ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ MUST BESTOW UPON YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK, SINCE HE HAS RAISED YOU FROM BRUTALITY, TO COMMENT ON THE BRUTALS THAT PLAGUE THE INTERNET AND ALL THE EARTH. HAVING GIVEN YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK…GO FORTH AND COMMENT. ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
THIS MUST BE FORBIDDEN! IT WILL DO NOTHING BUT CAUSE PENIC ERECTION! THE PENIS IS EVIL!
THIS BRUTAL IS THE TED KENNEDY OF LAND. HE RECEIVES ZARDOZ’S FORGIVENESS, SINCE HE IS CLEANSING THE EARTH OF OTHER BRUTALS. ZARDOZ WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY OTHER BRUTALS MIGHT NOT BE SO FORGIVING.
FAILED BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. ZARDOZ WILL NOT BE CHOOSING FROM THEIR RANKS.
HOWEVER, ZARDOZ MAY RECRUIT THIS BRUTAL. HE SHOWS ORGANIZATIONAL TALENT ZARDOZ HAS NOT SEEN SINCE THE EXTERMINATOR ZED.
Good morning, all you happy people! I’ve been sparse of late, having spent a week with a houseful of guests, then another week catching up with work, where all is chaos. But sad to say, I’m back, so are weekend links, and there will even be a Return To Jewsday. Let’s see how fucking crazy everything is:
Here’s a story that gets weirder and weirder. Or perhaps not- maybe it’s heading where we all knew it would. Whatever, everyone involved is worthy of hate. It’s too bad that these people have spawned and added their contribution to the human gene pool.
The steepness of the pyramid increases, as inevitably does the onset of the day of reckoning. I have my own idea of the solution, but it’s ideas like that which keep me from ever having politics as a career.
Stories like this make me unaccountably happy. This confirms the suspicion that I am fundamentally not a nice person.
Here’s some superb viewing if you enjoy watching insufferable academics get their asses handed to them. Charles Cooke is the best argument I have about the value of immigration to our country.
As bad as Chicago is, we really don’t have many incidents like this happening at our sports events. I can wear an Orioles hat to a Cubs game or a Ravens cap to a Bears game, and the worst that will happen is some good-natured ribbing. We’ll see what happens when I wear my Ravens gear at Lambeau, but I suspect it will be much the same- people here are fanatic about their sports, but totally cool about “outsiders.” Unless you wear a Packers shirt, in which case, expect to be shot. But that’s only reasonable.
When I put my Giant Meteor 2016 bumper sticker on during the last election, I got a lot of honking and thumbs-ups from other drivers. They’ll be delighted to know that, despite not winning, he’s not done yet.
Oh, and delightfully, the Steinbrenners lost last night, with my personal highlight being a demonstration of Gonzalez’s future as a pitcher- that throw to the plate from left field was not only dead accurate, but clocked in at 94 mph. The only thing better would have been something like the two run strikeout play that the Cubs pulled on Thursday.
And for this week’s Music That Y’all Ignore, one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands from my youth. I saw these guys live twice and have to admit that I only retain bits of memory from the occasions. I attribute that to the methaqualone and THC that of course I would never ever have ingested as a teenager. Nossiree, I was a clean kid who said Nope To Dope and Ugh To Drugs.
STEVE SMITH JUST FOUND OUT THAT SOMEONE TRY TO WRITE HIM IN OLD COMIC BOOKS… AS PART OF CANADA SUPER HERO TEAM!
AT FIRST, STEVE SMITH ALL EXCITED…BUT THEN READ COMICS AND SAW WERE NOT RIGHT. STEVE SMITH NOT SCIENCE GUY, AND ALSO, NO RAPE. SO STEVE SMITH RAPE COMIC STORE OWNER, ALSO RAPE A PILE OF COMIC BOOKS AND SOME CUSTOMERS AND THEN GO BACK TO WOODS. BUT STEVE SMITH NOT FORGET FUNNY PEOPLE HERE. SO HERE ARE LINKS;
STEVE SMITH NOT STUDY US CONSTITUTION, BUT THINK EU LADY WRONG. REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT SENATE AND TREATIES. MAYBE STEVE SMITH SIGN TREATY WITH USA…GET RECOGNITION FOR RAPESQUATCH NATION!
STEVE SMITH MIGHT START WATCHING SPORTSBALL TV NOW.
STEVE SMITH THINK HE COULD DO BETTER PICTURE WITH WEDDING COUPLE. WOULD FEATURE DOUBLE RAPE.
STEVE SMITH WANT TO HONOR HERO. SUGGEST LOCKING HIM AND STEVE SMITH IN EVIDENCE ROOM AND IGNORE CRIES FOR HELP.
SO THAT ALL FOR TONIGHT, FUNNY PEOPLE. STEVE SMITH GO SEE IF HE FIND FRIENDS IN WOODS. BY FIND FRIENDS, MEAN RAPE HIKERS AND CAMPERS.
The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals set aside an injunction and paved the way for the NFL to impose its six-game suspension of Ezekiel Elliott. The appeal hinged on the complete lack of charges, the evidence of the “victim” trying to convince friends to lie on her behalf and the fact that the NFL’s only investigator to speak to her saying there should be not penalty for the player whatsoever. But when you collectively bargain to let the league commissioner have professional power equivalent the that of Kim Jong Un when it comes to meting out punishment, this is the kind of bullshit you can expect. Of course, Zeke never agreed to the CBA since it was put in place prior to him entering the league. But when you effectively have a closed shop, his options are limited. (Note I said “effectively” before you get into the nuance of the CBA and the law.) Zeke’s legal team are weighing their options as the Cowboys are on a bye week. I won’t go into anything else pro football related. Sorry. I’m still red-assed about the shenanigans going on.
I guess the St Louis Blues aren’t perfect after all. And neither are the Maple Leafs, whose rapid descent to the Wales Conference cellar should start right…about…now! Hey, the Red Wings are looking good in their new arena. Mike Illitch would be proud. The USA Mens National soccer team still sucks ass and Bruce Arena isn’t interested in the WC anymore. Why? Because he’s a dipshit, that’s why. But either way, I hope Panama are proud of the way they got to the playoff game. And I hope the Socceroos beat them.
And then there were four. Sorry Nationals fans. But you have to know a team managed by The Lizard is gonna lose when they have a chance to clinch a series. Its happened nine consecutive games now. The Cubs won what can only be considered a wild game by any measure. Big hits, goofy errors, crucial challenges, and some interesting pitching moves. This one had it all. They’ll head to Los Angeles where their series against the Dodgers begins tomorrow. Meanwhile, on the other side of the playoffs where the games are always four hours and pitchers don’t hit, the Yanquis will be in Houston today. Masahiro Tanaka will take the hill for the pinstripes while the Astros send out Dallas Keuchel. Game time 7:08.
Here we are at the end of the week and I know you want some news instead of sports. So I’ll oblige you with…the links!
Three peas in a pod? I don’t know. but I’m sure as fuck grabbing my popcorn. This is better than anything I’ve seen out of Hollywood in years. Meanwhile, the movie mogul was spotted in a Phoenix eatery hours before checking into his sex rehab clinic. Apparently he ordered the manicotti and was said, in unconfirmed reports, to have offered the waitress a really big tip in the penthouse of the nearby W Hotel. Also unconfirmed is whether he recreated Jackie Treehorn’s doodle on the back of the bill.
Robert Pruett was given a lethal injection for the fatal attack on corrections officer Daniel Nagle in December 1999 at a prison southeast of San Antonio. Nagle was repeatedly stabbed with a tape-wrapped metal rod, though an autopsy showed he died from a heart attack that the assault caused. Prosecutors have said the stabbing stemmed from a dispute over a peanut butter sandwich that Pruett wanted to take into a recreation yard against prison rules.
And finding that link as a lead in was a total fluke. But sometimes God smiles at even me. I hope he smiles on each of you and your family today too. Have a great weekend.
And lo, it is Thursday. The day before the end of the week. My brain has finally managed to rend its way free of this illness miasma and worked today. It was crazy maintaining the same thought for more than five minutes.
Can one be a Nazi and also part of (((New World Order)))? Asking for my friend, Don.
That sonofabitch Trump is pissing off state insurance regulators? I read these articles and articles posted by certain other people like Russians used to read Pravda. I assume this will be at worst no less effective than the status quo, and at worst positively affect some people’s ability to receive affordable healthcare.
SugarFree’s pancreas may not work, but he had plenty of spleen to vent about Slate proposing the Library of Congress take over Gawker. I’m trying to think of a good off-line analogy. Maybe they should take over Playboy now that its a bombed out shell of its former self.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug — 80s Hair Metal, lazy edition.
Banjos is home safe and sound and I can finally relax about being stuck a single parent. Jesus, that was not an easy three days. You’ll also note the earlier links are back because my wife is. So thank her instead of my lazy ass.
Dusty “The Lizard” Baker played a little game of Serbian Jew Double-bluff and ended up starting an allegedly under-the-weather Stephen Strasburg. The righty threw a 12-strikeout masterpiece as the Nats thumped the Cubs 5-0 to force Game 5 today. The winner will fly to Los Angeles to face the Dodgers starting Saturday.
Aaron Judge
And on the junior circuit, the fucking Yankees came back from two games down to beat the Indians 5-2. They probably already had their bags packed for Houston and will probably be there by the time I write this. That series starts tomorrow. The win was an act of redemption for Joe Girardi, who failure to replay a call earlier in the series had every talking head going insane. He still probably left CC Sabathia in a little too long, but a comedy of errors by Cleveland in the top of the ninth sealed the deal and made that a long-forgotten memory. In related news, Aaron Judge accumulated three golden sombreros in the five game series. He struck out a total of 16 times over the five games. He avoided the record-tying fifth strikeout in a nine inning game by meekly slapping the ball down the third base line to end the top of the ninth. Man, Jobu has not been kind to him this postseason. But they advance, which is all that matters.
USA Soccer still sucks. And that mighty Troy team that went in and beat LSU on their home field played South Alabama last night. And they got beat 19-8. That’s how bad LSU is (and how bad pre-season pollsters were slotting them at #12 and 13 in the coaches and writers polls respectively). Still not as bad as their miss on Florida State being #3, but the hurricane and the Francois injuries have the Seminole snakebit this year.
Last but not least, the Penguins beat the Capitals. Because that’s what they do.
Alrighty. You people want links? I’ll give you links. Oh yeah, here are…the links!
Remember that crazy little fat fuck who lords over North Korea? Well he’s back in the news shooting his mouth off. I swear, Trump has played him better than he’s playing the NFL. Wildcard, bitches!!!!!
Fight Club: The Early Years. Oh, except for the fact that the plot is actually coherent and the people involved were not doing so freely. Jesus, I hope those fuckers involved in this end up thrown under the jail.
Good news, everyone! The fence people showed up today. By this weekend, I’ll be able to skinny dip again without all of those complaints. My lawyer got the charges dropped, but the prosecutor said that if my neighbors with the young kids had been home, it would be the sex offender list for life. Separately, fuck those bums on the US Commie Football Team. If a single one of them had played with an ounce of heart in the qualifying tournament, instead of assuming their inclusion as a foregone conclusion, they’d be in today. Bums. This is how you play football (bonus link). You think D-battery night at an Eagles game is a bad idea…
BUMS!
Live by administrative rule-making, die by administrative rulemaking. As someone pointed out, following this to its logical end would create problems for IUDs and other post conceptive anti-implantation birth control, but some sort of Metal Rule applies.
Something (not so) funny happened on the way to the 2018 World Cup. Seriously, USMNT? Seriously?!?!?! How do you go to the worst team in the tournament at their stadium that seats 10,000 people and they only have about 1,000 tickets sold in a game where you can’t afford to lose and play with such a lack of heart? I can forgive the fluky first goal. But a 45 yard shot in the open field that gets by the “greatest goalie to ever play for the USA”? And then the complete lack of effort going forward against Trinidad? They’re freaking Trinidad and you’re the USA. You can’t get hyped up enough to show a little energy in that game then you deserve what you got. And Bruce Arena, you’re an idiot that got fired the last time you were in over your head and you deserve to get fired again. Stupid bunch of prima donna assclowns. And in South America, Chile won’t be going either as a wild bunch of games ended up with them staying home. But at least they can say they lost to Brazil on the final day and not Trinidad.
Well the NHL has been playing for a week now and its time to update things. The St Louis Blues are off to a 4-0 start in the west, which should make one special Glib happy. Your boys are on a tear, Jake. Good for them. The Blackhawks should be tied but they lost their third game in OT to “settle” for 3-0-1. They look all but unstoppable. The Maple Leafs are enjoying their greatest season in the last 20 years and sit at 3-0, atop the east. That’s great since they’re usually looking to see how close they are to the last WC spot by the third game of the season. The Caps, Devils and Red Wings are likewise off to good starts, but its so early I don’t want to even look for trends yet. Well, except for the trend of twice as many whistles a game. Seriously, NHL front office, you guys need to reel these officials in. I know slashing was going to be a priority this year but they’re taking it too far.
The Cubs-Nationals game was rained out yesterday and they’ll play Game 4 today. The Yanquis-Indians series-clincher will also happen today in Cleveland. Meanwhile, the Dodgers, who I was so wrong about heading into the Diamondbacks series, and the Astros are calmly waiting and getting their pitching staffs rested in anticipation of their league championship series, which will start Saturday and Friday, respectively. And elsewhere in sports news that was just too funny for me personally not to share, Paul Finebaum went on the radio yesterday and told it like it is. I’m not so sure his paymasters at ESPN will be happy that he went against their “golden boy” narrative in such strong words. But they’ve got bigger problems to deal with than that little, bald turd shooting his mouth off.
Right-o then. You guys ready for some links? I bet you’re ready for some links. Then let’s give it up for…the links!
I’d have to be crazy to go against the teacher union
California permanently eliminates exit exam requirement for high school graduation. The reason given was that it didn’t align with the new common core standards. I guess they couldn’t have changed the questions? Either way, the public school system there is an absolute joke so I don’t think this is going to matter any unless there was a rider on the bill that snuck merit-based pay and retention for teachers. And we all know that will never happen in the Golden State.
Remember that cop who arrested the nurse in Utah because she refused to break the law? Well he got fired yesterday. Want to get an unfortunately all-too-real laugh? Read this bit from the article (emphasis mine):
Attorney Greg Skordas, who represents Payne, said his client plans to appeal a firing he considers unfair and over the top. Skordas said Payne would still be employed if the body camera footage hadn’t generated so much attention and blown the events out of proportion.
“Blew it out of proportion? You mean shown what really happened rather than allowing the cop to be the only official version of what happened? His supervisor that let the whole thing happen got demoted. And as far as I can tell, nobody will face prosecution and the taxpayers will eventually be on the hook for some sweet, sweet settlement money.
Harvey Weinstein is off to sex rehab in Europe. Not quite sure where, but my money is its on to a nation without an extradition agreement for the types of crimes he has all but admitted to. Roman Polanski was not available for comment as he was spotted building an addition onto his chalet yesterday.
I’d like to take a moment to thank Playa Manhattan for stepping up to the plate yesterday. Sunday and yesterday I was sicker than I’ve been in a long time. Today its just cough syrup and whiskey toddies. I was so sick last night I had a dream where I went to a Glibs meetup and STEVE SMITH showed up. Woke up feverish, shivering, and clenching my anus against the oncoming rapelopithicus “caress”. If my hats start talking to me, I may have to go cold turkey.
I believe this is what they call “taking the piss”: “Israel ought to offer her services to Spain and the EU as an ‘honest broker,’ and negotiate an end to the Catalonian crisis on the basis of ‘land for peace.’”
An interesting analysis of Universal Basic Income and the relationship between government and the governed.
How in the fuck can a country that doesn’t have a functioning electrical grid hack our war plans? This is just more of a type of baseless story that is modeled on the old Red Scare. Russians/Norks are starving, half-literate, and have no real army, but are magically super spies that makes them a threat. I’m just going to say it, if you can’t secure your information from the North Koreans, you are doing it wrong.
I see all this pearl grabbing about some young man shooting a cop on a college campus, with much discussion of “campus carry”. *Reads story* Wait, they arrested him for possession of drugs? I didn’t realize Texas had campus carry for drugs. If only they would pass a law against having drugs on campus, a cop would be alive today!
Local (to me) afternoon bonus link: This guy needs to learn how to use Porn Mode on his browser. Maybe he could google it.
We are now moving on to day 2 of the Sloopy Single Parent Experiment. Day 1 was an adventure but I managed to survive it intact and everybody remained fed and (mostly) clothed. Hopefully I can keep the place together for the next two days while Banjos “works” in Chicago. All I saw from Day 1 were sightseeing photos and pictures of italian casseroles. But whatever. I still think I’ll win the bet that the house will be in one piece when she gets home tomorrow night.
For Aaron Judge, again.
A pair of teams punched their ticket to the next round of the MLB playoffs yesterday. The Dodgers got the brooms out and swept the D-backs back to the desert, I’ll be honest, I thought they’s beat the Dodgers. But to get swept and be all but humiliated? Jeez, that’s rough. They await the winner of the Cubs-Nats, which sits at 2-1 Chicago after the Cubs won yesterday. They’ll be the lone game tonight. The other team was the ASTROOOOOOOOOS!!! They brushed aside a game Red Sox team in an action-packed game that included a bottom-of-the-ninth inside the park homerun to cut the lead to one. The Yankees won last night, despite Aaron Judge getting his second golden sombrero in four games and hitting a measly .067 in the series. Dude needs to have them sacrifice a live chicken in the clubhouse or run to KFC. They’ll play the Indians in the deciding Game 5 tomorrow night.
Some more soccer teams punched their ticket to Russia 2018 last night, but the most interesting development was Ireland beating Wales on the road 1-0 and sneaking into the playoffs. Th interesting night is tonight, with CONCACAF and CONMEBOL both playing their final round of games. Will the USA get in (if the field is even playable)? Will the Mexicans and Ticos dump their games in order to give the Hondurans and/or Panamanians a chance to pass us? Will the Argentinians sneak back in on the last day? Lots to shake out.
OK, we gotta talk some serious stuff now. Well, kinda. You decide for yourself what’s serious and what’s a joke as I present…the links!
Sexual harassment victim? Supposedly.
Lena Dunham bitches about the silence of men surrounding Harvey Weinstein. And she regales us of a similar tale that happened to her with another Hollywood producer…who she refuses to name. No word about sticking her fingers into her pre-pubescent sister in the story or falsely accusing someone of rape while in college. And no word about her sexually harassing Odell Beckham at a gala event where she was grinding all up on him when he wouldn’t give her a moment’s attention. Maybe they’ll come up in the next installments. Maybe not. Clinton, Obama and other Democrat power players are conspicuously silent.
Remember how Colorado legalized pot? Not everybody got the memo. The four arrested all “have ties to Cuba” and the local cops arrested them with help from there FBI and DEA. At a “street value of over $1,000,000”, we can assume it was all really worth a couple grand and is more about the state strictly enforcing their oppressive licensing and taxing scam. Which, when you think about it, is ironically what the Cuban growers were probably fleeing in the first place.
And, oh yeah, the police made a minor change in the timeline of the Vegas mass shooting. And by minor change, I mean they make a fucking earth-shattering alteration to the timeline and release that THE SHOOTER SHOT A SECURITY GUARD OUTSIDE HIS ROOM A FULL SIX MINUTES BEFORE HE STARTED TO OPEN FIRE ON THE CROWD. A full six minutes before he opened fire, he shot someone, without a suppressor, in the hallways of a huge Las Vegas hotel right at the time people are heading out for the night. And the hotel and/or police never came up to investigate for another 76 minutes? Never got a call down from a curious guest that happened to open his door and see a security guard bleeding after hearing a loud bang? Well congratulations, LVMPD and FBI. You’ve managed to make pretty much anything else you say questionable. In further news, they’re still 100% certain he had no ties to any extremist groups and that he for sure, without a doubt was the only one in the room. Jesus, what a fucking disastrous fuckup.
Good luck out there today. I’m gonna try and keep the place in one piece as I work and as Banjos enjoys a mini-vacation work conference in the Windy City.
And lo, it is Thursday. The day before the end of the week. My brain has finally managed to rend its way free of this illness miasma and worked today. It was crazy maintaining the same thought for more than five minutes.
