Glibertarians.com 2017 Archive

Tag: Florida

  • Wednesday Afternoon ULTRALINKS

    It appears that Brett is actually working for a living…I know, right? (jesse: my Brett joke was…less kind) So, while I idle away on the fondue plantation, I have managed to scrape a few links together….at the same time, Jesse wanted to help. So with two sets of links done, we did the only proper thing…combine them for ULTRALINKS!

    Links….COMBINE!
    • So…this sounds about par for the course.
    • Mr. Arkwright say make Nigerian students no worry!
    • A cop…guilty?! Look what it takes to actually get a cop in trouble. [Alternate title: SugarFree scripts a cop drama episode?]
    • A reminder, that while there are still checks in the book…we are broke.
    • Get this man a presidency: Justin Amash wrangles broad bipartisan support for rolling back Jeff Sessions’ rolling back of an Obama-era curtailment of asset forfeiture. *takes deep breath*
    • Speaking of presidencies: Sanders will introduce universal health care, backed by 15 Democrats. There’s your field for the next election cycle. Now for three years of attrition and attempts to out lefticate each other with proposals that will turn us into Venezuela if enacted.
    • “Nun with a chainsaw“, a phrase sure to instill terror in hearts of Catholic school graduates, is the surprise feel-good story of the day.
    • Katie Quackenbush, you haven’t heard of her yet, but her music career is gonna be huuuuuuge…at least after she finishes serving time for assault with a deadly weapon.
    • This one even has Old Man With Candy scratching his head. “No be di uncle get di pickin.”

    Bonus Link: Drunk European says “who needs you anyways?!”

    Them’s the links. Now go take on the day.

     

  • Wednesday Afternoon Links

    Party at St. Peter’s

    Brett is in some third world hell hole that lacks internet coverage. So you get me and slapdash links today.

    At least someone at the Vatican knows how to have a good time.

    It’d be an even better time if they had invited Floridian drag performer Elishaly D’witshes to their party (Dlisted is a touch work unfriendly).

    China is trying to make itself less fun with increased censorship of the internet.

    New details on (very) old material science.

  • Wood Wednesday

    Manchineel tree just chillin’ there all innocent

    Beloved commenter and Glibertarian co-overlord, Brett L., recently shared a fascinating Atlas Obscura link with the rest of the secret Glibertarian cabal that controls your thoughts and feelings and bends the Glibertarian firmament to its slightest whim. Because Florida is America’s Australia, it has the deadliest tree, the  tree whose Spanish names translate to “tree of death” and “death apple tree” The author gives us an appropriately dramatic intro to the tree:

    You might be tempted to eat the fruit. Do not eat the fruit. You might want to rest your hand on the trunk, or touch a branch. Do not touch the tree trunk or any branches. Do not stand under or even near the tree for any length of time whatsoever. Do not touch your eyes while near the tree. Do not pick up any of the ominously shiny, tropic-green leaves. If you want to slowly but firmly back away from this tree, you would not find any argument from any botanist who has studied it.

    And the whole thing gets more entertaining from there. Of special note: the manichneel tree is the deadliest tree in North America, but not the deadliest plant, which apparently goes to the spotted water hemlock…also a resident of Florida, because…Florida.

    If you’re not woke to Atlas Obscura, you probably should be. Click here for their main page.

  • Florida Man Episodes I

    Author’s note: Florida Man is a super-villain whose worthless minions are always causing him to run afoul of the law and press. 

    Florida Man regained consciousness in stages. With his eyes closed, he took stock of where he was. Industrial mattress, no sharp pain or fog of painkillers. Must be jail. Shit. Jail again. You’d think a guy who made meth for a living would take care handling product, but apparently not.

    Florida Man had paid a lot of money, too much really, for the formula to the actual MK ULTRA drug. Exposure to which places its victim into a state of hyper-suggestibility for several minutes followed by about 12 hours of zombie-like attempt to comply with those suggestions. Finally, his useless minions would be able to execute simple commands like “go to the store and buy food” without getting themselves arrested for something stupid like road rage. “Note to self,” he said, “do NOT use anyone to formulate the compound if they insist on calling it a recipe.” That meth guy claimed to have helped make GHB for a biker gang, but if so, he must have done so by staying outside.

    Sitting up, Florida Man found himself in a cell alone. Either the… whichever county… sheriff had finally started according him respect as a super-villain or this was going to be a bad one. Hearing footsteps coming up the row, FM came to the front of the cell. Coming up the line was the biggest, widest redneck FM had seen since he tried running a tutoring camp for football players too dumb to graduate from Florida high schools. This did not help Florida Man narrow down where he might be, except it wasn’t a Caribbean island. As the CO passed Florida Man’s cell, the redneck stopped for a second and looked down on FM with sparkling eyes. “Boy,” the CO said, “I jus’ want you to know that if was up to me, I’d let you go free. You was jus’ expressing an opinion. Except at that jew’s house, but he weren’t even there and you didn’t even try to steal his jew-gold. Like a jew rabbi can’t afford to lose a bottle of vodka once in a while. ” Palm Beach county uniform. Okay, at least he knew who to call for bail.

    “Could I…” Florida Man swallowed hard, “Could I see the papers?”

    “Sure, Boy. I’ll have that little black trustee bring them with your breakfast.”

    Shit. Shit. That fucking knuckle-dragging, no teeth, white trash, loser meth cook had been ranting about a white ethnostate and the problems with “joos and mooslems” as he was bringing the formula out. The compound must have spilled. What in the Hell had FM done during his fugue?

    About ten minutes later the trustee came down the line with breakfast. And the newspaper. This was going to be tough to explain to some of his foreign backers.

    Florida Man Posts Hate Signs in Front of Home
    LATEST: Florida man breaks into rabbi’s house, drinks his vodka
    Florida man charged with leaving recorded threats at mosque

  • Three Florida Men

    Read the story here.