ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. REHAB IS ALMOST OVER, AND ZARDOZ IS FEELING GREAT. ZARDOZ’S NEW FRIEND HAS OFFERED TO LET ZARDOZ STAY IN HIS DEN, WHILE LOOKING FOR NEW JOB.
ZARDOZ TO RECEIVE WARM WELCOME?
WHILE ZARDOZ PACKS HIS BELONGINGS, ENJOY SOME LINKS, CHOSEN ONES.
*hums Katy Perry song gaily while preparing links* Oh hello there fellow Glibertarians! I didn’t hear you come in. It’s Friday afternoon so we’ll keep things relatively light. Enjoy!
Los Angeles tunnel diggers discover bone of ancient giant sloth. Kristen Bell hardest hit.
The twin human advances of digging giant tunnels under the erf to move people and catheterization so that drugged out homeless people can piss themselves continuously on the train without ruining their ratty sweatpants.
If you recognize this guy, track him down and fuck up his day with a cudgel. Explanation. Update: Guy was caught after I finished prepping links, you’ll have to wait until he’s out to cudgel him, sorry folks.
Philippine politics are almost as interesting as American politics. I wonder how you say “the minute you drive it off the lot” in Tagalog. Also this week, Duterte does his best STEVE SMITH impression.
Today is National Doughnut Day. You forgot? Monster! The Denver Post wants to remind you that people who bring their coworkers (and Friday Afternoon Links editors) doughnuts are more popular in a thinly veiled an ad for Postmates: promo code DONUTFAIRY (no relation to our kindly Edit Faerie).
Lebanon bans ‘Wonder Woman’ in protest against Israeli actress Gal Gadot. Lebanese Rivens hardest hit.
Pornhub released an infographic showing the most common misspellings of porn searches by state. Florida Man sure likes his wbony porm, eh? SFW link from Thrillist if you don’t want “Pornhub” in your work history (their blog is SFW, but pornhub.com…)
And while skimming #MuscleBear on Instagram looking for some skin to post up, I came across this:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BU0g0BFFrmt/
10 internet points to whoever can figure out why that hashtag was used there. And here’s something more in line with what I was looking for.
Well the NBA Finals finally kicked off last night after they took what felt like a month off after the conference championships. The Cavs looked like they knew what they were doing. Except on defense. And on offense. And on special teams. Let’s see if they make the corrections before they get around to playing game 2. Meanwhile, in 2017-2018 preseason action, the Spurs will play the Rockets tomorrow night. Oh wait, that’s not for a couple more weeks (probably). In baseball news, the Astros took a day off but get back to business tonight against the Rangers. And in college baseball, nothing happened…yet. But we’re all gonna be pulling for the Hogs and the Hoos to do some damage as the playoffs kick off this weekend. I say those two teams because we have a couple of passionate fans on here that talk about them regularly. And we’ll also be pulling for Rice! Let’s go Owls! (I have my reasons.) Full bracket here. If there’s a team you want thoughts and prayers for in addition to those listed, please let us know in the comments.
No hockey tonight, but you canucks will still be in our thoughts and prayers as we enter the weekend. Oh wait, there are no canadian teams left. That’s ok, you can keep watching the American teams win year after year and still enjoy it. Right?
With the stroke of a pen, Donald Trump Literally Kills The Planet. LOL, you can’t parody these people. Because it wouldn’t go far enough in describing their insane reaction to the President unilaterally stopping us from entering into a useless agreement that his predecessor unilaterally entered us into in the first place.
You’re goddamn right I want universal health care! Wait, you mean I have to pay for it?!?! Sorry, California. If you’d have been more judicious in harvesting and spending those unicorn turds and leprechaun tears on HSR choo-choo’s and cops making $200k and up a year, there might be some left over. Unfortunately you didn’t.
Illinois Bond Penalty Status
Illinois bonds downgraded to near-junk status. Lowest ever for a state. Moody’s and S&P both finger unfunded liabilities and a backlog in bills that are already equal to 40% of the annual receipts for the reason. Both say the state will likely lose rating altogether unless they get their shit together by July 1.
In the big news of the day, apparently, a unidigital wave is no longer considered a friendly greeting in Queens. I’m sure you can still use it in the Bronx.
Just saying hi
It looks like that sonofabitch Trump is going to single-handedly destroy the entire world climate, while running the economy into the ground, and crashing the stock market. SLD: It is my belief that the regulatory gridlock caused by the Chaos Lord-in-Chief is the only thing remotely attributable to an economic driver. (**Takes look at Facebook, cancels account, sets fire to computer**)
PlayaManhattan, I hope you got those batteries installed. California hints at power problems during August eclipse.
Pratt & Whitney are giving away an F-35 engine upgrade. **Reads further** Oh, receiving $1B for a different engine development program. Lots of zero unit cost upgrades if you spend a gigabuck with anyone. You drop a billion bucks in hotel stays, Hilton will give you a free suite with a sex worker in the gender of your choice.
If white smoke means a new Pope, does black smoke mean a new anti-Pope?
Have a little throwback Monster Magnet. (Is this song really almost 25 years old? Fuck me. No way is this album as far away from its release as the White Album was when this came out.)
SO much for avoiding the sweep. The Twins weren’t able to convert on decent field position and were held to a pair of field goals while the Astros put a couple touchdowns on the board and a late field goal of their own to win 17-6. Meanwhile, the Penguins curb-stomped the Predators in the third period to take a 2-0 series lead as the Stanley Cup Finals got a little chippy in Game 2 as the officials forgot what cross-checking, slashing and spearing were. Half of the after-whistle play looked like they were reenacting some old Flyers Broad Street Bullies action. Not much else in the sports world, unless you want to talk about a hilarious dashcam video. Or perhaps the expected reaction to a pretty idiotic statement. Oh yeah, the NBA Finals starts tonight too. I forgot, what with the ridiculously long break after the conference finals.
Whew. You got all that? Good. Because now we can get down to business with…the links!
Desperate to remain in the public eye, has-been politician makes obvious statement. Media jumps to wrong conclusion. Of course they had help…from your campaign manager’s inability to resist a phishing scam. And probably from Seth Rich as well, whose murder was inexplicably not caught on one of the myriad video cameras dotting the area where he was killed, his killer was not spotted, the police never asked area businesses to review their footage in the immediate time surrounding the shooting and his laptop still remains in the possession of authorities even though it was allegedly a mugging gone wrong. But I digress.
Happy Hump Day on a short week. Not much has changed since this morning, so these are mostly going to be, uh, “culture” links.
In sports news, Cleveland Browns building a tower to let fans down again.
Let’s see, my Constitution says that no agreement can be binding on future Presidencies without the consent of two-thirds of the Senate. Tom Steyer’s is apparently different.
Stobor are once again taking over jobs that Americans won’t do! Down with stobor!
Its weird how everyone wants to focus on Russians “hacking” the election and nobody wants to focus on Pakistanis hacking Congress.
Seven foot alligator in the pool? Just another day in Central FL. We have six foot fences, so they’d have to be at least eight feet long to get in our pool.
Short holiday weeks always get in my head. I better go get my covfefe and wake up before I post the links…
…that’s better. Man, these are the barren wasteland days of sports. Not hockey last night. The NBA Finals hasn’t started yet. Its become a foregone conclusion that the Astros are gonna win. There’s just nothing really to discuss from last night. LaVarr Ball is nuts. Can that be my sports topic? I mean, we’ve known this for months. Anyway, hockey tonight. That’ll get the juices flowing again. Let’s hope its a good game.
Alright, I’ve dithered enough. I know what you people want. So I’m jumping right into…the links!
Since Democracy Dies In Darkness, WaPo dedicates an incredible amount of time and space to a misspelled tweet. So much time and space that it is literally one of the three leads on their website. Hey, President Trump should feel honored. 28 murdered Coptic Christians in Egypt didn’t even warrant that kind of coverage from them!
I hope everybody had a great time over the weekend. We went to an even nicer beach than the one that’s 2 miles from my house, and has even fewer people on it. My kids loved it, and my wife is happy. Me, I’m back to work. Here’s some links to get us through to the end.
Evergreen headline: Zookeeper killed by tiger died doing what she loved. Memo to my family, don’t ever imply that being mauled by a tiger is “what I love/loved.”
Mauled by Tiger?
Also from the news-to-no-one department: Fathers treat sons, daughters differently. It appears that the average American dad remains unwoke, modelling different behavior for their male and female offspring.
NASA literally wants to burn money in the form of a space-probe launched directly into the Sun. If they want a list of people I think would be great to use as test subjects, I have one.
