Glibertarians.com 2017 Archive

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  • THE CONTINUING AWESOME ADVENTURES OF SECRET NAZI PRESIDENT!!11!1! – Vol. 23: [insert vol 23 title here]

  • Monday Morning Links

    Well…what a weekend.  I won’t go into the events in Charlottesville other than to condemn anyone that would initiate violence against someone else. I know the comments will wade into it on their own, and I already stated my views many times over the weekend on a few various threads. So have at it. There’s enough other stuff out there for me to touch on.

    Its hard for me to talk about preseason football, at least until the starters are playing significant minutes.  Hell, to be honest I haven’t watched a minute of preseason NFL coverage and really don’t know much of what’s going on.  That keeps me from dealing with retarded shit like “who is standing for an anthem” and “who is racist for not hiring this guy” and “this start RB got suspended for associating himself with a gold digger that even the police think has no credibility whatsoever”.  Its not worth my time until next week at least.  Sorry, but expect an update then. As for college, the Gators suspend 7 for the opener in less than two weeks against TTUN, including arguably their best player.

    As for baseball, the Astros finally for off the mat yesterday. They were given a standing 8 count and were told by the referee that they’d be closely watched for the next couple of weeks.  Seriously, wtf? Their bats went to sleep, their pitching shit the bed, and their attitude seems to be nonchalance.  Maybe they’re playing four, no five-dimensional chess with the rest of the league.  Yeah, that’s it. Elsewhere, the Nats slip (lol, sorry) against the Giants twice in a twin-billing. Team Canada lost to the Yinzers, The Indians lost. The Twins won. The Rockies lost. The BIG RED MACHINE lost. The Cards, Orioles and Mariners lost while the Cubs, Dodgers and Red Sox won, the latter having beaten the dreaded Yankees. (Whew, its a mouthful when I cover everybody on here’s interests. But I get paid all this money to give you what you want.)

    Meanwhile, the EPL got off to a fun start. The Coutinho deal is (maybe) back on, which sucks as bad as Liverpool played without him in the lineup. And Justin Thomas won an absolutely compelling PGA Championship that could have gone about 5 different ways until the last half hour.  Those greens were way too fast for my tastes, but thats why these guys make the big bucks.

    Alright, I better get on topic(s) before I lose the audience.  So I give you…the links!

    Con Artist

    Al Gore’s encore tribute to PT Barnum hasn’t gone over too well. Maybe all those people that gave him money the first time were too busy seeing the egress.

    Well look who likes capitalism after all. Hypocrite alert!

    Crude prices going up. Which causes gas prices to follow.

    Illinois Senate rejects amended school funding. Looks like all the money will head to the Chicago teachers union. I’m sure this will help the bond ratings agencies make their next informed decision.

    I can fly, I can fly, I can flyyyyyyy!

    I wouldn’t have expected this to end well.

    This is what happens when people ignore signs saying you must me this tall for this ride. Yogi Bear wasn’t lying, sir.

    I just realized after several months that I’ve yet to play this guy.

    Good luck out there today. And have faith that its not as bad as assholes would like you to believe.

  • STEVE SMITH SUNDAY NIGHT LINKS

    STEVE SMITH HOPE ALL FUNNY GLIBERTARIANS HAD NICE LAST COUPLE DAYS. STEVE SMITH GIVE YOU LINKS TO FINISH WEEKEND. THEN STEVE SMITH KNOCK OFF AND GO GRAB A COUPLE OF HIKERS FOR NIGHT RAPE CAP. HAVE FUN WITH LINKS:

    1. STEVE SMITH COULD MAKE SURE GOVERNMENT MAN HAS NO NEED OF DESIGNER BATHROOM.
    2. STEVE SMITH SAY UR DOIN’ IT WRONG.
    3. STEVE SMITH SEE THAT SOCIAL MEDIA WRONGTHINK PUNISHABLE OUTSIDE OF US TOO.
    4. STEVE SMITH ALSO SEE THAT CHICAGO STILL BEING CHICAGO.

  • The Tail of the Teufelhund

    She was a wee child, they said she was born of Pit, but no.
    My pictures tell me so,
    I fed her and got her shots,
    And she eats food, lots,
    and everything She can Find,
    She it a chewer of the worst kind,
    The Wife ordered new furniture Thank God,
    Because all of our old stuff was eaten by the Dog,
    We have a fence, She will not cross,…… Oh Fuck it She’s attacking me again, I’ll get back to You guys, AGGGHGH!

    Puppy: Code name Bella
    Task: to destroy all Furniture
    Optional: eat everything else

    My Pup was born on 1/21/17 and was advertised as a “pure” Pit Bull, which we were in fact looking for; brindle, female, we were happy. Not a Pit, though; she is a kind of weird shape and the clinic called her a Belgian Hunting Dog but you tell me. I call her a Teufful Hund, and my granddaughter (7 years old) calls her a Chupacabra Dog. She is currently eating a piece of poster-board.

    At 7 months, she is mellowing out a bit, but what a handful. Sometimes her name is No!Bella!.

    She should finish out at 80 pounds or so, but until then, The Great Adventures of Bella! the Eater!

  • The Late Late Links

    Well, busy day yesterday. And long night last night. I crawled upstairs in the wee hours, but SP and jesse.in.mb were still drinking. I think they decided to take a pause when the sun came up. So they’re gonna be useless all day and I’m going to have to make my own sammiches. And links.

    I’ve heard there were problems in Virginia yesterday. The news media is being careful not to say anything about the fellow who apparently learned his driving in the parking lot of a 99 Ranch. If only they had been so cautious about their early reporting… OMWC has a strict 48 Hour Rule, so I won’t comment about that yet. Nonetheless, editorialists have proposed solutions, and politicians are already standing on the pile of bodies. Of course, it’s Trump’s fault because it always is.

    On the same theme, cop toys don’t always work right.

    Attention Whores gonna attention whore.

    And for today’s music, a fine song from my favorite punk-folk performer. And the chorus is soooooo appropriate.

  • STEVE SMITH SATURDAY EVENING LINKS

    STEVE SMITH TRY TO CHEER UP BIG FUNNY STONE HEAD – BUT HE HAVE NONE OF IT. WHY HE NOT WANT TO GO AND RAPE HIKERS WITH STEVE SMITH IS MYSTERY. BUT STEVE SMITH THINKS FUNNY GLIBERTARIANS SHOULD STILL GET LINKS. EVEN IF THEY HAVE ELUDED STEVE SMITH RAPE THUS FAR.

    1. STEVE SMITH SHAKE HEAD AT AMATEUR.
    2. THIS NOT STEVE SMITH’S FAULT – HAVE NEVER BEEN TO FORT WORTH.
    3. STEVE SMITH THINK THESE PEOPLE NEED HIS HELP WITH TROUBLESOME TENANT.
    4. FRENCH PEOPLE CONFUSE STEVE SMITH – NO LIKE, THEN QUIT.

    STEVE SMITH HOPE YOU LIKE LINKS, BUT HE HAS TO GO – HAS BOOKS TO EAT RAPE READ.

    STEVE SMITH SAY THIS REAL PAGE TURNER!
    STEVE SMITH SUGGEST THIS BOOK FOR KIDS.

  • A Theory and Implementation of Drinking Games

     

    Closet libertarians?

    Axiom I:  The perfect drinking game encourages consumption, speeding the participants into a state of pleasant disinhibition as a prelude to philosophizing, socializing, and wild monkey sexifizing.

    Axiom II:  Frequent small drinks are preferable to infrequent large drinks.  Spectacular consumption attempts are temporarily entertaining, but the inevitable failures waste alcohol, and vomit is irritating to mucous membranes.

    Axiom III:  The game should allow moments of conversation with one’s immediate neighbor, but should also require one’s attention often enough to prevent lapses in the conversation resulting from you not actually having anything in common with them other than a vaguely-compatible sexual orientation.

    Axiom IV:  Any non-consumable items involved in the game should be commonly available and either durable or trivially costly to replace.

    The following are the rules to Threeman, probably the most popular drinking game during my time at the redacted house at the University of redacted.

    General rules:

    1. A pair of standard six-sided dice is used.
    2. The players gather around a suitable flat surface, usually a table.
    3. The first player to play is the “threeman.” This status may be determined by any method appropriate to the group (“1-2-3 not it,” random dice roll, headbutting contest, etc.)
    4. Play occurs by rolling the dice. Rolls that cause the dice to leave the play area incur a three drink penalty to the roller (“sloppy dice, drink thrice”).  After the roll, penalty drinks as determined by the particular roll are distributed and consumed.
    5. If the previous roll caused drinks to be consumed, the player rolls again. If the roll resulted in no penalty drinks, then the dice are passed widdershins to the next player.
    6. Any time a three is rolled on either die, the threeman takes a drink. The threeman also drinks on a roll of 2 and 1.
    7. Threeman status continues until the threeman him/her/xirself rolls a three on either die or a roll of 2 and 1. At this point, that player can designate any other player as the threeman.
    8. Doubles: if the same number is rolled on both dice, the rolling player can pass them to one or two other players, who must then roll what they are given, and consume the number of drinks shown.
      1. Exception: on double 1s (“snake eyes”) the dice distribution and rolls are as above, but the drink consumption is done by the player who rolled the snake eyes.
      2. Double doubles: if the penalty roll players from 8 supra both roll the same number on their dice, the dice are passed back to the original player who must then roll the dice and drink double the number shown.
      3. Double double doubles: this pattern of doubling can continue ad infinitum, until finally a stupid or anatomically impossible number of penalty drinks is awarded.  If the player then refuses to make the attempt and throws the dice across the room in frustration, they are expelled from the game and do not get laid that evening.
    9. Penalty drinks are codified on the following table:

  • Links Are Where The Chinese Skate

    Yes, that title is so lacist. And that’s the theme of our first link.

    Consistent with its usual journalistic standards, objectivity, and integrity, CNN breathlessly reports on the latest “alt-right” threat and outrage.

    The march came hours before a Saturday rally that police anticipate will attract as many as 2,000 to 6,000 people, in an event that could be the “largest hate-gathering of it’s kind in decades in the United States,” as described by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

    So much dishonesty packed into one sentence (as well as bad punctuation). Bravo!

    Sadly, this was not us. If it turns out to be Ed Wuncler, we’re adopting him. If it turns out to be Swiss, we’re going to guilt him into throwing a mil or two in our direction.

    This guy shows what WINNING really is. Again, Bravo!

    We’re running out of places to get mediocre food.

    Trump is eyeing Obama’s so-far-unequaled record for Most Wars Started With Countries That Aren’t Threats. Weren’t the Trumpies trying to tell us that he was more non-interventionist than Hillary?

    And from the greatest band in the Solar System, a classic done like you never quite heard it before, breaking on-land speed records. The sax solo by the superb John Gilmore (who actually could thread) starting in at 5 minutes absolutely knocked me over. Clifford Jarvis’s solo right after was not exactly chopped liver, either.

  • ZARDOZ FRIDAY NIGHT LINKS

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. NORMALLY ZARDOZ IS ALL IN FAVOR OF BRUTALS BEING CLEANSED (ASIDE FROM HIS CHOSEN ONES, OF COURSE) – BUT ZARDOZ IS SAD THAT HIS COUNTRY MUSIC INSPIRATION, GLENN CAMPBELL, HAS PERISHED.

    ZARDOZ WISHED TO HONOR HIM, SO HE HAS THE BRUTALS IN THE BAND WORKING WITH HIM ON A TRIBUTE VERSION OF ONE OF HIS SONGS:

    I am a brutal enforcer for the Vortex
    And I fly the main road
    Searchin’ in the sun for another brutal victim load
    I hear you screamin’ in the razor wire,
    I can hear you through the bullets whine
    And the brutal enforcer is still on the firing line

    I know I need a small vacation
    But it don’t look like a delivery of grain
    And if it snows that force field down south won’t ever stand the strain
    And I need the gun more than want the gun,
    And I want you for all cleansing time
    And the brutal enforcer is still on the firing line

    And I need the gun more than want the gun,
    And I want you for all cleansing time
    And the brutal enforcer is still on the firing line

    BUT ZARDOZ HAS NOT FORGOTTEN HIS CHOSEN ONES, AND THEREFORE, RECIEVE THE GIFT OF THE GUN LINK:

    • VISIT ZARDOZ’S INSPIRATION HERE.
    • WHILE NO CHIPOTLE, IT APPEARS BRUTAL DINING CHAIN HAS MADE ERRORS.
    • BRUTAL ENFORCER IN CHICAGO ACTUALLY CONVICTED OF CRIME. BUT NOT ONE AGAINST BRUTALS, RATHER, ONE AGAINST FELLOW ENFORCERS.
    • SPEAKING OF BRUTAL ENFORCERS – PERHAPS A NEW TYPE HAS EMERGED?

  • Firearms Friday: Recalls and Recalibrations

    After a week off, I’m back on the beat. There really was nothing of import going on last week in the gun world. My what a difference seven days make! Lets get right into it.

    Glock also gets a well played for this post. Everyone’s a comedian.

    The first big story is that the Sig P320 apparently gets a little shooty if you drop it. So shooty in fact that Sig has temporarily halted production while they sort things out. You may recall that this particular firearm (or, more specifically a very close derivative thereof) was recently chosen as the successor to the Beretta M9 for the primary sidearm of the US Army. According to Sig, the military versions do not suffer the same problems, and Sig is releasing a free ‘voluntary upgrade’ on Monday for all current P320 owners that will put the civilian models on par with the Army guns. You may also recall that yours truly happens to be one of the suckers people that bought said pistol. I actually did my own drop test on my gun and managed to drop it twice onto my back patio without it going off. I would have tested it more but it’s really not that easy to intentionally ruin a $500 gun you paid for yourself. In any case I will keep you up to date on the story as it develops.

    The second big story also involves in the military, but in a more direct way. The US Army is apparently going back to it’s ex, cause it has officially released a solicitation for a 7.62 caliber battle rifle to replace the M4. They claim this is because the proliferation of modern body armor has led to the obsolescence of the 5.56mm round currently used. Now, I have never been in the military but I do know that 7.62 weighs a lot more for both the rifle and the ammo. I don’t know where or how they plan to make up the weight difference between the two loadouts, but I have a feeling they don’t either. Any of our local military experts want to weigh in on this?

    Oh yeah, and then there’s this epic troll making the rounds:

    Well played, asshole customer and/or employee. You win this round.

    I also think I figured out a way to get Juvenile Bluster into guns. Maybe John Titor too. Stay weird and under-sexed, Japan. We like you just the way you are!

    HM, please come get your kid. 

    I will leave you today with some sage words from the wise(and lovable) Clint Smith.

    P.S.: Tiny Guns.