          1. Bobarian LMD

            And?

      2. Camden Yards wasn’t open in 1977. FAKE NEWS!!

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          Jorge Villagarosa is also a made up player.

  14. Count Potato

    “At the age of 16, she is already one of the top models in the industry.”

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-5216435/Kaia-Gerber-dons-green-camouflage-crop-LA.html

    I’d sign her yearbook.

    1. Festus

      Then you would go down in igniminious defeat in thirty years. Don’t do it, Man!

    2. The Elite Elite

      Oh God, are you serious? Look at those arms and that waist. That girl doesn’t look like she should even be alive. Eat something, quick!

      1. Count Potato

        My point is that the fashion industry promotes models who are teenagers. Most agencies won’t accept new models over 21. Some won’t accept new models over 19. Laws vary from place to place. Back in 2013, New York passed a law classifying models under the age of 18 as child performers to make it more difficult to put underage models on the runway. But there are still many models who are 16 and under, strutting around in high heels and full make-up. Yet, at the same time, someone running for office who may have been attracted to a 16-year-old was labeled a “pedophile”. (Never mind a 16-year-old can get married in Alabama.)

        1. So we’re memory-holing the 14 year old already? got it.

          1. Count Potato

            Like the twelve-year-old in the Calvin Klein ads?

          2. The Elite Elite

            14 is still postpubescent, so that still doesn’t make the man a pedophile.

          3. Yes, I know the term was used incorrectly like many terms, but Moore wasn’t called one because he may have been attracted to a 16 year old. He was called one (again , yes technically incorrectly) because as a 30 year old he dated high-school girls and may have made advances on a 14 year old. I am not arguing Count’s point that young girls can/have been sexualized just his minimization of the accusations against Moore.

  15. Not an Economist

    Finally a militia Newsweek can look up to. The nation can now be at peace.

    1. straffinrun

      Where do you buy a hammer and sickle belt buckle?

        1. straffinrun

          Classic style, fashionable item, suitable for young people.

          Actual LOL at that.

          1. ChipsnSalsa

            Price: $25.00
            Sale: $9.99

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        You don’t buy one comrade, they are distributed by the community to those who need them.

        1. Bobarian LMD

          You only need one if your pants are falling down.

    2. Count Potato

      ““The current political environment has seen armed militias intimidating people as they go into their mosques to pray, violent white nationalists attacking people in the street, Nazis openly calling for genocide all across the country, and political wavering around whether white nationalism is a defensible political ideology,” the group said in a press release sent to Newsweek.”

      Which Newsweek repeats without question.

      “It also claims to have members representing a variety of political ideologies, including libertarians, anarchists, communists and independents. But the members share the goal of countering the growth of white supremacist movements and building solidarity between diverse members of the working class and the poor.

      In order to stop white nationalists from recruiting working-class people into their movements, members of Redneck Revolt visit gun shows, flea markets, state fairs, Nascar races and cattle shows where white supremacist organizations are known to look for new members.”

      Yeah, sure.

      1. Festus

        Up here in Canada we dress for the occasion. Our Nazis wear those photon-fantastic colours from the eighties.

      2. Stinky Wizzleteats

        I saw one of those RR folks give an interview on some YouTube channel and I don’t think those horrible right wing militias have anything to worry about from those cucks.

    3. A Leap at the Wheel

      WHAT IS REDNECK REVOLT? THESE LEFT-WING ACTIVISTS PROTECT MINORITIES WITH GUNS

      Seems like if their goal is to protect minorities, they should focus their efforts on protecting minorities who don’t have their own guns. The Huey P Newton Gun Club is probably fine without their protection.

    4. RE: Headline fail.

      Why do they need to protect minorities with guns? They already have guns!

  16. The Late P Brooks

    There was a similar divide when the poll asked about “unwanted compliments about your appearance,” which women found to be significantly less acceptable than men, and which minority women found to be even less acceptable than white women did.

    Does that mean I won’t get in trouble if I say, “Holy shit, that dress makes you look fat.”?

    1. Brett L

      “Am I too ugly to tell you that dress is very flattering?”

      1. Brett L

        More seriously, though, at one job we hired this huge, kinda weird guy. I mean 6’4″, 300+, going to fat in his late 30s but I would probably still need an 8lb sledge hammer and a free swing to make a fair fight of it. He never triggered any of my threat matrices, just seemed like a standard weird IT guy. He got fired for complimenting a female client while too ugly. I mean, I would never have said, “you look really fit, do you work out?” to a female client in our first meeting, but damn did he get shit-canned on the QT. So yeah, don’t be unattractive and weird when complimenting a woman on her looks.

        1. Handsome privilege!

        2. Suthenboy

          To a client? Yikes. I’d have fired anyone for that.

          1. Festus

            I have a friend like that. Women find him repulsive but he doesn’t understand why. Truth to tell, neither do I. Just a normal dude. Pheremones, I guess…

          2. Number.6

            It’s an affront to their self-esteem that the only guy who treated them like that was an “uggo”. C’mon guys, this isn’t difficult. status+looks+attitude = The Win.

            Take any one of the three away and you’re on shaky ground.
            Take any two away and you’re gonna get hauled away to HR.

            The guy had good-ish attitude, but neither of the others, so he was toast.

  17. So I went and saw The Last Jedi yesterday. It had a few high points, but they tried to do way too much even for a 150 minute long movie (which by itself is a problem IMO). The entire subplot about the Casino Vegas planet could have so easily been dumped, but I guess they just had to shoehorn in a condemnation of capitalism, no matter how pointless and disjointed it was.

    **SPOILER**

    I don’t understand why Luke had to just up and die, that made no sense to me. Further problems, Rey spends, what half a day training and all of a sudden she’s a badass? Even Luke himself had to be trained by Yoda before he got any skillz. I do somewhat appreciate the fact that Kylo Ren didn’t just all of a sudden come back to the light side, that’s a tired old trope. I know we live in such a world now, but I could do without the quasi-racialist undertones in which all of the First Order is nothing but white-cis shitlords and the plucky Rebels are a cornucopia of multi-culti progs wet dreams. If we’re in a Galaxy far far away, why would any of that matter? This kind points back to more fundamental problems with the third trilogy overall anyway; WTF is the deal with the First Order? Why didn’t the New Republic deal with them when they were just the disorganized remnants of the Empire? Again, it undercuts the simple minded proggy “light vs. dark” in which they can go through wish fulfillment about “Resisting”; I can almost see the writers sitting at home jerking off thinking that Snoak is Trump getting cut in half.

    **END SPOILERS**

    1. robc

      Further problems, Rey spends, what half a day training and all of a sudden she’s a badass?

      Was there a training montage? Because that makes it okay.

      1. Waterfall Insurance

        Her being great is supposed to be an anybody can be the best Jedi message. That it isn’t heritage or training it’s luck and heart and so forth. It is intended to make Star Wars more welcoming for women and poc. The force isn’t just for white males. People complain that Leia didn’t come a Jedi but sometimes guys want to be space samurais ad their sisters want to be gorilla war generals.

          1. Waterfall Insurance

            I was expecting planet of the apes link

          2. RAHeinlein

            I was thinking Tony DeFranco (my elementary school crush):

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQZ7D36lM6A

          3. robc

            Is the G silent?

      2. Mr Lizard

        No there wasn’t like at all. And from my studies I’ve found montage training is the only way you stupid mammals become accomplished at anything

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Razorfist on The Last Jedi:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lojZXnH_978

    3. I can’t wait for Mr. Plinkett’s take.

      his The Star Wars Awakens Review

    4. Nephilium

      Continuing on the spoiler thread…

      The whole ship jumping to hyperspace being able to impact another just shattered my suspension of disbelief. If that’s possible, then create a whole bunch of bot driving jump drive torpedoes. Boom, you win.

      1. Waterfall Insurance

        Lots of things in Star Wars could be solved by robots or email.

      2. Stinky Wizzleteats

        Faster than light travel and space wizards and that’s what lost you?

        1. MikeS

          Snark Wars

        2. Nephilium

          Yep. I can handle FTL travel, it’s kind of necessary for light sci-fi. And the space wizards have rules as well. It wouldn’t have stuck in my craw so badly if they didn’t just have all of their other ships just run out of fuel and get shot down. Now, I’ve never been in the military, but I’m fairly certain if my choice is get shot, or take down the other ship with me, I’m taking both of us out.

          1. robc

            can handle FTL travel, it’s kind of necessary for light sci-fi.

            Niven and Pournelle apparently had multiple pages of differential equations explaining hwo FTL worked in the Motie universe.

          2. Nephilium

            I can believe it. I remember reading a story about Niven and how he tried to return the check for one of his early stories because a later discovery (I believe it was Mercury rotating) made it incorrect.

            With good sci-fi (and fantasy), you need to have rules for the future tech/fantastical elements and then stick to them.

          3. robc

            The Coldest Place , I think.

            I know in one of his collections he mentions how the science was proved wrong months after publication. He didnt mention trying to return the check.

          4. Dr Mossy Lawn

            The Ringworld was proven unstable

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ringworld

            So in the sequel he added a stabilization system.

            I liked how his teleportation systems had to compensate for momentum.

      3. mexican sharpshooter

        They can’t do that. Because if they did, they would have no need for a WW2 style bombing raid in the opening sequence.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          That was so stupid it was painful to watch.

      4. Maybe she was the first to try it?

        1. deepspeed

          Sure, the technology has only been around for 25,000 years.

      5. Not Adahn

        I can justify the lack of hyperdirve torpedoes in this way:

        1. Assume that realspace collisions can only happen in that pre-jump flicker that used to be called “pseudomotion” back before the Great Uncanoning.
        2. Assume that the length of the pseudomotion is proportional to the mass of the object jumping. For more fun, assume that the relationship is a higher order than linear.

        With that, it’s plausible that something torpedo-sized wouldn’t have enough time in realspace to actually collide with anything.

      6. Psycho Effer

        This, to me, was one of the two worst scenes in the movie. The other being Yoda the space ghost zapping the old Jedi tree with lightning. You have to change the laws of physics to have a fun space opera, but you have to keep your own physics consistent or else you might as well be a couple of ten year olds telling each other bullshit stories.

    5. gbob

      Allegedly the casino was to be run by Lando. It would have made sense if that happened.

      My big issues are that the actions of the main characters don’t matter. At all. Take away the main characters, and the events of the film move to the same outcome.

      Plus Rey remains a cipher, who has no other characterization other than “chick who is super good at everything. For reasons.” After three hours of movie time, I should have some sense of her as a character. I don’t.

      1. deepspeed

        “My big issues are that the actions of the main characters don’t matter. At all. Take away the main characters, and the events of the film move to the same outcome.”

        An even bigger issue for me is that now the actions of the entire original trilogy are irrelevant. The Republic has been destroyed, the Empire is back in control, the Rebels are on the brink of defeat, and a lone jedi upstart is poised to take on the dark lord of the Sith. The universe has been completely reset so that they can tell the same story all over again (now with a generous application of Disney’s SJW propaganda).

        1. Waterfall Insurance

          Maybe they will learn the folly of central planning on a galactic scale.

          1. deepspeed

            It’ll work this time because da wymyns are in charge.

        2. gbob

          Kind of makes you wonder how shitty the New Republic must have been where the majority of worlds would rather rush back to the new Empire within the span of a decade or so.

          1. deepspeed

            It says a lot about your #Resistance when you send out a call for help, in a galaxy of trillions, and absolutely no one responds.

          2. gbob

            They must have annoyed the rest of the galaxy by wearing space pussy hats everywhere on their galactic social media.

          3. mexican sharpshooter

            Well yeah, Leia has the absolute worst military mind in the Galaxy. I’d ignore them too.

        3. An even bigger issue for me is that now the actions of the entire original trilogy are irrelevant.

          This. Instead of building on the outcome of Return of the Jedi, they are re-hashing the original basic storyline. It sucks.

          The evil in this series should’ve come from somewhere else, and should not look like the Empire.

    6. wdalasio

      Further problems, Rey spends, what half a day training and all of a sudden she’s a badass?

      Because she has the magic vagina, Q. In the new Hollywood mythos, the presence of a vigina or skin complexion other than pinkish-tan means you naturally have the ability to perform feats and activities that it takes lesser mortals years to master.

    7. R C Dean

      Rey spends, what half a day training and all of a sudden she’s a badass?

      Why not? She never flew a goddam thing in the previous movie before she got into the Millenium Falcon and flew it like she had 10,000 hours flight time. She never picked up a light saber in her life and beat the best damn Force user in the galaxy on her first go. Her character alone ruined the first movie by utterly destroying any conceivable suspension of disbelief, IMO. Sounds like more of the same in the new one.

      1. Atanarjuat

        I’m all for empowering women, but suggesting to young girls they can beat up men in a fight without any training is cruel.

      2. trshmnstr

        Her character alone ruined the first movie by utterly destroying any conceivable suspension of disbelief, IMO. Sounds like more of the same in the new one.

        This. Everything I remember from Force Awakens and hear about this new movie tells me that it’s a reboot of the original trilogy but with the awesome parts replaced by SJW bullshit and unbelievable cliches.

        1. invisible finger

          Well it IS Disney. If they can destroy ESPN, they can destroy Star Wars.

      3. mexican sharpshooter

        Why not? She never flew a goddam thing
        She also fixed a problem on the Millenium Falcon that puzzled Han, Chewy and the robot that all more or less kept the thing running for decades, within a few minutes of looking at it. “I just bypassed the fuse.”

        1. Bobarian LMD

          That’s how she destroyed the Death Star, too.

          She knows a lot about fuses.

      4. Endless Mike

        This would be fixable with a memory loss/suppression backstory where she HAD received training (Lame, but better than “All that Jedi training doesn’t matter if you’re a NATURAL”) – this also would have made her “awakening” actually mean something. (Maybe she was a surviving student who cut herself off from the force like Luke, but it screwed up her memory?)

        1. Endless Mike

          I kept thinking that the staff thing she always carried around and handled so well would turn out to be her lightsaber – and she just didn’t remember how to fire it up.

        2. R C Dean

          This would be fixable with a memory loss/suppression backstory

          Sorry, no sale. It was pretty clear she had been abandoned on her craphole planet as a young child – way too young to be an expert pilot, mechanic, and fighter.

          1. wchipperdove

            That could have been a Force-implanted memory.

    8. The Elite Elite

      “WTF is the deal with the First Order? Why didn’t the New Republic deal with them when they were just the disorganized remnants of the Empire?”

      This is actually something I’ve wondered about for a long time, ever since the end of Jedi. How is the Emperor’s death suddenly the end of the Empire? The Rebellion blew up the second Death Star and killed Palps. So, does that suddenly mean the Empire has no more military forces? Every single thing was at Endor? Surely there would still be many years of fighting left to do before the Empire was actually defeated. How did we get from that to there being a New Republic with a separate Resistance force (why is that separate from the New Republic BTW?) fighting against some remnant group calling itself the First Order? Some explaination about how all this happened between Jedi and Awakens would’ve been nice.

      1. deepspeed

        In the old EU novels, the New Republic battled the Imperial Remnant for decades after the Emperor’s death. It made for an interesting dynamic, sort of a reverse of the original trilogy’s status quo, and generated some good stories (and a few stinkers, admittedly). Disney and JJ Abrams, however, were desperate to turn the heroes into underdogs again, so they created this Resistance nonsense.

        1. Psycho Effer

          In the new Aftermath, they setup a New Republican government quickly, but being progressive pussies, they are very eager for a political settlement to the civil war that will justify them as the new Top Men. They cut a deal with the remaining leaders of the Empire and let the First Order go off to the Unknown Regions and build super-weapons.

          1. The Elite Elite

            But some way of telling us this in the movie would be nice. Most people don’t read the books. Hell, I’d have taken Han going on some long monologue about how we got from Death Star 2 to meeting Diversity Hire and Mary Sue on the Falcon over the whole lot of nothing we got instead.

          2. Psycho Effer

            Hand-waving is much easier.

          3. Endless Mike

            Yea, some backstory would have been good – the New Order would have made more sense as a mafia/terrorist organization with the the remnants of the fleet and a mysterious Sith Lord binding them all together.

          4. Psycho Effer

            The New Order would have made much more sense as an ISIS-like terrorist band attacking a resurgent Republic government, but they couldn’t do something smart like that. The story has to be about the POC and LGBTQWERTY overcoming enslavement by a galaxy spanning government ruled by a single wielder of the Dark Side and his angsty apprentice..

          5. Endless Mike

            “If you POC’s would just listen to these rich white ladies, everything would be FINE”

  18. Sarnia officials probe discovery of squirrel heads in grocery cart

    The Sarnia and District Humane Society said agents were called out Dec. 14 to a local grocery store where five severed squirrel heads were found in the top basket of a shopping cart.

    “I’ve never seen something this weird,” said agent Nicole King.

    “People still do, I think, eat them,” she said. “I guess if you do it humanely for those reasons, OK, but why put them in a shopping cart?”

    King said the discovery raised “grave concerns,” leading to a request for any information local residents might have about the incident.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Aslan is on a bender again.

      1. Festus

        I read that as Asian.

        1. Atanarjuat

          It didn’t say feral cat heads.

          1. Festus

            Tip-o-the-lid!

    2. Suthenboy

      Why put them in a shopping cart? If you are going to plant a false flag you have to put it somewhere that people can see it.

      1. Festus

        Sorta OT but we have a real problem with the Asian element crabbing off the docks and just taking the claws, chucking the rest in the ocean and thinking that it’s “okay”. What the fuck is wrong with these people? The entire body should be immersed alive in boiling salt water! I can’t even…

        1. ChipsnSalsa

          Only the claws give you a big boner though.

          1. Festus

            It’s not for the boner, it’s for the clasper.

    3. Squirrel’s a fine meal.

    4. commodious spittoon

      King said the discovery raised “grave concerns,”

      Just throw ’em in the trash bin. No need to dig graves for them.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Men = white men.
    Minorities = everyone else.

    If you’re not a white heterosexual man, you’re nobody. You’re just shit on the bottom of the patriarchy’s shoe.

    Check your privilege, Dude.

    1. That was uncanny, Brooksie.

  20. wdalasio

    Thinking about it, it occurs to me that Sheila Jackson Lee is the face of socialism. When all the rhetoric is done, when all the high-minded platitudes are stripped away, saying you want to have socialism is saying you want a world ruled by a million Sheila Jackson Lees. When you say it’s unfair that the rich have better lives than others under capitalism, you have to ignore the fact that it will be Sheila Jackson Lee, or her moral and spiritual brethren who, under socialism, will be afforded the right to determine what lives people have. When you complain that capitalism unduly rewards people who meet the demands of the market, you fail to recognize that socialism affords all decisions regarding rewards to someone like Ms. Lee.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I was talking to an older Serbian taxi driver a few years ago. I asked about the communist government under Tito. His response was to spit and swear “those fucking peasants”. They (the party leaders) would take ignorant peasants and promote them to positions of power in the party/government. It guaranteed that apparatchiks’ unquestioning loyalty and viciousness.

    2. dbleagle

      Here Here wdalasio! Huzzah!

    1. Count Potato

      He looks surprisingly normal in that picture.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        They charged him with a damn felony, seems way harsh.

    2. Spartacus

      Hey, dude is from my hometown! Or at least he lives there now. I don’t recognize the last name so he is probably a noob.

  21. Bob Boberson

    Adventures with SOCON Dad: evidentallly I am a utopian because I believe spontaneous order can happen in the absence of a state (discussion came up when my dad was ranting about needing tougher restrictions on who can have a drivers license) but the same state that is going to protect us from our evil degenerate selves also harbors a ring of pedophile satanists because pizza gate was a real thing……sigh, the more I learn about libertarianism the more bizarre modern conservatism seems to me.

    1. robc

      If you analyze it I believe the very heart and soul of conservatism is libertarianism.

      — Ronald Reagan

      The conservatives who don’t have at least some libertarian tendencies arent really conservatives.

      1. Bob Boberson

        He has some libertarian tendencies and is evolving on some issues (he at least intellectually agrees that you can’t legislate morality) but has some huge blind spots. Driving an ambulance hasn’t helped……he believes public services are essential and underfunded and because of the people it’s brought him into contact with, believes that the dregs of society must be ‘dealt’ with. He only agrees on a very narrow application of the NAP.

        1. robc

          Have you showed him the story about people taking uber to the hospital instead of the ambulance?

          1. Bob Boberson

            No but I need to. Link?

          2. mexican sharpshooter

            Here is one where Tesla’s autopilot feature drove a man to the hospital.

        2. invisible finger

          The dregs of society keep him in business. If we ‘dealt” with them, he’d be out of a job.

    2. straffinrun

      Turn SOCON Dad into a series. I’d watch.

      1. Festus

        LIBCON DAD. Moderately wealthy, provides for his family but on the weekends “Fuck The Bank I Work For! Fuck The Bank!”

        1. leonadasiv

          TBF I said the same thing as a teller for Wells Fargo.

          1. Festus

            Piano Key Tie?

      2. Bob Boberson

        That’s a good idea….need to lurk less and generate some content….I bet I could squeeze a few articles out his contradictory views. I’d feel a little bad about it but it would be funny. My back ground is evangelical conservatism so he ends up taking the brunt of my criticism of the warvangelical right.

    3. Rasilio

      Hey could be worse.

      My Socon dad was convinced that China had a bigger navy than us and Guinea Pigs were genetically engineered by NASA

      1. Bob Boberson

        Yeah, if I divulged all the Alex Jones shut he’s bought into he’d seem equally crazy if not more so.

    4. Lachowsky

      I laughed. I talked politics a couple days a wit my Conservative with libertarian tendencies yet a strong streak of Nationalism Dad.

      1. RAHeinlein

        Did I miss holiday pics of Little Lachowsky (aka Bam Bam)?

        1. Lachowsky

          I don’t think you missed anything. I haven’t been on here much. I’ll get you a good one soon.

      2. Bob Boberson

        Does he worry that the points where you disagree are places where those evil liberals have gained a foothold in your mind? Other than non-intervention (which he is pretty good on) my dad is so reactionary that he can’t look objectively at some issues because he can’t fathom not taking a position not completely antithetical to the left (gay marriage, cops, immigration, etc).

        1. Lachowsky

          Not so much. He derives his Libertarian positions from economic sanity and a hatred of the police. He knows me well. I can give my reasons for why I take a liberal position on drugs, gays, etc. and he knows I have those position from being principled about liberty. He will disagree, but it’s not hostile and he doesn’t call me a libtard or anything like that.

          I actually mostly agree with him, he is just really statist when it comes to immigration amd he has a huge hard on for muslims.

  22. Doctors reveal full list of baffling items found in vaginas in 2017 – and what men needed removed too

    …the list was compiled using the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits in the US throughout the last 360 days.

    Spoiler alert, none of these items are “a baby.”

    1. Scented soap
    2. Deodorant lid
    3. Bottle cap
    4. Penis ring with spikes on
    5. Silicon balls. The patient stated these were “You know, for when your husband leaves town.”
    6. A ball
    7. Bike reflector
    8. Patient was “on period, inserted non-birth control sponge in vagina so she could swim.”
    9. Headphones
    10. Hot towel
    11. “Was having sexual intercourse with boyfriend when he put phone and money in vagina.”

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I know an ER nurse who personally attested to the story of a woman with a potato growing out of her vajayjay.

      1. Our oldest daughter is an NP working in an ER. She has stories that would curl your hair.

      2. wchipperdove

        Umm, I have some follow-up questions.

    2. Lachowsky

      #6 is pretty vague. Football? ) Beachball? golfball? Not all balls are equal.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        +1 Medicine Ball, FTW.

    3. “when he put phone and money in vagina.”

      It’s not called nature’s pocketbook for nothing!

    4. Bobarian LMD

      10. Hot towel

      Was it hot when it went in or made hot by being there?

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Further problems, Rey spends, what half a day training and all of a sudden she’s a badass?

    Seriously. It’s science fiction, for crying out loud. Just put a badass fighter chip in her head. Make it believable.

    1. Brett L

      Meh. Luke somehow magically levelled up between Empire and Revenge without going back to Yoda. Maybe it was in the cyborg hand.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Not to fall down this particular rabbit hole: perhaps Vader got soft and wouldn’t kill his son.

      2. Endless Mike

        This isn’t so bad – Luke had the mechanics down, but was struggling with the intellectual / spiritual aspects of being a Jedi – the fight with his dad (and presumably some meditation, etc.) worked that shit out.

        1. trshmnstr

          The growth also occurred between movies, with all of the characters showing growth between those movies. IMO, Anakin as some superhero pilot in Ep 1 is more believable than Rey as teenage ruffian/undiscovered wunderkind in Awakens.

          1. CPRM

            “I’ll try spinning. That’s a good trick.” “Whoopee!”

          2. trshmnstr

            I don’t know why your comment made me think this, but I’m currently regretting creating Office Manager Muhammad and wishing that I instead created Jihadi Jar-Jar.

          3. R C Dean

            Jihadi Jar-Jar

            Oh, hell yeah. No reason you can’t have Jihadi Jar-Jar take over for Mo.

          4. CPRM

            By the way, if anyone is ever interested. I did my own fan edits of the star Wars Prequals as well a cut that made Man of Steel and Batman V Superman into one movie. I can always upload and link them for anyone interested.

            I like the way they’ve turned out, still tinkinering with some things. Some of the video quality is low due to source video I could find for deleted scenes and such.

          5. CPRM

            I thought of that, because the two lines I quoted don’t appear in my cut.

          6. RAHeinlein

            Yes, please!

          7. CPRM

            I have BVS all ready for linking if you want that, I can work on getting the star wars ones up in a few days.

          8. RAHeinlein

            Thanks!

  24. Evan from Evansville

    Speaking of shit.

    Korean bathrooms almost always don’t have toilet paper. Shopping malls, movie theaters, train stations, OK. But public restrooms (often even restaurants) don’t give you anything. I’ve asked about this insanity and I always get bemused looks and people say that “Well…people would just steal it…”

    No one in Korea steals. I swear to god you could leave an iPad in a crowded park and come back two hours later and it would still be there.

    At work everyone grabs x amount of tissues in the office before going to the bathroom. I find this to be a very culturally odd thing. Perhaps I’m just being weird, but I don’t like the idea of having to feel my way through how much toilet paper I’m going to require on any given…outing, as it were.

    “Wow, he just took ten tissues. He’s got a fierce deposit to make, doesn’t he!”

    I know that I’m being crazy, but I don’t like it. I stock up on tissues every few minutes, which a constantly-running nose helps in my deception. Then I go off to the floor below me because being in a bathroom with students is really creepy, and pissing at a urinal is absolutely out of the question.

    I don’t like it, and my displeasure is magnified by the fact that no one else seems to give, well, a shit about this and everyone thinks this flawed system is normal. Also, there’s a law starting with the new year that requires public restrooms to remove the trashcans that Koreans put their shit-stained paper rather than flushing it, harking back to the the old days when the sewers here couldn’t process TP. I refuse to follow this rule. That’s THEIR policy. NOT mine. Much like washing my hands.

    I did, however, blocked up a toilet in my apartment my first year here and just used the bathroom in the lobby for three months because the idea of talking to anyone about the problem (and my inability to personally fix it) was just not something that I was going to do.

    Just deal with it and piss in the sink like a person.

    1. straffinrun

      Goddamnit, Evan. I hope you didn’t have any chicks over for those three months.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’d take the whole damn box with me. Be prepared.

    3. Of all the amenities of the modern age that would cause me the greatest consternation to lose – properly functioning plumbing tops the list.

    4. ? good anecdote.

      In Hong Kong, if it isn’t an upscale mall or restaurant, or at someone’s house, there’s gonna be a squatter and a ~10% chance of a roll of toilet paper. I think the “theys gonna steal the TP” is based on a historical legacy where TP was a kinda luxury, and was prone to theft at some time. A historical legacy much like how almost all tap water there meets WHO standards, but people still boil their drinking water first.

    5. Suthenboy

      The ‘system cant handle paper’ problem is pretty common outside the US. As I recall it wasn’t a problem in England or Canada, but outside of that everyone seems to use 2″ pipe. I dont know what the fuck they think people are flushing when they put those in. My personal theory is that outside of the west it is just one giant cargo-cult.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        4 inches and 1/4 inch drop per foot or GTFO

        1. TRUST THE MAN THAT HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH A ROOM FILLED UP WITH SEWER GOING THE DIRECTION OPPOSITE TO INTENT.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            I had blocked that from my memory. Thanks.

            *goes into flashback*

      2. Timeloose

        In the Philippines next to each toilet or squatting pan they have a common use spray hose that looks like the one on your sink. Hose off your ass and use the tp to dry off, but you dispose the TP in a waste basket in the stall. The shitty part is how do you know how clean you are before going to paper. Pun intended.

      3. invisible finger

        “but outside of that everyone seems to use 2″ pipe.”

        Fucking unions.

    6. Pope Jimbo

      LOL. The filthiest bathroom I ever encountered in my life was at Seoraksan National Park. My family had already stormed ahead and left my youngest son and I behind. The boy said he had to go to the bathroom and once he saw how utterly horrible it was, he – of course – said that he had to drop a deuce.

      I swear it was like a circus act with him as the hotshot shitting trapeeze artist. No way I was going to let him touch anything in that place.

      And like you said, I had forgotten about the lack of TP in the john, so I had to tell him to sit there for a minute while I ran out to the entrance where they had the TP.

      I still have nightmares about that place.

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        so I had to tell him to sit there for a minute while I ran out to the entrance where they had the TP.

        That is when he proceeded to lick everything he could get his tongue on. The things he couldn’t lick he touched then licked his hand.

        1. Pope Jimbo

          Probably. But he lived through it and what I didn’t see, I can ignore.

          This is the same kid who has the only sweet tooth in the family and has (on multiple occasions) turned into a vomit tornado after finding some hidden piece of candy under the couch.

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’ve worked at an amusement park. You cannot surprise me anymore. People are nasty.

        1. Waterfall Insurance

          I worked as a Walmart janitor first night and then day. Probably the grossest thing that happened was a guy asked for toilet paper and a hand came out covered in shit past his wrists. I went to replace the toilet paper after and the stall already had toilet paper. No one else could have changed it because I had the only key.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            That’s nasty.

            Some highlights from my summer:

            Kids fingerpainting with their crap on the walls
            People taking dumps in urinals
            People leaving used condoms in various places
            Leaving used toilet paper on the park grounds

          2. invisible finger

            My brother was cleaning a toilet in a store (part of his job) and a customer came in and pissed on him.

        2. Oh? Try a village in the Panjshir Valley …in August. If the Northern Alliance could have laid mines, they way they dropped turds, bits of sheep skin and offal and regular trash…the Taliban would have all been killed within a week.

    7. Evan from Evansville

      @Straffinrun: My best friend’s GF was the only girl to come over during that time. She was mortified. But she and a co-worker called me looking to hang out together at like 3am one night, looking for…what I wish I could’ve given them. But it was like the second date with my then GF. Whom I took down on the first date. Which…I don’t know how the fuck I pulled that off.

      The only time I’ve ever used a squat toilet was in Istanbul. I had to, to quote Costanza, relieve this unstoppable force, and the only place nearby was a mosque. I didn’t know what I needed to do or what to pay. I gave them change and walked in. Fuckers made me take my shoes off and wash my feet….I didn’t have time to do this!

      Toilet was a squatter and I missed badly. Even Kershaw hangs a curve every now and again, and this is my first time! The clean-up situation was a bucket of water and a red solo cup. Without any alternatives, I had to do what needed be done.

      Surprisingly, that was not the highlight of that trip.

      1. straffinrun

        Not into those squat toilets either. At least merchants are always handing out free tissue packets so I’ve always got some on hand in case of emergencies.

        1. dbleagle

          The German standard toilet until recently (still many around) had a platform for your feces to land on so you could inspect it before flushing. (It was known as the SOP by many wags.) Being German it was very effective for the designed purpose. The question is why would it be neccessary?

          1. R C Dean

            A diet high in pork infested with parasites.

          2. Bobarian LMD

            Maybe you lost your car keys?

  25. wchipperdove

    A couple days late, but I want to give my thanks to Q for finally considering us guys who prefer ladies’ posteriors to mammaries (a stance which is logical and unassailable).

    1. Personal preferences are not based on logic. It is only unassailable because it is not logical. You didn’t logic yourself into being that way, so you can’t be logiced out of it.

      1. Suthenboy

        I will give it a shot.

        The posterior is the anatomical location of actual mating, therefore the rational place to find attractive. Also, mint chocolate chip ice-cream is superior to all others.

        1. robc

          Why would anyone ruin chocolate by adding mint? Or anything else?

          1. Indonesian avocado and chocolate smoothies rule.

        2. Atanarjuat

          Yes, a woman can be Q’s perfect woman, but if her bottom half isn’t pleasing, neither is she. Conversely, if she has the right figure, I can look past almost any other flaws. All because of the evolutionary importance of the waist-hip ratio.

          Your taste in ice cream is just unexcusable.

        3. Spartacus

          Logical.
          Flawlessly. Logical.

        4. “Also, mint chocolate chip ice-cream is superior to all others.”

          GROSS. Disclosure — once had rotovirus (thanks to my infant son) after eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and have not had it since.

  26. Pope Jimbo

    Stories like this are why total open borders people have such a hard time selling their vision.

    I’m very pro-immigrant, but when you try to create a sob story for a guy who is a career criminal, I don’t think you win many minds or hearts. If you come here and work and follow the rules, fuck yeah, you are welcome. If you come here and act like a fucking asshole, why shouldn’t we send you back home.

    Arten came to the United States in his early teens after losing family members in Somalia’s civil war. He was ordered deported in 2009, three years after his felony robbery conviction. But at the time, ICE could not send him to Somalia, which did not have a functioning government. Arten, who had prior convictions for assault and disorderly conduct, went on to rack up offenses for car theft, terroristic threats and drunken driving, among others.

    A federal judge this week said that “the severity and frequency of Arten’s criminal activity has subsided in recent years,” and his mother, Lul Hussein, said he cared for her as she battled kidney disease.

    And why is it so hard to send criminals back to where they came from?

    1. straffinrun

      We do. They’re called incumbents.

    2. R C Dean

      ICE could not send him to Somalia, which did not have a functioning government.

      So? Land airplane on runway, open door, shove. Mission accomplished.

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        Are you sure “land” is the word you are looking for there?

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          “Touch and go” is the preferred term.

      2. kbolino

        I think even SCOTUS would have a problem with treaty violations.

        1. robc

          I don’t think we had any valid treaties with Somalia at that time.

          1. kbolino

            Granted, but there are international treaties concerning statelessness and nationality. However, it would appear that the U.S. has not adopted any of them. So, the only issue then might be of U.S. law concerning deportations to unstable or erstwhile countries.

      3. Why land? Give him a flying lesson. If he learns to fly before he hits the ground, fine.

  27. Malfunctioning scramble suit?

    Clearest ever ‘BIGFOOT‘ on digital camera? Legendary beast allegedly caught on video

    The footage is said to have been taken during a family trip to Oregon state in the US.

    It shows a man talking to camera as he is next to Wildhorse Lake in the Steens Mountains.

    But, way behind on the other side of the lake, the unmistakable alleged form of Bigfoot can be seen.

    The bigfoot spotted in Oregon (ringed) as been called conclusive proof

    A boy spots the odd creature and asks: “Dad, what is that?”

    1. Mr Lizard

      STEVE SMITH ALWAYS CREEPING

    2. R C Dean

      Is it just me, or is that story mysteriously missing the vid?

      1. STEVE SMITH HAVE MAD CYBER SKILLZ!

  28. The Late P Brooks

    In order to stop white nationalists from recruiting working-class people into their movements, members of Redneck Revolt visit gun shows, flea markets, state fairs, Nascar races and cattle shows where white supremacist organizations are known to look for new members.”

    How do they achieve this noble goal? Do they set up a drum circle? Do they get in people’s faces and earnestly offer up the testimony of their own (fictitious) conversion to progressivism? Do they hand out leaflets? Do they jangle bells, and wave crystals and incense in the faces of their “converts”?

    1. Endless Mike

      Come to a rural Montana event with that fuggin hammer and sickle belt buckle; see how that plays.

      1. Old Man With Candy

        +1 Testy Festy

    2. trshmnstr

      They set up a booth in the corner and act all angsty.

  29. Nephilium

    Words mean nothing anymore. Troubleshooting an issue with one of my coworkers, calls are working from one side of our redundant system, but not the other.

    Me: Are both sides configured the same?
    Coworker: Yes, but this is only configured on SideA.

    /facepalm

    1. Brett L

      Me: You need a new career. IT isn’t for you

    2. leonadasiv

      Meh, I get it: everything is the same except this one thing.

      1. Nephilium

        I’d be willing to wager that even that interpretation is incorrect. And we’re not talking about the things that you expect to be different (IP addresses and such), but the stuff that should be mirrored on both sides of a redundant system.

        1. leonadasiv

          In that case then yeah, that’s no good.

  30. Nephilium

    Some entertaining news for the day. All those people pre-paying their property tax may not be able to deduct them this year.

    1. ChipsnSalsa

      Is Sugar Free posting today?

        1. robc

          Nationally, more than 96 percent of tax increases resulting from the loss of the state and local deduction will be paid by those in the top 20 percent of the income distribution, a recent analysis by the Tax Policy Center found.

          So, this change made the tax code more progressive.

          Interesting.

          1. R C Dean

            If “more progressive” = rich proggies paying more, then more progressive = TAXPOCALYPSE!

            Science, man.

    2. Suthenboy

      I am glad to see this happen. They are kicking the tax legs out from under states that are raping their citizens. There will be a revolt that is long overdue. Let’s see how it goes when the pitchforks come out and the Cuomo’s and Moonbeams try pointing their fingers at Washington.

      1. robc

        The funny thing is, the solution for somewhere like SF, is to liberalize the zoning and allow single family homes to get replaced by taller, multi-unit housing. SF proper would look like Manhattan-lite by the time the structure:land value ratio balanced out to a norm. It would have a lot more people, hence a lot more congressional districts and hence more powerfuller. And it probably wont be Republicans moving in.

        Weird that the powers that be dont want this.

        1. Count Potato

          Relevant:

          “Me, a moron: Regulations drive people out of California

          You, a genius: It’s our housing shortage caused by erm… zoning regulations”

          https://twitter.com/Sam_Dumitriu/status/945708446107750400

          1. ChipsnSalsa

            How does a 12 year old become the “head of research”?

            I just don’t get what ideas and concepts people are trying to convoy on Twitter (as a whole). Is someone trying to insult someone else? Who is the person being made fun of? I’d rather have a few more words and have an understanding of what is being said.

            and get off my lawn.

        2. invisible finger

          Any large enough influx of people is a threat to the incumbent, even if the newbs are of the same political stripe.

      2. Festus

        I don’t set off on my merry way to be a cunt-ish fellow but by God, stories like this make me laugh.

  31. Pope Jimbo

    Silly War on Christmas story, but awesome tap dancing by U of Mn public relations department.

    Some goofy loon at the U of Mn sent out a typical PC holiday party guidelines. The memo gets out and everyone mocks the U for being such a typical PC yahoos. Then the U’s public relations goes into high gear.

    It was, officials say, an “ill-advised” attempt to spark a conversation about religious diversity at the University of Minnesota.

    “It was a well-intentioned but ill-advised attempt to spark a dialogue,” he said. “It was part of a lunch-hour discussion series that took on a life of its own.” The idea of banning Santa Claus or certain colors, he added, “is not something that the university would put forth or consider in any way, shape or form as potential policy.”

    Lapiska, the U spokesman, argues that the story has been distorted in the retelling. “It’s very clear that it’s fed into a narrative that was convenient,” he said. But the U, he insists, is not waging war on Christmas. “If you’ve been on the U campus around the holidays, the gates of campus have red and green on them,” he said. Garlands abound.

    Not so, says Lapiska. “There was no retraction, because there was never a restriction,” he said.

    Still, “I think there’s certainly regret around how it has been characterized and perceived,” he said. “Certainly there will be a conversation, if it hasn’t already taken place, to see how we can learn from this moving forward and avoid a situation like this in the future.”

    This is the problem today. None of these institutions that have been taken over by the progs can just come out and say “Yeah, that memo was pretty stupid. The person who wrote it did it on their own and we are going to fire them for being so dumb”

    I’m sure the U adminstration is terrified that if they even hinted that anything in that original memo was dumb that a good chunk of their students would go crazy and protest for weeks.

    1. we are going to fire them for being so dumb

      Lol oh you. Pretty decent subject of a daydream, I’d have to say.

    2. straffinrun

      “Certainly there will be a conversation, if it hasn’t already taken place, to see how we can learn from this moving forward and avoid a situation like this in the future.”

      Making an ass out of oneself is not a one off event.

      1. Festus

        Idiocy wherein one actually listens to someone that utters “Sparks a Dialogue”. My toddler Grandson likes to spark a dialogue too.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Certainly there will be a conversation

      Code for “further indoctrination”

      1. Festus

        Certainly. There. Will. Be. A. CONVERSATION.

        1. DrZaius

          Hank, let’s talk about your daddy.

    4. Suthenboy

      “avoid a situation like this in the future.”

      Here’s an idea: Stop telling students of one religion how they are allowed to celebrate their holidays while letting others do as they please. Keep your fucking nose out of places it doesnt belong. How about that?

      1. Festus

        “avoid” has become nothing more than pulling your forelock when the Lord rides by. Fuck that shit.

  32. Readers respond to the #MeToo Moment
    Letters to the editor

    I also thought of the many times I have missed movies, concerts, ballets, lectures, and other events because it wasn’t safe to leave my car and walk into a building alone. I had an ex-Marine buddy in college who would walk me and my friends to events on campus at night. When my daughter went to college, I told her to find a buddy or a group to walk around campus with her. She listened and remained safe there.

    I used to do my shopping late at night because I am a night person and because the stores were less crowded, but that stopped when I was accosted by a drunken male in the parking lot. Leaving work one night a man tried to open my car door. I sped away with fogged windows, not seeing exactly where I was going to get away from him. The next night I was accosted by a male wanting me to go “bar hopping” with him. I had never seen these people before in my life.

    I try to explain this to my husband who would never do any of these things. He doesn’t understand. He says you shouldn’t let fear rule your life. I say you had darned well better.

    1. leonadasiv

      It’s funny that the party of FDR is full on embracing fear. I remember when but Republicans were the fear-mongerers (not that they don’t still do that).

    2. Suthenboy

      I am gonna guess Donna doesnt own a pistol, wants your taken away and thinks it is perfectly fine for everyone to walk around in fear all of their life. Also, a decent chance she just made all of that up.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        But how can you have Christmas without the celebratory Running of the Jews or the Mosque Burning?

        1. Festus

          The best part is when during the Running of the Jews, one of them drops the Jew-egg! Is very nice!

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder

          Somehow I posted that response to the wrong Suthenboy post. Supposed to be in the Christmas thread.

      2. Waterfall Insurance

        Only the trained professionals like the police can protect you from the unarmed creeps, it is know.

      3. mexican sharpshooter

        I am gonna guess Donna doesnt own a pistol

        I’m not sure I want Donna owning and carrying a pistol. I am quite certain she’ll hurt herself or the first homeless man that asks her for $1.

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      We’re fast becoming a nation of pussies.

    4. The next night I was accosted by a male wanting me to go “bar hopping” with him.

      “Accosted.” Alright. … I’m thinking he just asked her out and she lost her shit. I could be wrong, but her misuse of the word in that sentence casts doubt on her having been accosted by a “drunken” male in the parking lot before.

    5. Story about my grandmother – so 1940s/1950s-ish.

      My grandfather worked the General Motors night shift, so she would drop him off and pick him up since they only had one running car. One time, on a deserted side street, three black men tried to stop her by placing themselves in front of the car. She just hit the gas and kept on going. She said there was a big “thunk” as one of the men didn’t run out of the way fast enough. Grandma kept on going without looking back.

      Damn – my grandma was a straight up racist.

      1. Atanarjuat

        Bad ass. Exactly the right thing to do.

    6. I”ll take “shit that never happened” for $500, Alex.

  33. straffinrun

    Tonight I watched about half of Good Time with Robert Pattinson before I couldn’t be bothered to watch anymore. Pointless criminality and worthless characters. This pile o’ crap got a six minute standing ovation at Cannes?

    1. RAHeinlein

      Thank you – just deleted from my watch list.

      1. straffinrun

        Not my cup of tea. I’m getting too old to be sitting through 2 hours of banality.

        1. Festus

          You guys have pretty much killed muh desire to sit for two hours and watch a movie. I get bored too quickly. Muh Movies!

    2. wdalasio

      As much as I don’t want to dehumanize people, I really think there is an element of progressive culture that actively celebrates evil. We hear talk of “rejecting bourgeois morality” and assume the people talking about this mean not caring about personal vices that have no particular effect on anyone else, as libertarians might practice. But, I’m not sure this is true. I think elements of progressive culture specifically want to reject the moral precepts that make it possible for honest people to live in peace.

      1. straffinrun

        “It’s stale, empty and cold.” =NYT.
        Even some of the proggies don’t want to see this stuff. Burn the entire thing to the ground! This movie is what Crime and Punishment would look like if it were written by a serial killer.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    Still, “I think there’s certainly regret around how it has been characterized and perceived,” he said. “Certainly there will be a conversation, if it hasn’t already taken place, to see how we can learn from this moving forward and avoid a situation like this in the future.”

    “Goddammit! The fucking townies are making fun of us again. How did they get ahold of that memo?”

  35. C. Anacreon

    We’re getting ready to head to the airport this morning for a couple of quick nights in Nashville and to see my NU Wildcats play in the Music City Bowl.
    We’re staying right on the Broadway “strip” of music clubs/restaurants.

    Any recommendations from those of you who know the city? I’ve never been to the city before and have heard great things about the live music, it’s one reason we’re crazily heading to Tennessee from San Francisco in the middle of winter. It even gave enough reason to go to a middle-tier bowl game no one is interested in. Also, if there’s a certain ‘don’t-miss’ food, let us know.

    1. Nephilium

      BeerAdvocate did a write up of beer places to go in Nashville a couple months back:

      https://www.beeradvocate.com/articles/16160/where-to-drink-in-nashville-tennessee/

    2. robc

      Dress warmly.

      I took my then fiancee to the MCB and she nearly froze to death because of her choice in clothing. Still did better than the Ole Miss chicks who were wearing mini skirts pre game. I am pretty sure they died that night.

      1. I am pretty sure they died that night.

        Not if they drank enough whiskey.

    3. Pope Jimbo

      Take I-40 west to Memphis. Best BBQ, great music and some of the most charming hicks you will ever meet.

    4. Shpip

      If you like craft cocktails, Patterson House on Division (a block off Broadway) is superb.
      Ditto for Merchants, which has good food, too.
      Martin’s BBQ is excellent, but get there early or prepare to stand in line.
      Best fine dining: The Standard at Smith House. Terrific steaks, and there’s usually some “exotic game” on the menu for the adventurous.
      Puckett’s Grocery near the Ryman has good simple country “meat and three” fare.
      You’ll hear a lot about Nashville Hot Chicken, as well as fried catfish, which are two regional delicacies. YMMV.
      Lastly, for a fun afternoon, take an Uber to the Corsair distillery and taproom. Take the tour, have a few cocktails or beers. Be sure to pet Pizza and Copper, the distillery cats.

      1. Shpip

        To clarify re: Corsair. Tour the “Brewstillery” on Clinton Street. Same building hold the American Archaeology store made semi-famous by the show American Pickers.

  36. Count Potato

    “Since 2010, Library of Congress has been archiving every single public tweet: Yours, ours, the president’s.

    But today, the institution announced it will no longer archive every one of our status updates, opinion threads, and “big if true”s. As of Jan. 1, the library will only acquire tweets “on a very selective basis.””

    https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/12/26/573609499/library-of-congress-will-no-longer-archive-every-tweet

    1. ChipsnSalsa

      The library says it began archiving tweets “for the same reason it collects other materials — to acquire and preserve a record of knowledge and creativity for Congress and the American people.”

      Most tweets contain neither knowledge or creativity. No need to keep them.

      Stay off my lawn.

  37. PieInTheSKy

    Sometimes I wonder what warty’s idiot philosopher is thinking

    https://twitter.com/existentialcoms/status/944998654351360000

    Yup totes makes sense

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Libertarians don’t want to eliminate authority, they want to eliminate democracy’s ability to keep it in check.

      https://twitter.com/existentialcoms/status/945835803648843776

      Deepan ya dig

      1. leonadasiv

        Why is there an-com the most reasonable person on that thread? (Never thought I’d say those words)

      2. Suthenboy

        What the hell is that? A club for people who were dropped on their heads at birth?

        1. PieInTheSKy

          seriously that twitter account is hilarious if you scroll a bit through it.

      3. “How in the world did smart, educated people come to believe (more like wishful thinking since there is very little evidence to the contrary) that private actors motivated by profit who are not accountable to anyone besides shareholders are better positioned to govern our lives?”

        Jeez Louise, take a fucking economics class already dipshit.

    2. kbolino

      Nothing quite illustrates democracy better than 51%* telling the other 49% what to do, by force.

      * = Could be 45% genuine + 6% fraudulent, but who cares? Democracy!

      1. J. Frank Parnell

        It’s only tyranny if it’s the wrong 51%.

    1. PieInTheSKy

      this is what a feminist looks like?

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        It’s starting to look like male feminists really are disproportionally a bunch of psychos who use the feminism angle to worm their way into some chick’s pants who would otherwise have nothing to do with them. Who could have seen that coming?

  38. Tundra

    The comments to the Bono article are the best part:

    Michael Tillmon Jr. · Seattle, Washington
    Near-death experiences aren’t supposed to result in the worst album of your career, but okay.

    1. That’s lol-worthy.

    2. The diminishment of artistic sensibility as the artist ages is inevitable. Gone is the ferocity of youth, the energy of being something, and the urgency to find success.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    It’s a fucking conundrum, it is.

    As the rest of the oil-producing world recovers on the back of stronger energy prices, Venezuela is getting worse, the result of dysfunctional management, rampant corruption and the country’s crippling economic crisis. The deepening troubles at the state oil company, the country’s economic mainstay, threaten to further destabilize a nation and government facing a dire recession, soaring inflation and unbridled crime, as well as food and medicine shortages.

    When energy prices started to crater several years ago, Venezuela and other oil-dependent nations suffered in tandem. Now, prices are rising and others in the oil patch are on the mend.

    I blame the vast right wing conspiracy.

    1. leonadasiv

      It’s a fucking mystery, but socialism has never been tried, let’s do that.

    2. Suthenboy

      Their number of working wells are half what they were before the state got their hands on them.

      Wha’ happ’n?

      *scratches head*

      1. Atanarjuat

        Bad Luck.

        /Heinlein

      2. invisible finger

        Also, if the Venezuelan govt hadn’t fucked up their production, the oil prices wouldn’t have recovered.

    3. J. Frank Parnell

      Fuckin’ State Capitalism. If only they’d gone with Real Socialism instead. Oh well.

    1. leonadasiv

      And I’m the racist.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        They really should be concentrated into camps before they ruin everything.

    2. PieInTheSKy

      i on;y got to six realize I lost 20 IQ point already and stopped

      1. straffinrun

        Wait till you get to number 37. They saved the best for last.

    3. MikeS

      58% of white voters voting for Trump is a travesty.

      88% of blacks voting for Clinton is not enough.

    4. Suthenboy

      I have no idea what any of that shit is.

      1. Suthenboy

        I wonder what would happen if we flipped that over.

    5. MikeS

      #17; I didn’t realize black people had their own National Anthem.

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          That belongs to everybody.

          If there is an African-American national anthem, it’s this.

          1. MikeS

            Beautiful…except for all the wypipo in the orchestra pit.

            Seriously tho, thanks for sharing. Very nice.

    6. Heroic Mulatto

      Truth be told, I agree with every single point on that list.

        1. Especially the Grammys, but then again, who gives a shit about the Grammys?

    7. J. Frank Parnell

      #34:

      Kid selling candy and an old lady comes up to the kids asking to see a business license

      So Buzzfeed supports tax-dodging child laborers selling unregulated candy?

  40. Brasidas

    I’m sympathetic to sloop. Newborn diapers don’t fit for shit.

    1. Brett L

      His youngest is almost 3. Definitely don’t fit at 3.

  41. PieInTheSKy

    Baltimore has now had 343 homicides in 2017, sets record for killings per capita

    http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/crime/bs-md-ci-per-capita-homicides-20171227-story.html

    1. I blame the Republicans.

      1. kbolino

        It’s the nefarious and likely one-term Republican governor of Maryland using his shifty wiles to outmaneuver the permanent Democratic legislative supermajority, the lockstop Democratic courts, and the 100% Democratic city council of Baltimore.

        1. kbolino

          BTW, I’m not making any of that up. Maryland really is that blue. Although, the Democrats in the state legislature have been on a losing trend lately, it’s just that they’ve gone from “insurmountable supermajority” to “somewhat close supermajority”.

      2. gbob

        Why are Republican run cities always such cess pools of corruption, poverty and crime?

        1. Suthenboy

          Because their success attracts monied democratic voters who turn them blue and elect democrats?

    2. kbolino

      With two fatal shootings Tuesday night, the recent reclassification of a decades-old shooting as a killing and another homicide Wednesday evening, Baltimore has hit 343 homicides in 2017, and a new record for killings per capita.

      Let’s play, is the reporter a fool or a knave?

    3. leonadasiv

      All those gonna from Indiana

      1. leonadasiv

        Guns*

      2. kbolino

        The local gun boogeyman is West Virginia (although Pennsylvania and Virginia also have less strict gun laws than Maryland).

  42. Festus

    Just admit the racism. It only hurts a little. Right HM? Christ, what an asshole.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    UNFORESEEABLE

    It was supposed to be a tax cut for manufacturers. Then it got out of control.

    ————–

    [examples of utterly unsurprising behavior and unintended consequences]

    ——————-

    That will all be moot with the latest tax bill. Congressional Republicans said the deduction was no longer necessary with the overall reduction of the corporate tax rate. So the hunt for unintended gold mines will go down new paths.

    “If the bar has been set low by the regulation, you can understand why taxpayers are claiming it,” said Connie Cheng, a tax managing director at the accounting firm BDO USA. It took longer to write the law that included the manufacturing deduction in 2004 than it did to shape the entire tax bill this time around. The haste is sure to create countless new adventures for accountants like Ms. Cheng.

    “That’s the nature of tax in general,” she said. “Every time you write a rule, there are people out there who think about ‘How do we get creative with it, and how do we get around it?’”

    “Why do those people try to wriggle out of paying their fair share? Stop quibbling, and pay up!”

    I honestly believe these people are too stupid to comprehend the effects of incentives. Call it greed, if you want, but if I can save millions of dollars by paying a tax consultant a few hundred thousand, that’s a bargain.

    1. trshmnstr

      Call it greed, if you want, but if I can save millions of dollars by paying a tax consultant a few hundred thousand, that’s a bargain.

      As I’m always keen to point out when a prog goes on about greedy tax evaders, the real greed is in holding a gun to your fellow citizens’ heads and demanding they pay tribute.

      1. kbolino

        My favorite is some variant of “you didn’t build that”/”you owe society” said by somebody who made absolutely no contribution to the effort whatsoever.

  44. AlmightyJB

    Wonder how many bitcoins they’ll ask for?

    http://www.bbc.com/news/business-
    42505261

      1. RAHeinlein

        “…dragged into a black Mercedes-Benz by men wearing balaclavas.”

        Well, that narrows it down.

  45. Gilmore

    When I first began abusing laxatives, I was 17 and I’d already been purging after every meal for a year.

    well at least they start their essay with “I’m a crazy person”

    1. Have a delusion, get a byline!

  46. ElspethFlashman

    OT: stupid client time: Today I defended someone for multiple driving offenses. Four of them in fact: driving while unlicensed, reckless, failure to report an accident, etc. — none of them involved alcohol. She got a super deal on pleading to two charges. Her question: will I still be able to get a license? Because I want to drive for the transit authority. (smacks forehead). She’s 43 and has no license, amazing she’s never been picked up before this. . . .

    1. MikeS

      The man can’t take it away if you don’t have one!

      1. Nephilium

        No points on your license if you don’t have one either…

        /taps head

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      I want to drive for the transit authority

      I believe those are the exact people they are looking for. Then they can get a larger training budget.

      1. ElspethFlashman

        She possibly can, if she gets a provisional license, then applies for the CDL. The thing is, she will have to have the provisional license for a while. . .given her age, and the one prior offense. And the secretary of state (michgan’s version of the DMV) will place a red flag over her for a while.

      2. Suthenboy

        Why, in the name of God, would anyone WANT to drive for the transit authority?

        1. Number.6

          12 years of state pension eligibility?

        2. Grummun

          1. You already hate humanity as much as you possibly can.
          2. You don’t yet hate humanity as much as you possibly can, but want to.
          3. Union job.

    3. Gilmore

      Good enough for govt work

  47. PieInTheSKy

    – Mexico has this year registered its highest murder total since modern records began, according to official data, dealing a fresh blow to President Enrique Pena Nieto’s pledge to get gang violence under control with presidential elections due in 2018.

    https://ca.news.yahoo.com/mexico-murders-hit-record-high-dealing-blow-president-012725573.html

    At 18.7 per 100,000 inhabitants, the 2017 Mexican murder rate is still lower than it was in 2011, when it reached almost 19.4 per 100,000, the data showed. The rate has also held below levels reported in several other Latin American countries.

    According to U.N. figures used in the World Bank’s online database, Brazil and Colombia both had a murder rate of 27 per 100,000, Venezuela 57, Honduras 64 and El Salvador 109 in 2015, the last year for which data are available.

    The U.S. rate was 5 per 100,000.

    I blame the NRA

    1. PieInTheSKy

      Also at 1.5 we Romanians are not barbarians like you lot

    2. leonadasiv

      Man those Hoosier gun salesman get around.

    3. Suthenboy

      Mexico needs gun control. And a war on drugs.

    4. Count Potato

      I’m guessing anyone trying to legalize drugs would be assassinated.

    1. Count Potato

      “Sexual harassment across the world is often followed by victim-blaming and one question survivors are invariably asked is: “What were you wearing?””

      STEVE SMITH NO CARE ABOUT FASHION. STEVE SMITH JUST RUN UP WITH MICROPHONE LIKE MELISSA RIVERS AND INTERVIEW. BY MICROPHONE STEVE SMITH MEAN PENIS. AND INTERVIEW STEVE SMITH MEAN RAPE.

      1. R C Dean

        one question survivors are invariably asked is: “What were you wearing?””

        Bullshit.

        1. trshmnstr

          Agreed.

          1) You are not a survivor of sexual harassment. We’ve had discussions here about the weirdness of calling somebody a “rape survivor”, but there’s no fucking way that “sexual harassment survivor” makes any sense outside of the SJW feminist fever swamps.

          2) This is a lie based on a fundamental misunderstanding of their ideological opponents. Nobody thinks that women wearing provocative clothing deserve harassment or rape. People do believe, however, that women can reduce their chances of being harassed or raped by dressing less provocatively. It’s not “victim blaming” to say “you probably shouldn’t carry large wads of cash while touring Paris.”

    2. libertarianjoe

      +1 stained blue dress

  48. PieInTheSKy

    OTTAWA — The prime minister doesn’t have business meetings. He has relationship sessions.

    That’s the view Justin Trudeau outlined to the ethics commissioner during her probe of Trudeau’s family vacations to the Aga Khan’s private island, which ended with Mary Dawson finding the prime minister violated four parts of the conflict of interest act.

    But her report also offers a glimpse into how Trudeau views the job as prime minister and how that shapes the inner workings of his government.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/12/26/this-is-how-justin-trudeau-sees-his-job-according-to-ethics-report_a_23317053

    funny

    1. ChipsnSalsa

      But what socks was he wearing at the time? That would be a very important piece of information.

    2. leonadasiv

      As long as you can call it something not bad it’s not wrong. One thing I am a bit envious of Canada is that it seems the media is willing to criticize the political darling more than American media.

    3. R C Dean

      Christ, what an asshole.

  49. RoadSplosives

    Good morning, y’all. It’s a balmy 5 degrees in my neck of the woods. My would-be job recruiter texted me Merry Xmas, and that it was 75 in San Diego. “Just saying”, he said.

    But I will warm myself with the glow of the kitchen stove as I continue my cooking marathon today…

    1. Tundra

      17 degrees warmer than yesterday. Light jacket today!

      1. RoadSplosives

        Woot! I am actually enjoying it a little. Going to bundle up and arrange my birdfeeder and heated birdbath by the back picture window for the kitties to watch all winter.

      2. Pope Jimbo

        Good news everybody!

        This jump in temp (and accompanying show) should be gone by tomorrow. Always nice to know that it is too cold to snow.

        1. Tundra

          Just as well. I don’t like sweating this profusely.

          1. Pope Jimbo

            I’m dripping wet with sweat right now.

            I must be getting older because it was never this much work before to throw my two boys (currently lazing around my house on school break) out of the house to get some shoveling done.

            Of course, I have to also factor in that Mrs. Holiness is on the sluggards side in this dispute, so I have to overcome her too. She thinks that staying up till 3 am playing video games is a valid excuse for not getting up to shovel. *sigh*

          2. Tundra

            Lol. I’m on my own. Spawn 1 is at work and Spawn 2 looks at me like I’m crazy when I suggest that she help.

          3. Pope Jimbo

            Altar Boy #2 is trying to tell me that his recent removal of his wisdom teeth makes it too painful to shovel. I told him he is holding the shovel wrong.

            Fuck, I did the majority of the work by snow blowing the driveway and path to back yard. All they have to do is a few patches by hand.

          4. R C Dean

            Give her the same look when she asks why there isn’t a place set for her at dinner.

      3. RAHeinlein

        The in-laws are flying-in from Arizona tomorrow. FIL just called to say “Do you know Sunday’s predicted high is -4?”

        1. Pope Jimbo

          In ’95 I was working for Accenture in Mpls. Our sister city was Manila. The idea being that every office had somewhere about half a world away to work on big projects 24/7. (A good idea on paper, but never worked in reality).

          One of the things we would regularly do is fly in batches of developers from Manila to spend a few months learning about our projects/standards and prepping to go back home and work on our teams.

          The winter of 95 was a bad one even for a native Minnesodan like me. We had 25 developers take off from Manila where it was 80+ degrees. When they landed it was -25 with a wind chill of -45. The person who met them told them that she had arranged for the bus to drive up on the curb right next to the doors and they were to get their luggage and run onto the bus. (thankfully this was pre-9/11 so the airport cops were OK with this maneuver).

          The told her that she shouldn’t worry, they had gone to a specialty store in Manila and gotten super heavy jackets. According to the handler, the jackets would maybe be OK here in late October.

          After just running 5 feet through that cold, they were stunned by what they had gotten themselves into. Their first stop was a Walmart, where they bought real winter clothing.

          If I remember correctly, the high their first week in Mpls was -5. Even for Minnesodans, that cold snap was bad. The Fillipinos were pretty much convinced it would never end and that they were in hell. Of couse, every native here would comment on how nice of a winter we were having.

          1. MikeS

            This winter looks to be giving 95 a run for the money. Up here we are supposed to hit 5 above today and then not get above 0 until NY Day with a whopping 2 above. -28 Saturday night. Extended forecast shows no more than single digit highs until a week from tomorrow when it’s supposed to be a balmy 10 above.

            The fucking Russians can have their Siberian air back any time now. Christ, what assholes!

        2. R C Dean

          Who flies from AZ to MN in December? That’s not how this works.

    2. PieInTheSKy

      What is that in Kelvin?

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        i^-1 I think.

    3. commodious spittoon

      Our run of good weather broke this week. It’ll be in the low-30s to mid-20s for the next few weeks at least. Y’all got any more of that global warming?

    4. Nephilium

      We’re up in double digits here in Cleveland, even for the predicted lows for the next couple of days. Then lows back in the single/negative digits.

      On the cooking front, the healthy organic grocery store near me (other then Whole Foods) finally realized that they were giving steak away too cheap. They have a deal on now for $5 7 oz. grass fed Filet. In the past, they applied the same per pound discount (~$7) to their whole beef tenderloins as well. They have stopped doing that, instead leaving the whole tenderloins at full price.

    5. invisible finger

      Text back your state tax rates

  50. J. Frank Parnell

    Speaking of Bono, apparently he’s made the SJW shitlist:

    Bono Is Sad Men Have No Outlet For Their Anger Now That They Let Women Make Music

    tw: Jezebel

    1. leonadasiv

      I’m not going to click, because I already had my dose of idiocy for the day, but that headline makes no sense.

    2. He said music was “girly” — not that women shouldn’t make music. But he’s totes shitlord anyway.

    3. libertarianjoe

      When have women ever not been allowed to make music? At least when within Bono’s lifetime has that been the case?

  51. PieInTheSKy

    From our favorite Lizzie

    No matter how eloquent their come-to-Jesus moment, it’s really hard to take seriously anyone who ever earnestly believed “political correctness is a bigger threat than the underlying racism and sexism” in America

    https://twitter.com/ENBrown/status/946360266400419842

    I am not sure abouyt this one to be honest. Political correctness threatens free speech and can actively cause other problems in society not to be addressed. And the underlying sexism and racism while obviously present to some degree and an issue is getting better in time and sadly is not something that can be clearly quantified. But PC stifling speech is somewhat a more clear danger. But then again who knows? I ain’t USistanian. Thoughts?

    1. Tundra

      Thoughts?

      I could really use a sandwich.

      1. DEG

        Yeah, same here.

      2. PieInTheSKy

        so I guess underlying sexism and rape culture is the big issue. this comment proves it

        1. Tundra

          Pastrami would do the trick.

          1. RBS

            Um, look at her. Does she look like someone who could even construct a decent sandwich?

          2. Heroic Mulatto

            Dagwood was pretty skinny too.

          3. Count Potato

            Swearing in punctuation burns a lot of calories.

          4. Heroic Mulatto

            The term is “grawlix“.

          5. Heroic Mulatto

          6. I would eat almost anything Blondie Bumstead put in front of me.

          7. DEG

            A Reuben is a sandwich and worthy of our worship.

    2. Suthenboy

      Elizabeth, when we told you to make a sandwich we didn’t mean a shit sandwich.

      *Under the law are males/females, whites/minorities equal? Where is this elusive racism/sexism?

      PC speech restrictions is a far greater danger because it actually exists.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Neither are significant issues unless implemented with the full force of the government behind them.

      Given that, which one would you be worried about in today’s society?

    4. The Elite Elite

      Underlying racism and sexism? Unless she means racism against whites and sexism against men, which we know she doesn’t, than she’s full of shit, and needs to shut up and make sammiches.

        1. The Elite Elite

          A link by HM that doesn’t go to something sexual? I didn’t know that was possible.

    5. The Other Kevin

      I’m inclined to look at the trends. In 1950, sure, racism and sexism were more of a threat than political correctness. But I can’t ignore the direction both of those are heading.

    6. wdalasio

      And again, this is what TOS considers the epitome of a libertarian journalist.

      Honestly, at times, I can’t help but wonder if all this isn’t a secret plot by the Kochs. It’s known they generally support more traditionally Republican candidates when donating money to politicians. Maybe they fill the libertarian establishment with people like Lizzie to steer libertarians back to the right in revulsion.

      Racism and sexism are really at historic lows. Hell, we just had a black guy win the Presidency twice and the last go-round the only reason we didn’t have a woman succeed him is that she was a singularly awful candidate. On the other hand, we have people in academia, government and the media saying liberties central to what this country is about should be abridged in the name of political correctness. Anyone hear similar calls for abridging our liberties in the name of racial or sexual supremacy any time recently? Nolan-Brown has revealed herself to be a virtue signaling joke. Here’s a hint, Lizzie, the Times isn’t ever going to sign you on board. You’ve already given them the lines they wanted free of charge. Maybe you can land a regular spot at the Huffington Post as a consolation prize.

      1. kbolino

        I wonder sometimes if the Kochs/Libertarian establishment aren’t stuck in a blue state bubble. They think the Democrats are the majority everywhere, so therefore it’s best to appeal to Democrats. Then they get so far up their own asses that any contradictory evidence to this hypothesis has to be ignored.

        1. invisible finger

          They’re just pissed by the fact that an outsider candidate could actually win the White House while the entire country ignored them and their decades of efforts trying to do the same.

          1. kbolino

            Maybe. Although Gary Johnson wasn’t quite the outsider anymore in 2016. Sure, the LP is a marginal entity at best, but Johnson circa 2016 would have fit right in among the DC establishment (don’t call out the Democrats’ corruption, don’t be afraid to be corrupt yourself, don’t gore the sacred cows, etc.). His only real stand-out position would have been on the drug war, and he went kind of tepid on that, too.

          2. SIV

            Gary Johnson was more(less?) than “tepid” on the drug war. He opposed any legalization of drugs other than marijuana.

    7. kbolino

      Thoughts?

      She thinks political correctness is the solution to racism and sexism (and she’s hardly alone) and thus it’s more that the question poses (to her) a false dichotomy.

      “Is political correctness more of a problem than sexism or racism?”
      “Of course not, because there’s still sexism and racism!”

      Put another way, you can hardly have too much PC as long as there are racists and sexists in the world. Since there will always be racists and sexists, …

      1. invisible finger

        Say what you want about HItler, but I’d bet a few of the Jews he put to death were racists or sexists.

        1. MikeS

          And some of them, I assume, were good people.

  52. The Late P Brooks

    You’re not fooling anybody, Elizabeth. Nobody who thinks PC is a bigger problem than the underlying racism and sexism inherent in the American Dream is ever going to get a gig at the NYT, and that’s all you really care about. It must really sting to look at that dishrag Suderman and know he’s been on the op-ed page of the NYT and you haven’t. Buck up. Have a sammich.

  53. The Other Kevin

    I just want to say how proud I am of my fellow Hoosiers, for growing the state economy by not only providing guns to neighboring states, but also to places like Baltimore and Mexico. Hoosier strong!

    1. KSuellington

      It’s heartwarming to see that Hoosiers have not neglected to provide firearms to El Salvador, Venezuela, Colombia, Brazil and Honduras as well. Those countries all heavily restrict the sale of firearms to their respective citizens.

  54. The Late P Brooks

    by not only providing guns to neighboring states, but also to places like Baltimore and Mexico. Hoosier strong!

    How did that ad for Don’s Guns in indpls go?

    “I don’t want to make money, I just like to sell guns!”

  55. commodious spittoon

    Caught up on some South Park last night. Mark Zuckerburg as a dubbed-over kung fu cliche was great. WHAT’S YOUR SHTOYLE?

  56. Number.6

    Last few days for 25% rebate on select Federal American Eagle handgun ammo.

    I have details if anyone’s interested in some cheap plinking ammo (eg, 9mm ends up at 15c/rd after rebate)

    1. Suthenboy

      I found some .308s at 50 cents/round this morning at Cheaper Than Dirt. All of their AE stuff is out of stock. I’m still thinking about it.

      1. Number.6

        If you can tolerate 7.62×51, this place has Prvi Partisan at $0.55. Free shipping on 500 rounds.

        The only problem with them is that when you place your order, they sometimes don’t get around to shipping for a few days, but OTOH, for free shipping and – in your case – no tax, they’re often a good deal.

    2. MikeS

      If 38 Special/357 Mag is included, then yes, please.

      1. Number.6

        As above. Federal American Eagle 38SP.

        Buy a case and they ship for free (with a bit of delay, as noted above). The Federal rebate is a mail-in, 25% of purchase price rebated, with a max of $5/box, $200 in total.

        That place (aside from the delay) have always been pretty good for pricing and their site seems really good on inventory levels.

        1. MikeS

          Thanks!