Category: Fun

  • Shall We Play A Game?

    Board games… the very name makes most adults cringe.  We’ve seen the family fight over Monopoly (and how so-and-so always cheats), we’ve been bored to tears playing Chutes and Ladders and Candyland with kids, and most of us have dealt with the one lone Risk army that holds off a much larger force all by itself.  You’d be forgiven if you weren’t aware that there has been a renaissance of games going back to the late 90’s, and from Germany of all places (you know what else came from Germany?)..  

     

    This influx of new games (with a little help from Kickstarter) has brought about the modern board game culture.  There are games for all tastes: light party games, games heavy with math, press your luck games, games that test your dexterity, and cooperative games.  I’m hoping that by writing this up, I can introduce some new players to some great games, and get more players involved in the hobby.

     

    Inspiration for this comes from FEE (Foundation for Economic Education), who did a write-up on one of my favorite games: Chinatown.  Instead of repeating what’s in that article, I’m going to focus on a couple of other games that would work well for different groups of people.  I’ll be focusing on games that are available for purchase (at a reasonable price), and here I’m going to focus on some entry level games that play in about an hour.

     

    Game 1: An Auction Game – Modern Art (3-5 players)

    You vill haff fun!

    This is a game created by Dr. Reiner Knizia, one of the most prolific board game designers of all time.  The premise of the game is simple, each player is running a modern art museum.  Everyone is dealt a hand of cards, which all feature a different piece of art by a selection of modern artists.  There’s also a symbol in the upper right corner of each of the cards indicating how they will be auctioned off.  On each player’s turn, they play a card and it is auctioned off as indicated.  These auctions can be a fixed price, hidden money, traditional open auction, one around, or a double auction (which allows a second card from the same artist to be played).  The player who played the card is the auctioneer, and is also allowed to bid on the card themselves.  If the auctioneer wins, they pay the winning bid to the bank, if any other player wins the auction they pay the auctioneer.  Then the next player selects a card to play, and this continues until the fifth card of any one artist is played.  At that time, the round is over and each player sells their paintings to the bank at a price determined by the popularity of the artist.  The artist who ended the round will have all of their paintings be worth 30, the artist who came in second has their works valued at 20, the third place artist has works valued at only 10, and every other artist’s paintings are worthless at the end of the round.  Each player gets a couple more cards, and another round begins.  This is where things get interesting, as the valuations from earlier rounds add on to the current round as long as the artist is one of the three most popular.  If you have paintings from an artist who was the most popular in the first three rounds, but is the fourth most popular in the fourth round, that painting is worthless.  The game plays over four rounds, and playtime is around 30-60 minutes.

     

    Game 2: A family take that game – Survive: Escape from Atlantis (2-4 players, up to 6 with an expansion)

    Nobody escapes. The island sinks. Everyone dies.  🙁

    This is an old game, and originally was released by Parker Brothers in 1982.  If you want a different theme, there is a space version as well, but I much prefer the classic.  In this game, there’s an island built up in the middle of hex tiles that are beaches, forests, and mountains.  Players then put meeples (little pieces shaped like people) on the island (each of these meeples has a number on the bottom between 1 and 6), and scatter boats around the island.  Once the meeples are placed, you are not allowed to look at the numbers again.  Each turn, players move their meeples or controlled boats up to three spaces total, then select a portion of the island to sink (beaches sink first, then forests, and finally the mountains).  The back of the island tile will either be an instant effect (such as a boat or a shark appearing), or a tile you can hold onto to play on a later turn (such as a dolphin dragging a swimmer up to 3 spaces).  Then the part that gets everyone excited, you roll a monster die to see which of various sea creatures you get to control.  There’s three, and an equal chance for you to roll any of them.  They are:

     

    • The Sea Monster – 5 of these start on the board.  There’s no defense against them, they kill any meeple they touch, and destroy any boat they touch.  Thankfully, they can only move one space
    • The Sharks – None of these start on the board, but will get added as the island tiles get flipped over (which means you get to make people fall into sharks).  Sharks kill any meeple they touch, but leave boats alone.  They have the ability to move up to two spaces.
    • The Whales – These also are absent from the board at the beginning, and get added later.  Whales don’t hurt people at all, but they destroy any boat they touch, throwing the people in the boat into the water.  They are the fastest of all of the monsters, being able to move three spaces.

     

    Few things cause as much cheering and groaning around the table as a Sea Monster eating a boat full of meeples.  The goal is to get your meeples to the safe spaces in the four corners of the board.  The game ends when the mountain tile that has the volcano on the back is flipped, so you never know exactly when the game will end.  At the end of the game you score points based on the numbers on the bottom of the meeples you rescued.  The most points wins, and the game is over in about 45 minutes.

     

    Game 3 – Do we all really need to know the rules? Between Two Cities (1-7 players; best with 5-7)

    This one is a Swiss Servator Pick to Click!

    This one has a bit of a twist, it’s a tile drafting game that is semi-cooperative.  Each player is working to build two cities, one with the player on their left, one with the player on their right.  For the first round, everyone draws 7 tiles, and keeps two of them.  The others will be passed along to the player on their left.  Of the two tiles that everyone has drafted, one must go into the city on their left, and the other in the city on their right.  At this point, players will negotiate and discuss what works best for all three of the players.  Why would you work with both players?  Because at the end of the game, you score all of the cities, and each player’s final score is the city they are sitting between with the lowest score.  So if the city on your right is worth 78 points, and one on your left is worth 30, your final score is 30.  The game will rarely have ties for the winner, but the losing score is always shared between (at least) two players.  In the second round of the game is where things get tricky.  Each player receives 3 duplex tiles (each duplex tile is the size of two standard tiles, and has two buildings on it), and must select 2 of them (once again, one for the city on their left, and one for the city on their right).  These tiles cannot be rotated, some are vertical, others horizontal, and must fit into the final city grid (a 4 x 4 square).  After this, there’s a final round of 7 tiles (this time passed to the right), and the cities are scored.  The really nice thing about this game is you don’t have to go through strategies or deep plans with new players, just explain the scoring, and make sure they’re sitting between two players who know the game, as it’s in all of their best interests to make sure the new player’s cities do well.  Since this is a drafting game, the play time stays steady at 30-45 minutes.

    If there’s a good response to this, I have several other groupings of games to talk about.  Let me know if you would rather see brief write-ups to steer you towards games, or in-depth reviews about a single game at a time.  I own more than enough games to keep this going for a long time, and that’s not even going into the games that I’ve played.

  • Yusef’s Musical Morning

    Disclaimer: I don’t claim to be good, but people tell me I’m better than I think I am, and I am good.

    What am I doing now. I usually play stringed instruments, guitars, basses and ukuleles, but I wanted to expand my horizons. And since I like EDM and Floyd, Jean Michel Jarre, and Pete Townsend’s Sequencing, I thought I would give it a whirl. Most of it it is live on the spot, no pre-recording, so the results are interesting.

    Instruments. Harmor to M-audio keystation 88

    Sawer (currently) to my Nectar Impact 25 LXi

    Yard sale Yamaha through Lexicon mpx200

    Behringer 502 preamps for each PC(2)

    SR16 drum machine(sometimes)

    Groove Machine on my Tablet

    And a Moog werkstatt 01, with Arduino arpeggiators, sometimes.

    Everything goes through a 1202 Behringer stand alone mixer.

    Pyle 160 watt amp (driver only)

    Old Kenwood 4 way speakers with old school Electronic bypasses.

    I love mixing old and new tech, and this is a blast; much more fun than playing guitar in a rock band, been there, done that. For those interested, my channel has quite a few different styles, but my current thing is TEPME3, trivia question to follow.

     I wrote this knowing there are many musicians here, and I thought we should share, Enjoy!

    Dyson Sphere, and I’m the star in the middle 😉

     

     

  • Mid-Day Open Post

    OK, you folks have blown past 500 comments in the Morning Links. So, I am going to drop this here empty post for everyone to continue the fun.

  • ZARDOZ’S HALLOWEEN OPEN POST ON COSTUMES

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ UNDERSTANDS THAT TODAY IS A BRUTAL CELEBRATION OF “HALLOWEEN”. ZARDOZ WILL PERMIT THIS, AS IT LEADS TO MUCH UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOR AMONGST BRUTALS – RAZOR BLADES IN APPLES, DRUGS CONCEALED IN CANDY AND DESTRUCTION OF BRUTAL PROPERTY BY VANDALISM.

    IN AN EFFORT TO MOVE THE BRUTAL CELEBRATIONS ALONG, ZARDOZ HAS GIVEN YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES, AN OPEN POST. DISCUSS YOUR DISGUISES YOU WILL DON, IN ORDER TO MOVE AMONG THE BRUTALS… COSTUMES, DISGUISES…THEY ARE FUNCTIONALLY THE SAME.

    ZARDOZ WILL START OFF THE SUBJECT FOR HIS CHOSEN ONES:

    Nice boots!
    THE CLASSIC “ZED” LOOK

     

    GO AS ONE OF THE ETERNALS

     

    OR, FINALLY

    AN EASY ONE, ARTHUR FRAYN

     

    ZARDOZ WOULD INQUIRE OF HIS CHOSEN ONES – WHAT DISGUISE…”COSTUME”… WILL YOU USE TO WALK AMONG THE BRUTALS? COMMENT BELOW! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • UnCivil Cooks – Let Them Eat Cake

    I am legally obligated to inform you all that I, UnCivilServant, and a straight, white, cismale shitlord as part of a plea deal to avoid public ruination on the charge of transmisogyny. Turns out when your gay Nazi neighbors start talking about their daughter’s upcoming bar mitzvah, you should not ask if the surgeons were required to model a foreskin for later removal. How was I supposed to know there wasn’t going to be any surgery? Anyway, the other half of the plea deal requires furnishing the event with a cake. So that’s what we’ll be baking today.

    *sigh*

    Now, I don’t know kosher from vegan, so we’re not going to be all that fussy and if anyone notices, it’s their fault for not putting more specifics in the plea text. Since ‘cake’ is a very general term and I’m lazy, we’re going to go with a simple recipe, a basic sponge cake. A sponge cake is in the same family as the pound cake with one very basic difference. Sponge cakes are leavened with baking powder, while pound cakes are unleavened. Other than that it’s the same recipe. Well, it says it right there in the name, pound cakes have their major ingredients measure by weight, and as such so too do sponge cakes. So a kitchen scale is a must before we move on. I know a lot of people don’t bother to get one.

    Not really my fault there.

    So what do we need?

    • 1/2 pound eggs (usually 4)
    • 1/2 pound butter
    • 1/2 pound flour
    • 1/2 pound sugar
    • 4 teaspoons baking powder
    • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

    Oh look, I’ve gone and measured them out for us.

    Ready, Get Set, Cook!

    That chocolate bar there? Well, that will be turned into a garnish later on. [REDACTED] is a great local chocolate shop. This is just a basic bar of dark chocolate, and we needn’t worry about it right now. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

    So we need to start making the cake batter. I’ve already weighed out the sugar into the bowl for my stand mixer. That’s a clue – we start by whipping the butter and sugar together. I am using the whisk attachment for reasons that will become clear later on. After all, the hardest ingredient is the butter, and that should have softened up a bit by the time you’ve weighed everything out. After abusing the sugar and butter, you get something that photographs a lot like mashed potatoes.

    Not Potatoes

    It’s time to add our eggs. As typical, don’t get the shells in. This may be a grudge cake, but even I have standards. Be sure to scrape the sides often to make sure the butter and sugar mixture gets whisked into the eggs. Butter knife and plastic spatula both work for this – just make sure to stop the mixer before sticking anything that isn’t an ingredient into the bowl.

    Once fully integrated, we’ll end up with a uniformity our neighbors might not appreciate.

    Scrambled

    Return the bowl to the mixer and add small increments of flour, making sure it gets as fully mixed in as possible. Then add our vanilla and baking powder and keep mixing and scraping the sides until you get a uniform mass. Hopefully, you’ll have mixed in some air bubbles. Scoop this into an eight inch baking pan. With a half pound cake base, there will only be enough for one pan. If you’re generous enough to want to make a two layer cake, use a full pound base, double the baking powder and vanilla, and split the batter between two pans. Spread it out to cover the bottom of the pan. I ended up with something like so

    Sugar, Fat, Protein and Carbohydrates!

    Drop the cake into the oven and set a timer for thirty minutes.

    When the timer goes off, we have to conduct the dreaded ‘toothpick test’. I don’t know why people insist on using toothpicks. Not only are knives reusable, but the results are easier to see, and the damage done will not be visible on the finished product.

    Anyway, at the half hour mark, the top looked done, but our cake failed the toothpick test.

    Underdone

    As you can see, there is what looks like batter on the knife we stuck the cake with. So back into the oven it goes. Now it becomes a game of waiting a while, stabbing it again, and if it’s still battery, baking some more.

    Here’s what it looked like when the cake was finally done

    Done

    Don’t worry about those holes in the top of the cake. We’re going to frost it – with buttercream.

    Oh the screeching from the neighbors. Pound cakes are so often unfrosted. Oh well, that’s what they get for being nonspecific. We set the cake aside to cool and turn our attention to frosting.

    What do we need for a basic chocolate buttercream?

    • 4 cups powdered sugar
    • 2 sticks butter
    • 1/3 cup cocoa powder
    • 1-2 tablespoons milk

    Let’s wash up the bowl and whisk attachment we used on the cake. (I never invested in a second bowl for the mixer, silly me). And then dry them off. Cut up the sticks of butter into the bowl and measure out the sugar and cocoa powder. It will form an uninteresting heap of ingredients. see?

    It will taste better than it looks when we’re done.

    Alternate between slow runs with the mixer and scraping down both the sides of the bowl and the whisk. If you run it too fast, you get powdered sugar flying out of the bowl and it causes a mess. Once it won’t mix any further, start drizzling in a little milk. Until the frosting starts to clump up into a single mass, stay on the lower speeds for the same reason as before. After it gets clumpy, you can increase speed to whip it together. The key part here is to watch the consistency and to add as little liquid as possible to get the desired texture. Eventually you’ll end up with something resembling frosting.

    See?

    Now we need to wait for the cake to cool off. Ideally it should be at room temperature for the next steps. Why? Because our frosting is made from buttered sugar, and it will melt otherwise. Now, find the bread knife. You should have a bread knife from when we made sandwiches. Hold it parallel to the surface the cake is resting on and slice off the top. We’re not splitting it, we’re making a relatively flat surface. For instance, this:

    The closest we come to hat tips.

    This is not the surface we’re going to frost. Once we have the top level, we flip the whole darn cake over. There’s a reason for this. The part of the cake in contact with the surface of the pan will be tougher than the interior or top. This happens with all cakes to varying degrees. We’re using the fact to our advantage to make it easier to frost. These surfaces are less prone to tearing when you’re spreading frosting over them. Trying to plaster cake divots with buttercream is less fun than it sounds. So having it not rip is a good thing.

    Anyway, frosting a cake is an art – one I have not mastered. I can get it to the point where no one will comment on it at your typical get together. I don’t attend fancy cocktail parties, and if I did, I’d expect them to be catered by professionals. Anyway, after some effort, the cake looked like this

    You can’t even tell the cake is upside-down

    And so we come back to that bar of dark chocolate in the first picture. It was sitting in my cabinet for over a week, and was very much at room temperature. Room temperature being unfortunately close to eighty. In early October. Curse you unproven pseudo-scientific theories about anthropogenic climatological effects!

    Anyway, since it is soft, we can take a simple knife, say the one we tested the cake with, and start shaving curls off the side of the bar. Make sure you have a plate to catch them with, and be careful about the warmth of your hand melting the chocolate. Well, here’s what I mean…

    We’re not making a mess, we’re making ‘Art’!

    We take those little dark chocolate curls and shavings and distribute them haphazardly over the top of the cake. Dub it “art” and the neighbors will be forced to applaud it. It will bear some resemblance to this here.

    ART!

    I hope Xe likes it.

  • UnCivil Cooks – Sandwich from Scratch

    I think I’d like a sandwich today.

    *Yells into other room*

    Oi! Make me a Sandwich!

    *Waits*

    Dammit, I live alone. I have to do it myself. Welp, I guess I’m going to talk the Glibertariat through a process again. Let’s see, do we have any bread…

    Nope.

    I guess that’s where we have to start.

    Garlic Cheddar Beer Bread

    We need some ingredients. What are they?

    • 3 Cups Flour
    • 2 Teaspoons Salt
    • 3 1/2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
    • 2-6 Teaspoons minced Garlic
    • 12 oz Beer
    • 8 oz Sharp Cheddar
    • 1 Tablespoon Butter

    Before we forget, lets make sure the oven is empty, then set it to 350 degrees. That’s Fahrenheit for anyone from a country that measures based on water rather than humans. If you don’t want to do the math that’s 1.77 times the boiling point of water.

    Let’s just toss the flour, salt, baking powder and garlic in the mixing bowl. There’s no special magic this early on in the process. We need to grate the cheese before adding it, or it won’t integrate too well. After that, it should look something like this:

    We’re still doing that cooking-show thing, right?

    Simple enough, now we mix those together. I have a stand mixer with a dough hook, but that really is overkill. We’re not going to knead the dough, the only reason I like the dough hook for this process is that it’s easier to clean in the end, and it still gets the job done. Now we have – mixed powdery substances in a bowl with some cheesy bits.

    Time to add the beer.

    Now Glibs have been known to have massive debates on the topic of beer, so I’m not going to bother telling you what you should pick. If you don’t have a preference, grab a basic American Lager, the cooking and the other ingredients will cover the flavor.

    With the beer added, we mix until we get a fully integrated dough. It will be a wet dough and will cling to pretty much anything. We need a loaf pan either greased with butter, coated with oil, or spritzed with cooking spray, anything suitable as a release agent that you’re willing to ingest. Get the dough in said loaf pan and relatively evenly distributed. I find hands to be the best implment for doing this, but don’t want to interrupt the cooking to wash the dough remnants off again. So I keep a box of disposable gloves in the kitchen for just this sort of thing.

    See:

    Ten cents well spent.

    We still have that tablespoon of butter. Melt it and get it across the top of the dough, either drizzle it, or brush it, or some combination of the two. Usually I melt it in the microwave because it’s fast and I’m lazy. Here, if you have extra cheese from the first grating, you can sprinkle it on the top. This produces an excellent effect when baked. Alas, I did not have sufficient cheese.

    Drop the loaf pan into the oven at about the middle of the space and set a timer for forty-five minutes. While we wait, we have to resist wandering off for a little bit. A proper sandwich deserves accompaniment. Lets put together some classic tomato soup.

    Simple Tomato Soup

    I haven’t got any of the canned stuff, so we’re making this from scratch too. We’ll need ingredients. Where are my handy bullet points?

    • 1/2 Stick Butter
    • 1 Onion
    • 28 Oz Crushed Tomatos
    • Oregano
    • Basil
    • Bay leaf
    • 12 Oz (1.5 cups) Stock

    There they are.

    We need to get rid of the onion skin and chop it into small pieces. Mostly because it would look silly to drop a whole onion in the pot. Cans of crushed tomato come in twenty-eight ounce sizes, so this is one such can. If you want to go through the trouble of processing your own, go right ahead. I’m in a bit of a hurry. Same thing with the stock. I used pre-made chicken stock because I had it.

    All right, time to get cooking. Find our trusty dutch oven and make sure it’s been washed since the fish stew incident. Put it on medium heat and melt the half stick of butter. Once that is more or less liquid, add the other ingredients. If you need to know what it might look like, here’s an example:

    That pan looks familiar

    Stir it up and bring to a simmer. Let it continue to simmer until the bread timer has gone off. That should be give or take forty minutes after it went on. It would be advisable to give it a stir every so often to make sure nothing is sticking to the bottom of the pan. If it does, take the edge off the heat some and give it the occasional stir. Do not cover the pan. We want it to boil off some of the excess liquid. After it’s been cooking for a while, it will start to look a bit like real soup:

    Soupy

    Find the bay leaf and toss it. You don’t want to eat that now that it’s done its part. Now, the soup is perfectly edible as-is, but if you want to have consistancy closer to the canned variety, find a blender. Me? I just moved the pan to another burner and put a lid on it. My bread was done.

    The Sandwiches (Finally)

    Well, the bread fresh from the oven was too hot to slice. And since I didn’t have the extra cheese, looked a little pale. See:

    Just loafing around.

    But, once it cooled down, we could get on to the business at hand from an hour ago – making sandwiches. If you hadn’t guessed already from the tomato soup, I’m making grilled ham and cheese. Okay, the grilled cheese was probably obvious, the ham part is pretty common, too.

    The best way to distribute butter for grilling sandwiches is about as contentious as the appropriate type of beer to cook with. You do what makes you happy. I’m going to butter the bread so that the second side is guaranteed a dose of butter equal to the first. Then we start our construction. On the unbuttered side, we lay out a slice of American cheese (It’s traditional, any melting cheese will work). Then some cubes of ham. I stopped here to take a picture because the next step would be another layer of cheese, then the second slice of bread.

    Okay, so the bread was still a bit warm when I sliced it.

    Find a skillet or frying pan, or griddle, or whatever relatively flat bottomed, low-walled (or no-walled) cooking surface you want to use. Put it on medium heat and wait until you can feel the radiant heat a few inches above the pan. Gently lay the assembled sandwiches in.

    Here’s the hard part – we wait.

    We need the heat to brown the lower surface and conduct up into the cheese to turn it molten. This will inevitably take longer than I expect, leading to me standing there in irritation as thermodynamics thumbs its nose at me again. But once we do have it, we flip it over and…

    Browned on one side.

    Yes it is Browned! I know it doesn’t look it in the picture, that’s because it’s a low-contrast to the color of the bread. Take my word for it, it’s browned, and the cheese melted. We also have to wait for the same thing to happen to the other side. This is usually even more frustrating than the first wait, after all it’s been more than an hour since I yelled for an empty kitchen to make me a sandwich, and it’s still not quite done. But, once it is browned, we cut it on a bias (conservative in my case), array it on a plate and ladle out a bowl of our herb-laden tomato soup.

    Yum

    I need to get me a sandwich-making person.

  • UnCivil Cooks – Fish Stew

    Lets see how the resident Glib who doesn’t like anything cooks. We will be making fish stew. This is an improvised recipe that came out of trying to talk myself out of doing something stupid. More or less my first idea was Fish chili. This didn’t sound like it would turn out right, so I talked myself into something less outlandish. Visiting the local mega grocery (that is more than one mile distant from my food-desert located house), I picked up the following items (okay I already had some near the bottom of the list). I’ll start cooking, and sooner or later you’ll be compelled to follow along. Or I’ll randomly switch to first person plural.

    • 1/2 lb perch
    • 1/2 lb shrimp
    • Bacon, 3 rashers
    • 1 onion
    • 1 medium or 3 small potatos
    • carrots
    • 1 bell pepper
    • 12-16 oz stewed tomatos
    • 4 cups vegetable broth
    • Curry Powder
    • Salt and Pepper
    • Corn Starch

    The shrimp I got was pre-cooked. There was a good reason for this – that was the cheapest. There is another good reason – it allowed me to not have to spend too much time cooking the shrimp. So I started out peeling the shimp, the carrots, the potatoes, and the onion. This was a good start, and I followed up by quartering and cleaning the bell pepper. Since I was prepping everything, I carved the perch into two-inch squares. Since it came from Soviet Canukistan, it was still rimed with native frost.

    Here’s what it all looked like before the chopping started in earnest

    Those veggies were too big for the task, to I chopped them into smaller bits, keeping the aromatic and root vegetables separate. This will make later steps easier. I followed it up by moving the pot into the front and cut the bacon into small pieces.

    Chopping Completed

    Now, we could do this next step in a frying pan and move it to the dutch oven, we don’t need to. It’s plenty easy to do all of this in one pan. Start the heat and cook the bacon. We want the flavorful grease to be released, and will be using it as our fat for this part. Once the bacon has given off enough grease, it’s time to add our onion and bell peppers. We cook until the onions start to brown, there should be some browning on the bottom of the pan, this is fine.

    Not Caramelized.

    We need to get that tasty material off the bottom of the pan. After all, it’s bacon, onion and peppers, but mostly bacon. We want that in the stew. We could do some fancy deglazing, or we could just use the next ingredient. Pour our can of stewed tomatoes into the pan, liquid included. We’re going to use the acidic liquid from the tomatoes to deglaze the pan and collect that bacony flavor. To make sure we get it all, let’s cover it with a lid and let it simmer for five minutes.

    After simmering and deglazing.

    All right, we need to start making soup before we can turn it into stew. Lets add the root veggies and three of four cups of the broth. The fourth cup of broth we’re going to reserve for later. This will make sense sooner or later. Some of you might see where this is going.

    Almost soup.

    At this point we have to turn off the burner frenetically, move the pot to another, and clean up a catastrophe in the kitchen.

    Okay, the catastrophe isn’t required, but I did reach into my cabinet, pick up a box of corn starch and promptly drop it. Worse, the lid wasn’t on all that tight and it went everywhere. Half a second of gravity and my kitchen looked like a party at Tony Montana’s house. So I spent too long cleaning up the wite powdery substance, you may see it in the later photographs, because corn starch is pernicious and stubborn.

    Once that diversion has been dealt with, we can re-ignite the burner and put the pot back on the heat. Put it on medium to medium high and set a timer for thirty minutes. Go watch some cat videos on YouTube or something.

    After our timer goes off, we want to check the potatoes. They need to be cooked now, or we’ll have problems. So if they’re underdone, let it cook a little longer. The carrots can be a little crispy, that won’t be a problem, they’re just carrots.

    The content of the pot should look something like this.

    Now the bacon is a nice little bit of protein, but it’s not the primary source for this. So lets toss in our shrimp and the perch. Toss in three teaspoons of curry powder and a liberal helping of black pepper. Mix it all in. The perch will cook quickly. If you have anything resembling a membrane on the fillet, it will curl into nice little tubes while it does so. This is all right. This is also why I’m glad the cooked shrimp was the cheapest, since it allowed this step to go fast.

    Almost there…

    Let’s leave the pot for a while and get a bowl, pour the reserved broth into it and start mixing corn startch in. We want the starch fully integrated and the broth near saturation with corn starch. Once this is done, we pour it into the pot and stir it in until the broth thickens to a gravy. The perch should be fully cooked by now and may start breaking apart while we’re stirring. This is also fine. We’re not trying to serve discrete chunks of fish.

    Here’s our stew.

    It should be done, we can’t forget to turn off the burner.

    We ladle it up into the bowl and … wait a minute…

    Gruel

    Oh, okay, I just mixed up the order of the photos, that’s the thickener from a few paragraphs back before we poured it into the pot.

    Here’s the real bowl. Sorry about the mess:

    Stew
  • The Tail of the Teufelhund

    She was a wee child, they said she was born of Pit, but no.
    My pictures tell me so,
    I fed her and got her shots,
    And she eats food, lots,
    and everything She can Find,
    She it a chewer of the worst kind,
    The Wife ordered new furniture Thank God,
    Because all of our old stuff was eaten by the Dog,
    We have a fence, She will not cross,…… Oh Fuck it She’s attacking me again, I’ll get back to You guys, AGGGHGH!

    Puppy: Code name Bella
    Task: to destroy all Furniture
    Optional: eat everything else

    My Pup was born on 1/21/17 and was advertised as a “pure” Pit Bull, which we were in fact looking for; brindle, female, we were happy. Not a Pit, though; she is a kind of weird shape and the clinic called her a Belgian Hunting Dog but you tell me. I call her a Teufful Hund, and my granddaughter (7 years old) calls her a Chupacabra Dog. She is currently eating a piece of poster-board.

    At 7 months, she is mellowing out a bit, but what a handful. Sometimes her name is No!Bella!.

    She should finish out at 80 pounds or so, but until then, The Great Adventures of Bella! the Eater!

  • A Theory and Implementation of Drinking Games

     

    Closet libertarians?

    Axiom I:  The perfect drinking game encourages consumption, speeding the participants into a state of pleasant disinhibition as a prelude to philosophizing, socializing, and wild monkey sexifizing.

    Axiom II:  Frequent small drinks are preferable to infrequent large drinks.  Spectacular consumption attempts are temporarily entertaining, but the inevitable failures waste alcohol, and vomit is irritating to mucous membranes.

    Axiom III:  The game should allow moments of conversation with one’s immediate neighbor, but should also require one’s attention often enough to prevent lapses in the conversation resulting from you not actually having anything in common with them other than a vaguely-compatible sexual orientation.

    Axiom IV:  Any non-consumable items involved in the game should be commonly available and either durable or trivially costly to replace.

    The following are the rules to Threeman, probably the most popular drinking game during my time at the redacted house at the University of redacted.

    General rules:

    1. A pair of standard six-sided dice is used.
    2. The players gather around a suitable flat surface, usually a table.
    3. The first player to play is the “threeman.” This status may be determined by any method appropriate to the group (“1-2-3 not it,” random dice roll, headbutting contest, etc.)
    4. Play occurs by rolling the dice. Rolls that cause the dice to leave the play area incur a three drink penalty to the roller (“sloppy dice, drink thrice”).  After the roll, penalty drinks as determined by the particular roll are distributed and consumed.
    5. If the previous roll caused drinks to be consumed, the player rolls again. If the roll resulted in no penalty drinks, then the dice are passed widdershins to the next player.
    6. Any time a three is rolled on either die, the threeman takes a drink. The threeman also drinks on a roll of 2 and 1.
    7. Threeman status continues until the threeman him/her/xirself rolls a three on either die or a roll of 2 and 1. At this point, that player can designate any other player as the threeman.
    8. Doubles: if the same number is rolled on both dice, the rolling player can pass them to one or two other players, who must then roll what they are given, and consume the number of drinks shown.
      1. Exception: on double 1s (“snake eyes”) the dice distribution and rolls are as above, but the drink consumption is done by the player who rolled the snake eyes.
      2. Double doubles: if the penalty roll players from 8 supra both roll the same number on their dice, the dice are passed back to the original player who must then roll the dice and drink double the number shown.
      3. Double double doubles: this pattern of doubling can continue ad infinitum, until finally a stupid or anatomically impossible number of penalty drinks is awarded.  If the player then refuses to make the attempt and throws the dice across the room in frustration, they are expelled from the game and do not get laid that evening.
    9. Penalty drinks are codified on the following table:

  • Fortnight Caption Contest #2

     

    Well, here we are. Another week down. The news is getting hot, might as well start us off with something from the other side of the pacific this time.

    #1

    Meanwhile, in Venezuela.

    #2 

    A picture I took in Taos. They wouldn’t let you go inside. Irony?

    #3