Category: Reviews

Seriously. Look at it.  How can I not pick this up?

This is my review of Elysian DAYGLOW IPA.

Here’s where I rant a bit.  Yes, this is an IPA, which means about half of you will avoid it to begin with.  The other half?  There are so many choices out there from so many breweries it’s hard to separate the men from the boys, so to speak.  Let’s face it, this isn’t exactly a niche market anymore.  According to the studies cited in this article the craft beer industry in 2016 contributed $67.8 Billion to the U.S economy.  It is responsible for nearly ½ million full time jobs nationwide. It’s still a fraction of the beer industry overall though, which in 2016 was estimated at $350 Billion in total.

Rejoice!  Too bad though, the downside is there has to be something, anything, to catch the customer’s eye.  This one is eye catching.  It’s got a frickin tiger with frickin laser beams coming out of its frickin eyes…

As you can tell from my photo there isn’t much head and much to Charlie Sheen’s dismay, it is 0% tiger’s blood by volume.  It’s a hazy yellow and has a bit of sweet fruitiness (pineapple, maybe) and yeast upfront, like an unfiltered wheat beer.  From the standpoint of hop insanity, this one will disappoint the hopheads among us.  You smell them; you certainly know they are there but they aren’t going prompt questions from the authorities as to your mental state–your driving erratically on the sidewalk will do that.  Overall it’s a pretty balanced brew, but given it’s bitchin 1970s psychedelic label it seems like they are trying way too hard to sell me something.  Elysian DAYGLOW IPA 2.8/5.

Another one I was disappointed by was from Stone.  Typically, I like what they put out.  While insulting their customers is the norm for them, lately it’s gone beyond their usual ribbing and ventured clearly into virtue signaling. This is part of an annual release of the winner of a contest between their employees, so I’ll hold my nose and give them a shot.

The flavor palate on this one is similar to Elysian’s but the hops on the back end are a bit more robust.  Still a bit disappointing given what they are capable of.  Stone Merc-Machine Double IPA: 2.9/5

P.S. About my OT last week.

I think it came out just fine.  3 ½ minutes per pound.  The temperature was all over the place after I pulled the turkey out so it was at approximately 350F.  When I dropped it in it was at 380, so I closed the valve and let it settle around 350, but had to fire the gas back up once it dropped to 325 ten minutes later.  Total cook time was 18 mins.

For those that like it rare, here is your beloved center cut.

Here’s Mr. Gobbles while I’m at it.

I can never understand the obsession with Santa Claus. Since this is the right time of year and since associating products with Christmas is lazy but effective marketing, there’s no sense in fighting it.

See? Lazy marketing, and I fell for it.

This is my review of Rogue Santa’s Private Reserve Ale. Go ahead and pretend I drove 2 1/2 hours north just to take this photo.

Even as a kid it seemed a dubious task: one extremely obese man flies around the world delivering presents to all the good girls and boys on a single night. As an adult, unless Santa Claus holds the key to traveling between time and space it’s downright impossible. Besides, what does he do with the other 364 days out of the year? For one thing, Santa is actually an avid shooter. Here is a photo of him at the 2016 Las Vegas Shot Show:

He also spends his time in the summer riding the open road. Here he is at the annual Sturgis rally:

Santa has a lot going for him, and since he is a pretty high profile guy crisscrossing international airspace every year, the good folks at NORAD track his every move. Even if they started tracking him by accident, its once again proof there is nothing left to cut.

In previous years, this beer was a pretty standard winter lager. There was nothing wrong with it, and Rogue probably managed to sell every ounce of the stuff. Despite this, they determined that 2017 would be the year they change it up. Maybe they got tired of people comparing it to Sam Adams Winter Lager or the overall market saturation this time of year with winter lager-I don’t know.

Whatever the reason it was a good move, as the result is something much better in my opinion. It is now a Belgian-style ale. It is very fragrant, with notes of sour fruit. They list cherry and raspberry specifically. It is definitely a malty beer, but the tartness counters the overall sweetness nicely. Like everything else this time of year, it only comes once so find it while you still can. Unless you are the type that thinks Scrooge got soft and the Grinch was a poser, you’ll enjoy this. Rogue Santa’s Private Reserve 2017: 4.5/5

And if you do think Scrooge got soft and the Grinch was a poser, here’s some girls at Sturgis peddling Jack Daniels:

Merry Christmas!

This is my review of Goose Island Bourbon County Stout.

Barrels are one of oldest inventions in use today.  Herodotus is credited with the earliest written account over the use of barrels to transport wine, during the 5th century BC (or BCE if you are so inclined). The barrel itself may have origins further into antiquity due to evidence the Egyptians used buckets with slats held together by a metal ring dating to 2690 BCE.  There isn’t much of a jump between a bucket’s design and a barrel, simply build your bucket higher, curve the slats, add another ring and give it a lid.  Your bucket is now a barrel.

It is difficult to say who built it first.  Some believe an iron age civilization such as the Celts or the Vikings.  Others credit the Romans, who previously transported wine in clay jugs.  The word for the tradesman, Cooper, after all comes from the Latin word Cupa, which means cask.  And of course there is always this theory…

Whoever it was, modern tools and processes aside, this is an invention that has remained virtually unchanged for centuries. 

Falling further down the rabbit hole, gun barrels were initially built in a similar fashion.  Due to the medieval guild system, where tradesman rarely worked with others outside the guild, lest they learn the trade secrets, coopers were consulted to build barrels for hand cannons.  The earliest design was constructed by slabs of metal arranged in a cylinder with metal collars welded around the cylinder for strength.  Later designs where a cylindrical blank was bored out, followed by rifling to cut into the bore was developed when the tools, techniques and metallurgy allowed for the modern design.  This is why gun barrels are called barrels.

This is no ordinary stout.  It is aged in a bourbon barrel that otherwise would spend the next 30 years in Scotland turning whisky into something that smells like burnt leather boots. This is a 14.5% abv beast that has a high enough alcohol content and is complex enough that a disciplined drinker can age this similar to wine for up to 5 years–per the instructions on the bottle.  The bottle itself is well done.  Instead of settling on the standard bomber, they opted to have their own fashioned with their name permanently embossed in the bottle.  This tells me no corner was cut, no expense was spared in crafting this…and I slammed it down with a beer bong!

No, not really.  They call for a brandy snifter but the one I have is sized to hold an ounce of liquor so I called the trusty chalice out of the bullpen.  The beer pours like used 10w30.  Its nose reminds me of fresh cut wood, whiskey, fruitcake and chocolate.  You are greeted with an intense rush of sweet bourbon and finishes with like a smooth imperial stout.  It’s really difficult to describe it, so you have to try one of these yourself.  It is crafted in the manner of old where a craftsman, expert in his trade, puts everything he has into every project and gives his customer the best quality work possible.  It’s a limited release for 2017 so I bought another the following morning to keep in my liquor cabinet.  It costs $10 now, but if you find it later….Goose Island Bourbon County Stout 4.9/5.

This is my review of Platform (Cleveland, OH) Smokin Fineapple Gose.

I was graciously given the day off by my employer in observance of Veteran’s Day.  I took the day mostly to hang out with my kids and on my way home I noticed the FEDEX truck driving around my neighborhood.  Way to work it on a Federal holiday, FEDEX!  

I got my box, fed my kids, and let the sender know the Maguffin arrived.  Then I tore it open!  I got some schwag:  stickers, a new pint glass, a D-ring/keychain.  Somewhere in there was some beer.  Hat Tip of all hat tips:  Nephilium.

Immediately the Gose caught my attention.  I’ve had a few that were made with lemon but pineapple seemed a bit off for this style.  I decided that I’ve trusted the judgement of others only to come back with a sour apple martini so I dismissed these fears and put it on ice.

This link here has a few methods on cooling beer in a few minutes time, some without electricity. The absolute fastest way to chill a beer without electricity is to take a disposable tupperware container large enough to hold the can/bottle.  Poke a couple holes in the sides and in the center of the lid.  Put the beverage into the container and ‘seal’ it. Then take a can of compressed air and insert the straw attachment into the hole in the lid.  Invert the can of compressed air and go to town.  You may want to wear gloves.  It should take only a minute of two to empty the can but the results will be chilling.  So in the event of the apocalypse we all can still have a cold drink. Thankfully, I don’t live in Somalia so the refrigerator sufficed.

The Gose is sour but the pineapple has a nice subtle sweetness to it to counter it.  It also has sea salt floating in the mix so the result reminds me a bit of grilled pineapple.  Its pretty good, but I was wrong about this one being the most interesting thing in the box. Platform Smokin Fineapple Gose: 3/5

Others in the box included:

Masthead American IPA: 3.2/5  The head says it all, it has a lot of body and delightfully floral.

Fat Head Sunshine Daydream IPA. 3/5.  I had this one the next night in observance of fight night, for obvious reasons. It was better than majority of that card.

Millersburg Brewing Panther Hollow Vanilla Porter 4.5/5.  Hell yeah!  Go find it, right now.  Don’t worry you can record your college football game and/or Man City (probably) won.  Don’t hesitate to get a six-pack.

Hoppin Frog Infusion A Coffee Porter: 3.8/5. A bit more bite than expected but overall is solid. It’s like a light imperial stout.

Finally the most interesting thing in the box, not just because it’s watching you.

This one calls itself a ‘white stout’ so go ahead and insert an appropriation joke.  The malts are roasted with a high intensity heat that doesn’t seem to alter its color.  It’s like grilling chicken with too much flame, where the outside looks good but the inside is raw.  The result is something akin to a nice bitters with a smoky finish.  Do you like Scotch Whisky?  You’ll probably like this.  Saucy Fauxbia White Stout:  4.1/5

So the bottom line:  it may be easy for us to make fun of Cleveland, unless you’re in Detroit, but their beer is most excellent.  Thanks Nephilium!  

This is my review of Southern Tier Choklat Oranj.

Southern Tier brewery…. from Lakeside, NY?  Odd.  I like to think we have come full circle with the whole Stout thing.  There’s too many things one can do with it.  As it turns out, this is one of the simplest styles of beer to make.  The flavors that go into it can range from subtle to intense, so realistically you can add almost anything to it and come out with a palatable product—except Sriracha.  For example, after four years of studying chemistry and STILL not learning how to make VX nerve gas, I took this up:

This is probably my third attempt at recreating something wonderful.  Back in Colorado, I threw together a now unknown mixture of chocolate malts, Champaign yeast, English hops, Rainer cherries and sprigs of vanilla.  It was amazing.  I gave it to a friend of mine who said it was amazing but he still preferred whisky and that he was keeping the bottle because the bottle was a convenient place to put excess screws and nails.

Why is it now unknown?  I left the ingredient list on a fruit based mobile device.  That fruit based mobile device was dropped on a tile floor by a child—my child.  I tried to restart it, I tried shaking it, and even pressed both buttons at the same time.  Nothing.  I took that device to the fruit based store and was told that I could purchase a refurbished fruit based mobile device, or a new one.  It was done and I was slightly poorer, but at least I still had my tunes.   

This one is rich, and has a nice milk chocolatey aroma to it.  There is certainly a nice citrus aftertaste to it.  It does indeed taste like a chocolate orange at first.  The reason I like it is because at 10% ABV, it tastes like something I made in my closet by accident.  This is best reserved for a cold winter’s night, which means I need to go outside and put my feet into my 55-degree pool to simulate a cold winter’s night.  I found this one at Total Wine.  Southern Tier Chocolate Orange: 3.9/5

Another thing brewers add is peanut butter.  Don’t let the name of this one fool you, you’re probably going to like it.  Even if you don’t care for the information in that fun map I left at the bottom.  This beer, being from California, reminded me of the podcast my wife played on a road trip.  I was driving, so normally I wouldn’t care, but given the subject was excise taxes, I grudgingly listened in.

Never mind the moral issues they said.  The argument they focused on was that excise taxes altered the behavior of the people taxed and thus were effective at achieving the ends of the state.  One of the examples they used was a tax on soda in Berkeley which did reduce the sales of soda—in Berkeley. They even conceded residents could still get cheap soda somewhere else.  Which is a bit of a no-brainer, and really didn’t get into the ill effects of excise taxes.  One of the ones they did mention was the taxes artificially reduced the supply of the taxed goods by pushing out smaller producers who cannot profit from the inflated price nor justify their product at the new price by reducing supply.  The price after all, is determined by supply and demand.  Because a producer cannot reasonably control demand, the consideration for the new market price + tax must come from a decrease in supply.  I would guess this assumes the product is not something like insulin.  It is outlined at this link here and honestly, I did not previously consider the angle presented.  I like the moral argument against excise taxes better–mostly because it’s easier for me to explain and it’s also more convincing.  

I probably shouldn’t pick beer based on its ability to irritate me.  Whatever you think of excise taxes and I think I know what you think of them, the beer is good. Mother Earth Brew Co. Sin Tax Peanut Butter Imperial Stout 3.7/5