Well, here we are. Another week down. The news is getting hot, might as well start us off with something from the other side of the pacific this time.
#1 
Meanwhile, in Venezuela.
#2 
A picture I took in Taos. They wouldn’t let you go inside. Irony?
#3 
Hey, here we are at the end of another week. And it can’t come soon enough for the Astros, who got swept by the lowly Chicago White Sox after shitting the bed in the ninth last night. OK, guys…get your collective head out of your collective ass and stop this nonsense. Elsewhere, in games with announced Glibs interest, the Nats won, the Yanks lost, the Cards (welcome to the party) won, the Twinks won, the Orioles won (and inched closer back to .500 ball) and the BIG RED MACHINE won.
Hope that satisfies everybody. If I left you out, feel free to excoriate me in the comments.
Elsewhere, the EPL starts today, and I can look forward to early Saturdays and Sundays for the foreseeable future, which I’m sure just thrills Banjos and our kids. And at Quail Hollow, the rains never came…and neither did the hotness of Spieth’s putter which helped propel him to the British Open a few weeks ago. 5 back after the first round isn’t impossible. But in a field this deep it won’t be easy. Phil Mickelson wishes he’d have stayed at home and John Daly had a good round going until he triple-bogeyed the last hole. Maybe somebody swapped out his vodka bottle, accidentally giving him water. Shame on them.
That’s it for sports. Well, for the update anyway. I think they’re already on the course in Charlotte. I’ll know when I turn on the TV after I finish with the rest of…the links!
You want to know who else was sexist as shit? Apparently The Simpsons’ Matt Groenig. Hoo-boy, I can’t wait to see the reactions when they see all of the gay humor in the first few seasons. Also, who the hell colors their hair purple in their 50’s or 60s? (TW: Jezebel)
Talk about your fresh-faced politician. Hey, can he run on “let’s leave the kids out of politics at the debates” and pretty much say whatever he wants? Either way, he’d be better off if he focused his energies on something more productive than lording over a bunch of other people. Also, he looks like he’s prepping for a “fat man in a little coat” skit with that jacket. Don’t you even haberdash, bro?
You think our political system is fucked up? It could always be worse. Oh Argentina. The country full of Brazilians that speak Spanish but think they’re Italian. (Except for the ones that know they’re Nazis. They’re there too.)
Feds tell Cook County, IL not so fast, my friend on their immoral, and likely illegal, soda tax. Looks like women and children actually are the hardest hit.
Looks like I’ve found the locale for the next Glibs Texas meetup. I think this will go over well with everybody involved. Well…almost everybody.
And the last story is about the person with the biggest freaking balls in American politics. (TL;DR: We shit the bed, now you lay down in it.) Un-fucking-believable.
The theme for the week reaches its climax…
I’ll be on the golf course today after a lengthy layoff. I hope each of you has the chance to do something that makes you happy as well. Get out there and make today great!
Happy Thursday. And Happy Birthday to my younger son. I’m really going to miss the high-stakes charades when he starts talking.
Does a bear shit in your car? Only when he steals it first. Griz needs to have a talk with some of his fellows about car theft etiquette.
Does everything have to be a criminal case? I mean, do we need to give these two idiots felonies, or could the neighborhood just share the information that they aren’t safe babysitters and let their parents deal with them? What the two teens did was stupid and dangerous, but it is weird how people who aren’t mature enough to sign contracts or get tattoos or buy cigarettes are suddenly required to have all of the adult tools when they do something dangerous out of ignorance, not malice. While ignorance should be no defense against actual harm, I don’t think this rises to that standard.
I checked the timeline again, and I’m pretty sure the WWII bomb was on the premises before the nuclear plant was built at Fukishima.
I hope the members of the Eighth Circuit get beaten by public officials on the courthouse steps and can’t produce evidence to prove it. In a free speech ruling that contradicts six other federal circuit courts, the Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals has upheld a district court ruling that says Americans do not have a first amendment right to videotape the police, or any public official, in public.
In the good news department, there may be Earth analogues only 12 light years away. Hopefully, there are two. We’ll set up Libertopia on one and Commietopia on the other and see who’s resorted to cannibalism in the first century.
And in the interest of preventing a schism we are featuring this, uh, “local news” story about a man acquitted of assaulting police officers by absorbing their blows with his body. We don’t think this person is related to any of our commenters, but Pope Jimbo sent it, and we don’t want him to release those tapes of the last meetup.
Sloopy and I were talking about Matt Damon’s best work as an actor.
10″The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one’s time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.” – H. L. Mencken
Let’s start with a couple of quick, short, non-scholarly definitions. What is free speech? I would say the right to express whatever you goddamn feel like. Wait a damn minute! “Obscene speech is not free speech!” (it like totally is), “hate speech is not free speech!” (I beg to differ) or “you can’t yell “fire!” in a crowded theater!” (I tried it once, it seems I could).
Is hate speech really free speech? Mea culpa, as the ancient Dacians used to say. There is, in fact, no such thing as hate speech, as there is no possible objective definition of it. There is no such thing as obscene speech, intolerant speech, and offensive speech. All these things are in the ear of the behearer (yes, I know it’s not a word, it be jokes). There is, in fact, such a thing as fire.
To support speech which is free is specifically about the one you personally find offensive and disagreeable. It’s no great feat, no feat at all, to graciously allow speech you agree with. The whole goddamn point is to defend the “bad speech”. And I do not mean “a bit rude, but makes a good point”. I mean gratuitously stupid and offensive speech, the one that is nowhere near a good point, which is offensive just to be offensive, just to push boundaries, contradictory and half-baked, vile and inflammatory. This is the litmus test of free speech. Respecting speech when you just can’t even.
Here is a good place to state that I am one of the good guys, an ally (Or is it axis? I get confused) and I do not agree with any speech anyone might find offensive, although I think they have the right to say it, and please buy me cocktails – nothing too sweet and girly, mind, an old fashioned works, or maybe a Sazerac. I had a decent cocktail once with rye whiskey, bitters and something called Sirop de Picon, but this is all besides the point.
The main issue of free speech is not of theaters, but of government. Whether private individuals can set rules in their private sphere – I can kick you out of my home if I don’t like what you say – government should not attempt to ban speech in the public sphere. This is understood by some, not by others.
But! There is often a but, and this one is sort of thicc. The fact you can avoid speech you don’t like, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to do so. It is good to strive towards a society where the government respects freedom and expression by law and private parties respect it by custom. Yes, twitter/youtube/facebook can and often do police speech on their platforms, as is their right. But maybe, just maybe, it is a bad idea to do so. And while it is not directly a right infringement, they can be criticized for this.
I Had the Right to Remain Silent…But I Didn’t Have the Ability” – Ron White
Private actors, people and companies, can deny a “platform” to speech they don’t like, but I believe people should have the default view of: let’s hear the asshole out. If you are confident in your opinion, you can listen to another one, no matter how shitty. One grows by being exposed to as many ideas as possible, as opposed to avoiding anything different, while screaming to lung capacity about how stupid or ignorant or hateful others are. I always found it quite amazing how certain some are of the superiority of their views, when they refuse to even attempt to understand others. It is like the view you developed in high school, probably the very first one you came across, was perfect and there is no need for further inquiry.
All that being said, it is every snowflake’s right to insulate xerself in whatever echo chamber xir chooses. I think it is stupid, but you do you and like whatever. Fine, but–ehm–how about speech that is violence and promotes actual harm? I feel threatened! That tweet is literally violence! Check mate, free speechers!
I do not have much shit to give in general, but sometimes I worry about our society and the people in it. How, well… soft everyone is becoming, how delicate, how fragile, how lacking in introspection and self-awareness some people are. Like or loath Nassim Taleb, there is something to be said of antifragility. Or resilience.
In the new intersectional reality, it has become a mark of social status to claim victimhood. Everyone wants as many oppression brownie points as possible. I do not understand this and do not think it is healthy. Time was, it was a matter of pride to overcome adversity. You had it real tough and you made, conquered every obstacle. Now it seems to be the opposite. This is not the way forward. Victim status was something to be avoided and conquered, not celebrated, because the individual gains most from overcoming adversity, not whining about it.
The most annoying thing is that for a good number of these people there is no adversity. They try so hard to claim oppression – the very thing one should overcome – when none exists. But what are the optics of that? How does it help women, for example, when some feminist screams hysterically about everything? Makes ’em look real rational, doesn’t it? Claiming you can’t handle even mildly offensive speech. I get they are professional activists and this is their bread and butter – screaming hysterically and grievance mongering – and most likely they don’t give a shit beyond themselves, but do they think it is a good look?
How weak are you, how pathetic, if I may be a little harsh, to claim online speech is literally violence and caused you real harm? And this is not about credible threats. It rarely is. How incapable of self-control are we if hearing an opinion – no matter how bad it may be – makes us feel threatened, fearing for our safety? Or causes a breakdown? Or mental illness, PTSD, whatever. Rotting in a trench and hearing bad things are basically the same.
Look a bit at human history. I’ll wait. People have gone through some bad shit. War, famine, disease, genocides, gulags, torture and suffering we cannot fathom. And we get all up in arms about tweets? Seriously? Of course, each society has its problems and things to improve. I am not saying that because we have it better than 100 years ago, we should never complain or not try to improve things. Constant improvement is a goal. But just a wee bit of perspective here and there does not hurt. And you hurt no one as much as yourself by being a snowflake.
Safety used to mean you are not in imminent danger of bodily harm. Now it somehow means not hearing what you don’t want to hear. How did society get to that point? How the hell can opinions trigger PTSD in people with no imaginable reason to have PTSD? And if they do have it, we need to see how in the modern world people are so mollycoddled as to get PTSD for no apparent reason.
Now, I perfectly realize all this shit is massively over-represented over the interwebs and it is not a representation of general society. Yet. But it is growing and should be nipped in the bud. And sadly, it is growing more than usual in schools.
Offense is purely subjective, and it is taken meaninglessly in most contexts. Being offended – and this goes for most people – is bullshit 99% of the damn time, and it leads to a lot of unnecessary drama. Just shake it off, as the philosophers say. And this comes from someone who is very far from the stereotypical tough guy. Seriously. Some asshole said this and that? Fuck him, who cares?
Well, the PGA Championship is finally here. Not much else to talk about if you’re in Houston. The Astros continue their death mediocracy spiral. The Texans do not look good. And that McGregor-Mayweather fight has been postponed for two weeks (in my mind). Oh well, at least I can read this story over and over to keep me happy for the next couple of weeks.
Across the pond, Liverpool have thankfully rejected a second Barcelona bid for Coutinho. Nothing else is happening of note. And the seasons get closer and closer.
Yankees win. Sox win. Nats win. Twins win. Dodgers win. Rockies win. Hell, everybody won (the Orioles had the day off) that played and matters to the Glibs…except the Astros. This slide needs to end. Somebody get me a live chicken.
That’s it. I can’t dwell on sports. Not with impending nuclear war on my mind. I better jump into…the links!
There are things that probably happen and go unreported. Then there are things that probably never happened but do get reported. If this is real, and I’m skeptical, this person needs to not blame society and needs to blame herself for not reacting. Or blame her parents for raising her like shit. Either way, don’t try to shame me for this bullshit.
Decent-looking woman in chilly courtroom told she will stand trial in Stitzer blackmail case. She made a couple good points as far as I’m concerned. But the judge refused to see them.
Baltimore challenges its residents to go 72 hours without a murder. See how that worked out.
The left are absolutely losing their shit over Trump having the nuclear codes. I guess they yearn for the peaceful days of “we came, we saw, ::snicker:: he died” leadership. When we picked on small potatoes guys that had given up their weapons programs and were trying to reenter the international community.
Fox News host Eric Bolling has hit back with a $50 million lawsuit at the HuffPo writer that published the story accusing him of sending pictures of male genitalia to coworkers. The writer has responded by telling him to pound sand. Get your popcorn out.
If you go to Miami, be prepared to see these rolling around. Nothing. Left. To. Cut.
If you were curious who the world’s sexiest midget er, dwarf, um little person was, now you know.
::SHUDDERS::
This man knows what time it is.
Don’t give no shit and don’t take no shit, friends. Have a great day.
The Weekly Medical Review, Volume 14, June – December 1886
I’m just going to rant for a minute. I’ve seen about 10 Dr. Strangelove references with regards to Trump’s overheated rhetoric about North Korea. I get that crazy guy launches bombers and starts WWIII angle, but its so… lazy. Also, I would love to see the Hat and Hair have the POE conversation.
OMWC sends in a story from near-Chicago where you can pretty safely hate everyone involved.
Watch my eyes roll as NOAA attempts to conflate in peoples minds the number of named storms with Atlantic/Gulf landfalls of major storms. We actually don’t give a fuck about class five hurricanes that don’t make landfall as class five hurricanes. Also, I watched this professionally for five years. They always go high.
Union problems at Tesla are almost enough to make me sympathetic to Elon Musk. Almost.
You’ll be surprised to learn that many of the breath-taking “facts” in yesterday’s NYT article on Climate Change were entirely untrue.
And finally, beloved commentor Pope Jimbo sends in an article that I, as a formerly decent runner, respect. The Beer Mile. A 4:34 beer mile is probably 55 second laps and 11 seconds of beer chugging. Stupid human tricks rule.
I’m in the mood for an electric jug today.
You may have read about the City of Chicago’s financial difficulties. More often than not, the news coverage on this issue often looks for a single cause of the problem, such as pension underfunding or the fact that Democrats are uniquely bad at math. This commentary is too simplistic and overlooks the fact that major cities are complex. Yes, Chicago’s pension system is woefully underfunded, but this doesn’t explain the City’s consistent budget deficits (pensions are long-term liabilities and current costs are relatively small in comparison to other expenditures). Yes, Democrats are astonishingly bad at understanding arithmetic, but this wasn’t always true about ‘Chicago Democrats’ (RIP) who, unlike their Midwestern peers (St. Louis, Cleveland, Milwaukee, etc.), cobbled together strong financial performance during the 1970’s and 1980’s while manufacturing jobs and population declined precipitously in the City.
I have provided a very brief summary of the issues contributing to the City’s poor financial position, along with providing an overview of the financial difficulty faced by Chicago Public Schools (which is a separate government from the City of Chicago).
Deficits and Debt
For over ten years, the City has maintained a budgetary imbalance. Though these deficits have declined over the past four years, they are still expected to continue for the foreseeable future.
The result of these deficits has been a significant decline in reserves, with the City currently holding just 4% of its revenue in reserve. In general, a local government is considered to be fiscally healthy if it holds no less than 10% of its revenue in reserve. For the current fiscal year, the City of Chicago is projecting to completely exhaust all of its reserves.
The City has also issued debt to close its budget gaps over a period of several years. This has resulted in an $8.3 billion debt load for the City ($3,080 per resident), which represents a 75% increase in debt between 2005 and 2014. The use of debt to correct these budget imbalances has also increased the City’s fixed costs. For fiscal year 2016 nearly a quarter of all revenue will be used for the payment of debt service. Most local governments with healthy finances dedicate no more than 10% of revenue toward the payment of debt. Historically to manage this large debt load, the City has often employed financial gimmicks such as ‘scoop and toss’, whereby new debt is issued with a longer maturity to repay existing debt outstanding. For the 2016 fiscal year the City has avoided employing this tactic.
Significant Long-Term Pension Liability
The City manages four pension systems: the Municipal Employees Fund (MEF), the Laborers Fund (LF), the Policemen Fund (PF), and the Firemen Fund (FF). These pension systems’ current funding levels are 41%, 64%, 26%, and 23%, respectively (actuaries consider a pension system ‘healthy’ if funding levels are at or above 80%). The poor funding ratio and large combined liability of $20 billion is due to the City having failed to adequately contribute the full annual cost to its pension systems since the mid-1990s, due in large part to the unrealistic 7.75% rate of return assumptions in these pension systems (returns have averaged just under 6%).
To rectify this situation, the City enacted modest pension reform to reduce the annual contribution and slightly reduce the long-term liability for only the MEF and LF pension systems. This reform legislation was eventually ruled to be unconstitutional by the Illinois Supreme Court.
In order to make its annual contribution to its pension systems, the City raised its property taxes and instituted a 29.5% utility tax. The tax on water and sewer services will be incremental with a 7.7% increase occurring in 2017; an 8.4% increase in 2018; an 8.2% increase in 2019, and a 5.2% increase in 2020.
Chicago Public Schools
The City’s school system, Chicago Public Schools (CPS), is also financially weak. At the end of fiscal year 2015, CPS had operating reserves representing roughly 7% of total revenue and liquidity representing roughly ten days cash-on-hand. In general a school district is considered to be financially healthy if it holds no less than 10% of its revenues in reserve and liquidity is at least fifty days cash-on-hand.
Additionally, CPS faces challenging demographic issues similar to those that face the city (below). Enrollment at CPS schools has dropped roughly 5% between 2000 and 2010. Further, the percentage of school-aged children in the City (ages 0-19) has declined 17% between 2000 and 2010 suggesting that enrollment is unlikely to grow in the future. In 2016, CPS reported a decline of 3.5% from the previous year. In spite of these enrollment declines, CPS’ total expenditures increased 10% between 2010 and 2015.
Many of the rising costs that CPS faces are connected to labor contracts that limit classroom sizes and mandate costly employee healthcare and retirement benefits. These labor contracts exert the most pressure on CPS underfunded pension system. In fiscal year 2016, CPS will have to make a $676 million pension contribution which will consume 10% of its total budget. This cost will continue to rise as CPS is under a state mandate to achieve 90% funding in its pension system (which is currently only 58% funded) by 2058.
To a large extent, the underfunding of the pension system has been due to CPS failing to make its annual contribution payments in recent years. As recently as 2001, CPS’ pension system was more than 100% funded.
CPS faces labor unrest due to the school district seeking concessions from its teachers’ labor union. Points of contention primarily center on pay increases, health insurance benefits, and teacher pension contributions. Currently, teachers only contribute 2% of their salary in pension contributions while CPS would like to increase that amount to 9% of a teacher’s salary. The teachers’ union went on strike in 2012 over these concession demands.
Declining Demographic Trends
Currently the City’s unemployment rate is higher than both the State average and the national average. Additionally the City has experienced declining population for five of the past six decades. Between 2000 and 2010, the City’s population declined by 6.9%. Estimates since the 2010 Census indicate that the City is experiencing one of the largest population declines of the twenty-five largest cities in the country. A high unemployment rate and declining population will further constrain the City’s financial health as it loses taxpayers.
How’s about I leave baseball scores alone for a day and regroup…much like the Astros need to do before they get into a routine where .500 ball is acceptable. No? Fine. Nats lost, Yankees lost, Red Sox won, Rockies lost, D-backs beat the Dodgers, Orioles lost and the Twins won. That should cover most, if not all, of the globs interest. An ump got suspended for answering a question, an answer that contained little more than a joke about a little banter, and not much else happened. Well, other than ESPN making a rather exclusionary list. I can only imagine the outrage if they changed one particular word in the lede. But its their business. They can continue to torpedo it the way they want. But don’t worry. The piece is so riddled with bloat wear that I doubt anybody tries to navigate it for more than a few minutes anyway.
McGregor-Mayweather in three days! The PGA Championship starts tomorrow! And football inches closer every day. Let’s thank God for our many blessings.
OK, on with…the links!
Trump vows “fire and fury” if the Norks keep it up. The left acts like he’s the first president too ever say such a thing. Maybe he should have drawn a red line instead. Around Guam, perhaps.
The President is also accused of communicating with the special prosecutor. I wonder if he’s talking about Loretta Lynch committing perjury or conspiring with Bill Clinton to keep the contents of their incredibly unethical meeting private by secreting all the communications she didn’t disclose off to the Obama library? Who knows.
A professor found a creative way to make the end of each semester pretty damn easy on himself. I don’t get the uproar. He’s teaching business classes. Its not as if they’re hard sciences. (Disclosure: My degree is in Business Admin)
Should all be forgiven once somebody serves their sentence? Its an interesting question. I’m not sure there is an easy answer. I abhor the sex registry and don’t think it should exist, but I’m not sure they should be allowed the privilege of playing football.
What a dumb shit. (Bring it on, Swissy!)
I thought the Keystone XL pipeline was a lock. But that may not necessarily be the case.
When a state stops funding an abortion mill, teen birthrates spike. OK, and? Does that mean I should be forced to subsidize something I find morally and fiscally reprehensible? Obviously fans of PP think so.
Continuing my dedication theme for the week.
Good luck out there, friends. No matter what happens, smile!
(((We))) name each of the books of the Torah by the first significant words in the Hebrew text. What you goyim call “Deuteronomy,” we call “Devarim” because, like the French, Jews have a different word for everything. Devarim means “words,” taken from the first line, which translates as, “These are the words of Moses…” Like Fidel Castro, once Moses got on a roll, the Jews hoped that everyone had gotten to pee first, ‘cuz they were going to be there a while. And though not spelled out explicitly, wandering off during that oration to find something more interesting to do would probably have started the old smiting shit, since unlike Castro, Moses wasn’t big on long-term imprisonment of people whom he felt had slighted him. Just smiting, with an occasional side order of stoning. So everyone was stuck there while Moses rattled on. And on. And on.
At its essence, Devarim is a collection of three of Chairman Moses’s speeches. And that’s all Devarim is, just a lot of rambling and reminiscing, no new content. No daughter fucking, no spearing of Jews banging Midianites, no bloody battles, no miracles, just Moses imitating Bernie Sanders. Nothing to advance the story, just a lengthy recap. So… boring.
The sedra for this week, Eikev, presages the Festivus ritual of The Airing of Grievances- “Here’s all of the ways you’ve disappointed me.”And trust me, Moses goes on about this at great length. But of all the Grievances, my favorite part is Moses bitching about the Graves of Lust, which isn’t nearly as interesting as the name implies.
To understand the Graves of Lust, we need to consider manna. We’ve all heard of manna, but no-one has the foggiest idea of what it is. It first appeared about a month and a half after the Jews bolted out of Egypt. The food they had brought with them, which featured the always-delicious matzoh, started to run out, and Jews being genetically programmed to whine, started whining. “I’M HUNGRY! FEED ME! GO MAKE ME A SAMMICH!” Just to shut up their whiny Jew-mouths, Yahweh sent down a rain of manna for them to eat. Understand that the root of “manna” is the Hebrew phrase, “WTF is that?” And indeed, it’s variously described as being like flakes, like coriander seeds, and like bdellium. Not that anyone knows what bdellium is, but still. In any event, Yahweh told Moses to tell the Jews, “Don’t ask questions, pick it up, eat it, and stop whining!” And he further told them, “This is nutritionally complete, fortified with iron, niacin, thiamine, and vitamins B12 and C. And lots of antioxidants! Don’t eat anything else, this is as free as government cheese.” Interestingly, the stuff miraculously fell from the sky, carried no economic cost, and couldn’t be sold for profit. Cage-free, no GMOs, all organic. This may be the origin of the Jewish affinity for Progressivism.
Now let me inundate you with Manna Trivia, just so if you’re ever on Jeopardy, you can say, “Miracle Foods for $100, Alex.” Besides the imprecision on its appearance, manna is described as tasting sweet and having a perfumed aroma. It would fall daily to be picked up, but the greedy Jews were warned not to gather more than a day’s worth. Of course, most of them didn’t listen, scooped up all they could, and found out that after a day, it went rancid and wormy. Pro Tip: next time, listen to Yahweh, OK?
More trivia: because Yahweh forbade picking shit up on the Sabbath, on Friday you could grab two days worth to tide you over and it wouldn’t go bad until Sunday. Miracles of Convenience.
Yet more trivia: Goyim couldn’t eat manna. When they tried to gather it, the manna magically turned into a mixture of Teflon and oil, so it would slip through their dirty goyish paws. JEWS ONLY.
Best trivia of all: manna contained only the purest of nutritional whatever. And what this meant was that if you followed Yahweh’s Manna Diet, you didn’t shit. I am not shitting you, that’s really what the rabbis teach. YOU STOP SHITTING WHEN YOU EAT MANNA. That will likely be the Final Jeopardy question: “When you eat this, you stop shitting.” “What is manna?”
After you win a pile on the show, remember, you owe me 10%.
Back to the story. Moses had said, “We’re going to eat manna. We’re going to eat manna so much. We’re going to eat manna when we’re wandering, we’re going to eat manna when we’re stopped. We’re going to eat manna so much, you’re going to be so sick and tired of eating manna, you’re going to come to me and go ‘Please, please, we can’t eat manna anymore.’ You’ve heard this one. You’ll say ‘Please, Moses, we beg you sir, we don’t want to eat manna anymore. It’s too much. It’s not fair to everybody else.’ And I’m going to say ‘I’m sorry, but we’re going to keep eating manna, eating manna, eating manna, We’re going to make Israel great again.” And he was right, the Jews did bitch to him about the rather monotonous diet. “In Egypt, we had meat, we had bread, we had falafel, we had hayse arbis, this manna shit is getting old.” Moses finally got sick of the bitching and he went to bitch at Yahweh about it. “Will you PLEASE get those fucking Jews off my back?” Yahweh, never known for tolerance or a sense of humor, responded, “Tell ya what, I’ll sent a bunch of birds your way, so me-damn many birds that those whiners will be vomiting bird meat out their nostrils!” And Yahweh, being the sort of god who does what he says, did what he said. The Jews went crazy with joy and started munching away on quail.
Now Yahweh had previously told the whiners Jews that manna was perfect, it was all they needed, and to just eat that. So despite the fact that he had fucked with their heads by sending them delicious birds to eat, he decided to punish them by, yeah, you guessed it, smiting them with a plague. He killed off thousands of potential future KFC customers by using this little trick. When they dropped the birds and went back to manna, the plague stopped. And because Hitler Yahweh had killed a bunch of Jews there, the area where all the birds were eaten and the plague hit was thereafter called “Graves of Lust.” No sex, just the munchies.
Yahweh is nothing if not consistent.