Category: Satire

  • The wit and wisdom of Romania in proverbs

    All nations have various saying and proverbs as part of their culture. Romania is a nation. Logic would dictate that Romania has proverbs. And this is one of those few cases where logic would be right. And I am sure the Glibertariat are dying to learn some of these fabulous sayings. Pie, the comments clamor, how about a post on proverbs. Well, I aim to please, so here it is.

    Old man. Very wise.

    Proverbs… Are these ancient nuggets of wisdom that survived the ages to provide valuable advice, or some trait affectation, nonsense spouted by senile elders in the past? Maybe a bit of both?  Now some think one may learn something about a people by their proverbs. I doubt this myself but to each their own. The problem with such an endeavor as mine is that proverbs do not always translate perfectly. The general solution for this could be to find equivalents in English, but this loses part of the specificity and local flavor. You can go the road of word by word translation, mot a mot as we say in Romanian, which is what I will.do, after which I will explain, in my words, the meaning of the proverb. I leave it to the commentariat to find equivalent proverbs if they are so inclined.

    For the sake of brevity, I did not use all proverbs in the Romanian language. Also for the sake of keeping it interesting, I will not use proverbs with to direct equivalent. In Romanian, we say “Calul de dar nu se cauta la dinti” which has a literal translation of you don’t look at a gift horse’s teeth. This seems to me similar to some English proverb I heard once, so it is omitted.

    So let’s get on to it. The pattern is: proverb in original Romanian, word by word translation, and finally explanation. I will sometimes skip the diacritical marking cause I am too lazy to do them.

    Buturuga mica rastoarna carul mare –The small stump can overturn the big wagon- This is basically a warning to care when driving on the bad roads of Romania, as you may run into a tree stump and have an accident.

    This second one is also about infrastructure “Fă-te frate cu dracul până treci puntea.” -Become brother to the devil until you cross the bridge- This confuses even me. I would say safety in numbers, but I do not see how increasing the number of people on a rickety bridge would help.

    Cine sapa groapa altuia cade singur in ea –Who digs a grave for someone else might fall themselves in it– So gravedigging is a dangerous profession and should be better payed. Also, mind the gap.

    Cine se trezeste dimineata departa ajunge –He who wakes early goes far– Jogging  is good for you early in the morning.

    Strica orzul pe gaste –Wasting the barley on geese- Geese can eat other stuff so make beer.

    Calul moare de drum lung si prostul de grija altuia. –The horse dies off to much distance and the fool dies of caring for other’s business– This tells people to take care of their horse.

    Ai apucat pisica de coadă, învârteşte-o să nu te zgârie. –If you grabbed the cat by the tail, spin it or it will scratch you– I will not comment on this as I do not condone animal cruelty. In a similar vein is A fi prins cu cioara vopsită –to be caught selling crows painted over- Do not apply paint to live crows please.

    La placinte inainte la razboi inapoi –First when it comes to pie, last when it comes to war- Basically good food better than violence.

    Dupa razboi multi vieji se arata –after the war is over, a lot of brave people show up- Basically just because you had something else to do during when fighting was going on and could not participate does not make you less brave then the ones who did.

    Dracul când a îmbătrânit atunci s-a călugărit. –When the devil became old he became a monk– It is never too late to settle down.

    Cine fura azi un ou, maine va fura un bou. -Who steals an egg today, will steal an ox tomorrow- It is important to plan your career ahead and try to make progress.

    Or the ramblings of village idiots?
    Young man. Less wise

    Lupu schimba parul dar naravul ba –the wolf sheds his hair but not his character– basicalluy some elements of behavior are genetically determined.

    Cand pisica nu-i acasa, joaca soarecii pe masa –when the cat is away the mice dance on the table– All creature need enjoyment and recreation.

    De bani se plang toti, dar de minte niciunul –everyone complains of insufficient money, but no one of insufficient wisdom- This says intelligence does not always lead to high income.

    Cine s-a fript cu ciorba, sufla si-n iaurt. -Who gets burned eating soup blows over yogurt– You never know when yogurt may be hot so be careful.

    Lauda de sine nu miroase a bine. –Self-praise smells bad- Take a shower before telling people how great you are.

    Frate ca frate, da’ branza-i pe bani. –We may be brothers, but cheese costs money- This speaks of the greed of cheese mongers in Romania.

    Faci și din țânțar armăsar. –Make a stallion out of a mosquito – GMO is okay

    A face umbră pământului degeaba. –Making a shadow on the earth for no reason– Just get a parasol if sun is an issues

    Un prost aruncă o piatră in apa și zece înțelepți se chinuie s-o scoată –a fool throws a stone in the water and 10 wise men struggle to get it out- This means it is a waste of time to look for specific stones, all stones look alike anyway so just grab one.

    Apa trece, pietrele raman –water flows but stone remains- I assume this is the same stone as the previous saying and no one could find it, but it didn’t damn the river so it does not create major environmental issues.

    Bătrânețe – haina grea –Old age is a heavy coat– In Romania, like most societies, the elderly no longer care so much about fashion.

    Țara arde și/iar baba se piaptănă. –The country is burning and the old woman is combing her hair– This is similar to the previous ones and encourages grooming among the elderly even if they may not have much hair left.

    Bunul gospodar își face vara sanie și iarna car –the good farmer works on his sled in the summer and his wagon in the winter– This means it is important to have some hobby

    Just look at that clever hat
    Famous Romanian Sage

    Capra sare masa, iada sare casa. –The goat jumps over the table, the kid jumps over the house-This is a warning that goat enclosures need higher fences than sheep

    Cine seamana vant culege furtuna. -Who sows wind reaps a storm- This is about the perils of global warming and I think there may be a similar saying in English.

    Brânză buna in burduf de caine.  – good cheese wrapped in dog’s stomach- A reference to a type of cheese that is aged in a cleaned sheep’s stomach. The point of the saying is do not give your dog cheese, you will not be able to recover it after aging.

    Domnia si prostia se platesc. –Luxury and stupidity cost money- This does not make much sense because stupidity is not a marketable good, but I put it here anyway.

    Nu e dracul (chiar) așa de negru. -The devil is not that black- Do not take the Bible to literally, it can be interpreted in different ways.

    Nu este pădure fără uscături. -There is no forest without deadwood- Basically, you can make fire even if you do not have an ax to chop a tree down, just collect fallen branches.

    Nu face ce face popa, fă ce zice popa. –Don’t do what the priest does, do what the priest says to do – So do not start preaching to random people.

    Numai în pomul care nu face roade nu dă nimeni cu pietre. -No one throws stones at the tree without fruit– This is just common sense, you won’t knock fruit down if there aren’t any.

    Sârguința e mama norocului. –persistence is the mother of luck – I guess this refers to some people named like that that lived sometime in the past, but I don’t know who they are.

     A bate apa-n piuă  -grinding water in a mortar and pestle- Basically, do not try an electric grinder for water as it may short circuit.

    So this is it, fellow glibs, I hope a bit of useful wisdom will help you from now on.

  • Intersectionality

    My friend told me about a new used car dealership that opened up in town over by the railroad tracks. The owner decided he’d revolutionize the used car industry by offering cars at their true  market value plus a 5% bump for overhead and salary. He’d make up for the lower margins with volume.

    Possibly the woman who was the inspiration for this story.

    I strolled into his lot and started kicking tires. A 2009 Honda Fit caught my eye. 17K miles and the body looked perfect. “Why don’t you take it for a spin?” the owner asked as he flipped me the keys. It had responsive steering, supple brakes and decent power for such a small engine. “We’ve checked around and this model with this mileage and condition goes for $7,200, so we’re offering it for $7,530.”

    I stood there thinking about it for a long while. I had only $7,100 to spend. Of course, I needed the car for work and my job was essential to put food on the table, so I knocked $200 off his price in my head. Being a woman, it was obvious that I could be raped walking around at night, so I sliced another $300 of the price. Really, how much would it cost society to deal with another rape? And, isn’t this owner part of the raping gender? Also, I’m nearing fifty years old, so I’ll need money for retirement. If I don’t have enough for my old age, I’ll be a burden on society. I knocked another $500 off his price. Raised by a single mother: $600. Genetically prone to obesity: $450. Lesbian experience in college: $150. Bad teeth, left handed, bad at math, more than five vowels in my last name. The numbers were flashing through my head like John Nash working on differential geometry.

    Finally, I had my answer. “I’ll take the car. According to my calculations, you owe me the car and $2,600.” As I listed my deductions, the left side of the dealer’s face started twitching. When I reeled off the last deduction, he reached out his shaking arm and handed me the title.

    . . .

    She pulled out of the dealership in the purple Honda Fit and turned up the song that came on the radio. She had loved Alanis Morissette ever since she had heard it playing in the background while eating out her college roommate. She looked in the rear view mirror and saw the dealer waving good bye, some pinkish liquid running down his forearm. She thrust her arm out the window and flipped him off. “Fuck your white patriarchy!” she yelled and stomped on the gas.

    . . .

    BAAAAAAAM! “Hey, Boss. What was that?” the young mechanic shouted from the Fiat he was under. “No problem, kid. Just means the train was on time.” He started wiping off the brake fluid on his arm, proud of himself for not mansplaining to the lady that brake lines were bad.

  • I’m For Open Borders, So Long as it Doesn’t Threaten My Son’s Employment

     

    We have a white nationalist administration in the White House. A conclave of priestly bigots, reactionaries, anti-semites, and racialists. And one of their chief objectives, along with forcing their misogynist and heteronormative world view on the country, is to keep out brown people. At no time has this been clearer than when they unveiled their new proposal for immigration reform.

    This new ‘reform’ will prioritize so called ‘skilled immigrants’ who speak English above others. When I heard this proposal, I took it personally. My maid, Conchita, immigrated to this country from Honduras a few years ago. If she would have tried to immigrate under the administration’s new proposal, her lack of English proficiency or a skilled trade would have relegated her to the back of the line. Whose job does Conchita’s presence in this country threaten? What American would take her job to be paid eleven dollars an hour? In fact, before Conchita, I couldn’t even find anyone who would clean my home and watch my children for less than twenty-five dollars an hour. I couldn’t pay that and nor should I be forced to when there are immigrants like Conchita that are willing to work for less. I mourn the possible loss of opportunity for people like Conchita and myself, if this immigration ‘reform’ is passed.

    Even more personally for me, though, is that this new bill has worried me about my oldest son’s future. My son, Tim, graduated from Stanford a few years ago and got a job working in computer engineering at a nearby manufacturer. He started out making a good salary, for a recent college graduate, and everything seemed to be going good for him. But over the past three years he hasn’t received a raise and he’s noticed that his company has started employing people who aren’t local. For instance, he told me that his new supervisor, Sanjay, just immigrated to the US from India. I’m happy that the company has brought diversity to their workforce, but I don’t understand why they had to import management. I don’t claim to be intricately familiar with the engineering profession, but Sanjay is a graduate of Mumbai University (hardly a well-known name within the engineering field) and yet he is supervising six other employees that have all graduated from Stanford, UCLA, and Boston College. I can’t help but think that Sanjay was hired because of the lower than average salary that he was willing to accept. To me, this is a dangerous precedent that not only suppresses wages, but also cheapens the expertise needed in these professional fields. Do we want to reduce the quality of engineers in order to save a few thousand dollars? If you’re OK with that, then would you say the same about accountants? Or architects? Or even doctors?

    Pictured: artist’s interpretation of Sanjay, the bad egg

    And besides the obvious skills deficit between a graduate of some foreign university versus our own renowned institutions, there is also the question of timing. Our college graduates today are burdened with high debt and struggle to find even entry level employment in their chosen fields. Why should we be making this situation even more difficult by importing ‘skilled immigrants’ that will undercut their wages and reduce their employment prospects? It’s one thing to have immigrants like Conchita who provide Americans with affordable service, but it is quite another to undermine American expertise. I had thought that we, as a country, had already come to this conclusion, before an uprising of drug-addled bigots in other parts of the country surprised me by electing a buffoonish racist.

    We cannot allow this sinister piece of legislation to redefine our country. I say we allow in more Conchitas and less Sanjays. It’s just good economics.